Thread 55: Stories 31-45

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NC

>77
"88"
~~~~

>Yes, our setup in the ballroom is actually quite amazing, not that I live there anymore, I can't wait for you to see i-....

"..."

>...I mean, CANTERLOT! What a place! Sure, there's a little prejudice still around, but I'm confident in time they'll see us for who we really a-...

"..."

>...I should definitely show you ar...

"..."

>...Well, at least we'll save money on sightse...

"..."

>...It's really colorfu-....

"..."

>...It has some nice texture to it.

"Yay."

>...

"I don't have to see how uncomfortable you look, I can SMELL IT."

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NC

>77
"88"
~~~~

>Oh, one thing you have to look out for, in Canterlot they use carts a lot, so you have to look both ways before crossing the street.

"..."

>...I'll handle that one for you.

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>Siegfried
"Guard"
'Drunken Scoundrel'

"Your highness, do you really think this is wise?"

>Godfrey, bro, if I did wise things I'd be a stick in the mud like my brother.

"I will refrain from making a comment."

>What am I gonna tattle on you for agreeing with me?

"Your family has ears in the capitol, m'lord."

>Trust me, I think right now, nobody up in the castle has a taste for intrigue.

The prince of the Gryphon Kingdoms turned and leaned his back on the bar, yawning a bit as he oversaw the impromptu party he'd orchestrated in the lowly tavern he'd come across.

>To hell with the crown, the prestige, the rank. This, Godfrey, the Lion and the Hawk and alllll the other animals we worship as my personal witnesses, this is what matters.

"...carousing?"

>No-well, yeah, that's part of it, but the people! The people are what matter...y'know, in addition to getting drunk with said people, gambling with 'em, and ending up making several more people with certain quite attractive people-like that pretty little chickadee over there, BARKEEP, a tankard for her if ya don't mind!-but yeah, the people are what matter.

"An interesting way to look at it."

>What can I say, I'm one of the great philosophers of our time. Now drink, damn it.

"Eh...just one."

>That's better. BARKEEP! Mead for my friend here!

'Fucken ponce...'

The young prince blinked, turning his head towards where he'd heard the bitter muttering.

>Beg pardon?

The gryphon who'd spoken, a decrepit looking fellow with black-grey feathers and a body with no shortage of wear and tear, glared at Siegfried from his barstool.

'Yew heard me, ya little shit, a pox on yew an' yer bastardly family.'

"Hold your tongue you knva-"

>Hold up, Godfrey, I got this. Barkeep, some more...what're you having? Wine?

'Ale yew fucken fairy.'

>Ale for the drunk that just insulted my brother!

'Ain't just yer brother...though that's a start.'

Siegfried leaned in, grinning.

>C'mon then, start.

'Yer brother's a fucken' shitehead, a coward and a scoundrel.'

Godfrey glared and moved to grab his sword, Siegfried waved him off.

>Go ooooon~

'A stripling boy like him's too soft to run this Kingdom. He en't like the old Kings, the ones before all this madness.'

>He's not in charge yet.

'Don't think there en't been whispers, don't think folk en't heard. We know what he did. Bastard who'd sell us out like that so easy? Shoulda been smashed as an egg.'

>My mother would share that sentiment right about now. Though if he were dead, then rulership would probably pass to my sister.

The drunk spat on the ground.

'Fuck her too! But yeh can't, she's anglin' fer yer brother's cock, en't she?'

>Can neither confirm nor deny.

'Ye don't have ta! 'sides, she's just like 'im!'

>Ehhh, I always found him much more forgiving, but I take your point.

'Then there's yer father. Idris Af Gryphonenone...'

"Af Gryphonia you cur!"

>You must have been a real downer to tell a bed time story to, you know that? But yeah, Idris Af Blah de blah, Dragonsbane, The Cur-Killer, The Implacable.

'Idris the Unready morelike. Fuck him, fuck his incompetence, and fuck his fucken army! A tin-crowned King is what he is, building up and building up fer NOTHIN'! We en't gonna invade 'questria! We're not gonna be attacked neither! It's worthless! Like him! Like...like his whore wife!'

>...

"You SCOUN-GLK!"

Godfrey found his throat being gripped by Siegfried, his gaze having gone quite neutral.

>Let. Him. Finish.

'Fucken Featherfall Valley wench! Just the sight of the old hag makes me wish the Blackfeathers ruled that accursed hellhole! A pox on her and holes she lays eggs from, a pox on her poisoned teats, a pox on-'

WHAM!

The left hook send the gryphon sprawling to the ground, clutching his beak and writhing.

>Right. Let me tell you about my family.

Siegfried stood over the fallen drunkard, looking down at him.

>My family would have responded to you in a lot of different ways. My brother would have debated you until the sun came up. My sister would have smiled and slipped a little something in your drink and let you wake up in a strange place...if at all. My mom wold have beaten you to a bloody pulp, and my dad would have just thrown you in the dungeons. I like to believe my way is a happy medium. Get him up, Godfrey.

The guard blinked.

>Godfrey!

"Wha, oh, yes, sorry m'lord!"

Siegfried leaned against the bar again, letting out a sigh as the guard hefted the drunkard up. The drunk fell against the bar, groaning...as his ale was placed in front of him.

>Now, you and I are going to have a few more rounds. You speak like that against my mom again, I'm going to have Godfrey here escort you to the dungeon to sleep this off. Alternatively you can tell me what's got you here drowning your sorrows, which do you prefer?

The drunkard looked down at the tankard before him, then at the prince. He took a hesitant sip and sighed.

'...was a blacksmith before this...and...and that big monster smashed my shop. M'wife and kid went and disappeared after the mushroom fell away...I think she left me...'

Siegfried sat there as the drunkard told his story, nodding sympathetically and offering condolences as it was told. Godfrey kept his post, until finally the drunk had poured his heart out and asked to be allowed to go home. The prince gestured for him to go, letting out a sigh.

>All the shit rains down, sometimes I wonder if we'll ever really see the sun again.

"M'lord, that was very patient of you all things considered."

>Eh...figure I owed it to him. Pretty sure I screwed his sister a few months ago.

"..."

>That was a joke...maybe.

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Non-canon or out-of-order-timeline-wise New Years special

>AJ
"Pinkie"
'Fluttershy'
[Rarity]
{Twilight}
+Rainbow Dash+
~~~~

In Canterlot Times Square a group of friends stand watching the clock.
>Everypony get ready! The countdown is about to start.

"Oh I'm getting excited! Are you excited? I know I'm excited and OH MY GOSH FLUTTERSHY, HURRY UP OR YOU'LL MISS IT!"

'Oh I don't know if this was a good idea after all. There's so many ponies and-'

[Come now darling, don't be afraid. We'll be right here with you to support you.]

{Rarity's right. We've gone strange paths, but when it counts, we'll always be there for each other.}

'You really think so?'

"You bet! If not, consider it a New Years resolution!"

>A new year, a new chance.

Rainbow Dash adjusts her goggles.
+Aw yeah, it's about to happen. Start counting down.+
She takes off into the air.

>"'[{5...4...3...2...1 HAPPY NEW YEAR!}]'"

Pinkie fires off her party cannon and Rainbow Dash does a sonic rainboom.

'Eeek!'
Clouds start appearing in the sky

>What the? Ah, didn't schedule a cloudy day.

It starts raining. Rarity tastes the liquid.

[Oh dear...It's champaign.]

'I'm sorry...'

>...Ah reckon a lot of ponies are going to party harder than they thought tonight.

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NC

>Celestia
"Chrysalis"
~~~

>...Hey, Chrysalis?

"Yeah?"

>Nightmare Night was three days ago, right?

"...Yeeeah? Why?"

>I have the strangest urge to say happy new year...

"...That's weird."

>Little bit.

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>Daw
"Idris"
'Pommel'
[Guards]
~~~

The king had told them not to speak to him in mid flight, content to sit upon his faux-throne he had erected in front of the window looking out the bottom of the airship in silence.

The pony next to him, however, had always had problems with orders.

>So, noticin' you're kind of beat up.

'DAW!'

The king cracked a single weary eye, an irritated hawk-like gaze glaring right at her.

[Want me to toss her out?]

'No no! No necessary! Sorry, highness, she uh... isn't keen on royalty.'

He grunted, unamused.

>Now, be fair, I ain't saying that ta' knock him, just the opposite.

That eye opened up once again, curious.

>Just saying, everyone else who got taken over was all fixed up right as rain bout the time that stuff fell off, not so much as a scratch... cept' that one poor sap who was still on fire. But more to the point, you've still got a lot of cuts and such, which means you weren't taken over. What's up with that? Did the capitol come out okay?

Slowly, his single iris turned back to the window before him.

"Every single soldier, citizen and visitor in my kingdom was taken over, except for my family."

>WHOA! What!? How'd you guys survive that long!? No, bigger question, you were flyin' like you had a rocket shoved up yer' kingly rear, how are you still standing!?

'DAW!'

"Family is the most powerful thing in the world, pony, do not forget that. Normally, together, my clan is unstoppable."

>Normally?

"..."

The two guards moved between them, staring down harshly at the pegasus.

[The king does not wish to answer anymore questions.]

[Be silent or we will eject you.]

>Can't blame a mare for bein' curious.

[The actions of Zephyrious are none of your...]

Somehow, someway, his feathers went white when he realized what he just said. Beside him, the other guard slammed a claw to his beak.

[Damn it, Glura.]

They shared a look with their king, who to their immense relief only shrugged.

"They were going to hear it one way or the other. No doubt the whole damn kingdom has heard."

'Hear... what?'

Another glance, another uncaring shrug.

[The monster Chitania infiltrated the castle when this all broke out; Prince Zephyrious, next in line, convinced her to stick around long enough to inadvertently protect the royal family. Eventually, Chitania offered to fully protect them all, in exchange for a full pardon. She promised no harm would come to a single one of them, in exchange for going free.]

'...Chitania-chitania? Like, giant monster Chitania?'

[That one. Do you know of her?]

'...We've met...'

[Needless to say, the Queen did not take it well. She denied the monster, who left the capitol shortly after, and has been in a bad mood ever since.]

[The only one who has seen the prince has been his sister, the princess Hilda. Everyone else has been ordered to steer clear.]

[Considering how the people reacted when they heard he almost made a deal with that monster, probably for the best.]

'Wait, thought you said that only the royal family was left?'

"Yes, I did. Because that's what happened."

'So... how'd everyone else find out about this?'

"Either someone overheard my wife ranting her head off, or Siegfried told everyone because he felt like it."

>...Kind of a dick move either way.

"My wife cannot control her temper sometimes and my son has loose beaks when he drinks, which is all the time. It does not matter, what's done is done."

>So... was anyone left besides you guys when she made the offer?

"Yes, we learned later a great many pockets survived. But, again, it does not matter, because-"

>So why didn't ya' just say yes then run out into the middle of a crowd of yer' subjects? She said none o' you guys would get hurt in exchange, right? So she couldn't let any of them get infected, and she couldn't smash 'em without maybe hitting you... wouldn't ya' have a giant alien fightin' for you and protectin' everyone?

'...They aren't aliens.'

>BULLSHIT! You think I don't know what an alien sounds like!?

'They aren't. And don't call 32 an alien when you see him.'

>I'll call him what I like!

'See, this? This is why I joked about the leash back in Trottingham.'

>Suuure, that was so a joke.

'...He is getting all puffy, I noticed. Daw? I think you broke him.'

>Ain't the first time we broke royalty.

[...Your highness?]

"..."

[...We might have to jettison you.]

>HEY! Ah' didn't say nothing bad about him! We're not gonna fight him!

[Not for him, for you. He uh... his feathers going up like that normally means-]

There was a massive, reverberating SLAP when claw met face.

"Dumbass."

From then on, the cockpit was filled with the sound of low, angry mumbles.

>...
'...'
[...]
[...This was actually best case scenario...]

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NC

>???
"????"
~~~~~

*BOOM!KAPOP!SHOOM!*

>PINKIE WHY!? WHY ARE YOU SHOOTING OFF FIREWORKS EVERYWHERE!?

"I HAVE TO DO THIS! I HAVE TO!"

>WHYYYY!?

"I DON'T KNOW!... Happy new year!"

>IT'S FALL!

"I JUST SAID I DON'T KNOOOOOOW!"

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>Rekulk
"Trader Morlock"
'???'
~~~

"City of white is... amazing."

>Ha ha! Yes, muchly amazing, is it not? So many sights with which to see never seen in caves! But we must not be lookers, apprentice! We must find Vekir!

"But you keep trying to trade with everyone you come across."

>Well, of course. Rekulk must do his job.

"Oh... after we finish, will we meet Zhetri Thul?"

>Sadly, no. He is out helping world, many many ponies must be needing his help, especially now! Oh, poor Zhetri Thul, he must miss us so, but just could not get away when the earth shaker caused so much wrecking!

"Oh... may we meet Zhetri Thul's leader? The Queen he spoke of?"

>Perhaps! Very perhaps! The Queen of Bitches is muchly busy too!

"...She does not look busy."

>What are you... oh dear.

"I am confused, is the Queen of Bitches not nice?"

>That... is not Queen of bitches.

"...Not-Queen-Of-Bitches! Would you like to trade?"

>APPRENTICE NO!

'OH FUCK THERE'S MORE!'

>Please, Earth Shaker! Do not destroy us!

"...Earth Shaker is shorter than you made her sound."

'WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU JUST SAY!?'

>MUCH TIME FOR FLEEING NOW!

"...City of white is strange.."

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 >77
"88"
'???'
~~~

>So, after that, Chitania arrived. We all tried to stop her... did not go so well.

"Oh, good, so I wasn't crazy and I did, in fact, see Chitania charging my mushroom... okay."

>I was hoping for more of a reaction there.

"After the mushroom thing, dead superqueens are normal."

*SLAM!*

'WELL THERE YOU FUCKING ARE!'

>...

"...I hear high pitched shrieks, and am worried."

'Do you know how many hospital rooms I've had to slam open!? All of them! You're at the freaking end of the hallway!'

>Diamond Tiara... how nice of you to visit-OOF!

'Enjoy it.'

>Did... did you buy me a basket of fruit?

'Yes. Because I am a caring, thoughtful pony.'

>Right...

"Seventy Seven? Who is that... loud pony in the room?"

'Dang it, you can see? Shoot! I had blind jokes at the ready!... Aw, well, I'm gonna use them anyway.'

>Diamond Tiara-

'So this stallion walks into the bar with his dog, bartender looks over and says "You can't bring a dog in here!" Stallion says, "This is my seeing-eye dog." Bartender is so embarrassed he gives the stallion a free drink, and then he goes to a table near the door. A mare walks in the bar with a Chihuahua. The first one sees him, stops her and says "You can't bring that dog in here unless you tell him it's a seeing-eye dog." The mare graciously thanks the stallion and continues to the bar. She asks for a drink. The bartender says "Hey, you can't bring that dog in here!" The mare replies "This is my seeing-eye dog." The bartender gets mad and says "You can't have Chiwauas as seeing-eye dogs." The mare pauses for a half-second and replies "What?!?! They gave me a Chihuahua?!?"'

>...

"PPFT HAH!"

>...

"It was funny..."

'HAH! See? She liked it! See, you don't have to be blind to-'

>She can't see, Diamond Tiara, she just knows you're a pony because you said you were.

'Oh...'

>...

"..."

'...So, a stallion looks over and sees a blind mare in skydiving gear...'

"I like her."

>...Yeah, I can see why you would.

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NC

>Haymaker
"Jetset"
'Awkward Changeling'
[Rarity]
{Cadence}
~~~

>...He's just been sitting there in the shadows, just-

"Be silent."

>GAH!

"That is the opposite of what I said to do."

>Is there any particular reason you're staring over there? I feel like, as a guard, I should know this.

"That one is acting suspicious. If you really wished to do your job, you would be examining it."

>Who? The princess sitting there sipping tea, or the other, even hotter princess who is also sipping tea?

[Oh my! Really now, you shouldn't knock a lady in front of her, you'll hurt poor Cadence's feelings!]

{WAITWHAT!?}

[Sorry, darling, I know how it is sometimes... well, I've heard of it.]

{You are not hotter than me!}

[...Oh dear. You hadn't heard?]

{GUARD! Which one did you say was hotter?}

>...Uh...

[Clearly, he meant me.]

{Stop cutting him off!}

[I'm merely helping him along.]

{If you were really even near my level, you wouldn't need to beg.}

[WHAT DID YOU SAY!?]

{I. Said. If. You. Were. Near. My. Level. You. Wouldn't. Need. To. Beg. For. Compliments.}

[WHY YOU LITTLE!]

*TACKLE!*

{NOT THE HAIR! UNLIKE YOURS, IT'S PROPERLY MAINTAINED!}

[EAT MY PERFECTLY MANICURED HOOF!]

{You think THAT is perfectly manicured? Oh, well, this is explaining a lot-OOF!}

[EAT HORN!]

{Again, YOU are the one who needs to beg for compliments-NOT MY WAY PRETTIER FACE!}

*CRASH!*

>...Whoops. You, uh... you didn't mean them, did you?

"The changeling."

>...What changeling-GAH!

'...Hi...'

>How long have you been here!?

'...Oh, you know...'

>...

'...Mgnggghhh...'

"...I have deduced she is not a threat."

>Really. Did her melting into the floor at the thought of social situations tip you off?

"Yes."

>...Are you going to break that up?

[LETS SEE IF ANYONE THINKS YOU'RE STILL PRETTY AFTER THIS!]

{WE DON'T NEED TO SEE THE SAME FOR YOU! WE'LL ALREADY KNOW THEY WON'T!}

[GRRAAAHHHHHH!]

"...no..."

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 >Twilight
"Rarity"
'Pinkie'
[Dash]
{Fluttershy}
~~~

>Ugggghhhh...

The lavender mare slumped back in her chair, groaning with irritation. The rest of the currently present former Elements of Harmony looked to her from across their table at the nice little diner.

Currently, the only diner who wasn't still mostly covered in ash.

"Rough day, darling?"

>Ugh.

'Yeppers, that's a 'Day is bad' ugh. I can tell.'

[Ugh.]

{Not you too... what's wrong?}

[Twilight? You go first.]

>Just tired, annoyed with everything, and seeing as I'm the only princess currently standing, *I* get to deal with that whole guard situation!

"..."

{Guard situation?}

>Yeah, most of them uh... 'resigned due to stress.'

'Not like they did a whole lot anyway...'

>PINKIE!

'So! Dash! Your problem?'

[Same, sort of... Spitfire quit.]

>"'{...}'"

[This is where you're all shocked and go 'oh no!' and stuff.]

'I was just waiting for it to finally happen.'

"With how you treated her? I honestly am more surprised it took this long."

{Yeah...}

[Well, thanks for telling me I was being a jerk!]

'...I kiiiiind of felt like she deserved it.'

"Really, after what she pulled back during the leadup to the games?"

>Not to mention every wonderbolt being on drugs thanks to her... that stuff's dangerous.

{Not to mention all of the nasty things she let slip by...}

[...I'm confused how to feel now.]

>Then I'll change the subject, has anyone seen Applejack?

"She's still likely at home, darling."



'*Shudder*'

[...What?]

'NOTHING!'

{So... are we just waiting for her to get back whenever she wants?}

'...I say if she's not back tomorrow, we go visit. Aye?'

>"[{Aye!}]"

'AYES HAVE IT! So... what're we ordering?'

[Whatever doesn't have ash on it.]

'So... air?'



*POOF!*

>...Did the ash on the table just turn into cornflakes?

{Sorry...}

[...Meh. I'll live with it.]

>DASH NO!

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>32
"???"
'???'
~~

>Oh, home sweet dungeon cage, how I have missed thee so!... Not really.

"CHITTER!"

>Reggie old friend! You yet still remain with me after tasting the outside world? Unwise, one would think.

"CHITTER!"

>No, I did see you made a little welcome home pile for me, and I am very grateful, but-

'TINK!'

>No, Q, I never doubted you too helped him, as I doubted he could lift that candy bar on his own-

"CHITTER!"

>I am not knocking your strength, I am saying that the mass of the candybar exceeds your own, thus-

'TINK!'

>I am not calling you fat! I am saying a rock is more dense than-

'TINK!'

>DENSE MASS WISE, not weight wise!

"CHITTER!"

>No I am not saying you are wimpy either! I am... you know what? I'm sorry, and I am just happy you both are alright, and were not accidentally stepped on... or eaten, in your case.

"Chitter?"

>How am I supposed to know if that spider-ling is evil or not? I've never met her before now!

'Tink.'

>...Really? She brought me brownies? Well... that was kind of her...

'...Tink?'

>I only feel a little bad.

"Chitter!"

>...Yes. I do hope Seventy Seven comes to visit. I think... I've put a lot of anger I held for him behind me.

'Tink?'

>No... I don't suppose I am okay. I am happier that my sister is alive, and that she is back with those who will care for her, but...

"...Chitter."

>Yes. I love your company... but I am feeling quite alone.

'Tink.'

>Thank you for not taking that the wrong way.

"...Chitterchitter."

>...Really? Thorax tried to do WHAT while I was away!?

"Chitter!"

>Well, we can't have that, to the debate!

'TINK!'

>Crazy? I've never been more sane in my life.

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>77
"88"
'???'
~~~

>So then we started going on rides-

"Is this story almost over? You have been talking about your vacation for WAY too long!"

>...I'm only on day one...

"WHAT!?"

'Knock knock?'

A curious, cautious head poked around the side of the door, careful not to intrude.

>SPIKE! Come in, friend! I want you to meet my sister!

Wearily, he did so, snaking up to the bed with a strange trepidation.

'Hi. So... you're Eighty Eight? Nice to finally meet you...Seventy Seven talked about you all the time.'

"Nice to meet you... Spike, was it?"

'Yep.'

"...You sound short."

>EIGHT!

"He does!"

'I am kind of short.'

>Still!

"Sorry for helping a plant monster try to take over the world?"

'Wasn't your fault. Trust me, I know firstclaw that thing was... forceful.'

"First... are you a gryphon?"

'Nope.'

"...ohhhhh... You're the-"

'That I am.'

"...Why are you short?"

>EIGHT!

"I mean that in the fact he's... you know, not a giant monster! No offense."

'None taken. And I can grow... sometimes.'

"Really? How?"

'Never really looked into it.'

"...You never looked into it."

'Nope.'

"You can turn into a GIANT DRAGON, and you never investigated this."

'Don't even bring it up, really.'

"..."

'SO! I don't know if he told you yet, but your brother and me are on a team together!'

"He mentioned. What does A stand for?"

'...Beg pardon?'

"The A in A-team, what does it stand for?"

>Oh, you should have just asked me, I could have told you it was Ass-

'-Appleja-'

>-lt... wait, what?

'What did you say?'

>It's assault.

'Noooo, it's Applejack. Because it's her team.'

>That doesn't make any sense, she doesn't order us or command us in the field.

'Well, how much sense does assault make?'

>Because that's what we do! We assault things! Hell, our first ever mission was ASSAULTING an airship! It was in the name! And that's all we do! Threat pops up, we ASSAULT it!

'That doesn't mean that's what our team is!'

>It makes more sense than naming it after the mare who writes the paychecks!

'Applejack!'
>Assault!
'APPLEJACK!'
>ASSAULT!
'APPLEJAAACCK!'

>...
'...'
>...Assault.
'Do not make me bring in 42 for a tiebreaker!'

>I'll go get Diamond Tiara and Seven.

'YOU CHEAP ASSHOLE!'

"And you two are...friends, right?"

>Oh, the best.

'Like this. Seriously.'

>Why do you ask?

"...No reason..."

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 >Applebloom
"Applejack"
~~~

>Hey, AJ? Got a question.

"...Why do ah' suddenly wanna jump right outta the window..."

>Iffin' Changelings have never been known afore the weddin', but they've always been around and interacted with ponies, doesn't that mean they're all-

"Don't even go there!"

>...But-

"NO! Ah' told 'em not ta' do that disguisin' thing no more, and that's the last o' the matter! We ain't dredgin' that up no more! AH'M NOT HAVIN' NO MORE DEBATES ON THE FACT ANY OF 'EM THAT HAD SEX ARE TECHNICALLY RAPISTS! AH'M DONE, YA' HEAR! AH'M JUST DONE!"

>...Ah' meant the identity theft thing. Ain't they all guilty of stealin' identities?

"Oh.... yeah, they're all that too. But we figured it's best not ta' bring it up, since we're tryin' ta get away from all that."

>Yeah, guess that makes sense...

"..."


>...What's a rapist-

*WINDOWCRASH!*

>Fine, Ah'll just ask Granny... again...

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>Pommel
"Daw"

>Alright, finally, FINALLY, we're on the way home.

"We weren't before?"

>Well yes, but noq there is absolutely no chance of misdirection, misinterpretation of good directions-

"That map was HANDED to me upside down, thank you!"

>-or...whatever the hell happened in Shetland.

"I still blame that damn deer."

>Stop picking on him, he's not even here.

"Anyone that ties bells to their horns is nothing short of a cockhead."

>Ugh...regardless, in a few hours we should be in Canterlot.

"I still think we could have convinced featherface to put us up in his castle for a while."

>...

"Not LONG, just...long enough for me to filch a few valuables."

>...

"What? I see castles I get the itch, been that way since the third Lost/Forbidden/Hidden city we ended up raiding."

>Was that the one with djinn?

"I think it was the one with the giant spider actually."

>Either way, remember to behave yourself around the princesses that control the Sun, the Moon, Friendship, Love, Paperwork, and...whatever the hell Rarity is.

"No promises, and I'm keepin' a count by the way, you said seven princesses, if there ain't seven, you're getting it upside the head!"

>We talking the kind of upside the head I got in Mareswallow Marsh or the one I got in that tent in-

"The first one...the second if ya behave yourself."

>...is it bad I'm hoping one of them ended up banished now?

"Nope, just means you're a stallion. Ha!"

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