Thread 103: Stories 16-30

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'Cadence'
~Celestia~

Not long later, the door creaked open again

'Hellooooooooo? Applejaaaack? I wanted to see if I could borrow some of your shampoo? The spa pony said I should try branching ouuuuut?'

~....Applejack isn't here at the moment, please leave a paper on her desk~

'Oh hello auntie!... What are you doing in Applejack's bath?'

~Iiiiiiiiii'm... branching out, of course!~

'Ooooooh! So have you seen Applejack's shampoo? Or at least have you seen Applejack anywhere?'

~No and nope, sorry~

"BLOOP"

'What was that? Sounded like a loud bubble coming from the bathtu-'

~I farted~

'EWWWW! CELLYYYYY! GROSS GROSS GROOOOOSS'

Yelling to disgusted effect, the pink Princess turned tail and slammed the bathroom door shut

Celestia, meanwhile, stared down into the water, where a white and slightly blue-tinged stallion with a dopey smile on his face lay pinned down on the bottom by her hooves,

~Now that was too close, no more surprise air pockets from you!~

"...glg"

~Ohhh, how can I resist those stupid lovely bubbles~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

'Cadence'


Not soon after, the door opened again, and in walked Princess Cadence

'Hellooooooo? Applejack? Are you here? I wanted to see if I could borrow some of your shampoo, the spa pony suggested I try "branching out" or whatever, so uhh- oh!'

Seeing her, was none other than Princess Celestia in the bath, a shocked expression, embarrased blush, and wings awkwardly flared out sitting in the tub

~Princess Applejack isn't here at the moment, please leave a paper at her desk~

'Oh Auntie!.... What are you doing in Applejack's bath?'

~Iiiiiiii'm... "branching out"?~

'Ohhhhhhhh! I see! Wow, that spa pony must've been onto something! We need to swap hair products and bathrooms more often, dontcha think?'

~Uhh, well-~

A sudden "BLORGP" emanated from the bathtub

'What was that noise?'

~...~

'It sounded like some kinda of bubbling noise from the bathtu-'

~I farted~

Just like that, a switch was flipped in the Princess

'EWWWW! CELLYYYYYY! GROSS GROSS GROOOOSSSSS!'

Making many disgusted and "Yuck!" noises, Cadence turned tail and slammed the bathroom door shut behind her in her escape

~...That was TOO close, Shiny, I thought you had run out of air pockets~

Celestia turned her head and stared sternly into the water, where a white and conspicuously blue-tinged stallion with a big dopey grin was pinned to the bottom with her front hooves.

"....glgk"

He looked like a lifeguards nightmare, but she just smiled at him

~Well, I guess it's a pleasant surprise, I just can't resist you and those stupid sexy bubbles~

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 OOCO
>AJ
“Celestia”
‘Spike’
~???~
____

‘So tell me again, one more time. Yeah, I know, I know, fourth time incoming but I’m still confused now as I was then. Just… why can’t I just shoot the papers?’

>Ya’ want the legal reason, or the sane reason?

‘Nothing about this is sane. Nothing about these stacks and stacks and STACKS of files is even remotely sane. …But yes, the sane reason.’

>’Cause takin’ firearms to paper doesn’t do jack all. ‘Cept make work twice as hard ‘cause then we’d have to get them reprinted all over again.

‘Fuck me.’

“What was that? Do… do I need to leave? Do I? Because I can. I can leave. Please tell me that was a subtle hint for Celly to get the hell out, she needs a break.”

>Ah’ll give yer’ legs a break if ya’ even twitch toward the door.

“SLAVE DRIVER!”

‘One bullet. Problems gone, poof.’

>Now look, Ah’ know we’re all tense at the moment, Ah’ know… been cooped up in here for goin’ on sixteen hours now, emotions’re high, trigger fingers’re itchy, suicidal thoughts’re runnin’ rampant… but we can make this! Together we can!

“Maaaaaan… fine! Hoof cramping like a bitch, can’t even get a Shiny hug….”

‘You got lucky, trading agreement form F-12. So. Damn. Lucky.’

>Ya’ see? If we just push through, Ah’m sure we’ll-

BAM

~PRINCESS! We… w-we… WE’VE RUN OUT OF OUR SUPPLY OF SWEET ZAP APPLE CIDER PASTRIES!~

>…

‘…’

“…ooooh shit.”

‘Applebooty? Hey, heeeey, it’s me, Spike? Loverboy? Yeah, so I can see you’re shaking with immense rage and your mane is actually starting to catch fire but remember what you just said! Together we can-WHOA!’

WHOOSH

“Did… did you just fling Spike out the window? Magically?”

POP POP

“OH FUCK BOTH HER EYES JUST POPPED RUN GUARD RUN FOR YOUR LIFE THE END IS EXTREMELY FUCKING NIGH!”

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>PD
"???"
~~~

The world flew by with speeds that would have dazzled anyone, be they pegasi or otherwise, yet the one sitting in the command chair saw none of it. Content to let her airship do all the work for her as she sped along.

There were other things to think of, after all.

>...How many agents do we have in this place, again?

"Fourteen, ma'am. Counting the four new ones you had sent over there. Not counting the droids, of course."

>Of course... now tell me, have any of them been compromised?

"None, ma'am. We can use one as a puppet if you wish to stay hidden. I advise the dragon, he's becoming rather... unstable, and hard to handle."

>...No. No, I think I'll handle this myself, thank you?

She need not look to know he had reeled back in shock.

"Are... are you sure, ma'am? You'll be in the open now, there will be no hiding your involvement."

>...good.

"G-... good?"

>Yes... it's time the world saw just what it was Fawntaine Futuristics was capable off.

The screen flashed, indicating another, larger form was traveling just as she was, headed in the same direction, unquestionably to the same location.

>...And just who it is who's top bitch. Full speed.

"FULL SPEED!"

>And send out the messages to the 'other guests'... they won't want to miss this show.

At long, long last, it was time to show her hoof.

And she was going to make sure it was one the world wouldn't ever be able to forget.

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Spike"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but my time has come, my time is now! Now for our main guest...SPIKE!!!
Applause

"Hey hey hey."

>Are you ready?

"...Ready for what?"

>I'm the one asking questions here. Are you ready?

"...I guess maybe?"

>I can't hear you!

"...I'm ready?"

>Ohhhhh who lives in a dreamhouse in a non-canon world?
"Pinkie's dreamhouse!"
>Bouncy and pink and silly is she!
"Pinkie's dreamhouse!"

>If Nonsensical humor is something you wish.
"Pinkie's dreamhouse!"
>Then jump and up down and I'll serve you a dish!
"Pinkie's dreamhouse!"

>Ready?
>"PINKIE'S DREAMHOUSE!"
>"PINKIE'S DREAMHOUSE!"
>"PINKIE'S DREAMHOUSE!"

>Pinkie's dreamhouse~! HAHAHAHA
Pulls spike into her dreamhouse and closes the door. She opens the door again, toots her pipe. Song ends and Spike wakes up.

"...so that happened."

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 >Sunset
“Haymaker”
____

>…

“…”

>…Okay, at first I thought you’d say something on your own but that’s obviously not going to happen. So I guess I’ll just ask. Why are you sitting there looking far more morose than what the situation calls for? Facepunch is a fun and common changeling pastime… from what I’m just learning.

“…Yeah.”

>Ooooh. Oh, I get it.

“Somehow I really doubt that.”

>No, no, I do, because honestly? Sometimes I feel the same. Not all the time, mind you, but just… sometimes, especially when I see them punching like that.

“Huh, maybe you do get it.”

>Yeah, like… all it’d take was for one punch to land a little hard and bam, unconscious ‘ling. It’s a terrible and funny thought that I feel I should feel bad over at some measure but I’m currently ten shades of fucked up internally so fuck my feelings.

“…”

>…

“…”

>…Nowhere in the ballpark of what you were thinking, huh?

“Not even close. Punching is practically in my name but I have a tendency to punch too hard, as if, again, my name weren't a dead giveaway, so to see a rousing game that revolves around punching and not being able to join for fear of going overboard and causing civil war or some shit is kind of like seeing your favorite candy get pulled from the shelf as you’re struggling to find change.”

>…

“…”

>…You can join if you really want t-

“No.”

>Fine, fine, just don’t say you weren’t offered.

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>Fluttershy
~~~

>Oh dear... oh dear... this isn't good.

There were tracks. A lot of them.

Far, far too many tracks of things far too big.

Far too dangerous.

>Oh dear oh dear oh dear.

What could be causing so many of Everfree's most dangerous animals to be gathering together like they were? This many in this small an area usually meant a fight had broken out, a deadly one.

Yet, not so much as a scratch on the trees, brush out of place, nothing at all.

She knew animals, and this was not normal. It was worrying, terribly worrying.

It seemed she was finally going to have to earn that title that had been almost jokingly given to her after all...

For if she could not at least keep track of the animals, what good was she in any capacity, powers or no?

No, she internally nodded, knowing she had to do this, and now.

It was time to prove herself.

>...So long as there aren't any dragons, otherwise I'm going for... um... backup.

Timidly, she moved forwards, and into the darkness of the Everfree forest she went.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OOCO
>Celly
“AJ”
‘Shiny’
____

>…Don’t. Don’t laugh.

“Ya’ know, Ah’m tryin’ real hard not to.”

‘Trying exceptionally hard at that. It’s just….’

“Yeah, just…”

>I couldn’t possibly feel any more stupid than I already do….

“Sure ya’ could. Someone could be takin’ picture evidence.”

*click!*

>…

“…really, Shinin’?”

‘I’m sorry, but this is too damn adorable to pass up. Shoot, this could be our next family greeting card! And if it weren’t for the implications and questions to follow I’d go get Two to stand next to her.’

“Hm, not sure whether to be amazed at yer’ thought process or frightened.”

>In this moment, I feel betrayed in more ways than one.

‘Oh don’t worry about that, sun horse, just turn that way a little bit and pout for me, this is gold. AJ, can you open the blinds? I need more lighting.’

“Ah’ don’t think-”

‘You ever have crystalized apple spread before? It’s freaking delicious, and I just so happen to have a jar on hoof.’

“Welp, pout an’ bear it, Celly.”

>It should say something that your bout of backstabbery was almost expected.

‘Yeah, it should say ‘cheese’!’

*click!*

>Boiling... hot... vengeance....

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Luna"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and invite guests to my new dreamhouse! Now for our main guest...PRINCESS LUNA!!!
Applause

"You built a version of your studio into your house?"

>Of course! Sometimes I want to work at home...and it's just in case something happens to the actual studio.

"We suppose that's actually good foresight."
Pinkie's tail twitches and she moves out of the way from a falling flowerpot.

>Thank you. I'm pretty good at it.
Looks up
>I could have sworn I made sure not to have flowerspots this time.

"Well? Didn't thou called us here to ask a question?"

>Yes. Got any assignments for me or the P-team? Eh? Eh?

"...No...No we don't"
Canned boos. Luna rolls her eyes.

>Aw...oh well. Thought it was worth asking at least. That's our show and see everypony next time!

"That's all? You invited me here to ask that?"

>I also invited you here for a private house warming party as thanks.

"...We're not drunk enough for this if it's what you're trying to propose to us."

>.......this got uncomfortable fast.
Life in the dreamhouse~

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>Maud
"Pinkie"
~~~

"So you're not gonna, like... hurt him, right?"

>...

"Phew, okay... you're also not planning on breaking his legs, right?"

>...

"PHEW!... No throat shots?"

>...

"Thank goodness... eye scratching?"

>..

"WHEW!... No going between the legs, right?"

>...

"...R-right?"

>...

"Maudy? Maudy hoddy bo body? No going for the Shiny Jewels, right?"

>...

"RIGHT!?"

>...

"... Shiny! Have you ever considered freezing your sperm? It's all the rage right now! Never know what might happen!"

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OOCO
>SA
"AJ"
'???'
~~~

>...Absolutely not.

"Ahhh, quit it ya' big sissy, Ah'll clean out yer' dang tub."

>No. No no no no no no NO. NOPE. NADA. NEIT!

"It ain't even that smelly!'

>That is not REMOTELY my problem here!

"...Oh... OH! Oh no no no, he just fell inta' poison Joke."

'Hwah hah! I feel into poison joke! WHOP WHOOO!'

>GAH! WHY DO YOU SOUND LIKE A CLOWN GOT EATEN BY A BIGGER, SCARIER CLOWN!?

"..."

'...'

>Realized it as soon as I said it. But my bigger point is, while I DO understand why you did what you did, why are you in the tub with him?

"Ah' fell in too."

>...So why, exactly, were you both-

"OUT!"

>It's my bathroom-

"OUT!"

>I don't know why you think screaming that will-

BLAM!

>...

'Hyuck Huh! If ya' doing leave, mister bang bang will come out to plaaayyyy!'

>...Nope.

SLAM!

....

SLAM!

>Wait, what happened to you?

"Ah spit fire."

>You do not-

FWOOSH

>AHHHHHHH!

SLAM!

'...W-wait, hoo hoo! I thought you just grew giant hooves!?'

"Ah' did, Ah' just didn't want him ta' see them."

'So... so how did you...'

"..."

'...Nevermind! HAHA HOO!'

"Smart, loverboy, very smart."

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OOCO
>7
"Buttercup"
'Shop keep'
~~

>No.

"...This one?"

>No.

"Thiiiis one?"

>No!

"This one?"

>NO!

"This one!"

>NO NO NO! I promised you a little gun! Little!

"This am little!"

>That barrel is bigger than my foreleg!

"It am little to me!'

>Wow, okay, wow, do not go there, or you will be getting nothing missy.

"But me am need gun that makes everything explode!"

'Sounds like you want a bazooka, or a rocket launcher, not a hand gun or a rifle.'

"...Go on..."

>NO!

'I've got some in the back-'

>NO! I am not buying you anti-airship munitions!

"Me get little one?"

>They don't come in little!

"Little to me."

>That's big to everyone else!

"...So me get little one?"

>UGGHHH... do you just have a hoof-gun?

"None that'll fit her claws. Most of what I sell is designed for, and I can't believe I need to point this out... hooves?"

>UGGGHHHGGHHGHGHG!... Ugh... ugghhhh...

"..."

'...'

>...Just give her that one over there.

"The... the-"

>YES. The... look, maybe it'll distract her with the spinning.

"Yay!"

>Wow, okay, wow, why is you saying yay like that so unsettling?

"ME AM GET BIG GUN! Me show lizard next time!"

>Annnnd now I'm worried.

'All purchases are final.'

>I haven't bought it yet.

'...Free receipts with every purchase! Limited time offer!'

>Fucking really, did you-

"OH! OH! We have get that now! It only limit time!"

>...You are NOT allowed near the shopping district...

'You want this thing bagged?'

>Yes.

'...I... I just asked that out of habit-'

>And I'm taking you up on it, bag it.

'...Think I have a tarp in the back...'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

OOCO
>29
"MM"
~~~

Their hooves scribbled together in tandem as, once again, they did the unthinkable and actually did mayoral work.

She signed papers into law, directed city workers to fill in potholes and broken fences, clean the city streets, and so on.

He went at the budgetary reports, found loopholes to make it go just a bit father, cracked down harder on businesses who were cooking the books, and of course worked on the funding for anything regarded to the arts.

Together, they wrote away.

Until there was nothing left to write.

>..Are we done already?

"Huh... actually? Yeah, looks like it."

>But... tis only but two in the afternoon.

"Seems done."

>...T'would look rather uncouth were we to leave at such a time.

"Oh yeah, press would have a field day if someone took a picture of me leaving right now. Does not matter if the works done, I'd be 'that mayor who skirts her duty with a changeling'."

>So... what doth we do?

"Hrmm... you know, this room is soundproof. Completely, even."

>Really?

"Oh yeah. Said it was 'to ensure utter privacy with any any I meet for political reasons.' Real reason is I wanted to blast music and... uh... do other things."

>Of course.

"Soooo... you thinking what I'm thinking?"

>Won't they notice?

"Nahhh, if we get all truffed up and smell funny when we leave at about six, they'll think we're just burning the midnight oil."

>Hrm.. ist thou sure?

"Keep talking sexy and I'll be even more sure."

>...Ohhh, very well, I do suppose it has been a time since you and I have done this together, and thou doth need a bit of... relaxation.

"Oh yeah, I do... come over here."

>Thou need not tell me twice...

~~~

>... Marey... Marey your head is like...fuzzy. It's... there's so much fuzzy, and I can hear it.

"Mmm..."

>What does your head sound like?... Wait, what if I'm hearing MY head!? What if nothing actually makes a sound, but we doth only hear our own brains!?

"Mmm..."

>...Zecora has the best 'medicine'...

"Mmm...Hmm!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

~~~~

"You sure you want to do this?"

It was a simple affair, when it got right down to it. Nothing more than a few friends and family, and the endless, empty and barren wasteland of the snow around the Empire. She had denied offers to have this done inside of the city itself, stating she'd rather not wreck those 'tasty rocks' any further. Those were something that needed protecting.

The prince tried not to think too hard about that while she prepped herself to get to fighting him.

"I'm quite sure."

While he got into his pre-sparring stretches, he took stock of his audience, or perhaps his witnesses to be more accurate. It was hardly the crowd that had been back in Partyland. No massive brush of spectators to see what was to occur, none of the deafening cheers nor any of the booming calls. It was merely him, his opponent, his wife, his daughter, the mare he's dating, the one who runs his army, the changeling Queen, his sister, his opponents sister, the captain of the Wonderbolts, the captain of his airforce, and not one but three different princesses of Equestria, tall and white, mid and dark, shortest and orange.

Not exactly a small crowd, but hardly what had been his audience back in the day.

"You sure? You don't have to prove anything."

Rule one of engaging an opponent, get a read on them and determine what they had planned next. If he was reading this one right... she was planning to be a rock.

Idly, he mentally made a note not to ask her to poker night.

"I'm not proving anything."

"So why do it?"

"Because."

A response he expected from Two, the prince mused to himself. Yet, somehow, Maud made it seem like the sanest thing he had ever heard in his life.

"Okay, if you're sure... so, Partyland rules with the boppers?"

"No, you did that already, it would be boring."

"And clearly you wouldn't want to be involved with anything boring."

It occurred to the prince sometime after that, that trash talking might not be overly effective on this fight.

"KICK HER ASS, SHINY!"

"Chrysalis! Two is right here!"

"KICK 'ER HINEY, SHINY!"

"See? She knows how to cheer."

"Ah'm not sure who to root for here, we might be distantly related. And relatives trump guy Ah' wanna see get beat up every time."

"I'm happy no matter what happens. Someone is getting hurt, and that's just... that is just great."

"And I'm scooching a bit away from Celesita now, if you all don't mind."

"Hrmph, sissy. New captain of the Wonderbolts, everyone!"

"Please be quiet, I am trying to focus and make sure Shining is performing adequately."

"Which means she wants to make sure he doesn't get hurt too much, but won't say it."

"...Hrmph."

"GO BBBFF!"

"GO BSBFF!"

"...You did not just steal my thing."

"I put an S in there!"

"No, Pinkie."

"Don't you tell me how to live."

He couldn't keep the smile off his face, the pony opposite him had a considerably easier time about it.

"Looks like they're all waiting."

"That is boring. We should not be making them do that."

"So, you saying we should start now?"

Nonverbal answers, as were her forte, came in the form of her bracing herself, seemingly reading to charge.

"Figured. So, rules? No magic for me?"

"That would be very unfair."

"Yeah, figured as such-"

"To you."

"...Ohhh?"

She bent low, and the whole world seemed to bend with her.

"I do not advise you not to use your magic. This might be more damaging than you can handle otherwise."

"Didn't know you knew how to trashtalk."

"I don't."

"...That was either really clever, or-"

"No more talking."

In the blink of an eye, she was forwards, and she had left the world behind.

"HOLY CELESTIA!"

"Stop using my name like that!"

She was far, far, far faster than he ever could have foreseen, moving atop the slick snow with an ease like it was something she did every day of her life. So fast, he had only a second to throw up a barrier around himself before he became the victim of whatever it was she was bringing to bare to him.

That thing, as it turned out, was an uppercut.

A very, very strong uppercut.

"OH SHIIIIIIIiiiiiiiii...."

The crowd followed his bubble as it went up... up... up... stepping back a bit so they can crane higher... up... up... up......... up...

And then he was gone, hidden behind the clouds.

"Uh... how strong is she?"

"She literally turned a giant boulder into pebbles."

"...Twilight? Rough estimate, how much force is that?"

"In laymans terms, it was like shooting a sledgehammer out of a cannon, enough to break the side of a castle apart. Or roughly the equivalent of a couple pounds of demolition explosives."

"...So is he going to come back down?"

They waited for their answers.

The did not wait long.

"........iiiiiiiiiiiIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTT-"

With another, fluid strike upwards, the sound of pure force against magic hummed throughout the empty expanse of the world, and he returned from whence he came.

Only this time, there was another sound to accompany it. A cracking noise.

The eyes of the solider on the sideline went wide, keen sight having caught the flicker in the second it had happened. Seeing the combination of forces of terminal velocity and her own strike at work together.

Subtly, she made a note of that.

"This fight may be over sooner than expected..."

From the humming of the Queen next to her, she had not been the only one to spot it. Together, they mused just how much more he could take...

The world went quiet as the sphere came back down again, and the pony below braced herself, eyes narrowing and muscles tensing.

"This was a very short fight."

The orb fell, parting the clouds and trailing them behind as it narrowed the gap, aimed for the gray pony below like a missile.

She cocked back, reared up...

And it was over.

A strike, straight upwards with all she had, shattered the sphere into a billion pieces, the force of something enough to easily shatter rocks combining with the power of gravity in a combination unmatched, and unsurvivable.

Those on the sidelines winced as the shield was broken, and the fight was over... or so it seemed.

"...This is confusing."

None were granted any time to share her thoughts before another, identical looking shield touched down a mere ten steps to the left of the prone pony. Suddenly, the lacking of white, broken body inside of the broken shield made far more sense than it had a second before. Snow rolled out in every direction, obscuring her view as the second shield made landfall, detonating like a bomb gone off beneath the surface.

"I see."

His coat mingled with the snow, only his hair visible as he paced out into the mist and rolling cloud he had left behind, not a single look of wear upon his coat.

"So, guess just turtling up isn't going to work with you, is it? Gonna have to think of a different strategy- OH ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?"

She had not run this time. Instead, she had jumped.

Though, to call what she did 'jumping' just did not give it credit. To call it flying wouldn't have given it enough credit, even. She cleared such height, she could easily have landed atop one of the taller snow dunes if she had so wished.

Instead, she went down. Downwards, towards him, with hooves outstretched and ready to break him.

Again, though he had just finished touting it's uselessness, he was forced behind a sphere of protection. Still, the briefest of thoughts crossed his mind that, with proper bracing this time, he should be able to handle it this go round.

It was around the time of her hoof connecting against the magic that he realized that an error had been made.

Specifically, deep snow is an absolutely terrible brace.

"AHHHAhahahahhHHHAhhhhhAHHHHhhhHAHHHHH!"

He had plenty of time to muse over this as he was literally rolled out into the barren landscape like a hamster out of control.

She was right on his trail, literally leaping up into the air like a grasshopper made of sledgehammers, dropping back down every time he slowed just in time to lay another blow onto his rolling form.

This way, that way, every which way he went, rending trails in the frost as far as any could see. Every time, he struggled to regain his footing just before he could be hit again, never managing it before another hit came.

"AlllLLLLlllRRRRrriIIIIIiiiGGGHT! ENougH!"

Magic exploded out in every direction as he detonated his sphere, snow and ice rippling all around him like he had been a firework gone off on the ground. He had stopped, he had steadied.

She had been waiting.

Like a hawk descended upon him, he saw her shadow atop the mist of snow. She was ready to end this.

There was only one problem.

"What."

Her monotone betrayed her surprise as she landed in the cloud, yet without the satisfying feeling of a body beneath her to signal the end of the fight.

In fact, there was nothing.

Nothing but empty white snow...

"...I should have expected teleporting."

She did think it strange she had not seen the flash, but with all the snow around there's every chance she had missed it.

"Oh no."

Or she had missed something else.

Judging by the heavy weight that pressed down upon her back, 'something else'.

"What? I learned from a changeling. You really think I didn't learn some stealth stuff in there?"

He shook his head, dislodging the white snow that had covered his blue striped mane free. Behind him, a perfect indent of his body swiftly crumbled away, leaving behind no trace.

She found it hard to breath as she felt his foreleg twist around her neck, choking her ever so slightly.

"You ready to call it quits?"

"...no."

"I have the advantage here."

"No, you do not. I can still run."

"...Wait what-"

She was off.


Straight forwards with everything she had, pulling him along as he struggled to slow her down in vain. His hooves left deep rents in the snow, useless for any real traction, as he held on to her neck for dear life. If the lack of oxygen was bothering her, she certainly didn't show it.

Much like if she was in any way worried by the approaching mound of snow, she showed nothing.

Not that she showed much of anything, but nevermind.

"Ahhhh, crap-"

Without a single care for herself or her passenger, she ran headlong into the hill of ice and freezing cold. It reacted less like it had been hit by soft, squishy ponies, and more appropriate had it been struck by a missile of some kind.

Screams out pain and grinding of solid ice and occasional rock rumbled through the ground as the surface above bloated with their path, looking much like a gopher moving at speeds that could only be called cartoonish as she chiseled a perfect tunnel through it.

"...So that's where you learned that, Pinkie!"

"Yeppers!"

"Huh. Thought fer' sure that that was just you bein' you."

"Nope, it mattered more than just the one off time! Isn't that neat?"

"Can you please be quiet? I'm trying to listen to the sound of him being dragged along ice and rock, and his screams of pain."

"...Ya' got issues, Celly."

"Let me have this!"

Like a daisy hooked up to a landmine, they erupted out from the snow. As she had before, there was a look of stoic determination seemingly carved into her.

Unlike when he had started, however..

"Can we double back? I'm pretty sure I left my molars back there."

He looked like he had been run through a rock grinder.

"If that is what you want, alright."

"NO WAIT-"

She paid his clarification no heed, looping around and driving her way back into the snow with that same reckless abandon, being consumed by it just as she had before, the ground eagerly swallowing her and the panicking one on her back up.

Like a film stuck on repeat, the same cries and the same crumbling and cracking rumbled beneath them again. Like a timeloop, they once more emerged in a haze of rock and snow.

"Did you find them?"

"...yep!"

"Good, try not to lose them this time. I will only need to do this one more time."

She suddenly banked to the side, abruptly heading for another, far larger one this time.

"No thank you!"

His hooves dug in once more...

And to his eternal thanks from this day and every day beyond, he managed to dig in far enough to find a rock. At last, something stable.

"If you think you can stop me, you don't know much about force.

"I don't have to stop you."

"Then your limbs shall rip off or... oh."

Her world literally turned upside down.

All four legs kicked once.

Kicked again.

By the third, it became obvious that there was nothing to walk on in the air.

"...I see."

He smirked, balancing her with a mixture of telekinesis and his own hooves upside down above his head. With his hooves perfectly positioned on her spine, she had no means to reach around, nor strike back. She dangled there, her hair pointed to the ground as she attempted to look back, and give him yet another blank stare.

"...I only ask that you don't-"

"UPSIDEDOWNNOTWIFETOSSS!"

"Say that."

Her monotone carried with her as she flew through the air, not of her own accord this time, and deep into the earth as she pierced the snow like a javelin tossed into it.

"...that was a mistake."

There was no threat in her ever dead tone, not even when she emerged from the wreckage, her thus far impeccable coat now torn and dirty.

"Oh, was it now?"

"Yes, because now I can do this."

She struck downwards, knocking a chunk of solid snow towards him so fast even his shield could not come to be quick enough. White met painful white as it struck him in the face, too soft to break him as any rock would, but more than enough to break his concentration, as she planned.

Into the air she went again, arcing down with hooves ready to start hammering away.

"Then it's a good thing I could do this!"

And hammer away she did... On nothing but snow. His dodging too fast to so much as break a thread of his coat.

Her breath left her as two hind legs struck her in the side, leaving bending imprints as they knocked her deep into the bitter waves below.

She was back on her hooves in seconds, striking away again with her insane speed and power.

Yet again, she punched nothing but the frosty winds, and received a blow to her side for her troubles

"No offense, but I'm a trained soldier. You're really, really damn fast and really strong, but power only matters if you can land... that's something I learned the hard way"

Her hair rocked back and forth in waves, sending bits of white every which way as she cleared it from her head.

"...You held back when you hit me."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes."

He smirked, brushing some of those flakes off himself.

"Well, I mean, come on. This isn't a fight to the death. It's just for fun, right?"

"Correct... but I think they would enjoy it more if we stopped holding back."

"...We?"

She bent down, and the whole world seemed to bend with her.

"...I see."

He shuffled in the snow, clearing off layer after layer as he went down towards the ground

When his hooves finally found purchase, he smiled, and his horn became a wash of light.

Her waiting done, she took her signal, and charged.

A shield, as bright as the sun as magic poured through it, was summoned to it's masters call, heeding his need for protection, defending him with the very power that flowed in his veins.

The world stopped as the pony once more took to the air, high like a majestic eagle, hoofs poised and ready.

It began again with a quake when those hooves struck, and connected.

Shockwave after rapid shockwave rippled out in waves as her hooves became a blur, sparks of magic flying every which way as they struck down again and again and again. The painful screech that caused all the spectators to cover their ears could not make the stone cold face so much as twitch as she hammered again and again, an unstoppable force.

Beneath her, he strained, his horn glowing so hotly it singed the hair around it, his eyes clenched in fierce concentration as he focused against the wail inside his dome of defense. All around him his world shook, it cracked, it crumbled and threatened to give way, but against the storm it held. It was his soul, his immovable object.

The rapid succession and precision against him was nothing he had felt before. The durability beneath her was more than she had ever known. Neither could give way, neither could stop, for to do so mean that they had failed in that which they took their most pride in.

As with all things, when unstoppable force meets immovable object, something has to give way. With every strike, with every crack, it seemed that it would not be her. With every second as he was battered deeper and deeper into a crater of her making, it seemed it would be the shield that broke.

Those watched held their breath as it went on, watched with rapt attention as she picked up the pace, air frozen in her lungs as her already insane speeds went faster, and faster, and faster still. It wobbled, it cracked, it splintered, and...

That's when it happened.

That's when the world stopped

That's when, for only a second, the hooves stopped their assault, stopped moving with such frenzy. It had been one second, no more, that she had paused. One second that she had needed to catch her breath.

One second was all he needed.

All he needed to...

Drop his shield.

"What."

In any other, that would have been a cry of shock. To her, she might as well have been reciting the weather.

To those that knew her.

"OH NO! MAUD LOOK OUT!"

It illicited horror as she fell, her balance thoroughly thrown off by the sudden lack of object to strike, and she fell forwards.

"LASERHORN!"

She gasped as she felt the beam strike her in the chest, sending her straight upwards just as she had done to him not so very long ago. Straight up where her strength was useless.

Straight up into his grasp.

She would have let out a gasp of shock, had she been the type, but instead the unicorn that teleported behind her had to be content with merely watching her eyes widen as he snapped a grip around her.

"That's right, I shoot lasers and teleport... what? I'm not just a bubble guy!"

She didn't know what to say to that as his magic gripped them both, spinning them like a top to further keep them off balance and pointing both heads straight down.

Down they spiraled away, like drills pointed into the earth. Her strength, nothing. Her speed, nothing. In the air, with nothing to grip, it meant nothing.

And the ground was fast approaching.

"This is unfortunate."

"Yeah, sorry about this, this is going to hurt."

"So is this. Boulder, attack."

Where it came from, he couldn't see. How she tossed it while being gripped, he had no idea.

All he knew is that it hurt something special when a rock beaned him right between the eyes.

"SON OF A-"

"Watch out for the ground."

"WATCH OUT FOR THE WHA-"


The ground, cold and dead as it was, brought the silence as two bodies slammed into it. The pillowy soft snow kept it from being little more than splatter, as he had intended when he had sent her down towards there, but it did little more than soften the landing so painful it stole the breath from him.

"...ow... owwww... ow..."

"That was unpleasant... we should end this."

He groaned as he stood up, shaking just as she was as he hobbled to his feet.

"That was cheating."

"He was in my pocket, and we did not say any rules on bringing aide in our pockets."

"...Fair enough."

She bent low...

And this time, he bent with her.

"You're not strong enough to match me."

"We'll see about that."

"If you are sure, do not use magic."

"Setting rules kind of late."

At last, at long last, he got to see her reaction Her eyes narrowed a bit in determination, the very first expression he had seen on her face.

"...Okay."

It was all worth it.

Together, they charged.

"GO SHINY GO!"
"MAUD YOU CAN DO IT!"
"GO BBBFF!"
"Well, shucks... GO MAYBE DISTANT COUSIN!"
"WRECK HIM, MAUD! BE AWESOME!"
"GO DADDY GO!"
"I WANT TO SEE BLOOD DAMN IT!"

Time became nothing as they narrowed in. They could see every ripple in the snow with every step, count every flake that went up into the air as they moved forwards, saw and heard every beat of their hooves as reality became nothing but what was directly in front of them.

She did not jump this time, she merely cocked back.

He called no magic, as promised, he cocked back as well.

The world ceased to matter as two hooves went forwards, ready to collide, and bring the end.

But... they never met.

He smiled, he moved just at the right second, just the right way. A simple tilting of his hoof, that was all, and hers slid ever so slightly to the side. Coats rubbed up against each other in painful friction as the gap closed, rugburn irritating the flesh beneath as her strike went wild.

She had missed.

She felt her shoulder nearly lock up as his met hers, connecting the two together in an unnatural way. She stopped out of surprise to get another strike.

A mistake.

He kept going, all that momentum still pushing him forwards, still going even as her powerful muscles kept him from pushing her back.

But that was not his intention.

His intention was to keep going... and loop around.

"What."

All of her momentum, all of her power, all of her speed, was turned against her in an instant.

It felt cold, as she found no more snow beneath her hooves. It felt loud, the silence as she was raised up into the air.

It felt so soft, the painful rock through her body as the flip ended, and her spine met unforgiving ground beneath shallow frozen snow.

"...Ow..."

The flip had done it's job. She felt stunned, listless, dazed. Even her limbs wobbled as she rolled over onto her stomach, and tried to raise up.

He was upon her before she knew what was happening, his full weight pressing down on her, pinning her. Her hind legs struggled to hold steady even as her forelegs were jerked backwards.

He held on no matter what she would do, counting to himself with every passing second. She jerked, she wiggled, she struggled, but...

"Ten."

"...okay."

It was already over.

"You win."

She felt him let out a deep breath of relief atop her, his whole body slump in tiredness as his burning muscles could at last rest.

"Oh thank Celestia."

"Stop using my name like- Oh I don't even care, WOOOOO!"

They cheered, or politely brought their hooves together, as the battle at last ended.

"Yeah yeah, you win, but GET OFF MY SISTER!"

CLANG!

The toaster left quite the mark as he was knocked off her, stunned on the ground as Pinkie rushed to help her sister back up.

"HMPH! You may have won this time, Shiny, but next time you're gonna get it! She's gonna eat lightning and crap thunder, and I don't even know what that means but BOOM!"

He groaned as he struggled to his hooves, heading towards waiting bodies ready and willing to support him.

"Way to go, Shiny!"
"HAH! That was kickass!"
"Knew you could do it!"
"YAY! Ya' won!"
"Obviously he could."
"Told you so, DASH!"

"Congratulations, a trained prince who is tasked with protecting a kingdom and royalty defeated a quarry worker with no combat training. You were impressive."

Everybody, absolutely everyone, stalled when they heard that.

Every single face twisted, looking to the ever stone face of the grey earth pony.

"...Did... did Maud just crack a joke?"

Beside her, helping her stand, a single pink hoof rose up, and brushed away a single, happy tear.

"...I'm so proud."

They laughed. They couldn't help but laugh, at the absurdity if nothing else, even as she remained stoic, and unblinking.

"Thank you for being a good host, Shining Armor, I have enjoyed my stay, and I am glad we could have our fight at last."

"Heh, yeah, just... uh, just don't ask for one again anytime soon."

"I do not need to, I got everything I wanted out of this fight."

"Oh, um... good! Good for you. What were you hoping to get out of it anyway?"

"I really wanted to hurt you for hitting my sisters back at Partyland. I was planning to break your ribs, but your kindness compelled me to go light on you."

Even the wind seemed to go silent at that.

"...what."

"Good day, Shining Armor. I am going to go rest a bit, and then I need to mail my father a letter."

Everyone watched as she simply nodded, and walked back towards the empire, leaving behind everyone from the prince to her sister and all in between, staring with mouths dropped open, and eyes gone wide.

"...So, uh, Shiny... you think that-"

"ARE YOU FFFFFFFFFFFF-"

"Little ears, Shiny!"

"-FFFFFFREAKING KIDDING ME!?"

Nothing left to be said after that.

That about summed it up.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Twilight"
'??'
~~~~

>Well, that there was a fun distraction.

"Wasn't it? I knew Shiny could do it."

>...Would be pretty embaressin' if he couldn't.

"Oh hush... by the way, you sure those lings will be okay?"

>Ah' literally, LITERALLY, was only gone fer' twenty minutes. Twenty! And Celly insisted Ah' watch. It ain't like Ah'...

"...You should have known."

>Should'a, yeah.

'Before you ask, no, I did not set them on fire, I had nothing to do with them being set on fire, and I did not cause them to inadvertently be set on fire. I had nothing to do with them being set on fire this time!'

>...But did ya' try ta' put them out?

'.................Did I mention I didn't set them on fire?'

>Really.

'THEY TRIED TO JUGGLE MOLOTOV COCKTAILS, APPLEJACK!'

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