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Slept like a log last night. Woke up in the fireplace,
You're American when you go into the bathroom and you're American when you come out but do you know what you are while you're in there? European,
Want to hear a joke about a piece of paper? Never mind... it's tearable,
If you see a robbery at an Apple Store does that make you an iWitness,
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says Sorry we don’t serve food here,
What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1,
Why did the Clydesdale give the pony a glass of water? 
Because he was a little horse,
CASHIER: Would you like the milk in a bag sir? DAD: No just leave it in the carton!,
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans,
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was a salted.,
A three-legged dog walks into a bar and says to the bartender I’m looking for the man who shot my paw.,
What can strike a blonde without her even knowing it? A thought.,
Three blondes walk into a building. You’d think one of them would’ve seen it.,
Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her thigh? She wanted a lot of male in her box.,
I got a compliment on my driving today said a blonde to her friend. There was a note left on my windshield. it said parking fine.,
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