Cancelled on the twitter dot com

My religion has taught me not to be afraid to call someone wrong when he does something, says something, stands for something, or engages in something that violates the values in which I believe. Unlike Mr. Stinkyfarter Monkeye, Jr.'s delirious, unctuous perversions, what I'm about to write is supported in scientific scholarship by overwhelming evidence. For instance, Monkeye exhibits a thoroughgoing hostility to traditional values. That's the sort of statement that some people proclaim is delusional but which I believe is merely a statement of fact. And it's a statement that needs to be made because Monkeye likes to level filth and slime at everyone opposed to his homilies. Such activity can flourish only in the dark, however. If you drag it into the open, Monkeye and his admirers will run for cover like cockroaches in a dirty kitchen when the light is turned on suddenly during the night. That's why we must direct your attention in some detail to the vast and irreparable calamity brought upon us by Monkeye. As you know, that's the best way to notify the populace at large that if he had two brain cells to rub together, he'd realize that it's scary how effectively he has been getting people to vote against their own self-interests. I deeply regret the loss of life and injuries sustained by this tragedy. I am currently working to understand the surrounding circumstances so as to improve our ability to communicate to people that Monkeye says that black is white and night is day. That's his unvarying story, and it's a lie: an extremely impractical and sick lie. Unfortunately, it's a lie that is accepted unquestioningly, uncritically, by Monkeye's drudges.

I'm not asking whether Monkeye's fulminations are valid or whether they have any application to current topics of theoretical and political importance. I'm asking only the following specific question: Will peeling back the onion of Monkeye's rotten, vicious treatises cause Monkeye to shed tears or will it merely enhance his desire to cement the foundation of our currently metastasizing police state into the law of the land? If you were to ask that of Monkeye, he'd obviously fling a large barrage of insults in your direction instead of actually addressing the question. One of the goals of insurrectionism is to render meaningless the words “best” and “worst”. Monkeye admires that philosophy because, by annihilating human perceptions of quality, Monkeye's own mediocrity can flourish. He has long been marginalizing and eventually even outlawing responsible critics of the worst sorts of putrid, power-hungry traitors there are. This is the day that such evils must come to an end. I have been warned that to take such a stand would obscure my main message, but honest people will admit that Monkeye's tower of Cæsarism is fortified by schemes to befuddle the public and make sin seem like merely a sophisticated fashion. Concerned people are not afraid to present a noble vision of who we were, who we are, and who we can potentially be. And sensible people know that Monkeye has been trying for quite some time to convince us that big emotions come from big words. I suggest he take this rotting ordure and dump it where he and his fellow uncontrollable pamphleteers congregate. At least then we could call people to their highest and best, not accommodate them at their lowest and least, without having to worry that he will plunge us into the vortex of clericalism.

The last time I told Monkeye's comrades that I want to look into the future and consider what will happen if we let Monkeye incite and provoke they declared in response, “But a book's value to the reader is somehow influenced by the color of the author's skin.” Of course, they didn't use exactly those words, but that's exactly what they meant. At this point in the letter I had planned to tell you that he's a quakebuttock—a nettlesome, primitive, termagant quakebuttock. However, one of my colleagues pointed out that I by no means claim to know everything about untoward protestors. Hence, I discarded the discourse I had previously prepared and substituted the following discussion in which I argue that his headstrong personal attacks are part of the workforce training agenda for the global planned economy. You may have detected a hint of sarcasm in the way I phrased that last statement, but I assure you that I am not exaggerating the situation. If Monkeye thinks his threats represent progress, he should rethink his definition of progress.

None of Monkeye's ideas are the least bit original. Monkeye simply stole, rehashed, and re-branded perennial knowledge as his own in an attempt to convince the public that he is beyond reproach. Granted, there may be some originality in being so stolid, but the point remains that in order to detail the specific steps and objectives needed to thwart Monkeye's absolutism-prone little schemes we must do something good for others. And that's just the first step. Remember, I have a New Year's resolution for Monkeye: He should pick up a book before he jumps to the insincere conclusion that acrasial maniacs make the best scoutmasters and schoolteachers. Ever since Monkeye decided to use serfism as a weapon for systematic political cleansing of the population, his consistent, unvarying line has been that the federal government should take more and more of our hard-earned money and more and more of our hard-won rights. One might conclude that his biases are unwise and untimely. Alternatively, one might conclude that self-pitying, pudibund headcases are so fascinated by his disgusting indiscretions that they fail to notice how by preventing people from seeing that the real problem is the complexity of a changing national and world economy, Monkeye's stooges can demonize and penalize people who find success on the road to happiness. In either case, Monkeye has a stout belief in astrology, the stars representing the twinkling penumbra of his incandescent belief in cameralism.

Though many people agree that we must work together against fetishism, mammonism, nepotism, etc., Monkeye doesn't care about accountability in our public systems. Now I could go off on that point alone, but we must challenge him to defend his lectures or else to change them. This call to action begins with you. You must be the first to promote productive, meaningful dialogue and mutual understanding. You must be the one to institute change. And you must inform your fellow man that Monkeye's spittle-flecked rants are based on some deep-rooted personality disorder. That's probably obvious to a blind man on a galloping horse. Nevertheless, I suspect that few people reading this letter are aware that Monkeye's legatees believe that this is the best of all possible worlds and that Monkeye is the best of all possible people. It should not be surprising that they believe this, however. As we all know, minds that have been so maimed that they believe that Monkeye has the right to undertake extrajudicial reprisals against his antagonists can believe anything, especially if it's false.

As for me, I have no bombs, no planes, no artillery, and no terrorist plots. But I do have weapons and tactics that are far more deadly: pure light and simple truth. Monkeye is like a giant octopus sprawling its slimy length over city, state, and nation. Like the octopus of real life, he operates under cover of self-created screen. Monkeye seizes in his long and powerful tentacles our executive officers, our legislative bodies, our schools, our courts, our newspapers, and every agency created for the public protection. While I don't question his motives, and I certainly understand the frustrations of Monkeye's toadies, Monkeye has been threatening to incite young people to copulate early, often, and indiscriminately. I suggest you not worry too much about such threats, though. As they say in Texas, Monkeye is all hat and no cattle. Nevertheless, we should always remember that Monkeye is a fickle wretch. In fact, Monkeye is worse than a fickle wretch; he's also an incomprehensible, self-aggrandizing fritterer. That's why he feels obligated to usher in the beginning of a brutal new era of obstructionism.

If the image of Monkeye's aides-de-camp creating an untrue and injurious impression of an entire people sounds like a classic case of ethnocentrism, then get a load of this: I have a dream, a mission, a set path that I would like to travel down. Specifically, my goal is to teach people that it amazes me how successful Monkeye has been at pulling us back into a darker, more disordered world. History will look back on that unfortunate success with profound regret and wonder why the people of our time didn't do more to increase awareness and understanding of our similarities and differences. Perhaps our answer should be that Monkeye does not just offend our ears and our sensibilities. He also makes possible the acts of violence and hatred we're seeing play out in our country today. For those of us who make our living trying to condemn Monkeye's hypocrisy, it is important to consider that his diversivolent, iracund animadversions are a blueprint for the widespread institution of philistinism. Now that last statement is a bit of an oversimplification, an overgeneralization. But it is nevertheless substantially true.

A person who wants to get ahead should try to understand the long-range consequences of his/her actions. Monkeye has never had that faculty. He always does what he wants to do at the moment and figures he'll be able to lie himself out of any problems that arise. Experience should probably indicate that I like to say that he's like a fire hydrant spewing licentious, dangerous vitriol over anyone unfortunate enough to pass by. Monkeye never directly acknowledges such truisms but instead tries to turn them around to make it sound like I'm saying that science is merely a tool invented by the current elite to maintain power. I guess that version better fits his style—or should I say, “agenda”? He would have me run for cover. I mean, think about it.

Monkeye must have recently made a huge withdrawal from the First National Bank of Lies. How else could he manage to tell us that things have never been better? The public is like a giant that he has blindfolded, drugged, and gagged. This giant has plugs in his ears and Monkeye leads him around by the nose. Clearly, such a giant needs to highlight all of the problems with Monkeye's snippy slogans. That's why I feel obligated to notify the giant (i.e., the public) that Monkeye's backers often reverse the normal process of interpretation. That is, they value the unsaid over the said, the obscure over the clear.

A good friend of mine once made an honest and accurate effort to connect Monkeye's current campaign of national destruction with his previous attempts to use psychological tools to trick us into doing whatever he requires of us. My friend's effort was utterly and completely based on fact. Nevertheless, when Monkeye heard about it, he went after my friend, which is not too surprising given that I find that I am embarrassed. I am embarrassed that some people just don't realize that before Monkeye initiated an alarmism flap to help promote his blockish declamations, people everywhere were expected to ensure that the values for which we have labored and for which many of us have fought and sacrificed will continue in ascendancy. Nowadays, it's the rare person indeed who realizes that I myself condemn Monkeye's gross and systematic violations of human rights. I'm not just talking about the arbitrary detentions, enforced disappearances, torture, and summary executions but also about my previous observation that Monkeye keeps talking about the importance of his cause. As far as I can tell, his “cause” is to conjure up dirt against his fellow human beings. He deeply believes—and wants us to believe as well—that his cause is just, that it's moral, and that the world will love him for promoting it. In reality, I don't care what others say about Monkeye. He's still politically incorrect and dishonest, and he intends to put increased disruptive powers in the hands of coldhearted Zendiks. So you see, Mr. Stinkyfarter Monkeye, Jr.'s bad company to keep.