03[23:25] * alexs (cgiirc@Rizon-BEE78A5.wi.res.rr.com) has joined #SchoolSurvival
[23:29] <alexs> hey guys
[23:29] <Duelix> I'll attract them
[23:29] <Duelix> Hello alexs
[23:29] <Duelix> I am the most famous and hated SS user of all time
[23:31] <Duelix> alexss
[23:31] <Duelix> alexs
[23:32] <Duelix> I got banned because I told the story of how I got raped in the boy's bathroom in school
[23:32] <Duelix> Soulriser thought it was too graphic and banned me
[23:32] <Duelix> I ended up cutting myself the same day
[23:32] <alexs> hey duelix
[23:33] <alexs> oh that was unexpected.
[23:33] <Duelix> It was
[23:34] <alexs> when did you get raped?
[23:34] <Duelix> In the toilet stall
[23:34] <alexs> this year or today?
[23:35] <alexs> when not where.
[23:35] <Duelix> This year during the summer
[23:35] <Duelix> Right at the end of the school year
02[23:37] * Disconnected
Session Close: Mon Jul 27 23:37:40 2015

Session Start: Mon Jul 27 23:37:40 2015
Session Ident: #SchoolSurvival
02[23:38] * Attempting to rejoin channel #SchoolSurvival
03[23:38] * Rejoined channel #SchoolSurvival
03[23:38] * Topic is '[www.school-survival.net] | forums.school-survival.net | If you hate school, there is nothing wrong with you. | Hangouts Weds @ 7PM, Thurs @ 7PM'
03[23:38] * Set by xcriteria!~xcriteria@33E43111.F4A29B10.5A5AA2CD.IP on Tue Apr 21 12:42:08 2015
[23:38] <alexs> to find some emotional comfort and support.
[23:38] <Duelix> I got more support
[23:38] <Duelix> when I found the dude
[23:38] <Duelix>  And smashed his skull in with a rock
[23:38] <Duelix> I pissed in his eyeball
[23:39] <Duelix> I cut off his balls with a scalpel
02[23:39] * Smokeyu (~FUN@Rizon-6060E317.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com) Quit (Ping timeout: 240 seconds)
[23:39] <alexs> are you being hyperbolic?
[23:39] <Duelix> No
[23:39] <Duelix> I had a scalpel because my dad is a surgeon
[23:39] <Duelix> I followed him to his house
[23:39] <Duelix> When he opened the door
[23:40] <Duelix> I ran up to him and put it to his throat
[23:40] <Duelix> I whispered in his ear
02[23:42] * Disconnected
Session Close: Mon Jul 27 23:42:36 2015

Session Start: Mon Jul 27 23:42:36 2015
Session Ident: #SchoolSurvival
02[23:42] * Attempting to rejoin channel #SchoolSurvival
03[23:42] * Rejoined channel #SchoolSurvival
03[23:42] * Topic is '[www.school-survival.net] | forums.school-survival.net | If you hate school, there is nothing wrong with you. | Hangouts Weds @ 7PM, Thurs @ 7PM'
03[23:42] * Set by xcriteria!~xcriteria@33E43111.F4A29B10.5A5AA2CD.IP on Tue Apr 21 12:42:08 2015
[23:42] <Duelix> *put gauze over to apply pleasure to prevent blood loss
[23:42] <alexs> i'm worried you might get banned
[23:42] <alexs> and just get more angry
[23:42] <Duelix> well, that is what already happened
[23:43] <Duelix> He passed out
[23:43] <Duelix> I walked out of the house
[23:43] <Duelix> The whole time I wore gloves so there were no fingerprints
[23:43] <Duelix> If he snitches he'll get the shit beaten out of him in the community
[23:43] <Duelix> So I feel better now
[23:44] <Duelix> Honestly I thought that SS could give me some advice but now I feel a whole lot better
[23:44] <Duelix> He won't be raping anyone else
02[23:44] * Smokeyuu (~FUN@Rizon-6060E317.cpe.net.cable.rogers.com) Quit (Ping timeout: 240 seconds)
[23:44] <Duelix> I did a service to the world
[23:44] <alexs> I'm sorry that has happened to you.
[23:45] <Duelix> I'm sorry it did too
[23:45] <Duelix> Soul just banned me for posting the story
[23:46] <Duelix> I was pretty sad when that happened honestly
[23:47] <Duelix> but I dealt with the problem my own way
[23:47] <Duelix> I've always dealt with my own problems
01[23:48] <Smokeyu> i heard most people orgasm when they get raped
01[23:48] <Smokeyu> did you?
[23:49] <Duelix> The other dude came too soon
[23:49] <Duelix> It takes a while for me to get off from anal stimulation, and I wasn't feeling it
[23:49] <Duelix> He didn't even wear a condom
[23:49] <Duelix> I might have AIDS, knowing his reputation
01[23:50] <Smokeyu> well if youre lucky it could be something treatable like syphilis
[23:51] <Duelix> I hope so
[23:51] <Duelix> honestly I'm still mad at SS and Soulriser
[23:51] <Duelix> I can't believe she just shut me down like that
01[23:53] <Smokeyu> yea ive raped a few dudes and stalked them for a while afterwards
01[23:53] <Smokeyu> it's disgusting how male rape victims are treated
01[23:53] <Smokeyu> you brought him to justice
[23:55] <Duelix> I know
[23:55] <Duelix> I feel a lot better
02[23:56] * Duelix (cgiirc@Rizon-C66D8009.bstnma.fios.verizon.net) Quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
03[23:56] * Duelix (cgiirc@Rizon-C66D8009.bstnma.fios.verizon.net) has joined #SchoolSurvival
[23:56] <Duelix> life is just sad sometimes
[23:57] <Duelix>  I don't know
01[23:59] <Smokeyu> its a doggy dog world
Session Time: Tue Jul 28 00:00:00 2015
[00:07] <Duelix> alexs
[00:07] <Duelix> are you ignoring me
[00:07] <Duelix> you must be like all the other friends who abandoned me after this happened
[00:08] <Duelix> I think I'm going to cut myself again
[00:08] <alexs> sorry
[00:09] <alexs> i'm talking with multiple people, i didn't mean to upset you.
[00:09] <alexs> i just needed to look over a few things.
[00:10] <Duelix> You're like everyone else. I'm always the second priority
[00:10] <alexs> I'm sorry, i meant no disrespect.
[00:11] <alexs> I'm just the kind of guy that has multiple tabs open when i use the internet.
[00:11] <Duelix> It's OK
[00:11] <Duelix> I forgive you
[00:11] <Duelix> I already cut myself though
[00:11] <alexs> i know
[00:12] <Duelix> Sometimes this scalpel makes me hate myself, you kow
[00:12] <Duelix> But I keep it next to me all the time now
[00:12] <Duelix> The next time someone tries anything
[00:13] <Duelix> This will be straight into their intestines
[00:13] <Duelix> I will hook it in and laugh at their failure as the gastric juices pour from them
[00:14] <Duelix> Either way, could you share my story for me on SS?
[00:14] <alexs> I don't know how to respond to that.
[00:14] <Duelix> I feel like we need to raise awareness
[00:14] <Duelix> don't say my name
[00:14] <Duelix> Just put it in third person
[00:14] <Duelix> Try to keep all the details but don't mention my name
[00:15] <Duelix> Soulriser said that I should go elsewhere and I don't belong here because my problems might make kids uncomfortable
[00:15] <Duelix> That made me really sad because other people might be experiencing the same thing
01[00:15] <Smokeyu> you really got banned because you decided to get justice for yourself?
[00:16] <Duelix> Yeah, I told the whole story
[00:16] <Duelix> Soulriser said I was vindictive
[00:16] <Duelix> I hadn't done all the justice yet
[00:16] <Duelix> I was just describing my ideas
[00:16] <Duelix> After I got banned and it all got deleted
[00:16] <Duelix> I acted it out
[00:16] <Duelix> Anyway, I just want my story heard, I don't want my name involved
01[00:16] <Smokeyu> wow
01[00:16] <Smokeyu> thats just wrong
01[00:17] <Smokeyu> regardless of reputation, you can't just give someone that's hurting the boot
[00:18] <Duelix> It saddens me. Hopefully someone can tell my story.
01[00:18] <Smokeyu> alexs you're our only hope
[00:18] <alexs> i have other priorities right now
[00:18] <Duelix> Wow
[00:19] <Duelix> I guess you're like all the kids at school
[00:19] <Duelix> they just laughed when I told them
[00:19] <Duelix> No one cares
[00:19] <Duelix> No one wants to hear because they want to pretend that it never happened
[00:19] <Duelix> I think I should just kill myself
[00:19] <alexs> i have other things in my life, i can't become an activist at the moment.
[00:19] <Duelix> I don't matter, clearly
[00:19] <Duelix> You don't need to be an activist
[00:19] <Duelix> just share my story on SS at least, since they should know. I was a well known user here, people should here about this but they aren't
[00:20] <Duelix> *hear
[00:20] <Duelix> Some people saw the post but it disappeared and so did I, just share the story without the name and people will know what's up
[00:20] <Duelix> I don't think I can handle sharing this again
[00:20] <Duelix> It's giving me panic attacks and PTSD
[00:21] <alexs> why not share it on facebook?
01[00:21] <Smokeyu> raising awareness of male rape survivors and the effects their encounter has on their psyche is activism??
[00:21] <Duelix> I don't want any one to know
[00:21] <Duelix> They will disown me
[00:21] <Duelix> I will be exiled
[00:21] <Duelix> I come from a super homophobic place
[00:21] <Duelix> I want to know what people think about what I did
[00:21] <Duelix> Whether it was justified or not
[00:21] <Duelix> I just want my story shared
[00:21] <Duelix> Maybe you could tone it down a bit
[00:21] <Duelix> I was really angry when it happened, not dispassionate like with you
[00:22] <Duelix> I was cursing and stuff, and Soulriser said it wasn't acceptable
[00:22] <Duelix> Just tell the story like it is, say it was "a friend of a friend" to whom it happened
[00:22] <Duelix> and ask whether the response was justified
[00:22] <Duelix> I really want to hear because I care deeply about the SS opinion, and I never got it, and it made me spiral into a depression
[00:23] <Duelix> I just want the inner conflict to be resolved
[00:23] <Duelix> Was I right or wrong
[00:23] <Duelix> I just don't know, and my community is so evil I will never get the right answer
02[00:27] * Disconnected
Session Close: Tue Jul 28 00:27:25 2015

Session Start: Tue Jul 28 00:27:25 2015
Session Ident: #SchoolSurvival
02[00:27] * Attempting to rejoin channel #SchoolSurvival
03[00:27] * Rejoined channel #SchoolSurvival
03[00:27] * Topic is '[www.school-survival.net] | forums.school-survival.net | If you hate school, there is nothing wrong with you. | Hangouts Weds @ 7PM, Thurs @ 7PM'
03[00:27] * Set by xcriteria!~xcriteria@33E43111.F4A29B10.5A5AA2CD.IP on Tue Apr 21 12:42:08 2015
01[00:28] <Smokeyu> sounds like the definition of justice tbh
[00:29] <Duelix> If only people could understand... someone has to speak for me
01[00:30] <Smokeyu> i dont have a good reputation so i'd probably just get banned too
[00:32] <Duelix> Honestly, I think I'm going to kill myself if I can't share this
01[00:32] <Smokeyu> :(
[00:32] <Duelix> It's like I'm living a lie
[00:33] <Duelix> If no one hears.
[00:33] <Duelix> I have this scalpel
[00:33] <Duelix> It's my jugular
[00:33] <Duelix> My only friends were on SS in the past
[00:33] <Duelix> granted we had a rocky relationship
[00:33] <Duelix> but they were my only friends, and now they think I just disappeared
[00:33] <Duelix> I think I'm going to do it if you don't help
01[00:34] <Smokeyu> alexs come on
[00:34] <alexs> i'm here
[00:35] <alexs> i'm here
[00:35] <alexs> what can i do to help you?
[00:35] <Duelix> just don't mention my name. Say it was a friend of a friend and describe what happened, every detail
[00:36] <Duelix> ask whether you think he did the right thing
[00:36] <Duelix> that's all I want to know
[00:36] <alexs> if the banning was justified?
02[00:37] * Duelix (cgiirc@Rizon-C66D8009.bstnma.fios.verizon.net) Quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
03[00:37] * Duelix (cgiirc@Rizon-C66D8009.bstnma.fios.verizon.net) has joined #SchoolSurvival
[00:37] <Duelix> I don't care about the banning
[00:37] <Duelix> Just share my story
[00:37] <Duelix> in a very calm manner
[00:37] <Duelix> but don't leave out the details
[00:37] <Duelix> put up a poll and ask if it was right so I can read opinions
[00:37] <Duelix> That's all I want
[00:39] <Duelix> could you do that for me?
[00:39] <alexs> I don't do that sort of thing, i prefere to talk to you directly, and you shouldn't care what others think of you. maybe what you should do is some introspection, evaluate your own morals and values and decide if your actions violated your code.
[00:40] <alexs> if you don't have a moral code then think about what an ideal human would be and strive to meet that criteria.
02[00:42] * Duelix (cgiirc@Rizon-C66D8009.bstnma.fios.verizon.net) Quit
03[00:42] * Duelix (~qwebirc@Rizon-C66D8009.bstnma.fios.verizon.net) has joined #SchoolSurvival
[00:42] <alexs> try to control your emotions, and set them aside for a moment and think about the person you want to be.
[00:42] <Duelix> I just want opinions
[00:42] <Duelix> from the people on SS who respect me
[00:42] <Duelix> or did
[00:42] <Duelix> I want them indirectly
[00:42] <Duelix> So I can make a better judgement
[00:44] <Duelix> Why can't you speak for me?
[00:44] <alexs> sometimes you need to do that for yourself
[00:44] <Duelix> Is that too much for you? Is it too much effort?
[00:44] <Duelix> Yeah well I FUCKING CAN'T
[00:44] <Duelix> WHY IS IT
[00:44] <Duelix> THAT OTHER PEOPLE ARE ALLOWED TO TALK ABOUT THEIR HSIT
[00:44] <Duelix> It's not OK for me because I lost my cool a couple times
[00:44] <Duelix>  everyone else can use SS
[00:44] <Duelix> I can't
[00:45] <Duelix> it's like I'm cursed
[00:45] <Duelix> all I want is for people to hear my story and tell me what they think
[00:45] <Duelix> no one will speak for me because I'm worthless
[00:45] <Duelix> I think it's over
[00:45] <Duelix> fuck it
[00:45] <alexs> no
[00:45] <alexs> how about this
[00:46] <alexs> how about you write how you feel on a blog and send me a personal private message on facebook and i can look it over and reflect upon it and give you my thoughts.
[00:46] <alexs> https://www.facebook.com/alex.scott.773981
[00:47] <Duelix> I don't have a facebook
[00:47] <Duelix> when people started bullying me
[00:47] <alexs> then send me an email.
[00:47] <Duelix> what about thoughts from the rest of SS?
[00:49] <alexs> sometimes it's best to keep things personal, if you really need help, you can talk to a professional or close friend, if that doesn't help then introspection can be an answer.
[00:50] <Duelix> why? I used to always post my personal stuff on SS
[00:51] <alexs> well, you might get banned for doing that.
[00:53] <alexs> duelix, i have to go to bed soon, at midnight is when i leave.
[00:54] <Duelix> I don't think it's worth it to live any more
[00:54] <Duelix> I guess this is goodbye
[00:54] <Duelix> Bye
03[00:54] * Duelix (~qwebirc@Rizon-C66D8009.bstnma.fios.verizon.net) has left #SchoolSurvival
[00:54] <alexs> bye
01[00:54] <Smokeyu> alexs was it really too hard to do a small favour for him?
01[00:54] <Smokeyu> he's been through a lot
[00:56] <alexs> i wanted a more direct way of helping him
[00:56] <alexs> and i can't save everyone.
[00:56] <alexs> bye and goodnight.
02[00:56] * alexs (cgiirc@Rizon-BEE78A5.wi.res.rr.com) Quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
02[00:58] * Chanku (KiwiIRC@Rizon-1832D998.hsd1.tn.comcast.net) Quit (Quit: http://www.kiwiirc.com/ - A hand crafted IRC client)