Thread 8: Stories 90-105

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>Cheerilee
"AJ 29"
~~~~~~

>Hellooooo~!

"GAH! How did you... where did you come from!?"

>Oh, I'm sorry! Those blasted shadow-twixts hide my presence all the time, they just love watching my friends jump.

"...What-"

>Anyway! I actually had a problem... a, uh, budget related problem?

"Fine, I'll pen you in for-"

>I was actually hoping if, well, you could handle this one.

"Me?"

>MM's an old friend and I just love her to bits, but she's not very good at finding funds when she needs it. Did you know she once hinged fixing the town hall on Applejack winning a competition? I know, right! Like gambling with your city works. Anyway, I noticed you're a little... better with that.

"What's in it for me?"

>I won't send the beast of the lost out to devour your soul?

"What!?"

>Kidding! I would never let him off school grounds. Just... please? This would mean a lot to me, and your cousin.

"Friggen little- I TOLD him not to tell anyone we're related! WHO ELSE KNOWS!?"

>...

"...Fine! But you can't tell anyone! If ponies learn I do this sort of thing, I'll have to do work more often. That's a pain."

>Oh, thank you! I so appreciate it. Oh, and uh, by the way...

"...What?"

>That Changeling that visited you that one time, the one with all the scars and the bone knife.

"Yeah?"

>Is he single?

"..."

>....yeeees?

"...Fuck."
~~~~~~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Applejack
“Chrysalis”
‘Various Changelings’
-???-
__________

>Um, Chrysalis?

“AAAAH! Don’t DO that! I almost choked on my popcorn!”

>What a shame that’d’ve been….

“What was that?”

>Nothin’. Anyway, our chefs are noticin’ a shortage of potatoes and they say they’ve seen one’a the Changelings scuttlin’ back an’ forth. Know anything about that?

“What do I look like? The queen of Changelings or something?”

>…

“…damn, I walked right into that one, didn’t I?”

>Sure did.

“Irregardless, I don’t know anything about some stupid potatoes. Go away now, I’ve got these four here reenacting one of my favorite movies, ‘The Heart Once Hoofed!’ A classic!”

‘Classic my chitinous ass! She won’t let us stop!’

‘Half a day learning and reciting the most idiotic lines known to ponykind! I feel nauseous!’

‘This is a blight on all of cinema everywhere!’

“Louder! And with more feeling! You there, more tears!”

>…So yeah, anyway, Ah’m seein’ a Changeling with a spud in its mouth atop this big mound of potatoes in the corner over there. Ya sayin’ that jus’ slipped yer’ curiosity?

“When I’m trying to direct a masterpiece? Yes. Yes it did.”

>…

“Fiiiine, geez, don’t bust a synapse! Hey, potato-stealer!”

-Mmmngh?-

“Quit stealing potatoes!”

-Mgnnh…-

>…what’d he say?

“Said would you rather he steal potatoes or spontaneously combust all over the place like his brothers? The potatoes keep the fire away.”

>If that’s true then why don’t it work for all’a ya?!

-Mmph ngggh.-

“Different strokes for different folks. Some Changelings juggle, others write bad fanfiction-“

‘Hey!’

“-and some can keep from exploding with potatoes.”

>Ya know what? Fine. Keep the taters, Ah’ve run out of apples to give. The cooks’ll jus’ buy more, buck it.

“Yaaay! Back to my movie!”

‘Someone… anyone… kill us….’
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"Shining Armor"
'Rarity'
[42]
{Sombra}
~~~~~
>Alright, so last time we left off, Sombra had dragged everyone into a blood revolution-

{In character: RED IS THE PRICE OF LIBERTY! DEATH TO THE ELVEN OPPRESSORS AND RISE, GLORIOUS CONFEDERATION OF ORCS, GOBLINS, AND BUGBEARS!}

>Right, and 42 and Rarity had obtained or forged a crapton of weapons for said revolution

[I'm still annoyed that being a fighter doesn't grant me bonuses to my martial weapon crafting.]

'Don't worry about it, darling, just leave the spell infusion process to me.'

>And lastly, Shining Armor was in the corner crying because his black and white paladin morality won't let him see the glorious revolution of the downtrodden as a good thing!

"They're led by a lich and a council of Fiends, and all of them are manipulated by an eldritch god! Not to mention burning several monasteries to the ground!"

{Bah! Religion is a tool of the oppressors! And the revolution simply needs new leadership! One free from the magocracy!}

'Here, here!'

[FOR THE PEOPLE!]

"So I'm surrounded by either nymphos or commies. Lovely."

>Maybe we should get Big Mac in this group?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Cheese Sandwich
'77'
"Braeburn"

'All over this confounded town and not so much as a sign of him, strange...'

>I know, right? He must be a blue ribbon level hide and seeker.

'A wh-nevermind. Perhaps if we were to speak with the locals, that would yield better results.'

>Hope you do better than I did, all my tries ended with me telling myself knock knock jokes...heh...banana, orange, it always gets me.

77 shakes his head and trots up to the front door of what appears to be an ad hoc town hall, he knocks on the boarded up door. No answer. He does so again, with more force. Still nothing. He turns and out and out bucks the door.

'I know you're in there, I can feel your fear!'

>You can feel fear?

'Yes, it is one of many skills a land speculator must have.'

>Neat.

A shaky voice comes from inside.

"Look mister, we don't want any trouble, not from you, not from the robots, not from the crazy stallion who's been out here fer weeks and I died of thirst'r hunger yet."

>Ha, shows what he knows, my party cannon deluxe came with a survival kit.

"So just go on back the way ya came and leave us to cower in our homes."

'I will not! I came all this way to...speculate land and I intend to do just that once the one called Flam is apprehended!'

>Apprehended?

'...I meant 'has a party thrown for him!'

>Nice save.

"Mister we ain't seen him or his brother in long time, in fact a short while after they left's when we stopped hearin' from the Buffalo."

'Buffalo?'

>Oh yeah, there's whole tribes of them out here, these ones are real keen on apple pies, but who isn't?

"After they stopped comin' round to trade, that's when the robots started showin' up, pretendin' to be us then going crazy when they got found out. Sheriff Silverstar's still laid up from when they shot him right in the cutie mark!"

'I see...well then, it is my belief these buffalo may know more about Mr. Flam's whereabouts! We must find them and question them at once!'

>Great, I'll pack my raindancing maracas.

'Raindancing what-?'

"Hey..."

77 turns away from questioning Cheese's sanity back to the building.

'Yes?'

A small map slides out from under the door, detailing the trade route from Appleloosa into the buffalo lands. There's circle around a particular area.

"This'll show ya how to get to their main camp, ah sure do hope ya'll can help us..."

'Of course, thwarting a robot apocalypse is what land speculation is all about.'

"And if ya see a buffalo girl over there, twiggy as a sapling and sharp as a knife, tell her Brae ain't quit on her, alrigh'?"

'Certainly.'

>The Party Pony Express is on the job! C'mon, Dusty, let's go find us the home where the buffalo roam!

'Right behind you.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
“AJ56”
~~~~~~

“Heyo, mom!”

>Mmmm, hello, AJ56.”

“Whoa, put the brakes on… you’re not gonna correct me on calling you mom?”

>Why would I again? You did technically come from me, did you not? That does, my universal law, makes you my child, and I am female after all.

“Well… yeah, I just… every time one of us calls you that you go cra….”

56 fell silent as Chrysalis lifted a mug of some steaming beverage to her lips for a small sip, her elliptical eyes solely for him in a show that he had her undivided attention.

“…”

>Yes, dear?

“I… uh… who gave you that coffee there?”

>The potato obsessed one.

“Oh… so, uh, would you like me to leave you alone or something while you drink…?”

>Mm? Of course not. You can come closer and have a seat next to me if you want, dear. I was only lost in thought before you arrived.

“O-okay, uh, sure, I can… I can do that….”

The awkwardness and unease exuding from 56 was almost tangible as he trotted closer to the smiling Chrysalis, settling down in front of her with his legs tucked underneath himself.

“…hey, mom.”

>Hey, 56.

“Um, if I can ask, why don’t you like bein’ called mom…?”

>Hmmm… it can mostly be seen as a tick born from an irrational fear that I have. I sometimes think that if I show my minions the slightest bit of love or affection, I’ll grow attached and thereby provide an invitation for one of you to rip open my chest cavity and feast on my heart.

“Mom, I would never… that’s just gross….”

>Quite. But I think I’ve found a nice medium for myself, little one, at least in this state of mind. It’s the only way I can stomach being called ‘mom’ and not feel an ounce of care for you.

“R-really? What?”

Chrysalis set her mug off to the side and leaned down to plant a kiss on his forehead.

>If I told you, I’d have to kill you, 56.

“…”

>Now, the day’s just beginning, you wouldn’t want to be late for school, would you?

“N-no, ma’am.”

>Good.

DECLARED NON CANON BY AUTHOR, ALSO CONTAINS INACCURACIES. CHRYSALIS DOES NOT HAVE ANY CHILDREN, SHE IS NOT LYING WHEN SHE SAYS SHE IS NOT THEIR MOTHER
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>Cadence
"42"
'Various'
~~~~~~~~

>You know, I'm pretty sure if you're going to be my double, you have to at least sort of act like me.

"Am I not doing adequate?"

>No, yeah, everyone is totally fooled, can't you see how fooled they are?

"...Hrm, I wonder what is tipping them off?"

>Really. You don't know. Scowl, maybe? It's the scowl. I don't scowl like that.

"Yes you do, especially when Chrysalis brings up that you wont do ana-"

>I DO NOT SCOWL!

"You're scowling now."

>THIS IS A GRIMACE!

"Cadence, I know scowls, that's a scowl. This is a grimace."

>That's too much smirk to be a grimace.

"The upturned lip is a snarl, not a smirk."

>There needs to be more growling for that to be a snarl. It looks like a sneer.

"I'm not smiling enough for it to be a sneer. This is a sneer."

>No, that is a grimace.

"This is what a grimace looks like to you?"

>Yes!

"...Fine. Then you 'grimace' and I'll just act like you. That way they'll aim at me, and think you're the body double."

>And how are you going to do that?

"Like so... a-hem... Oh my gosh you guys! There's a fifteen percent off sale over at the saddle barn! Ohhh, I'm going to try on all their panyhose! Spend spend spend spend, fun fun fun fun!"

>I do not-

'Wow, look! It's the princess!'

'Can I get your autograph!?'

'Princess! Can I touch your mane, it looks really soft!'

'Wow, her body double sucks.'

'Seriously, look at that scowl.'

'Isn't that a grimace?'

>...Fuck all ya'll.

'Rude!'
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>Spike
"Twilight"
~~~~~
>You know, with everything that's happened, I'm kind of surprised you haven't scrapped the robot angle.

"You can't deny that robots would spare the lives of real soldiers, Spike. But you're half right, these events have effected me, these machines will still be controlled by ponies."

>So, more juggernauts.

"No, Spike, it's time to move on from childish games. Tell me, what's the one force more powerful than giant robots?"

>Friendship?

"EXACTLY! And I've heard how my juggernaut designs have allowed Shiny to bring everyone around the Empire with ease, so I've decided to take it to the next level!"

Twilight reveals one robot that's a head with arms and legs with a cockpit in the skull that stands beside a taller mecha without a head but a face on its chest.

"BEHOLD! I am bringing friendship and giant robots together!"

>... That's beautiful.
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>Shining
“AJ42”
‘AJ2’
________

Shining paused just outside his room, hoof on the doorknob with a beyond excited Two wrapped around his head.

‘EEEEEEEE!’

>Two? Sweetie? You’ve been ‘eeeeee’ing nonstop for about… four hours now. Early math lesson, that’s 240 minutes. 240 loooong minutes.

‘EEEEEEEEE!’

>Celestia help me….

He pushed the door and just stood there, blinking at the sight before him.

>…42?

“Yes?”

>What’re you doing in my room? No, scratch that- what’re you doing chewing on my diplomas?

“Um… they’re yummy…?”

>Back to that, are we?

“A-actually, I never stopped, I just tried not to get caught. Guess I misshot my window of time on this one….”

>…

‘EEEEEEEEEE!’

“Never mind me. Her?”

>Oh, right. She found out today that the many holes in her arms and legs make perfect marchmalley holders and she’s also come to realize that this means she can hold more without having to sneak any.

‘EEEEEEEEEE!’

“So that explains why she’s wrapped for dear life around your head….”

>Yup.

“…”

>…

‘EEEEEEEEEE!’

“Need help with unraveling?”

>No… no, no, you just… enjoy the rest of my career in paper format. I can’t in good conscious disturb Two when she’s this happy.
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>"So lo on the 3rd day of the 8th month in the lands of Minos our heroes soon meet in the townsquare of a small fishing village.

"So how are we all meeting up then?"

>"Well Ra-

*Coughing can be heard from the white alicorn as she glares at the dragon behind the game screen.*

>"Right right I mean Glimmer, has it down in her back history that she would most likely arrive in the small sloop that her grandfather. High Tide, had bestowed upon her when he had passed away."

"Oh right then, in that case I'll be coming in from the west side of the village after my hunting spree, Sombra where are you coming in at?"

*With a smooth baritone voice of dark chocolate and sin Sombra makes a few adjustments to his sheets saying*

[I would be in the tavern after acquiring a bounty offer from the town hall. Shall we reconvene there?]

'Sounds like a plan to me.'

"Yes I do believe Glimmer would fancy a drink from the locale watering hole as it were."

>So the group heads to the tavern, Tuaren's Grasp. Upon entering Glimmer, you and Quicksilver can see over the rousing scene of drunken fun and joy of many a larberour a job listings on the board. Nearby you can make out what looks like a grey unicorn with a brown mussied up mane covered in a green cloak that has seen better days.

>One other thing that draws your boths attention is a minotaur in heavy armor of chainmail and steel plates ravishing a plate of food with appalling table manners with an almost desperate air about him.


"Darling I'm going to roll a preception check just to be safe."

'I'm going to head over to the unicorn myself.'

>Sombra?

[I will be enjoying the fine wine i had just purchased after my bounty.]

>Alright Ra- *AHEM!* right sorry, Glimmer go ahead and roll.

*Roll dem bones noises*

>7, well yo-

"Ah ah ah Darling you forget that I have a few tricks up my selves to counter low rolls."

>Huh? Lemme see your sheet.

*Paper rustling*

>10 ranks in preception!? How'd you...ooh wait trap master apprentice combined with a almost obessive form of ADHD...ok, that seems alright...bonus feat with the preception check as well...Wow Rarity you're pretty good at this.

"Well I did have to run a boutique after all! Not to mention making sure that every bit I have been giving to charity is actually used for what I had sent it for."

>You give my gun money?

"What?"

'Um, guys can we continue now?'

*Drinking from a small goblet of wine that had been amidst the snack table Sombra nods after the liquid enters his mouth and disapates.*

[Indeed.]

'How does that even work?'

[Though I have no biological need for food or drink I can still taste things in small amounts.]

'But your mist! That doesn't wo-

"Quicksilver honestly its magic, it doesn't need to make sense."

>Back to the game guys, c'mon.

'Oh sorry.'
"Terrible sorry Darling"
{Continue.]

>So anyway Glimmer spots out of the corner of her eye what looks like a wizened old unicorn with a cracked horn that use's his forelegs to drink with as he wears a captain's tricorn hat that has seen better days in the sea. Quicksilver approaches the unicorn that is drinking some wine and sits down with him.

'Greetings fellow traveler, how goes it?'

[Well enough, well enough.]

'What might be your name? I'm Quicksilver, I hunt around here and I know most folks that show up around here.'

"Spikey where am I now, in the middle of the tavern still?"

>Yeah you are just melding with the crowd at the moment.

"Thank you Dear, I join Quicksilver at the table as well."

[My name is Able Tome, I hunt bounties and criminals that require being brought to justice.]

"Oh my a bounty hunter, how bold."

'That's rather cool, are you on the hunt for one right now?'

[As a matter of fact I am, I pull out the wanted poster that I was given showing it to the two mares.]

*Sombra reaches into his mist form to draw out the artistic rendering of a famous bandit showing it to the group.*

"..."
'...'
>...

[What is something wrong?]

"Ah, Darling, you might...want to look at the picture."

'Snrk...'

>Think 2 got to ya Sombra.

*Confused the wisp turns the page around and blank faces as he sees a crude crayon drawing of himself, 2, Shining Armor, Cadence, Chrysalis, 18, 42, Applejack and variouse others that have been regulated to the background of the crystal empire, written on the top with big green bold words "MY FAMILY, LOVE YOU SOMBRY!"*

*A pang of feels hits the wisp stallion as he coughs tucking the paper away and rummages around himself for the proper picture.*

[Ahem, yes that is...the wrong picture.]

"Now Darling there's no reason to be emberassed, it's a lovely piece of art, it reminds me of Sweetie Belle's own artistic leanings."

'Sweetie who?'

>Actually Rarity have you been keeping in contact with Sweetie Belle?

"What? Of course I have! Through letters and having the staff bring her to the castle when she is dropped off at my boutique."

>Then why haven't I seen her?

"Oh you know how she gets espically with her cutiemark crusader friends after all."

*Meanwhile at the ruins of the hijacked blimp*

{DIE INFIDELS!}

(EAT MAH HOOVES!)

<SUCK IT CAMEL LOVER!>

{(<CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!!! YA!!!>)}

"I'm sure she is fine Spikey now back to the game!"

>I have the weirdest feeling something is going to come back to bite me in the ass now...but thats for future Spike to worry about.

*So the game continues*
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>Applejack
"SA"
'Cadence'
~~~~~~

>Hey, Shiny?

"Yeah?"

>Somethin' that's been buggin' me since forever, where were you when Nightmare Moon attacked?

"...Erm..."

~~~~~Flashback!~~~~~~

'W-wow!'

"Yep."

'I can't believe we just did that!'

"Feel bad for doubting me now, don't you."

'I don't feel much of anything except tingly! I am so, sorry sorry for ever arguing this. Next time you say "Let's slip into the broom closet for a quickie", I am just going with it!'

"Told you so."

'Will anyone notice you're gone?'

"Pfft, it's the Summer Sun celebration, nothing ever happens during this stupid event. I swear, every year I just-"

*Rattlerattle*

"...Uh oh."

'What!?'

"The doors jammed."

'Oh no! How are we going to get out!?'

"Now don't worry, there should be a patrol walking by in about five minutes. So long as everyone stays on their schedule, we'll be out in no time."

'Phew.'

"...want to squeeze another quicky in?"

'I do, but five minutes is too short. Let's wait till later.'

"Yeah, that sounds smart."

~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It was fourteen hours before they finally found us."

>...Ya' know, ya' could've just skipped to "Ah' got locked in a closet by accident." Ya' didn't have ta' give me the part with you and Cadence.

"...I'll be honest, that was more for me than you."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"SA"
~~~~~~~

>You smell that? That, oh object of my sexual affection, is the smell of VICTORY!

"I can't tell if you're trying to get me to NOT praise you thanks to that. I actually am a little proud you managed this. I shouldn't be, they're biscuits, literally anyone can make these, but nonetheless I'm proud."

>Anyone except Caddy, you mean.

"She tries."

>Come on, admit it, I would totally be a better wife than her! I'm a super powerful queen, I can cook, I have an army of bug monsters, I have an ass that will not quit, and I am nowhere near as vanilla as her in bed.

"Right, because those things are why I married her. Honestly, if all I wanted was a super powerful royal with an army who could cook, I'd go after Celestia."

>HAH! but she can't do the fun stuff!

"And? Don't know if you noticed, be me and Cadence don't do the "fun" stuff all that often either. Doesn't mean I love her any less."

>...Pffft, that's just cause she's all-

"She's all flighty, easily distracted and cares a LOT about her appearance, to a troubling degree sometimes, yes. She has flaws, but she's still the one I want to be with for the rest of time. I mean, I have flaws, a LOT of flaws, and you still want to be with me, right? If all you wanted was a badass unicorn to help you conquer a kingdom, it's not like I'm the only option."

>...

He floats a biscuit off the tray, eying it carefully.

"I love her, I know that more than anything, and I kind of wish you could see why, and stop making this about either you or her. You're not going to win that fight."

He bites down, thoughtfully munching on the little bit of bread.

"But you do make a damn good biscuit, I'll give you that."

He walks off, leaving her still holding her tray in the middle of the kitchen. Irritated, she chucks them into the garbage.

>I don't even like biscuits.

Angry, she could only do the one thing she knew to do when she got like this.

Think up a plan to prove him wrong.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Chrysalis
"42"
~~~~~

>Awww, you found a group picture! I didn't even know any of these survived.

"My Queen... were these?"

>Yeah, those were the other Queens. Well, some of them, most of them got kicked out for trying to kill the others, and failing. If you're going to hit the Queen, ya gotta kill the Queen!

"...Is that how they all died?"

>What? No, don't be silly. Cousin Cascoolyn's there? Her colony got caught in a forest fire, which she started. Mantris there tried to seduce a manticore, it worked but it worked a little TOO well, turns out manticores are barbed down there or something. Auntie Monorache there ate a bunch of poison berries, even though mom told her not to.

"Condsierate of her."

>Nah, she didn't tell her all that loudly. Chitana got into a fight to the death with her almost as evil twin, Millipeeda, they both lost. Oh! And great aunite Scopris, oh, how I miss her... she tried to eat me and I had to rip her throat out. I don't hold it against her, though, she was nice before that!

"...You can stop now."

>What? This is way less boring than it used to be. Seriously, mom showed me a group picture with HER mom, and was like "Lynched by ponies, burned by ponies, stabbed by griffons and squished by dragon" over and over again! So boring. She did the "lynched by ponies" one, like, twenty times. Moms generation was a much more interesting bunch, gotta say!"

"...I need the some crying corner time, I think. Please send that back to Twilight, and if you could add a little note saying "YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW", I would really appreciate it."

>Alright, whatever.

"Thank you, and now... hello corner my old friend... I've come to talk to you again..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Rainbow Dash
“Spitfire”
‘Soarin’
_________

‘Sooo... am I supposed to laugh at the maid’s outfit or ‘unf’ at it? Serious question here, Spits. I could go either way.’

“If you value your jewels, you’ll do neither and just stand there.”

‘And you’re wearing a thong, too?’

“SHUT UP!”

‘Just a heads up? If my wings start to get erect, trust me when I say it has everything to do with you, Spits.’

“I-idiot.”

>If the two of you chuckleheads are done flirting, we’ve work to do. You know, work? That thing I used to think you Wonderbolts did?

“We DID work!”

>You talkin’ back to your mistress, maid?

“N-no, ma’am.”

‘…go on.’

“Soarin!”

>And you weren’t doing work. You want to know what you were really doing? Signing on any up-and-coming young flier who showed a spark of talent without even bothering with the proper entry exams or the documents that Celestia herself set into place! But that’s not even what’s got me pissed off! You had the gall to pick them… ALL of them by this incredibly long registration list… but not the one pony capable of performing a Sonic Rainboom! Which, by the way, you all STILL can’t do!

“I apologized for that!”

>Not good enough! I’d been asking for years! YEARS! And still you just ignored me! I- you know what? Fuck fixing the Wonderbolts today. We’re going to play a little game called ‘Dash and her bitches’. Guess who gets to be the bitches?

“…”

‘…go on.’

“Soarin, I swear to Celestia….”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~

>And three... two...

"CRACKASMACKA!"

>How nice of you to... Celestia?

"Nah, it's me. Not even going to bother pretending, I spent a couple hours trying to match her ass size, couldn't manage, so I figured you see right through it."

>It is a big and wonderful number, I concede.

"That it is."

>So, why the Celestia look?

"Well, after hearing she's the 'Celebrity exception' from Cadence-"

>Damn it, you knew what that was!? I was hoping you wouldn't know that word.

"...what?"

>At the restaurant, when Cadence said that, I was hoping you wouldn't know what it meant.

"Oh! Yeah, no, I've known about this for a while."

>...hooooow?

"Cadence told us all at the Princess meeting."

>...O-oh no. W-was... Was Celestia in the room?

"Yep."

>OH DAMN IT!

*HEAD-DESK X3 COMBO! WOODBREAKER!*

>I can't believe she told you guys that! I was only sort of mostly serious! This is so embarrassing.

"You should be embarrassed, Celestia broke into hysterics."

>Yeah, that's actually best case scenario right there. Ugh, this is going to make the next time we meet SO AWKWARD.

"...So then, this isn't enough to skirt into "celebrity exception" territory? I was kind of hoping this counted enough."

>Chrysalis? Do me a favor, please walk away, and let me hit my head on my desk some more, cover my red as a tomato face in shame, and try my very best not to realize that every time I talk to her from now on, she is going to know she's my "one exception" rule. I just need a moment.

"Fine, spoilsport. But just remember! You could have banged someone who was, like, 96 percent Celestia looking."

>LEAVE!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
"Chrysalis"
~~~~~

>Go. Away.

"And stop pestering my faaaaavorite little dragon? NEVER!"

>I'm trying to drown out my confusion.

"With donuts. BRILLIANT! Oh, you silly hops brewers, your alcoholic leanings were all in vain! Pastries are clearly the true answer"

>Do you mind? Seriously? Matters of the heart here.

"And you don't want the Queen of Hearts to help? That's just self destructive."

>...Do you seriously call yourself that?

"What? No, she was someone else, I'm actually Queen Bitch of the Universe."

>Fitting.

"So what's got your purple butt in a twist?"

>Since you're not going to go away, I'm... torn.

"Ouch. Always gotta be careful when experimenting, pal."

>Torn between feelings. I've loved Rarity since the moment I laid eyes on her, and I still do! She makes me feel like I'm the most important thing in the world sometimes, and I just love being around her and making her happy. But... Applejack just... she makes me feel so special, and happy, and needed, and... and like I actually belong here, like I'm not just some dragon in a pony world... like I was always supposed to be here...

"...Aaaand the issue is?"

>How am I supposed to pick between them?

"...Is that- do you have to do that? Is that a thing you dragons do? Weird."

>It's a thing everybody does!

"I don't. You see me freaking out at the idea of sharing Shiny? You remember that I sent 18 out specifically to get some Shiny-juice, right?"

>...Ew. Did not need that mental image.

"Point is, you love 'em both? Get them both. If you've got a big enough heart for both of them to fit, you fill that heart. But that's up to you. I know Shiny's got enough love-mojo to fit me, Caddy, 18, 42, and half the population of the Empire if he feels like it, I felt that first-hoof. But you? If you think you can't love them both equally, then yeah, you better pick ONE. But if you can? Well... polygons is legal, Spike, and I've never seen anyone have TOO much happiness in their life."

>...Wow. Uh, thanks. That... that's actually pretty reassuring. Are you sure you're actually Chrysalis?

"Hold up, let me check."

She turns with a thoughtful stare, and smacks her own ass.

"Yep! It's all me, baby. By the way, you better hurry up. Just cause they're immortal, doesn't mean they'll wait forever. Now, if you don't mind, I have about sixteen new types of thongs to try, I feel good about at least four of them. Later Gator!"

She trots off, just as confident and smarmy as she always was.

>...Huh. Maybe she should've been Queen of Hearts.
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