Mother's Day (2016) Eng

1
00:00:25,240 --> 00:00:27,527
(MUSIC PLAYING)

2
00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:57,010
NARRATOR: <i>Ah, Mother's Day.</i>

3
00:00:57,200 --> 00:00:59,726
Paige, come on, honey,
you have to go to school.

4
00:00:59,800 --> 00:01:01,450
<i>I love being a mother.</i>

5
00:01:01,760 --> 00:01:04,969
<i>But what about
the other 364 days
of the year?</i>

6
00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:07,367
<i>When you're trying to
get your kid to school</i>

7
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:10,171
<i>and you're surviving
on very little sleep</i>

8
00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:13,966
<i>because you're up all night
sewing costumes for
the school play</i>

9
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,849
<i>and you've still
got to go to work
in the morning.</i>

10
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:17,561
Go.

11
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,081
<i>It's about
the never-ending driving</i>

12
00:01:20,160 --> 00:01:22,447
<i>to soccer,
gymnastics, or ballet.</i>

13
00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:23,607
(DOG BARKING)

14
00:01:23,680 --> 00:01:26,763
<i>It's about getting
your kids to look up
from their computer</i>

15
00:01:26,840 --> 00:01:30,367
<i>or iPad or iPod or iPhone
or whatever "I"
they're looking at.</i>

16
00:01:30,680 --> 00:01:33,968
Paige, wait, honey,
your banana,
hold on, hold on!

17
00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:37,083
It's okay, honey,
just eat the peach.

18
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,611
Eat the peach, it's fine.

19
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,160
<i>In other words,</i>
<i>it's about being</i> a...

20
00:01:41,240 --> 00:01:43,402
MIKEY: Mom! Mom!

21
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:45,400
Mom!

22
00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:46,807
(PANTING)
Peter...

23
00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,724
Wait, wait, wait... (SHUSHING)
breathe, slow down, slow down,

24
00:01:49,800 --> 00:01:51,211
breathe, hold on.

25
00:01:57,800 --> 00:01:59,086
There you go. See?

26
00:02:01,200 --> 00:02:02,201
Now tell me what happened.

27
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,442
Peter left the top
of the ant farm open.

28
00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,767
All the ants are gone,
even the big red one.

29
00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,486
Oh, why?
Why did I buy this
for you guys?

30
00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:11,971
I swear, I don't...

31
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:14,168
Hey, hey, hey, Peter,
where did that come from?

32
00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:16,721
You know no junk food
for breakfast anymore.

33
00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:18,690
Dad brought them.
He lets us.

34
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:21,931
(SCOFFS) He also lets you
go to school without
any underwear.

35
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:24,163
It's called
free-balling, Mom.

36
00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:27,246
I swear.
Where are all of these ants?

37
00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:28,367
It happened in the backyard.

38
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:30,522
God. Peter, I'm not kidding.
I'm counting to three.

39
00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:32,125
One, two...

40
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,201
Three.

41
00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:36,845
What?
When did that stop working?

42
00:02:36,920 --> 00:02:38,843
Come on,
I brought a box of donuts.

43
00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,240
It's not a federal offense,

44
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:42,971
but I will take credit
for the underwear.

45
00:02:45,840 --> 00:02:47,604
Good morning.
Hello.

46
00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:50,842
Did you look this good
when we were married?

47
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:52,888
No, I actually got better.

48
00:02:53,480 --> 00:02:55,847
When did you get in here?
I didn't even
hear you come in.

49
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:57,649
Came in through
the back door.

50
00:02:57,720 --> 00:03:00,041
I mean, we don't want
the neighbors talking, do we?
(CLICKS TONGUE)

51
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:01,690
Hmm. Are you hungry?

52
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:02,761
Mmm.

53
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:04,450
Here, have a donut.

54
00:03:05,400 --> 00:03:07,368
Your parents are divorced,
right?

55
00:03:07,440 --> 00:03:09,204
Oh, trust me,
there's weirdness.

56
00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:11,851
So, Peter, you decided
to invite your friends over

57
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:13,644
at 7:45 in the morning?

58
00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:14,721
Hi.

59
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,684
We're meeting here
for the carpool today.

60
00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:18,564
And the donuts.
HENRY: At my request.

61
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:22,125
All right,
you little hooligans,
let's go, time for school.

62
00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,247
Load up.

63
00:03:24,440 --> 00:03:27,364
Please,
you cannot bring this stuff
into the house anymore.

64
00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:33,001
Yeah, but, uh, seriously,
could we have
a conversation later?

65
00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,966
There's something important
I need to talk to you about.

66
00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,483
Sure, okay.

67
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,121
Okay.
(PHONE RINGING)

68
00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:42,725
Telephone.

69
00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:46,167
Hey, Jess.

70
00:03:46,240 --> 00:03:49,244
I ate a whole
coffee cake last night.

71
00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:50,367
Pilates?

72
00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:52,044
No, I can't.
I have way too much work.

73
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:54,088
But I've got to tell you,
the strangest
thing just happened.

74
00:03:54,160 --> 00:03:55,127
What?

75
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,647
I think I just caught Henry
totally checking me out,

76
00:03:58,720 --> 00:03:59,801
like twice.

77
00:03:59,880 --> 00:04:03,487
Was it like a long stare
or a gawk?

78
00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:05,683
Jesse, you've got to see this!

79
00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:09,167
I'm going to say like a gawk.

80
00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,401
What does that mean?

81
00:04:12,520 --> 00:04:14,761
I have no idea, but
he said he wants to sit
down with me later

82
00:04:14,840 --> 00:04:17,366
and talk about
something important.

83
00:04:17,840 --> 00:04:19,444
What if he wants to
get back together?

84
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:20,726
<i>What? No. No way.</i>

85
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:21,926
(WHISPERS)
I'm coming, I'm coming.

86
00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:23,286
That is so not happening.

87
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,930
Why not?
<i>Jesse.</i>

88
00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:27,810
You are the happiest
divorced couple I've ever met.

89
00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:29,644
I mean, maybe he's
figured you're the one.

90
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:31,643
Max, get ready,
my sister's coming.

91
00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:34,451
No, no, no, no, no, no,
there's no way.

92
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,603
That's not going to...
It's been years,
it's all fine and...

93
00:04:37,680 --> 00:04:39,364
You don't really...
Really, you think it might be?

94
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:41,442
Do you think?
<i>Here's what I'm wondering.</i>

95
00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:45,440
If you guys get remarried,
does it mean the ring
has to be bigger?

96
00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:47,124
I'm saying yes.

97
00:04:47,240 --> 00:04:48,844
Okay, you just keep
thinking all of those

98
00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,445
wonderfully deep
thoughts, okay?

99
00:04:50,560 --> 00:04:52,050
I'll talk to you later.

100
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,043
(CHUCKLES) Okay.

101
00:04:56,760 --> 00:05:00,003
Presenting our float
for the Mother's Day parade.

102
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,565
ALL: Oh!

103
00:05:02,840 --> 00:05:04,524
(SCREAMING EXCITEDLY)

104
00:05:04,880 --> 00:05:06,245
(GRUNTING)

105
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:07,726
Wow!

106
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,849
Do you love it?
What is it?

107
00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:13,288
Womb. It's a womb.

108
00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:15,210
Of course.

109
00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:16,765
It's a womb float.

110
00:05:16,840 --> 00:05:19,764
Amazing. And so,
the tube?

111
00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:21,881
The umbilical cord.

112
00:05:21,960 --> 00:05:24,327
It's symbolic that
we all come from
the same place,

113
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:27,483
gay, straight,
transgender, black, white,
purple, you know.

114
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:28,686
Awesome.

115
00:05:29,520 --> 00:05:30,885
(CHUCKLES)
I love it.

116
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,207
You're going to kill it
at the Mother's Day parade.

117
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,089
Seriously,
they're not going to know
what to do with it.

118
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,491
You haven't seen
the best part.

119
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:43,208
Oh, look at that!
I delivered a child
for the second time.

120
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,841
Wow! It's a boy.

121
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:47,365
You've lost your mind.

122
00:05:47,440 --> 00:05:48,601
(BOTH LAUGHING)

123
00:05:49,040 --> 00:05:50,769
I'm going to go work out.
I'll be right over here.

124
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:54,521
You good?

125
00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:55,601
All good, Val.

126
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,281
Hey, Zack.

127
00:05:58,200 --> 00:05:59,645
Another week,
you won't need the tray.

128
00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,689
Another week,
and you and Kristin
will be doing my shift.

129
00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:02,727
Hey, Val.

130
00:06:02,840 --> 00:06:04,888
Hey, Kristin. Hey.

131
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:06,450
Hi, Daddy!

132
00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:07,801
Ooh.

133
00:06:07,880 --> 00:06:09,723
No, no, no, we sanitize.

134
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,040
I literally just
washed my hands.

135
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:12,201
Doesn't matter.

136
00:06:12,280 --> 00:06:13,964
I could always
wear a hazmat suit.

137
00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:15,610
(GASPS) I'd love that.

138
00:06:15,680 --> 00:06:17,762
The baby books call that
being a helicopter mom.

139
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:18,966
You know, always hovering.

140
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,246
Yeah, I've been
called them all,

141
00:06:20,320 --> 00:06:21,526
and it doesn't
faze me one bit.

142
00:06:22,720 --> 00:06:25,485
Milk bottles for tonight.

143
00:06:25,560 --> 00:06:27,130
Can you put
those in the fridge
for me, please?

144
00:06:27,480 --> 00:06:29,244
Um, that may not work.

145
00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:30,321
I just found out...

146
00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:32,209
Hey, Zack,
can I get two more?

147
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:34,642
Yep, on the way. Beanzie?

148
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,885
I got accepted into
the Buckhead Standup
Comedy Contest.

149
00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,128
First round's tonight,
three rounds,

150
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:41,531
first prize is 5 grand.

151
00:06:42,440 --> 00:06:45,728
Babe, that would
take my overall
earnings as a comic to,

152
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,001
well, 5 grand.

153
00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,162
Just getting accepted
into the contest
is a big deal.

154
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,288
Yeah, of course,
I will figure
something out with Katie.

155
00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,408
Don't worry.
Just go make 'em laugh.

156
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,762
BOSS: I'm not paying you
to reproduce again.

157
00:06:55,840 --> 00:06:56,841
Sorry, boss.

158
00:06:56,920 --> 00:06:59,127
But don't mind me,
I'm just the owner.

159
00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:00,526
(CHUCKLES)

160
00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:04,769
RACHEL: Vicky,
don't kick the ball in here.

161
00:07:04,840 --> 00:07:06,251
Okay, okay.

162
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,365
Thank you.

163
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,682
Can't believe it's
already been a year.

164
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,880
This will be our
first one without her.

165
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:27,091
I miss her.

166
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,086
Me, too.

167
00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:32,770
(CELL PHONE RINGING)

168
00:07:37,040 --> 00:07:38,371
Who's that?

169
00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,602
Just a friend,
wondering if I'll be

170
00:07:40,680 --> 00:07:42,728
at the mall
today after school.

171
00:07:42,800 --> 00:07:43,926
I've got to answer him.

172
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:48,285
Is this "him" your,
uh, boyfriend?

173
00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:49,640
Dad, stop. Please.

174
00:07:49,720 --> 00:07:50,721
What?
Oh, my God.

175
00:07:50,800 --> 00:07:52,131
Seems like
a reasonable question

176
00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:54,004
for a father to
ask his daughter.

177
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,809
Hey, Vicky,
you know, we should go.

178
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,370
We're going to be
late for school,

179
00:07:57,440 --> 00:07:59,841
and you, don't be late
for soccer practice this time.

180
00:08:00,240 --> 00:08:01,446
I won't.

181
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:04,881
Mom was never
late for practice.

182
00:08:10,800 --> 00:08:12,211
No, she wasn't.

183
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:19,085
Can I drive?

184
00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:20,766
Absolutely not.

185
00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:23,321
No, look, we're all
going to end up in
a place like this someday.

186
00:08:23,440 --> 00:08:24,487
All right?
I don't want to rush it.

187
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:25,561
(CHUCKLES)

188
00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:26,727
What?

189
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,690
That was just like
the old Dad, making jokes.

190
00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:31,725
Yeah, I guess.

191
00:08:32,440 --> 00:08:33,851
So, listen, Dad.

192
00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,366
After I get my license,
could I maybe, you know,

193
00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,124
drive Mom's Volkswagen?

194
00:08:38,520 --> 00:08:40,409
No, no, no,
I'm going to sell it.
I told you that.

195
00:08:40,480 --> 00:08:41,891
Come on, Dad.
Pretty please?

196
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,729
It's literally just
sitting in the garage.

197
00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:45,211
Absolutely not.

198
00:08:45,840 --> 00:08:48,571
Well, thanks for
thinking that over. Great.

199
00:08:50,360 --> 00:08:51,407
I'm Adam Freeman.

200
00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:54,245
Thanks for
joining me here on HSN
from our headquarters

201
00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:56,084
in St. Petersburg, Florida.

202
00:08:56,160 --> 00:08:59,243
<i>Right now,
I would like to send it over
to Atlanta, Georgia,</i>

203
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,164
<i>where the very
lovely Miranda Collins
is on her book tour.</i>

204
00:09:02,240 --> 00:09:03,571
Hello, Adam.

205
00:09:03,640 --> 00:09:04,721
Hello, Atlanta.

206
00:09:04,800 --> 00:09:06,211
Hello, viewers.

207
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:08,806
So, Mother's Day
is getting so close,

208
00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:12,965
and we have these gorgeous
crystal mood pendants.

209
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:15,005
It is the perfect
gift for Mom.

210
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:18,243
These genuine quartz
crystal mood pendants

211
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,482
change color with your mood.

212
00:09:20,560 --> 00:09:22,483
Now, wouldn't it
be nice to know

213
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:26,007
if your mom is
happy or sad or mad?

214
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:27,241
(LAUGHS)
(BELL DINGS)

215
00:09:27,440 --> 00:09:30,011
Oh, we have just sold
our 800th pendant!

216
00:09:30,080 --> 00:09:31,127
Bingo!

217
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,161
Oh, God, I know that look.

218
00:09:37,480 --> 00:09:38,766
You hate the float.

219
00:09:38,840 --> 00:09:41,491
No, it's not the float.

220
00:09:42,680 --> 00:09:44,205
It's just all this
Mother's Day stuff

221
00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,169
and I start thinking about
how I haven't talked to Mom.

222
00:09:46,320 --> 00:09:50,370
I don't even remember
what our stupid
argument was about.

223
00:09:50,440 --> 00:09:51,805
Oh, let me
refresh your memory.

224
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,370
She saw a picture of you
and Russell on Facebook,

225
00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:56,125
and even though he's a doctor,
she threatened to disown you

226
00:09:56,240 --> 00:09:59,210
if you continue to date
a man whose skin was
darker than a Frappuccino.

227
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:01,203
Okay, I get it.

228
00:10:03,760 --> 00:10:05,171
Look, you can always call her,

229
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,084
not that I understand
why you would
want to, or Skype.

230
00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:09,605
She's into that now.

231
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,603
Our parents have the Internet?

232
00:10:11,680 --> 00:10:13,603
How do they do that
with a rotary phone?

233
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:16,160
Hmm. Fancier trailer park?

234
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:19,405
Well, when are you
planning on telling them
about you and Max?

235
00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,007
Never.

236
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,684
I'm engaged to
an investment banker
named Steven.

237
00:10:22,760 --> 00:10:23,886
We have not set the date yet.

238
00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:25,291
He has low sperm count
and I'm in therapy.

239
00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:26,361
That's my story.

240
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:30,570
Maybe if you tell
them about you two first,
it'll soften the blow for me.

241
00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:34,169
Don't even try to
piggyback your secret
on my secret.

242
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,607
Besides, she's in Texas.
We're fine.

243
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,530
Yeah, we're fine,

244
00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,161
just motherless
this time of year.

245
00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:44,288
There's a reason we
moved here to Georgia.

246
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:45,805
She ruins everything,
remember?

247
00:10:45,880 --> 00:10:48,406
I mean, at least
everything we let her.

248
00:10:48,760 --> 00:10:50,842
I just feel like
we don't have family.

249
00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,086
(CHUCKLES)

250
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:55,130
I'm your sister.
I live next door to you.

251
00:10:56,080 --> 00:10:57,844
Thank you very much.

252
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:04,761
Thanks.

253
00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:06,001
Little hot, careful.

254
00:11:07,120 --> 00:11:08,121
Mmm.

255
00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:10,165
It's really hot.

256
00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:12,441
(SIGHS)

257
00:11:14,200 --> 00:11:17,124
What did you
want to talk about?

258
00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:19,771
Sounded so important.

259
00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:23,365
(LAUGHS) Uh...

260
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,529
Oh, my God, what is it?

261
00:11:27,600 --> 00:11:28,931
I, uh...

262
00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:32,521
I, um...

263
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:34,805
I got married.

264
00:11:36,840 --> 00:11:38,126
Eloped, actually.

265
00:11:39,880 --> 00:11:41,405
Very impulsive.

266
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,040
You got married?

267
00:11:45,120 --> 00:11:46,281
Yeah.

268
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,688
You got... To who?

269
00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:51,291
To Tina.

270
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:52,921
To Tina?

271
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,326
Yeah, to Tina.

272
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,481
To Tina?

273
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:57,921
Stop saying, "To Tina."

274
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:03,040
(STUTTERING) I'm sorry,
I'm so confused right now.

275
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:05,726
I mean, I thought
you guys broke up so long ago.

276
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:06,801
We did.

277
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,685
But then there
was that stripper.

278
00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:10,650
Dancer, yeah.

279
00:12:10,760 --> 00:12:11,841
Stripper.

280
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:16,249
And then, Tina and I
got back together.

281
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:18,090
How does this...

282
00:12:18,160 --> 00:12:19,650
Wow. You got back together.

283
00:12:21,840 --> 00:12:23,330
She's the one.

284
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:26,281
Ah.

285
00:12:26,360 --> 00:12:28,931
Well, let's say the next one.

286
00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:30,847
Right.

287
00:12:31,680 --> 00:12:35,082
You know,
I've always respected
the agreement we've had

288
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:36,810
to keep our
love lives separate

289
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,962
until they become permanent,

290
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:41,691
which now it has.

291
00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:47,444
Okay, so,
when do we tell the boys?

292
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:51,488
Oh, I already told them
on the way to school.

293
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:53,768
What? You already told them?

294
00:12:53,840 --> 00:12:54,966
Yeah.

295
00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:58,649
On the way to school,
with those other
children in the car?

296
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,929
No, I waited till
those kids got out.

297
00:13:02,000 --> 00:13:03,650
Oh, you did, good.
That's good.

298
00:13:03,760 --> 00:13:07,685
So, that was a really nice,
well-thought-out
moment for you guys.

299
00:13:07,760 --> 00:13:09,888
That's nice.
Thanks for waiting for me.

300
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,243
They were excited.

301
00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,569
They know her.
They really like her.

302
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:16,486
Okay.

303
00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,568
(SIGHS) Well...

304
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:26,964
Oh, gosh, I have to, um...

305
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:29,168
I have to meet
Jess at Pilates.

306
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:30,651
Sorry, I don't mean to...

307
00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:32,131
No, no, no.

308
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,644
I wanted to make sure
you heard it from me first.

309
00:13:34,720 --> 00:13:36,245
Yes, I know, I know.

310
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:38,240
Okay, well, um...

311
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:40,241
Uh...

312
00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,610
I'm happy for you.

313
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:44,371
Thank you.

314
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:57,847
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

315
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,760
Hi, Bradley.
Are you going to join
us on the poles today?

316
00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:08,922
Uh, not today,
Beth Anne, no.

317
00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,286
Sisters.

318
00:14:20,080 --> 00:14:21,730
We want to talk to you.
Go, Jody.

319
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:24,883
Bradley, there's
this new mom at school
we want to set you up with.

320
00:14:25,040 --> 00:14:26,041
She's recently divorced.

321
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,121
Not too recent.

322
00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:30,124
With one of those
annoyingly perfect
lives-at-the-gym bodies.

323
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,526
But with boobs, big boobs.

324
00:14:31,640 --> 00:14:32,641
I mean big boobs.

325
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,085
Look, ladies,
I really appreciate

326
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,889
you looking out
for me like this,

327
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:38,361
but I just don't think
I'm ready quite yet, you know?

328
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,608
But when I am,
I will definitely
come talk to you guys.

329
00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,170
It'd be dumb not to.

330
00:14:42,480 --> 00:14:44,244
What are your plans
for Mother's Day?

331
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:45,801
Oh, um...

332
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,764
No plans.
We're not celebrating.

333
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:52,930
I've been thinking about this
long and hard and believe me,

334
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,729
I think what's
best for the girls

335
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:56,564
is to just skip
the day altogether.

336
00:14:56,640 --> 00:15:00,486
You know, just treat
it like a normal Sunday,
nothing special. You know?

337
00:15:00,560 --> 00:15:02,642
What do you guys
think about that?

338
00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:05,841
Absolutely not. No.
Major mistake, Bradley.

339
00:15:06,040 --> 00:15:08,646
Dana would not like that.
Think about the kids.

340
00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:10,925
You guys, look!
It's Miranda!
(GASPS)

341
00:15:11,040 --> 00:15:12,371
<i>Am I really on with
the Miranda Collins?</i>

342
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:15,330
<i>Am I really on with
the Edith from Waukesha?</i>

343
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:16,481
<i>Go ahead, Edith.</i>

344
00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:19,171
EDITH: <i>Could I see</i>
<i>the bracelet a bit</i>
<i>closer, please?</i>

345
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:22,400
My pleasure.

346
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:26,604
How's that, Edith?

347
00:15:26,680 --> 00:15:29,411
EDITH: <i>Ooh, that's lovely.
I'll take two.</i>

348
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:32,364
And it won't cost
you an arm and a leg.
(STUDIO AUDIENCE LAUGH)

349
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:35,050
BRADLEY: Perfect. Good.

350
00:15:35,160 --> 00:15:36,605
Nice crisp passes, guys!

351
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:39,445
My mom said
your mom was lieutenant
in the Marines

352
00:15:39,520 --> 00:15:41,124
and your dad
was a Marine, too?

353
00:15:41,200 --> 00:15:42,964
Yeah, he was
a master sergeant.

354
00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,485
BRADLEY: Come on,
we've got to hustle.

355
00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:45,846
He sure knows
how to yell.

356
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:47,968
Kick it to where
they're going to be,
not where they are

357
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,202
because they'll
be gone from there
by the time it gets there!

358
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:52,129
Leaner, come on, Rach.

359
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,645
Case in point!

360
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,604
Rachel, you've got
to hustle. Come on.

361
00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:56,806
VICKY: Hey!

362
00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,042
Thank you, Vicky.
Thank you for your help.

363
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:00,565
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
(WHISTLING)

364
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:03,041
Hey, Evelyn,
what are you doing?

365
00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,168
Are you texting?
Are you?

366
00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:07,522
Yeah, there's no
texting in soccer, okay?

367
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:10,444
I mean, there's running
and jumping, eye contact,

368
00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:11,806
laughing, there's even crying.

369
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:12,927
There's no texting.

370
00:16:13,000 --> 00:16:14,525
Please, put that away,
all right?

371
00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:16,045
Hey, hey, hey!

372
00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:18,521
(CHUCKLES)

373
00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,080
What?

374
00:16:20,160 --> 00:16:21,730
Thomas is
watching you.

375
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:25,966
Yeah, watching me
screw up, thank you.

376
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,205
BRADLEY: Back to soccer!

377
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:33,524
I guess that's
Tommy there, all right.

378
00:16:34,120 --> 00:16:35,770
Let's go!
(WHISTLES)

379
00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:37,923
(ALL CHUCKLING)
All right, go, let's go!
Come on!

380
00:16:38,920 --> 00:16:40,126
GIRL: Here we go.

381
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:41,327
Nice!

382
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,801
VICKY: Rachel's open!
BRADLEY: Chase it down,
that's it.

383
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,646
Hey, goal!
(ALL CHEERING)

384
00:16:46,720 --> 00:16:47,960
Nicely done.

385
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:51,283
Evelyn, please
text my daughter,
"Good job." Thank you.

386
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:54,042
GABI: She is online.
You ready?

387
00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:55,804
Yeah, I'm ready.
Oh.

388
00:16:56,440 --> 00:16:58,169
Take that down.

389
00:16:58,240 --> 00:16:59,685
(CHIMES)

390
00:17:02,040 --> 00:17:03,280
Hey, Ma, it's Gabi.

391
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:05,604
FLO: Can you read me?

392
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,442
GABI: <i>Not a walkie-talkie,
Mom.</i>

393
00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,686
I thought this Escape
thing is supposed to
let me see people.

394
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:12,847
I don't see diddly.

395
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:15,890
<i>It's "Skype," not "Escape."
Now just press "start video."</i>

396
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,007
FLO: <i>I did.</i>

397
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:19,367
GABI: Try again.
Click the picture
of the video camera.

398
00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:20,885
FLO: Well, I don't have
one of them.

399
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,166
GABI: <i>Yes, you do, Mom.</i>

400
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,766
FLO: No, I do not have
a damn picture of a video...

401
00:17:25,640 --> 00:17:27,688
<i>Okay, I did.</i>
GABI: Hi.

402
00:17:27,760 --> 00:17:29,728
<i>Oh, you got the crystal.
I sent it early.</i>

403
00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:31,802
<i>Didn't want to
risk it being late
for Mother's Day.</i>

404
00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:33,524
(MUTTERING) <i>I know I'd never</i>
<i>hear the end of that.</i>

405
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,086
<i>Oh, I love it.</i>

406
00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:38,210
<i>I'm not so sure about this
color-changing mumbo-jumbo.</i>

407
00:17:38,280 --> 00:17:42,205
<i>Oh, and I love that TV
shopping host, Miranda.</i>

408
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,123
<i>Do you know anybody
who knows her?</i>

409
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:46,009
<i>She's in a hotel in Atlanta.</i>

410
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:48,644
Uh, no, I don't.

411
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:51,564
But, um, there's someone
here who knows you.

412
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,525
(MOUTHING) I can't do it.
(SNAPS FINGERS)

413
00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:56,205
(MOUTHING)
You don't have to do it.
<i>Where did she go?</i>

414
00:17:56,480 --> 00:17:58,084
<i>All I see is bricks.</i>

415
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,730
<i>Hello?</i>
(SNAPS FINGERS)

416
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,643
<i>Hello?</i>
Uh...

417
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,323
<i>Hi, Mom.</i>

418
00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:06,041
Oh.

419
00:18:06,360 --> 00:18:07,521
Do I know you?

420
00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:09,890
<i>It's nice to see you, too.</i>

421
00:18:10,040 --> 00:18:12,930
Finally calling to apologize
after all this time.

422
00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:15,089
Nope, just calling to call.

423
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,084
<i>Gabi told me you're not dating
that Indian fellow anymore.</i>

424
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:19,611
<i>Finally came to your senses.</i>

425
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:22,644
<i>But I'm not going to
rub your face in it
and say, "I told you so, "</i>

426
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:24,484
<i>but I told you so.</i>

427
00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,085
Okay. Where's Dad?

428
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:30,002
He's having lunch.
(CHOMPING)

429
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:31,725
<i>Hi, Dad!</i>

430
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:33,802
<i>Oh!</i>
(CHUCKLES)

431
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,441
<i>There's my little girl,
on the TV.</i>

432
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,721
<i>I'm glad to see you
talking with your mama.</i>

433
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:42,882
'Bout time you apologized.

434
00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:44,246
<i>Well, you're
looking good, Dad.</i>

435
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:45,725
No, he thinks so.

436
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:49,482
Oh, I have to say, Jess,
you haven't aged that much.

437
00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:50,527
Thank you.

438
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:51,965
<i>How come you can't
find a successful man</i>

439
00:18:52,040 --> 00:18:54,008
<i>like your sister did,
that Steven fellow?</i>

440
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,651
I mean, believe me,
I love Gabi,

441
00:18:56,720 --> 00:18:58,961
but she looks way too
much like your father

442
00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,042
to be the one to
catch a man first.

443
00:19:01,720 --> 00:19:02,767
(SOFTLY) Thanks, Mom.

444
00:19:04,440 --> 00:19:07,649
Well, I called to say hi

445
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,484
<i>and I also called to tell you</i>

446
00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:14,600
that no matter what's
happened between us,
you're always my mother.

447
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:20,202
So, I wanted
to tell you about...

448
00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:24,284
<i>What?</i>
(DOOR CLOSES)

449
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:26,920
Hey, look, it's Mommy
and Aunt Gabi.

450
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:27,922
I've got to go.
I've got to go.

451
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,047
<i>You want to tell me
about what?</i>

452
00:19:29,120 --> 00:19:31,566
Hi, you wanna see her?
JESSE: Hi, guys. Hi.

453
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:33,205
And she's gone.

454
00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,601
Well, at least
she called you.

455
00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:37,560
Maybe she got a date.

456
00:19:37,640 --> 00:19:39,563
Hi, sweetie.
Hey, bubs.

457
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:40,687
RUSSELL: Who were you
talking to?

458
00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:41,727
Snapchatting.

459
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:43,370
Oh, what are you, 12?

460
00:19:43,440 --> 00:19:44,930
No, it's fun.

461
00:19:46,120 --> 00:19:48,646
SANDY: This is so
exciting, you guys!

462
00:19:49,440 --> 00:19:53,968
Your first sleepover
with Dad and his
new person.

463
00:19:54,480 --> 00:19:56,005
What do you want
us to call her?

464
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,844
Do you want us to
call her "Mom," too?

465
00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,490
No, absolutely not.

466
00:19:59,560 --> 00:20:01,801
You just call her
what comes naturally,

467
00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:04,127
but I would say
"ma'am" is good.

468
00:20:05,400 --> 00:20:08,131
Hey!

469
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,726
What's up, boys?

470
00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:10,961
Hey, Henry.
Yeah?

471
00:20:11,040 --> 00:20:12,041
Hi, Sandy.

472
00:20:12,120 --> 00:20:13,281
Hi, Tina.

473
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:14,486
Hi, boys.

474
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,484
Hi.
Wow!

475
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:18,642
Oh, gosh,
congratulations.

476
00:20:19,160 --> 00:20:21,162
Thank you.
Isn't it so exciting?

477
00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:23,044
It's thrilling.

478
00:20:23,120 --> 00:20:25,168
I thought you'd
moved back to LA.

479
00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:26,207
Yeah, just
for a minute.

480
00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,560
Ah.
People said
I should model.

481
00:20:27,640 --> 00:20:29,324
Yeah.

482
00:20:29,440 --> 00:20:31,568
But somebody
convinced me
to move back here.

483
00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:32,687
(CHUCKLES)

484
00:20:32,760 --> 00:20:34,410
Boys, I made cookies.

485
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,643
For Peter, guitars,
and for Mikey, baseballs.

486
00:20:37,760 --> 00:20:39,524
Thanks.
Oh. Thanks, Tina.

487
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:40,761
These are great.

488
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,205
Yeah, come on inside.

489
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:43,805
Okay, bye, guys.

490
00:20:43,880 --> 00:20:45,120
Have fun.
PETER: See you tomorrow.

491
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,725
Bye, Sandy.
Oh, um...

492
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:48,808
Tweet at me
if you want to
check in or anything,

493
00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:50,291
or check my Instagram.

494
00:20:50,360 --> 00:20:52,089
I'll post some photos
when I get some cute ones.

495
00:20:52,160 --> 00:20:54,322
Yeah, that's exciting.
Okay.

496
00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,363
(SOFTLY) "Tweet at me."

497
00:21:02,520 --> 00:21:04,921
She just... Did she
just say, "Tweet at me"?
Did she?

498
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,240
I think she just said,
"Tweet me."

499
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:08,004
I didn't hear that.
Oh, Henry.

500
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,283
Oh, come on.
I knew she was younger, but...

501
00:21:10,360 --> 00:21:11,646
She's almost 30.

502
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:14,081
(SCOFFS)
"She's almost 30"?
In a few years.

503
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:15,321
My God.

504
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,084
And what is she wearing?

505
00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:18,771
Uh...

506
00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:20,604
What do you
want me to do?

507
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,409
Ask her to dress
more dowdy?

508
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:26,530
No, just tell her to dress,
put on a pair of pants.

509
00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:28,807
That's not appropriate
for those kids.

510
00:21:28,880 --> 00:21:30,450
You can see
everything's popping out.

511
00:21:30,520 --> 00:21:32,124
Speaking of the kids.
What?

512
00:21:32,200 --> 00:21:33,281
Mother's Day.

513
00:21:33,360 --> 00:21:35,283
What about Mother's Day?

514
00:21:35,360 --> 00:21:39,285
I was wondering if we
could take the kids
for half the day

515
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,448
since Tina is
now technically...

516
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:42,681
Oh, stop.

517
00:21:42,760 --> 00:21:45,604
No, no, no,
don't even say it, no.

518
00:21:45,680 --> 00:21:47,250
You know what I mean.
No, no, no, no.

519
00:21:47,320 --> 00:21:48,731
You got married
five seconds ago.

520
00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,121
Can you just...
Can we just slow
this down a little bit?

521
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,440
You're angry.
It's all right.

522
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:54,727
Well, at least consider
it for the boys' sake.

523
00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:56,484
I just did.
Okay.

524
00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:57,561
(STUTTERS) You can...

525
00:21:57,640 --> 00:22:00,849
She can have Flag Day,
Groundhog Day,

526
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:02,922
any of those days,
Father's Day.

527
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:05,204
Well, I was just asking.

528
00:22:05,280 --> 00:22:06,770
Yeah, I know,
and you did.

529
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:08,171
Unbelievable.

530
00:22:08,880 --> 00:22:09,881
(DOOR CLOSES)

531
00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:19,329
I'm sorry to interrupt
your spa,

532
00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:23,081
but Miranda's agent,
Lance Wallace, wants
to see you right away.

533
00:22:24,120 --> 00:22:25,884
Lance, I'm here.
I'm here.
Okay, okay.

534
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,849
Miranda okays
the book-signing poster,

535
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:29,763
and the essay
winners are ready.

536
00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:32,002
All right, now
she wants to know
some interior designers.

537
00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:33,610
She hates the look
of the show.

538
00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,570
Well, we've gotten
a few requests from
some designers.

539
00:22:36,640 --> 00:22:37,721
But this one
I liked the best.

540
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:40,161
Her name is
Sandy Newhouse.
All right, why?

541
00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:41,526
She lives in Atlanta.

542
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:44,080
She's designed living rooms,
upscale restaurants,

543
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:45,286
and a five-star hotel lobby.

544
00:22:45,360 --> 00:22:47,328
All right, well,
she looks smiley
and happy.

545
00:22:47,400 --> 00:22:49,289
Make sure she meets
Miranda before
we check out.

546
00:22:49,360 --> 00:22:51,044
Okay, and make-up...
Goal!

547
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:52,804
Hey, hey, hey!
(WHISTLES)

548
00:22:52,960 --> 00:22:54,371
Hey, wait a minute.
Hey!

549
00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:55,971
Hey there, Messi!

550
00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,849
This is not a stadium,
it's a lobby!

551
00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:58,887
No, no, no.
A lobby.

552
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,531
These are the kids
of the big shot
HSN executive.

553
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:03,284
We're entertaining
them this week.

554
00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:05,324
Hey, mister,
can I have my ball back?

555
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:08,570
There we go.
All right! Soccer rules!

556
00:23:08,640 --> 00:23:09,766
LANCE: (CHUCKLES)
Soccer rules!

557
00:23:09,840 --> 00:23:11,490
Are they gonna
be with us all week,
those kids?

558
00:23:11,560 --> 00:23:12,925
Yes, they are.

559
00:23:13,160 --> 00:23:14,161
(MUSIC PLAYING)

560
00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,528
(SINGING)
<i>Doin' it all for my baby</i>

561
00:23:21,240 --> 00:23:24,050
<i>'Cause he's as
fine as he can be</i>

562
00:23:24,120 --> 00:23:25,724
(WHISPERING)
<i>Not him, it's you.</i>

563
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:27,251
RACHEL: Dad, dinner's ready.

564
00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:30,449
<i>Doin' it all for my baby</i>

565
00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:34,209
<i>For everything
he does for me</i>

566
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:37,568
(LAUGHS)
<i>I'm doin' it,</i>
<i>doin' it, doin' it</i>

567
00:23:37,640 --> 00:23:38,926
<i>Doin' it, doin' it, yeah</i>

568
00:23:39,000 --> 00:23:41,082
<i>Doin' it, doin'</i> it...

569
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,525
Mom loved karaoke.

570
00:23:42,680 --> 00:23:44,284
(APPLAUSE AND CHEERS ON TV)

571
00:23:44,640 --> 00:23:45,687
Remember?

572
00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:47,808
Oh, yes, I certainly do.
(PAUSES VIDEO)

573
00:23:48,120 --> 00:23:50,282
RACHEL: Come on,
let's eat, Dad. Come on.

574
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:51,600
Let's go.

575
00:23:51,680 --> 00:23:52,841
Come on!

576
00:23:52,920 --> 00:23:54,843
Okay. Okay.
What are you doing?

577
00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,647
<i>This karaoke video is
just for you, Bradley.</i>

578
00:24:03,560 --> 00:24:06,848
<i>And to my chubbos back home,
Rachel and Vicky.</i>

579
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:09,409
<i>I love you so much.</i>

580
00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,604
<i>I'll be home</i>
<i>before you know it.</i>
(CHUCKLES)

581
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:16,685
<i>Love you.</i>

582
00:24:16,760 --> 00:24:18,091
<i>Love you guys.</i>

583
00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:21,730
Yeah, could you go
to the supermarket
for me, please?

584
00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:25,171
Yeah, yeah, of course.

585
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:27,925
I can, uh...
Yeah, what, uh...

586
00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:30,800
What do we need?

587
00:24:30,880 --> 00:24:32,962
Uh, we need juice, eggs...
Uh-huh.

588
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,405
Eggs.

589
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:36,882
Bread, of course.
Yup.

590
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:40,169
Um, we need bananas
and tampons.
Mmm-hmm.

591
00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:41,366
Yeah.

592
00:24:42,960 --> 00:24:44,610
Uh... Um...

593
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:46,320
What was that?

594
00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:47,401
Tampons.

595
00:24:47,480 --> 00:24:49,721
Maybe that's something
that can wait, you think?

596
00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,042
Uh... No.

597
00:24:52,120 --> 00:24:53,326
I'm just going
to write "T."

598
00:24:53,400 --> 00:24:54,481
I'll know what
that means.

599
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:55,527
Okay, good.
Mmm-hmm.

600
00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:57,090
Okay, there you go.

601
00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,329
Oh, I miss you guys so much.

602
00:24:59,400 --> 00:25:01,721
PETER: <i>Mom, we just saw you,
like, two hours ago.</i>

603
00:25:01,800 --> 00:25:03,723
I know, I know,
but I love you,

604
00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:05,928
and I miss you
when you're not here.

605
00:25:06,800 --> 00:25:10,247
So... Hey, are you guys
sure you want to stay
at Daddy's tonight

606
00:25:10,360 --> 00:25:12,362
because I could...
<i>Bye, Mom.</i>

607
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:13,726
Okay, bye.

608
00:25:14,800 --> 00:25:16,609
Me, too, I'm in.

609
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:20,844
All in.
ALL: One, two, three!

610
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:22,331
Oh, my gosh.
(GROANS)

611
00:25:22,400 --> 00:25:24,368
Oh, I won again.
No way.

612
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:28,361
(SIGHS)

613
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:37,202
<i>So, Mother's Day is coming
and I will be spending it
with my mother.</i>

614
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:39,726
<i>I brought her out
with my most recent boyfriend</i>

615
00:25:39,800 --> 00:25:41,131
<i>and he leaves
for the bathroom,</i>

616
00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,043
<i>not even out of earshot,
and she's like,</i>

617
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:44,201
<i>"Well, he's
all right, I guess,</i>

618
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:46,009
<i>"but is that the nose
you want to see on
your little girl?"</i>

619
00:25:46,120 --> 00:25:47,963
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
(BELL RINGS)

620
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:49,201
<i>That's my time.</i>

621
00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:51,362
<i>Thank you so much, everyone.</i>

622
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,886
JACKIE: <i>That was
Genevieve Joy.</i>

623
00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:56,247
<i>Once again,
ladies and gentlemen,</i>

624
00:25:56,320 --> 00:25:58,402
<i>welcome to the
Buckhead Comedy Contest</i>

625
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,404
<i>with your host,
former used car legend</i>

626
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:05,764
<i>and now comedy club owner,</i>
<i>Mr. Wally Burn.</i>
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

627
00:26:05,840 --> 00:26:07,569
<i>Thank you, thank you.</i>

628
00:26:07,640 --> 00:26:09,404
<i>All right, this next guy
coming out,</i>

629
00:26:09,480 --> 00:26:12,051
<i>he's a guy from
the island across the pond</i>

630
00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:16,722
<i>that gave us colonialism,</i>
<i>Hugh Grant and the plague.</i>
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

631
00:26:16,800 --> 00:26:20,168
<i>Please put your hands
together for Zack Zim.</i>

632
00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,881
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
<i>Zack Zim, have fun!</i>

633
00:26:27,320 --> 00:26:31,166
<i>Good evening, hey, I'm Zack,
originally from Britain,</i>

634
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:34,608
<i>now living out here
in Atlanta, Georgia,
with my girlfriend,</i>

635
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:37,485
<i>my girlfriend who</i>
<i>recently had a baby.</i>
(SCATTERED APPLAUSE)

636
00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:39,562
<i>No, uh, don't applaud.</i>

637
00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:41,529
<i>Um, it's not mine.</i>
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

638
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,927
(MAN SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
<i>No, she is, I hope.</i>

639
00:26:45,200 --> 00:26:47,680
<i>She's amazing.
My girlfriend is American,</i>

640
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:51,048
<i>but she is desperate
for our child to have
a British accent.</i>

641
00:26:51,240 --> 00:26:53,925
<i>That's all she wants.
She won't talk to
our child, seriously.</i>

642
00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,650
<i>I have to read to
Katie every night.</i>

643
00:26:55,720 --> 00:26:57,563
<i>All the other kids</i>
<i>are watching</i> Sesame Street.

644
00:26:57,640 --> 00:27:00,007
<i>Our baby is sat down</i>
<i>in front of</i> Downton Abbey.

645
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:01,081
(ALL LAUGHING)

646
00:27:01,200 --> 00:27:03,931
<i>You notice I say
"girlfriend," five years,</i>

647
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:07,209
<i>we're still not married,</i>
<i>and, boy, have I asked.</i>
(CHUCKLES)

648
00:27:07,280 --> 00:27:09,282
<i>It was a struggle enough
to get her to update</i>

649
00:27:09,360 --> 00:27:11,044
<i>her Facebook
profile from "single."</i>

650
00:27:11,200 --> 00:27:13,851
<i>I was like, "Five years,
we have a child together.</i>

651
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:16,685
<i>"Couldn't you
at least make it,
'it's complicated'?"</i>

652
00:27:16,760 --> 00:27:18,171
<i>And it makes
it awkward, though,</i>

653
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:20,123
<i>like, how do you
introduce each other?</i>

654
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:21,605
<i>When I introduce Kristin,</i>

655
00:27:21,680 --> 00:27:23,842
<i>I introduce her as
the light of my life,</i>

656
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:27,442
<i>the song of my soul,</i>
<i>the mother of my child.</i>
AUDIENCE: Aw...

657
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,682
<i>And she introduces
me as her roommate.</i>

658
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:31,251
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

659
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:36,286
<i>And a great big happy
almost Mother's Day
to you terrific...</i>

660
00:27:37,000 --> 00:27:38,001
(CLICKS TONGUE)

661
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:39,247
Hey.

662
00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:44,087
Can we, um, just
go back to the not
married thing for a sec?

663
00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,891
Oh, Come on,
please, I am so tired.

664
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:48,166
I am so tired.

665
00:27:48,240 --> 00:27:52,370
I love you, Kristin,
and I do want to marry you.

666
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,962
But I think I don't
feel like getting
turned down anymore.

667
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:06,286
There's something
you're not telling me,
but you can.

668
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:10,447
Whatever it is,
we'll get through it,
if we're committed.

669
00:28:11,240 --> 00:28:12,685
I don't know.

670
00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:14,965
Zack, I just...

671
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:18,647
(STUTTERS)
I don't know. Um...

672
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:22,408
I don't know either.
(EXHALES)

673
00:28:23,560 --> 00:28:26,962
So, do you
want to take a break?

674
00:28:27,960 --> 00:28:31,043
What? No, never.

675
00:28:31,120 --> 00:28:34,806
I just... I need
a little bit more time.

676
00:28:36,040 --> 00:28:37,644
I won't wait forever.

677
00:28:44,080 --> 00:28:45,764
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

678
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:51,161
(GIBBERISH)

679
00:28:51,320 --> 00:28:52,810
I know,
I'll take it.

680
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,723
I'll take it.
Can I have a kiss, too?

681
00:28:55,800 --> 00:28:56,961
Mama wants a kiss.

682
00:28:57,520 --> 00:28:58,851
Oh, thank you.
Mama kiss.

683
00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:01,563
BABY: Mama kiss.
JESSE: Mama kiss.

684
00:29:01,640 --> 00:29:02,687
Sandy?

685
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:04,165
Hi.
Hi.

686
00:29:04,360 --> 00:29:05,521
Hey!

687
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:07,523
Hi, hi, hi.
Hi, hello.

688
00:29:07,680 --> 00:29:09,409
This is my friend Kristin.

689
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:10,606
Hey, Kristin.

690
00:29:10,680 --> 00:29:11,647
That's her
little one, Katie.

691
00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:13,210
JESSE: Kristin and I met
at Mommy and Me.

692
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:14,281
SANDY: Oh, sweet.

693
00:29:14,360 --> 00:29:15,361
JESSE: So, how'd it go?

694
00:29:15,680 --> 00:29:17,648
I got the interview.
Great.

695
00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:19,563
I don't know
what's going to happen,
but, you know,

696
00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,404
at least I... I'm just
hoping to have something

697
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,130
to keep my mind
off of all of the...

698
00:29:23,240 --> 00:29:24,605
JESSE: Yeah.
SANDY: You know.

699
00:29:24,680 --> 00:29:27,524
So, Sandy's ex-husband
just got remarried...

700
00:29:27,600 --> 00:29:29,125
Oh...
...to, like, a 12-year-old.

701
00:29:29,200 --> 00:29:30,440
Oh!
Yeah. So...

702
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:31,521
(ALL CHUCKLING)

703
00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:33,568
Well, I was actually
going to say carpooling
and bagging lunches,

704
00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:35,603
but, you know, or that.
JESSE: Okay, I'm sorry!

705
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:37,125
I'd like to get my
mind off of that.
(CHUCKLES)

706
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:38,326
I'm sorry.
(LAUGHS)

707
00:29:38,400 --> 00:29:39,447
I'm sorry!
No, it was just,

708
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,851
we were on the topic
of marriage

709
00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:44,726
and she's got
cold feet, which is...
Oh...

710
00:29:44,840 --> 00:29:46,604
I get that.
I get that.

711
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:48,330
So, that's what's
happening here.
(BABY MUMBLING)

712
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:49,640
Yeah.
Hi!

713
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,643
JESSE: Yeah, we get it.
SANDY: But you know what?

714
00:29:51,720 --> 00:29:54,326
You don't know
until you give it a shot
is the truth, right?

715
00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:55,401
Yeah.

716
00:29:55,560 --> 00:30:00,805
Really? Were you,
like, sure?
Uh-uh.

717
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:02,370
Are you ever sure?

718
00:30:02,440 --> 00:30:03,487
JESSE: I was sure.

719
00:30:03,560 --> 00:30:05,289
You were sure?
You were totally sure?

720
00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,840
100%, going Indian
all the way.

721
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,404
Huh. I mean, I was 100%
certain I wanted kids.

722
00:30:12,520 --> 00:30:14,284
Yeah, well,
that, of course.

723
00:30:14,400 --> 00:30:17,802
I mean, I can't imagine...
Just the other stuff
I don't know about.

724
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:19,160
Well, that's you guys.

725
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,846
I'm not the best person
to be giving marital advice.

726
00:30:21,920 --> 00:30:23,888
KRISTIN: (LAUGHS) No, no,
I do need to hear

727
00:30:23,960 --> 00:30:26,122
because it's the
divorce thing
that scares me,

728
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:29,522
because I don't know
what that would be
like for her and...

729
00:30:29,760 --> 00:30:32,604
You don't go into
a marriage thinking you're
going to get a divorce.

730
00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:34,889
(CHUCKLES) Obviously.
SANDY: Nobody does.

731
00:30:35,120 --> 00:30:37,248
You know,
life happens
and if it does,

732
00:30:37,360 --> 00:30:40,011
then you've got a lot
more closet space...

733
00:30:40,080 --> 00:30:41,047
Yeah.

734
00:30:41,120 --> 00:30:44,090
Extra sink, no snoring,
you know, a lot of positives.

735
00:30:44,200 --> 00:30:45,201
(LAUGHS) Yeah.

736
00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:47,607
You're really just
doing what's best
for the kids, right?

737
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:49,563
And yourself, but the kids.

738
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:52,042
By the way,
your child is
eating sand, if you...

739
00:30:52,200 --> 00:30:53,690
JESSE: Tanner, don't eat that.

740
00:30:53,760 --> 00:30:54,886
There's cat poop in it.

741
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:56,041
(SHUDDERS)

742
00:30:56,120 --> 00:30:57,087
That's so gross.

743
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:58,810
What if there is cat poop...
No, he's fine.

744
00:30:58,960 --> 00:30:59,927
They survive...

745
00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:01,923
Cat poop.
...and then they grow
up to be just like us.

746
00:31:02,000 --> 00:31:04,685
SANDY: Yeah, and they have
a very healthy immune system.

747
00:31:04,840 --> 00:31:06,490
Anyway, I'm going to
go to the kids' show.
JESSE: Okay.

748
00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:08,329
Hey, if you're going to come,
will you just text me?

749
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:09,566
KRISTIN: It was
nice meeting you.

750
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:10,761
Nice to meet you.
And I'll save you a seat?

751
00:31:10,840 --> 00:31:11,887
JESSE: Yes.

752
00:31:11,960 --> 00:31:13,200
Okay, or tweet at me.

753
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:14,725
Yeah, I'll text...
I'll tweet...

754
00:31:14,800 --> 00:31:16,404
What? Tweet you?

755
00:31:16,600 --> 00:31:18,364
Yeah, see, right?
That didn't sound right.
JESSE: Mmm-mmm.

756
00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,164
What is that?
I was just trying it out.

757
00:31:20,280 --> 00:31:21,406
Okay, bye.

758
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:25,610
Kristin, what's wrong?

759
00:31:27,080 --> 00:31:28,286
What happened?

760
00:31:28,960 --> 00:31:29,961
(SHUSHING)

761
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:33,887
Are you okay?

762
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:37,328
I love Zack,
but there's a reason
I'm afraid of marriage.

763
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:38,801
Um...

764
00:31:41,760 --> 00:31:46,846
The truth is I have no
idea who the hell I am.

765
00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:51,411
That's a big one.

766
00:31:52,840 --> 00:31:54,365
I was adopted.

767
00:31:54,440 --> 00:31:55,521
Oh, okay.

768
00:31:55,920 --> 00:31:59,003
And I never met my
biological mother.

769
00:31:59,080 --> 00:32:00,525
You never
told me that.

770
00:32:00,600 --> 00:32:03,809
Never told anyone
that, only Zack.

771
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:10,288
And I've always wondered,
did she just throw me away?

772
00:32:10,600 --> 00:32:14,366
Or, you know,
was there a reason
she got rid of me?

773
00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:17,682
Aw.
I have abandonment issues.

774
00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:22,601
Honey, I'm sure
you have
a million questions,

775
00:32:23,000 --> 00:32:25,128
but then you know
what you have to do.

776
00:32:25,200 --> 00:32:26,531
You have to
find your mother.

777
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:28,364
I already did.

778
00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:30,450
Then I'm missing
the point.

779
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,522
I've no...
What do you mean?

780
00:32:32,600 --> 00:32:34,807
(CHUCKLES) I mean,
I have her address,

781
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:38,362
I just haven't had
the courage to contact her.

782
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:39,970
I'm really scared.

783
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:41,883
God, of course. That's...

784
00:32:43,360 --> 00:32:45,408
Who wouldn't be?
I mean, that's crazy.

785
00:32:45,480 --> 00:32:47,881
You don't even
know what she's
going to be like.

786
00:32:48,160 --> 00:32:49,650
You don't even
know your mother

787
00:32:49,720 --> 00:32:51,404
and she has this
power over you.

788
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,251
You're going to
have to face it
sooner or later.

789
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:55,560
You can do it.
(SIGHS) Really?

790
00:32:55,640 --> 00:32:56,801
Yes, you should
just do it.
Yeah.

791
00:32:56,880 --> 00:32:58,848
You're right,
you're right,
you're right.

792
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:00,922
Okay.
Yeah, and get it over with.

793
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,408
You're, you know...
I mean, now you'll face it.

794
00:33:04,960 --> 00:33:07,327
Yeah, I'm going to do it.
You're right,
you're right, you're right.

795
00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:09,482
I'm going to do it. I got it.

796
00:33:09,560 --> 00:33:10,925
You will have it.

797
00:33:11,000 --> 00:33:12,206
(CHUCKLES) Thanks, Jess.

798
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:13,406
<i>Hi, I'm Bobby Lee,</i>

799
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:16,962
<i>principal here
at Millard Fillmore
Middle School.</i>

800
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:18,769
<i>And we're really
excited about this show.</i>

801
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:19,841
<i>We're gonna start
in a few minutes.</i>

802
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:21,604
<i>The kids are very excited</i>
<i>and later,</i>
<i>we're going to</i> be...

803
00:33:21,680 --> 00:33:22,841
Sandy, hi.

804
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:25,491
<i>...featuring
the Fillmore band in concert.
How about that?</i>

805
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:26,607
What are you doing here?

806
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:29,160
I didn't think
you'd mind. Here.

807
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:30,571
I kind of mind.

808
00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:31,920
I had to hear Peter's riff.

809
00:33:32,000 --> 00:33:33,240
We were up late last
night working on it.

810
00:33:33,400 --> 00:33:34,811
SANDY: You were
working on Peter's riff?

811
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:36,843
TINA: Yeah, I was
in an all-girl band
in high school.

812
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:38,968
My gosh,
Peter's gotten so good.

813
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:40,644
You know, we just want
to encourage his music,

814
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,485
so we're taking
the boys to the Foo Fighters
concert this weekend. But...

815
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:44,840
What?
Don't say
anything to Peter.

816
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:46,371
It's a surprise.

817
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:49,603
And don't even
get me started
on Dave Grohl.

818
00:33:49,720 --> 00:33:50,767
Don't tell Henry.

819
00:33:50,880 --> 00:33:54,601
Okay, Tina,
Tina, Tina,
Tina, that's it.

820
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:56,370
I'm done. I'm done
with surprises.

821
00:33:56,440 --> 00:34:00,206
I really am. This week,
enough surprises, seriously.

822
00:34:00,360 --> 00:34:01,850
Okay, is something wrong?

823
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:03,410
Yes, something is wrong.

824
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:06,729
I got here an hour early,
so I could get
a front row seat,

825
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:10,407
and have a perfect
camera angle and
watch my children.

826
00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:12,323
And now you're sitting
right here next to me.

827
00:34:12,400 --> 00:34:13,890
Because the seat was open.

828
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:18,170
It was for my purse,
my purse's seat, okay?
My purse's seat is right here.

829
00:34:20,000 --> 00:34:23,561
God, you cannot
just show up here late
and then sit there.

830
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,642
You just can't
do that. We need...

831
00:34:25,720 --> 00:34:27,085
We need boundaries.

832
00:34:27,160 --> 00:34:28,446
We need some rules, Tina.

833
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:29,641
Rules?

834
00:34:29,720 --> 00:34:31,768
Like, sitting in
an open seat?

835
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:33,928
I don't know what
the rules are yet, Tina.

836
00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:35,889
I don't know what they are,
but I just know we have them,

837
00:34:36,000 --> 00:34:37,729
and you're breaking
all of them.
Okay.

838
00:34:37,840 --> 00:34:39,251
I've just gotta get...
ANNOUNCER:
<i>Ladies and gentlemen,</i>

839
00:34:39,320 --> 00:34:41,209
(SHUSHING)
<i>Animals on Parade!</i>

840
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:46,685
(SINGING)
<i>Old MacDonald had a farm</i>
<i>Ee I ee I oh</i>

841
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:50,569
<i>And on his farm
he had a penguin...</i>

842
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,642
<i>What, why?</i>

843
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,446
<i>He also had a helper,
it seems.</i>

844
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,364
Oh, there's Mikey.
Hi, honey.

845
00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:59,211
<i>A lion! He's got</i> a...

846
00:35:00,680 --> 00:35:03,445
Oh, my God,
the costume's
on backwards.

847
00:35:03,520 --> 00:35:04,965
<i>He had a lion...</i>

848
00:35:05,120 --> 00:35:06,406
(ALL LAUGHING)

849
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:09,046
Did you do that?

850
00:35:10,040 --> 00:35:11,041
Peter.

851
00:35:11,680 --> 00:35:12,727
Don't touch it,
don't touch it.

852
00:35:12,960 --> 00:35:13,961
(GASPS)

853
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:15,571
(ALL CONTINUE LAUGHING)

854
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,361
<i>Ee I ee I oh</i>

855
00:35:20,360 --> 00:35:21,521
Yeah, that's good.

856
00:35:21,640 --> 00:35:23,688
The producers
have asked to
push the crystals.

857
00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:25,205
Traffic has slowed down.

858
00:35:26,080 --> 00:35:29,801
Five, four, three, two...

859
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:32,924
Welcome back, everyone.

860
00:35:33,000 --> 00:35:34,809
All right, dads and husbands,

861
00:35:34,880 --> 00:35:38,248
take a look
at these beautiful
mood pendants.

862
00:35:38,320 --> 00:35:41,767
Mother's Day,
just a few days away,
this is your chance.

863
00:35:43,040 --> 00:35:44,690
MAN: And we're clear.

864
00:35:54,840 --> 00:35:57,650
<i>We need a price check
on organic cotton...</i>

865
00:35:58,400 --> 00:35:59,686
No, that's not necessary.

866
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:01,564
They are...
They're 9 bucks.

867
00:36:01,680 --> 00:36:03,125
They're 9 bucks each.

868
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:06,602
<i>Cancel that price
check on tampons,
the organic cotton ones.</i>

869
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:09,681
Daughter?

870
00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:13,528
Oh, uh, yeah.

871
00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:18,529
Two actually,
but only one is currently,
you know, becoming a woman.

872
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:20,481
Got you.

873
00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:24,481
Yeah, their mom
used to do this, but...

874
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:27,646
Well, I do it now.

875
00:36:28,120 --> 00:36:29,849
Same boat, two sons.

876
00:36:31,880 --> 00:36:33,609
How is that the same boat?

877
00:36:34,800 --> 00:36:38,043
(STAMMERING)
I guess just the number.

878
00:36:40,120 --> 00:36:43,408
Sorry, I don't usually
eavesdrop on
other people's carts.

879
00:36:43,480 --> 00:36:47,007
It's just... I'm Sandy,
I have two sons.

880
00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:48,881
I already said that.

881
00:36:49,640 --> 00:36:50,641
Yes, you did.

882
00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:52,768
I can take you over here.
Oh, thank you.

883
00:36:55,120 --> 00:36:58,647
Sandy, two sons, same boat.

884
00:36:58,960 --> 00:37:00,121
Oh, thank you.

885
00:37:00,200 --> 00:37:01,770
All right, well, bye.

886
00:37:01,960 --> 00:37:05,043
Yeah, it was nice meeting you,
Sandy with two sons.

887
00:37:05,160 --> 00:37:06,650
It was two, right?

888
00:37:07,240 --> 00:37:08,321
Yeah.

889
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:13,001
(PHONE RINGING)

890
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:15,210
Hey, Henry, what's up?

891
00:37:15,800 --> 00:37:18,406
Hey, are the boys'
passports up to date?

892
00:37:20,720 --> 00:37:22,802
Their passports?

893
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:25,367
I am planning our
summer vacation.

894
00:37:25,600 --> 00:37:26,647
Um...

895
00:37:27,520 --> 00:37:32,845
Okay, where are you
planning this vacation?

896
00:37:33,160 --> 00:37:35,970
We're going to Paris.
Tina's never been.

897
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:38,568
Paris, uh, France?

898
00:37:39,160 --> 00:37:40,161
Uh-huh.

899
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:41,845
SANDY: <i>Are you kidding me?</i>

900
00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:44,647
No, I'm not. Why?

901
00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:46,085
I got to go.

902
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:47,201
(STAMMERS)

903
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:48,526
Bye.

904
00:37:50,280 --> 00:37:51,361
Hello?

905
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:53,526
Hello?

906
00:37:55,680 --> 00:37:57,682
So, how'd she take it?

907
00:37:59,040 --> 00:38:00,451
Like a champ.

908
00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:05,770
Oh, you've got to
be kidding me!

909
00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:08,522
(SOBS) Paris?

910
00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:11,362
Paris, Paris, Paris!

911
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:12,641
That's...

912
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:17,250
We could not get
our shit together
for 13 years to get to Paris.

913
00:38:17,960 --> 00:38:18,961
(SANDY YELLS)

914
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:21,122
Now he's taking Tina. Tina.

915
00:38:21,200 --> 00:38:22,884
Now he's taking Tina.

916
00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:27,126
It's the only place I've
wanted to go since I was a kid
and I read <i>Madeline!</i>

917
00:38:27,400 --> 00:38:29,846
I don't even think
she knows who
the hell Madeline is!

918
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:34,046
Oh, my God,
this is not happening!

919
00:38:34,120 --> 00:38:36,009
This is not
happening! (GRUNTS)

920
00:38:37,720 --> 00:38:41,247
Oh, man, you know,
you couldn't have
taken her to London

921
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:44,403
or to fuckin'
Disneyland maybe?

922
00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:47,006
I don't know,
how about take
her to the prom?

923
00:38:47,080 --> 00:38:49,606
That's somewhere I bet
she hasn't been yet.

924
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:51,121
Jesus...

925
00:38:53,320 --> 00:38:55,721
Freaking Tina! (GRUNTING)

926
00:38:56,520 --> 00:38:57,521
(SOBS)

927
00:38:58,920 --> 00:39:00,251
I'd hate to see
her in traffic.

928
00:39:00,320 --> 00:39:01,606
Yeah. (CHUCKLES)

929
00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:07,840
BRADLEY: That's it.

930
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:09,251
That's it, go!

931
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:10,441
Over here!

932
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:12,367
BRADLEY: Cross it!

933
00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:15,603
That's it. Rachel's open.

934
00:39:15,680 --> 00:39:17,489
There you go. That's it.

935
00:39:18,000 --> 00:39:19,047
Yeah, move it!

936
00:39:19,120 --> 00:39:20,121
Hurry!

937
00:39:23,200 --> 00:39:24,611
Goal!

938
00:39:24,720 --> 00:39:26,210
(WHISTLE BLOWING)
(GIRLS CHEERING)

939
00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:31,561
Did not cross
the line! No goal!

940
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:34,524
What? What?
What are you
talking about?

941
00:39:34,640 --> 00:39:35,846
Go back to your coaching area!

942
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:37,922
No, no, no, no,
not until you
reverse that call, man.

943
00:39:38,000 --> 00:39:39,047
I'm warning you.

944
00:39:39,120 --> 00:39:41,088
Hey, you're warning me what?
Look at the crowd.

945
00:39:41,520 --> 00:39:43,204
Easy, mister.
I've got this, Lisa.

946
00:39:43,280 --> 00:39:44,361
What? There's not
many of them.

947
00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:45,487
No, no, look at them.

948
00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:47,645
Okay, you've got,
like, five dozen

949
00:39:47,720 --> 00:39:49,131
different recorded
versions of that play

950
00:39:49,240 --> 00:39:50,765
you completely
missed right there.

951
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:52,171
Why don't you
just walk over there

952
00:39:52,240 --> 00:39:53,446
and ask one of them
to replay it for you,

953
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:54,885
then you'll see you're wrong,
we'll win the game

954
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,122
and then you can stumble home
with your seeing-eye dog.

955
00:39:57,200 --> 00:39:58,611
That's it. (BLOWS WHISTLE)

956
00:39:59,000 --> 00:40:00,081
Yellow card!

957
00:40:00,160 --> 00:40:01,207
(GIRLS SIGH)

958
00:40:01,280 --> 00:40:02,691
Yellow card?
Are you...

959
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:05,045
Oh, he blew
another man's whistle.

960
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:06,571
Did you just
blow my whistle?
You're damn right.

961
00:40:06,640 --> 00:40:07,926
You do not blow
another man's whistle.

962
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:10,082
You do when he
blows the game for you!

963
00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:12,811
All right,
that's it, red card!

964
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:14,201
You're gone.

965
00:40:14,320 --> 00:40:15,970
I'm gone? Okay,
good to know.

966
00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:17,690
Okay, you know what?
I'm gone.

967
00:40:18,200 --> 00:40:20,168
Now your ball's gone.
That's what's gone, okay?

968
00:40:20,280 --> 00:40:21,327
Hey, Kimberly!

969
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:22,921
Oh, I've got to go!

970
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:25,082
You take over, okay?
JODI: Yeah, you better go.

971
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:26,650
Yeah, thank you.
If anybody's
looking for me,

972
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:29,201
I'll be out in the parking lot
calling LensCrafters,

973
00:40:29,320 --> 00:40:30,845
making that guy
an appointment!

974
00:40:31,360 --> 00:40:32,964
Baby, you better go.
You're going to get hurt.

975
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:35,245
Spare ball, please.

976
00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:36,521
Knucklehead!

977
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:46,206
All right, you're gone.

978
00:40:47,680 --> 00:40:51,048
You... A pox
upon your whistle.

979
00:40:53,000 --> 00:40:54,001
(WHISTLES)

980
00:40:54,360 --> 00:40:55,486
Play ball!

981
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:57,087
Next.

982
00:40:57,600 --> 00:41:00,683
Yeah, hi.
Could we get
a large pizza?

983
00:41:00,760 --> 00:41:02,649
What kind you want?
Cheese.

984
00:41:03,320 --> 00:41:05,561
Large cheese pizza
and three sodas to go.

985
00:41:05,680 --> 00:41:07,045
Wait over there, please.

986
00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:11,205
Where'd you hear that
"pox on my whistle"?
What's that from?

987
00:41:11,360 --> 00:41:13,283
Shakespeare.
Shakespeare, huh?

988
00:41:13,400 --> 00:41:14,606
William Shakespeare?

989
00:41:14,720 --> 00:41:16,085
No, Bob Shakespeare.

990
00:41:16,240 --> 00:41:17,287
Who else would it...

991
00:41:17,400 --> 00:41:18,890
Why are you talking
to me like this?

992
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:21,086
You, too, now?

993
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:22,806
WOMAN 1: I can't
believe we lost.

994
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:24,006
WOMAN 2: I think
that ball was deflated.

995
00:41:24,080 --> 00:41:25,127
WOMAN 1: Totally.

996
00:41:25,200 --> 00:41:26,486
Tom Brady is hot.

997
00:41:29,280 --> 00:41:31,681
Hey, want to go
get some ice cream?

998
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:33,165
As a makeup present?

999
00:41:33,280 --> 00:41:34,406
Make up for what?

1000
00:41:34,560 --> 00:41:36,483
Acting like Mopey Dick
half the time.

1001
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:37,925
I'm sorry, Mopey Dick?

1002
00:41:38,520 --> 00:41:41,490
Yeah, being sad
all the time,

1003
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:45,571
obsessing over soccer
so you can get
closer to Mom,

1004
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:49,450
watching those
videos over and over.

1005
00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:55,325
She's gone, Dad,
and we're all sad,
but for how long?

1006
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:57,727
And acting like
an asshole with that ref
doesn't help anyone.

1007
00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:58,847
Hey, watch your language.

1008
00:41:58,920 --> 00:42:00,251
You know what?
Yeah, I cuss.

1009
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,288
That's because I'm
an unsupervised teen

1010
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:04,203
and while I'm at it,
I don't mind
taking care of Vicky

1011
00:42:04,280 --> 00:42:06,089
and doing
all the housework
and the cooking.

1012
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:08,401
Dad, I'm only 16,
I have a life.

1013
00:42:08,560 --> 00:42:09,891
I know, okay?

1014
00:42:11,920 --> 00:42:13,809
Tommy's here.
I've got to go.

1015
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:16,648
Wait, where are you going?
Just stop.

1016
00:42:17,560 --> 00:42:19,403
Is this the boy
that likes you?

1017
00:42:19,480 --> 00:42:21,403
Hey, Rachel,
what are you doing?

1018
00:42:22,240 --> 00:42:23,446
Go, come on.

1019
00:42:23,560 --> 00:42:24,721
BRADLEY: Rachel,
get out of the car.

1020
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:26,887
Get out.

1021
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,008
You're going to roll
up the window on me.

1022
00:42:29,120 --> 00:42:32,522
Hey, wait until it stops
and then get out of the car.

1023
00:42:33,120 --> 00:42:34,645
Unbelievable.

1024
00:42:35,840 --> 00:42:37,126
(LAUGHTER)

1025
00:42:37,760 --> 00:42:39,922
<i>But my friend comes
to me and she goes,</i>

1026
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:44,085
<i>"Oh, my God, Mia,
I have met
the perfect guy for you."</i>

1027
00:42:44,160 --> 00:42:48,370
<i>She shows me his picture,
and this dude was
at least 75, okay?</i>

1028
00:42:50,160 --> 00:42:51,321
<i>And I am not.</i>

1029
00:42:53,000 --> 00:42:56,004
<i>And I said, "Um, his eyes
have cataracts,</i>

1030
00:42:57,520 --> 00:42:59,568
<i>"mine have hope, okay?"</i>

1031
00:42:59,840 --> 00:43:01,285
(ALL LAUGHING)

1032
00:43:04,200 --> 00:43:05,645
She is killing 'em.

1033
00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:09,084
She's also
killing the boss.

1034
00:43:36,840 --> 00:43:38,330
Oh, I'm so sorry!
Are you okay?

1035
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,129
Yes, I'm fine, I'm fine.

1036
00:43:40,200 --> 00:43:42,521
Do you know where
the pool is? I'm looking
for Miranda Collins.

1037
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:43,687
Yeah, it's right
through that door.

1038
00:43:43,720 --> 00:43:45,210
But, can I help you
with the rip?
SANDY: No, I'm...

1039
00:43:45,840 --> 00:43:47,251
Sorry, watch out behind you.
Sorry, sorry, sorry!

1040
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,203
Thank you.
You sure I can't
help with the rip?

1041
00:43:49,320 --> 00:43:50,560
I got a safety pin.

1042
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,842
No, no, thank you,
I'm late for a meeting.

1043
00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:55,009
Bigger smile.
Bigger smile, yeah.

1044
00:43:55,080 --> 00:43:57,082
There you go. Perfect.

1045
00:43:57,200 --> 00:43:58,770
Have a nice day.
Next.

1046
00:43:59,000 --> 00:43:59,967
Thank you.

1047
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:01,849
Congratulations.

1048
00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:03,843
No, no, no.
No, no, no, no! Shoot!

1049
00:44:04,280 --> 00:44:05,327
One more.

1050
00:44:05,400 --> 00:44:08,210
Ma'am, these are
contest winners.
Only they get pictures.

1051
00:44:08,280 --> 00:44:09,725
I'm not... I'm actually
not here for a picture.

1052
00:44:09,840 --> 00:44:11,126
I'm here to
show Miranda this.

1053
00:44:11,240 --> 00:44:12,287
Fine, stay here.

1054
00:44:12,400 --> 00:44:13,686
But, there's actually...
Hey, hey, hey!

1055
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:14,761
How cute.

1056
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:16,001
That's very sweet.
Miranda!

1057
00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:17,923
I'm sorry, that's...
Congratulations.

1058
00:44:18,040 --> 00:44:19,610
I'm not a contest winner.

1059
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:21,000
Then why am I
hugging you?

1060
00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:23,208
I'm sorry. I'm late.
I'm here for the interview.

1061
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:24,327
We're not doing
any press today.

1062
00:44:24,400 --> 00:44:25,447
No. I'm not
interviewing you.

1063
00:44:25,600 --> 00:44:27,011
She's interviewing me.
You need to calm down.

1064
00:44:27,080 --> 00:44:29,560
I need to calm down?
I'm not here for a photograph.

1065
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:31,165
I'm here for a job.

1066
00:44:31,240 --> 00:44:32,446
Oh, you must be Sandy.

1067
00:44:32,520 --> 00:44:33,601
Yes, I'm Sandy!

1068
00:44:33,680 --> 00:44:35,682
Yes! Well, you missed
the design meeting.

1069
00:44:35,760 --> 00:44:36,841
Miranda is a very
busy person.

1070
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:38,251
SANDY: Oh, really?
Is Miranda busy?

1071
00:44:38,800 --> 00:44:40,484
Well, I would have
been here on time

1072
00:44:40,560 --> 00:44:42,130
if my ex-husband
hadn't married a tween,

1073
00:44:42,280 --> 00:44:45,841
or if my doctor had called in
my child's asthma medication,

1074
00:44:45,920 --> 00:44:47,490
or if my mother-mobile
went faster

1075
00:44:47,560 --> 00:44:49,085
than 4 miles per
hour on the freeway.

1076
00:44:49,280 --> 00:44:52,250
But I understand it. I get it.
Her time is very valuable.

1077
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,449
And she's very busy.
My time is not.

1078
00:44:59,480 --> 00:45:01,448
My bra's on inside out.

1079
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:03,805
Would you like me
to help you with your bra?

1080
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,441
No! Uh... Thank you, though.

1081
00:45:08,000 --> 00:45:09,365
I like your blouse.

1082
00:45:10,280 --> 00:45:12,009
Thank you. I just made this.

1083
00:45:16,280 --> 00:45:17,361
PHOTOGRAPHER: Next.

1084
00:45:18,640 --> 00:45:19,926
Look at me, look right here.

1085
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:25,281
It's not a date. Oh, just...

1086
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:28,401
Great.

1087
00:45:28,480 --> 00:45:30,005
That's a waste of my time.

1088
00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:33,004
Oh, I'm Miranda.
I'm the busiest
woman in the world.

1089
00:45:33,640 --> 00:45:34,801
Where is she, Betty?

1090
00:45:34,880 --> 00:45:36,484
There she is,
talking to herself.

1091
00:45:36,800 --> 00:45:37,881
Thanks, Betty.

1092
00:45:39,320 --> 00:45:41,163
(CLEARS THROAT)
Excuse me, ma'am.

1093
00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:44,446
I'm sorry, Miss Collins
would like to see you now.

1094
00:45:45,480 --> 00:45:46,891
She would?
Yes.

1095
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:48,401
Okay.

1096
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:49,891
Oh, shoot!

1097
00:45:50,240 --> 00:45:51,241
Um...

1098
00:45:51,960 --> 00:45:53,689
One second, one second.

1099
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:57,044
Can I help you with something?

1100
00:45:57,880 --> 00:45:59,564
Watch yourself.
Don't get stuck in there now.

1101
00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:00,641
Would you...
Okay, sure.

1102
00:46:00,720 --> 00:46:01,767
I got it. I got it.
Yep.

1103
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,330
Okay?
Yes, I got it.

1104
00:46:03,400 --> 00:46:05,289
You sure you got everything?
Hello in there.

1105
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:06,407
You want this back?
No, no, no.

1106
00:46:06,480 --> 00:46:07,686
No, okay.

1107
00:46:09,560 --> 00:46:14,646
Uh, okay, so,
I was trying to create

1108
00:46:14,720 --> 00:46:17,485
a little bit more
flow and, um...

1109
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:18,561
(STAMMERS)

1110
00:46:19,680 --> 00:46:22,047
Gosh, your head just really
snapped right off there.

1111
00:46:22,120 --> 00:46:23,121
Anyhow.

1112
00:46:23,200 --> 00:46:26,044
So, that's why I kind of
rounded out these edges

1113
00:46:26,240 --> 00:46:27,571
a little bit and
opened it up.

1114
00:46:27,720 --> 00:46:28,721
And also, um...

1115
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:30,524
How long has
your son had asthma?

1116
00:46:32,720 --> 00:46:34,245
His whole life.

1117
00:46:35,040 --> 00:46:38,283
But the doctors say
that they can grow
out of it sometimes.

1118
00:46:41,160 --> 00:46:42,730
Do you have kids?
No.

1119
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:45,011
Career.
Sure.

1120
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:46,081
Keeps me busy.

1121
00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:48,727
Yeah, of course.

1122
00:46:49,600 --> 00:46:54,083
Tell me more about
this tween and
your ex-husband.

1123
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:56,489
Oh, yeah.

1124
00:46:56,560 --> 00:46:59,245
Oh, I'm sure I exaggerated
about that a little bit.

1125
00:46:59,360 --> 00:47:02,284
I'm sure she's older,
but I'll have a better idea

1126
00:47:02,400 --> 00:47:03,845
once all the acne clears up.

1127
00:47:03,920 --> 00:47:05,763
(LAUGHS)

1128
00:47:05,920 --> 00:47:07,285
You're funny.

1129
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:09,203
You have to be
more fun than she is.

1130
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:12,124
I am, I am.

1131
00:47:12,920 --> 00:47:14,968
Well, you should
hold on to that.
Yeah.

1132
00:47:16,240 --> 00:47:17,401
Yeah.

1133
00:47:18,920 --> 00:47:22,288
Okay, I feel like I should
keep pitching you my...
The set, so...

1134
00:47:22,400 --> 00:47:24,562
No, not at all.
You're hired.

1135
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:27,369
That's it?
Mmm-hmm.

1136
00:47:27,440 --> 00:47:30,205
And I dare say
with this new job,
you might be able to afford

1137
00:47:30,280 --> 00:47:31,611
a slightly faster car.

1138
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:34,846
Not a Maserati,
but slightly faster car.

1139
00:47:34,920 --> 00:47:37,366
I'm so sorry for that
explosion out there.

1140
00:47:37,440 --> 00:47:40,250
Don't be. It got our
attention, didn't it?

1141
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:42,163
Also a trait to hold on to.

1142
00:47:42,720 --> 00:47:44,404
Okay, thank you.

1143
00:47:44,480 --> 00:47:47,768
(WHISPERS) I'll hold on to
that, and I'm funny...
I've a lot to hold on to.

1144
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:50,320
I know that you're
very busy, Miranda, so...

1145
00:47:50,440 --> 00:47:52,010
One last thing.

1146
00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:54,851
There is one final
souvenir to give away,

1147
00:47:54,960 --> 00:47:57,645
though you were not
an essay-contest winner.

1148
00:47:58,960 --> 00:48:02,009
Thank you.
100% gold-plated
hypoallergenic bangle.

1149
00:48:02,120 --> 00:48:03,121
Oh.
Just for you.

1150
00:48:03,480 --> 00:48:06,165
Oh, my gosh.
This has been a great day.

1151
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:07,321
(CHUCKLES)

1152
00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:12,491
Jess, our blender's broken.
We're using yours.

1153
00:48:12,600 --> 00:48:13,726
Okay.
Hey.

1154
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:14,801
Hi.

1155
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:16,120
Where's Russell and the kids?

1156
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:19,488
Oh, they're out in
the garage popping
the bubble wrap on the float.

1157
00:48:20,040 --> 00:48:21,405
(SKYPE CALL TUNE PLAYING)

1158
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:24,490
It's them. You answer it.

1159
00:48:24,600 --> 00:48:25,567
It's your Skype.

1160
00:48:25,640 --> 00:48:26,687
It's your parents.

1161
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:28,091
GABI: Your parents, too.

1162
00:48:28,160 --> 00:48:29,241
You know what?

1163
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,085
This is something
that I can do for you,
is answer and talk to them.

1164
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:33,924
Thank you.
But I'd rather do this.

1165
00:48:34,000 --> 00:48:35,081
(SCREAMS)

1166
00:48:35,160 --> 00:48:37,083
Oh, my God.
(LAUGHING)

1167
00:48:37,880 --> 00:48:39,120
Dad.

1168
00:48:39,680 --> 00:48:40,681
EARL: <i>Hi, Jess.</i>

1169
00:48:40,800 --> 00:48:44,122
<i>I want to talk to you
about a Mother's Day
present for my old lady.</i>

1170
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:45,321
Uh...

1171
00:48:45,880 --> 00:48:49,282
The old lady,
meaning my mother?

1172
00:48:49,360 --> 00:48:52,364
<i>Yeah, I've got the greatest
idea in the world.</i>

1173
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:53,441
Okay.

1174
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:57,127
<i>A present that's
going to knock your mama
plum out of her panties.</i>

1175
00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:58,201
Whoo!

1176
00:48:58,560 --> 00:49:01,643
Dad, that is a really
interesting visual.

1177
00:49:01,720 --> 00:49:03,563
FLO: <i>What are you
guys talking about?</i>

1178
00:49:03,680 --> 00:49:06,604
Mom, I thought...
Dad, I thought you wanted
it to be a surprise?

1179
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:08,364
<i>Oh, it will be.</i>

1180
00:49:08,480 --> 00:49:10,209
(DOORBELL RINGS)
Come in, door's open.

1181
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:12,241
Hello?

1182
00:49:13,480 --> 00:49:14,891
Hello? Dad?

1183
00:49:15,320 --> 00:49:16,481
Surprise!
(SCREAMS)

1184
00:49:17,520 --> 00:49:19,727
Oh, my God!
That was... What?

1185
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,045
What?

1186
00:49:22,160 --> 00:49:23,321
(INDISTINCT)

1187
00:49:24,240 --> 00:49:27,847
Yes, you have that here now.

1188
00:49:27,920 --> 00:49:29,888
That's crazy.

1189
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:32,001
Gabi!

1190
00:49:32,320 --> 00:49:33,606
(INDISTINCT)

1191
00:49:33,720 --> 00:49:35,051
Gabi!

1192
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:36,925
Oh, it's you guys.

1193
00:49:37,000 --> 00:49:38,206
Yeah, it is!

1194
00:49:39,680 --> 00:49:41,170
Oh, sweetheart.

1195
00:49:41,240 --> 00:49:42,810
JESSE: Gabi, you're not
going to believe it.

1196
00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:45,850
You guys are
supposed to be in Texas.

1197
00:49:45,960 --> 00:49:47,200
I lied.

1198
00:49:47,680 --> 00:49:49,967
We've been driving
20 hours straight.

1199
00:49:50,080 --> 00:49:52,811
I thought with us making up
on the Skype and all

1200
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:54,001
and Gabi's engagement,

1201
00:49:54,080 --> 00:49:57,766
what a great
Mother's Day surprise,

1202
00:49:57,880 --> 00:49:59,450
a couple of days early.

1203
00:49:59,600 --> 00:50:00,681
Mom, Dad!

1204
00:50:00,760 --> 00:50:02,967
What are you guys doing here?

1205
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:04,361
Yay!

1206
00:50:05,160 --> 00:50:06,605
Oh!

1207
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:08,847
Hi, Daddy.

1208
00:50:08,920 --> 00:50:10,365
Hi, sweetheart.

1209
00:50:10,440 --> 00:50:12,761
Hey, listen. Uh, where's
the little ladies' room?

1210
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:14,530
Down the hall.
EARL: I'll be right back.

1211
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:16,090
FLO: I just can't
take him anywhere.

1212
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:17,770
Oh...
Oh!

1213
00:50:17,840 --> 00:50:21,367
Well, I'll say,
this is some kind of <i>casa.</i>

1214
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:23,205
Thank you.

1215
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:25,044
That's not good.
It's not good.

1216
00:50:25,120 --> 00:50:26,884
You need to call Russell.
Text Russell right now.

1217
00:50:27,000 --> 00:50:28,047
Okay.

1218
00:50:28,120 --> 00:50:29,087
Text Russell, tell him
don't leave the garage

1219
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:30,525
and don't let the kids
get out of the garage.

1220
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:31,647
Just stay in the garage.

1221
00:50:31,960 --> 00:50:33,962
Oh, look at that picture.

1222
00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:35,127
I don't like it.

1223
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:37,805
I don't live here.

1224
00:50:38,120 --> 00:50:41,761
Uh... Oh, hello there,
I'm Gabi's mom.

1225
00:50:41,840 --> 00:50:43,604
You must be Steven.

1226
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:45,601
Oh!

1227
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:46,926
(CHUCKLES)

1228
00:50:47,120 --> 00:50:48,201
I'm sorry.

1229
00:50:48,280 --> 00:50:51,602
I'm sorry, I thought
you were someone else.

1230
00:50:51,680 --> 00:50:53,011
You're Gabi's mom?

1231
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:54,531
Yes, and who are you?
Oh.

1232
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:55,641
(STUTTERS) Um, I'm...

1233
00:50:56,600 --> 00:51:01,242
I'm Max, I'm Gabi's partner.

1234
00:51:01,320 --> 00:51:05,166
In crime. This is her
partner in crime, Max.

1235
00:51:06,640 --> 00:51:09,484
Well, good as new.

1236
00:51:09,560 --> 00:51:10,561
Oh.

1237
00:51:10,640 --> 00:51:11,801
You got any beer?

1238
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:13,207
Yes.

1239
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:14,890
We could always
go out for a beer.

1240
00:51:15,240 --> 00:51:16,480
Uh, uh...

1241
00:51:16,600 --> 00:51:18,364
Hoegaarden, Stella...

1242
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:20,405
No.
Kingfisher...

1243
00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:24,166
It sounds like
the freakin' United Nations.

1244
00:51:24,720 --> 00:51:28,964
Uh, no, no, I'll import
some American brew from my RV.

1245
00:51:29,040 --> 00:51:30,166
Be right back.

1246
00:51:30,240 --> 00:51:31,480
Where is Steven?

1247
00:51:32,840 --> 00:51:33,887
BOTH: Oh.

1248
00:51:34,000 --> 00:51:35,411
Good luck.
Steven is...

1249
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:36,487
FLO: Steven.

1250
00:51:36,560 --> 00:51:37,607
The one that...

1251
00:51:37,680 --> 00:51:38,727
Gabi's fiancé.

1252
00:51:38,800 --> 00:51:41,041
I'm excited to meet
my future son-in-law.

1253
00:51:41,200 --> 00:51:42,611
Are you? Okay.

1254
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:45,809
Mom, um,
there is no Steven.

1255
00:51:45,880 --> 00:51:47,882
Max is my partner.

1256
00:51:49,640 --> 00:51:51,210
Your business partner?

1257
00:51:52,360 --> 00:51:54,886
No, um, my life partner.

1258
00:51:55,880 --> 00:51:57,450
Your li...

1259
00:51:57,880 --> 00:51:59,120
Uh, what...

1260
00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:01,043
I'm Gabi's wife.

1261
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:02,361
Huh?

1262
00:52:02,520 --> 00:52:04,682
We're wives.

1263
00:52:05,400 --> 00:52:07,562
No! No!

1264
00:52:08,880 --> 00:52:10,166
What did I miss?
Oh!

1265
00:52:10,920 --> 00:52:12,763
A heck of an episode
of <i>The Jerry Springer Show.</i>

1266
00:52:12,840 --> 00:52:14,524
Doesn't get any
better than Jerry.

1267
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:17,570
Hey, Jesse, why am I
staying in the... Oh, hello.

1268
00:52:17,680 --> 00:52:19,045
And we are back
from commercial.
Go back.

1269
00:52:20,600 --> 00:52:21,726
Are you the houseboy?

1270
00:52:22,880 --> 00:52:24,644
No, who the hell are you?

1271
00:52:24,720 --> 00:52:26,165
Well, I'm Jesse's father.

1272
00:52:26,240 --> 00:52:27,321
Okay, that's not funny, pal,

1273
00:52:27,400 --> 00:52:29,846
because Jesse's
father and mother

1274
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:32,400
are in a dementia
facility in Arizona, right?

1275
00:52:32,920 --> 00:52:35,366
Dementia, my butt.

1276
00:52:35,920 --> 00:52:37,251
We live in Texas.

1277
00:52:37,920 --> 00:52:39,888
You're going to tell me
that you're Jesse's mother?

1278
00:52:40,240 --> 00:52:41,287
Oh, yeah.

1279
00:52:41,400 --> 00:52:43,607
Well, who in
the Sam H. are you?

1280
00:52:43,760 --> 00:52:46,604
Well, I am Jesse's husband,
I think.

1281
00:52:46,920 --> 00:52:49,400
Are we on <i>The Jerry Springer</i>
<i>Show</i> right now?

1282
00:52:49,560 --> 00:52:51,164
Are we?
(STUTTERS) Wait, wait, wait.

1283
00:52:51,240 --> 00:52:52,685
Jesse's not married.

1284
00:52:52,760 --> 00:52:54,444
Oh, oh, yes, she is.

1285
00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:56,085
Yes, she is, to me.

1286
00:52:56,200 --> 00:52:57,247
To him.

1287
00:52:58,080 --> 00:52:59,730
Oh, holy hell.

1288
00:53:00,720 --> 00:53:02,927
You've got a towel-head
for a husband?

1289
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:04,849
I thought you
broke up with him.

1290
00:53:04,920 --> 00:53:08,367
Okay, FYI, towel-head,
super offensive. So...

1291
00:53:08,440 --> 00:53:09,930
It's very offensive.

1292
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:13,285
You got married and
you didn't tell us?

1293
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,767
So is Gabi and
to a gay person.

1294
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:18,480
What?
Mom, I'm a gay person.

1295
00:53:18,560 --> 00:53:19,891
She is a gay person.

1296
00:53:19,960 --> 00:53:21,849
Sweet jumpin' Jesus.

1297
00:53:22,120 --> 00:53:23,360
Let's go, Flo.

1298
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:25,204
There's a whole lot
of life going on here

1299
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:27,009
that has nothing
to do with us.

1300
00:53:27,120 --> 00:53:29,168
This isn't the surprise
I was looking for.

1301
00:53:29,440 --> 00:53:31,010
You'll be fine
and so will he.

1302
00:53:31,320 --> 00:53:32,526
Oh, thanks, Mom.

1303
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:34,768
Just get a divorce
before he gets you pregnant.

1304
00:53:34,840 --> 00:53:35,921
EARL: Amen.

1305
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:37,650
CHARLIE: Tanner needs you,
Uncle Russell.

1306
00:53:38,280 --> 00:53:40,487
Hey, buddy, come here.

1307
00:53:40,800 --> 00:53:42,643
(TANNER MUTTERING)

1308
00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:44,844
Who are they?

1309
00:53:44,920 --> 00:53:47,002
Uh, this is ours. Hi.

1310
00:53:47,160 --> 00:53:48,161
Tanner.

1311
00:53:48,840 --> 00:53:49,966
Can you say hi?

1312
00:53:50,600 --> 00:53:52,090
Say hi, Grandma, hi, Grandpa.

1313
00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:53,161
Yes.

1314
00:53:53,360 --> 00:53:55,362
And, uh, Charlie is my child.

1315
00:53:55,440 --> 00:53:56,805
That I adopted.

1316
00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:58,962
I came from a sperm donor.
That's right.

1317
00:53:59,040 --> 00:54:00,849
He might have
been named Steven.
Mmm-hmm.

1318
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:04,729
Those were your grandparents.
Mmm-hmm?

1319
00:54:05,000 --> 00:54:07,287
And I put on a bra for this?

1320
00:54:09,360 --> 00:54:10,646
(POPPING)

1321
00:54:12,040 --> 00:54:13,041
Oh.

1322
00:54:14,360 --> 00:54:16,328
Look, it's black.

1323
00:54:17,640 --> 00:54:19,768
Oh! Now,
that's the last straw.

1324
00:54:19,840 --> 00:54:20,887
What?

1325
00:54:20,960 --> 00:54:22,041
The tire, it's flat.
Oh.

1326
00:54:23,000 --> 00:54:24,684
Don't worry, Fluffy.

1327
00:54:24,800 --> 00:54:26,290
We'll get it fixed tomorrow.

1328
00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:28,365
The tire, maybe.

1329
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:30,126
JESSE: You don't need this.

1330
00:54:30,200 --> 00:54:34,569
Look, you told me
that your parents were
mentally incapacitated.

1331
00:54:34,680 --> 00:54:36,205
Trust me, they are.

1332
00:54:36,280 --> 00:54:39,523
Oh?
They are, and besides,
it was our first date.

1333
00:54:40,000 --> 00:54:42,162
Okay, who doesn't lie
on their first date?

1334
00:54:42,240 --> 00:54:45,323
Oh, really? Well, what about
our second date and 50th date

1335
00:54:45,400 --> 00:54:47,243
and what about the, um...

1336
00:54:47,320 --> 00:54:50,130
Hey! Oh! The time that we
had a child together?

1337
00:54:50,200 --> 00:54:53,647
Do you realize
that you lied to me
about your parents?

1338
00:54:53,720 --> 00:54:55,802
I lie to everybody
about my parents.

1339
00:54:55,880 --> 00:54:57,120
Oh, that's reassuring.

1340
00:54:57,200 --> 00:54:59,441
I lie about my horrible
life in that trailer park.

1341
00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:02,404
I was a freshman
in high school, saving
every dime that I had

1342
00:55:02,520 --> 00:55:04,522
so that I could
just get out of there.

1343
00:55:04,600 --> 00:55:07,331
No graduation,
cap, gown, on a bus.

1344
00:55:07,400 --> 00:55:09,721
Good, I get it,
you hate your parents.

1345
00:55:09,800 --> 00:55:11,131
No, I don't hate them.

1346
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:12,565
They're my parents,
so I love them, but...

1347
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:15,325
Honey, it's not...

1348
00:55:15,400 --> 00:55:17,767
It's just that they're
wrong about so much

1349
00:55:17,880 --> 00:55:20,281
and they're wrong
about how they treat people,

1350
00:55:20,400 --> 00:55:22,528
they're wrong about
how they honor
people's differences...

1351
00:55:22,600 --> 00:55:24,045
You know what's
the worst part,

1352
00:55:24,120 --> 00:55:25,929
is that you lied
to them about me.

1353
00:55:26,080 --> 00:55:29,209
(IN AN INDIAN ACCENT)
Why? Because it's so terrible
to be married to a towel-head!

1354
00:55:29,280 --> 00:55:30,327
(VOCALIZING)

1355
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:32,004
How embarrassing for you.

1356
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:34,082
Yeah, they should have
called me Dr. Towel-Head.

1357
00:55:34,160 --> 00:55:35,161
Where are you going?

1358
00:55:37,400 --> 00:55:38,401
Ready?

1359
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:41,445
(GROANING)
Good.

1360
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:43,450
(CONTINUES GROANING)

1361
00:55:44,600 --> 00:55:45,647
Okay.

1362
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:46,921
Good!

1363
00:55:47,000 --> 00:55:48,047
How'd I do?

1364
00:55:48,120 --> 00:55:50,282
Amazing. You were so good.
Yeah. Yeah.

1365
00:55:50,360 --> 00:55:51,521
It was really...
Help?

1366
00:55:51,600 --> 00:55:53,170
Oh, oh, sorry, sorry.

1367
00:55:53,280 --> 00:55:55,009
Um, I think
I'm going to go to yoga.

1368
00:55:55,120 --> 00:55:56,121
Yeah, yeah, please.

1369
00:55:56,200 --> 00:55:58,248
No, yeah,
a little safer, I guess.

1370
00:55:59,120 --> 00:56:02,442
Hey, look,
I need your guys' help.

1371
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:03,561
Oh!

1372
00:56:03,880 --> 00:56:05,609
Yeah, we've got
the perfect girl for you.

1373
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:07,045
No, no, no, not that.

1374
00:56:07,120 --> 00:56:08,770
Look, um,
I want to know everything

1375
00:56:08,840 --> 00:56:10,444
you guys know
about this Tommy kid.

1376
00:56:10,640 --> 00:56:12,961
I like his mother, Denise.
I know!

1377
00:56:13,040 --> 00:56:14,929
She's always
volunteering for school.

1378
00:56:15,000 --> 00:56:16,240
That's nice.

1379
00:56:16,320 --> 00:56:18,448
Her banana bread
is nothing to
write home about.

1380
00:56:18,560 --> 00:56:19,721
It's dry on a good day.

1381
00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:22,371
Okay, I don't need you
talking trash about
her bake sale goods.

1382
00:56:22,480 --> 00:56:25,211
Look, I want to know,
should I let her date him?

1383
00:56:25,280 --> 00:56:26,725
Do you have a choice?

1384
00:56:27,120 --> 00:56:28,281
SANDY: Where's the yoga class?

1385
00:56:28,360 --> 00:56:30,124
MAN: It's right over there.
It starts at 10:00.

1386
00:56:30,480 --> 00:56:31,686
Sorry.

1387
00:56:36,640 --> 00:56:37,801
Where's he going?

1388
00:56:41,160 --> 00:56:42,810
Hey, what are you
doing back there?

1389
00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:44,963
Uh... Just checking your form.

1390
00:56:45,040 --> 00:56:46,121
It's good. Nice job.

1391
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:47,201
LADY: Buns of steel, right?

1392
00:56:47,640 --> 00:56:50,803
No, no, no.
Yeah, I have a choice, okay?
I'm her father.

1393
00:56:50,880 --> 00:56:53,247
Hmm. If you say no,
they start rebelling,

1394
00:56:53,320 --> 00:56:55,288
start telling lies
and keeping secrets.

1395
00:56:55,360 --> 00:56:57,124
Sneaking out, running away.

1396
00:56:57,200 --> 00:57:00,807
Yeah, it could lead to meth,
prostitution and
possibly dating a drummer.

1397
00:57:00,920 --> 00:57:02,570
Okay, look, that's not
helpful right now.

1398
00:57:02,680 --> 00:57:05,763
I want to know one thing,
is he a nice boy
or not a nice boy?

1399
00:57:05,840 --> 00:57:08,161
That's it.
All redheads are nice.

1400
00:57:08,880 --> 00:57:10,564
I think he's a nice boy.
Yeah.

1401
00:57:11,440 --> 00:57:12,771
He's all right.

1402
00:57:12,840 --> 00:57:14,365
So, what about Mother's Day?

1403
00:57:15,720 --> 00:57:17,131
Uh, I'll be back.

1404
00:57:19,000 --> 00:57:20,047
KRISTIN: Sleep tight, Katie.

1405
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:24,042
All right,
finally got her down to sleep

1406
00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:26,361
just in time for
you to take her home.

1407
00:57:28,120 --> 00:57:31,886
Hello, I'm sensing
some disappointment.

1408
00:57:32,640 --> 00:57:34,927
I would have heard back
from the club by now.

1409
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:36,889
I don't get it.
I thought I killed.

1410
00:57:36,960 --> 00:57:40,282
I'm sure you murdered,
destroyed, annihilated.

1411
00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:43,491
I must have been better
than the girl with the banjo.

1412
00:57:43,560 --> 00:57:47,406
Hey, you are
the most talented
comic in this town.

1413
00:57:49,560 --> 00:57:51,483
We open in 10 minutes, people.

1414
00:57:51,560 --> 00:57:53,722
Sh... What are you, Shorty?

1415
00:57:53,800 --> 00:57:56,041
No, I'm just yelling for two.
Ah.

1416
00:57:56,960 --> 00:57:58,121
Oh, oh...

1417
00:57:58,200 --> 00:58:01,443
Um, Zack, is there
any way that you can
watch Katie tomorrow?

1418
00:58:01,560 --> 00:58:03,927
I told Val that I'd take her
to a doctor's appointment.

1419
00:58:04,080 --> 00:58:07,926
You're taking me to
my doctor's appointment. Yup.

1420
00:58:08,080 --> 00:58:09,889
A llama? I would love... Yes.

1421
00:58:09,960 --> 00:58:11,610
They would love that.

1422
00:58:11,720 --> 00:58:13,210
Okay. Oh, sorry.
You know what?
(PHONE RINGING)

1423
00:58:13,280 --> 00:58:15,931
Can I call you right back?
I have to call you right back.

1424
00:58:16,000 --> 00:58:17,081
Thank you.

1425
00:58:17,960 --> 00:58:21,407
Hey, Jesse! Honey,
I need you to come over
Saturday morning with Tanner.

1426
00:58:21,480 --> 00:58:23,528
Well, I'm having
a small party for the kids.

1427
00:58:23,600 --> 00:58:25,090
Don't you think
they would like a llama

1428
00:58:25,200 --> 00:58:26,690
way more than they'd
like the Foo Fighters?

1429
00:58:26,760 --> 00:58:27,886
I mean, come on.

1430
00:58:28,640 --> 00:58:29,971
(MOANING SOFTLY)

1431
00:58:33,520 --> 00:58:37,286
FLO: Earl, I'm looking
at the girls when
they were younger.

1432
00:58:37,440 --> 00:58:39,920
<i>Loving can hurt</i>

1433
00:58:41,600 --> 00:58:44,444
<i>Loving can hurt sometimes</i>

1434
00:58:46,160 --> 00:58:50,802
<i>But it's the only
thing that I know</i>

1435
00:58:56,240 --> 00:58:58,891
<i>We keep this love
in a photograph</i>

1436
00:59:00,640 --> 00:59:03,962
<i>We made these memories
for ourselves</i>

1437
00:59:04,040 --> 00:59:06,327
<i>Where our eyes
are never closing</i>

1438
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:08,607
<i>Hearts are never broken</i>

1439
00:59:08,680 --> 00:59:11,684
<i>Time's forever frozen still</i>

1440
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:23,811
<i>I will remember
how you kissed me</i>

1441
00:59:24,160 --> 00:59:28,245
<i>Under the lamppost
Back on 6th street</i>

1442
00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:31,324
<i>Hearing you whisper
through the phone</i>

1443
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:35,246
<i>"Wait for me
to come home"</i>

1444
00:59:37,600 --> 00:59:40,490
(CHEERFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

1445
00:59:41,400 --> 00:59:44,404
DJ: Hello, everybody!
Welcome to Sandy's party!

1446
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:45,925
All right!

1447
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:48,207
We've got Bella
the Balloon Lady,

1448
00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:50,442
we've got Marty,
the animal wrangler!

1449
00:59:50,520 --> 00:59:53,763
Hi! We've got
Pinwheel painting faces,

1450
00:59:53,840 --> 00:59:55,922
and a big slide!

1451
00:59:57,160 --> 00:59:58,571
Wow.
Hi.

1452
00:59:58,840 --> 01:00:00,001
(CHUCKLING)

1453
01:00:00,400 --> 01:00:01,765
This is something.

1454
01:00:01,840 --> 01:00:03,842
Yeah, I don't know
what happened.

1455
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:06,207
I just called to rent
Bella the Balloon Lady,

1456
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:07,486
and I just couldn't
stop saying yes.

1457
01:00:07,560 --> 01:00:08,800
No, no, I like it.

1458
01:00:08,920 --> 01:00:10,365
And then all of this.
TANNER: Can we go
see the llama?

1459
01:00:10,440 --> 01:00:12,363
Yeah, why don't you go.

1460
01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:13,771
Let me talk to Sandy.

1461
01:00:13,880 --> 01:00:15,211
Go to the petting
zoo, honey.

1462
01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:16,486
Tortoises, bunnies...

1463
01:00:16,560 --> 01:00:18,005
Come on, Tanner.

1464
01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:19,809
So, you have not
heard from Russell?
(SIGHS)

1465
01:00:19,880 --> 01:00:23,441
Not a peep, radio silence.

1466
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,042
Oh, God. I'm so sorry.

1467
01:00:26,720 --> 01:00:28,688
Well, at least you
have Tanner, you know?

1468
01:00:29,040 --> 01:00:30,041
He won't bite.

1469
01:00:30,280 --> 01:00:32,169
Of course, until the day
that you get a divorce

1470
01:00:32,240 --> 01:00:34,811
and then you have to have
that 50/50 shared custody

1471
01:00:34,880 --> 01:00:36,644
and then it's just,
like, hell.

1472
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:39,723
That's my life.
Wait a second.

1473
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:41,040
That's not your life,
that's my life.

1474
01:00:42,280 --> 01:00:43,884
Indians don't
really get divorced.

1475
01:00:46,120 --> 01:00:47,610
Tire's good.

1476
01:00:47,720 --> 01:00:49,085
I'm all packed.

1477
01:00:49,640 --> 01:00:54,487
Now, we can put
a whole lot of gone
between us and these, uh...

1478
01:00:55,560 --> 01:00:56,925
These, uh...

1479
01:00:58,440 --> 01:00:59,487
Oh!

1480
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:01,050
Hot damn!

1481
01:01:01,120 --> 01:01:02,804
FLO: What is it, Earl?

1482
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:06,083
Someone stole
my ignition fuse!

1483
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:08,402
What are we going to do now?
(EARL GROANS)

1484
01:01:08,600 --> 01:01:09,601
(GURGLES)

1485
01:01:10,720 --> 01:01:13,963
There's a Pep Boys
about a mile back.

1486
01:01:15,160 --> 01:01:17,208
I'm going to start walking.

1487
01:01:23,840 --> 01:01:25,968
(KIDS CHEERING)
Yeah!

1488
01:01:26,160 --> 01:01:27,491
Can I ride the llama?

1489
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:29,489
No.
How about the alpaca?

1490
01:01:29,600 --> 01:01:30,647
It's a fun party.

1491
01:01:30,760 --> 01:01:32,285
Can you open this, Sam?
Yeah, we can't open...

1492
01:01:32,360 --> 01:01:34,249
Sure.
(GASPS)
(POPS)

1493
01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:47,125
(KID SQUEALING)

1494
01:01:52,120 --> 01:01:53,121
(HONKS HORN)

1495
01:01:53,240 --> 01:01:54,401
Yeah, hey,
how are you doing?

1496
01:01:54,640 --> 01:01:56,927
(IN ITALIAN ACCENT)
Hey, I'm doing good.
You like some spaghetti?

1497
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:58,047
I'm good, thanks.

1498
01:02:01,360 --> 01:02:03,249
You don't like
any spaghetti.

1499
01:02:03,360 --> 01:02:04,691
Back up, Bozo.

1500
01:02:04,760 --> 01:02:06,649
Oh.
The fireworks arrived.

1501
01:02:06,720 --> 01:02:08,961
So, I'm going to
go check on Tanner.

1502
01:02:11,320 --> 01:02:13,641
Sandy, what's going on?
Yeah. Hey.

1503
01:02:14,680 --> 01:02:16,170
Oh, I so...

1504
01:02:16,240 --> 01:02:18,720
I'm so sorry.
I completely
lost track of time.

1505
01:02:18,800 --> 01:02:20,325
I'm supposed to
drop the boys off.

1506
01:02:20,480 --> 01:02:22,244
I'm so sorry.
What is all this?

1507
01:02:23,000 --> 01:02:24,968
It's a party.
For what?

1508
01:02:25,480 --> 01:02:28,802
For fun, on a Saturday...
For fun on a Saturday,

1509
01:02:28,880 --> 01:02:29,927
a party for fun
on a Saturday.

1510
01:02:30,000 --> 01:02:31,729
This is completely
unlike you.

1511
01:02:31,840 --> 01:02:33,285
What do you mean?
It feels totally like me.

1512
01:02:33,360 --> 01:02:34,930
This is completely
irresponsible.

1513
01:02:35,000 --> 01:02:37,526
Irresponsible?
I'm irresponsible?

1514
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:40,240
You can call me
a lot of things,

1515
01:02:40,360 --> 01:02:41,771
but irresponsible
is not one of them.

1516
01:02:41,840 --> 01:02:43,126
Listen to me,
when was the last time

1517
01:02:43,200 --> 01:02:44,565
you took the kids
to a dentist?

1518
01:02:46,040 --> 01:02:47,087
Huh?

1519
01:02:47,200 --> 01:02:49,043
Or to go buy them,
you know, school supplies

1520
01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:52,204
or one of the gazillion
things that I do?

1521
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:54,282
Oh, that's right.
Never.

1522
01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:59,364
You have a parental
and legal responsibility

1523
01:02:59,440 --> 01:03:02,284
to drop the kids off
at the designated time.

1524
01:03:02,360 --> 01:03:03,646
Today is Saturday.

1525
01:03:03,720 --> 01:03:05,529
We have them at noon.

1526
01:03:06,720 --> 01:03:09,724
You have them tomorrow
on Mother's Day.

1527
01:03:10,240 --> 01:03:11,844
HENRY: Let's go,
Mikey, time to go.
Do we have to?

1528
01:03:11,960 --> 01:03:14,042
Yes, now, we do.
Where's your brother?
(SQUEALING)

1529
01:03:14,120 --> 01:03:16,088
He's on the slide.
Go get your stuff.

1530
01:03:17,480 --> 01:03:19,562
Peter. Let's go.

1531
01:03:19,640 --> 01:03:20,801
Get down here
right now.

1532
01:03:20,880 --> 01:03:23,121
No way, I'm not leaving.
Mom said we can have fun.

1533
01:03:23,200 --> 01:03:25,123
I don't care
what your mom said.
I'm in charge now.

1534
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:26,884
I'm going to count to three
and then I'm coming up there,

1535
01:03:26,960 --> 01:03:28,564
one, two, three.
Here I come.

1536
01:03:28,640 --> 01:03:29,721
I'm coming up.

1537
01:03:30,080 --> 01:03:32,162
Hey. Come on,
Peter. Peter!

1538
01:03:35,240 --> 01:03:36,480
Got to catch me first.

1539
01:03:41,360 --> 01:03:42,407
Go get your stuff!

1540
01:03:44,240 --> 01:03:45,366
HENRY: Hey, get your stuff.

1541
01:03:45,440 --> 01:03:47,010
Oh, sweetie, I wouldn't
touch that if I were...
That...

1542
01:03:47,080 --> 01:03:48,491
But I like orange.

1543
01:03:48,640 --> 01:03:49,766
Damn it, Peter.

1544
01:03:49,840 --> 01:03:50,921
Hey, we've got to go.

1545
01:03:51,000 --> 01:03:53,890
Oh, well, in that case,
sure, you know, go ahead.

1546
01:03:55,760 --> 01:03:57,091
(DEFLATES)
What the...

1547
01:03:57,240 --> 01:03:58,241
Yo!

1548
01:04:01,280 --> 01:04:02,406
HENRY: Hello!

1549
01:04:02,480 --> 01:04:04,642
(GASPS)
Hey! This thing is... God.

1550
01:04:05,160 --> 01:04:06,491
(PEOPLE LAUGHING)

1551
01:04:15,520 --> 01:04:16,885
Welcome to the book
signing, everyone.

1552
01:04:16,960 --> 01:04:19,008
We're here because
there's so few
book stores left,

1553
01:04:19,080 --> 01:04:20,127
but there will
always be books.

1554
01:04:20,200 --> 01:04:21,486
(SPEAKING SPANISH)

1555
01:04:22,760 --> 01:04:24,285
Thank you very much.

1556
01:04:24,680 --> 01:04:25,761
MIRANDA: Who shall I
make it out to?

1557
01:04:25,880 --> 01:04:27,370
Rory Schroeder.

1558
01:04:27,600 --> 01:04:28,601
Rory.

1559
01:04:28,680 --> 01:04:31,047
Every piece of jewelry I own
is from your collection.

1560
01:04:31,120 --> 01:04:33,043
I love them,
and so does Jerald.

1561
01:04:33,120 --> 01:04:34,770
But they look
better on me.
(CHUCKLES)

1562
01:04:35,640 --> 01:04:36,971
Who shall I make it out to?

1563
01:04:39,040 --> 01:04:40,121
Your daughter.

1564
01:04:42,600 --> 01:04:43,726
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

1565
01:04:48,160 --> 01:04:50,322
So, tell me,
why now?

1566
01:04:52,240 --> 01:04:54,242
Well, I just thought
because she was in Atlanta,

1567
01:04:54,320 --> 01:04:56,527
it would be a good time.

1568
01:04:56,640 --> 01:04:57,641
I see.

1569
01:04:57,720 --> 01:05:00,121
You know, you're
the fourth person to say
they're her daughter.

1570
01:05:00,200 --> 01:05:03,488
Of course, after
<i>Forbes</i> listed Miranda
as the top 50

1571
01:05:03,560 --> 01:05:06,609
female entrepreneurs
in this country,
how convenient.

1572
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:09,001
I have this.

1573
01:05:13,480 --> 01:05:16,643
Anybody could have
forged this and
even if it's real,

1574
01:05:16,720 --> 01:05:18,370
you're not going to get
a dime out of her.

1575
01:05:20,880 --> 01:05:23,247
Okay, this was
a mistake. I...

1576
01:05:24,840 --> 01:05:26,046
Could you please
just let her know

1577
01:05:26,120 --> 01:05:28,964
that I never wanted
anything from her?

1578
01:05:32,000 --> 01:05:33,001
(SIGHS)

1579
01:05:37,760 --> 01:05:39,489
Well, that was historic.

1580
01:05:39,560 --> 01:05:42,370
That was a historic
disaster.

1581
01:05:42,520 --> 01:05:43,521
(CHUCKLES)

1582
01:05:44,400 --> 01:05:45,401
Oh...

1583
01:05:47,280 --> 01:05:49,760
I mean, this is
all so stupid.

1584
01:05:49,880 --> 01:05:51,484
This is so stupid.

1585
01:05:51,560 --> 01:05:53,528
Look at all this.
What am I doing?

1586
01:05:53,600 --> 01:05:55,204
I mean, you know...

1587
01:05:56,400 --> 01:05:58,323
Ugh, I feel like
such an idiot.

1588
01:05:58,400 --> 01:06:01,404
So, what I'm
basically doing is
I'm trying to compete

1589
01:06:01,560 --> 01:06:04,564
with my ex-husband
and a 20-year-old.

1590
01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:07,564
That just makes a lot
of sense, right, Jess?

1591
01:06:08,400 --> 01:06:09,845
It's stupid.

1592
01:06:09,920 --> 01:06:11,410
You know what it is?

1593
01:06:12,880 --> 01:06:15,884
I just...
I just hate feeling
so replaceable.

1594
01:06:17,720 --> 01:06:19,006
Well, sadly we all are.

1595
01:06:19,120 --> 01:06:21,600
Oh, geez, you scared
the crap out of me.

1596
01:06:22,160 --> 01:06:23,366
I mean, we're
all replaceable.

1597
01:06:23,440 --> 01:06:26,410
For every professional clown,
there's 100 hacks
with a red nose and a wig

1598
01:06:26,480 --> 01:06:27,481
waiting to do the job.

1599
01:06:28,160 --> 01:06:30,322
Yeah, I understand.
Thanks, clown.

1600
01:06:30,640 --> 01:06:31,721
Jesse?

1601
01:06:31,920 --> 01:06:34,366
There's no way
that the bond you
have with your kids

1602
01:06:34,440 --> 01:06:35,930
can ever be broken.

1603
01:06:36,000 --> 01:06:37,240
I mean, there's
no contest, right?

1604
01:06:37,320 --> 01:06:39,368
You're their mom.
Mmm-hmm.

1605
01:06:39,560 --> 01:06:40,607
Oh, let me help.

1606
01:06:41,680 --> 01:06:42,681
Oh...

1607
01:06:43,880 --> 01:06:46,087
Thank... Okay.
(CHUCKLES)

1608
01:06:48,760 --> 01:06:50,000
Yeah? See?

1609
01:06:50,080 --> 01:06:53,084
It's this, I get it,
never-ending scarf bit.

1610
01:06:53,520 --> 01:06:54,726
(LAUGHS)

1611
01:06:54,920 --> 01:06:57,002
Yeah, it's the first time
you got to use
this one today, huh?

1612
01:06:57,120 --> 01:06:58,531
(CHUCKLES)
Ah...

1613
01:06:58,600 --> 01:07:00,523
Got a smile from you.
That's great.

1614
01:07:00,600 --> 01:07:02,204
Do you mind if I rub...

1615
01:07:02,280 --> 01:07:03,691
Please.
Thank you very much.

1616
01:07:03,760 --> 01:07:05,285
It's always the traditional
things that work,

1617
01:07:05,440 --> 01:07:07,169
the bottomless
sleeve hanky,

1618
01:07:07,240 --> 01:07:09,208
the bottomless
cup of coffee,

1619
01:07:09,280 --> 01:07:11,601
the bottomless love
from a mother to her kids.

1620
01:07:12,520 --> 01:07:16,047
They know it's there.
Sometimes they just
take it for granted.

1621
01:07:16,520 --> 01:07:17,521
Yeah.

1622
01:07:17,600 --> 01:07:18,931
So what if
the other girl is 20,

1623
01:07:19,000 --> 01:07:21,287
has great skin
and probably looks
insane in a bikini?

1624
01:07:21,720 --> 01:07:23,927
Okay, that's good,
I get it.

1625
01:07:24,000 --> 01:07:25,001
Nice pep talk there, clown.

1626
01:07:25,320 --> 01:07:26,367
(CHUCKLES)

1627
01:07:26,440 --> 01:07:27,726
Thank you, clown.

1628
01:07:27,800 --> 01:07:31,247
Never thought I'd ever
hear myself say that,
but thank you, clown.

1629
01:07:31,320 --> 01:07:32,606
My pleasure.

1630
01:07:33,120 --> 01:07:34,326
(HONKS HORN)

1631
01:07:37,120 --> 01:07:38,121
Mmm.

1632
01:07:38,240 --> 01:07:40,641
A heart-to-heart with a clown.

1633
01:07:41,640 --> 01:07:43,642
There was not
a soul to see that.

1634
01:07:43,720 --> 01:07:46,326
He could have murdered me.
Okay.

1635
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:49,086
Jesse, you home?

1636
01:07:50,320 --> 01:07:52,163
Hey, I'm getting a beer!

1637
01:07:52,680 --> 01:07:54,330
(LAPTOP CHIMING)

1638
01:07:59,320 --> 01:08:01,322
<i>Hello. Who are you?</i>

1639
01:08:01,920 --> 01:08:03,365
Well, who are you?

1640
01:08:03,480 --> 01:08:05,562
<i>Sonia, mother of Russell.</i>

1641
01:08:06,400 --> 01:08:09,847
Yeah, well, I'm Florence,
mother of Jesse.

1642
01:08:10,240 --> 01:08:11,241
(GASPS)

1643
01:08:11,360 --> 01:08:14,364
<i>Florence, nice to meet you!</i>

1644
01:08:14,760 --> 01:08:16,649
(LAUGHS)

1645
01:08:16,840 --> 01:08:19,650
<i>Ugh, I heard about your
surprise drop-in.</i>

1646
01:08:19,720 --> 01:08:21,245
<i>Are you okay?</i>

1647
01:08:21,320 --> 01:08:22,685
I think so.

1648
01:08:24,440 --> 01:08:25,680
I'm not real sure.

1649
01:08:25,760 --> 01:08:26,761
<i>Are you having a beer?</i>

1650
01:08:27,280 --> 01:08:28,361
Yeah.

1651
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:29,881
<i>I think I'll join you.</i>

1652
01:08:33,920 --> 01:08:35,126
<i>To say the truth,</i>

1653
01:08:35,240 --> 01:08:37,720
<i>when Russell told me
he was in love
with a white girl,</i>

1654
01:08:37,880 --> 01:08:39,291
<i>I wanted to punch a wall.</i>

1655
01:08:39,360 --> 01:08:41,044
Well, at least
you knew about it.

1656
01:08:41,160 --> 01:08:42,286
<i>And then they eloped</i>

1657
01:08:42,360 --> 01:08:44,044
<i>and they didn't even
invite me to the wedding.</i>

1658
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:45,406
<i>They didn't even tell me.</i>

1659
01:08:45,520 --> 01:08:48,410
Yeah, well, I'm
double spitting just
thinking about it.

1660
01:08:50,360 --> 01:08:53,091
Thought I was
finished with them,
(SIGHS)

1661
01:08:53,160 --> 01:08:54,400
but they're my baby girls.

1662
01:08:55,800 --> 01:09:00,522
<i>But, Florence, have you</i>
<i>seen our grandchild?</i>
Oh...

1663
01:09:00,800 --> 01:09:03,121
I get why they
call him Tanner.

1664
01:09:03,240 --> 01:09:04,844
He's a little dark.

1665
01:09:05,560 --> 01:09:07,483
<i>I think he's a little light.</i>

1666
01:09:07,880 --> 01:09:09,484
Hey, what time
is it in India?

1667
01:09:09,560 --> 01:09:11,324
<i>India? Who knows.</i>

1668
01:09:11,400 --> 01:09:13,243
<i>I live here in Las Vegas.</i>

1669
01:09:13,320 --> 01:09:17,530
<i>No taxes, and I play
the slots anytime I want.</i>

1670
01:09:17,720 --> 01:09:19,484
Hey, smart move.

1671
01:09:19,560 --> 01:09:21,642
Plus, you can drive 20
miles in any direction

1672
01:09:21,760 --> 01:09:24,081
and find some sand
when you get homesick, right?

1673
01:09:24,240 --> 01:09:27,722
<i>I don't get that joke,
but it sounds racist,
and funny.</i>

1674
01:09:27,800 --> 01:09:29,290
(LAUGHS)

1675
01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:30,361
(FLO CHUCKLES)

1676
01:09:36,920 --> 01:09:38,046
Hi, Grandma!

1677
01:09:38,520 --> 01:09:39,726
Hey.

1678
01:09:39,800 --> 01:09:41,689
Could you watch
Tanner a minute?
I have to go pee.

1679
01:09:42,240 --> 01:09:44,004
(STAMMERS)
Thank you.

1680
01:09:47,000 --> 01:09:48,604
(DOOR CLOSES)
(SIGHS)

1681
01:10:01,840 --> 01:10:03,285
Here we go!

1682
01:10:05,120 --> 01:10:06,281
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

1683
01:10:10,040 --> 01:10:12,327
I think you look
a little like me.

1684
01:10:12,440 --> 01:10:13,601
(SPEAKS GIBBERISH)

1685
01:10:13,680 --> 01:10:14,681
Uh-huh.

1686
01:10:14,880 --> 01:10:16,370
Yes, you do.

1687
01:10:16,480 --> 01:10:18,209
I think you do.

1688
01:10:18,280 --> 01:10:21,250
You look just like
me in the summertime.

1689
01:10:26,640 --> 01:10:28,483
(WHISTLE BLARING)

1690
01:10:33,840 --> 01:10:35,171
(MUSIC PLAYING)

1691
01:10:36,960 --> 01:10:38,246
Lakens, thank you
so much for coming.

1692
01:10:38,320 --> 01:10:39,651
We'll see you next time.

1693
01:10:40,320 --> 01:10:42,163
Well, everything
looks good here.

1694
01:10:42,240 --> 01:10:44,766
Will you be joining us
for tomorrow's
Mother's Day brunch?

1695
01:10:44,840 --> 01:10:46,365
No, I'm working.
Oh...

1696
01:10:46,560 --> 01:10:47,766
Are you a mom?

1697
01:10:48,400 --> 01:10:49,447
No.

1698
01:10:50,320 --> 01:10:53,642
(CHUCKLES) I don't suppose
you'd like a complimentary
mum for Mum's Day?

1699
01:10:54,320 --> 01:10:55,401
No.

1700
01:10:56,800 --> 01:10:58,768
If you need anything,
just ask.

1701
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:04,685
I'm sorry to interrupt
your dinner, my dear.

1702
01:11:07,360 --> 01:11:08,361
(CHUCKLES)

1703
01:11:08,600 --> 01:11:10,443
Fried green tomatoes.

1704
01:11:10,840 --> 01:11:14,322
Lance, you're my
agent and I love you,
which is an oxymoron,

1705
01:11:14,400 --> 01:11:17,643
but if you are
here for some
philosophical chat,

1706
01:11:17,720 --> 01:11:20,166
short, short would
be good here.

1707
01:11:20,680 --> 01:11:24,685
Yes, you know me
as Lance Wallace,
agent to the stars.

1708
01:11:24,880 --> 01:11:26,370
You used to have
big stars.

1709
01:11:26,440 --> 01:11:27,487
(SOFTLY)
Now you just have me.

1710
01:11:28,280 --> 01:11:29,281
Mmm.

1711
01:11:29,440 --> 01:11:32,205
But you really know
I was born in the Bronx

1712
01:11:32,280 --> 01:11:34,681
and my name was
Ramone Navarro,

1713
01:11:35,360 --> 01:11:38,728
who collected
empty soda bottles
to get money to eat.

1714
01:11:40,160 --> 01:11:43,721
We are who the world
thinks we are and sometimes,
we're not.

1715
01:11:44,240 --> 01:11:46,447
We decide who we are,

1716
01:11:46,520 --> 01:11:49,524
when we want and
who we want to know.

1717
01:11:51,600 --> 01:11:53,125
Or is it whom?

1718
01:11:54,400 --> 01:11:55,731
Are you done, Ramone?

1719
01:11:57,080 --> 01:11:58,491
Just doing my job,
to make sure

1720
01:11:58,560 --> 01:12:01,643
that nothing lowers
the kilowatts on that smile.

1721
01:12:02,600 --> 01:12:03,601
Hmm.

1722
01:12:05,600 --> 01:12:08,729
Oh, you're right,
you're right, that is
the salad fork.

1723
01:12:18,520 --> 01:12:20,284
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
ZACK: Hey, change of plan.

1724
01:12:20,360 --> 01:12:21,521
I got the call.

1725
01:12:21,600 --> 01:12:22,681
One of the girls
had to pull out.

1726
01:12:22,760 --> 01:12:25,240
She got a comedy
series for NBC.

1727
01:12:25,360 --> 01:12:26,930
It'll probably
be canceled,
but anyway,

1728
01:12:27,000 --> 01:12:28,490
I'm in the final tonight.

1729
01:12:28,560 --> 01:12:29,641
Where are you?

1730
01:12:29,720 --> 01:12:31,085
I've got Katie.

1731
01:12:31,200 --> 01:12:32,281
She's fine.

1732
01:12:33,000 --> 01:12:34,001
Bye.

1733
01:12:34,120 --> 01:12:35,485
ANNOUNCER: <i>Good stuff.
Okay, next up.</i>

1734
01:12:35,640 --> 01:12:37,244
(MUSIC PLAYING)

1735
01:12:39,920 --> 01:12:42,127
Good night.

1736
01:12:44,760 --> 01:12:45,761
Oh...

1737
01:12:46,960 --> 01:12:48,883
I shouldn't be watching this.

1738
01:12:52,000 --> 01:12:53,161
Good night.

1739
01:12:53,600 --> 01:12:54,647
(SIGHS)

1740
01:12:55,440 --> 01:12:58,125
Good night.
Yeah, yeah, good night.

1741
01:13:01,800 --> 01:13:02,801
(SIGHS)

1742
01:13:08,960 --> 01:13:10,291
Good night.

1743
01:13:11,480 --> 01:13:12,481
(SQUEALS SOFTLY)

1744
01:13:16,000 --> 01:13:17,286
(CAR PASSES)
(DOOR OPENS)

1745
01:13:18,440 --> 01:13:19,441
(DOOR CLOSES)

1746
01:13:19,760 --> 01:13:20,761
I'm home.

1747
01:13:20,840 --> 01:13:22,205
Well, how...

1748
01:13:23,800 --> 01:13:25,086
Good night.

1749
01:13:26,120 --> 01:13:27,121
(SCOFFS SOFTLY)

1750
01:13:30,760 --> 01:13:32,603
You used to say good night.

1751
01:13:33,640 --> 01:13:36,484
It'd take you hours
to say good night, actually.

1752
01:13:37,840 --> 01:13:39,171
(SIGHS)

1753
01:13:39,480 --> 01:13:41,050
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

1754
01:13:41,320 --> 01:13:43,527
ZACK: Hey, honey,
where are you?

1755
01:13:43,600 --> 01:13:45,090
I'm getting worried.

1756
01:13:45,520 --> 01:13:48,444
If you're thinking
of splitting, please don't.

1757
01:13:49,200 --> 01:13:52,522
Let's just keep loving
each other and Katie.

1758
01:13:55,320 --> 01:13:56,845
I don't want to marry you.

1759
01:13:57,240 --> 01:13:59,447
<i>I mean, I do
want to marry you,</i>

1760
01:13:59,520 --> 01:14:01,682
<i>but we don't
have to get married.</i>

1761
01:14:01,760 --> 01:14:03,967
<i>If you get this,
please come to the club.</i>

1762
01:14:04,040 --> 01:14:05,371
<i>I love you.</i>

1763
01:14:07,120 --> 01:14:08,121
(BEEPS)

1764
01:14:08,200 --> 01:14:10,601
ANNOUNCER: <i>This competition
is worth $5, 000.</i>

1765
01:14:10,680 --> 01:14:13,809
Zack Zim, you're in
the finals, by default.

1766
01:14:13,880 --> 01:14:15,848
Good for you.
Aw...

1767
01:14:17,200 --> 01:14:20,249
That is the most
adorable baby
I've ever seen.

1768
01:14:20,320 --> 01:14:22,209
Would you be able
to watch her
while I do my set?

1769
01:14:22,280 --> 01:14:23,520
No.

1770
01:14:23,920 --> 01:14:26,366
<i>Welcome to the stage,
Zack Zim.</i>

1771
01:14:26,880 --> 01:14:28,962
Zack Zim, he's very...
Oh, that's you.
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

1772
01:14:29,040 --> 01:14:30,644
All right, go on
out there, kid.

1773
01:14:30,720 --> 01:14:32,210
Come on, I'm
rooting for you.
I'll be out in front.

1774
01:14:37,680 --> 01:14:39,569
Uh...
(CHUCKLES)
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

1775
01:14:39,640 --> 01:14:40,801
<i>Hello.</i>
(CHUCKLES)

1776
01:14:41,680 --> 01:14:42,681
Um...

1777
01:14:42,840 --> 01:14:44,330
<i>So, I'm Zack.</i>

1778
01:14:44,520 --> 01:14:46,568
<i>Uh, this is Katie.</i>

1779
01:14:47,400 --> 01:14:49,050
<i>Say hi.</i>
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

1780
01:14:49,720 --> 01:14:51,324
<i>She's a bit shy.</i>

1781
01:14:52,200 --> 01:14:55,727
<i>I'll just say
this from the get-go,
this wasn't planned.</i>

1782
01:14:56,760 --> 01:14:58,330
<i>Coming out here with
her wasn't planned,</i>

1783
01:14:58,400 --> 01:15:00,402
<i>not she wasn't planned,</i>
(AUDIENCE LAUGHS)

1784
01:15:00,520 --> 01:15:03,251
<i>although to be fair,
you were a little
bit of a surprise.</i>

1785
01:15:03,360 --> 01:15:04,407
<i>Didn't like that joke.</i>

1786
01:15:04,680 --> 01:15:05,920
(LAUGHTER)

1787
01:15:06,920 --> 01:15:07,921
Uh...

1788
01:15:09,240 --> 01:15:12,005
<i>So, does anyone in
here have a baby?</i>

1789
01:15:13,600 --> 01:15:15,523
<i>No, obviously you don't.</i>

1790
01:15:15,600 --> 01:15:17,443
<i>You're here having a life.</i>

1791
01:15:17,560 --> 01:15:18,891
(ALL LAUGHING)
(BABY CRYING)

1792
01:15:19,000 --> 01:15:21,287
<i>No, don't cry, stop crying.</i>

1793
01:15:22,680 --> 01:15:24,125
<i>Five grand at stake.</i>

1794
01:15:25,400 --> 01:15:27,289
<i>Mate, would you mind
holding her for a sec?</i>

1795
01:15:28,520 --> 01:15:29,601
<i>What's your name, pal?</i>

1796
01:15:29,680 --> 01:15:30,681
Tiny.

1797
01:15:30,760 --> 01:15:31,966
<i>Tiny, if you don't
mind me saying,</i>

1798
01:15:32,040 --> 01:15:34,281
<i>you look like you have
a very welcoming bosom.</i>

1799
01:15:35,240 --> 01:15:36,890
<i>May I rest my child on it?</i>

1800
01:15:36,960 --> 01:15:38,007
Sure.

1801
01:15:38,080 --> 01:15:39,047
<i>Just for a sec, thank you.</i>

1802
01:15:39,120 --> 01:15:40,246
(BABY WAILING)

1803
01:15:46,720 --> 01:15:47,801
(BABY STOPS CRYING)

1804
01:15:49,080 --> 01:15:50,286
(BABY COOING)

1805
01:15:51,280 --> 01:15:52,805
(CROWD APPLAUDING)

1806
01:15:56,280 --> 01:16:00,046
<i>I mean, I don't know
whether to be pleased
or just deeply offended.</i>

1807
01:16:00,800 --> 01:16:02,643
<i>How did you do that?</i>

1808
01:16:03,800 --> 01:16:05,882
I'm soft, like a couch.

1809
01:16:05,960 --> 01:16:08,167
<i>Please, will you
come and live with us?</i>

1810
01:16:08,240 --> 01:16:09,321
<i>I'm deadly serious.</i>

1811
01:16:09,440 --> 01:16:11,647
<i>I haven't slept in a year.</i>

1812
01:16:11,720 --> 01:16:12,801
<i>I'll take the couch.</i>

1813
01:16:12,920 --> 01:16:14,490
<i>My girlfriend's
very attractive.</i>

1814
01:16:14,640 --> 01:16:16,483
Can your girlfriend
take the couch?

1815
01:16:17,000 --> 01:16:18,570
<i>Oh, my girlfriend, yes.</i>

1816
01:16:18,640 --> 01:16:19,971
That's my sister.

1817
01:16:21,760 --> 01:16:25,242
<i>Hey, can everyone
please give it up for
the world's biggest nanny?</i>

1818
01:16:25,360 --> 01:16:27,249
(APPLAUSE)
<i>Well done.</i>

1819
01:16:27,320 --> 01:16:29,084
Thank you.
I'll take her back.

1820
01:16:31,840 --> 01:16:32,841
Bye.

1821
01:16:34,160 --> 01:16:35,161
Thank you.
Call me.

1822
01:16:36,960 --> 01:16:38,291
Whoa.
(APPLAUSE CONTINUES)

1823
01:16:43,840 --> 01:16:46,730
<i>You know,
being a dad
does change you.</i>

1824
01:16:46,800 --> 01:16:48,723
<i>I worry all the time.</i>

1825
01:16:48,800 --> 01:16:50,564
<i>Do I know when she's tired?</i>

1826
01:16:50,640 --> 01:16:52,210
<i>Not really.</i>

1827
01:16:52,280 --> 01:16:53,486
<i>When she's about to be sick?</i>

1828
01:16:54,120 --> 01:16:55,360
<i>Definitely not.</i>

1829
01:16:55,880 --> 01:16:58,360
<i>This is the last
good shirt that I own.</i>

1830
01:16:58,440 --> 01:16:59,441
(CROWD LAUGHING)

1831
01:17:00,880 --> 01:17:02,484
<i>But her mother knows,</i>

1832
01:17:02,560 --> 01:17:05,211
<i>because in every
atom of their body,</i>

1833
01:17:05,640 --> 01:17:09,804
<i>they know what's
right for their children
and for their families.</i>

1834
01:17:11,560 --> 01:17:14,211
<i>Anyway, speaking of parents,
I better get this
one back to hers.</i>

1835
01:17:14,320 --> 01:17:15,685
(LAUGHTER)

1836
01:17:16,000 --> 01:17:17,206
<i>Hey, guys,
thank you very much.</i>

1837
01:17:17,320 --> 01:17:19,402
<i>I've been Zack Zim,
and this has been Katie.</i>

1838
01:17:19,560 --> 01:17:21,130
(APPLAUSE)

1839
01:17:23,760 --> 01:17:25,410
Aw, what a cute baby.

1840
01:17:25,480 --> 01:17:26,845
I love babies.

1841
01:17:26,920 --> 01:17:28,729
We can have one
if you want.

1842
01:17:29,080 --> 01:17:30,764
It's our first date.

1843
01:17:30,840 --> 01:17:32,968
So, what are you
doing tomorrow?

1844
01:17:33,120 --> 01:17:34,326
Shut up.

1845
01:17:34,600 --> 01:17:35,681
I was freaking out.

1846
01:17:35,760 --> 01:17:37,444
I thought you bailed.
Where were you?

1847
01:17:37,520 --> 01:17:41,241
I'm sorry,
you know, usual stuff,
meeting my real mom.

1848
01:17:41,320 --> 01:17:42,560
Your mom, what?

1849
01:17:42,640 --> 01:17:43,641
Yeah, it was awful.

1850
01:17:43,760 --> 01:17:44,727
Awful?

1851
01:17:44,840 --> 01:17:47,650
Just really made me
appreciate what I have.
Totally.

1852
01:17:48,400 --> 01:17:50,084
You're the best.

1853
01:17:50,840 --> 01:17:53,161
ANNOUNCER: <i>We have
a unanimous winner.</i>

1854
01:17:53,720 --> 01:17:55,449
<i>Katie Zim.</i>

1855
01:17:56,400 --> 01:17:57,481
(APPLAUSE)

1856
01:17:57,560 --> 01:17:59,369
<i>Oh, and that guy
with her. Come on up.</i>

1857
01:17:59,440 --> 01:18:00,885
Oh, my God.
Wait, wait,
wait, take her.

1858
01:18:00,960 --> 01:18:03,440
She won, you just
held her props, really.

1859
01:18:04,760 --> 01:18:05,841
So, wait, your actual mother?

1860
01:18:05,920 --> 01:18:08,127
Just go get it.
Go, go, go, go, go.

1861
01:18:08,600 --> 01:18:09,806
(CROWD WHOOPING)

1862
01:18:11,480 --> 01:18:12,720
<i>Congratulations!</i>

1863
01:18:14,040 --> 01:18:15,280
<i>Zack Zim!</i>

1864
01:18:16,160 --> 01:18:18,128
<i>Yeah, we each
got our babies.</i>

1865
01:18:18,200 --> 01:18:19,440
(COOING)

1866
01:18:28,120 --> 01:18:31,124
Happy Mother's Day!
Happy Mother's Day!

1867
01:18:31,600 --> 01:18:33,921
What? Oh, my God.

1868
01:18:34,000 --> 01:18:37,971
You guys...
You guys
are the cutest.

1869
01:18:38,040 --> 01:18:40,611
The banana was my idea,
you know, to stay healthy.

1870
01:18:41,640 --> 01:18:43,051
(CHUCKLES) It's perfect.
I love it.

1871
01:18:43,120 --> 01:18:44,690
Are those M&M pancakes?

1872
01:18:44,760 --> 01:18:46,649
Yeah.
Oh, boy.

1873
01:18:46,720 --> 01:18:47,767
Open my gift.

1874
01:18:47,840 --> 01:18:49,251
Okay, okay, okay.

1875
01:18:50,280 --> 01:18:51,327
Why?

1876
01:18:54,600 --> 01:18:59,766
That's the coolest
potato man ever,
period, end of story.

1877
01:19:01,640 --> 01:19:03,051
That's awesome.

1878
01:19:05,560 --> 01:19:07,722
"Thanks for all
that you do.

1879
01:19:07,800 --> 01:19:09,245
"We appreciate you.

1880
01:19:09,320 --> 01:19:11,322
"Happy Mother's Day, Tina."

1881
01:19:12,160 --> 01:19:14,162
You gave her the
wrong gift, you dork.

1882
01:19:14,240 --> 01:19:15,651
Oops, sorry, Mom.

1883
01:19:15,720 --> 01:19:17,688
SANDY: Oh, that's okay.
That's okay.

1884
01:19:18,200 --> 01:19:19,690
I love you, Mom.

1885
01:19:20,320 --> 01:19:22,288
Thank you. I love you.
This one's for you.

1886
01:19:22,400 --> 01:19:24,687
Okay, okay.

1887
01:19:26,520 --> 01:19:28,727
This is better
than the first one.

1888
01:19:28,800 --> 01:19:29,926
It's even better.

1889
01:19:30,560 --> 01:19:31,561
That's sweet.

1890
01:19:31,920 --> 01:19:34,491
I love him.
Thank you so much.

1891
01:19:35,240 --> 01:19:36,401
This is for you.

1892
01:19:36,480 --> 01:19:37,686
Thanks, babe.

1893
01:19:37,760 --> 01:19:40,047
Did you get
a card for Tina, too?

1894
01:19:40,120 --> 01:19:42,361
Yeah, but a totally
different one.

1895
01:19:43,760 --> 01:19:45,808
I can throw Tina's
away if you want.

1896
01:19:48,280 --> 01:19:49,406
No.

1897
01:19:50,240 --> 01:19:52,129
No, no, no, no,
I don't want you to do that.

1898
01:19:52,480 --> 01:19:53,925
But you're so sad.

1899
01:19:58,680 --> 01:20:01,126
Oh, okay, listen,
here, take this over
there for a second.

1900
01:20:01,200 --> 01:20:02,201
Get in here.

1901
01:20:02,560 --> 01:20:03,721
Get in here.

1902
01:20:04,760 --> 01:20:08,924
Vicky, Rachel,
where are you guys?

1903
01:20:10,360 --> 01:20:13,523
Come on, let's wake up,
have a little breakfast, huh?

1904
01:20:15,560 --> 01:20:19,167
Guys, don't make me
come up there.

1905
01:20:20,000 --> 01:20:21,490
It's too late.

1906
01:20:21,560 --> 01:20:23,927
Come on,
let's go, up and at 'em.

1907
01:20:25,320 --> 01:20:26,446
Hey.

1908
01:20:27,320 --> 01:20:29,288
Hey, Vicky!
(PHONE RINGING)

1909
01:20:29,720 --> 01:20:32,485
Rachel, where are you?

1910
01:20:34,000 --> 01:20:35,411
Hey, Kimberly,
I can't talk right now.

1911
01:20:35,480 --> 01:20:36,641
I don't know
where my girls are.

1912
01:20:36,720 --> 01:20:38,290
KIMBERLY:
<i>The girls are with me.</i>

1913
01:20:38,360 --> 01:20:39,486
What are you
talking about, where?

1914
01:20:42,920 --> 01:20:46,606
I love you so much,

1915
01:20:46,840 --> 01:20:51,402
and, you know, it's just...
It's hard to share, you know?

1916
01:20:51,880 --> 01:20:54,804
Sort of like how
you feel about your
LEGO pirate ship.

1917
01:20:54,880 --> 01:20:57,201
You know how
you didn't want
anyone to touch it?

1918
01:20:57,720 --> 01:21:00,041
Yeah, well,
that's kind of
how I feel.

1919
01:21:00,960 --> 01:21:02,689
But you remember
how good you felt

1920
01:21:02,760 --> 01:21:04,524
when you saw
how happy Nick was

1921
01:21:04,600 --> 01:21:08,127
when he was able
to walk Peg Leg
down the plank?

1922
01:21:08,600 --> 01:21:09,681
Right?

1923
01:21:10,400 --> 01:21:13,882
Yeah, that's because
it's really,
really good to share.

1924
01:21:13,960 --> 01:21:15,007
It's really good.

1925
01:21:17,160 --> 01:21:18,730
In fact,
as I say this,
you know what,

1926
01:21:18,800 --> 01:21:23,328
I think I'm going to
take you over to Daddy's
a little later on today, okay?

1927
01:21:24,240 --> 01:21:28,768
So you can give Tina
her awesome potato man.

1928
01:21:29,360 --> 01:21:31,124
You're really
going to share?

1929
01:21:31,240 --> 01:21:32,651
Yeah.

1930
01:21:32,880 --> 01:21:36,851
Yep, I'm going to
share, for an hour.

1931
01:21:38,000 --> 01:21:39,604
An hour, maybe two.
I'll see how I feel.

1932
01:21:39,680 --> 01:21:40,681
How do you
feel about that?

1933
01:21:40,760 --> 01:21:42,171
BOTH: Yeah.
Yeah?

1934
01:21:48,240 --> 01:21:50,242
MAX: We're gonna grab
some lunch and we'll
see you at the parade.

1935
01:21:50,320 --> 01:21:51,765
Have fun.

1936
01:21:51,840 --> 01:21:53,001
Bye, Max.

1937
01:21:55,560 --> 01:21:57,289
Were you summoned, too?

1938
01:21:57,360 --> 01:21:59,840
Yep, just wondering
if I'm going to
get an opportunity

1939
01:21:59,920 --> 01:22:01,524
to have a last meal.

1940
01:22:01,600 --> 01:22:03,125
(CHUCKLES) Doubtful.

1941
01:22:03,200 --> 01:22:06,204
I mean, they can't
ground us anymore,
can they?

1942
01:22:09,000 --> 01:22:11,002
You lied to your mother.

1943
01:22:11,080 --> 01:22:13,924
Mom made me live
alone in college

1944
01:22:14,000 --> 01:22:16,048
'cause she didn't
want me to have
a minority roommate.

1945
01:22:16,200 --> 01:22:17,770
Yeah, and she spanked
me when I said I
wanted to dress up

1946
01:22:17,840 --> 01:22:18,921
like a guy for Halloween.

1947
01:22:19,000 --> 01:22:22,925
I didn't think Liberace
was an appropriate
costume for a little girl.

1948
01:22:26,200 --> 01:22:27,281
PETER: Do they
know we're coming?

1949
01:22:27,360 --> 01:22:29,362
SANDY: Yeah,
I called Daddy earlier.

1950
01:22:34,400 --> 01:22:36,607
I'll pick you up tonight,
just before dinner, okay?

1951
01:22:36,720 --> 01:22:38,961
Bye, Mom.
Bye, I love you.

1952
01:22:39,600 --> 01:22:40,886
Have fun.

1953
01:22:52,040 --> 01:22:53,405
I'm so happy to see you.

1954
01:22:53,480 --> 01:22:54,561
Hi, hi.

1955
01:22:54,960 --> 01:22:56,291
What's that?

1956
01:22:56,400 --> 01:22:58,243
For me? Oh, my gosh.

1957
01:22:58,320 --> 01:23:00,482
A surprise.
Thank you so much.

1958
01:23:00,560 --> 01:23:01,891
(MOUTHING) Thank you.

1959
01:23:05,760 --> 01:23:07,524
Happy Mother's Day.

1960
01:23:24,800 --> 01:23:26,211
We love you.

1961
01:23:30,920 --> 01:23:32,046
(SOBBING)

1962
01:23:52,480 --> 01:23:55,404
<i>Russell, it's Jesse.</i>

1963
01:23:55,480 --> 01:23:57,608
<i>I'm leaving to go live
with my parents for a while</i>

1964
01:23:57,720 --> 01:24:00,041
<i>and I'm taking Tanner
with me. Bye.</i>

1965
01:24:00,120 --> 01:24:03,329
Wait, wait, wait,
hold on, hold on!

1966
01:24:03,440 --> 01:24:08,810
Hey, hold on, wait,
hold on, I'm coming!

1967
01:24:09,280 --> 01:24:12,727
Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait,
stop, stop, stop, stop,

1968
01:24:12,800 --> 01:24:16,168
stop, wait, hold on, hold on,
wait a minute, let me in,

1969
01:24:17,040 --> 01:24:19,725
stop, stop, stop,
hold on, hold on!

1970
01:24:19,880 --> 01:24:21,405
Wait a minute!

1971
01:24:22,320 --> 01:24:23,321
Where's Tanner?

1972
01:24:23,400 --> 01:24:24,640
Relax, he's with
Max and Charlie.

1973
01:24:24,720 --> 01:24:25,801
Nice robe.

1974
01:24:26,520 --> 01:24:28,488
We just said it
to get you in here.

1975
01:24:29,160 --> 01:24:30,571
Oh, great, another lie.

1976
01:24:30,640 --> 01:24:33,041
Yeah, is this your
new thing now? Bye.

1977
01:24:33,160 --> 01:24:35,640
<i>Russell, we would
like to thank you for coming.</i>

1978
01:24:36,000 --> 01:24:38,367
Mom? You're in on this?

1979
01:24:38,480 --> 01:24:41,211
<i>Maybe if you would
call me more often,
you would know me better.</i>

1980
01:24:41,320 --> 01:24:44,483
<i>Russell, I know I
make jokes about Jesse,
but I love her.</i>

1981
01:24:44,600 --> 01:24:48,366
<i>So, Flo and I thought
you two should
kiss and make up.</i>

1982
01:24:50,360 --> 01:24:53,091
No, no, because
she's a liar.

1983
01:24:53,160 --> 01:24:55,970
She's a lying,
lying liar, okay?

1984
01:24:56,040 --> 01:24:58,361
And besides,
scaring me to
get me in here

1985
01:24:58,440 --> 01:25:00,966
is not a good way
to start a
conversation, okay?

1986
01:25:01,040 --> 01:25:02,485
Have fun. I'm leaving.

1987
01:25:02,560 --> 01:25:04,210
Not unless you're
going to jump.

1988
01:25:05,400 --> 01:25:07,243
Dad, what are you doing?
Slow down!

1989
01:25:07,360 --> 01:25:08,521
Oh, come on.

1990
01:25:09,200 --> 01:25:10,440
GABI: Where are we going?

1991
01:25:10,520 --> 01:25:12,170
RUSSELL: All right,
this is crazy, all right?

1992
01:25:12,240 --> 01:25:13,571
She lied about everything.
You know what?

1993
01:25:13,680 --> 01:25:16,365
If I was your parents,
I would have
been home by now.

1994
01:25:16,440 --> 01:25:20,240
If this sucker hadn't
had all those repairs,
we would have been.

1995
01:25:20,520 --> 01:25:21,806
Actually,
that would be my fault.

1996
01:25:21,880 --> 01:25:22,881
How?

1997
01:25:22,960 --> 01:25:24,724
I kind of told Charlie
to mess with the engine

1998
01:25:24,800 --> 01:25:26,450
so Grandma and Grandpa
couldn't get home.

1999
01:25:26,520 --> 01:25:28,921
The flat tire was
just bad luck, or good.

2000
01:25:29,040 --> 01:25:30,451
You did that for us?

2001
01:25:30,800 --> 01:25:31,847
Forget that.

2002
01:25:31,920 --> 01:25:34,526
I'm impressed that he knew
so much about engines.

2003
01:25:34,600 --> 01:25:36,250
GABI: Yeah, he really does.

2004
01:25:37,720 --> 01:25:39,688
Honey, please forgive me.

2005
01:25:39,760 --> 01:25:42,491
I promise, I will never,
ever lie to you,
ever again.

2006
01:25:42,560 --> 01:25:44,244
I just... I cross my heart.

2007
01:25:45,720 --> 01:25:47,449
You promise?
Promise.

2008
01:25:48,560 --> 01:25:50,050
Okay, I forgive you.
You do?

2009
01:25:50,120 --> 01:25:52,327
No, I'm lying.
You see how that feels?

2010
01:25:54,920 --> 01:25:58,163
Uh, sorry to
interrupt your moment,
but this ain't good.

2011
01:25:58,240 --> 01:25:59,321
What?

2012
01:25:59,400 --> 01:26:02,529
The brakes are out
and we're going
pretty damn fast.

2013
01:26:02,600 --> 01:26:04,728
I swear,
Charlie did not
mess with the brakes.

2014
01:26:04,800 --> 01:26:06,564
EARL: No, no, I was
supposed to get them fixed,

2015
01:26:06,680 --> 01:26:09,763
but I took the money
and I spent it
at the dog track!

2016
01:26:09,920 --> 01:26:11,888
(ALL EXCLAIMING)

2017
01:26:12,640 --> 01:26:13,801
RUSSELL: Look out
for the garbage.

2018
01:26:16,080 --> 01:26:18,526
<i>Hey, what is happening?</i>

2019
01:26:19,160 --> 01:26:20,650
<i>Where did everybody go?</i>

2020
01:26:21,080 --> 01:26:22,127
Jesse, stay down.

2021
01:26:22,280 --> 01:26:23,611
Stay under me!

2022
01:26:23,920 --> 01:26:25,570
Hey, that's Grandma's house.

2023
01:26:25,640 --> 01:26:27,404
So it is. Let's check it out.

2024
01:26:33,360 --> 01:26:36,091
They made a womb
float for Mother's Day?

2025
01:26:36,160 --> 01:26:38,891
I can't wait to see
what they do for Father's Day.

2026
01:26:44,000 --> 01:26:46,571
Hello, Marvin, you got
a two-vehicle pursuit.

2027
01:26:46,680 --> 01:26:51,447
One is an RV from Texas
and the other one
is big and pink.

2028
01:26:51,680 --> 01:26:52,966
(SIREN BLARING)

2029
01:26:54,960 --> 01:26:56,291
Slow down!

2030
01:26:57,960 --> 01:27:00,361
Oh, my gosh.
Okay, we're in pursuit.

2031
01:27:00,680 --> 01:27:01,681
Whoa!

2032
01:27:08,360 --> 01:27:11,603
Earl, Jesse, Gabi,
I love you! Russell?

2033
01:27:11,680 --> 01:27:12,681
Yeah.

2034
01:27:12,960 --> 01:27:14,405
Nice to meet you.

2035
01:27:14,480 --> 01:27:16,130
We're going to
hit real hard.

2036
01:27:16,200 --> 01:27:17,247
No!

2037
01:27:19,720 --> 01:27:20,721
Huh?

2038
01:27:21,560 --> 01:27:26,168
Well, uh, that wasn't
so hard, now, was it?

2039
01:27:27,160 --> 01:27:28,491
Everybody all right?

2040
01:27:28,560 --> 01:27:29,721
RUSSELL: What
the hell happened?

2041
01:27:30,880 --> 01:27:33,201
Nothing. I lied.

2042
01:27:33,720 --> 01:27:35,085
The brakes were fixed.

2043
01:27:35,200 --> 01:27:39,330
The fear of death
brings everyone
closer together.

2044
01:27:40,760 --> 01:27:43,730
Welcome, welcome to my family.

2045
01:27:44,240 --> 01:27:46,004
COP: Everybody
out of the vehicle.

2046
01:27:47,000 --> 01:27:48,126
Let's go.

2047
01:27:49,240 --> 01:27:51,049
Okay, we're coming. Hi.

2048
01:27:51,200 --> 01:27:52,440
Out of the vehicle.

2049
01:27:53,400 --> 01:27:55,209
Get your hands up
where we can see them.

2050
01:27:55,280 --> 01:27:56,566
You guys okay?

2051
01:27:56,680 --> 01:27:58,489
FLO: Hello, officers,
how are you doing?

2052
01:27:58,560 --> 01:27:59,641
GABI: Mom,
just put your hands up.

2053
01:27:59,720 --> 01:28:02,451
Spread your legs.

2054
01:28:03,240 --> 01:28:04,287
Anybody else?

2055
01:28:05,800 --> 01:28:07,370
Hi, it's just me.

2056
01:28:09,880 --> 01:28:11,120
Get on the ground.

2057
01:28:11,200 --> 01:28:12,725
On the ground!

2058
01:28:12,800 --> 01:28:14,245
Get on the ground!

2059
01:28:14,760 --> 01:28:16,364
On the ground!

2060
01:28:17,360 --> 01:28:19,966
Sir, that is my husband!

2061
01:28:20,040 --> 01:28:22,281
Officer, I don't
really appreciate

2062
01:28:22,400 --> 01:28:24,562
how you're treating
my son-in-law.

2063
01:28:25,640 --> 01:28:27,722
Wait, it's okay,
you guys, this is my doctor.

2064
01:28:27,800 --> 01:28:29,404
He fixed my knee.

2065
01:28:29,760 --> 01:28:31,000
Hi, Dr. Kohli.

2066
01:28:31,400 --> 01:28:32,561
Hey, Danielle.

2067
01:28:33,240 --> 01:28:34,924
Finally, somebody
stands up.

2068
01:28:35,080 --> 01:28:37,321
Oh, boy, you okay, Russell?

2069
01:28:37,400 --> 01:28:38,640
Yeah, I'm all right.
All right.

2070
01:28:38,720 --> 01:28:41,246
Well, I never thought
I'd have to say this
in the line of duty,

2071
01:28:41,320 --> 01:28:44,608
but who's got
the registration
for the vagina?

2072
01:28:44,720 --> 01:28:47,405
We do. But we already
missed the parade.

2073
01:28:47,480 --> 01:28:49,005
There's a parade
of vaginas?

2074
01:28:49,080 --> 01:28:50,445
Yup, there sure was.

2075
01:28:51,560 --> 01:28:53,164
EARL: Well, that's okay.

2076
01:28:53,240 --> 01:28:55,607
Now we can have
a real family picnic together.

2077
01:28:55,920 --> 01:28:58,002
Love you, too, Mom.
Happy Mother's Day.

2078
01:28:58,280 --> 01:28:59,611
Did she just kiss me?

2079
01:28:59,680 --> 01:29:01,762
GABI: We missed the parade,
but we're gonna have a picnic!

2080
01:29:01,920 --> 01:29:03,649
I'm proud of you, Earl.

2081
01:29:04,240 --> 01:29:05,969
Oh, thank you, Fluffy.

2082
01:29:11,400 --> 01:29:13,368
Thanks for
taking us, Kimberly.

2083
01:29:13,440 --> 01:29:14,680
Oh, and for brunch, too.

2084
01:29:14,760 --> 01:29:16,410
I bet my dad's
going to kill you.

2085
01:29:16,480 --> 01:29:18,244
Please, I can handle him.

2086
01:29:18,320 --> 01:29:20,084
I am a pole dancer.

2087
01:29:20,160 --> 01:29:21,764
Bring it on!

2088
01:29:28,440 --> 01:29:33,287
Wow. I think your daddy
used his veteran's
discount at ProFlowers.

2089
01:29:34,000 --> 01:29:35,206
BRADLEY: Surprise!

2090
01:29:37,760 --> 01:29:39,922
Dad, what is all this?

2091
01:29:40,000 --> 01:29:42,606
Oh, this is everything
they had left at
the flower shop.

2092
01:29:43,280 --> 01:29:45,328
Okay, but why is it here?

2093
01:29:45,480 --> 01:29:47,528
I thought it was about
time we started
celebrating Mother's Day.

2094
01:29:47,680 --> 01:29:49,045
I better go
find my babies.

2095
01:29:50,000 --> 01:29:54,927
And for my first
surprise, for the
youngest, Vicky, <i>voilà.</i>

2096
01:29:55,080 --> 01:29:56,241
Oh.
Whoa.

2097
01:29:56,680 --> 01:29:58,170
A karaoke machine!

2098
01:29:58,240 --> 01:29:59,730
That's right, yes.

2099
01:30:00,760 --> 01:30:02,683
Young lady,
that's for you.

2100
01:30:08,840 --> 01:30:12,003
But these are...
These are Mom's car keys.

2101
01:30:12,360 --> 01:30:14,567
Yeah, I sold the car anyway,

2102
01:30:14,640 --> 01:30:16,688
but figured you'd
want the keys.

2103
01:30:17,840 --> 01:30:19,524
Kidding, you get
the car, too.

2104
01:30:19,640 --> 01:30:21,881
Oh, my God,
thank you.
(CHUCKLES)

2105
01:30:22,440 --> 01:30:23,930
You're very welcome.

2106
01:30:24,000 --> 01:30:25,081
Thank you.

2107
01:30:25,760 --> 01:30:28,161
(GASPS) Look at this place.
(LAUGHTER)

2108
01:30:28,440 --> 01:30:29,930
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

2109
01:30:33,520 --> 01:30:34,521
Mmm.

2110
01:30:34,760 --> 01:30:36,808
Dad, did you invite him?

2111
01:30:36,880 --> 01:30:37,927
No.

2112
01:30:38,000 --> 01:30:41,243
No, I hired him
to run the punch bowl.

2113
01:30:41,320 --> 01:30:43,288
Okay.
Yeah.

2114
01:30:43,360 --> 01:30:45,522
I'm going to go
get some punch.

2115
01:30:45,600 --> 01:30:46,647
All right.

2116
01:30:50,240 --> 01:30:52,163
Hey.
Hey.

2117
01:30:52,240 --> 01:30:53,810
BRADLEY: Thanks for coming
on such short notice.

2118
01:30:53,880 --> 01:30:55,769
I'm so proud of you.
Thank you.

2119
01:30:55,840 --> 01:30:57,251
I am.
(CHUCKLES)
Thank you.

2120
01:30:57,560 --> 01:30:58,800
Hi.
Hey, neighbor.

2121
01:30:58,880 --> 01:31:00,370
Hey.
Hi, I'm Lexy.

2122
01:31:00,520 --> 01:31:01,646
Lexy.

2123
01:31:01,800 --> 01:31:04,690
Nice to meet you.
Nice to meet you
as well.

2124
01:31:04,760 --> 01:31:06,125
Um, yeah, well,
please help yourself

2125
01:31:06,200 --> 01:31:08,771
to the punch and smell
the flowers. Go nuts.

2126
01:31:08,840 --> 01:31:11,047
That's the sexy mom
we were telling you about.

2127
01:31:11,120 --> 01:31:12,884
Oh, that makes sense,
okay, yeah.

2128
01:31:12,960 --> 01:31:16,089
Well, that might be
a little too much for me
right now, you know?

2129
01:31:16,160 --> 01:31:17,321
Fair enough.
Mmm-hmm.

2130
01:31:17,400 --> 01:31:18,640
I'm going to
keep trying, though.

2131
01:31:18,720 --> 01:31:20,404
No, please do.
That's a great start.

2132
01:31:20,480 --> 01:31:21,481
Hey.

2133
01:31:22,680 --> 01:31:23,681
Wow!

2134
01:31:23,760 --> 01:31:24,921
Do you know
what it is?

2135
01:31:25,040 --> 01:31:26,087
No.

2136
01:31:26,160 --> 01:31:27,605
It's a karaoke machine.

2137
01:31:27,680 --> 01:31:29,444
That's cool.
What's that button do?

2138
01:31:29,520 --> 01:31:31,488
That's an echo,
so it makes it
sound like...

2139
01:31:31,560 --> 01:31:32,641
(MIMICKING MUSIC NOTES)
(CHUCKLES)

2140
01:31:32,840 --> 01:31:35,207
My God, you people
on steroids?

2141
01:31:35,920 --> 01:31:37,649
(PANTS)

2142
01:31:37,760 --> 01:31:39,171
Wait, hello, Tina?

2143
01:31:39,240 --> 01:31:40,844
<i>It's me. I really</i>
<i>need your help right now.</i>
What?

2144
01:31:40,960 --> 01:31:42,928
<i>I don't know what to do.</i>
Wait, Tina, slow down.
What's wrong?

2145
01:31:43,000 --> 01:31:44,604
<i>What's wrong?</i>
It's Mikey.

2146
01:31:44,720 --> 01:31:45,960
He can't breathe.

2147
01:31:46,040 --> 01:31:47,883
Okay, that's his asthma.

2148
01:31:47,960 --> 01:31:50,088
No, I know, Henry
warned me that it's bad
this time of year

2149
01:31:50,160 --> 01:31:51,161
and there's a lot of ragweed.

2150
01:31:51,240 --> 01:31:53,049
Where's his inhaler?

2151
01:31:53,120 --> 01:31:55,487
It's here, but it's empty
and I can't find the backup.

2152
01:31:55,560 --> 01:31:56,561
Where's Henry?

2153
01:31:56,640 --> 01:31:58,483
He's at the store
and he's not answering.

2154
01:31:58,560 --> 01:32:00,881
All right, just take him
to the freezer.

2155
01:32:00,960 --> 01:32:02,007
<i>He's not hungry.</i>

2156
01:32:02,120 --> 01:32:03,121
I know he's not hungry.

2157
01:32:03,200 --> 01:32:05,248
It's just that
breathing in the cold air
really helps him,

2158
01:32:05,320 --> 01:32:06,367
so just go, go, go, go.

2159
01:32:06,440 --> 01:32:08,044
<i>Let's go the freezer, okay?
You're going to be okay.</i>

2160
01:32:08,120 --> 01:32:11,124
You're going to be fine.
Yeah, just breathe this in.
(GASPING)

2161
01:32:11,200 --> 01:32:12,884
Okay, all right.

2162
01:32:12,960 --> 01:32:14,849
Oh, my gosh,
Sandy, I am so scared.

2163
01:32:14,920 --> 01:32:15,921
I know, I know.

2164
01:32:16,000 --> 01:32:18,241
Listen, I keep a spare inhaler
in his backpack.

2165
01:32:18,800 --> 01:32:22,691
Okay, yep. I got it.
I'll put you on speaker.

2166
01:32:24,000 --> 01:32:25,081
Okay, where?

2167
01:32:25,160 --> 01:32:26,889
Okay. There are four pockets.

2168
01:32:26,960 --> 01:32:28,689
It's in the one
that has the rat on it.

2169
01:32:28,960 --> 01:32:30,246
TINA: There's no zipper
on the rat.

2170
01:32:30,720 --> 01:32:31,846
It's on the side of the rat!

2171
01:32:31,960 --> 01:32:33,803
SANDY: <i>It's on the side
of the rat, sorry.</i>

2172
01:32:35,120 --> 01:32:36,531
(MIKEY GROANS AND GASPS)

2173
01:32:36,760 --> 01:32:38,728
It's all right, I got you.

2174
01:32:38,800 --> 01:32:40,404
I got you.
Come here, buddy.

2175
01:32:40,480 --> 01:32:41,925
Here you go.
Come on, come on. I got you.

2176
01:32:42,000 --> 01:32:43,331
MIKEY: <i>I want Mommy.</i>

2177
01:32:43,400 --> 01:32:45,482
Okay, Mommy's coming, honey.
You're okay.

2178
01:32:45,600 --> 01:32:48,171
<i>Daddy's going to make
you feel all better,
you know that.</i>

2179
01:32:48,680 --> 01:32:51,411
Okay, give him three puffs
and then give him three more

2180
01:32:51,480 --> 01:32:53,562
in 30 minutes if
he needs it, okay?
(GASPING)

2181
01:32:55,440 --> 01:32:57,522
I don't like his color.
I'm going to take him
to the ER.

2182
01:32:57,600 --> 01:32:59,648
All right, then go.
Just go, go and
I'll meet you there.

2183
01:33:00,760 --> 01:33:01,886
Get his stuff.

2184
01:33:06,520 --> 01:33:08,522
BRADLEY: (ON MIKE)
<i>Hey, DJ, hit it.</i>

2185
01:33:08,640 --> 01:33:09,641
(MUSIC PLAYING)

2186
01:33:09,840 --> 01:33:11,171
<i>Here we go.</i>

2187
01:33:11,520 --> 01:33:12,806
<i>All right!
Stop whatcha doin'</i>

2188
01:33:12,880 --> 01:33:13,961
<i>'Cause I'm
about to ruin</i>

2189
01:33:14,040 --> 01:33:15,929
<i>The image
and the style
that ya used to</i>

2190
01:33:16,000 --> 01:33:17,365
<i>I look funny, right?</i>

2191
01:33:17,440 --> 01:33:18,965
<i>But, yo, I'm makin'
money, see?</i>

2192
01:33:19,040 --> 01:33:20,724
<i>So, yo world
I hope you're
ready for me</i>

2193
01:33:20,800 --> 01:33:23,406
<i>My name is Humpty
Pronounced with a "umpty"</i>

2194
01:33:23,480 --> 01:33:26,609
<i>Yo, moms
Oh, how I like
to love thee</i>

2195
01:33:26,680 --> 01:33:28,444
<i>And all the fathers
in the Top 10</i>

2196
01:33:28,520 --> 01:33:30,124
<i>Please allow me
to bump thee</i>

2197
01:33:30,200 --> 01:33:32,726
<i>I'm steppin' tall, y'all
And just like Humpty Dumpty</i>

2198
01:33:32,800 --> 01:33:35,121
<i>You're gonna fall
when the stereos pump me</i>

2199
01:33:35,200 --> 01:33:37,123
<i>I'm still rockin'
these pink pants</i>

2200
01:33:37,200 --> 01:33:38,804
<i>And I even got
my own dance</i>

2201
01:33:38,880 --> 01:33:41,804
<i>The Humpty Dance
is your chance
to do the hump</i>

2202
01:33:41,880 --> 01:33:43,291
<i>That's right, folks,
help me out.</i>

2203
01:33:43,840 --> 01:33:45,968
<i>Do me, baby!</i>
ALL: <i>Do the Humpty hump</i>

2204
01:33:46,040 --> 01:33:49,044
Girls, get up here.
Dance with your old man.
Come on.

2205
01:33:49,880 --> 01:33:50,961
ALL: <i>Do the Humpty hump</i>

2206
01:33:51,040 --> 01:33:54,203
<i>Watch me do the Humpty hump
Yeah, yeah. Uh!</i>

2207
01:33:54,280 --> 01:33:55,805
ALL: <i>Do the Humpty hump</i>

2208
01:33:56,520 --> 01:33:57,521
Watch me...
(ALL GASPING)

2209
01:33:58,560 --> 01:34:00,164
WOMAN: Where'd he go?
(BRADLEY GROANS)

2210
01:34:00,440 --> 01:34:01,441
Dad!

2211
01:34:01,560 --> 01:34:02,846
Are you okay, Dad?
(ALL GASPING)

2212
01:34:02,920 --> 01:34:04,081
BRADLEY: Yeah,
I'm okay, Vicky.

2213
01:34:04,200 --> 01:34:05,770
Rachel, how does my leg look?

2214
01:34:05,840 --> 01:34:06,887
Great, Dad.

2215
01:34:06,960 --> 01:34:08,007
What about my right leg?

2216
01:34:08,120 --> 01:34:09,451
RACHEL: Someone call 911.

2217
01:34:09,520 --> 01:34:11,443
See what happens
when you let
white boys rap?

2218
01:34:12,560 --> 01:34:13,766
<i>There you go, folks.</i>

2219
01:34:13,880 --> 01:34:15,006
<i>Happy Mother's Day.</i>

2220
01:34:17,880 --> 01:34:19,962
RACHEL: Don't move, Dad.
I'm coming down.

2221
01:34:20,480 --> 01:34:23,563
BRADLEY: Rach, it might be
time to practice driving
to the hospital.

2222
01:34:24,520 --> 01:34:26,170
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

2223
01:34:28,080 --> 01:34:29,081
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

2224
01:34:29,400 --> 01:34:30,447
Got it.

2225
01:34:32,960 --> 01:34:34,644
I hope it's
okay that I'm here.

2226
01:34:35,960 --> 01:34:38,531
I knew it was you
the moment I saw you.

2227
01:34:42,040 --> 01:34:43,201
(INHALES SHARPLY)

2228
01:34:43,320 --> 01:34:45,926
We were 16 and in love.

2229
01:34:47,080 --> 01:34:48,366
What, puppy love?
(CHUCKLES)

2230
01:34:48,440 --> 01:34:51,649
No, true love, epic,

2231
01:34:51,720 --> 01:34:55,964
"plan your whole life
around it" kind of love,

2232
01:34:56,040 --> 01:34:57,610
and then there was you.

2233
01:34:58,800 --> 01:35:01,644
His family moved
to another city
the day we gave them the news

2234
01:35:01,720 --> 01:35:05,645
and my parents
pulled me out of
school for a year.

2235
01:35:05,760 --> 01:35:08,684
My mother never
really looked at me
the same again.

2236
01:35:10,800 --> 01:35:12,962
Forever disappointed,
I think.

2237
01:35:17,240 --> 01:35:18,651
It was never
even a consideration

2238
01:35:18,720 --> 01:35:20,051
if I would get to
keep you, actually.

2239
01:35:20,120 --> 01:35:23,806
She said she
found a nice family
that lived in Hawaii.

2240
01:35:25,000 --> 01:35:27,890
They weren't nice.
They were wonderful.

2241
01:35:27,960 --> 01:35:29,644
I know they've passed.
I'm sorry.

2242
01:35:31,320 --> 01:35:34,324
My parents are gone, too.

2243
01:35:34,400 --> 01:35:37,802
It's just you and me.

2244
01:35:41,520 --> 01:35:44,808
Part of the deal
was that they would

2245
01:35:44,880 --> 01:35:48,680
send me a picture
of you every year

2246
01:35:48,760 --> 01:35:55,530
(VOICE BREAKING)
so that I could just
see that you were okay.

2247
01:35:57,480 --> 01:35:58,925
(SCOFFS LIGHTLY)

2248
01:36:00,760 --> 01:36:02,569
KRISTIN: (SOFTLY)
Wow. What?

2249
01:36:06,600 --> 01:36:07,886
(KRISTIN CHUCKLES)

2250
01:36:17,640 --> 01:36:19,130
I don't understand.

2251
01:36:20,680 --> 01:36:22,045
Why didn't you
ever contact me?

2252
01:36:26,880 --> 01:36:28,530
That was the other
part of the deal.

2253
01:36:33,040 --> 01:36:38,046
So, I lost my
true love and you,

2254
01:36:38,120 --> 01:36:41,522
and I didn't want
to replace that,

2255
01:36:41,600 --> 01:36:47,528
(CLEARS THROAT)
so I went for a career
and that is what I have.

2256
01:36:50,600 --> 01:36:51,601
(KATIE CRYING)

2257
01:36:51,920 --> 01:36:53,081
What is that?

2258
01:36:53,960 --> 01:36:55,724
That's your granddaughter.

2259
01:36:58,280 --> 01:36:59,770
That's my
boyfriend, Zack.

2260
01:37:01,800 --> 01:37:05,930
Katie, I want you to
meet someone special.

2261
01:37:06,000 --> 01:37:07,604
This is Katie.

2262
01:37:07,680 --> 01:37:11,890
(GASPS) Katie, do you
want to meet someone?

2263
01:37:13,240 --> 01:37:14,321
Yes.

2264
01:37:19,680 --> 01:37:22,251
That's your grandma.

2265
01:37:23,080 --> 01:37:24,161
Hello.

2266
01:37:24,720 --> 01:37:25,721
(CHUCKLES)

2267
01:37:26,680 --> 01:37:27,681
(LAUGHS)

2268
01:37:32,320 --> 01:37:35,051
(SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE)

2269
01:37:37,960 --> 01:37:39,325
(PANTS)

2270
01:37:39,640 --> 01:37:41,290
Hey, how is he?
He's good.

2271
01:37:41,400 --> 01:37:43,084
He's back to his
normal self.
Oh, thank God.

2272
01:37:43,160 --> 01:37:45,128
They're supposed to
be bringing him out.
I'm going to go check.

2273
01:37:45,200 --> 01:37:47,089
Thank God. Oh, good.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON PA)

2274
01:37:47,280 --> 01:37:48,361
Hi.

2275
01:37:48,920 --> 01:37:50,570
Hi. You okay?
Hi.

2276
01:37:50,640 --> 01:37:51,971
Yes.

2277
01:37:52,040 --> 01:37:55,010
Sandy, I am so sorry.
Yeah.

2278
01:37:55,080 --> 01:37:56,320
I don't know what
happened to his inhaler.

2279
01:37:56,480 --> 01:37:58,005
That's why we have
a backup.

2280
01:37:58,200 --> 01:38:00,043
Your middle name
is now backup.

2281
01:38:00,120 --> 01:38:02,726
Okay. I just...
I really panicked.

2282
01:38:02,800 --> 01:38:03,801
I know.

2283
01:38:03,880 --> 01:38:05,211
How do you
stay so calm?

2284
01:38:05,280 --> 01:38:09,763
Well, Tina, it just
takes time.

2285
01:38:09,840 --> 01:38:12,002
It's time.
I mean, Peter's...

2286
01:38:12,080 --> 01:38:13,570
Thirteen.
How old?

2287
01:38:13,640 --> 01:38:14,641
How old are you?
Thirteen.

2288
01:38:14,720 --> 01:38:17,166
Thirteen. It takes
13 years, you know?

2289
01:38:17,240 --> 01:38:18,969
So, just give
yourself a break.

2290
01:38:19,080 --> 01:38:21,128
Otherwise, you're going
to really wear yourself down

2291
01:38:21,200 --> 01:38:22,884
and it's going to
piss me off.

2292
01:38:23,040 --> 01:38:24,769
Make that one
of your rules.
That's good.

2293
01:38:25,320 --> 01:38:27,527
Whose child is this?

2294
01:38:27,600 --> 01:38:29,045
Mommy!

2295
01:38:29,120 --> 01:38:31,805
Oh, baby, hi.

2296
01:38:31,880 --> 01:38:34,486
Mommy, can I have
some candy, please?
Oh...

2297
01:38:34,600 --> 01:38:36,762
Sly move.

2298
01:38:36,840 --> 01:38:38,729
I told you
you'd be okay.

2299
01:38:38,800 --> 01:38:42,885
All right, I'm going
to get you some candy
and maybe one for myself.

2300
01:38:42,960 --> 01:38:44,291
Hold this, please.
(TELEPHONE RINGING)

2301
01:38:44,400 --> 01:38:46,209
(INDISTINCT CHATTER
ON PA CONTINUES)

2302
01:38:48,440 --> 01:38:51,250
<i>Now, since it's Mother's Day
and I am a mother,</i>

2303
01:38:51,480 --> 01:38:55,246
<i>I'd like to introduce
a very special guest,
my daughter, Kristin.</i>

2304
01:38:57,800 --> 01:39:01,168
<i>She has something
very special she
would like to say.</i>

2305
01:39:09,160 --> 01:39:13,529
<i>Father of my child,
light of my life,</i>

2306
01:39:16,200 --> 01:39:19,010
<i>Zack, will you marry me?</i>

2307
01:39:19,080 --> 01:39:21,765
<i>And because I made
you wait so long,</i>

2308
01:39:21,840 --> 01:39:25,049
<i>I'd like to do it today,
while my mother's still here.</i>

2309
01:39:29,000 --> 01:39:32,721
Well, will you?

2310
01:39:33,880 --> 01:39:34,881
Wha...

2311
01:39:35,360 --> 01:39:36,361
Uh...

2312
01:39:36,440 --> 01:39:37,930
The show's pre-taped.

2313
01:39:42,600 --> 01:39:43,965
Will you?

2314
01:39:44,920 --> 01:39:47,002
Well, you know,

2315
01:39:47,080 --> 01:39:49,401
I'm going to have
to think it over.

2316
01:39:49,960 --> 01:39:50,961
Hmm.

2317
01:39:52,000 --> 01:39:53,889
Okay, I did.

2318
01:39:53,960 --> 01:39:55,644
Yes.

2319
01:39:55,760 --> 01:39:57,285
I love you.
I love you, too.

2320
01:40:02,160 --> 01:40:03,161
Oh...

2321
01:40:03,760 --> 01:40:05,524
Oh, I think it's time.

2322
01:40:06,200 --> 01:40:07,611
MAN: Gotta go.
Oh...

2323
01:40:07,760 --> 01:40:09,967
Where's my purse?
Where are the keys?

2324
01:40:10,040 --> 01:40:11,451
KRISTIN: Good luck, you guys.

2325
01:40:11,520 --> 01:40:14,410
Time for a wedding.
Where's Shorty? Shorty?

2326
01:40:14,480 --> 01:40:15,720
Me.

2327
01:40:15,800 --> 01:40:17,450
You're Shorty?
Yeah.

2328
01:40:17,520 --> 01:40:18,601
Should have guessed.

2329
01:40:18,680 --> 01:40:20,728
Okay, listen,
Miranda wants to throw

2330
01:40:20,800 --> 01:40:23,280
a big expensive wedding
at the best hotel,

2331
01:40:23,360 --> 01:40:25,089
but Kristin wants
to get married here

2332
01:40:25,160 --> 01:40:26,400
because that's
where they first met.

2333
01:40:26,480 --> 01:40:29,051
Great, and we'll do our best
to make it expensive.

2334
01:40:29,120 --> 01:40:30,167
Well, thank you for that.

2335
01:40:30,280 --> 01:40:31,486
SHORTY: Who's going to
perform the ceremony?

2336
01:40:31,600 --> 01:40:32,647
I'm officiating.

2337
01:40:32,760 --> 01:40:34,046
You got a license?

2338
01:40:34,120 --> 01:40:36,361
Of course, from
the online church of Idaho.

2339
01:40:36,440 --> 01:40:37,771
Can we do this now?

2340
01:40:39,440 --> 01:40:41,283
Wow. We're gonna make a buck.

2341
01:40:41,560 --> 01:40:44,450
NURSE: (ON PA) <i>Paging</i>
<i>Dr. Freeman and Dr. Sheehan.</i>

2342
01:40:44,520 --> 01:40:47,444
<i>Please report to
the nurse's station.</i>

2343
01:40:48,280 --> 01:40:49,930
(EXHALES)

2344
01:40:50,000 --> 01:40:51,650
(MACHINE BEEPS)

2345
01:40:53,080 --> 01:40:54,081
(WHIRRS)

2346
01:40:57,800 --> 01:40:59,131
Come on.

2347
01:41:00,840 --> 01:41:02,649
Are you kidding me?

2348
01:41:02,960 --> 01:41:05,008
This is what's going
to happen today?

2349
01:41:06,160 --> 01:41:07,161
(SIGHS)

2350
01:41:07,680 --> 01:41:09,444
All right, okay.

2351
01:41:13,720 --> 01:41:16,200
(GRUNTS) God!
Oh, no, no, no, no.

2352
01:41:18,280 --> 01:41:19,281
Oh, God.

2353
01:41:19,640 --> 01:41:20,641
(GROANS)

2354
01:41:22,400 --> 01:41:24,004
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

2355
01:41:25,880 --> 01:41:27,086
(GRUNTING)

2356
01:41:27,160 --> 01:41:28,161
Whoa.

2357
01:41:29,360 --> 01:41:31,010
BRADLEY: You know what?
Guys, let's go this way.

2358
01:41:31,240 --> 01:41:33,242
Let's not get involved.
Come on, here we go.
(GRUNTS)

2359
01:41:33,360 --> 01:41:34,441
Oh...

2360
01:41:34,520 --> 01:41:36,170
Hey, tampon man.

2361
01:41:37,480 --> 01:41:38,766
SANDY: Right?
Remember at the...

2362
01:41:38,840 --> 01:41:40,205
Hey.
Hi.

2363
01:41:40,480 --> 01:41:41,891
Hi there.
Um...

2364
01:41:42,040 --> 01:41:43,610
We were...
Yes.

2365
01:41:43,680 --> 01:41:45,045
Yeah, of course, hi.

2366
01:41:45,240 --> 01:41:46,810
It's actually Bradley.

2367
01:41:47,000 --> 01:41:48,206
Oh, Bradley.
Yeah.

2368
01:41:48,320 --> 01:41:50,448
These are my daughters.
This is Rachel,
and this is Vicky.

2369
01:41:50,520 --> 01:41:51,521
RACHEL: Hi.
Hi.

2370
01:41:51,680 --> 01:41:52,806
BRADLEY: This is...
Sandy.

2371
01:41:53,080 --> 01:41:55,082
With two sons.
Yes, that's right.

2372
01:41:55,160 --> 01:41:57,128
(BOTH CHUCKLING)
Um...

2373
01:41:57,240 --> 01:41:58,685
You all right?
You know what?
No.

2374
01:41:58,880 --> 01:42:01,121
(CHUCKLES) I'm kind of in
a little bit of a situation.

2375
01:42:01,280 --> 01:42:02,520
Okay. I got you.
It's so silly.

2376
01:42:02,720 --> 01:42:04,051
Girls, do me a favor,

2377
01:42:04,160 --> 01:42:05,207
why don't you run
and go find and see

2378
01:42:05,280 --> 01:42:06,520
if someone has
a key for this?

2379
01:42:06,720 --> 01:42:08,802
There's, like,
a security guard
up front I'm sure.

2380
01:42:08,880 --> 01:42:09,881
(MUMBLING)

2381
01:42:10,200 --> 01:42:12,362
It probably looks
kind of suspicious.

2382
01:42:12,920 --> 01:42:15,605
Are you wondering
how I got into

2383
01:42:15,680 --> 01:42:17,091
this predicament?
Mmm.

2384
01:42:17,200 --> 01:42:18,201
No, I'm not really.

2385
01:42:18,720 --> 01:42:20,210
You see what
happens every time...
Uh-huh.

2386
01:42:20,320 --> 01:42:21,924
...I try to get up?
It's caught on something.

2387
01:42:22,040 --> 01:42:23,326
It's not coming down
any further, all right,

2388
01:42:23,400 --> 01:42:25,050
well, let me see
what I can do there.

2389
01:42:25,200 --> 01:42:26,725
Pull your wrist
over this way.
Ow! Careful.

2390
01:42:26,800 --> 01:42:27,801
What?

2391
01:42:27,880 --> 01:42:30,087
It's a Miranda Collins
bracelet, just, you know.
Oh...

2392
01:42:30,240 --> 01:42:31,480
(GRUNTS)

2393
01:42:32,520 --> 01:42:34,363
What did you do
to your leg?

2394
01:42:34,440 --> 01:42:36,044
(STUTTERS)

2395
01:42:36,160 --> 01:42:40,051
Another hip-hop-related
casualty is all.

2396
01:42:40,280 --> 01:42:41,566
Hip hop?
Yeah. What about you?

2397
01:42:41,800 --> 01:42:42,801
Why are you here?
Are you in

2398
01:42:42,920 --> 01:42:44,331
the psychiatric wing?
(LAUGHS)

2399
01:42:44,880 --> 01:42:48,123
No. My son had
an asthma attack.

2400
01:42:48,560 --> 01:42:50,881
Oh, I'm sorry about that.
Is he okay?

2401
01:42:51,040 --> 01:42:54,567
Yeah, he's all back to normal,
so I'm getting him this candy.

2402
01:42:54,640 --> 01:42:55,766
I got you, we'll get it.

2403
01:42:56,000 --> 01:42:57,001
SANDY: Oh, bend it, bend it.

2404
01:42:57,080 --> 01:42:58,206
BRADLEY: Here, I'm going to
pull it down. There.

2405
01:42:58,280 --> 01:42:59,361
(CLICKS)
Ow...

2406
01:42:59,440 --> 01:43:00,851
Whoa. Awesome.
Ta-da.

2407
01:43:01,080 --> 01:43:02,206
Wait.
You're free.

2408
01:43:02,320 --> 01:43:03,367
Get that thing
down here.

2409
01:43:03,440 --> 01:43:05,090
This thing?
Get that Skittle.

2410
01:43:05,160 --> 01:43:06,685
That's why I did it
in the first place.

2411
01:43:06,760 --> 01:43:08,285
Don't. This is
what's going to happen.

2412
01:43:10,160 --> 01:43:11,207
(YELLS)

2413
01:43:11,280 --> 01:43:13,044
Hey, all right.
Yeah.

2414
01:43:13,200 --> 01:43:14,611
That's amazing.
Nicely done.

2415
01:43:14,760 --> 01:43:15,761
Get it.

2416
01:43:16,120 --> 01:43:18,202
Wait. Oh, you know what,
while we're in here...

2417
01:43:19,640 --> 01:43:21,165
Okay, but if anybody
catches us,

2418
01:43:21,280 --> 01:43:22,850
we'll say you're
stealing candy
for sick kids.

2419
01:43:23,120 --> 01:43:24,690
Thank you so much.
Yeah.

2420
01:43:25,040 --> 01:43:26,326
I owe you one.

2421
01:43:26,440 --> 01:43:27,805
No, random act
of kindness.

2422
01:43:28,000 --> 01:43:29,001
Well, thank you.
(CHUCKLES)

2423
01:43:29,120 --> 01:43:30,610
Do you need a ride?

2424
01:43:30,800 --> 01:43:32,211
No, we have a car.

2425
01:43:32,320 --> 01:43:34,209
Yeah. Of course,
of course.
Yeah.

2426
01:43:34,280 --> 01:43:35,566
And I...
(CHUCKLES)

2427
01:43:35,640 --> 01:43:37,210
What am I thinking?
I've got my kids,

2428
01:43:37,320 --> 01:43:39,482
my ex-husband,
his new wife.
Oh...

2429
01:43:39,720 --> 01:43:40,960
It's a carful.
Wow.

2430
01:43:41,040 --> 01:43:43,122
Yeah, I'm divorced, too.

2431
01:43:45,120 --> 01:43:46,121
Oh, um...

2432
01:43:46,440 --> 01:43:50,968
Actually, my wife
passed away, so...

2433
01:43:51,320 --> 01:43:52,321
Oh...

2434
01:43:52,920 --> 01:43:55,287
Oh, my gosh, I'm so sorry.

2435
01:43:56,480 --> 01:43:58,562
Oh, that must make
today so hard.
It's okay.

2436
01:43:58,800 --> 01:44:00,768
It's starting to be okay.

2437
01:44:01,160 --> 01:44:02,207
(CHUCKLES)

2438
01:44:02,280 --> 01:44:03,281
Thank you.

2439
01:44:03,480 --> 01:44:04,925
Dad, we looked
everywhere.
We couldn't...

2440
01:44:05,040 --> 01:44:06,326
No, no, no.
We're good, actually.

2441
01:44:06,480 --> 01:44:07,845
She's free.
BRADLEY: Free.

2442
01:44:08,080 --> 01:44:09,809
Emancipated.
Yeah. We're good.
Yup.

2443
01:44:09,880 --> 01:44:11,006
(LAUGHS)

2444
01:44:11,480 --> 01:44:13,164
Yeah. Um...
So...

2445
01:44:13,760 --> 01:44:16,809
Well, hey, I will see
you around, I guess.

2446
01:44:17,080 --> 01:44:18,320
That would be nice.

2447
01:44:18,520 --> 01:44:19,681
RACHEL: Wait, my dad
owns a fitness gym.

2448
01:44:20,280 --> 01:44:22,009
Give her your card.
You should totally stop by,

2449
01:44:22,200 --> 01:44:25,044
you know, try a yoga class
or pole dancing even.
Mmm.

2450
01:44:25,360 --> 01:44:27,010
It helps you get in
touch with your body.

2451
01:44:27,480 --> 01:44:29,005
Mmm-hmm.
I've heard.

2452
01:44:29,120 --> 01:44:31,202
(GASPS)
This is my gym.

2453
01:44:31,480 --> 01:44:32,606
It is?

2454
01:44:32,760 --> 01:44:34,171
I go to this gym.

2455
01:44:34,280 --> 01:44:35,281
What?

2456
01:44:35,360 --> 01:44:37,169
I just signed up,
like, a couple weeks ago.

2457
01:44:37,360 --> 01:44:38,691
How have I not
seen you?

2458
01:44:38,800 --> 01:44:39,881
I've never seen you there.

2459
01:44:40,000 --> 01:44:41,411
I know, how have I
never seen you there?

2460
01:44:41,560 --> 01:44:43,130
That's weird.
(WHISPERS) That's so weird.

2461
01:44:43,520 --> 01:44:47,684
All right, well, great,
so maybe I'll see
you there sometime.

2462
01:44:48,120 --> 01:44:49,849
Thanks.
Yeah, thank you.

2463
01:44:50,360 --> 01:44:52,362
JESSE: Go here.
FLO: Like that? No, this?

2464
01:44:52,520 --> 01:44:53,521
JESSE: Go up.

2465
01:44:54,360 --> 01:44:56,283
Oh, no,
that's terrible.
I love it.

2466
01:44:56,360 --> 01:44:57,850
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

2467
01:44:58,040 --> 01:44:59,121
RUSSELL: All right.
Let's eat, guys.

2468
01:44:59,240 --> 01:45:00,287
Let's eat, Mom.

2469
01:45:00,640 --> 01:45:02,210
Mom!
Whoa!

2470
01:45:03,160 --> 01:45:04,605
Mom, you didn't tell
me you were coming.

2471
01:45:04,680 --> 01:45:06,045
Surprise.
(LAUGHS)
Oh.

2472
01:45:06,320 --> 01:45:07,890
I didn't know
you were coming.

2473
01:45:07,960 --> 01:45:09,962
<i>Beta,</i> I need money to
tip the Ubber driver.

2474
01:45:10,320 --> 01:45:11,321
Okay, it's Uber.

2475
01:45:12,080 --> 01:45:13,206
I came to see you.

2476
01:45:13,280 --> 01:45:15,487
How did you know
we were even here?

2477
01:45:15,560 --> 01:45:16,686
I'm a mother.
Mmm...

2478
01:45:16,760 --> 01:45:19,491
Flo, it's so good
to see you.
Oh, my goodness.

2479
01:45:19,560 --> 01:45:20,766
We did it.

2480
01:45:21,360 --> 01:45:22,521
(LAUGHTER)

2481
01:45:23,520 --> 01:45:24,521
Okay.

2482
01:45:26,160 --> 01:45:27,366
Oh. Oh!

2483
01:45:27,440 --> 01:45:29,169
Wow! You look
really nice.

2484
01:45:29,440 --> 01:45:31,124
Are you ready?

2485
01:45:31,200 --> 01:45:32,884
I am ready.

2486
01:45:34,080 --> 01:45:38,051
Oh, but, um, I think
I'll need someone
to hold Katie.

2487
01:45:41,920 --> 01:45:43,365
It would be my honor.

2488
01:45:45,200 --> 01:45:46,167
(CHUCKLES)

2489
01:45:46,240 --> 01:45:47,924
Okay, you ready?

2490
01:45:48,000 --> 01:45:49,081
Come to Grandma.

2491
01:45:49,440 --> 01:45:51,522
Oh.
Ooh, sticky.

2492
01:45:51,600 --> 01:45:52,886
(CHUCKLES)
They're always sticky.
Ugh.

2493
01:45:52,960 --> 01:45:54,325
I mean...
(CHUCKLES)

2494
01:45:54,680 --> 01:45:56,045
Okay.
(CLEARS THROAT)

2495
01:45:56,200 --> 01:45:57,770
All right,
there we go.

2496
01:45:58,880 --> 01:45:59,881
(SIGHS)

2497
01:46:00,200 --> 01:46:01,201
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

2498
01:46:01,280 --> 01:46:02,725
A little higher.
Don't drop her.

2499
01:46:02,800 --> 01:46:04,404
Little bit higher.
Yup, perfect.
Got it.

2500
01:46:04,480 --> 01:46:06,528
Got it.
(SOFTLY) Okay.

2501
01:46:06,600 --> 01:46:08,125
Should we start
without you?

2502
01:46:08,280 --> 01:46:10,851
Oh, no, we're good to go.
Thanks, Dominic.

2503
01:46:10,960 --> 01:46:12,803
(INHALES DEEPLY)
Okay.

2504
01:46:15,360 --> 01:46:17,408
All right, let's go.

2505
01:46:17,480 --> 01:46:18,481
(CHUCKLES)

2506
01:46:20,040 --> 01:46:22,122
Ma, how long
are you staying?

2507
01:46:22,680 --> 01:46:23,966
We'll see.

2508
01:46:24,040 --> 01:46:26,168
FLOO: Earl and I may
stay awhile, too.

2509
01:46:26,240 --> 01:46:27,571
They have a big house.
(EXHALES)

2510
01:46:28,720 --> 01:46:30,848
Sorry that took so long.
Here, honey.

2511
01:46:30,920 --> 01:46:34,367
Just let me finish
these release papers
and you'll be on your way.

2512
01:46:34,800 --> 01:46:36,564
HENRY: Thanks, you've
been very helpful.

2513
01:46:37,640 --> 01:46:39,961
(BOTH SIGHING)

2514
01:46:40,240 --> 01:46:42,766
Well, that was one of our
more eventful Mother's Days.

2515
01:46:42,840 --> 01:46:46,526
I mean, to be honest,
I really prefer
the really boring, sweet,

2516
01:46:46,600 --> 01:46:49,171
burnt pancakes in bed,
you know what I mean?

2517
01:46:49,920 --> 01:46:51,251
I'm sorry about yesterday.

2518
01:46:54,240 --> 01:46:55,810
That party was
really stupid.

2519
01:46:56,040 --> 01:46:57,246
I can't believe
you had a llama.

2520
01:46:57,320 --> 01:46:58,446
I can't believe
I had a llama.

2521
01:46:58,520 --> 01:46:59,681
And an alpaca.

2522
01:46:59,880 --> 01:47:03,680
(CHUCKLES)
Hey, kids, what do you say
we go to IHOP for dinner?

2523
01:47:03,840 --> 01:47:05,080
Yeah!
Breakfast for dinner.

2524
01:47:05,240 --> 01:47:06,321
Yeah.

2525
01:47:06,440 --> 01:47:08,249
Your mom and I
just have to wait
for this paperwork.

2526
01:47:08,320 --> 01:47:09,810
We'll be a few minutes.

2527
01:47:10,040 --> 01:47:12,042
Yeah, we'll just
wait in the car.

2528
01:47:12,120 --> 01:47:13,849
Okay, come on, boys.
Come on.

2529
01:47:18,440 --> 01:47:19,726
Hey, Sandy.

2530
01:47:19,800 --> 01:47:21,882
Hey, Sandy
with two sons!

2531
01:47:22,080 --> 01:47:23,844
(RACHEL AND VICKY LAUGHING)

2532
01:47:25,200 --> 01:47:26,440
(CHUCKLES)

2533
01:47:34,680 --> 01:47:39,004
So, who's
Captain Pink Pants?

2534
01:47:39,560 --> 01:47:41,767
Oh!
(LAUGHS)

2535
01:47:42,080 --> 01:47:43,445
Uh, first of all,
they're salmon.

2536
01:47:43,560 --> 01:47:45,688
Oh, is that
what those were?
And they're cute.

2537
01:47:46,680 --> 01:47:48,011
Anyone I should
know about?

2538
01:47:48,120 --> 01:47:51,090
Oh, trust me, I'll shock
you when it's permanent.
(CHUCKLES)

2539
01:47:51,240 --> 01:47:54,722
Yeah, and does he know
how you hate beards?
Oh...

2540
01:47:55,040 --> 01:47:58,089
You know what,
I think it's actually
quite sexy on him.

2541
01:47:58,200 --> 01:47:59,281
Oh...

2542
01:48:00,080 --> 01:48:01,320
And we're back
to normal.

2543
01:48:01,400 --> 01:48:02,561
Yeah.
(CHUCKLES)

2544
01:48:06,600 --> 01:48:08,125
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)

2545
01:48:13,920 --> 01:48:15,001
GUEST: Uh-oh.
GUEST: Whoo!

2546
01:48:19,440 --> 01:48:21,169
This is just
how I pictured it.

2547
01:48:27,840 --> 01:48:29,330
(WEDDING MUSIC PLAYING)

2548
01:48:33,480 --> 01:48:35,050
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)

2549
01:48:38,920 --> 01:48:40,809
Can we vow this up, please?

2550
01:48:40,880 --> 01:48:42,882
We got people
waiting for tables.

2551
01:48:43,160 --> 01:48:44,161
Oh...

2552
01:48:45,720 --> 01:48:46,721
(CHUCKLES)
Oh.

2553
01:48:47,560 --> 01:48:48,561
All right.

2554
01:48:50,120 --> 01:48:53,169
LANCE: We are gathered here
to unite these two souls.

2555
01:48:53,400 --> 01:48:55,084
Who is giving
this young lady away?

2556
01:48:55,200 --> 01:48:58,807
I do, but I'm going
to hold onto this one
a little longer.

2557
01:49:00,200 --> 01:49:01,770
LANCE: Zack, do you take...
I do.

2558
01:49:02,040 --> 01:49:04,202
(CHUCKLES)
Before she
changes her mind.

2559
01:49:04,880 --> 01:49:06,211
And do you, Kristin?

2560
01:49:07,080 --> 01:49:10,163
I do, and I won't
be changing my mind.

2561
01:49:10,360 --> 01:49:13,409
I now pronounce
you husband and wife.

2562
01:49:15,480 --> 01:49:17,050
If you don't kiss her,
I will.

2563
01:49:17,200 --> 01:49:18,201
(LAUGHTER)

2564
01:49:18,360 --> 01:49:19,691
(ALL CHEERING)

2565
01:49:25,160 --> 01:49:26,571
I'm very calm right now.

2566
01:49:26,640 --> 01:49:28,051
I see that.
I'm very happy.

2567
01:49:28,160 --> 01:49:29,924
That's very nice.
Let's take a picture
of that.

2568
01:49:30,040 --> 01:49:31,883
Hold it high so we
both look skinny.

2569
01:49:41,360 --> 01:49:42,930
It's nothing.
I'm fine.

2570
01:49:43,000 --> 01:49:44,525
I know, it's fine.
Don't worry about it.

2571
01:49:44,640 --> 01:49:46,608
It's not scary, okay?
Scary.

2572
01:49:46,680 --> 01:49:47,841
It's not scary.

2573
01:49:57,640 --> 01:49:59,005
Isn't that obvious?
(BALLOON BURSTS)

2574
01:49:59,560 --> 01:50:00,800
(GRUNTING)

2575
01:50:00,880 --> 01:50:02,041
Man down.

2576
01:50:06,680 --> 01:50:07,727
(GRUNTS)

2577
01:50:07,800 --> 01:50:11,088
Come on, come on, come on!
Seriously? All right.

2578
01:50:15,200 --> 01:50:17,282
Hey. This is not a stadium,
it's a lobby.

2579
01:50:17,360 --> 01:50:19,966
MAN: Yeah, your hat, Hector!
Put on your hat.

2580
01:50:20,040 --> 01:50:21,451
What?

2581
01:50:21,520 --> 01:50:23,204
All right, this is not...
This is the wrong borough.

2582
01:50:23,280 --> 01:50:24,725
I'm from Manhattan.
The other one.

2583
01:50:24,800 --> 01:50:25,801
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
(CHUCKLES)

2584
01:50:25,880 --> 01:50:26,881
Okay, we're ready.

2585
01:50:26,960 --> 01:50:28,644
How's this going?
This is going to
work very well.

2586
01:50:28,720 --> 01:50:32,008
(IN ACCENT)
Okay. This is not a stadium,
this is a lobby.

2587
01:50:32,080 --> 01:50:33,650
You were not
an essay-contest winner.

2588
01:50:33,720 --> 01:50:37,884
But I do have this
100% hypoallergenic
right-side out bra,

2589
01:50:38,000 --> 01:50:40,048
(GASPS)
for you to wear
home since you're

2590
01:50:40,440 --> 01:50:43,046
exposed on that side.
Oh, that's so
kind of you.

2591
01:50:43,120 --> 01:50:44,121
(SNAPS FINGERS)

2592
01:50:44,480 --> 01:50:45,925
Thank you.
Pop that on.
Gold plated.

2593
01:50:46,000 --> 01:50:47,286
Is this yours?
Well...

2594
01:50:47,400 --> 01:50:48,401
(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

2595
01:50:55,560 --> 01:50:59,167
It's one really... long train.
(ALL LAUGHING)

2596
01:50:59,240 --> 01:51:00,571
Jesus!

2597
01:51:02,680 --> 01:51:03,681
(SIGHS)

2598
01:51:08,520 --> 01:51:10,522
I need to shave my
legs again quickly.
(CREW LAUGHING)

2599
01:51:11,400 --> 01:51:12,640
WOMAN: Hold him still.
Okay.

2600
01:51:12,720 --> 01:51:14,370
(BOTH YELLING)

2601
01:51:14,480 --> 01:51:15,606
He's moving.

2602
01:51:15,680 --> 01:51:18,081
Tanner, no, no, no, no,
not on her bag!

2603
01:51:20,400 --> 01:51:21,925
It's, like, the fourth
time he's done this.

2604
01:51:23,440 --> 01:51:25,442
Enough with
the surprises, Sandy.

2605
01:51:25,520 --> 01:51:27,249
Sandy? I'm Sandy.

2606
01:51:27,800 --> 01:51:29,290
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm not here
for a picture.

2607
01:51:29,400 --> 01:51:30,845
I'm here...
I'm here to show Julia.

2608
01:51:31,000 --> 01:51:32,445
(ALL LAUGHING)

2609
01:51:36,960 --> 01:51:37,961
(GRUNTS)

2610
01:51:39,120 --> 01:51:40,770
Justified.

2611
01:51:42,480 --> 01:51:45,165
Sweetie, sweetie, your banana.
Sorry, your banana.

2612
01:51:45,280 --> 01:51:46,281
Ow!
Oh!

2613
01:51:46,840 --> 01:51:48,968
Whoa!
(PEOPLE GASP)

2614
01:51:49,120 --> 01:51:50,645
(LAUGHS AND SIGHS)

2615
01:51:52,360 --> 01:51:53,361
(GRUNTS)

2616
01:51:53,600 --> 01:51:54,840
Oh, it's connected
to a string.

2617
01:51:54,920 --> 01:51:56,968
What? This is a big joke.

2618
01:51:57,120 --> 01:51:59,521
Maybe it's dental floss.
New thing dentists are doing.

2619
01:52:01,600 --> 01:52:03,329
Happy Mother's Day!

2620
01:58:45,040 --> 01:58:46,644
MAN: Went actually very well.
MIRANDA: She's so good!

2621
01:58:46,720 --> 01:58:48,643
Yay.
MAN: Go again.