Nowhere Mind (2018)

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INDOXXI
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- We routinely adjust our interpretation

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of events and our scientific theories

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to satisfy the dogmatic
requirements of our beliefs.

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Our beliefs set the boundaries

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and define the limits of our
science, they always have.

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True skepticism is open mindedness,

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the enemy of dogma. It's
not about your body,

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you're consciousness,
that is what you are.

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Your consciousness is
already out of your body,

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you don't, you don't need
to get out of your body,

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you just need to get
into your consciousness.

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What do the facts of your life,

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the facts of your existence,
and your results say

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about the quality of your consciousness,

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the effectiveness of your process,

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or the size of your picture?

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- So how is everything?

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- As good as good can
get, given the circumstance.

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- Last time we talked a lot

20
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about you wanting to escape.

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- Yeah, it's like

22
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a heaviness,

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a pressure

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from people, just the noise.

25
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- How's the Zyprexa treating you?

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- Okay.

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- Any weight gain?

28
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- Yeah, a little.

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- You look the same to me.

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- I win I guess.

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- I've been
meaning to ask you,

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are you still smoking?

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- Yeah.

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- You know smoking's bad for you, right?

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Let me ask you this, and you
don't have to answer now,

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what are you most afraid
of in this moment?

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- My mind going, I guess.

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Forgetting who I am.

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I just miss the time when
this didn't define me,

40
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or define my

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fate, I guess.

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- That can't be easy.

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- Yeah, but.

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You know, there are people
suffering all over the place,

45
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and people who have it a
lot worse than I do, so.

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- Do you often think
about the pain of others?

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- Yeah, I guess.

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But having something in common with people

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gives me some comfort.

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You know, even if that thing is

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suffering.

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- Dead men.

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There's mountains.

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Europe has mountains.

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Birds, and flowers.

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We have military industrial complex,

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so it all goes to bombs.

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Lincoln.

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Lincoln.

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- Hey, Harold.

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How's it going?

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- Oh, man, good to see you.

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I'm really glad to have you here,

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you came all this way for me, man?

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- Yeah, not a problem.

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- Thank you.

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- You want a smoke, I got some.

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- Yeah, yeah,

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yeah.

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Oh, yeah.

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These are the ones I've been talking

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to him about, man, I kept bringing it up

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and, oh, hell, you know how they can be.

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- Yeah, I know how they can be.

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- Yeah, it's hard, man, it's hard.

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It's, uh, nowadays, man, it's just,

77
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it's just hard to tell, right?

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- I saw you counting your change,

79
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are you okay money wise?

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- Yeah, yeah, no, I.

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It's paying the bills,
man, it's paying the bills.

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You know, I'm fixing up the house,

83
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I mean, my office, and,

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well, shit, you know, it's a lot of work,

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it's more shit than I can do, right?

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- Yeah, yeah, oh, hey--

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- What the fuck?

88
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- They meant to tell you,

89
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they sent me your Christmas bonus early.

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- No, that's gonna be a problem, man,

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that's not a good investment, no, no.

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- Come on, you've earned it.

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- Did they tell you that?

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- Yeah.

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- Yeah, they tell you
this was tracked, man?

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- What?

97
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- Yeah, yeah, they gotta
get their cut, man,

98
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and you bring a fucking tracked bill,

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no, no, it's okay, man.

100
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Yeah, you take it, it's okay.

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You had it before, man, it was no problem,

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okay, I just can't take
something like that, that's all.

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- Okay.
- Yeah.

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- I'll keep it.
- Yeah.

105
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- Hey, what if, what if we just,

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that way they can't find us.

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- You're one of them.

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You're one of them.

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They're everywhere, man,
there's no stopping them now.

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It's over.

111
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It's over.

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All my work.

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For nothing.

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For nothing.

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- Ivan, hey man, you got this?

116
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- Yeah, yeah, I got it.

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- Super small,
iced, leave room for cream.

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- Mm, got it.

119
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- Ivan?

120
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- Holy shit, Emily?

121
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Emily Fisher.

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- How are you?

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- Not bad, just, yeah,
trying to keep from smoking,

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which is hard, 'cause it's the
only thing that gives me joy.

125
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- Okay, well, I had no
idea that you worked here,

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I come here all the time.

127
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- Oh, yeah, I work pretty late though, so.

128
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During the daylight I'm
trying to get my master's.

129
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- Oh, yeah,

130
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I guess undergrad just doesn't
cut it like it used to.

131
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- Exactly, well, Jesus, how about you?

132
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- Well, I'm also no
stranger to the darkness.

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- That's perfect, that's perfect for you.

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- I guess, thank you, no, I'm
actually headed there now,

135
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so I wanted to get something
to help me keep my eyes open.

136
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- Oh, yeah, don't let me hold you up.

137
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- No, no, no, will you be here in like,

138
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three minutes, and I'll
catch you on my way out?

139
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- Yeah, I'll be here.

140
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- Okay.

141
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- Hey,

142
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so I'm off tomorrow, and.

143
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I know we're both tired and old-ish,

144
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would you maybe want to
grab a drink sometime?

145
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Not now, obviously, but at sometime soon?

146
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- I, uh,

147
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yeah,

148
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yes.

149
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Yes.

150
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- Yeah.

151
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- For sure.

152
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- Alright, here.

153
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This is my number.

154
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How about you pick a place and a time

155
00:13:13,784 --> 00:13:16,069
and text me, and I'll meet you there?

156
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- Yeah, I can do that.

157
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- Did I just ask you out?

158
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- Yeah, it felt like it.

159
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- Good.

160
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- Your drink.

161
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- Don't need it!

162
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- Just go, just go, you got it.

163
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Go.

164
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Okay.

165
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- Boo.

166
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- Ah, hey.

167
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- Hey, how's it going?

168
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- Good, you?

169
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- Pretty good.

170
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- Hey, what can I get you to drink?

171
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- Is that good?

172
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- Uh, yeah, I'm into it.

173
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- Can I have one of those, please?

174
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- Sure.

175
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- Thank you.

176
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This place is great.

177
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- Is it too loud?

178
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- No, it's fine.

179
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So.

180
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Spill it.

181
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- What?

182
00:14:39,948 --> 00:14:41,801
- What have you been doing with your life?

183
00:14:41,801 --> 00:14:43,914
What are you getting your master's in?

184
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- It was physics before, but
then I got into consciousness,

185
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and I'm actually doing
this study right now,

186
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we're exploring out of body experiences.

187
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- No kidding.

188
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- Yeah, yeah, and I get to
be one of the guinea pigs

189
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that tries to have them.

190
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- Dude, that's nuts.

191
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- Yeah, right?

192
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- Have you had one?

193
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- It's, the other people
in the study for sure have.

194
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- We've had people in the hospital

195
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that say that they've left
their body during surgery.

196
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- When they're unconscious?

197
00:15:12,742 --> 00:15:16,240
- Yeah, about two years ago
we had this woman who said

198
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that she saw her husband standing over her

199
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in the OR when she was
under, and this was for,

200
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like, I don't know,
relatively minor thing,

201
00:15:21,942 --> 00:15:24,926
like, she was fine, but her husband went

202
00:15:24,926 --> 00:15:28,088
into cardiac arrest and
died when he was sitting

203
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in the waiting room, and he
never entered the OR once,

204
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and she said that she saw him
standing there the whole time.

205
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- That's incredible.

206
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- I know.

207
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- Well, what do you make of it all?

208
00:15:41,105 --> 00:15:42,521
- I don't know...

209
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coincidence?

210
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Yeah, I'm the worst, I just, I don't know,

211
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I feel like

212
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people dream funny dreams when
they're on anesthetic drugs,

213
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I mean, maybe if they suddenly
spoke a different language

214
00:15:55,915 --> 00:15:57,819
or knew the cure for
cancer, I'd be convinced

215
00:15:57,819 --> 00:16:00,422
that their soul just somehow
magically left their body.

216
00:16:00,422 --> 00:16:03,153
- That's a pretty high
bar to set for evidence.

217
00:16:03,153 --> 00:16:07,320
- Yeah, but I feel like
we set the bar pretty low

218
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when we want something to be true.

219
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- Yeah, I'll give you that.

220
00:16:14,623 --> 00:16:17,886
So that must be tough, your job?

221
00:16:17,886 --> 00:16:21,510
- Just physically, I mean,
helping people is the best,

222
00:16:21,510 --> 00:16:25,222
and if I ever actually, if
I ever actually save a life,

223
00:16:25,222 --> 00:16:27,824
I mean, that's why we do it, right?

224
00:16:30,582 --> 00:16:31,415
Oops.

225
00:16:37,027 --> 00:16:38,110
Are you okay?

226
00:16:39,066 --> 00:16:42,452
- Yeah, sorry, I just get
anxious in public spaces,

227
00:16:42,452 --> 00:16:43,285
it's dumb.

228
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Sorry, sorry, I hate that.

229
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:52,426
- Hey, it's okay, you're okay.

230
00:16:53,510 --> 00:16:55,347
You know what?

231
00:16:55,347 --> 00:16:59,514
We can just get out of here,
I will not give a shit, okay?

232
00:17:00,296 --> 00:17:01,560
- Okay.

233
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:04,664
- Hey, can we get the check, please?

234
00:17:04,664 --> 00:17:05,718
- Yeah, sure, no problem.

235
00:17:05,718 --> 00:17:06,718
- Thank you.

236
00:17:07,862 --> 00:17:08,695
Seriously.

237
00:17:10,524 --> 00:17:11,607
It's just me.

238
00:17:12,566 --> 00:17:13,566
No one else.

239
00:17:15,181 --> 00:17:16,014
You're okay.

240
00:17:17,874 --> 00:17:18,707
- Okay.

241
00:17:21,420 --> 00:17:22,680
- Here you are, no rush.

242
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,240
- Perfect timing.

243
00:17:25,240 --> 00:17:28,027
- Wow, that actually helped a bit.

244
00:17:28,027 --> 00:17:29,302
What are you, a hypnotist?

245
00:17:29,302 --> 00:17:30,885
- Yeah, definitely.

246
00:17:33,693 --> 00:17:36,360
Do you want to see my apartment?

247
00:17:43,431 --> 00:17:45,598
- Wow, your place is nice.

248
00:17:52,818 --> 00:17:55,235
You're a nurse in a hospital.

249
00:17:57,376 --> 00:17:59,568
- Want some?

250
00:17:59,568 --> 00:18:01,739
- Yeah, but I probably shouldn't.

251
00:18:01,739 --> 00:18:04,746
- That's not the guy I remember.

252
00:18:04,746 --> 00:18:07,520
- I get too paranoid these days.

253
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:11,687
Plus, I don't know it'll
affect that research thing.

254
00:18:13,636 --> 00:18:17,492
- It helps me sleep,
takes my mind off shit.

255
00:18:20,602 --> 00:18:23,011
- Until the fear starts to take hold.

256
00:18:28,249 --> 00:18:29,875
I've come for your soul.

257
00:18:29,875 --> 00:18:30,799
- Oh, shit.

258
00:18:30,799 --> 00:18:33,543
- Come for your, oh, give it to me,

259
00:18:33,543 --> 00:18:34,376
give me your skin.

260
00:18:37,896 --> 00:18:38,729
Sorry.

261
00:18:43,281 --> 00:18:45,864
- I have to tell you something,

262
00:18:47,998 --> 00:18:49,998
and it's really bad, and

263
00:18:53,029 --> 00:18:57,029
I feel awful, and you're
probably gonna hate me.

264
00:18:57,991 --> 00:19:00,241
- Jesus, what is it?

265
00:19:04,502 --> 00:19:05,335
- I.

266
00:19:07,164 --> 00:19:08,305
- Come on.

267
00:19:08,305 --> 00:19:09,472
- I'm engaged.

268
00:19:10,930 --> 00:19:13,517
Like, engaged engaged.

269
00:19:18,908 --> 00:19:23,075
I know it wasn't fair for
me not to say anything, but

270
00:19:24,258 --> 00:19:25,508
I just saw you,

271
00:19:26,985 --> 00:19:28,402
and I wanted you.

272
00:19:29,885 --> 00:19:32,058
I wanted you for a long time,

273
00:19:32,058 --> 00:19:35,141
and it just felt like my last chance.

274
00:19:38,356 --> 00:19:42,523
And I just thought that if you
knew, you wouldn't do this.

275
00:19:46,129 --> 00:19:48,829
- I have no problem with it.

276
00:19:48,829 --> 00:19:50,438
- Okay.

277
00:19:50,438 --> 00:19:54,190
- I mean, you didn't
promise me anything, right?

278
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:55,273
- Yeah, okay.

279
00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:58,663
Are you sure?

280
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:07,040
Okay, God, it feels good
to get it off my chest.

281
00:20:08,472 --> 00:20:09,472
- Who is he?

282
00:20:10,751 --> 00:20:13,668
- Oh, do you remember John Gardner?

283
00:20:16,485 --> 00:20:17,318
What?

284
00:20:19,234 --> 00:20:20,067
What is it?

285
00:20:20,067 --> 00:20:21,979
- I didn't say anything.

286
00:20:21,979 --> 00:20:23,547
- Fucking face, what?

287
00:20:23,547 --> 00:20:26,836
- No, no, he's a good guy, we were, like,

288
00:20:26,836 --> 00:20:28,867
roommates for a year.

289
00:20:28,867 --> 00:20:32,014
- Fuck.

290
00:20:32,014 --> 00:20:34,004
I'm so fucking stupid.

291
00:20:34,004 --> 00:20:34,837
- Stop.

292
00:20:34,837 --> 00:20:37,222
- No, I just hate myself
so much right now.

293
00:20:37,222 --> 00:20:40,403
- Look, I felt like if you
were really happy with him,

294
00:20:40,403 --> 00:20:43,278
you wouldn't have fucked
me, let's be honest.

295
00:20:43,278 --> 00:20:44,119
- Shut up.

296
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:47,179
It's, no, I just, I feel like
I'm on this conveyor belt,

297
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:49,501
and the path is set, and I cannot stray,

298
00:20:49,501 --> 00:20:52,676
even for a second if I wanted to.

299
00:20:55,890 --> 00:20:58,339
- I heard this saying that a
person who won't leave a room

300
00:20:58,339 --> 00:21:01,557
because they don't know how,
or because they're too afraid

301
00:21:01,557 --> 00:21:05,507
to open the door, they're
trapped, just the same,

302
00:21:05,507 --> 00:21:08,340
whether or not the door is locked.

303
00:21:09,259 --> 00:21:11,458
- I heard a saying once that people

304
00:21:11,458 --> 00:21:14,075
who say sayings are fucking douche bags.

305
00:21:16,106 --> 00:21:17,760
- Yeah, yeah, I set
myself up for that one.

306
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,340
- Oh, I'm sorry, you
know I'm joking, right?

307
00:21:19,340 --> 00:21:21,745
- Yeah, no, I just won't
ever give you advice again.

308
00:21:23,472 --> 00:21:25,055
- Oh, I don't know.

309
00:21:25,978 --> 00:21:29,853
John is fine, most of the time,

310
00:21:31,727 --> 00:21:33,394
but he drinks a lot,

311
00:21:34,230 --> 00:21:38,571
and he has cheated on me more than once.

312
00:21:40,842 --> 00:21:41,675
- Well.

313
00:21:43,194 --> 00:21:45,113
Now I like him less.

314
00:21:48,360 --> 00:21:50,181
He's not gonna barge in here, is he?

315
00:21:50,181 --> 00:21:54,348
- No, he's in Germany, or on
his way back from Germany.

316
00:21:55,727 --> 00:21:56,894
- Why Germany?

317
00:21:58,471 --> 00:22:00,289
- 'Cause he's in the army.

318
00:22:00,289 --> 00:22:01,224
- Fuck.

319
00:22:01,224 --> 00:22:02,279
- Yeah.

320
00:22:02,279 --> 00:22:03,931
- Fuck.

321
00:22:03,931 --> 00:22:06,431
Oh, shit, what did we just do?

322
00:22:07,507 --> 00:22:08,638
- I know.

323
00:22:12,462 --> 00:22:14,086
You know what?

324
00:22:14,086 --> 00:22:18,253
No, I feel like every chance
he's had to fuck around,

325
00:22:19,155 --> 00:22:22,322
he has, and every time I stood by him,

326
00:22:23,915 --> 00:22:25,248
so he can either

327
00:22:26,551 --> 00:22:27,718
forgive me, or

328
00:22:29,447 --> 00:22:31,097
leave.

329
00:22:31,097 --> 00:22:34,431
- I'd prefer if he never
found out about this.

330
00:22:34,431 --> 00:22:35,720
- Yeah.

331
00:22:40,547 --> 00:22:44,714
No matter what happens, I'm
really glad that we did this.

332
00:22:47,523 --> 00:22:48,423
- Same.

333
00:23:17,721 --> 00:23:19,371
Don't do that.

334
00:24:39,179 --> 00:24:40,105
Hey.

335
00:24:40,105 --> 00:24:41,272
- Hey.

336
00:24:43,198 --> 00:24:44,448
How's it going?

337
00:24:46,184 --> 00:24:47,549
- Good, great.

338
00:24:47,549 --> 00:24:50,361
- It was nice
seeing you the other day.

339
00:24:50,361 --> 00:24:52,194
- Yeah, yeah, you too.

340
00:24:53,653 --> 00:24:57,736
- Hey, listen,
John wants to talk to you.

341
00:24:59,932 --> 00:25:00,765
- Yeah?

342
00:25:04,561 --> 00:25:06,549
- Hey, brother, long time no see.

343
00:25:06,549 --> 00:25:09,956
- Hey, yeah, yeah, it's been awhile.

344
00:25:09,956 --> 00:25:11,224
- How's everything?

345
00:25:11,224 --> 00:25:13,441
Emily told me she ran into you.

346
00:25:13,441 --> 00:25:16,776
- Yeah, yeah, that, that happened.

347
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,921
So you two are getting hitched, huh?

348
00:25:22,921 --> 00:25:26,423
- Yeah, bet you never
thought you'd see the day.

349
00:25:26,423 --> 00:25:29,585
Just got back and got
tons of planning to do,

350
00:25:29,585 --> 00:25:32,679
I think today we're doing
the cake tasting thing,

351
00:25:32,679 --> 00:25:35,226
I don't know, but it's not all bad.

352
00:25:35,226 --> 00:25:38,782
- Yeah, who doesn't like cake, so.

353
00:25:38,782 --> 00:25:41,600
Emily told me you were in the army,

354
00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:43,838
and I was like, how did
I not hear about this?

355
00:25:43,838 --> 00:25:48,005
- Yeah, man, we
haven't spoken in forever.

356
00:25:48,068 --> 00:25:49,927
Long enough for me to go to hell and back.

357
00:25:49,927 --> 00:25:50,760
- When did you get back?

358
00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:54,927
- Hey, man, you wanna
come over for a drink tomorrow?

359
00:25:57,745 --> 00:26:00,162
I'd love to swap war stories.

360
00:26:02,077 --> 00:26:04,579
- Uh, yeah, that should work for me.

361
00:26:04,579 --> 00:26:05,746
- Yeah?

362
00:26:07,670 --> 00:26:10,253
- Yeah, yeah, that sounds good.

363
00:26:11,369 --> 00:26:13,025
- We can text you the address.

364
00:26:13,025 --> 00:26:15,853
Awesome, alright, I'll see
you then, peace, brother.

365
00:26:15,853 --> 00:26:17,518
- Yeah.

366
00:26:58,983 --> 00:26:59,816
- Hey.

367
00:26:59,825 --> 00:27:00,658
- Hey.

368
00:27:00,658 --> 00:27:01,519
- What's up, dude?

369
00:27:02,569 --> 00:27:03,609
- Get ready, I'm bringing it in close.

370
00:27:03,609 --> 00:27:04,442
- Hey, John.

371
00:27:04,442 --> 00:27:06,215
- Hey, how's it going?

372
00:27:06,215 --> 00:27:07,048
- Good, good.

373
00:27:07,048 --> 00:27:07,881
- Good seeing you man.

374
00:27:07,881 --> 00:27:08,714
- You too.

375
00:27:08,714 --> 00:27:09,852
- Come on in, let's do this.

376
00:27:12,847 --> 00:27:13,680
You ate, right?

377
00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:15,678
- Yeah, yeah, I'm good.

378
00:27:15,678 --> 00:27:19,845
- Good, 'cause this is all we got.

379
00:27:19,903 --> 00:27:21,958
- I'm gonna make such a mess.

380
00:27:21,958 --> 00:27:23,024
- What's new with you?

381
00:27:23,024 --> 00:27:25,040
Em says you're back in school.

382
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:28,984
- I told you, he's
literally soul searching.

383
00:27:28,984 --> 00:27:31,609
- Yeah, yeah, neuroscience, close enough.

384
00:27:31,609 --> 00:27:34,342
- Yeah, she said you were a
lab rat, what's that about?

385
00:27:34,342 --> 00:27:35,259
- Um, yeah.

386
00:27:37,183 --> 00:27:38,714
I'll just start from the beginning,

387
00:27:38,714 --> 00:27:42,783
a few years back, I saw this
talk at the university given

388
00:27:42,783 --> 00:27:44,825
by this wizard looking dude--

389
00:27:44,825 --> 00:27:46,352
- Like a Gandalf wizard?

390
00:27:46,352 --> 00:27:49,783
- Exactly, total Gandalf, so the talk was

391
00:27:49,783 --> 00:27:52,860
about consciousness and the idea

392
00:27:52,860 --> 00:27:56,261
that reality is all an illusion,

393
00:27:56,261 --> 00:27:59,430
and underneath it all is
this consciousness system

394
00:27:59,430 --> 00:28:00,968
that we're all a part of.

395
00:28:00,968 --> 00:28:05,014
And according to him,
with enough practice,

396
00:28:05,014 --> 00:28:09,181
we can all access this system
through advanced meditation,

397
00:28:10,026 --> 00:28:13,151
so when you hear about
out of body experiences

398
00:28:13,151 --> 00:28:16,215
or astral projection,
it's actually these people

399
00:28:16,215 --> 00:28:18,583
just breaking the
boundaries of the illusion.

400
00:28:18,583 --> 00:28:19,967
- So it's bullshit.

401
00:28:19,967 --> 00:28:21,228
- Maybe.

402
00:28:21,228 --> 00:28:24,293
Or maybe it's hard to
imagine the world is round

403
00:28:24,293 --> 00:28:27,735
if you always thought it was flat.

404
00:28:27,735 --> 00:28:28,568
- Fair.

405
00:28:29,867 --> 00:28:34,034
- So, yeah, now I'm
Gandalf's research buddy.

406
00:28:34,220 --> 00:28:35,706
- I'm so curious to see what you find out,

407
00:28:35,706 --> 00:28:37,718
I mean, this is not my area at all,

408
00:28:37,718 --> 00:28:41,501
but based on my ridiculously
limited background

409
00:28:41,501 --> 00:28:44,034
in medical research, I'm qualified enough

410
00:28:44,034 --> 00:28:45,420
to say that we know almost nothing

411
00:28:45,420 --> 00:28:46,253
about how the brain works.

412
00:28:46,253 --> 00:28:49,110
- No, right, exactly,
and this is weird, too,

413
00:28:49,110 --> 00:28:50,917
there's some evidence that observation

414
00:28:50,917 --> 00:28:54,486
alone can affect things
outside of our mind.

415
00:28:54,486 --> 00:28:56,041
You've heard of the double
slit experiment, right?

416
00:28:56,041 --> 00:28:56,874
- I have.

417
00:28:57,930 --> 00:28:59,778
No, I haven't.

418
00:28:59,778 --> 00:29:01,528
- Ignore him.

419
00:29:02,656 --> 00:29:03,622
- Please, educate.

420
00:29:03,622 --> 00:29:06,017
- Okay, the double slit experiment is one

421
00:29:06,017 --> 00:29:09,179
of the most replicated
experiments in physics

422
00:29:09,179 --> 00:29:11,994
because it is so fucking weird.

423
00:29:11,994 --> 00:29:16,000
So you have these two slits,
and behind that is a censor,

424
00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:19,538
like a wall, and if you blast
light through the slits,

425
00:29:19,538 --> 00:29:22,339
a wave pattern is created on the sensor,

426
00:29:22,339 --> 00:29:23,247
which makes sense, right,

427
00:29:23,247 --> 00:29:26,247
because light is like a wave, right?

428
00:29:27,267 --> 00:29:29,073
Okay, so later they figure out how

429
00:29:29,073 --> 00:29:31,823
to fire photons, light particles,

430
00:29:32,699 --> 00:29:34,532
one at a time through the slits,

431
00:29:34,532 --> 00:29:37,449
and they still make a wave pattern.

432
00:29:38,299 --> 00:29:39,289
- Okay.

433
00:29:39,289 --> 00:29:42,872
- Okay, okay, so blast
light, wave pattern,

434
00:29:44,399 --> 00:29:48,566
blast individual photon
particles, still a wave pattern.

435
00:29:50,045 --> 00:29:51,333
It's weird because you'd think

436
00:29:51,333 --> 00:29:55,500
that individual particles
would arrive kind of randomly,

437
00:29:55,589 --> 00:29:58,865
it wouldn't be able to create
the wave pattern one particle

438
00:29:58,865 --> 00:30:02,089
at a time, right, it
just doesn't make sense.

439
00:30:02,089 --> 00:30:05,096
- None of this shit makes any sense.

440
00:30:05,096 --> 00:30:05,929
- Shut up.

441
00:30:05,929 --> 00:30:10,096
- Okay, here's where it
actually gets interesting.

442
00:30:10,197 --> 00:30:11,892
To find out how individual particles

443
00:30:11,892 --> 00:30:15,420
could make wave patterns, they
set up these little detectors

444
00:30:15,420 --> 00:30:17,914
to see the particles
pass through the slits,

445
00:30:17,914 --> 00:30:22,081
and the particles totally
changed their behavior.

446
00:30:22,236 --> 00:30:24,171
The pattern on the sensor just looked

447
00:30:24,171 --> 00:30:26,482
like the particles shot
straight through the slits

448
00:30:26,482 --> 00:30:30,107
in a perfectly straight
line, no more wave pattern.

449
00:30:30,107 --> 00:30:31,689
They thought maybe the placement

450
00:30:31,689 --> 00:30:34,180
of the detectors interfered
with the particles somehow,

451
00:30:34,180 --> 00:30:38,347
so they turned them off,
but kept them in place,

452
00:30:38,578 --> 00:30:42,386
and the particles made
a wave pattern again.

453
00:30:42,386 --> 00:30:45,197
Detectors on, double slit pattern,

454
00:30:45,197 --> 00:30:47,530
detectors off, wave pattern.

455
00:30:49,606 --> 00:30:53,427
So the behavior of the particles depended

456
00:30:53,427 --> 00:30:57,594
on whether or not they were
actually being observed.

457
00:30:58,408 --> 00:30:59,241
- Spooky.

458
00:31:00,628 --> 00:31:01,461
- Wha?

459
00:31:03,329 --> 00:31:05,501
- I swear, every time I see
you I learn something new

460
00:31:05,501 --> 00:31:06,834
and awesome.

461
00:31:06,834 --> 00:31:10,307
- So John, you're a military man now, huh?

462
00:31:10,307 --> 00:31:13,149
How the hell did that happen?

463
00:31:13,149 --> 00:31:13,982
- Yeah.

464
00:31:15,671 --> 00:31:19,028
Sorry, yeah, it never used to
be this hard to talk about.

465
00:31:19,028 --> 00:31:20,695
- You don't have to.

466
00:31:22,061 --> 00:31:23,561
- I will say this.

467
00:31:26,372 --> 00:31:29,251
Being over there really shows
you what we take for granted,

468
00:31:29,251 --> 00:31:31,229
and I feel a lot of guilt about that.

469
00:31:31,229 --> 00:31:32,573
- I get that.

470
00:31:32,573 --> 00:31:34,421
- Seems like our days of
being spoiled are numbered,

471
00:31:34,421 --> 00:31:37,990
though, things aren't
what they used to be.

472
00:31:37,990 --> 00:31:41,268
I mean, there's a lot more
shared poverty nowadays.

473
00:31:41,268 --> 00:31:44,035
- Our system feeds on
poverty, it needs it.

474
00:31:44,035 --> 00:31:47,328
- Yeah, but on the other
hand, I mean, this wine.

475
00:31:47,328 --> 00:31:50,342
There's a heater in
here and a refrigerator.

476
00:31:50,342 --> 00:31:52,722
- And you got that beast of
an internet porn collection,

477
00:31:52,722 --> 00:31:53,913
so there's always that.

478
00:31:53,913 --> 00:31:54,837
- Yes.

479
00:31:54,837 --> 00:31:56,922
- Seriously, it's like a fucking terabyte.

480
00:31:56,922 --> 00:31:57,755
- On that hard drive.

481
00:31:57,755 --> 00:31:58,971
- I'm just saying, ugh.

482
00:31:58,971 --> 00:32:00,719
- Why don't you just stream
it like a normal person?

483
00:32:00,719 --> 00:32:03,661
- What, I am storing
up for the apocalypse.

484
00:32:03,661 --> 00:32:06,828
Got my vintage VHS '90s porn classics.

485
00:32:08,281 --> 00:32:09,234
- What, like Barbara's Bush?

486
00:32:10,831 --> 00:32:12,664
- And Ghost Thrusters.

487
00:32:13,690 --> 00:32:14,523
Cliff Banger.

488
00:32:17,744 --> 00:32:18,919
Forrest Hump.

489
00:32:22,326 --> 00:32:23,743
That's good shit.

490
00:32:25,280 --> 00:32:29,447
Ivan, in a couple weeks I'm
taking this hiking trip,

491
00:32:30,741 --> 00:32:34,908
kind of a last hurrah
before Em and I are trapped

492
00:32:35,076 --> 00:32:38,313
in a boring marriage for
the rest of our lives.

493
00:32:38,313 --> 00:32:40,730
- John wants to go on a vision quest.

494
00:32:40,730 --> 00:32:44,514
- I just want to set
up a tent on the beach

495
00:32:44,514 --> 00:32:46,514
and just feel the quiet.

496
00:32:47,945 --> 00:32:50,308
- I keep telling him that
even after we're married,

497
00:32:50,308 --> 00:32:53,108
he can still go off on a lonely pilgrimage

498
00:32:53,108 --> 00:32:55,979
to the middle of the
woods, but he doesn't get

499
00:32:55,979 --> 00:32:58,876
that I'm not a fucking prison guard, so.

500
00:32:58,876 --> 00:33:01,209
- It's not the same, I just,

501
00:33:02,363 --> 00:33:06,530
I could use a spiritual
guide on my vision quest.

502
00:33:07,007 --> 00:33:08,313
- Oh, wow, man, uh.

503
00:33:08,313 --> 00:33:09,881
- Oh, sorry, I didn't
mean to freak you out,

504
00:33:09,881 --> 00:33:11,962
I know it's, we haven seen
each other in forever,

505
00:33:11,962 --> 00:33:15,579
and, I don't know, I'm
digging the vibe here tonight.

506
00:33:15,579 --> 00:33:17,148
- Um,

507
00:33:17,148 --> 00:33:18,105
yeah.

508
00:33:18,105 --> 00:33:19,671
- Yeah?
- Yeah.

509
00:33:19,671 --> 00:33:20,504
- Seriously?

510
00:33:20,504 --> 00:33:21,337
- Yeah, yeah.

511
00:33:21,337 --> 00:33:22,170
- I mean, it's short notice,

512
00:33:22,170 --> 00:33:23,390
Gandalf's not gonna be pissed, is he?

513
00:33:23,390 --> 00:33:24,710
- No, that's, no, it's fine,

514
00:33:24,710 --> 00:33:26,544
I think that'll actually
be a good place for me

515
00:33:26,544 --> 00:33:30,197
to just unplug and practice
all this voodoo shit.

516
00:33:30,197 --> 00:33:32,873
- Yes, awesome, this is great.

517
00:33:32,873 --> 00:33:35,363
Look, I'll tell you all
about it after I pee,

518
00:33:35,363 --> 00:33:37,184
I'll be right back.

519
00:36:57,425 --> 00:36:59,176
- Rain around
the Chicago area today

520
00:36:59,176 --> 00:37:00,517
temperatures are holding at--

521
00:37:00,517 --> 00:37:01,596
- Hey, Mom.

522
00:37:01,596 --> 00:37:04,475
- Hey, where have you been hiding?

523
00:37:04,475 --> 00:37:06,091
I haven't seen you for awhile.

524
00:37:06,091 --> 00:37:07,388
- Yeah, there was no hiding,

525
00:37:07,388 --> 00:37:10,109
I was just at a friend's
place, having a drink.

526
00:37:10,109 --> 00:37:12,963
- You have an appointment
this morning, right?

527
00:37:12,963 --> 00:37:14,630
- Yeah, I do.

528
00:37:16,126 --> 00:37:19,721
- Are you still not taking your pills?

529
00:37:22,524 --> 00:37:25,420
- I can't, I can't handle that stuff.

530
00:37:25,420 --> 00:37:26,949
- I know you don't want to hear this,

531
00:37:26,949 --> 00:37:29,790
but I think that's a bad
idea, your doctor said

532
00:37:29,790 --> 00:37:31,967
that the side effects might
improve it if you just--

533
00:37:31,967 --> 00:37:33,673
- No, Mom, I don't know how
many ways I can tell you

534
00:37:33,673 --> 00:37:36,963
that that stuff makes
me want to kill myself.

535
00:37:36,963 --> 00:37:38,895
Look, I'm honestly
saying I'd rather be dead

536
00:37:38,895 --> 00:37:41,696
than spend the rest of
my life on that shit.

537
00:37:41,696 --> 00:37:45,433
I'd rather be crazy, for that matter.

538
00:37:45,433 --> 00:37:49,240
Look, it's not an easy situation, okay?

539
00:37:49,240 --> 00:37:51,407
But that's just how it is.

540
00:37:53,970 --> 00:37:56,968
- I just don't want to lose my son,

541
00:37:56,968 --> 00:37:58,984
does that make me a crazy person?

542
00:37:58,984 --> 00:38:02,945
- I know you don't, Mom,
but you want your son

543
00:38:02,945 --> 00:38:04,945
to like his life, right?

544
00:38:09,202 --> 00:38:10,202
- Come here.

545
00:38:13,686 --> 00:38:14,519
I do.

546
00:38:16,113 --> 00:38:18,280
I do want you to be happy.

547
00:38:20,119 --> 00:38:21,119
- Thank you.

548
00:38:31,887 --> 00:38:32,970
Are you okay?

549
00:38:35,841 --> 00:38:37,921
Seriously, are you okay?

550
00:38:43,241 --> 00:38:46,038
- I'm gonna break it off with him.

551
00:38:46,038 --> 00:38:46,977
I think.

552
00:38:49,885 --> 00:38:51,528
- What happened?

553
00:38:51,528 --> 00:38:52,593
- You know what happened.

554
00:38:57,900 --> 00:38:59,483
What are you doing?

555
00:39:00,691 --> 00:39:02,315
- You, you invited me over.

556
00:39:02,315 --> 00:39:06,482
- No, you idiot, why
are you going with him?

557
00:39:06,742 --> 00:39:09,811
- Look, I know it's weird,
I know how it looks,

558
00:39:09,811 --> 00:39:11,319
it's fucking weird.

559
00:39:11,319 --> 00:39:12,486
- Yeah, it is.

560
00:39:15,593 --> 00:39:17,510
- I have some problems.

561
00:39:19,175 --> 00:39:20,194
Some health problems,

562
00:39:20,194 --> 00:39:23,891
and I think it's a
really good idea if I go.

563
00:39:23,891 --> 00:39:25,124
- What's wrong?

564
00:39:25,124 --> 00:39:26,803
You're sick?

565
00:39:26,803 --> 00:39:28,303
- It's just, it's,

566
00:39:29,827 --> 00:39:32,050
it's just kind of hard to talk about, so.

567
00:39:32,050 --> 00:39:33,550
I, sometimes it's,

568
00:39:37,010 --> 00:39:38,308
can you do me a favor, could we wait

569
00:39:38,308 --> 00:39:41,225
to talk about this when I get back?

570
00:39:42,188 --> 00:39:44,361
I know it's a lot and it's kind

571
00:39:44,361 --> 00:39:46,944
of fucked up for me to do, but.

572
00:39:49,089 --> 00:39:51,988
But I hope you believe me, Emily,

573
00:39:51,988 --> 00:39:55,923
when I say I like you a lot, 'cause I do,

574
00:39:55,923 --> 00:39:59,914
and this trip isn't gonna change that,

575
00:39:59,914 --> 00:40:04,081
and I hope someday you can
understand why I'm going

576
00:40:05,416 --> 00:40:08,920
and maybe forgive me for
fucking you up in the process.

577
00:40:13,176 --> 00:40:15,676
- So is this thing contagious?

578
00:40:16,963 --> 00:40:18,299
- No.

579
00:41:02,643 --> 00:41:05,165
- Oh, one bed, well,

580
00:41:05,165 --> 00:41:08,357
at least it's big enough for both of us.

581
00:41:08,357 --> 00:41:09,599
- I'll take the floor.

582
00:41:09,599 --> 00:41:13,766
- Why, I need to cuddle
and be warm with my baby.

583
00:41:14,293 --> 00:41:15,755
- No, that's fine.
- Gonna snuggle.

584
00:41:15,755 --> 00:41:16,962
- John, John, it's fine, it's fine.

585
00:41:16,962 --> 00:41:18,729
- Alright, no, I got the floor, I insist.

586
00:41:18,729 --> 00:41:21,234
- No, no, no, no, you
brought me out here, so.

587
00:41:21,234 --> 00:41:22,901
- Alright, whatever.

588
00:41:24,551 --> 00:41:28,081
This is great, man, thanks
for coming out with me.

589
00:41:28,081 --> 00:41:29,581
- Yeah, of course.

590
00:41:30,431 --> 00:41:31,764
- You tired yet?

591
00:41:32,839 --> 00:41:33,922
- Not really.

592
00:41:51,251 --> 00:41:54,947
Look, I don't know where
you got this idea from,

593
00:41:54,947 --> 00:41:57,614
no, she's just, she found me, I,

594
00:41:59,199 --> 00:42:02,468
I would never do that, Emily, no.

595
00:42:02,468 --> 00:42:03,645
No, I didn't fuck her.

596
00:42:03,645 --> 00:42:04,728
- Ivan.

597
00:42:04,728 --> 00:42:05,561
- No.

598
00:42:05,561 --> 00:42:06,488
- Ivan.

599
00:42:06,488 --> 00:42:08,280
- Look, I agree, you're a good guy.

600
00:42:08,280 --> 00:42:09,113
- Ivan.

601
00:42:09,113 --> 00:42:10,144
- Yeah, yes?

602
00:42:10,144 --> 00:42:13,715
- You're talking in your sleep.

603
00:42:13,715 --> 00:42:14,548
- Really?

604
00:42:15,946 --> 00:42:20,113
- Yeah, you just said you
didn't fuck my fiance.

605
00:42:20,451 --> 00:42:22,245
- I must have, um.

606
00:42:22,245 --> 00:42:26,412
- You dreaming I was
interrogating your or something?

607
00:42:26,811 --> 00:42:28,894
- Yeah, yeah, I think so.

608
00:42:30,854 --> 00:42:32,732
That really didn't just happen?

609
00:42:32,732 --> 00:42:36,899
- No, I've been asleep for
like, an hour and a half.

610
00:42:37,852 --> 00:42:40,949
- Look, I'm sorry, I'm out of it,

611
00:42:40,949 --> 00:42:44,044
I haven't drank that much in awhile.

612
00:42:44,044 --> 00:42:45,794
- It's all good, man.

613
00:42:52,388 --> 00:42:53,221
Dumbass.

614
00:42:56,644 --> 00:42:58,757
- You've been to this spot before?

615
00:42:58,757 --> 00:43:02,072
- Not this exact spot, but
I've heard good things.

616
00:43:02,072 --> 00:43:04,049
- Private beach?

617
00:43:04,049 --> 00:43:06,776
- Not exactly, it's pretty far in,

618
00:43:06,776 --> 00:43:09,100
most people don't hike all the way in.

619
00:43:09,100 --> 00:43:09,933
- Awesome.

620
00:43:12,225 --> 00:43:14,058
- Thank you very much.

621
00:43:19,420 --> 00:43:20,832
What?

622
00:43:20,832 --> 00:43:21,944
- What the fuck was that?

623
00:43:21,944 --> 00:43:22,777
- What?

624
00:43:22,777 --> 00:43:25,001
- That shit eating grin.

625
00:43:25,001 --> 00:43:26,368
- Politeness?

626
00:43:26,368 --> 00:43:27,201
- Right.

627
00:43:28,310 --> 00:43:32,477
- Plus I'm not married yet.

628
00:43:32,681 --> 00:43:34,024
What, Jiminy Cricket, what?

629
00:43:34,024 --> 00:43:35,845
- It's just douchey,
man, we used to make fun

630
00:43:35,845 --> 00:43:39,356
of assholes that did shit like that.

631
00:43:39,356 --> 00:43:42,580
- How long have you had a thing for Emily?

632
00:43:42,580 --> 00:43:44,315
Just curious, no big deal.

633
00:43:44,315 --> 00:43:45,323
- That's not what this is.

634
00:43:45,323 --> 00:43:48,334
- Right, you're talking in your sleep,

635
00:43:48,334 --> 00:43:50,899
this weird protection of her,

636
00:43:50,899 --> 00:43:53,374
I get it, it's way fucking obvious.

637
00:43:53,374 --> 00:43:56,089
- Look, I don't want
there to be any bad blood,

638
00:43:56,089 --> 00:43:58,874
there's nothing going on.

639
00:43:58,874 --> 00:43:59,707
- Okay.

640
00:44:04,687 --> 00:44:06,622
- Here, show me on this thing
again where we're going?

641
00:44:06,622 --> 00:44:07,455
- Alright.

642
00:44:09,419 --> 00:44:11,930
So we're gonna, here we are,

643
00:44:11,930 --> 00:44:15,977
follow this ridge down to this area here,

644
00:44:15,977 --> 00:44:18,721
it's pretty steep, we won't
exactly have to rappel

645
00:44:18,721 --> 00:44:21,032
or anything, but it'll be hairy,

646
00:44:21,032 --> 00:44:24,642
then we'll cut over here
about two and a half hours,

647
00:44:24,642 --> 00:44:26,520
and then we'll be at
our home away from home

648
00:44:26,520 --> 00:44:28,032
for the next two weeks.

649
00:44:28,032 --> 00:44:29,570
- Anything out there that can kill us?

650
00:44:29,570 --> 00:44:32,299
- Yeah, being stupid, falling off a cliff.

651
00:44:32,299 --> 00:44:34,584
- What about, like, snakes, or?

652
00:44:34,584 --> 00:44:37,537
- It's bear country, mountain lions,

653
00:44:37,537 --> 00:44:38,728
but if you're loud enough on the trail,

654
00:44:38,728 --> 00:44:40,228
they'll stay away.

655
00:44:42,155 --> 00:44:44,552
The land, though, is
owned by the government,

656
00:44:44,552 --> 00:44:47,385
so if anyone asks, just play dumb.

657
00:44:50,795 --> 00:44:52,054
- That would have been a lot easier

658
00:44:52,054 --> 00:44:54,742
to do before you said anything.

659
00:44:54,742 --> 00:44:56,071
- Sorry.

660
00:45:30,378 --> 00:45:32,467
So if we keep heading west,

661
00:45:32,467 --> 00:45:35,300
we should be in pretty good shape.

662
00:45:36,308 --> 00:45:40,475
Worse comes to worse, my
cellphone's mostly charged.

663
00:47:17,138 --> 00:47:19,359
What do you think?

664
00:47:26,788 --> 00:47:27,621
- Awesome.

665
00:48:04,480 --> 00:48:06,720
I'm gonna pass out.

666
00:48:11,062 --> 00:48:14,183
- I need a little more this way.

667
00:48:26,305 --> 00:48:28,433
- Can't believe how many stars.

668
00:48:32,185 --> 00:48:36,352
- And this is why the city sucks.

669
00:48:36,792 --> 00:48:40,125
- Yeah, wish I knew more constellations.

670
00:48:45,499 --> 00:48:47,832
You're an aliens guy, right?

671
00:48:49,209 --> 00:48:51,930
I feel like I remember that.

672
00:48:51,930 --> 00:48:56,074
We're not alone in the
universe, according to Ivan.

673
00:48:56,074 --> 00:48:56,907
- No.

674
00:48:57,922 --> 00:49:01,140
No, I'd say we're the only planet

675
00:49:01,140 --> 00:49:02,708
in the whole universe comprised

676
00:49:02,708 --> 00:49:06,083
of over a billion galaxies
that has life on it,

677
00:49:06,083 --> 00:49:09,316
I mean, that's obvious, right?

678
00:49:09,316 --> 00:49:11,624
Forget the fact that we've discovered

679
00:49:11,624 --> 00:49:14,097
over 2,000 exoplanets,

680
00:49:14,097 --> 00:49:17,180
30 of which are in the habitable zone

681
00:49:19,106 --> 00:49:20,631
that we know of, so.

682
00:49:20,631 --> 00:49:22,175
- Sorry I asked.

683
00:49:22,175 --> 00:49:26,342
- I mean, it's ridiculous
to think that we're alone.

684
00:49:28,529 --> 00:49:30,309
- I don't know, I agree with that,

685
00:49:30,309 --> 00:49:34,476
I guess, but I just, I don't
know, what about the farmers,

686
00:49:36,580 --> 00:49:38,667
talking about their
cows getting probed, or.

687
00:49:38,667 --> 00:49:40,462
- Jesus.

688
00:49:40,462 --> 00:49:42,712
- Spacecraft crashing, and.

689
00:49:44,494 --> 00:49:47,529
Do you think we've got
ET locked up somewhere?

690
00:49:47,529 --> 00:49:50,279
- Maybe, maybe life as we know it

691
00:49:51,968 --> 00:49:54,865
travels through the universe on a comet,

692
00:49:54,865 --> 00:49:57,115
or meteor, or spacecraft.

693
00:49:59,362 --> 00:50:00,445
- Huh.

694
00:50:01,425 --> 00:50:04,342
- Maybe life has always been around

695
00:50:05,487 --> 00:50:07,404
in one form or another.

696
00:50:08,728 --> 00:50:11,061
- The important question is,

697
00:50:13,088 --> 00:50:16,296
has anybody ever fucked an alien?

698
00:50:20,244 --> 00:50:22,231
- God, I hope so.

699
00:50:25,228 --> 00:50:26,061
- Me too.

700
00:50:27,174 --> 00:50:31,341
I bet they've got way more holes.

701
00:50:32,816 --> 00:50:34,256
- Like a flute.

702
00:50:36,011 --> 00:50:39,271
Wait, , under a flute,

703
00:50:39,271 --> 00:50:43,157
they're all, those are all holes.

704
00:50:43,157 --> 00:50:44,796
- It plays music.

705
00:50:45,629 --> 00:50:47,625
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, that's exactly it.

706
00:50:47,625 --> 00:50:48,970
- We're both thinking it.

707
00:50:48,970 --> 00:50:52,256
- That's exactly
what I was thinking.

708
00:50:52,256 --> 00:50:54,201
- Oh, God.

709
00:50:55,898 --> 00:50:57,366
- No, not, not right there.

710
00:50:59,065 --> 00:50:59,898
Yeah, you hit it.

711
00:51:00,867 --> 00:51:03,950
You hit it.

712
00:51:04,843 --> 00:51:08,093
- That's the dumbest thing ever.

713
00:51:57,148 --> 00:51:58,179
- So dumb.

714
00:51:58,179 --> 00:52:01,427
- Oh, man, if I never
seen another billboard

715
00:52:01,427 --> 00:52:04,815
or hear another commercial
again, I'm all set.

716
00:52:04,815 --> 00:52:06,360
- Amen.

717
00:52:10,929 --> 00:52:12,945
- So what next?

718
00:52:17,982 --> 00:52:19,469
- You see that big one?

719
00:52:19,469 --> 00:52:20,967
Right by the dead tree?

720
00:52:20,967 --> 00:52:22,384
- Yeah, I see it.

721
00:52:25,208 --> 00:52:26,041
- Now.

722
00:52:42,063 --> 00:52:45,270
You know, when I first
came up with this idea,

723
00:52:45,270 --> 00:52:48,597
I thought about coming by myself,

724
00:52:48,597 --> 00:52:50,029
and then Em mentioned your name,

725
00:52:50,029 --> 00:52:54,196
and I was like, fuck,
yeah, Ivan, of course!

726
00:52:54,302 --> 00:52:58,181
It's a tragedy that you and
I haven't seen each other

727
00:52:58,181 --> 00:53:00,514
in as long as it's been, so.

728
00:53:02,406 --> 00:53:04,860
It's good to have you here.

729
00:53:04,860 --> 00:53:05,742
- Thanks.

730
00:53:05,742 --> 00:53:06,575
- And

731
00:53:07,557 --> 00:53:10,474
being around people that you trust.

732
00:53:13,773 --> 00:53:15,409
That's all there is.

733
00:53:15,409 --> 00:53:17,326
- Yeah, yeah, for sure.

734
00:53:23,782 --> 00:53:26,365
Why didn't you bring her along?

735
00:53:30,138 --> 00:53:32,121
- Em and I are fine.

736
00:53:34,994 --> 00:53:35,827
But

737
00:53:39,301 --> 00:53:43,468
sometimes I think about
all the years ahead of us,

738
00:53:45,205 --> 00:53:47,705
just sitting in the same room,

739
00:53:49,743 --> 00:53:51,804
watching each other lose our minds,

740
00:53:51,804 --> 00:53:54,221
you know, the great collapse.

741
00:53:57,263 --> 00:54:00,175
I think about cleaning up
after our would be kids,

742
00:54:00,175 --> 00:54:04,175
and all the shit that
goes along with that, and.

743
00:54:08,498 --> 00:54:12,331
It just feels like it
could be so suffocating.

744
00:54:13,584 --> 00:54:17,493
So I want to extend the chapter preceding.

745
00:54:24,036 --> 00:54:26,369
- I doubt it'll be that bad.

746
00:54:30,208 --> 00:54:32,982
- Yeah, you're probably right.

747
00:54:39,280 --> 00:54:40,780
Hope you're right.

748
00:55:28,249 --> 00:55:29,082
Ivan, hey.

749
00:55:30,545 --> 00:55:31,889
Ivan.

750
00:55:31,889 --> 00:55:33,038
Fuck.

751
00:55:33,038 --> 00:55:33,871
You okay?

752
00:55:33,871 --> 00:55:35,230
I'm coming in.

753
00:55:37,765 --> 00:55:39,039
- It's not my fault.

754
00:55:39,039 --> 00:55:41,039
- What's not your fault?

755
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:43,881
What's not your fault?

756
00:55:43,881 --> 00:55:47,118
Hey, hey, hey, shh, shh, shh, shh.

757
00:55:47,118 --> 00:55:48,449
Hey, it's okay.

758
00:55:49,453 --> 00:55:52,325
- Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

759
00:55:52,325 --> 00:55:53,158
- We're all good.

760
00:55:53,158 --> 00:55:54,961
- I'm sorry.

761
00:55:54,961 --> 00:55:55,826
I'm sorry.

762
00:55:55,826 --> 00:55:56,659
- Fuck.

763
00:56:17,876 --> 00:56:19,363
It's all you.

764
00:56:23,102 --> 00:56:23,935
- Thanks.

765
00:56:26,940 --> 00:56:29,935
- Before we head in,
you sure you don't want

766
00:56:29,935 --> 00:56:32,693
to get a return ticket, get out of here?

767
00:56:32,693 --> 00:56:35,004
I've got no problem doing that for you.

768
00:56:35,004 --> 00:56:36,337
- No, it's fine.

769
00:56:38,422 --> 00:56:42,291
I just feel terrible,
I should have told you.

770
00:56:42,291 --> 00:56:43,561
- It's cool, man, I just need

771
00:56:43,561 --> 00:56:46,548
to know you're going to be okay.

772
00:56:46,548 --> 00:56:48,965
- It's not usually like that.

773
00:56:51,043 --> 00:56:52,626
That was different.

774
00:56:54,866 --> 00:56:58,924
It must be the booze, or
me being off my routine,

775
00:56:58,924 --> 00:57:02,090
or something, it's fucking with me.

776
00:57:02,090 --> 00:57:03,173
- What is it?

777
00:57:05,083 --> 00:57:08,333
- Schizoaffective disorder, they think.

778
00:57:10,431 --> 00:57:14,101
I get paranoid and sometimes hallucinate.

779
00:57:19,895 --> 00:57:22,893
Yeah, that's how I looked
when they first diagnosed me.

780
00:57:22,893 --> 00:57:25,976
- What do they do, how do you fix it?

781
00:57:27,948 --> 00:57:30,830
- I'm supposed to be on meds.

782
00:57:30,830 --> 00:57:34,076
But the last time I took
those longer than a week,

783
00:57:34,076 --> 00:57:38,111
I couldn't stop dreaming
up ways to kill myself.

784
00:57:38,111 --> 00:57:40,528
- And if you don't take them?

785
00:57:41,567 --> 00:57:44,771
- Then down the rabbit hole I go.

786
00:57:52,260 --> 00:57:56,015
Alright, I think I'm gonna
go do my meditation thing,

787
00:57:56,015 --> 00:57:58,255
it helps calm the nerves.

788
00:57:58,255 --> 00:58:00,678
- Hey, I don't want to mess
with your mojo or whatever,

789
00:58:00,678 --> 00:58:04,542
but do you mind teaching me how you do it?

790
00:58:12,007 --> 00:58:14,502
- The goal is to remain
present without a bombardment

791
00:58:14,502 --> 00:58:17,335
of thoughts, just clear your mind.

792
00:58:18,826 --> 00:58:22,993
- No thoughts, that should
be easy for an idiot like me.

793
00:58:23,126 --> 00:58:25,981
- It's a lot harder than it seems,

794
00:58:25,981 --> 00:58:29,690
you're thinking without even realizing it.

795
00:58:29,690 --> 00:58:31,357
Just close your eyes

796
00:58:33,008 --> 00:58:34,175
and breathe in

797
00:58:36,130 --> 00:58:39,463
and feel your weight sink into the sand.

798
00:58:41,393 --> 00:58:44,593
You hear the waves in the distance?

799
00:58:44,593 --> 00:58:45,426
- Yeah.

800
00:58:46,282 --> 00:58:49,194
- Just focus on that,
just focus on that sound

801
00:58:49,194 --> 00:58:50,861
and that sound only.

802
00:58:52,300 --> 00:58:53,744
If a thought enters your mind,

803
00:58:53,744 --> 00:58:57,661
just let it float out to
sea with the next wave

804
00:58:59,300 --> 00:59:00,633
and the next one

805
00:59:03,388 --> 00:59:04,721
and the next one

806
00:59:06,607 --> 00:59:08,231
and so on.

807
00:59:22,148 --> 00:59:24,328
- My leg's asleep.

808
00:59:29,614 --> 00:59:31,197
This is impossible.

809
00:59:33,546 --> 00:59:36,214
It's impossible not to think.

810
00:59:39,981 --> 00:59:40,814
Hey.

811
00:59:42,432 --> 00:59:43,265
Hey!

812
00:59:46,531 --> 00:59:48,594
I'm gonna head down the
beach, take a look around.

813
00:59:48,594 --> 00:59:52,430
Feel free to join me when
you're done pretending.

814
01:00:23,082 --> 01:00:27,249
Jesus, fuck, you scared
the shit out of me, dude.

815
01:00:27,913 --> 01:00:30,739
You've been gone for like, 10 hours.

816
01:00:30,739 --> 01:00:33,972
The sun's going down, so we'll
have to go to town tomorrow.

817
01:00:33,972 --> 01:00:37,444
- Sorry, when I'm in, I'm in deep.

818
01:00:37,444 --> 01:00:38,508
- Gross.

819
01:00:39,841 --> 01:00:42,275
Hey, help me find some
more shit to burn, huh?

820
01:00:42,275 --> 01:00:43,649
- Sure.

821
01:00:48,812 --> 01:00:50,812
- So I've been thinking.

822
01:00:53,137 --> 01:00:54,554
And is that whole

823
01:00:56,520 --> 01:00:57,853
scientist wizard

824
01:00:59,892 --> 01:01:02,309
out of body study thing real?

825
01:01:05,217 --> 01:01:06,050
- What?

826
01:01:07,190 --> 01:01:08,023
Yeah, it's--

827
01:01:08,023 --> 01:01:08,856
- They work with a lot

828
01:01:08,856 --> 01:01:11,356
of Schizoaffective people, or?

829
01:01:13,578 --> 01:01:15,518
- Yeah, I mean, it's just--

830
01:01:15,518 --> 01:01:17,185
- Do they even know?

831
01:01:19,313 --> 01:01:23,480
- Look, I get it, and you're
right to be skeptical,

832
01:01:26,750 --> 01:01:27,583
it's.

833
01:01:28,992 --> 01:01:32,559
- I'm not judging at
all, I'm just curious.

834
01:01:39,757 --> 01:01:41,616
- It's mostly true.

835
01:01:47,022 --> 01:01:48,715
- Which parts?

836
01:01:55,123 --> 01:01:56,506
- The scientist guy's a real guy,

837
01:01:56,506 --> 01:01:59,173
but I don't know him personally.

838
01:02:01,621 --> 01:02:04,862
I follow his writings, but
I'm not part of the study,

839
01:02:04,862 --> 01:02:06,921
there is no study.

840
01:02:09,640 --> 01:02:12,140
I just thought his
teachings would be something

841
01:02:12,140 --> 01:02:14,433
to help my situation.

842
01:02:18,172 --> 01:02:20,537
- Are you in school, is that even true?

843
01:02:20,537 --> 01:02:22,680
- Yeah, part time.

844
01:02:27,358 --> 01:02:29,358
Look, what would you do?

845
01:02:32,566 --> 01:02:35,483
I'm losing time, and I'm losing it.

846
01:02:37,198 --> 01:02:40,070
- I just don't want to
see a friend get hurt

847
01:02:40,070 --> 01:02:44,237
studying the writings of
some bullshit, new age guru.

848
01:02:45,936 --> 01:02:46,971
- Too late.

849
01:02:54,519 --> 01:02:57,080
And I don't think meditation
is the leading cause

850
01:02:57,080 --> 01:02:58,580
of death anywhere.

851
01:02:59,668 --> 01:03:01,448
- It's not the meditation
I'm worried about,

852
01:03:01,448 --> 01:03:05,031
it's what you're not doing medically.

853
01:03:08,476 --> 01:03:10,926
What is it you're trying
to achieve, anyway?

854
01:03:10,926 --> 01:03:13,093
- Just a little more time.

855
01:03:15,069 --> 01:03:18,510
Just more time, as a clear-headed person

856
01:03:18,510 --> 01:03:21,476
that's not a burden on anyone.

857
01:07:11,644 --> 01:07:12,477
Hi.

858
01:07:53,832 --> 01:07:55,165
- What the fuck?

859
01:08:01,117 --> 01:08:01,950
Fuck.

860
01:08:07,752 --> 01:08:08,585
Fuck.

861
01:10:21,669 --> 01:10:23,363
- You alright?

862
01:10:23,363 --> 01:10:24,485
- Yep.

863
01:10:24,485 --> 01:10:25,900
Where'd you go off to?

864
01:10:25,900 --> 01:10:29,162
- Oh, I'd, uh, I thought
I'd go try meditating

865
01:10:29,162 --> 01:10:31,745
on top of that hill over there.

866
01:10:32,648 --> 01:10:35,098
- See anything interesting?

867
01:10:35,098 --> 01:10:36,598
- Only in my mind.

868
01:10:40,458 --> 01:10:41,793
What's up?

869
01:10:41,793 --> 01:10:42,784
- I'm gonna head into town

870
01:10:42,784 --> 01:10:45,784
and pick up some beverages and shit.

871
01:10:46,644 --> 01:10:47,535
- Okay.

872
01:10:47,535 --> 01:10:49,202
- You coming?

873
01:10:50,126 --> 01:10:51,293
- Sure.

874
01:11:11,619 --> 01:11:12,452
- What?

875
01:11:19,662 --> 01:11:21,569
What are you talking about?

876
01:11:21,569 --> 01:11:22,402
How?

877
01:11:55,398 --> 01:11:56,231
Poker?

878
01:11:59,381 --> 01:12:01,580
- No, I suck at it.

879
01:12:04,087 --> 01:12:05,670
- Who gives a shit?

880
01:12:10,907 --> 01:12:12,349
- I'm good.

881
01:12:12,349 --> 01:12:13,766
- Come on, bitch.

882
01:12:22,696 --> 01:12:24,279
Yeah, there you go.

883
01:12:26,601 --> 01:12:28,744
- You should eat something.

884
01:12:28,744 --> 01:12:32,911
- Not hungry, I haven't
been hungry all fucking day.

885
01:12:36,225 --> 01:12:38,532
So why can't you drink?

886
01:12:38,532 --> 01:12:41,365
What's it do to your busted brain?

887
01:12:42,258 --> 01:12:43,675
- I get confused.

888
01:12:49,082 --> 01:12:52,082
- That little sip make you confused?

889
01:12:53,745 --> 01:12:55,412
- Not right now, no.

890
01:12:57,441 --> 01:12:59,858
- Come on, man, get confused.

891
01:13:01,124 --> 01:13:02,957
Don't be such a pussy.

892
01:13:04,035 --> 01:13:06,290
- So what are the stakes?

893
01:13:10,169 --> 01:13:12,995
- Oh, fucking, perfect.

894
01:13:12,995 --> 01:13:14,608
- What?

895
01:13:18,849 --> 01:13:20,849
- You're a fucking liar.

896
01:13:26,567 --> 01:13:27,817
I gotta go pee.

897
01:14:51,675 --> 01:14:53,278
- Whoa.

898
01:14:57,026 --> 01:14:58,934
Get up, get up,

899
01:14:58,934 --> 01:15:00,903
you piece of shit.

900
01:15:05,473 --> 01:15:07,306
Woo, it's a good idea,

901
01:15:08,483 --> 01:15:09,316
ah.

902
01:15:12,274 --> 01:15:13,107
Fuck.

903
01:18:05,462 --> 01:18:06,295
Fuck.

904
01:19:56,553 --> 01:20:00,720
My friend is missing, we've
been camping on the beach,

905
01:20:02,072 --> 01:20:02,905
and, uh,

906
01:20:04,248 --> 01:20:06,231
I woke up this morning,

907
01:20:06,231 --> 01:20:10,398
he was just gone, I'm afraid
he might have drowned.

908
01:20:13,305 --> 01:20:14,138
Yeah.

909
01:20:15,616 --> 01:20:16,866
Yes, thank you.

910
01:20:19,366 --> 01:20:20,199
Thank you.

911
01:20:41,689 --> 01:20:44,862
- So when was the last
time you saw your friend?

912
01:20:44,862 --> 01:20:49,029
- Last night, he was there
when I went to sleep.

913
01:20:49,173 --> 01:20:51,246
- Did he make or
receive any phone calls

914
01:20:51,246 --> 01:20:53,587
or text messages before he disappeared

915
01:20:53,587 --> 01:20:55,337
that you're aware of?

916
01:20:56,471 --> 01:20:58,388
- I don't think so, no.

917
01:20:59,620 --> 01:21:01,787
- Can I ask what happened?

918
01:21:02,739 --> 01:21:06,906
- Yeah, night before last
I slipped down this cliff,

919
01:21:07,644 --> 01:21:11,811
and Ivan stopped my fall by
stomping on this hand hard.

920
01:21:14,628 --> 01:21:16,713
Lucky to be alive, really.

921
01:21:16,713 --> 01:21:19,318
- I would say so, you fellas
sure got the rough end

922
01:21:19,318 --> 01:21:21,651
of it out there, didn't you?

923
01:21:22,637 --> 01:21:23,631
Was there any indication

924
01:21:23,631 --> 01:21:26,176
that he would want to leave the camp?

925
01:21:26,176 --> 01:21:28,671
Did you have any arguments with Ivan,

926
01:21:28,671 --> 01:21:30,852
any disagreements that caused him

927
01:21:30,852 --> 01:21:33,185
to run off or head for home?

928
01:21:34,943 --> 01:21:38,430
- I mean, we had a little disagreement,

929
01:21:38,430 --> 01:21:40,793
I thought he was drinking
a little too much,

930
01:21:40,793 --> 01:21:44,683
but he eventually cooled
off and we made our peace,

931
01:21:44,683 --> 01:21:47,942
he thanked me, I thought it was okay,

932
01:21:47,942 --> 01:21:50,223
can't imagine that would
make him want to run off.

933
01:21:50,223 --> 01:21:53,680
- How about you, did you
have a lot to drink as well?

934
01:21:53,680 --> 01:21:56,159
- A little later in the evening.

935
01:21:56,159 --> 01:21:57,489
- On the beach?

936
01:21:57,489 --> 01:21:59,684
- Yeah, on the beach.

937
01:21:59,684 --> 01:22:01,492
- You know it's illegal to
have alcoholic beverages

938
01:22:01,492 --> 01:22:03,325
on protected property?

939
01:22:07,148 --> 01:22:08,811
Okay.

940
01:22:08,811 --> 01:22:11,365
So, bigger fish to fry,

941
01:22:11,365 --> 01:22:15,167
what else can you tell
me about Ivan Marshall?

942
01:22:15,167 --> 01:22:17,588
- A couple days ago I found out he has

943
01:22:17,588 --> 01:22:19,671
Schizoaffective disorder.

944
01:22:22,898 --> 01:22:25,261
I don't think that would,

945
01:22:25,261 --> 01:22:29,428
has anything to do with him
disappearing, but, you know.

946
01:22:29,813 --> 01:22:31,773
- And you found this out after you decided

947
01:22:31,773 --> 01:22:35,764
to travel 2,000 miles
away from home with him?

948
01:22:35,764 --> 01:22:37,138
- We were college roommates,

949
01:22:37,138 --> 01:22:40,138
we knew each other better back then.

950
01:22:41,458 --> 01:22:45,625
He had what I would
describe as like, a flare up

951
01:22:46,007 --> 01:22:48,837
or an outburst or something,
I woke up one morning

952
01:22:48,837 --> 01:22:51,920
and he was having a paranoid episode.

953
01:22:54,831 --> 01:22:57,515
He sort of snapped out of it

954
01:22:57,515 --> 01:23:00,261
and that's when I got the story.

955
01:23:00,261 --> 01:23:04,428
- Look, John, this doesn't
sound good, to be blunt.

956
01:23:05,469 --> 01:23:06,824
There's a lot of rough terrain out there,

957
01:23:06,824 --> 01:23:08,437
and a lot of things can happen,

958
01:23:08,437 --> 01:23:11,416
and they do happen, as you know.

959
01:23:11,416 --> 01:23:14,677
Now, would it be too much
trouble for you to stick

960
01:23:14,677 --> 01:23:18,844
around town for a few days
while we conduct a search?

961
01:23:18,935 --> 01:23:20,018
- Not at all.

962
01:23:21,004 --> 01:23:22,740
- Do you have any contact information

963
01:23:22,740 --> 01:23:25,909
for his next of kin, or who that would be?

964
01:23:25,909 --> 01:23:29,726
- He lived with his mom,
I don't have her info,

965
01:23:29,726 --> 01:23:32,059
but her name's Anna Marshall.

966
01:23:33,004 --> 01:23:33,837
- Okay.

967
01:23:35,343 --> 01:23:37,446
I'll make some calls and I'll get in touch

968
01:23:37,446 --> 01:23:40,946
with her and let her know what's going on.

969
01:25:20,571 --> 01:25:21,404
- Yes.

970
01:25:33,119 --> 01:25:34,493
- John?

971
01:25:34,493 --> 01:25:35,326
- Hi.

972
01:25:52,554 --> 01:25:54,346
This is John.

973
01:25:54,346 --> 01:25:57,568
- Yeah, John, this
is detective Martinez.

974
01:25:57,568 --> 01:26:00,747
- Yes, yeah, good to hear from you.

975
01:26:00,747 --> 01:26:01,580
- Do you mind heading down

976
01:26:01,580 --> 01:26:03,997
to the station in 30 minutes?

977
01:26:06,458 --> 01:26:09,352
- Yeah, absolutely,
everything okay?

978
01:26:09,352 --> 01:26:12,128
- I'd rather chat
in person if you don't mind,

979
01:26:12,128 --> 01:26:15,865
just head to the station,
we'll get it all sorted out.

980
01:26:15,865 --> 01:26:16,698
- Okay.

981
01:26:16,698 --> 01:26:18,143
- See you soon.

982
01:26:18,143 --> 01:26:20,173
- Thank you.

983
01:26:27,215 --> 01:26:28,966
- Unfortunately, I'm sorry to say

984
01:26:28,966 --> 01:26:32,773
that we haven't found any trace of Ivan.

985
01:26:32,773 --> 01:26:35,574
We did find a corpse up in the hills

986
01:26:35,574 --> 01:26:38,062
about a quarter mile from your campsite,

987
01:26:38,062 --> 01:26:39,800
but the level of decomposition suggests

988
01:26:39,800 --> 01:26:42,487
that it couldn't possibly be our guy,

989
01:26:42,487 --> 01:26:45,553
he was up there for at
least a year, maybe more.

990
01:26:45,553 --> 01:26:47,905
Apparent suicide, you
just never know sometimes

991
01:26:47,905 --> 01:26:49,612
what you'll find up there.

992
01:26:49,612 --> 01:26:51,379
- That's insane.

993
01:26:51,379 --> 01:26:52,491
- And other than some litter that we found

994
01:26:52,491 --> 01:26:55,414
around the campsite,
there were really no clues

995
01:26:55,414 --> 01:26:58,314
that were helping us out.

996
01:26:58,314 --> 01:26:59,614
I'd say the next thing for you to do is

997
01:26:59,614 --> 01:27:03,781
to head back home, I know you
have a life to get back to,

998
01:27:04,851 --> 01:27:06,417
but we'll continue our search here,

999
01:27:06,417 --> 01:27:10,505
and I will personally keep you up to date.

1000
01:27:10,505 --> 01:27:13,782
I'm really sorry, John, and at
the risk of sounding cliche,

1001
01:27:13,782 --> 01:27:16,093
I want to let you know that
we really are doing everything

1002
01:27:16,093 --> 01:27:18,426
that we can at our disposal.

1003
01:27:19,285 --> 01:27:21,507
- I appreciate it, thanks.

1004
01:27:21,507 --> 01:27:23,497
- You have my number, please call me

1005
01:27:23,497 --> 01:27:26,174
if you remember anything, I mean it.

1006
01:27:26,174 --> 01:27:27,629
- You got it.

1007
01:27:27,629 --> 01:27:30,129
- Have a safe trip, my friend.

1008
01:27:53,014 --> 01:27:54,514
- I'm home.

1009
01:27:55,495 --> 01:27:56,328
- You are.

1010
01:27:59,070 --> 01:28:03,237
- Em, I'm so sorry for
every goddamned, dumb thing--

1011
01:28:03,733 --> 01:28:05,650
- I know, I know, John.

1012
01:28:07,524 --> 01:28:08,357
It's okay,

1013
01:28:10,396 --> 01:28:12,487
you're home now.

1014
01:28:16,379 --> 01:28:17,212
It's okay.

1015
01:28:34,817 --> 01:28:36,484
- I love you.

1016
01:28:41,408 --> 01:28:42,241
So

1017
01:28:44,112 --> 01:28:44,945
fucking

1018
01:28:45,916 --> 01:28:46,749
much.

1019
01:28:53,713 --> 01:28:55,213
- I love you, too.

1020
01:29:25,567 --> 01:29:28,594
- Hey, whoa, John, wake up.

1021
01:29:29,427 --> 01:29:30,260
Hey, John.

1022
01:29:31,395 --> 01:29:32,729
You're dreaming.

1023
01:29:33,569 --> 01:29:35,224
- What, Em?

1024
01:29:35,224 --> 01:29:36,385
- Yeah.

1025
01:29:36,385 --> 01:29:37,218
- Emily.

1026
01:29:37,218 --> 01:29:38,051
- It's okay.

1027
01:29:38,051 --> 01:29:42,218
- What, I can't,
I don't want to go back.

1028
01:29:42,591 --> 01:29:45,895
- No, it's okay, you're just dreaming.

1029
01:29:54,881 --> 01:29:55,714
John?

1030
01:29:58,396 --> 01:29:59,229
John?

1031
01:30:03,367 --> 01:30:04,200
Jesus.

1032
01:30:17,465 --> 01:30:19,965
- Ivan is his own man, I mean,

1033
01:30:20,896 --> 01:30:24,506
sometimes he would disappear for weeks,

1034
01:30:24,506 --> 01:30:26,130
weeks, and I wouldn't know where he was.

1035
01:30:26,130 --> 01:30:28,130
I didn't know if he was dead,

1036
01:30:28,130 --> 01:30:30,713
or off in some alley somewhere.

1037
01:30:32,471 --> 01:30:34,532
He just wanted to live,

1038
01:30:34,532 --> 01:30:36,938
and I always tried to protect him,

1039
01:30:36,938 --> 01:30:41,105
but I know how important it
was for him to see things

1040
01:30:41,360 --> 01:30:45,527
and experience things,
and he just never wanted

1041
01:30:45,830 --> 01:30:49,997
to slow down until the
disease finally made him stop.

1042
01:31:46,765 --> 01:31:48,682
- Hey, giving it a try?

1043
01:31:50,747 --> 01:31:54,399
- Yeah, um, can
we talk for a second?

1044
01:31:54,399 --> 01:31:55,941
Can we sit?

1045
01:31:55,941 --> 01:31:56,774
- Sure.

1046
01:31:57,856 --> 01:31:58,689
What's up?

1047
01:32:00,489 --> 01:32:01,322
- Um.

1048
01:32:03,289 --> 01:32:07,456
This is, it's going to be
really hard for me to say.

1049
01:32:12,008 --> 01:32:14,935
I can't keep it in anymore.

1050
01:32:14,935 --> 01:32:18,984
No matter what I say, or
however long it takes,

1051
01:32:18,984 --> 01:32:21,280
just let me get it all out.

1052
01:32:21,280 --> 01:32:22,113
- Okay.

1053
01:32:24,991 --> 01:32:25,824
- Okay.

1054
01:32:27,299 --> 01:32:30,380
I know you slept with Ivan.

1055
01:32:30,380 --> 01:32:32,955
I know you did it more than once,

1056
01:32:32,955 --> 01:32:37,122
and I know that you wanted
to leave me for him.

1057
01:32:43,359 --> 01:32:44,526
- He told you.

1058
01:32:45,793 --> 01:32:47,460
- He didn't have to.

1059
01:32:50,105 --> 01:32:50,938
Look.

1060
01:32:52,576 --> 01:32:54,076
I need you to know

1061
01:32:55,734 --> 01:32:58,401
that I understand why you would,

1062
01:33:00,005 --> 01:33:03,755
why you did it, and I
completely forgive you.

1063
01:33:05,885 --> 01:33:06,718
- God.

1064
01:33:08,674 --> 01:33:12,757
- It's okay, look,
if we're gonna do this,

1065
01:33:13,684 --> 01:33:16,682
we just need to put it all on the table.

1066
01:33:16,682 --> 01:33:17,515
- I can't.

1067
01:33:17,515 --> 01:33:18,682
- What?

1068
01:33:19,594 --> 01:33:20,964
- I said I can't do this.

1069
01:33:20,964 --> 01:33:23,881
- Can't do what, which part?

1070
01:33:24,751 --> 01:33:28,084
- All of it, I can't marry you, I won't.

1071
01:33:29,328 --> 01:33:33,495
- I'm saying it
doesn't matter, it's okay.

1072
01:33:33,551 --> 01:33:36,218
- No, it's not okay, I feel like

1073
01:33:39,983 --> 01:33:42,066
I know that you know, and

1074
01:33:43,903 --> 01:33:46,255
every time I look at you,
it'll be this mirror,

1075
01:33:46,255 --> 01:33:49,403
reminding me of what I
did, and then I'll think

1076
01:33:49,403 --> 01:33:51,687
of all the fucked up stuff that you did.

1077
01:33:51,687 --> 01:33:53,464
- You know I'm
sorry for all of that,

1078
01:33:53,464 --> 01:33:56,131
how badly I feel for everything.

1079
01:33:56,992 --> 01:33:58,280
Please.

1080
01:33:58,280 --> 01:34:00,030
- It's not just that.

1081
01:34:02,734 --> 01:34:06,901
I haven't been happy for a long time now,

1082
01:34:06,904 --> 01:34:09,271
I don't, I don't want to be in a place

1083
01:34:09,271 --> 01:34:11,381
where we keep having to apologize

1084
01:34:11,381 --> 01:34:15,548
and forgive each other
over and over again.

1085
01:34:15,604 --> 01:34:16,437
- But

1086
01:34:18,568 --> 01:34:19,901
that's marriage.

1087
01:34:22,767 --> 01:34:24,517
- Not, not to me, no.

1088
01:34:25,725 --> 01:34:26,725
- Goddammit.

1089
01:34:28,424 --> 01:34:29,924
Oh, what the fuck?

1090
01:34:31,661 --> 01:34:34,349
What did you do, why the
hell did you do, please?

1091
01:34:34,349 --> 01:34:35,182
Please.

1092
01:34:39,168 --> 01:34:41,271
- I should have ended this a lot sooner.

1093
01:34:41,271 --> 01:34:42,104
- No.

1094
01:34:42,104 --> 01:34:45,895
- I was an idiot for dragging it out.

1095
01:34:45,895 --> 01:34:46,728
- No.

1096
01:34:46,728 --> 01:34:48,430
- It's over.

1097
01:34:49,268 --> 01:34:51,404
I just need to be by myself.

1098
01:34:51,404 --> 01:34:52,237
- Mm-mm.

1099
01:34:53,594 --> 01:34:55,608
Please don't do this, please don't,

1100
01:34:55,608 --> 01:34:59,608
please don't do this,
look, you're not an idiot.

1101
01:35:00,609 --> 01:35:01,859
- You're right.

1102
01:35:02,975 --> 01:35:07,142
I'm weak, and that's why I
couldn't end this sooner.

1103
01:35:14,845 --> 01:35:16,137
- Oh, fucking fuck.

1104
01:35:16,137 --> 01:35:16,970
- Hey.

1105
01:35:16,970 --> 01:35:18,720
- No, fuck you, fuck.

1106
01:35:20,568 --> 01:35:21,641
Em.

1107
01:35:24,397 --> 01:35:25,784
- No.

1108
01:35:25,784 --> 01:35:26,929
- Em.

1109
01:35:33,475 --> 01:35:34,975
I'm sorry, please.

1110
01:35:48,740 --> 01:35:49,573
- John.

1111
01:35:52,029 --> 01:35:55,430
- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you.

1112
01:36:03,846 --> 01:36:06,596
- Take whatever you need,

1113
01:36:07,821 --> 01:36:09,756
whatever is yours.

1114
01:38:10,158 --> 01:38:14,325
- You are a creator that uses
and manipulates the evolution

1115
01:38:14,582 --> 01:38:18,490
of consciousness, and you are the result

1116
01:38:18,490 --> 01:38:21,458
of that same process,
at both the non-physical

1117
01:38:21,458 --> 01:38:23,458
and the physical levels.

1118
01:38:24,579 --> 01:38:28,402
What is it they say, with
great power comes great sex?

1119
01:38:29,787 --> 01:38:30,851
Money?

1120
01:38:32,473 --> 01:38:33,306
Whatever.

1121
01:38:34,883 --> 01:38:36,704
So what does all of this mean?

1122
01:38:36,704 --> 01:38:39,200
It means that you are the one in control,

1123
01:38:39,200 --> 01:38:42,303
you ultimately choose the
path that's right for you,

1124
01:38:42,303 --> 01:38:44,886
and all of this will take time,

1125
01:38:45,965 --> 01:38:48,328
but your skillset will improve,

1126
01:38:48,328 --> 01:38:51,645
if that's the path you choose.