A Warm Hand To Hold

Aeldra flits in, evidently looking for someone till she sets eyes upon you, "Ah there you are. I was
going to find you on Astral, but apparently you already came back down here." she states as she
flies over to you.

The four red swathes that form Avaris's antennae twitch and undulate in ceaseless,
peculiar motion as he sits awkwardly upon the too-small chair. "My apologies, Aeldra. The node had
dropped to motes, and I thought to sit here for a time. Are you well?"

Aeldra acknowledges you explanation, answering "I suppose I don't really think I would've felt much
desire to fight to begin with." she muses, "But for you I would've anyway." She moves a hand over
her eyes, sinking a little towards the ground "And I can not honestly say that I am, Avaris."

With a slight shake of his helm-like head, Avaris demurring, "I would not ask you
to, were you not willing, Aeldra. You fight enough as it is." Leaning towards Aeldra, his antennae
curve forward and down, his brilliant blue eyes dimming as he looks upon Aeldra with concern. "What
is the matter? May I help in some way?"

Aeldra perches on back of one of the nearby chairs, facing you as she says, "I don't think anyone
can really help me, Avaris. Since I let that thought enter my heart, I've started to remember how
much I pushed back my feelings about the City and its disregard for itself. And how much I actually
do not feel at home here anymore." she sighs, looking tired and frustrated. Her cheeks show signs of
dried tears that have been spilled a good while ago.

You think to yourself: A weary, bitter anger - Faded and bleached, but there. "Oh, my dear friend.
This city has fallen far indeed, if it has brought such pain to cause a stalwart heart like yours as
to sting forth tears."

Avaris does not reply immediately, instead regarding Aeldra in silence for a time,
his smaller antennae drooping aside. When he does speak, the layers of his voice are formed from
sorrow, worry, and tiredness. "I am sorry for that, my friend. New Celest has much to answer for, in
this." He lapses into silence for a time, folding his hands atop his lap. "What will you do?"

You think to yourself: "Would that my hands were soft enough to comfort you, dear Aeldra. You
deserve better than this."

Aeldra extends her hands to either side, her small form hunched slightly as she shrugs, "If I knew
that, my friend, I would be much wiser. I've spent several weeks now brooding over this and I am
still non the wiser. Instead I find myself randomly crying in corners of my home, alone." she sighs,
an effort is made for her to straighten herself but even her butterfly wings seem to be sloped over
a little. "I am not saying that I give up, that I never will. But the path before me is muddled.
Much of it depends on... on what She would say, but asking the very question I would ned to would
mean risking Her wrath, or worse, Her disappointment."

You think to yourself: "I think in this, Aeldra, you misjudge Her. But we are ever quick to assume
Her ire, or Her disaffection, are we not? Forgive us, my Lady, for the terror we feel at being cast
from Your benevolent regard."

The immense kephera listens with an air of obvious concern, the sentiment plain
despite the immobile, expressionless visor of his face. Avaris breathes a heavy sigh, lowering his
head to gaze at the fingers of his hands, which intertwine into a spiked palisade of muted gold. "It
saddens me to know that you are so tormented, Aeldra. I wish that you had someone to hold you, at
least, when you are brought to tears. For all you have done for the Light, for good, you deserve
that much, at the very least." The fingers flex, squeezing one another slowly, before relaxing. "I
know that I am very far from being as close to Her as you are, my friend, but...Forgive me. I do not
think you are right in believing that asking such of Her would risk anything of the sort. I think
that She would, above all things, be concerned with your happiness. It would distress Her greatly, I
feel, to know that you have been suffering so, especially at the thought of Her reaction to your
upset."

Her expression showing her unhappiness clearly Aeldra she replies to you, "Do I need to remind you
of Her tenets and of the vows we swore entering the order, my dear friend? I would basically ask Her
to exclude me from these vows, would I not?" Fresh tears glistering in her eyes, she adds "I swore
allegiance to this place, this city and to be loyal to it. Leaving would be breaking my word and..."
she trails off, looking briefly through the room before returning to look at you.
12300h, 6300m, 7300e, 10p Bexb-
Yvai, the battle sheep trots over to Aeldra and gives her a gentle nudge with her antlered head,
giving a low sounding, "BAAAA" to her.

"You do not - But fealty to Her comes foremost. New Celest has failed you, Aeldra -
It is not worthy of your loyalty, as it is." Avaris says firmly. Rising, he crosses the gap that
separates him from Aeldra in one stride, only to lower himself into a crouch before the seat the
faeling is perched upon, beside Yvai, the battle sheep. Extending a single, massive hand, he holds
it out to Aeldra hesitantly, palm-upwards, offering it to Aeldra. "You torture yourself so. It
breaks my heart to see it. She will not cast you from Her embrace simply for showing Her your hurts,
Aeldra. Please. Talk to Her. Seek Her wisdom in this. She will not begrudge you that, I promise
you."

You think to yourself: "My hand holds all the comfort of a thorned gauntlet, I know - But it is all
that I can offer you, my friend. I am sorry that I cannot do more. Ah, where is someone kinder and
gentler than I? If my Lady's attention is elsewhere, then let Gurashi or someone better versed in
this than I awaken."

Aeldra gently grasps your large hand with both of hers, looking up at the kephera through her tear
-veiled eyes "Maybe you're right my friend. But in all things, I strive to make Her proud of me and
my actions, I do not wish Her to feel as if... as if She was wrong to place Her trust sin me." she
drops her gaze back down onto her hands "It may be that the city is not worthy of my loyalty but
yet, She chose to watch over it, has She not? How can it be unworthy if our Lady chose it as Her
city, after all She sees so much more then we do."

With the exaggerated carefulness of those that know they are too large, too
indelicate for the world, Avaris places another hand atop Aeldra's, ensconcing the much smaller,
softer appendage in an adamant barrier of metallic chitin. The gentle chorus of his voice is quiet,
a harmony of soothing tones and soft hums as he says, "She knows that, Aeldra. I do not think She
would choose an Avatar, form a cult with someone, without knowing them in ways that we cannot
possibly fathom. I do not believe She would think such, not at all." The polished, azure spheres of
his alien eyes dull in hue as he watches Aeldra's face unhappily. "Our Lady is wise, and sees much -
But I do not think She believes New Celest to be infallible. Even the most beloved child can err,
can stray from the right path - And New Celest has strayed. I think that She knows this, and will
understand. She did not strike me down when I expressed my dissatisfaction. Why, then, would She,
with you?"

Giving the barest of nods Aeldra acknowledges what you says, her expression becoming a little more
relaxed. "Maybe you are right, dear. I think, maybe, being discarded like something unwanted once
has left bigger scars then I would wish to acknowledge to myself." her eyes return to look at you,
"but our Lady is not as others are. She would not discard me as easily as others have." Aeldra's
wings beat slowly on her back "I'm not even sure I can really hide from Her how I feel even if I
tried. I suspect She already knows."

Inclining his head in a slow nod of encouragement, Avaris affirms, "You are right.
She knows what it is to be spurned when in pain - She would not inflict that upon you. She is better
than that, than Others." With the tiniest exertion of pressure, his hands squeeze Aeldra's
reassuringly, before cautiously disengaging, so that only the lower hand remains, bearing the
minuscule weight of Aeldra's upon its long, unyielding surface. "She may, indeed. She may simply be
waiting for you to sort through how you feel, and be ready to go to Her. She is patient like that.
Will you pray to Her, before you rest, and tell Her of what ails you?"

Aeldra nods softly to you words, then making a simple disagreeing notion with her chin "I won't, for
She already knows I seek Her to speak to Her about things that trouble me. I am certain She will
eventually come seek me and we'll speak of things. By then, I hope, I know a path forward... or
maybe at least can coherently express what is troubling me." she straightens up fully, gently
squeezing back your hand. "Am I cursed to forever to feel adrift on the wind, Avaris? Aside of our
Lady, I feel as if I would be adrift back to Serenwilde already."

"I hope that the two of you can speak soon. Perhaps try writing? I often find that
I can articulate better upon a page, than with words." Avaris suggests, the flared ridge of his left
jawline rising as he tilts his head slightly. At the question, the wilted antennae stir upright once
more, though the larger pair remain locked in their horn-like stance. "I do not believe so. Your
path may simply be a long and winding one, to find where you truly belong. Many have roamed from
place to place, before they have found a home and a time where they are most comfortable."

Aeldra rises an eyebrow slight at you words, "Dear, I've travelled from Serenwilde to Celest and
back about... five times, all in all." she says, amusement clearly ringing in her voice. "I suppose
we'll have an answer eventually, yes." with an effort to collect herself, Aeldra eventually says "In
the end, I hope that She'll understand and be able to help me find a solution. I do not believe
Celest will change anymore, too many have tried and have failed."

Lady Aeldra Ladyn, of Cerulean Waters says, "Celest is just what it wishes to be, no matter if
divine or mortals try to rally to what should be its cause."

"A very long and winding path, then." Avaris amends calmly, a tinge of humour
lightening his tone. "I trust that She will." The absolute belief in that simple statement is as
solid and immovable as a mountain. The next words are delivered with the calm, inexorable advance of
a siege engine, replete with the implied threat despite the measured, unhurried cadence. "Celest is
just a city, Aeldra. It is stone, and earth, and water. It is the people that falter, and people can
be changed - Whether they wish to be, or not."

You think to yourself: "Many have tried, and failed, indeed - But none of them were me. New Celest
will find that I am not so easily dissuaded from this. It will be returned to a form that is
pleasing to my Lady, whether with gentle words or an iron hand."

Aeldra shakes her head slightly, "That is where we disagree my friend. I have had these problems
with Celest for as long as I am alive, that are over 200 years now. I always came back hoping the
city has changed. It never has."

Avaris merely replies with a level, "We shall see."

Aeldra smiles softly, her attitude much more as she usually is, her expression mostly clear of the
pain that troubled her a moment ago. "Oh, do not take that as dismissing your efforts, my dear
friend. You have a lot more power over people's hearts then you believe you do. For my heart, I
simply do not believe it to be possible, but then, I think I more do not believe to be Celest what I
need it to be, which doesn't mean it can't be what our teachings tell it should be."

The curved blades of Avaris's crest glint in the soft light as he shakes his head,
clarifying, "I did not - I do not think that you would do so, worry not. You are wholly justified in
being so disillusioned. I am merely determined to try what I can." A faint, glittering wash of motes
of light brightens his eyes briefly. "Perhaps I will even manage to fix it. For now, however, I
should tend to some matters, and then go to my rest. Will you be alright? I do not like to leave you
alone when you are ill at ease."

Aeldra nods softly at you, "I've weathered worse storms, dear. I will be alright, I let you see my
troubles because I trust you. I walked through burnings homes and faced down terrors that make most
run away. I'll prevail and I'll be here."

You think to yourself: "I do not doubt it, my friend - But fire still burns, and terrors leave their
mark. I would simply spare you from what pain I could."

Avaris lowers his head in a gesture of gratitude. "You do me great honour by
placing your trust in me, Aeldra. I know that you will persist." Retracting his hand gently, he
rises, offering a shallow bow. "I will speak with you next month, if you wake. Goodbye for now, my
friend."

Kneeling humbly, you press your palms together before you and close your eyes momentarily as you
pray devoutly to Lantra, the Empyreal, ""My Lady. I ask that You forgive me my incessant praying. I
do not wish to disturb You, but I am concerned for Lady Aeldra. She is hurting, my Lady, and deeply.
I will not speak of what it is that ails her, for it is not my place, but part of torments her is
the dread of disappointing You. I have tried to reassure her, to comfort her as best I can, but I am
ever poor at such. Will You let her know that You love her still, in whichever way You can? I know
Your attention is pulled taut as it is, but I believe even a small gesture from You will do much to
ease her." A pause, as if something has come to mind, and, "Ah. I will be seeking audience with Lady
Li-Varili soon. I wish to take Her measure for myself, to assess what threat She may represent.
Given the rate at which those in Her presence are struck down, I am aware there is a strong
possibility that I may die. If the Fates are kind enough to return me to You, well and good - But if
not, then know that serving You has been a greater gift than I could hope to express, however brief
my time in Your Order has been. Thank You, my Lady, for allowing me to do so."".