Thread 21: Stories 76-90

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>Twilight
“SA”
~~~~

>Are you sure you're okay with this?

“Twili, if it means you doing twience again, I'm pretty sure I'd let you turn me into a cyborg... Please don't take me up on that.”

>No! I'm not doing something like that anymore!.. But thanks.

“So, what is this thing supposed to be testing anyway?”

>I'm testing your... Ugh... Your Sparklejoule count.

“...my what!?”

>Blame your wife for that stupid name!

“My wife... had something to do...with science.”

>It... it actually gets worse than that.

“...”

>S-she... she's better at it than me.

“... No fucking way.”

>I KNNOOOOOWWWWWuhhhhhhh! I can't believe it either! It hurts so much to say! But it's true! It's truuuuuuuuuuuueeeeeeee! She knows the science of love better than me! Which is why I'm doing this! I have to get a one up on her, I just have to! And your Sparklejoule count is the only one she won't measure!

“What? Why?”

>She said 'I don't need to know how much love he has, because we love each other more than anything!

“...Awww... I'm gonna buy her flowers.”

>STOP SKEWING MY RESULTS!

“Is this a skewable thing?”

>NO IDEA!

“... are the clamps on my horn really necessary?”

>Look, your loved was sapped out via your magic from Chrysalis, which means that there should be a connecting way to measure the love from within your body via your magic.

“It's so nice to hear you sounding so Twi-ish again.”

>It's a good thing your feeling happy, because this might hurt.

“...Wait, wha-”

*BZZZZT*

“HNGNGNGNHNGNGHHNGHNGNHGN!”

>It's working! It's work-

*BOOOM*

>...

“Did... *KAFF* did it work?”

>You blew up my machine.

“...No?”

>N- Wait! Yes! I got a reading! Your Sparklejoule count before it exploded was... LUMINOUS ALABASTER!

“...Uh... what does that-”

>I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA!

“...”

>...But it sounds sciencey, so I'm counting this as a success.

“It doesn't really sound-”

>IT. IS. A. SUCCESS!

“Sooo... we done?”

>Oh ho, Shiny Shiny Shiny my brother best friend so dear... that was test one.

“...Of?”

>...Of indeed.

“That doesn't really make se-”

>NEXT ONE GO!

“I have regre-HGNHGNHGNHGNHGN!”
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Non-canon
~~~
At long last, Shining Armor was joining the league of immortals! When the light at last dissipated, he became the first male Alicorn in all history and unfurled his wings proudly.

and then fell over on his ass.

"W-what? Why do I feel so weak?" He asked the equally confused princesses around him.

"Oh, my gosh! Shiny's love was already such a powerful force, making you an alicorn WEAKENED you!" Twilight explained while waving over numerous instruments.

As consciousness slipped from Shining Armor's mind, he said: "With my last breath... I blame Celestia."
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Also non-canon.

>SA
"Twilight"
'Cadence'
~~~~

At last!

AT LAST!

WINGS!

>Awesome! So, what are my alicorn powers!?

"Well since you've got so much love, we just thought it would be easier to tie in your magic power with how much love you have. Saves on magic needed to be given to you. Try it out! We can finally see what Luminous Alabaster means!"

'...Wait, did you just say'

>Okay! Here goes!

'SHINY WAIT NO-'

And then it was gone.

It was all gone.

The castle... the city... the land... the world... the solar system... and soon, all the stars in the sky. Consumed by a power beyond all comprehension, and burned away within an instance of time.

Beyond the veil of both time and space, well beyond the comprehension of any being mortal or no, hoof met ethereal face amidst a tired, weary sigh.

{Damn it, why did I have to get so distracted sending Chitania into that cactus patch?...I'm blaming my daughter for this one.}
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~~~~

>OF ALL THE TIMES!

"I'm sorry, mama."

>You've made some mistakes in the past, but this one really takes the 'cake'!... See what I did there? Because past mistakes have involved cake. References.

"I get it, mama."

>Really, I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed.

"I know, mama."

>Really, letting the whole universe get destroyed? I thought better of you, Luna.

"Sorry mama."

>Well, maybe I'll look the other way, just this once.

"Thanks mama. Sorry I made you yell."

>Oh, you know I only do it because I love you.

"...I know, mommy."
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>2
"Student"
[SA]
{Cadence}
#Sombra#
~42~
-18-
'Chrysalis'
~~~~

>Hmmm, okay, Shiny said no roastin' marchmalleys when they're in mah hoof, but he DIDN'T say anything about my horn! I see this workin' out. This'll work.

"UGGGH! Stupid parents!"

>Awww, what's tha' matter? Ya' look like Caddy does when Not-mom does... pretty much anythin' Not-mom does, actually...

"It's my dumb folks. Every morning they drill me for questions before sending me off, it's the worst! Every single day! Can't they see I'm perfectly capable of going off myself?"

>...Sure?

"Well, I mean, you've got to know. Your house has to be even crazier!"

>...Hmmmm...

∞∞∞∞∞∞

[Two, stop trying to get out of brushing your teeth. A large part of your diet is a sugary, fluffy treat, I don't think you can afford to miss it. Speaking of, your lunch. Be a good girl at school today!]

{Ohh, don't forget your little button!}

[Yes, don't forget. Cadence somehow does not get you are already dangerous levels of adorable, and wants to kill off our citizens one by one via heart attack.]

{Hush you, it's cute!}

#I will be there to ensure you are picked up when the class reaches it's end. Please inform your teacher the vacuum cleaner will not work. It did not work yesterday, it did not work the day before, and it will not work now.#

~And also, try to explain that the scorch marks on your homework were totally justified, and an accident, and absolutely not because a certain someone was frustrated.~

{I REGRET NOTH-, I mean, yes. Say that. An accident.}

-And also, here are your permission slips for the next... years, with the exception of the more dangerous ones. Because apparently that's my job now.-

[I offered to-]

-THAT. IS. MY. JOB. NOW.-

'And *I* packed a little... something in your lunch bag. If it comes to it, you'll know when to use it.'

{STOP PACKING SHIVS IN HER LUNCH!}

'It's a madhouse out there, Caddy! You can't trust anyone on the court!'

{IT'S KINDERGARTEN, NOT PRISON!}

'I see very little difference.'

{NO!}

'Fine, I'll guess I'll teacher her how to make her own-OW!'

{BAD BUG MONSTER!}

[...Well, I mean, it's not the WORST idea-OW!]

{BAD SHINY!}

~Are you worried about the quality? Because I can show her how to make a- OW!~

{BAD PUNCHBUG!}

#Obviously, she needs to be able to work with more than a shiv, you can only go so-OW!#

{BAD SMOKE MONSTER!}

#HOW!?#

{MOM POWERS NOW SHUT UP!}

-...-

{...Say it-OW!}

-Bad pinkhorse! No violence in front of the child!-

{...DAM-MF!}

[No swearing!]

{MRPDPHMPMS!}

'HAH-OW!'

[No mocking!-OW!]

~Uh... please don't hit my queen-OW!~

#Do not attack Shining Armor!-OW!#

-DON'T HIT MY BUDDY-OW!-

'...I've got nothing-OWOWOWOWOW-'

∞∞∞∞∞∞∞∞

>...Nope, pretty normal.

"Really?"

>Yep.

"No weirdness at all."

>Nu-uh. Same thing everyday.

"...Lucky."

>Yeppers! Luckiest Changeling in the whole world!
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>Quarrelsome Guard
"Rival Changeling"
'Doctor'

>Fuck you.

"Fuck you."

>No, fuck you. I won that one!

"No, fuck YOU, I won that one!"

>You fell first!

"On top of you! I win by pinfall!"

>We weren't wrestling!

"We weren't boxing either!"

>This wouldn't happen if you'd stop being such a bitch with those headbutts.

"Hello Mr. Pot, I'm the Kettle you've been calling black. Racist."

>Wait, if we're the same color how is it ra-nevermind! Point is, I can kick your ass all over this castle!

"On yeah!?"

>Yeah!

"OH YEAH!?"

>YEAH!

>"REMA-"

'NO!'

The two angry warriors look at the sour faced doctor who is glaring at them.

'Nobody is rematching anybody!'

>...

"..."

>"Why not!?"

'Because I'm sick of giving you two urgent care every other day, because I'm half tempted to take you off life support, and because YOU'RE BOTH IN FULL BODY CASTS YOU IDIOTS!'

The Guard and Changeling look themselves over and grimace.

>Oh...right...

"Yeah, a duel on the battlements...in retrospect, not entirely a great idea."

>It would've been great if 10 hadn't already done a sports story for her paper though, the lighting was immaculate.

"Oh yeah no, it was fantastic."

The doctor grumbles and walks off.

>Man, what a dick.

"Yeah, overreaction much?"
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>Chrysalis
"Applejack"
'77'
[Cheerilee]
{Dash}
~~~~

>Oh heyyyyy... you?

{You can't be serious.}

>No no, I'm not. Totally joking with you here. Glad you arrived, right. Just friendly ribbing.

{Say my name.}

>...Well, why would I need to do that? I don't have to prove myself to anyone.

{Go ahead, say my name.}

>You know what? Just to spite you, I'm not going to. Yep. Going to pretend I have no idea who you are. Gonna call you Sparky, that's your new derogatory nickname now. Hey, Sparky! How are you!

{...Applejack, I brought those forms you wanted. Here's the current roster of all of the wonderbolts.}

"Thanks."

'...That is a mighty small number for an airforce.'

"Yeah, well, that's what happens when yer' army are made to think they're more celebrity than soldier. They lived the fast life that was all about makin' connections and gettin' the VIP treatment, what did ya'll think was gonna happen? They were more actors than fliers."

[Still...]

{Didn't help that someone... who I sadly cannot prove... was pushing them the whole time. Reeeeally should have seen the signs during the Equestrian Games preliminaries. They were big... and glowing.}

>Well, glad you stopped by, Sparky, anything else?

{...It's Rainbow Dash.}

>Who?

{...Applejack, hold me back.}

"No. Aim fer' the eyes."

{...Can do. GRAH!}

~~~~~~

>I don't know how you saw that going in your head, but that was a poor choice.

{MRPHPMPHMPPSN!}

"Chrysalis, get offa her."

[Yes, your um... bottom... is suffocating her, I think.]

>No. This one is for Spitfire! Taste the bug booty of justice!

{...MGOKOPDIFPOSDFPOMPMSMDAM!}

"Ah' concur."
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>Cadence
"Twilight"
-----------

>... So you see, it's really not that complex!

"Did ... did you just draw ... three red lines ... with two different shades of green?"

>Close, it's mauve parallel lines colored pi through six.

"Ngh ... forgetting that for a second, all these parallel lines are linearly dependent, right?"

>Yes, all these magenta five span the snuggle-type subspace, except for these green parallel lines that are perpendicular at yellow. Simple!

"... Could you help me roll the whiteboard over to the crying corner?"
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Non-canon

~~~
Cadence looked over various charts on the scientific metrics of love, explaining finer details to her sister-in-law. But one piece of data made the Love Princess' brow knit and furrow and her lips drew silent.

For brief moments, the only noise in the room was Twilight's depressed groans and the banging of her head on a nearby wall, and that too yielded to a gentle 'hmmm' from Cadence's throat.

"Cadence, what's wrong?" The young asked, her, her words slurred and mind weary.

"It's about Spike." Cadence began, noticing of Twilight's frustrations, nor her piqued interest. "According to this, data would suggest at one time, Spike had a capacity for love I am certain only Shining Armor ever surpassed. But, it's degenerated a lot in an alarmingly short amount of time for how long he's been alive. Do you know what happened?"

The pink one was still too entranced by the rapidly declining numbers to look back at Twilight who asked in a choked voice: "What causes a heart to be bled of love?"

"Abandonment and betrayal." Cadence responded, her words becoming ice-water in Twilight's veins. "The most common cause is for him to feel he has been abandoned and betrayed many times." Finally, Cadence put away the sheets and tried to laugh it off. "But that's silly, you, Auntie, your friends, your parents, and Shiny. Spike's whole life has been nothing but him being surrounded by as much love as Two gets. I hate to say it but maybe dragons just lose their capacity for love-" Her words died in her throat, and she now saw Twilight's head hanging low.

After a moment of silence, Cadence put a wing around Twilight's form and tried to comfort her.
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>Mane-Iac
"???"
~~~~

>LUMINOUS SHIEEEEELD, MY ONCE GREAT FOE- Shoot!... what was his real name... Shimmering Shield?.... Yeah, that sounds right. Shimmy? Are you here? I need you to sign this so ponies don't think I'm a vagrant living in your house... whatever that means... Shimmy?

With a click, the light to the office turned on, revealing... nothing!

>Oh, shoot. His must be FOILING THE DARK FORCES OF EEE- Stop that!...Hm? What's this then... Ohhh! Power Ponies! The comic WHO'S WRETCHED GRASP I ESCAPED FROM NOT LONG AGO- Dang. Did it again.... well, maybe it'll be nice to take a peak as to what's been happening-

"shhhhhiiiinnnnn"

>...What is that sound?

"nnnnnNNNNNNNYYYYY PUNCH!"

A white blur crashed into her, and soon her entire world was a blur of rubble and flickering walls.

>...Shimmering Shield! How are you?

"Oh, you know, good. Felt like hugging today, you know?"

>Oh yes, the little one makes the prospect quite infectious. But..

"Oh! I just wanted to try something new. So I hugged with a tackle that was vaguely punch-like. In retrospect, I broke a lot of stuff, didn't I?"

>Several walls, yes.

"Guess that's why you never see anyone doing vaguely-punch-like-hugs, isn't it? Makes total sense to me now."

>That logic connects, yes.

"...So, how're you? You doing good?"

>Good. Very good.

"Great!"

>...So was the fireball part of the hug?

"Hm? Oh no, I... panicked... when we went flying and tried to stop us... with a fireball. What a shame, I only hit that comic book. Well, no big loss, Cadence KNEW WE WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO HAVE THAT... so here we are. Did you need anything?"

>Could you sign this so ponies don't think I'm a vagrant, whatever that means?

"Sure, Maney! Wish you had reminded me sooner, would hate for ponies to think you weren't welcome."

>Thank you, Shimmering Shield!

"Shining Armor, actually, but it's okay, I know the name thing is a problem for you."

>...Soooo...

"..."

>...Can... can you get off now?

"...Sure."
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>Spike
"Blueblood"
'Rarity'
[Rekulk]
~~~

>...It's kind of fascinating, isn't it?

"Oh dear, he's finally slipped. Look the other way, Spike. Look the other way, and think about the rabbits-"

*SMACK!*

"I have surprisingly little regrets."

>I'm just saying, well, look at this. Okay, you see those bugs down there?

'Yes, Darling, we see the eighteen legged bugs with giant poisonous fangs. We see them and like to pretend they don't exist.'

>So, here's what happens. Those bugs lay nests, but in order to prevent their eggs from getting eaten they coat the eggs in poison. But this makes them non-poisonous, so they get eaten by these winged insects with the weird claws on their tails. They know they're putting themselves at risk, and they know they're probably going to die, but they still have their kids anyway. They're willing to risk their lives just for the chance to pass on their genes... it's kind of touching when you think about it.

[And they are tasty too.]

>...damn it, Rekulk.

[What? Have you not tried one? They are so crunchy and juicey! And do not make my stomach hurt either!]

'That... unpleasantness aside, I see your point Darling. There is quite a lot beneath the surface, is there not?'

>Yeah... I kind of wish Twilight had come down now. Just, imagining her documenting all of these things, mind exploding as she tries to find the patterns and behaviors... it would be great.

"What about that one that likes the animals? Shy something?"

'...Oh good lord I just imagined Fluttershy down here.'

>...Is... is that a good imagine or bad?

'I don't know...'

>..."Now you play nice mister Giant evil spider!"

'Now don't you bite, mister fanged worm!'

>"Nature is so fascinating! Don't you agree, mister Skinless sloth? Oh, you don't, because that giant centipede is using you as a giant meat puppet to attract prey. How cute!"

'...Sooo-'

>We'll remind her to bring Discord, yes.
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>Twilight
~Changelings~
-------------
>Okay, so these lines represent Person_A's emotions, and these lines represent Person_B's.
>A Lighter colour means there is more love, while a darker colour means there is less!
>But since "love" is far too complex to be quantified into a single number there are multiple secondary, tertiary and likely even more factors that go into a sparklejoule rating.
>That might explain why she uses colour for the scale instead of basic arithmetic, 1 and 1 can only become 2, while Red and Blue can form an almost unquantifiable number of different shades depending on how they are mixed.
>I-i think i'm getting it!
>Which scares me slightly since i must be starting to think like cadence, but as long as i dont develop an unhealthy fascination with the colour pink it should be fine.
>....And looking back through my notes, everything i've written down for the past half hour is bright pink and i even put little hearts on all the I's.
>....

~So who wants to go tell scienceprincess that we're not supposed to burn things in the crying corner?~
~Not it!~
~Not it!~
~Not it!~
~Not it!~
~N - Oh hell no, she took 29 after he hit on her that one time and we never saw him again!~
~Good point, the queen would be pretty mad if one of us broke the "no one dying" streak we're on right now.~
~Oh great job jinxing it dumbass~
~Your concern for my life is touching~
~You ate my lunch once, thats unforgivable.~
~Oh come on, it was just that one time!~
~UNFORGIVABLE!~
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>Shining Armor
"Twilight"
~~~
>Twily? Are you in here? Look, everyone's for you, and the last few times they saw you, they were worried! ... Twilight, I'm coming in!

Shining Armor opens Twilight's lab to find...

Everything is decorated in bright pink, there's hearts everywhere, posters of 'dreamy boys', lists of 'pretty dresses' to commission from Rarity, and on the main computer monitor, the words 'feeling fine' typed out

>... Bullshit.

"Shiny!"

>AHHH!

There was Twilight, dressed in pretty, pink dress, her hair styled, hooves hooficured, and eyes sparkling, and a thousand other out-of-character things

"Like, oh mah gawd! I'm so glad but, like, so embarrassed you're here! I kind of wish Spike was here, because, no offense, it's just not as wrong to ask your gay friend if you look fat in this dress."

>Twily?

"I know! Right? But this dress makes my wings look sooooo pretty. I'm thinking of going out to find Flash, get some chocolates, and maybe go on a date as an apology for turning him into a cybernetic freak. Actually, he's kind dreamy with all that metal. Maybe we could even get married and have b-"

We were spared of Airhead!Twilight's daydream as Shinying Armor knocked her out with a frying pan

>We're going to need to find some raw essence of science up in this shit.
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>Spike
"Rarity"
'Blueblood'
~Rekulk~
-Tickles-
~~~
During a restful moment while making camp

>What'cha workin' on, Rarity?

"Oh! This is just my on little novel series I've been writing in my spare time."

>Cool, I've finished documenting for today, mind if I take a look?

"Well... Alright."

'I'm going to hate myself for this, but I'd like a look too. Not much else for entertainment.'

~I am hooked on ponics! I can read and review!~

"Well, it just so happens I have copies!"

roughly two hours later

"Spike, finished already, what did you think?"

>Do you want me to be honest or polite?

"... oh."

'I hate to admit it, but I'm finding this quite enthralling.'

~Rekulk wonder what Thorn sees in filthy bitch Crackerjack? Charity is best princess!~

Spike sets the novel draft down and walks away. Rarity tosses it in frustration

Another few hours later, when Rekulk is on watch...

-Man... This is getting hot...-
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>18
"Cadence"
~~~~

>CADENCE!

"...Well, that's a trip. Normally I'm yelling at you."

>What the hell is this!? You want a fifty thousand bit grant for "Sparklejoule research"!? Did you think I was stupid!? Can't you at LEAST come up with a fake scientific term that doesn't sound like a five year old little filly hopped up on sugar would make!?

"But Sparklejoule research has gone on neglected for too long as it is!"

>As it should be, because it's stupid.

"It's science!"

>What science requires a ten thousand bit expense for 'fancy dates', exactly?

"No! It's ten thousand for fancy, non-fancy and bare bottom dates, thank you!"

>And I'm noticing a lot of cost for shampoo.

"We need to test how looks affect Sparklejoule count!"

>...No.

"Plleeeeeeeaaaasssse!?"

>No!

"Fine! Hold back the progress of science, see if I care! HRMPH!..."

>...I swear to the great heart of love in the sky, these plots to make me give her more expenses are just getting stupider by the day.
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