a guest Aug 12th, 2017 49 Never
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- I do more than my fair share of driving and use that time to think. My wheels are always turning (see what I did there). I'm sure there are some life lessons to learn from the most minor, mundane, driving actions. I'll leave those life lessons in the shadows for you guys to come up with your own interpretations. But for now, there is one minor thing that has exploded into the major target of my passive aggressiveness and I'd like to take this time to address a driving habit that I'm sure we are all aware of; blinkers.
- Blinkers. They were made so that we could alert other drivers of our intentions and to make driving that much more safe. And for that, I salute Thomas Edison, Leonardo Da Vinci, and the Egyptians for inventing blinkers. As far as I know, those people invented 99% of everything we currently use and my years of schooling have taught me, if one of those three people are on any multiple choice test about inventions, they're the right answer.
- Because safety no longer takes priority when driving, people use blinkers in many different ways. I've been making mental notes on this for about 100 years or so, since the time people flickered their candles to turn their horse and buggies to the left or right. Hopefully, I can make a few changes in the world of the lane change and entertain and educate. Everyone of you fit into one of these categories and if it's the wrong one, I will probably de-friend you, sorry.
- Rays Way
- You flip that little lever on the side of your steering wheel up or down to let your friendly neighbors to the left and right know where you need to go. Being the friendly people they are, they slow down or speed up to assist you in your navigational desires. You check your mirrors, speed up slightly, get over, and turn off your blinker. You give a little 5 finger wave to the motorist who has helped you achieve your goal as the traveling theme song from a Tom and Jerry cartoon plays in your head. I call this method, Rays Way, because in my many years of experience, I am the only one who still uses this method. To the rest of the world, this method is only a legend that maybe used to be around but no longer exists. Like the Unicorn, the Leprechaun, or the honest politician.
- Back In My Day
- This method is a very loose interpretation of the previous way. This method involves a driver turning on their blinker to let people who share the road know, that they need to turn left or right... in the next 5 -10 miles. This is personally annoying to me because I am the gentle motorist who will assist you in your travels. Meaning, I will unnecessarily change my speed to let you over. But when you decline my assistance, I then realize I have wasted gas in speeding up for you. Or I have slightly worn down my brake pads for you. And Back In My Day is too righteous to accept my offer? Maybe they forgot their blinker is on? Oh wait, they're changing lanes... Nevermind, they just swerved again. Is there even a driver behind the wheel? Yes. Yes there is, I see the poof of white perm and the reflection of magnifying glasses right below the horn.
- The NOW driver is aggressive. They need to get over now. Their method is best explained by calling them multi-taskers. In one fluid movement, in order, they flip the blinker, turn the wheel, check their surroundings (it's unknown why they do this), and finally they proceed to look forward again. They don't care who is around them. As far as my studies conclude, they aren't even aware that other people drive. These drivers are easy to spot if you look at their hands. Here's a fool proof method of spotting one of these blink and change motorist. If one hand is constantly at their ear holding what looks like a brainwashing mobile device, beware. They will... TURN NOW!
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