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- Message: 26
- Sent: 02/14/20 17:16:50
- To: Ashur
- Sender: Dianna
- Subject: Rostering
- I didn't tell her. I would never share your secrets like that - but therein lies some of the
- difficulty: I /was/ Sunaia's player.
- It's been awkward playing out a character with you that has recently made you so uncomfortable while
- I was working very hard to keep alt conflict separate AND keep quiet about who I play. I tend not
- to want people to know who my alts are because I typically choose such very different personalities
- to play - and Sunaia is VERY different from Dianna; so different that you obviously did not know
- that I played both.
- But, I can't leave you uncomfortable, thinking you've hurt someone and can't reach out; and I don't
- want you thinking I'd betrayed your confidence. I didn't betray your confidence - but you confirmed
- my suspicions, unbeknownst to you. I am sad that you've thought there would be negative blowback if
- you were to talk to me as Sunaia's player. It's been hard enough knowing that you didn't know I
- played both for so many weeks - and I intended for there to be NO alt conflict whatsoever, since
- Dianna had withdrawn her romantic interest in Ashur before Ashur and Sunaia ever met. I was rather
- surprised when Ashur suddenly took interest in Sunaia, and let it go where it would because I
- trusted you as a player - far more than I trust most.
- Still, with this last scene with Dianna and then your ooc confession, I realized I can't play both.
- And Dianna's friendship with Ashur means more to me than Sunaia getting married to Ashur or having a
- romance with him - so I rostered her.
- Truthfully, I've known there was something wrong since the day of that very-long IC argument, but I
- had hoped it would resolve itself or that I was making it up, that I was exaggerating my feelings of
- worry. But, I wasn't wrong - and I wish you would have talked to me as Sunaia. Just as I wish I
- had told you, earlier, that I played Di.
- I'm sorry for that. It wasn't done to hurt you; it was done to keep the mystery of my two very
- -different characters alive.
- In the end, I rostered Sunaia because I wanted to give you a way out, an easy way out, so you don't
- have to kill off Ashur. Other players have found Sunaia to be a bit too intense, as well, and have
- mis-read what was fully intended as IC emotion to be OOC, when it was never. With all of this
- combined, it just made sense to put her away, let someone else have a go at her. And frankly, I
- would not have liked to play out a scene in which Ashur had died. We weren't having fun with them,
- together, anymore; I wanted to put away what wasn't fun and just enjoy what I could - while allowing
- you to do the same. In the end, Sunaia has just run away, like she always does - and not because of
- Ashur. She got some information from Laric that she's afraid of, and it was already shaking her so
- hard, I was debating to have her run from that, if only into the woods. She's an intense and
- difficult mate/partner/companion; I'm aware of that. I'm a writer, and I don't shy away from such
- characters - but in RP, it can be hard for other players to get into as it's terribly demanding,
- from a time and emotional perspective. This is part of why Dianna is easier for people to interact
- with: She keeps to herself and shares nothing of her inner troubles with anyone for very IC
- I can only imagine how shaken this will leave you, but I'm not telling you to hurt you and the
- transparency I'm giving you now is to help. I can only hope it does and that you'll understand -
- and will talk to me about it, ooc, if you wish to.
- Yes, I'm sad to lose Sunaia; but she's a character, not a person. There are other characters and
- I'll pick up another alt. Very likely, I'll be extremely transparent, from now on, with those
- players who are close to Dianna, should I wind up with my new alt touching upon Dianna's friends -
- even if they're just friends. Because this has been too hard to keep - particularly as, even though
- I don't know you except through our RP, I like you.
- Dianna's / Sunaia's player
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