My ''Boyfriend'' Parody

IF I WAS A BLACK MAN YOU WOULD BE MY HOE, OR MAYBE AN ASIAN SO THAT WE COULD EAT EGGROLLS. I COULD BE A MEXICAN AND DRESS LIKE A CHOLO, BUT I'M JUST A WHITE CANADIAN WHO LOOKS LIKE A LESBO. I'M SAYING SWAG IT'S COOL, NEVER THOUGHT THAT IT FEEL GOOD WITH THESE MAGICAL BOOTS, A GYPSY SOLD THEM TO ME IT MAKES WISHES COME TRUE. SAY HELLO TO A NEGRO IN 3, 2, DAMN! I WANT TO BE EVERYTHING THAT I'M NOT, THAT'S WHY I SAY SWAG A LOT. I WISH I WAS A BLACK MAN, SO THESE TWO SHOES WOULD FIT, OR I COULD BE AN ASIAN TO EXTEND MY BABY DICK. I COULD BE A MEXICAN SELENA TOLD ME SO, BUT I'M A WHITE CANADIAN WHO LOOKS LIKE A LESBO, AND IT REALLY BLOWS. YO WHAT'S GOIN ON GUYS CAN I HANG WITH YOU? BEING A MINORITY IS ALL I WANT TO DO. I SAY SWAG A LOT I HEARD YOU GUYS DO TOO. WHY THE FUCK YOU WHISPERIN GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE DUDE. JUSTIN JUSTIN I NEED TO TALK TO JUSTIN. WHATS THE DEAL DOC I WAS HANGIN WITH MY NEW FRIENDS. I RAN SOME TESTS TURNS OUT YOU'RE A GIRL MAN, BUT I'M WITH SELENA DOES THAT MAKE ME A LESBIAN? EXACTLY! THAT EXPLAINS WHY, I CAN'T FIND MY COCK. IT WAS JUST SMALL I THOUGHT. TURNS OUT I'M YOUR GIRLFRIEND, BECAUSE I'M NOT A BRO. THAT'S WHY NEVER HAD SEX, I GOT NOTHING BELOW. I'M ACTUALLY A LESBIAN, THE DOCTOR TOLD ME SO. SO IF YOU WANNA SCISSOR, GIRL JUST LET ME KNOW, I'LL SCISSOR YOU FOR SURE. NOW THAT I KNOW THAT I'M REALLY A GIRL, DON'T WANNA BE A DIFFERENT NO MORE JUST A LESBIAN. SELENA: WAIT I NEED TO COME CLEAN, THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT ME THAT YOU DON'T KNOW I AM NOT A LADY. I DIDN'T WANNA SAY, THEY WOULD'VE KICKED ME OFF OF WIZARDS OF WAVERLY. IF YOU'RE ACTUALLY A MAN, DOES THAT MEAN I'M STRAIGHT? IT'S SO DAMN CONFUSING, I THOUGHT THAT I WAS GAY. CAN WE SCISSOR ANYWAY? OKAY. - SCISSOR HANDS - END BITCHES