Seishi Hidden Dev 7 P.2

John was squatting in front of the cliff, sword across his lap, smoking. It was a Tuesday morning for him. Or Friday. Or Sunday. It mattered not the day, it was his usual morning.

To stare over the southern ocean as the sun rose from the East, casting its warm light upon the waters. Something to put the swordsman at ease. Flower petals flitted down from his person as he quietly smoked, thinking. His thoughts were deep into review of the previous events. Of the tournament. Of his fights against others. Of how his hand trembled when he drew his blade. Of how he reacted with a fearful strike when spooked.

Of the dread black wings in his mind.

Alcohol, cigarettes, combat, none of it would clear the dark images from his mind. Nothing would stop the figure from looming ever out of sight. It was morning and he was already ready to go back to sleep.

Ready to retreat from the world and all involved.
(John)
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Seishi was now a full woman. His body changed via potion in a spiked drink. Foolish of him to fall for such a trick. His mind being buzzed because it was Saki who was watching him fight and offered the bottle to him for him trying his best. Saki was going to get was coming to her. Golden hues trail to see a familiar being, individual. Of course, John. Just John and nothing else but a simple swordsman. Very much unlike the many swordsman and swordswoman of Briar. Seishi would approach them and call out, "Good morning, John. Nice to see you this fine morning. What are you up to?"

The question rolled over to him like it was an easy process. Seishi wasn't use to being in a woman's body let alone knowing what to do with it. He was lucky to have Mackenzie help him do all his morning routines.

"No one else is arou-"

Seishi's spectacles followed abeing Seishi's never seen around here before. They'd spot them and then make their way over.

"Hey! State your name and where you are from."
(Seishi)

And then there was someone coming from the caves. A man that John hadn't seen before, idly wandering in as if there was nothing the matter. John had to blink a few times as he watched the cave intently as a result. He didn't even notice Seishi approaching behind to greet him.

As soon as the man exited, however? John was quick to whistle and then move on over to intercept. A power walk, his gaze focused intently on the strange, dark-haired man. Something irritating about random people entering the caves as if they had free reign.

He knew the roster.

"Hold there, stranger. Identify yourself. Reckon you must be new and rather bold."
(John)
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It was quite sad how a mere child was stopped and questioned as if she was really a threat to anyone or anything, but she had to remind herself that she was living on Agartha. The continent where people jumped the gun for every offense, major or minor. She was confused more then anything honestly, however it wasn't in her nature to be hostile or rude to people she didn't know. At least not knowingly that is.

"Why are you yelling and why are you accusing me of being bold? I don't even know who you all are."

One could say the child had a very blunt way of speaking, but that's just who she was. She said how she felt and what she thought at all times, and while they had no ill intent behind them occasionally her words were to heart.
(Phyre)
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John was growing to hate children on this foul continent. Each one acted as if they were some oppressed minority, oppressed by some vile adult conspiracy. That wasn't true, of course. They were all, without fail, arrogant and unruly gremlins. They needed discipline. They needed to be put in their place.

One such child seemed to cross the frustrated swordsman's path. He wanted his morning peace. He wanted to smoke and reflect on his current position in life, not play wrangler for one of the errant magi children in the world. His cigarette flared as it was brought down to a stub, the ash blowing away in a surge of wind as he exhaled sharply.

"Quiet. Towns have rules. You aren't a part of Briar Locke, which means you need to pay a toll. Normally it's a hundred for a kid, but since you decided to dip into the cave too, it'll be two hundred for the headache you're leaving us."

His right hand gripped the sheathe of his bladetightly, having to hold onto it at this point. Cold blue eyes glared at the impudent imp, waiting for any excuse to let loose.

"Reckon you pay the toll and move on. It's already a bad start to a day."
(John)
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Seishi approached the child. A blank expression appearing on their visage as usual. The girl was young and a bit uninformed of where she was. Understandable, but no less they had strict rules here that even children must follow. It was policy.

"Sorry, I don't usually yell. I was trying to get your attention.."

Seishi eyes John to observe what they'd do in this situation. She was the Sergeant of the Militia here so she didn't necessarily have to do all the work, but supervising her subordinates was also something she could do. And she was.

Although they'd walk closer, they'd say nothing after doing so. Picturing what John would do and how'd he handle the girl. Hopefully nothing too rash.
(Seishi)
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"Ummm I didn't know those were rules here, I don't come that often but you still didn't have to yell and be rude about it. I see who a lot of people don't like the people here."

She'd frown as she looked towards the male who was outlandishly rude for a moment, her periwinkle eyes narrowing at him for a few moments before turning to Seishi.

"It's alright ma'am. I'm sorry for breaking your rules."

The apology would be all that was spoken from her mouth before she'd walk over and drop the two-hundred crown in the woman's hand and turn to leave the area, unless somehow she was stopped.
(Phyre)
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John's grip on his blade tightened ever more. His gaze narrowed dangerously as he weighed the pros and cons of simply cutting down a child in the streets. How he so badly wanted to draw forth his blade and cut the insolent waif down. Hate coursed through him before a single rational thought snapped through his mind.

A single idea that made the man simply hook the blade back onto his belt. An idea strong enough to snap him from his funk long enough to mentally step back and assess the situation. A heavy sigh escaping his lips as he pulled out a new cigarette to light it. It was all getting to him, wasn't it.

"It'll be a hundred next time. Just pay before you enter the caves. Crafter named Chazlus would pay a pretty penny for any ores you harvest in the care. Can also pay in timber. Coin per unit."

A slow, steady breath.
(John)
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"Not many people do.. But they are well informed when they meet one of us..."

Droopy eyelids hover over the golden irises that gaze at the child. Examining their form. They definitely weren't from this area, but they'd most likely be asked in a moment or two. Seishi gladly took the coins and nodded at John's words as he spoke.

"Of course, of course. We're generous people if you just do as your told. No harm done. Before you go, where do you hail? You look kind enough to have a nice conversation with."

Seishi's directs her attention to the girl, but John's sudden slightly noticeable action arouses her attention. Not something you'd usually do around a child so it peaked her interest.

"If you do come by here again, I'm Seishi if you need someone to help you with anything."
(Seishi)
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Due to rubbing Phyre the wrong way she didn't really pay him any attention and instead focused solely on Seishi, who had a rather peculiar look on her face as she looked at Phyre. She had her own thoughts about them both herself, but she'd keep that to herself for now.


"I was actually born in Huangzhou but I spend a lot of time in Gehenna now. And I'll remember that Ms. Seishi. I should probably get going now though."

And then she'd abruptly turn around and begin heading back to Gehenna. Almost as if she was now anxious to get away from the man who had given her a bad vibe altogether. She was sure to tell Eshmun and Yandir about this rude individual she had encountered.
(Phyre)

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John would more than likely get praise from Seishi soon as he had the prices and what not sketched into his mind like it was second memory. Seishi would gladly remember it. For now, her attention was set on the girl. Her expression changed at the mention of Gehenna. Likely, that would be explained why.

"Ah, I see.. We just had a tournament there in, Huangzhou."

Her brows would slightly dip. Not much movement, but it was bit noticeable. She didn't want to alarm the child, but she wanted to make sure that she was indeed serious.

"I'm sorry to inform you, but Gehenna is our enemy. You can't be back and forth as you could be in danger of getting captured and used as a hostage. I'll let you off because you didn't know any better. But do remember, okay? Although, you are a child of Huangzhou so I guess it's okay, for now.. Stay safe on your way back."
(Seishi)
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John goes back to squatting at the edge of the cliff, his day off to a bad start already. The sword moved from the belt to his lap for the sake of comfort as he gazed out over the ocean once more. At least he knew Seishi was here, likely to sulk with him over various topics.

"Reckon you might as well join me over here. Lot to think about on my end."

He had a problem. Or rather, he had many problems. In the end, it would take a lot of effort to work through them all, so he was going to have to think on them one by one.

Starting with the ever trembling hand.
(John)
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Seishi sees the kid a bit dazed. Maybe she went to hard on them? Either way, her attention switched over to John as they caught her attention. Her quiet footsteps make her way over to John.

"I noticed... Something is bugging you, John. What is it? Thinking can only go a long way without talking about it," she voiced, peering over to the older male. Her glasses adjusted as they appeared to be slipping slightly. As for Kuja, Seishi would salute them fairly quickly and return her hand to her side before saying.

"Don't ask.."
(Seishi)
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Another cigarette butt cast off into oblivion. Another one pulled out and lit.

John's gaze never left the rolling ocean before him as the two talked about him. Not when Kuja approached to talk about doing something to fuck with Gehenna. Not when Seishi pointed out an obvious fact of the tense swordsman. His eyes were locked on a place that did not hold what he was trying to avoid.

Another slow drag. Another exhale of smoke.

"At this rate, why not declare war against Gehenna? Make it a short, decisive action? What do we accomplish trying hit and runs that yield no prisoners?"

They hadn't captured anyone recently, had they? Did they even get the sword from the honor duel Ashalle had brought up earlier? He had a lot of questions but Seishi asked one many had asked and John tried to avoid dealing with.

Talking only did so much.

"Same as usual, I reckon. Ghosts in the corner of my eye... The trembling hands. I just... I just don't know anymore. Atmos willing, I was about to drive my sword into a child out of frustration."

But why didn't he?

Soft petal fell from his pockets as he put something back in, his gaze drifting to them for a moment.
(John)
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Seishi says, "Kuja...is always weird."
Seishi rolled her eyes as Kuja left to continue hunting. Seishi would likely do the same, but after the first time he did it. There was a bit of a mix-up. He'd lay low for another day or so. Maybe. Those same eyes trailed back on John, his attention still pinpointed at the ocean. He was also avoiding Seishi's question. Clearly not wanting a hint of that conversation to start. It wasn't something Seishi wanted to pry into, but for a fellow Militia member, Seishi was going to at least try.

"John, I know you heard me. What is making you so frustrated that you were almost willing to strike that girl..? Is it power? A decline in morale? Woman troubles? It has to be something..." Seishi was trying her best to get John to let the cat out of the bag, but how far will her words go? She tried; maybe there was something she could relate to. She, too, was feeling a bit down after that tournament. Losing twice and not a single win made her glum right after. Seishi was confident in at least getting one person down, but none of that happened. Will it ever?

Why am I like this...?
(Seishi)
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Another butt cast into oblivion. John was dedicated to his cowboy killers for sure. Another nail in a future coffin. Unlike before, he was ready to talk. He was ready to face his issues head on.

"It's fear, Seishi. It's ain't a normal kind, either. It ain't some coward trying to hide from a monster. It's the fear of failure. Self-doubt. I choked hard at the tournament. I should have done better. I should have beaten Aether. I should have beaten Hendrix. But... I... I. . ."

Another pause as he pulled out his blade a little, examining the oil, blackened surface of the mithril.

"It builds as this frustration that'll explode. I can't seem to beat anyone but damn children. I feel so unfocused. I just... I'm always tired, Seishi. I second guess myself and miss the chance. You should have seen me when I talked to Noodles some time ago. Her demon played a trick, to spook me. I responded with violence.

Just a deft strike. I feel like she pities me and..."

A heavy sigh followed as he thought about Noodles for a moment. He thought about how she would have felt if he outright attacked and harmed that one child. It's what held him back. Not some rational, moral choice, but how another would have felt. His gaze rose as he observed the sunrise.

"I want to give her a dance she'll enjoy again."

The morning sunrise was beautiful for sure, but John preferred the moonlight amid the flowers.

(John)
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Seishi's head bobbed up and down as she listened to John's words. The feeling of not believing in yourself was quite common but in younger individuals. As they get overwhelmed by everyone else's power, they'll suddenly have a drop in confidence unless there is someone there to fuel their drive. Which, John needed in this case. A push into reality.

"I'll tell you this, John. I might have the same problem as you, but I fix it like this. I continue to think I'm weak, a straight loser. That way I'll believe I can continue to improve. It was like that when I use to fight Aeton in my younger days. Now he can't get a single win on me. But it's different for everyone since not everyone is the same when it comes to the mind..." she explained, wiggled her glasses to have them fixed and focused.

"Also, Hendrix is tough, even for you. He's quick and somewhat like Saki. Aether on the other hand... You probably weren't focused because of this fear you hold. You need to get over this obstacle. How do you intend to hop over?"

Seishi let the question hang for a bit awaiting his answer. John has helped Seishi before. Seishi only wanted to return the favor and in this case, she'd try her best to solve his problems so the old John was back instead of this sullen version of him.
(Seishi)
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How was he going to get over this obstacle?

John truly didn't know. How was he going to stop his hands from trembling every time he drew his weapon? How was he going to prevent his entire body freezing as he second guessed his choices in life? It wasn't just that he choked against tough opponents or opponents he could have beaten.

It was that he felt himself losing ground to everyone because of it. He couldn't truly identify. It always came back to the dark-winged angel, but that wasn't just it, was it?

There was also that oppressive aura from Ashalle he felt. He could feel the foul dread build then. It grasped at his throat when he tried to speak. It held his legs when he tried to move and fight. It was like an anchor around him, holding him in place as the world moved on.

Unfortunately, it was always the sullen John. His fears just grew and grew as time went on. Unchecked issues that he neglected, only for them to come back with a vengeance.

"I don't know. By my reckoning, I should hang up the blade and farm. Just a simple swordsman, Seishi. It ain't just feeling weak, it's feeling... useless. I didn't matter in the tournament. I don't matter on the sparring fields. I... I didn't matter against the angel.

I said I had the potential to kill a god and... hells, look at me!"
(John)
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 "Foolish..."

Seishi shook her head not believing what she was hearing. To think she'd hear John talk about retiring early and go farming. It was nonsense and John was one of the many good men here in Briar that showed true loyalty. Seishi wasn't going to give that up or she'd hear a mouthful from the Lieutenant and or the General. That is also something she didn't want as that would be such an annoying event of just complete hazing. Not and never again..

"I don't think you realize who you are talking to... John"

Seishi's other-self finally appeared in front of John. It was irritated by the words the spilled from John's mouth. They were likely going to say what they thought about how John viewed himself as a person. They were going to say a lot. "Useless? Do you think if you were useless you'd be in this damn Militia? Hell no. You'd be kicked to the curb. Shipped off to the border near Gehenna for them to use as their little work hanger. You're looking at someone who went from F to B- tier in the matter of a single year. Seishi improved through his own will and from other's advice."

They kept going on and on.

"Seishi lost twice. He had the same glum look on his/her face as you do now from disappointment. You don't have to always prove yourself when you know you're improving yourself. And if you think you have the potential to kill a god, think again. Not any of us have the potential to do that as you can see. Many of us might reach that height, but not now.."

Seishi inhaled from all the talking and exhaled just as quickly.
(Seishi)
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[09:43] The raging of Seishi was heard, for sure. John knew not of different sides of a person's mind, only the sound of frustration.

"Ain't just improvement. That's the issue. It's... It's fear. It's this feeling, Seishi. This grim dread that over takes me. This self-doubt that manifests itself."

He wanted to blame the angel, but that was an easy target to focus on. It was easy to give a figure that he saw only once that much power. In the end, it was more than that.

It was just John.

"I've not missed training. Not missed a sparring session. Not missed anything critical. Yet everytime I fight, I feel it. I feel my legs shake, my hands tremble. It... There has to be a reason. There has to be."

John could not find a reason for his fear. He needed on though, he needed a source. He needed a rationalization.

Yet... He couldn't.
(John)
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[09:51] Seishi rolled her eyes, but it wasn't her who was controlling at the moment.

"Fear can be easily escaped as quick as it comes. You just have to find a reason to find the courage to surpass your fears. Whether it be someone to protect, aiming to achieve a newfound power, or just for yourself. You just need to find a reason.."

Golden pupils lock-on to an Ookami who appeared in the distance. Seishi sighed before speaking low to themselves, or was it really?

"Seishi, handle that.. I think I did enough here."

Seishi would make her way over towards the Ookami with a blank expression. "Hello, welcome to Briarlocke. What brings you here, Miss?"
(Seishi)
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[09:56] He needed to find a reason.

Why was he fighting?

John's gaze glazed over as he let the cigarette fall from his mouth, falling to the beach below. Why did the swordsman draw his blade? Why did he seek to fight and grow stronger? What did it matter at all?

He had no answer. He couldn't think of one off hand. After all, he always presented himself as John, a swordsman, a wanderer who wanted to get better with the blade.

Just John.

But why? What was the end goal? His lips pursed as he got lost in his own thoughts, letting Seishi handle business as he contemplated deeply.
(John)