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  1. Message: 26
  2. Sent: 02/14/20 17:16:50
  3. To: Ashur
  4. Sender: Dianna
  5. Subject: Rostering
  6. --------------------
  7. I didn't tell her.  I would never share your secrets like that - but therein lies some of the
  8. difficulty:  I /was/ Sunaia's player.
  10. It's been awkward playing out a character with you that has recently made you so uncomfortable while
  11. I was working very hard to keep alt conflict separate AND keep quiet about who I play.  I tend not
  12. to want people to know who my alts are because I typically choose such very different personalities
  13. to play - and Sunaia is VERY different from Dianna; so different that you obviously did not know
  14. that I played both.
  16. But, I can't leave you uncomfortable, thinking you've hurt someone and can't reach out; and I don't
  17. want you thinking I'd betrayed your confidence.  I didn't betray your confidence - but you confirmed
  18. my suspicions, unbeknownst to you.  I am sad that you've thought there would be negative blowback if
  19. you were to talk to me as Sunaia's player.  It's been hard enough knowing that you didn't know I
  20. played both for so many weeks - and I intended for there to be NO alt conflict whatsoever, since
  21. Dianna had withdrawn her romantic interest in Ashur before Ashur and Sunaia ever met.  I was rather
  22. surprised when Ashur suddenly took interest in Sunaia, and let it go where it would because I
  23. trusted you as a player - far more than I trust most.
  25. Still, with this last scene with Dianna and then your ooc confession, I realized I can't play both.
  26. And Dianna's friendship with Ashur means more to me than Sunaia getting married to Ashur or having a
  27. romance with him - so I rostered her.
  29. Truthfully, I've known there was something wrong since the day of that very-long IC argument, but I
  30. had hoped it would resolve itself or that I was making it up, that I was exaggerating my feelings of
  31. worry.  But, I wasn't wrong - and I wish you would have talked to me as Sunaia.  Just as I wish I
  32. had told you, earlier, that I played Di.
  34. I'm sorry for that.  It wasn't done to hurt you; it was done to keep the mystery of my two very
  35. -different characters alive.
  37. In the end, I rostered Sunaia because I wanted to give you a way out, an easy way out, so you don't
  38. have to kill off Ashur.  Other players have found Sunaia to be a bit too intense, as well, and have
  39. mis-read what was fully intended as IC emotion to be OOC, when it was never.  With all of this
  40. combined, it just made sense to put her away, let someone else have a go at her.  And frankly, I
  41. would not have liked to play out a scene in which Ashur had died.  We weren't having fun with them,
  42. together, anymore; I wanted to put away what wasn't fun and just enjoy what I could - while allowing
  43. you to do the same.  In the end, Sunaia has just run away, like she always does - and not because of
  44. Ashur.  She got some information from Laric that she's afraid of, and it was already shaking her so
  45. hard, I was debating to have her run from that, if only into the woods.  She's an intense and
  46. difficult mate/partner/companion; I'm aware of that.  I'm a writer, and I don't shy away from such
  47. characters - but in RP, it can be hard for other players to get into as it's terribly demanding,
  48. from a time and emotional perspective.  This is part of why Dianna is easier for people to interact
  49. with:  She keeps to herself and shares nothing of her inner troubles with anyone for very IC
  50. reasons.
  52. I can only imagine how shaken this will leave you, but I'm not telling you to hurt you and the
  53. transparency I'm giving you now is to help.  I can only hope it does and that you'll understand -
  54. and will talk to me about it, ooc, if you wish to.
  56. Yes, I'm sad to lose Sunaia; but she's a character, not a person.  There are other characters and
  57. I'll pick up another alt.  Very likely, I'll be extremely transparent, from now on, with those
  58. players who are close to Dianna, should I wind up with my new alt touching upon Dianna's friends -
  59. even if they're just friends.  Because this has been too hard to keep - particularly as, even though
  60. I don't know you except through our RP, I like you.
  62. Dianna's / Sunaia's player
  63. --------------------
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