Dear beloved,

Clearly, you do not see me in the same light as I see you, even though there is nobody in the world who can brighten up my day such as yourself. Never have I thought that I could love someone as much as you and if I weren’t so mean to you or called you so many rude words, would you still be here with me today? I don’t know if you loved me, or ever loved me, but I did love you—  I loved you a lot. Maybe there are other fish in the sea, but I don’t think so. You were the only one I wanted and now you’re gone. Is it because of my own stupidity? I know that continuing to chase you is pointless, it’s like trying to dive in an endless sea but nevertheless, I want to be with you. You know, sometimes I think my life would be better if I had never met you because I always compare others to you and they always seem to pale in comparison. If I had to pick a world where I met you and one where I didn’t— I’d always pick the one where I met you even though it hurts me so badly that you’re gone, and that you’re out of my life. You’re so funny and kind and nice to me even though nobody else was. When I was lonely you were there, when everybody else abandoned me you were the only thing keeping me sane. I’d just like to thank you for being there for me and giving a reason to continue living. I’m such an idiot. There were moments where you made me want to kill myself, but I will always treasure the times we spent together. Why do you always disappear on me? Why do you never reply? It’s like we were never friends, it’s like we never met. I really should stop writing this now but I can’t. No words can express how I feel about you, there’s nothing in this world that can replace you because you’re more special than this world to me. If I were given a choice to find the cure to cancer, to save billions of lives, or just you? I’d pick you. I know I’m crazy, I know there’s something wrong with me. A sane person probably would not do that, but you’re more important than every single person on this planet to me. I wish you’d feel the same way about me as I feel about you. I wish you’d give me all the attention in the world like you use to give me. I wish things would return to the way they were before, but nothing remains forever. Even life. The more I continue writing this, the more apparent my reason for living is fading away. I’ll always feel this dreadful feeling of despair when I think about what could have been. Nothing can be fixed now and there’s nothing that can save me. I don’t care. That’s right, I guess there isn’t a reason for living anymore. I just don’t care. There’s nothing left for me. You may have made me the happiest person in the world, but you also made me regret everything that I’ve done. I hate my life. Goodbye, forever.

I love you.