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Hi there. It has been a while since I have felt the need to explain current and (predict) future thoughts/plans regarding my stream. I'm happy for that, I will say. I used to grasp at straws looking for some sort of ... closure?--I guess, or peace of mind, with these pastenovels. I think that means I'm happier than I was the last couple years if I haven't needed to write shit down in a weird bout of desperation.... I'll take it! Because, in reality, to me, it's absolutely pointless to be typing this right now and to have typed all those other pastebins. I can do whatever I please with my stream. My intentions have no obligation. My competitiveness can come and go. My amount of free time will vary, both from duty and prioritization. My audience doesn't need to know my personal life. And really... everything with Twitch can just gently float along with the breeze of the wind. I realize all of this.


Buuuut, sometimes I just feel backed into a wall. Inexplicably.

So here's my attempt at jotting down my mind, as of 5/16/16, for my own sake and for anyone else that cares to read, in relevance of course to and only to everything Twitch related.


After about 4 years of speedrunning, I truly feel like motivation this time for real is coming to a crawl. Not the motivation to play/stream, but the motivation to keep up...to try. I'm honestly sick of the effort and time that it takes to PB or WR in these same damn games I've played all this time. I no longer want to care about the whole remaining competitive or "relevant" thing. Spyro/Crash speedrunning in particular. If I can allow myself, and so long as something unexpected like a big change of heart or some rush of motivation doesn't occur, I am, once again, announcing retirement. Hopefully, for my sake, I can now commit to the statement.

What does this mean? This simply means I won't consider myself a slave to the leaderboards anymore. If I lose every 1st place spot, I want to be happy for the success of others, not sad for my 'losses'. I don't want to get involved in any more record-chasing, -defending, -obsessing. I am revoking any and all care for competition in the games. That's it really. I'll still run 'em, probably some dumb, made up categories, or funruns of real categories. + Races on occasion? Whatever it be. A normal timer may be a lot more common than splits.

Sadly (for me), Crash 3 is the one game I want to remain on top and can't shake that. Therefore, I will not be stopping with it until 2 final goals are met, no matter how painful the grinds end up.

2:05 — 105%
0:44 — any%

I don't care how long it takes, how short it takes. How fun or unfun it is. I don't even care if someone comes out of nowhere and gets 2:03 and 43 before I hit my goals. All I know is these will be my goals, my final mark on the game -- they are my maximum I'm aware of and hitting them will be a priority for the upcoming months. I won't back out of these goals.


So with Crash 3 on the "Don't actually ~want~ to but forcing myself to" list, (A list that's been a thing far too long -_-) what do I actually want to do for fun? What should you expect to see?

-- Yu-gi-oh Forbidden Memories
Interestingly, I want to long-term keep running this game. With my PB at 4:45, I can't guarantee I'll ever improve it again, but I want to try. And provided our beloved community wants to keep racin', I will probably still race it whenever I can. It's just too good. Love this game. It brings out the best and the worst of me sometimes. I'll happily take the dangerous levels of salt on a regular basis if I can revel in the absolute bliss of things going well that 1% of the time, though.
-- Crash Bash (now's a good reminder that all of this, again, is written as of my thoughts /TODAY/ and can change, lol)
I've wanted to go for a better time in this game, and in general get better at the game for a long time now. Seeing Pie's mastery of the game in subbing 10 with every class (or at least sub 11, I forget) 200% during Bash Week was one of the most inspiring things I've seen in a long time, if I'm honest.

I want these two to be my main pursuits for some time. If you couldn't tell, this goes back to how I stated before I'm tired of the hard work it takes to PB. So I'm leaving it up to the random number generator. Therefore, practice and the skills built with grinding are eliminated. I've finally truly lost it. ;)

Unfortunately both of these games take a long time to run, at least 2h+ for the shortest category (that I care about) between the two. As some of you know by my frequent complaining, I don't have the kind of time I did in years past. I will happily fill in time with any of the following, at random:

-- Spyro/Crash runs
Yes, again, I'm only retiring from being competitive :^) I still love these games and will happily play whenever. maybe meme categories. maybe not~
-- Super Mario Sunshine
Part of me wants to go back and improve my any% time. Or not improve and just do some bad runs. I don't know, don't care. I might be playing this at random.
-- casual stuff that isn't speedrunning
It's possible? With April perhaps?
-- Anything else I've streamed in the past consider it fair game
Frogger? Worms 3D? Melee? Pong? And the more typical stuff -- Ape Escape, etc.

In general there should be a lot more variety, as (vehemently) opposed to the style of streaming that consisted of "Play Game X and only Game X for 3 months to grind out a WR" that mostly went on the past few years. Here's to streaming, speedrunning, and laziness. B)


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																  → the tl;dr ←
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Will be attempting Crash 3 for 2:05 105% and 44 any%. Planned to be my final competitive/WR grinds. Gonna relax with RNG speedgaming (FM, Bash) and incorporate variety -- whatever I feel like streaming -- a ton more. Will be nothing but supportive if person/people pass me up on any leaderboard.


Still some things to say I feel like, and some better wording to be had on what IS here, but perhaps another time . . .
thanks for reading,
→saboom