Thread 36: Stories 1-15

Thread 36 archive: http://archive.moe/mlp/thread/19139609/
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Many months ago, I was blessed with the honor of being an Alicorn. I ascended to a new level, gaining a prestige that was shared by only a few. With it, I delved into the world of science, seeking new truths and new discoveries!
...But I kind of slacked off on that whole "Be a princess" thing(not that anyone actually told me what I was supposed to do), and as a result Princess Celestia had to bring in some, let's say, backup. That backup was my good friend, Applejack! She got to join me in being an Alicorn, and we've had a ton of crazy and heartfelt adventures since!

How did it all start?

>Are... are you serious? You think they don't know the story how you became an Alicorn?
>It didn't seem like a very publicized event...

Do you want to see just how crazy things got with someone like Applejack in charge? Check out the pastebin and see for yourself! http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessApplejack

Or if you just want to see what happened recently, check out the previous thread: >>>>http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/S19037167

Try your hand at writing a story! Trust me when I say that sometimes it's important just to go for it... even if it might backfire horribly.
Or try drawing, even! Any bit of art is a fine way for express yourself.
But a good princess knows you have to learn to listen, so tell us what you liked and what you didn't!

New here? Don't be afraid to ask who a character is or what's happened lately. There's a lot going on sometimes and it can be intimidating if you're not up to date.

Thread 36, and my calculations say this isn't going to be ending anytime soon.
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The crew of the Widow's Regret looked at the singular tower rising from the calm waters, their hearts sinking nearly as low as it appeared the City of Gold had. In the eye of the Tempest, there were neither the reverberations of the storms, nor the haunting calls of some great unseen beast to preoccupy their minds, only the bleak silence that declared their failure.

Captain Evergreen sighed, his eyes downcast, looking for the first time to be -for the first time Pommel had seen him- as old and tired as any of the retired veterans of the Guard. Here stood a man whose heart was fully invested in the chase for wealth and riches, the rug pulled out from under him with a cruel tug. The Captain suffered in silence...

Some others...

"OF ALL THE FESTERING ROTTEN GRYPHON SHITE LUCK!"

Not so much.

Rat was practically frothing at the mouth, eyes glaring at the tower, looking like he was going to grab one of the ship's cannons and blow it to kingdom come.

"We come all this way, brave all those dangers, KILL NOT ONE BUT TWO MONSTROSITIES AND THIS IS WHAT WE GET!? NOTHING!?"

"Suppose we could just blow it to bits with th' cannnons," Daw shrugged, "If it's actually made of gold we could get some of th' unicorns on board to levitate th' chunks on over before they all sink."

"Seems like the only way we're going to get any profit from this trip," Pommel agreed, grimacing, "I can't believe this."

"It's simply th' nature of the sea, Pommy," Daw sighed, "Not every treasure map and ancient prophecy can come to pass. Though after what we've gone through, gettin' out of here's gonna be a shite little trip."

"Hold on a moment," Doc's voice came from behind them, "All of you stop your yammering for a moment. We haven't even been INSIDE the damnable tower. They could have stored their greatest treasures up there for all we know, we have to investigate!"

"The old man's right," Evergreen interjected, "We have to try and find something to salvage from this contemptible voyage, elsewise we may as well prepare our own nooses."

"I volunteer to take a group out in a rowboat," Doc nodded, "I'd prefer to take as many unicorns as we can spare, if my research is correct, they'll be indispensible in navigating any traps the tower may hold."

"I'll go," Pommel nodded, "I started this, might as well see it through to the more than likely bitter end."

"Well it'd be a damn embarassing sight if I kicked up a fuss then backed out, hey?" Rat shrugged and moved to stand beside Pommel.

Murmuring amongst the crew slowly brought out five more unicorns, a motley assortment of many colors, several missing pieces, and quite a few piercings.

Daw stepped forward, a smirk on her face, "I'll come along, too, after all, I've a vested interest this little expedition comin' back alive."

"No," Evergreen's answer cut off Daw's smirk faster than a hot knife cutting off the end of a stick of butter.

"What? Why not?" Daw's head snapped back at her captain, "Beggin' yer pardon cap'n, but if they run into something in there-"

"The boy and Rat have proved themselves proficient," Evergreen cut her off, "And there isn't a single member of this crew left after what we've been through that would blanch at the sight of danger."

There were a few grins exchanged amongst the group of unicorns.

"Further, I have need of you here," Evergreen placed a hoof on Daw's side, "Should worst come to worst and Brahmos catch up to us, I need my best flier to relay the news to them and be back here before the damnable minotaur can take action against us."

"I...aye, cap'n," Daw nodded, casting a glance towards Pommel, "I swear t'Faust on high, if you die, I'm gonna kill ya."

"Duly noted," Pommel grinned, "I'm gonna end up a legend just doing shit keep you happy."

"Glad to be a help," Daw snickered, "Now off with ya's, see what we can salvage from that Faust-forsaken hellhole."

"Yes yes yes, enough of this hormonal high school quote unquote romance," Doc's teeth closed around Pommel tail and tugged him towards the side of the ship where the other members of the expedition were swiftly preparing a pair of rowboats, "We've a ruin to plunder!"

Pommel rolled his eyes and turned to join the others, helping Rat load some gear into the boat.

"You've got a weird kind of luck, Gardener," One of the other unicorns, a lanky dull purple stallion with a pair of scars on either cheek, said conversationally, "Surviving what most folk ought not, finding a map to this lifeless hellhole what seems like a waste of time, but hey, if nothin' else, you'll be able to say ya screwed Jacqueline fucken Daw before ya croaked it."

"Uh...thanks?" Pommel blinked, "Didn't know you guys held having sex with a lady in such a high regard."

The portly hazel unicorn next to the first chuckled, "Let's just say you aten't the first wot tried to have a roll around with the First Mate, many a bloke has tried and they all failed to figure out the secret to, heh, parting her lips."

"Turns out," Rat put a foreleg around Pommel, "Ya just need to be a hero."

Pommel shook the foreleg off and helped a grumbling Doc load a sack full of instruments into the boat, "I'm not a hero, I'm just a...gardener."

"Lad, if all 'gardeners' are like ya, then Faust help us if any of 'em give though to pirate hunting," Rat laughed as the rest of the group boarded both the boats, "We'd all be in for the short drop and the sudden stop within a week!"

"Well let's just hope my 'weird turn of luck' or my 'heroism' or whatever you want to call my experiences doesn't get us into more trouble in this damn tempest," Pommel sat down next to Rat, rowing in tandem with him as the boat touched water, the boat rising and falling unevenly with the vast churning ocean it sailed upon, "Doc, you manage to glean anything else about these Coltec guys before we got here?"

Doc shook his head, "No, my limited library kept me from digging all the much deeper. A shame, really, they must have been an impressive people to achieve such splendor as a City of Gold in the midst of a massive storm."

"Impressive, right, aside from the slavery, conquest, and general 'Unicorns Above All' vibe they gave off," Pommel replied.

"Primitive times, primitive people," Doc shrugged, "I'm sure you'll tell me the gryphon invasions of Equestria were motivated by jealousy and not the fact they live in a resource poor shithole on the doorstep of a prosperous land of prancing prissy ponies, as well."

"Seems no matter where we go, between Brahmos and these fellows, we can't get away from slaves, slavers, and slavery," Rat butted in, "Is there something I'm missing about the damned institution? Dental benefits?"

Doc's retort was cut off as the boat rocked to oneside, nearly knocking its occupants over, "Jeh-hosa-phat! What was that!?"

Pommel looked over the side, "Whoa..."

The boat, in its speed and knocked itself into the top of a submerged tower, Pommel could see the outline of it and others like it below the water.

"Cripes," Rat muttered, then shouted to the other boat, "Oi, we've a damned skyline beneath us, watch where ya steer, elsewise ya might end up going down for a closer look!"

Shouts of confirmation came from the other boat, Rat turned back to Pommel, Doc, and the lanky purple stallion, "Right, Shoals, you're on navigation, Pommel, less talking, more rowing."

"You got it," Pommel nodded to his friend, rowing on in silence with him as they approached the tower, careful not to knock into another submerged building.

Closer and closer the spire loomed over them, a grand structure that towered upward and caused Pommel to wonder just how large is could be with its true size hidden beneath the depths. The boats swayed on the water next to the steadfast fortification, and Rat stood, illuminating his horn to see what the overcast sun could only hint at. Indeed, the material the tower was built of shone brightly with a radiant glimmer.

Rat's face split into a wide smile, "Welp, if nothin' else we'll certainly make a tidy profit blasting this tower apart and pawning off the rubble."

"Not until after I've inspected the inside," Doc replied venomously, "I'm not going to let you jump the gun and screw us out of greater riches."

"Right right right," Rat rolled his eyes, "Lads, grappling hooks, there's an opening near the top of this glorified watchtower."

The crewmen and Pommel retrieved grappling hooks from the packed gear, throwing them upwards with their magic and latching them to the ledge above. A few experimental tugs revealed the grips were firm enough to climb up.

"Doc, you first," Rat nodded to the elderly earth pony, "That way if your grip gives out one of us can-"

"Oh shut up," Doc grumbled, "Age is completely incidental, an earth pony is still an earth pony no matter how many wrinkles he gets!"

Sack of instruments clutched in his mouth, Doc began to climb upwards towards the top of the tower. Rat and Shoals grabbed their own ropes and began climbing behind them. Pommel waited for Doc to get a lead on him before starting to scale the golden wall before him, gritting his teeth he began to inch his way up with the rope between either set of hooves, climbing upwards in the nimble way his time on the ship had taught him. Above he could see the other eight members of the expedition reaching their destination.

"Holy hell!" Someone above him shouted.

"Is that what I think that is?!" Another voice asked, full of wonder.

"If that ain' valuable, then I'm the King of Prance," Rat said chipperly, "Lad, get up here, ya gotta see this!"

Galvanized with the most hope he'd felt since looking upon the tower, Pommel sped up his climbing, finally reaching the chamber at the top of the tower and scaling over the side. The champer was circular like the structure it topped, its center a circular hole resembling a well in its construction, interspersed around it were columns covered in primitive engravings depicting what Pommel could only surmise to be the history of the Coltec.

All of this however was not what caught Pommel's attention.

For in the center of the ceiling, embedded into it and seeming to glow even as its inside were pitch black...

Was the biggest gemstone Pommel had ever seen in his life.

"...Rat?"

"Yep?"

"Say it with me."

"Ohhhh yeah."

"BEST IN THE FUCKING WORLD!"
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>AJ13
"55"
~~~~~

>Hey, uh Changeling guy?

"EEEEEHHEHEHEEEEEEE~!"

>Real quick, can you help me?

"HELP!?"

With a blast of fire, he landed in front of her.

"Sure, I love helping! What can I help you with?"

>Well, okay, so I went to this fortune teller.

"Uh huuuuhh.."

>And I asked her if I was cursed or something.

"Riiiiight?"

>But she said no, she couldn't detect an evil curse or anything, but she would look into my future to see if things got better for me.

"Riiiight?"

>Then she just went quiet for a bit, then she handed me this pill and said it might be better this way.

"...I don't get it."

>Me either! Do you know what a cyan-ide pill is?

"That looks more green than cyan. Maybe she meant Cyan-ish?"

>I know! Should I... eat it?

"I don't know, maybe just save it for someone who would know?"

>Yeah... that sounds like a good idea.

"...I bet it's bean flavored."

>Looks like that, doesn't it?

"What do beans taste like?"

>You're asking me? Changeling.

"Right... right..."
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>Pinkie
"Dash"
'Fluttershy'
~~~~~~~

>....

"...So is that... your smiley face in the sky?"

>Uh... no?

"It's just, I see smiley, and I think Pinkie."

>No yeah, I get why you'd think that, but totally unrelated.

'Um... maybe someone is trying to call you?'

>To tell me they are happy? It's not Spike's fire, so it can't be him.

"...Huh."

'...You feel like maybe we just missed something important?'

>Us? Nahhhhh! Anytime something important happens, we're involved! You can't have a big event without us.

'...'
"..."

>...What?

"I feel very neglected for some reason."

'You?'

"Hey, you're right, I look at you and it's not so bad now."

'Thanks?'

"Anytime!"

>...That smiley face is going to bug me all day...
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>Chrysalis
"Celestia"
'???'
~~~~~

>HAH! Really? She's seriously doing this because she 'feels old'?

"I know, right?"

>Pfft, how's she going to feel in two decades or so?

"Or mother forbid, a hundred years?"

>Probably just lock herself away.

"Such a shame she doesn't have your confidence in yourself."

>Damn straight, trends bend to ME, not the other way around. Isn't that right Spiko?

How she had known he was there, he could not say. But it annoyed him.

'Oh goody, can't wait for everyone to start being a random bi-'

"I will get the soap-...what on earth are you wearing?"

>PFTT! HAH!

'Don't ask, long story.'

"..."

'... Is something wrong?'

"I... I keep waiting for her to go off on so many tangents."

>Hm? Oh, I got all of those out of my system already.

"Oh?"

>Oh yeah, we already talked, I made a great many barbs at his lack of masculinity, we had fun. We have fun, don't we Short-Spike? Or Shike, as I am considering redubbing him?

"..."

>Because he's short.

'Oh yeah, me and her are just best buddies.'

"You... literally spat fire."

>Gag reflex finally kicking in?... Oh, what, that one was new.

"Wait, if you saw him already, why did you laugh?"

>Oh, you know, some jokes never grow old. Like...

"...Like?"

>Lost my train of thought.

'Shocking you had one at all.'

>Well, someone lost his cosplay contest. Did you not...

"...Again?"

>Totally again, I am off my game. Must be low on love. Hey, you think Shiny's willing to give a quick refuel? I've got the perfect place he can put it!

"And I'm sure he'll be more than happy to oblige... in another life."

>So pessimistic.

"Come along, Spike, we're going after Shiny to make sure Two's alright."

'I uh...'

>....

'Sure, I guess.'

>...HAH! That's great, me and you never get to hang out anymore Scaleameo, what happened to that?

'Allergies, I guess.'

Though her face didn't reveal a touch of it, Celestia's mind was currently spinning away.

It looked normal, but something was... off.

Something...
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NC

>Mom! You're actually alive!
"Indeed, my daughter! When you ran away I had a clash of morality, and I realized what a horrible Queen I really was! Now, with my soul searching behind me, I'm ready to raise you right, as a mother!"
>M-mommy!
*Reached out to hug her*
*Accidentally tosses cyanide pill she had stuffed in the hole in her hoof*
*Goes right into her mothers mouth*
"GLK!GRLGLLL! I KNEW YOU WERE-GLK-ALWAYS A FAILurggllkklglg....."
>...well, dang.

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>Poindexter
"Mane-Iac"
~~~

>Uh... you think Shining Armor's okay? Chrysalis kind of bolted.

"Not to WOOOORRRY, Poindexter! HeartDrain is by far one of the most POWERFUL and CAPABLE fighters there EVER WAAAASSSSSAHAHAHAHAHA!... He's probably okay!"

>Didn't you want to fight?

"INDEEEED! I WOULD HAVE LOOOOOOVED TO ENGAGE IN WHATEVER FOE DARED TO CHALLENGE LUMINOUS SHIELD IN GRAND COMBAT!... But she said stay here because she might have to use her fire attacks, and my hair hates fire. Makes sense!"

>Perfect sense.

"...The little 'do not cross' sign she drove into the ground next to us makes less sense."

>Yeah, bit of a puzzler there.

"I mean, I was already staying put, is this for others to know not to cross it? It's weird."

>Really weird.

"Huh... Oh well, I'm sure she has her reasons that can only be understood by a mind NOT SEEPED IN THE GRAND MAAAAAAAADNESS THAT CONSUUUMES ME AAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHAHHAH!"

>...Might be the other way around, actually.

"What was that?"

>NOTHING!

"...Okay! AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!"
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>DT
"77"
'SS'
~~~

>So is what's her face ever going to come over?

"..."

>...

"...Are... are you waiting for me to answer you? I have no idea who you mean."

>You know, the other one in the gun club!

"..."

>...Uhh.. uses swords? Uses that little... it's like TBDRLIATU, but it's strapped to her hips only shoots grapples instead of everything because she's a knockoff?

"..."

>...She eats potatoes all the time!

"Is uh, is there a particular reason you're avoiding using PJ's name?"

>PJ! Good old... good old PJ. Right... which stands for that one thing I totally know about.

"Okay, is she doing this intentionally, or is she just being a bit of a priss?"

'Neither, she's being DT.'

"Her maneuver gear is-"

>A lame version of my jump jets that are in every way inferior to my TBDRLIATU, I know, you don't have to hide it. You're among friends, 77! No need to censor yourself, I won't tell.

"Jump jets?"

>...Oh hooooo...

'Now you've done it.'

"Done what?"

>Wellll, you see, it all started when I looked at my rockets and I wondered, hey, why can't I make one of those that doesn't blow up... and ride it...

~~~LATER!~~~~

>And then with that final stabilizer in place, I can now move around without a care in the world!

"..."

'...I think you broke his brain.'

"...WHY ARE YOU STILL IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL!? You just... there were so many words in that I did not understand! Why are you still in a place where they are teaching basic math when you can CALCULATE FORWARD MOMENTUM OF ROCKETS IN YOUR HEAD!?"

>Well, clearly I am just biding my time because-

'She doesn't want to leave me behind, and knows I'm not smart enough to follow her, but won't admit it because she has to look like she's in control of everything and the fact she can't control them letting me go with her is something she doesn't like, but still is preferable to not being friends with me anymore.'

>...
"...Uh..."

'I'm the sane one, remember?'

"Kind of a broad definition there."

>Pfft, if I wanted you to come with me into some sort of super-science school or something, I so could get you in with just a bit of bribing, that's silly, I just like Ponyville more. So many more idiots to control.

'You're completely right, I'm totally wrong.'

>Thank you! See, you are really smart, don't get so down on yourself! Come on already, we've got more terrible cosplayers to mock!

'You shouldn't do that.'

>Oh please, what are they going to do? Use their oh so amazing...pfft... 'swords' against TBDRLIATU? HAHAHAHAHAHA! Ohhhh, DT, you know just how to make me laugh. OH! There's a fat one dressed up as a girl! HAH! He thinks this will deflect my mockery by being too easy, but he is oh so wrong! Low hanging fruit is just as tasty as the one higher on the branch! HEY! FATTY

*Walks ahead*

"..."
'...'
"...Why?'

'Told you, I'm the sane one.'

"Hm, guess so..."
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>AJ
"Rarity"
'Arana'
~~~

'Okay, so then we went on the flipper-flopper, and it was fun! Then we went on the Netty Bunch, and it was SO fun! And then we went on the-'

>Gonna stop ya' right there, darlin', and just say the next few sentences are 'we went on a ride and it was fun'.

'Yeah!'

"Well, I'm glad one of us had an exciting time. My, we were lucky one of our soldiers came across... huh."

>What'cha "huh"in' for?

"It just feels so weird to say. 'Our soldiers'. Technically, you or I could command them, could we not?"

>Uh, yeah, Ah' guess. Ah've done it a couple times.

"It's so strange... I know Twilight wasn't exactly taking charge and having ponies bow before her after her ascension-"

>Freakin' cabs weren't even stoppin' fer' her.

"-but it feels so weird to be on this end, you know?"

>Guess it does, a bit.

"Hm... should I take a more active role in politics?"

>Iffin' it means ya'll start helpin' with the paperwork, Ah'll answer this however ya' want.

"I do my portion!... okay, as in I only do the portion formed by me, but it can't be that ba-"

*ZAP!*

"..."

'...You uh... you just shot lasers outta' yer' eyes.'

>So Ah' did. How funny.

"Maybe... maybe I'll leave the technical work to you. It seems... stressful."

*ZAP!*

"GAH!"

>You know, it is a little bit.
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>JJ
"Actarius"
~~~

>So, this cosplaying... who are you supposed to dress up as?

"Anyone you want! You could be anybody who you really like, like someone from a book, or movie, or just a parody of current events!"

>Huh... anyone?

"Anyone at all!"

>Even, like, one of the princesses?

"...Can you, uh..."

>What?

"Can you change..."

>...OH! No! No no no!... There was actually a long debate and examination about that, and we eventually realized that while we could LOOK the part, uh... 'fixing internal plumbing' like that would require enough control on our skin to be able to actually, like, open gaping cavities in our bodies and then close them when done... 42 was actually kind of disappointed since if we could pull it off, she theoretically could have healed from any stab wound immediately... at least, I hope that's the only reason.

"..."

>...Also, we kind of ended up wondering where the uh... 'package' would be moved in this case, you know? Were we just going to cram it up into our organs or somethin-

"Got it! No more explanation needed!... Yes, by the way, you can dress up like the princesses if you want."

>...Anyone at all...

"Yep, anyone at-"

*FWOOOSH!*

"..."
>...
"...Huh..."

>Yeah, didn't change, like, my face or anything, but I don't have any money for armor, so I just used magic... is that cheating?

"I guess it would be for an official contest, but I feel like you're keeping the spirit of it. Still though, why an Equestrian guard? Is it a specific one?"

>Oh, uh... n-no, nobody in particular... just, you know, you guys don't get a lot of representation, and you do a good job! Just because you don't have the magic superbomb doesn't mean you aren't useful. You are!

"Huh... You know, this gives me an idea."

>It does?

"Be right back!"

>....hmm... might as well get some juggle practice in... do dodododododo dododod-FUCKING HOLES!

"Ta-daaaa!"

>...Are you...dressed up like a changeling?

"Yeah! I said to myself, you know who else gets a bad rep? You guys. You need more ponies who see that just cause you look different doesn't mean you're all bad... I mean, some of you are awful, like that one prissy guy-"

>Yeah, 29's a jerk. Said I was "An idiot so daft he could not see the flames as they consumed him, let alone the scope of his own failure within thine burning life!"

"But guys like you are cool! And I figure, hey, nice ironic twist huh? A pony disguised as a changeling! It's got meta-narrative!"

>Huh... cool! You anyone of them in particular? I can get you an eyepatch if you want to be 77.

"...A-ah, no. I'm just... a changeling in general, I guess. Yep. Just an average, run of the mill, could be anyone changeling. Just like you, only not a guard, but a changeling."

>Oh... yeah, that makes sense. Yeah! Cool! Hey, come on, let's go blow some minds! A changeling and a guard dressed up as each other!

"Totally going to steal the show."

>Yeah!

"...Do you think anybody will think we're supposed to be each other?"

>...nahhh.

"Yeah, you're right, being silly."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>18
"???"
'???'
~~~

>Dawww... that's adorable. Giant smiley face in the... huh... you know, sky based signals like that might be a good way to get out general public announcements without a meeting, I would cut down on my paperwork if I didn't have to organize a rally every time we mention the expansion or new plans for the Empire. If I use the Crystal Heart's area as a base, it should be visible to-

"Told you it wasn't his first wife."

'You win the bet, husband, I will wear the hat later.'

"In respect, I will contain my excitement so as not to appear gloating."

>...Well, hello Mister Rock, Misses Quartz! How pleasant to see you again, are you having a fun time at the park?

"Our daughter is a very talented mare, she has done fantastic with the park."

>Oh, I agree! It's such fun.

'Oh, but it is good we saw you first. We had an inquiry, if you do not mind.'

>Oh?

"Yes, we embarrassed ourselves yesterday when we asked the Princess about our dealings, and we would like to avoid that in the future."

'If it's not too forward to ask, how much of our dealings is with you, and not her? There is quite a lot of exchange to your Empire, and we do not wish to bring up something she would not know about."

Almost unnoticeably, 18's eyes narrowed.

>...Well, I do apologize, but I cannot say. Due to the highly confidential nature of our economic stature, unique dispersing of various royal duties and the fact a great many of your rocks are used as reinforcement to prevent natural earthquake based disasters, I cannot divulge who is assigned to deal with what areas concerning our joint business. I hope this does not offend, but I will assure you that every single order placed is done with the utmost care and regard for your families legacy as the best rock farmers in Equestria, there is no slacking off in any area to be found, I will promise you. See us as a single entity, and never fear being disappointed.

"...Hm."

'I like this one better.'

"Indeed. But miss? The princess of the Empire tends to make her wording more... 'informal', so if you wish others to know it's not all you doing it, I would recommended you add a bit of pomp to some of your work."

'Add the little hearts over the I's occasionally at least, since she does that.'

"Even though technically a capital I has no dot over it."

'She still puts it there.'

"It bothered Maud something fierce. She almost sent a fruit basket to show her dissatisfaction."

'It would have been a cheap one to get the point across.'

"But instead she held her tongue, she is a very nurturing soul."

'Very apparent on her face. You could see the pride in her eyes when you switched to the new lettering with the better font.'

"But you could possibly increase efficiency in your orders by mass producing a dropdown checklist instead of the current sideways model."

'It makes for less variety, but the total number of rocks that perform well in your climate should be small enough it would not make a difference.'

"You should also switch to a six millimeter sized quill instead of the current model. It is possible and better if you sharpen them."

'Saves on ink, and allows to write more on a page.'

"But we talk too much of business."

'And we would like to thank you for your efforts in our continued mutual agreement, as your work is far more efficient and appreciated than the previous, more sloppy work of the first one.'

'Enjoy our daughter's excellent establishment.'

"It is the most Partiest place in Equestira."

'And the fun never stops.'

With a respectful nod, they left.

>...Did... did I just get schooled or not?... this is a weird feeling, and no sir, I do not like this.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Spike
“Celestia”
‘???’
_________

“Spike…?

>Hm?

“You’ve been glancing over your shoulder, constantly, for the past six minutes now. Is something wrong?”

>You mean besides the obvious?

‘Hurtful! Baby, your words cut so deep I think I’m gonna need a band-aid for that one.’

>…not deep enough apparently.

“Yes, dear, besides the obvious.”

>I… feel something. Like, we’re being watched? I dunno, it’s just weird, like eyes are on us. From everywhere. All at once.

“Oh. That’s just Jetset.”

>That’s just who now?

“Long story short, he’s my, um… personal guard.”

>Personal… but I thought that was Shining?

‘No, Shiny’s now guarding flat diamond ass, Shike. Hut, hut, HIKE!’

>…

“…”

‘What? Like you both didn’t think the same th-’

>ANYWAY. As you were going to say, Celestia?

‘Rude!’

“Unfortunately, for all intents and purposes, Shiny is now just my favorite bubblehorse whose cheeks I could squeeze until they popped.”

‘Which pair?’

“The bottom, obviously.”

>…

‘…huh. Well played, sunhorse. Sounded like something I would’ve said.’

“But with him having his hooves full, my other guard, Jetset, is taking a more… proactive role. What you’re feeling is him… even though you shouldn’t be feeling anything so wherever Jetset may happen to be, he should stop glaring.”

>…Why would he be glaring?

“He’s just a little sensitive right now.”

‘So what you’re saying is that you're being guarded by an emotionally unstable pony...? HA! That’s pretty pathetic.’

>Strange. Now it feels utterly cold, like winter came early.

“It’s fine, Jet. And to you, Chrysalis....

"I’m not one to stoop to anothers level of goading… but I’m on vacation, so buck it. You want to talk pathetic? Your personal guards stealth tactics are woefully beginner level. I doubt he could sneak up behind a paranoid filly, much less me. I would tell him that myself but I don't want to embarrass the poor thing. Pass the message, won’t you?”

>Annnnd suddenly it’s really warm, really nice and toasty.

‘Oh? Why, do mine ears deceive me or is alabaster ass insinuating she has better protection than me?’

“It’s no insinuation, I’m outright saying it. Jetset is the best.”

‘In his dreams, perhaps. I hope he’s enjoyed all the spying he’s done on my big, sexy ass because that’s all I’ve ever permitted him to see during his… you know, I can’t even call it spying. More like stalking. The pervert. 007 could run circles around him.’

“How about a friendly challenge then?”

>Um, guys…?

'Bring it on!'

>Guys.

“Suggestion?”

‘Hmm… how about something small, something your peon could never manage! Liiiiike... snatching a single strand from our mane or tail!’

“Acceptable. But, to give your little bug some glimmer of hope, I’ll proactively limit myself somewhat.”

‘Same!’

>…so this isn’t about me anymore?

An ethereal tail wrapped itself around his figure almost absentmindedly, lifting the purple dragon and setting him on Celestia’s back.

“Then let the games begin.”

‘You’re going down, sunhorse.’

>Screw it. Now I’m interested.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>42
"SA"
'Cadence'
[2]
~~~~

>Sooo... uh... everyone having fun so far?

"..."
'...'
[Bubble bubble, you're the one~! You shine when you're in the sun~!]

>I have, you know? This place is great, always something to do!

"..."
'...'
[Pop pop little bubble~!]

>Like this one ride, the one with the... it swung up and then down really hard? You know what I'm talking about?

"..."
'...'
[I wish I could just forever play~! But when you pop you go away~!]

>...That ride was fun...

"..."
'...'

>...Psuuuu... mmm... yep...

"..."
'..."
[POP POP!... Got any otha' song requests?]

>Literally anything. I am begging you.

[KAY! This is anything~! Anything at all~! Gonna talk about big thing and things small~! Grass on the ground and birds in the air~! Even the fuzzy tail on that there bear! HI BEAR!]

*Growl!*

[Bear says hi.]

>...Brain? You can talk now if you want.

{You're on your own now, bub.}

>...Screw you, brain.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>55
"13"
'Random Cosplayer'
~~~

>I'm telling you, the sky isn't really blue! If you go up high enough, the illusion falls away!... Also, air may or may not be fake.

"...What?"

>When I got above the illusion of the sky, I also ran out of air! It might all be fake, I tell you, a conspiracy!

"I feel like there's a rational explanation."

>You seem like the type, being a changeling.

"...what?"

>I said-HOLY FLAMES OF FIRE IN FIRETON COUNTY ON FLAMESTREET!

"No way is that a real place."

>IT'S A CLONE!

"What?"

>YOU THERE!

'...Uh... can I help you, little changeling dude?'

>Are you a clone!?

'...noooo? I'm the Demon Rider'

"Is that what his name was?"

'You know, my club had a lot of debate on the matter-'

>BUT HOW!?

'...What?'

>How can you be the Demon Rider and NOT a clone!? There can't be two of them!

'You... is he serious?'

"Unfortunately, probably."

>But... if I'm here... how can I be there!?

'What? Why would the Demon Rider being here mean you couldn't be the-'

>'ELLO GOVN'A! BIT OF A HOT SPOT TODAY OUT AIN'T IT!? ME BUM'S GONNA SIZZLE OFF AT THIS RATE!

'...Oh... OHHHHH... he's uh, you know...'

"Yeah, probably. Had a bad... 'addiction' problem."

'Oof, that's rough. Just a costume, buddy.'

>AH HAH! I've solved the mystery!... Should I look into getting a talking dog? That might make things easier.

"...So there's a club?"

'Oh yeah, we're all for the heroes of Equestria. We talk, debate, compare, ship, you know.'

"Oh yeah, it's... wait, what?"

'Heart-Mode-Chrysalis and the A-Team's Spike is my OTP.'

"..."

'...I stand by it.'

>No! Wait! A van! I need a van with a groovy paint job! BRILLIANT!

'Eesh, could you imagine if the Demon Rider was like that? It would be nuts.'

"Heh... yeah... nuts..."

>WITH A TALKING PUPPY SIDE KI- no wait, that's stupid, everyone would hate that.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NC

>Wow, thish burnie water makesh me feel funneh. And its sho much better than mommas funny water! I think it was made from frogsh.

"Are you okay Arana? You're walking sideways"

>I'm doin' AMASHING mr-prince-shiny-sir. Do you mind if I frow up on your butthole?

"What? No, dont do that. Why would you ask permission anyway?"

>I dun feel good

"No no nooOOOOO"

*Shiny breaks into a full sprint*

*BLARGH*

AAUGH, MY BUTTHOLE! WHY. WHY WOULD A QUEEN INVENT ACID VOMIT AS A POWER?!

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________