Terms of Employment, Part 3

Nov 1st, 2013
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  1. Scooping up the final pack of supplies, I turned to face the Sphere. "Open the doors. Now."
  3. It must have sensed that I wasn't in the mood for any more bullshit, because in an instant the doors swung open.
  5. "Have a safe and orderly evacuation, citizen," the Sphere droned.
  7. "Fuck off," I spat as I led the foals outside.
  9. We were greeted with the same gloomy vista of a cyclopean underground city as before, but now there were considerably less henchmen. In fact, there was no sign that they'd been here at all.
  11. Now, in my line of work this means one of two things: (1) They were all dragged off by some vicious, fanged monstrosity or (2) they had decided to go AWOL.
  13. Judging by the complete lack of bullet holes, shell casings, or bloodstains, I was guessing the latter. Slayde quickly came to the same conclusion.
  15. And as you might guess, he didn't take it too well.
  17. "Damnable traitors!" he shrieked, jumping up and down in impotent rage. "Do they not know who they have betwayed--I mean, betrayed? I am Doctor Malcolm Swayde--Slayde!--the greatest criminal mastermind ever to grace the eawth--ergh, earth!"
  19. "Chickenshits, the lot of them," I agreed. "But we can't get hung up on this. We need to keep moving."
  21. "Don't you realize what this means?" Slayde yelled. "This is a transgression that cannot be tolewated--tolerated! We must twack--track!--down every mutineer, and throw them into the shark tank!"
  23. "I thought you sold that stupid thing," I said. Fuck, no wonder Slayde's finances were in such dire straits. Didn't he realize how insane the upkeep on that thing was? "Ugh, never mind. Anyway, I'm not going to ask again: are you coming along or not?"
  25. "We need to find them!" Slayde said wildly. "We'll start by searching for clues, anything to--"
  27. I bent down and snatched up Slayde unceremoniously, ignoring his attempts to batter me with his tiny, marshmallow-like hooves. It actually made for a decent massage.
  29. "What are you -doing-, you oaf? Put me down! Put me down, I command you!"
  31. I held him underneath my left arm like a football, easily able to support his weight. "I hope you guys are fine with walking?" I said to the other two foals.
  33. "S-sure," said XB9. Chicago just nodded silently.
  35. "I will feed you to last February's gene-beasts!" promised Slayde. "I will towment--I mean, torment--you with the Tormento Ray, and then I will make you spend the night in the Zombie Room! And then, once I've--"
  37. And that's when I spanked a supervillain.
  39. Dear God, I can't believe I just said that.
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