Amelia on the Owl Express

A few notes: This story is inspired by the “Murder on the Owl Express” level in A Hat in Time.  A Hat in Time is owned by Gears for Breakfast and I do not own any rights to anything A Hat in Time related. Enjoy the story!

P.S.
Please give the Conductor a scottish accent. ;)

	“Whoo-Whoo!”

The sound of the train’s whistle had interrupted Amelia from her nap. The train had just left the station and was headed towards the destination of no name, for Amelia in a sleepy daze had forgotten the name of the city in which her uncle lived in. She was to be there by tomorrow for a special visit, a tradition she had followed since she was a child. But, she was not prepared for what was in store on the Owl Express.

By that time, the Conductor had come out to greet everyone. He, like everyone else, was an owl. The owls managing the train were guarding a suspicious door, but that wasn’t nearly as suspicious as the crow detectives whose business was unknown. A little later, the Conductor had announced that he was to film a movie on the train soon, and that the guarded door supposedly contained actors, though Amelia did not see them board the train. She must have been sleeping during most of the preparation for the train’s departure. The train had become very cold by then, so Amelia wrapped her brown, striped scarf tightly and began to explore the train.

“Hello there fellow express owl!” said a nearby crow detective.

Not a peep came from Amelia.

“How are you doing this very fine day?” he continued.

Amelia, a bit worried, still did not reply.

“Say, does your mother have a brother?” he continued the conversation.

Amelia slowly nodded.

“What is the name of your mother’s brother?”


“Mr. Feathers” Amelia finally responded.

“Hmmm, interesting.” The crow paused for while.

“Mr. Feathers is a very nice name, especially for a mother’s brother’s name.” The crow said very suspiciously.

Amelia noticed he was writing something in his notepad, but he wrote too quickly for her to see.

“Well it was nice meeting you, fellow express owl.” He finally concluded. “I shall see you later.”

“Indeed, Sir crow.” Amelia tried to say back, but before she knew it he was gone.

Upon Amelia came a similar situation, but with a different crow. Greeted by the same, “Hello there fellow Express Owl!” Amelia began to think this whole thing was a joke. This time he asked for her name, to which she responded, “Amelia Feathers.” After doing so the second crow, who looked quite similar to the last one, also disappeared. Wondering how long this trip might last, Amelia decided to go ask the conductor, who was in the engine room. But when she got there, nothing was in the room but a wrapped present labeled, “Amelia”, and a ringing telephone. Amelia decided to pick up the phone.

“YoU bEtTeR gO tO tHe BaCk Of ThE tRaIn!”, said a loud, raspy voice that made Amelia jump out of her feathers.

“YoU hAvE a FaMiLy MeMbEr ThErE tO sEe YoU!” the voice continued before hanging up.

Confused, Amelia took the present and headed to the back of the train, where doom surely awaited.

* * *
	“A m-m-murder?! On my Owl Express?!”

Amelia opened the door to the last compartment, where a terrible scene lay before her eyes. There was an owl guard dead on the floor, a knife stabbed through his back, a weird cardboard cut-out of  Amelia’s uncle, and what looked like blood everywhere, although Amelia could not tell, because the entire story was in sepia tone.

“How could this happen! Who could have done this! I’ll beat the bloody peck out of them!” the Conductor said angrily. There was lots of murmuring until finally an entire group of identical crows appeared what seemed out of nowhere.

“We can help find evidence, if you would like our help in finding this evidence.” all of them said unanimously.

“I’ll accept anyone who wants to help find the bloody peck who did this!” yelled the Conductor, stomping his “feet” into the ground.

“Very well. We shall find this ‘bloody peck’ you speak of. We will return in one Owl Hour. Owl of us will see that you get revenge.” the crows said. And with that, they were gone in a flash.

As soon as the crows left, the Conductor began to sob and everyone began to murmur. Everyone except Amelia, who was still wondering whether the owl really was covered in blood. After a significant amount of time of thinking, Amelia remembered the mysterious present. After ages of trying to open it due to her wings, she finally got the wrapped box to reveal it’s contents. Inside the box was what looked like a detective outfit. Amelia realized what she had to do and got changed into it. To her convenience, it was just her size, and it was stylish. After all, if you’re going to solve a murder, might as well look good while doing so. Amelia also realized that if she was going to go in there undetected, she’d need to be armed. She pulled out all she had, her “finger” gun, and climbed through the vent into the next carriage, in hopes of finding evidence and who these suspicious crows were.

1 Owl Hour Left

The vent was very cold, and when Amelia came to the end, there were icicles hanging from her nose, which she thought briefly about how they would be the perfect murder weapon, before remembering what she was doing. Assessing the situation, Amelia decided to fly over everything silently. Being a bird was cawsome. Distracted by the greatness of her own pun, she forgot what she was doing and flew straight into a carriage window, but luckily, all of the crows were listening to music on their amazing Apple devices. (#notsponsored) After recovering, she blended in with the shadows and found a case file. Evidence! Amelia tucked it into her bag and went through the next door, which luckily was guarded by a sleeping crow.

50 Owl Minutes Left

	A wonderful aroma wafted through the air. The crows may have been suspicious, but they were wonderful cookatiels. Amelia snuck around to see what they were cooking. It was Amelia’s favorite dish, mashed potatoes. It couldn’t hurt to take one bite, could it? Amelia decided to go for it, and when the time was right, she scuttled over and took a bite. It was delicious! These crows really knew how to cook. Just another bite, they won’t notice. But Amelia didn’t have just one more bite, she ate the rest of it until the pot looked brand new. Surprised by how hungry she was, she almost didn’t notice the case file in there. Quickly stuffing the evidence into her bag, she remembered there were guards and got out of there as quickly as possible. It was only a matter of time before anyone noticed she was in the bathroom for quite a long time.

40 Owl Minutes Left

	Amelia heard a yell from the door behind her. That chef crow did not seem emused. The next room was an eating area, where a lot of crows sat around tables, talon each other jokes. They seemed to be too concentrated on their own jokes to see anything far away. Amelia had to make sure not to be in their line of sight, or laugh.

“Could you sparrow a moment to ask a few questions?” One crow said.

“Sure, but no hawkward questions.” The other one replied.

Laughter filled the air, and after holding in her laugh, Amelia noticed that when the crows were laughing, they weren’t paying attention to anything. Amelia took this as a moment of chance to rush by quickly, but she decided to stay for a few jokes.

“Crow number 59, you quack me up!” One of the crows managed to say.

“Well don’t laugh too much. If you do pretty soon you might need some medical tweetment.” Said crow number 59.

As they were laughing, Amelia took her chance. She quickly rushed by and tripped. After noticing what she had tripped on was another case file, she hoped she didn’t cause too much noise. Amelia slipped it into her trusty bag and headed to the next room, hearing faint sounds of laughter.

30 Owl Minutes Left

	Next up was the music room. For some reason, the crows were playing jazz. They weren’t really searching for clues, were they? In fact, they were quite a birden. Amelia noticed that not a crow, but a pelican, was playing what looked like her saxophone. They might have been better than Amelia, but she was still quite angry with this situation. That pelican might break it, giving her a huge bill. Amelia tried to shoot him out of anger with her “finger” gun, but then remembered that that isn’t how finger guns work, so she just waited for them to finish playing, and then as they were leaving Amelia pretended to shoot the pelican, and rushed over to her saxophone. While putting it away, she noticed a literal case file in her saxophone’s case. Quickly putting it in her bag, Amelia hid her saxophone where she could pick it up later, then put a sticky note on the pelican’s music stand. On the note read, “You sax!” Amelia heard a noise, and ran for the next door.

20 Owl Minutes Left

	Amelia found herself in her favorite place on the train so far. The library. Not sure how they could fit one on a train, but Amelia was still amazed. But she wasn’t as amazed when she caw what the crows were doing in here. They were using the books as weapons! Pages flew everywhere, and when Amelia noticed it was from her favorite book, she was filled with a murderous rage. Amelia knew that murder was illeagle but she did not care at this point. Holding back her “finger” gun, she was almost too angry to notice that one of the pages that flew out was yet another case file. Amelia snuck up behind the crow, taped their beaks shut, and tied them to a chair. She then knocked them out with the book they were ruining. Satisfied with her work, Amelia snatched the case file and went to the final room on the train, the engine room.

10 Owl Minutes Left

	Inside the engine room was absolutely nothing. Absolutely nothing but a case file and ringing telephone. Amelia went over to pick up the phone.

“I sEe YoU’rE dOiNg WeLl!” said the same raspy, mysterious voice.

“Indeed, Mr. Voice. This is quite an unpheasant situation I might add.” said Amelia.

“BiRd PuNs HuH? WeLl ToUcAn PlAy At ThAt GaMe! HAHAHAHA!” The voice screeched before hanging up.

Just as Amelia went to pick up the last case file, the train’s clock rang.

“Ding! Ding! Ding!”

Amelia rushed to get the case file in her bag and get to the back of the train as fast as possible.

* * *

	Making sure she grabbed her saxophone, Amelia climbed back through the vent into the bathroom. She could hear the crows just entering the last car on the train. Amelia walked out of the bathroom silently, trying to seem as unsuspicious as possible. The crows had come back, though a few of them were missing for reasons unbeknownst to the crows.

“We have returned.” the crows finally said after whispering to each other for a while.

“Well then? Whodunit?” the Conductor said eagerly.

“Er, um. We don’t know. We could not find any evidence.” The crows said worryingly.

“You good for nothing peck necks couldn’t find evidence if it was right in front of you! Now how are we supposed to find the murderer?!” the Conductor screeched back.

Amelia thought about what she should do. The crows and Conductor kept arguing. Amelia looked worried. Finally Amelia knew what to do.

“I know who did it!” Amelia interrupted.

There was a sudden silence. Everyone looked confused. After all, she was in the bathroom the entire time.

“Well then lassy! Go on! Spit it out!” the Conductor yelled. He clearly didn’t care who found the evidence as long as there was evidence.

Amelia opened her bag where the 6 case files stood there, waiting to be revealed. After thinking for a long time, Amelia decided who she should peck.

Pick ending 1 for the Conductor
Pick ending 2 for the Crow Detectives
Pick ending 3 for the Owl Guards
Pick ending 4 for the “Uncle”
Pick ending 5 for Amelia
Pick ending 6 for the Victim


Ending 1: And I would’ve gotten away with it if it wasn’t for you pecking children!

Amelia chose the first case file, which contained evidence that the Conductor did it. It showed a strange picture of the Conductor in a bikini, and a document written in chicken scratch.

“It was the Conductor!” Amelia shouted.

Gasps came from every corner of the room.

“Fine. You caught me. But it isn’t what it seems! This was all an act! He wasn’t even stabbed with a real knife! It was just a rubber knife!” the Conductor pleaded.

“Yeah, and this rubber knife is pretty uncomfortable.” the victim complained as he got up. He didn’t seem in pain at all despite his clear injuries.

“This was the movie that I was talking about! There were cameras all over the train, and everyone who participated gets paid. Especially you lassy! You played the lead role, getting the most money!” the Conductor said happily.

Everyone was fine and happy in the end, and Amelia became a great actress. Though something still felt strange about that cardboard cutout of her uncle.





Ending 2: Procrastination Explanation

Amelia chose the second case file, which contained evidence that the crows did it. Inside contained a baby picture of a crow detective, and a heavily inked page full of strange crimes about who crows what.

“The murder of crows did it!” Amelia said loudly.

No one seemed that surprised at this. It was pretty obvious they were the cawnvicts.

“Well, er, um.” All of them said at the same time. It was a very awkward situation.

After what seemed like an eternity, one of them finally blurted out, “We just wanted the train to ourselves to mess around! He’s not even actually dead! We just paid him to pretend to be dead so we could mess around!”

“It’s true. This is just a rubber knife. Which I must say is very annoying to have inside of me.” The victim said in a very normal voice.

“Well in any case, I’m glad everyone is okay.” the Conductor said, relieved. “Because then we wouldn’t be able to pay all of you for participating in our new film, Murder on the Owl Express!”

Everyone cheered throwing Amelia into the air. Amelia was excited she was going to be in a movie, though she wondered when they were going to finally arrive at their destination.


Ending 3: It was just a prank bro!

Amelia chose the third case file. It had turned out the Owls did it! Inside the case file showed a picture the Owls filming a prank video and some script for an online video Amelia didn’t give a hoot about.

“It was the Owl Guards!” Amelia said excitingly.

Everyone was especially surprised by this, so surprised one of the passengers fainted.

“Okay fine, it was us. But we have a perfectly good reason! We were trying to prank everyone on the train and so he agreed to go with the joke and pretend to be dead. We used a rubber knife instead, so no harm done, right?” One of the owls explained.

“Yep, and I don’t feel a thing.” the victim said.

Everyone rolled their eyes at the same time, but then quickly congratulated Amelia. Not aware of what was happening, the Conductor stopped everyone and explained.

“This whole thing was for our new film coming out lassy! We decided to make you the lead role, and will be inviting you to the premiere. See you then!”

Amelia was confused. What did this have to do with seeing her uncle?


Ending 4: A Family Visit?

	Amelia chose the fourth case file, which contained the evidence proving that her “uncle” did it. Inside the case file contained a picture of a weird, bald, fat man that looked nothing like her uncle and nothing for the actual document.

“It was my ‘uncle’!” said Amelia.

“...........” replied the cardboard cutout.

No one was convinced. This was clearly a bad choice. So bad that the story went back in time so the reader would choose a different ending.

Ending 5: The Voices Wouldn’t Stop

	Amelia chose the fifth case file, which contained evidence proving that...she was the murderer! In it contained a picture of Amelia with a scary face and a document explaining all of the things she did to try and get away with the murder. What the duck was this all about? Amelia had never done a bad thing in her life. But she was cawlways owlone. And she did think a lot about crazy things. Maybe it was her. Amelia decided to confess

“It was...me!” Amelia said warily.

The most confused of gasps came from everywhere.

“It was you!?” the Conductor yelled.

Amelia nodded sadly.

“I’ll get you for this one lassy! Your punishment shall be...a promotion!” the Conductor yelled happily.

Everyone cheered and clapped for Amelia. Everyone except Amelia, who was quite confused.

“The whole thing was a stage for a movie! We decided to take you from your scheduled train onto our movie set to film for the movie. It was yer uncle’s idea!” the Conductor continued.

Amelia smiled, glad that she did not have to have to go to jail. Indeed, Amelia made it through this situation, though she wondered if the victim was actually dead or not.


Ending 6: Dying for Attention

	Amelia chose the sixth case file. Inside, there was a picture of...the victim?! Amelia didn’t understand. How was this possible? He was stabbed from the back!

“It was...the victim?” Amelia said. Even she didn’t sound convinced herself.

Everyone one else became just as confused. This clearly made zero sense.

Suddenly a sound came from the victim.

“She’s right. I’m not actually dead. I’m actually quite fine. I was just feeling a little left out, and no one was paying attention to me. I’ve always been owl alone. I didn’t want to be alone anymore. I also needed a nap, so it all worked out. I’m sorry everybody.” the owl apologized.

He got up and shook Amelia’s hand.

“Good job, you solved the mystery, and you made lots of money in the process.” said the owl kindly.

Amelia was still confused how he was alive.

“Oh, and in case you were wondering, this is just a rubber knife, so I’m fine. Well, back to work.” the owl said before leaving the room.

Amelia, in shock from confusion, didn’t even notice the people cheering around her. She just decided to sit down and think about what had happened in the past Owl Hour.



Congratulations!
You made it through to the end of the story!
You managed to survive
6 endings
A lot of bird people
And 28 puns