Salt Lickers Anonymous [AiE]

>It was a peaceful time of day, right around noon, when all the ponies sat down for lunch to chat with one another and take a break from the day's labor
>Anon had always been fond of joining in on the practice, usually eating with the other ponies at the outdoor diner just at the edge of town
>He looked down at his sandwich and vegetable soup, missing the meat in his diet
>It wasn't all bad, though, because even if he didn't have meat, he at least had salt
>Pulling a salt shaker out of his blazer, Anon added a generous helping of the delicious fairy dust to his soup
>He always found it strange how hard it was to get a hold of salt, and he never understood why no one in town cooked with it
>He had to look for months just to get a full shaker, eventually having to resort to importing it from the Griffon Kingdom
>Now that he had it, though, for the past few days, he hadn't gone a meal without it
>He started slurping up his soup and looked up
>For the fourth meal in a row, all of the ponies were staring at him
>Anon scrunched up his face and tried to avoid eye contact, going back to his soup
>Bonbon sat at a nearby table, just shaking her head as if there was no hope
>Anon couldn't take it anymore
"Look, what is your problem, people?"
>Bonbon frowned slightly
>"We aren't the ones with the problem, Anonymous."
"What are you-"
>Anon was interrupted by a hoof on the shoulder
>Turning around, he came face to face with Pinkie Pie
"W- can I help you, Pinkie?"
>Pinkie Pie put on a somber, comforting smile
>"I think I can, Anon. I know what you're going through is tough."
>Anonymous blinked
"What... I'm going through? What am I going through?"
>Twilight Sparkle was soon beside Pinkie, along with the rest of the Elements of Harmony
>Twilight nodded slowly before speaking
>"Salt addiction is a scary thing, Anon. I think I speak for many of us when I say we've been there."
>Anon chuckled nervously
"What do you mean, addiction? I mean, I might put a bit more salt on my food than the average person, but it's not like I can't stop myself."
>Twilight sighed
>"Will you please come with us to my library, Anon? We want to have an intervention."
~
"Look, I keep telling you people, salt isn't even a drug to humans. It's just a mild seasoning."
>The mane six surrounded Anon, who sat on a chair in the center of the library
>Applejack stepped forward and put a comforting hoof on Anon's shoulder
>"An' thats the lie they tell ta' reel ya in. And once you start lickin' the salt, ya can't stop. We've all been there, Anon."
>Pinkie Pie whimpered
>"A-after the first lick, I just kept licking more and more, looking for that first lick all over again. I think I turned to sugar to escape it."
>Anonymous furrowed his brow in annoyance
"I'm not a druggy. Salt has absolutely no effect on me, I can eat this whole shaker in my pocket right now and the worst that'll happen is I'll get thirsty."
>Rarity took her turn to step out of the circle
>"Anon, darling, perhaps it would be best for everyone if you just let us hold on to the salt for you."
"No, you can't have my damn salt! This took me months to get."
>"Anon, please, we just want what's best for you."
>The ponies started closing in, making their circle smaller as they zeroed in on Anonymous
>Anon could feel the magic in his blazer pocket as Twilight tried to lift the salt away from him
"I can't believe this. Alright, all of you, back up, I'm going to eat all of this right now and SHOW YOU that there's nothing wrong with it."
>He grabbed the salt from his pocket and began to twist the cap off
>Pinkie Pie dropped to the ground, wailing.
>"No, Nonnie! I love you!"
>Twilight tried her hardest to yank it out of Anonymous's grasp
>"Anon! Don't do this, come on, just drop it!"
>Anon successfully removed the cap from the shaker and emptied the contents into his mouth in one smooth movement
>The other ponies stared on in disbelief
>After taking a few moments to get over the sheer saltiness, Anonymous turned to face the rest of the ponies
"See? No problem here. It's just a-"
>Anonymous felt a horrible pain at the back of his head before the lights went out
~
>He awoke once again to the sound of a steady beep
>With some effort, he forced himself to sit up and crack open his eyes
>The source of the beeping was a heart monitor
>He was in the Ponyville hospital
>Twilight Sparkle entered the room, concern on her face
>"Oh, Anon, you're awake. I hope you can forgive my hitting you on the back of the head, it was the only way we could get you over here. After that huge overdose, we had to act quickly."
>Anonymous said nothing
>"Anyways, the doctors say that there's nothing wrong with you! It looks like we got you here just in time, huh?"
>Nurse Redheart entered the room, nodding to the both of you
>"Actually, Twilight, there was nothing wrong with him BEFORE he got here. The doctors didn't do anything, because there was nothing to fix."
>Twilight smiled
>"Isn't modern medicine amazing?"
>"That's no-" Redheart rolled her eyes and trotted back out, giving up on the conversation
>"Anyways, Anon, I'm glad you're feeling better. Hopefully this taught you something about the dangers of salt addiction."

>The only lesson Anon learned that day was about his choice of friends