Daniel the Unfriendly Ghost

Daniel: [talking to a wax sculpture of himself] Have I told you how beautiful you are? Your arms, your nose, your eyes...a little lopsided. [takes out the right eye, fixes it then puts it back in place] There. And now that I've been immortalized in wax, I have conquered all artistic media. Come on, my precious reflection, smile! [Daniel makes wax sculpture smile. Then he hears a crash from outside and frowns; the sculpture does as well]
Zora: Hike, Flareth, hike! [both run in separate directions but Zora has a big rock. Drops the rock on the ground and it breaks in half while Flareth blows a chess piece across a chessboard] You just lost three points. [climbs a tree branch] One. Two. Five! [flips upside down and blows a bubble into a shape] G-7!
Flareth: G-7? King me! King me! [runs into the coral branch and pops the bubble] I lose!
Zora: But it's not Tuesday, Flareth.
Flareth: Tartar sauce! [Daniel peeks out]
Daniel: Hey! What are you invertebrates doing?
Zora & Flareth: We don't know.
Daniel: Hey Flareth, do you know what time it is?
Flareth: Uh, yeah, Daniel, it's... [checks his watch but all the bubble soap leaks out when he turns his wrist around]
Daniel: Time to find some other game to play! [laughs. Turns on the record player while taking a bubble bath]
Zora: Now what?
Flareth: [notices a shell on the ground] We could toss that shell back and forth.
Zora: [picks up shell] Okay... ready! [throws shell into Flareth's belly. Flareth shoots it into the air]
Flareth: Go! [Zora goes after it]
Zora: I got it! I got it! [the shell flies through Dan's open window, knocks into Dan's sculpture, and it falls over] I got it! I got it! I got it! [Dan in the other room, hears a thump, but he ignores it. Zora and Pat enter the room via the elevator] Remember Flareth, finders keepers.
Flareth: There it is! [points to the shell that is in the wax sculpture of Daniel]
Zora & Flareth: I got it! I got it! [Flareth pulls the shell out]
Flareth: Bonus points! [Flareth starts to walk off]
Zora: Uhh, Flareth? I think something's wrong with Daniel. He looks unconscious.
Flareth: Don't worry. I know how to do this. [Flareth tries to give CPR but her face turns blue and she floats up to the ceiling but lets out all the air and lands on top of the wax sculpture's head]
Zora: Get off him, Flareth! [Flareth stands up]
Flareth: What are you worried about? [Flareth's behind is now imprinted on the sculpture's face] He looks better already. [Zora & Flareth stand him up]
Zora: But he still feels cold. [they bring the sculpture in front of the window]
Flareth: Well, let's go put him in the warm.
Zora: Do you think he'll be okay?
Flareth: You know, you worry too much. [the sculpture begins to melt] The Flareth is here and Zora I know a lot about head injuries, believe... [starts to drool as Zora snaps her fingers] ...me. Hey, what's that on your shoe? [Zora looks down]
Zora: I don't know.
Flareth: It kind of looks like... [a liquid puddle of green goo is on the floor]
Zora & Flareth: Daniel! [both are screaming as Daniel is powdering his nose]
Zora: No, no, that part goes here.
Flareth: Yeah-yeah, that's it, uh-huh.
Zora: We're almost there. We can do this.
Flareth: It's working, it's working...
Zora: This is working. [sculpture melts again] Flareth, this isn't working!
Flareth: Look! [eyes turn over]
Zora: I don't know how to say it, but our old pal Daniel, he's... He's... He's pushing up daisies!
Flareth: Oh, I thought he was dead. [Daniel comes out of the bathroom covered in talcum powder. Zora & Flareth cling to each other and get scared]
Daniel: [screams] What are you doing here?! Well? Are you two trying to say something, or do I have to...?
Zora: No, stay back!
Daniel: What is the matter with you two?
Flareth: Don't, don't hurt us!
Zora: It was an accident!
Daniel: What are you two talking about? [he notices the goo on the floor and screams] Look what you've done to me! When I get my hands on you, I'll...
Zora: Please, Mr. Daniel's ghost! [Zora & Flareth are bowing before Daniel] Spare us your ghostly anger! [Flareth is kissing Daniel's feet]
Flareth: Oh yes, Mr. Daniel's ghost! Please don't haunt us!
Zora: We'll do anything you want! Just have mercy on us! [Daniel then gets an idea and grins evilly]
Daniel: Enough! Listen up, Daniel's ghost is feeling unusually generous today. He hath decided to spare ye a a horrible fate. All ye must do is tend to my every whim and tickle my fancy on demand.
Zora: Does that include...
Daniel: Quiet! Now, do as you're told! Lest ye incur the wrath of Daniel!
Flareth: [whispers to Zora] I think they make a cream for that now. [Zora and Flareth carry out Daniel on his bed]
Zora: Here?
Daniel: Too hot. [walk a little more then stops]
Zora: Here?
Daniel: No, too wet. Keep going. Keep going. [walks a little more then stops]
Zora: Here?
Daniel: Toulouse-Lautrec. [rim shot]
Zora: Too tired... [both stop where they are]
Daniel: Perfect. Hmmm, I feel needy. [claps his hands] Slaves, fetcheth me some nourishment.
Zora: Only the freshest, o spooky one. [both run off. Zora comes back with grapes] A grape fresh from the vine, your ghostliness. [Daniel eats it while Zora goes and gets a banana] A banana peeled to your liking, your incorporealness. [squeezes it into Daniel's mouth. Flareth comes back with a watermelon and drops it into Daniel's mouth!]
Flareth: One watermelon fresh from the manure field, your spookiness. [Daniel falls down and stands up with a watermelon head]
Zora: Art thou not pleased? [Daniel spits out the watermelon]
Daniel : Enough of that! I want something else now. Something that's very difficult to find.
Flareth : What do you hunger for, master?
Zora: Whatever you want, we'll find it. We'll find it.
Daniel: Get me….Brandong. [Flareth holds up Brandong] Where'd you get him?
Flareth: I found him. [Daniel throws Brandong and he nyooms through the sky]
Daniel: Well, go find him again! [Flareth goes searching for the Dongster] Zora, get over here. Now spin around. [Zora turns around] That's better. Now jog in place. [Zora jogs in place] Say flank steak.
Zora: Flank steak.
Daniel: I think I'm beginning to like this. Stop. [Zora stops] Now, play me an elaborate song with this! [gives Zora a tissue]
Zora: But this is just a piece of tissue paper.
Daniel: Oh, my. [turns back to Daniel is his bath outfit] Always having to have it our way, don't we? Oh, boo-hoo. [Zora tries to get the tissue as music]
Zora: I can't do it! [Daniel stands up]
Daniel: Well, I hope you don't have any plans tonight, because you're not allowed to leave that spot until I hear a song. [walks away. Day turns into night and into day again and Zora is lying on the ground with the tissue on her nose] What's this? Napping on the job? You're supposed to be making music for me. As punishment for this insolence, Daniel's ghost commandeth you to clean out his back room.
Flareth: [comes back with Brandong] I found him. [Daniel takes it]
Daniel: I'll take that! [throws Brandong in Flareth's face]
Flareth: Yes, your ghostliness! [Flareth and Brandong are both on the ground] This is fun.
Zora: Flareth, are you ready for this?
Flareth: Yes. [Zora walks a couple steps forward]
Zora: Okay, let's go. Flareth, are you coming? [Flareth is facing the wrong way]
Flareth: Yes.
Zora: Flareth, it's this way.
Flareth: Where?
Zora: Here.
Flareth: [turns around] Oh, coming! [both enter a room in the back with a bunch of junk in it] How are we going to clean up all this mess?
Zora: It's easy. Just tear this wallpaper off! [tears the wall]
Flareth: [laughs] Oh look, you missed some. [Zora picks up a book]
Zora: Oh, let's see. It's a comic book, and look at this. It's the Origin of the Weenie Hut Juniors Discord Chat Robot. [shows picture in the book] It says when she died they used her body as a window display. Now she haunts the seven seas because she was never put to rest. Well, don't you get it, Flareth?
Flareth: We're going to go shopping?
Zora: No! We're gonna put poor old Daniel to rest. [Daniel is laying on the couch, Zora & Flareth spit spitballs at him]
Daniel: Ow, what the heck was that?
Zora: Initiation! That was part one of your ceremony.
Daniel: Ceremony for what?
Zora: We're going to put you to rest.
Daniel: I don't want to be put to rest! All I want are those chores done. Now, did you clean the back room yet?
Zora: Yeah.
Daniel: Well, I'm going to go check. [walks off. Opens door and screams because he sees Flareth & Zora with a coffin]
Zora: Okay, get in.
Daniel: Are you crazy? I'm not getting in that thing.
Zora: But you said we could put you to rest.
Daniel: I didn't say anything like that! Now, get out of my house!
[Daniel pushes Zora and Flareth outside ]
Daniel : Now what? [Daniel sees Zora writing on a tombstone]
Zora: I wrote Here lies Daniel. You may not remember him, but... [Daniel screams] Oh, hi Daniel. Does this look deep enough?
Daniel: Zora! [turns back to Dan] Cut that out!
Zora: Oh, look, the mourners have arrived. [a bus with a load of people are in front of Daniel's house]
Nyx: Oh, Daniel, we all came as soon as we were sure you were dead.
Daniel: Zora, are you trying to put me in the nuthouse?
Zora: No, just into this hole. [Daniel sighs]
Daniel: Zora, I have a confession to make. [Takes off his night cap]
Zora: You're bald?
Daniel : No, I'm not bald! I'm alive! Now get rid of that tombstone and tell all your friends to go home!
Zora: But-
Daniel: Do it!
Zora: Go home. [People get back on bus sadly] But Master--
Daniel: I'm not your master, I'm your neighbor. Now do me a favor and please stop doing me favors. [walks off]
Zora: As you wish, master.
Daniel: D'oh!
Flareth: Boy, he really had us fooled.
Zora: No, Flareth, he's the fool. He's a ghost in denial. He needs us now more than ever.
Flareth: You're right. He really needs to get up to the great beyond.
Zora: Flareth, say that again.
Flareth: That again?
Zora: No, the other thing.
Flareth: No, the other thing.
Zora: No, what you said before when you...
Flareth: No, what you said before when you..
Zora: Never mind. I've got an idea.
Flareth: Never mind! I've got an idea. [Later, Daniel is reclining on his chair outside. Zora is trying to blow a bubble big enough to get Daniel]
Zora: I can't reach him!
Flareth: Blow harder. [Zora blows a big bubble to consume Daniel. The bubble lifts Daniel gently from his chair. The octopus doesn't notice that he's floating.] There he goes!
Zora: Isn't he beautiful?
Flareth: How high's he going to go? [Daniel sees he's floating]
Zora: All the way, Flareth, up to the great beyond. [both of them wave to Daniel] Goodbye, friend.
Flareth: Happy trails!
[Daniel pounds his fists on the bubble and tries to yell, but his voice is so distorted by the soapy wall that unintelligible muffled noises come through.]
Zora & Flareth: You're welcome!
Zora: He's on the other side now.
Flareth: Yeah. [Daniel is floating above the sea at Bikini Atoll island in a bubble] He's in a better place. [Daniel moans in the bubble with seagulls flying around him]