Disaster Anon: G2; D21; MMP Prologue

Disaster Anon: My Massive Pony: The Pizza Prologue a.k.a The Day Minty Almost Killed You.

>Day 103
>As the bitter wind rushes across your cheeks, you reluctantly follow behind your happy trotting roommate, as she guides you to a place you have no idea about.
Can’t we just go home? It’s pretty dang cold out here.
>“No can do,” she says cheerfully. “You’ve already cleared 20 disasters in your logbook, so we’re going out to CELEBRATE!”
But I already told you I marked whatever happened last week in the disaster log. This is 20 ½ tops.
>“But you don’t know what happened, so that one doesn’t count. Let’s pick up the pace before the snow gets any worse.”
>You do accordingly, grabbing the tip of your green hood as the wind tries to knock it away.
>How the hell is Minty this chipper? All she’s wearing is a purple sweater, but she seems fine.
>Just looking at her makes you feel colder, JESUS!
>Eventually, you’re guided to a building that looks incredibly plastic like; as if it were from some children’s playset. It’s a lightish yellow color, with a red trimming around the window and door, and striped, green and white awnings. The sign hanging above the door is in some weird language of scribbles you don’t understand, but underneath you can see smaller text that tells you, “Alfredo’s Pizzeria”.
>The whole place is emanating with the mouthwatering scent of bread, and cheese, wetting an appetite you weren’t even aware of.
>“This is gonna be great!”
>Minty kicks in the door with her hind legs, making a very flashy entrance as she announces, “GUESS WHOS FINALLY BACK, ALF?!”
>The interior is very classic, with simple wood floors, two sets of nine red tables, and a few photographs of the restaurant over the years, along with some other ponies that you’re guessing must have been very notable visitors.
>On the counter stands the owner, a cream colored unicorn with a dense curly mane and five o’clock shadow, manning the kitchen behind him.
>“Well well well,” says the colt with an exaggerated Italian accent, “If it isn’t my favorite customer Minty. Where are your little friends?”
>“We had a bit of a breakup, but that’s okay, because I have Anon now!”
>She nuzzles the bottom of your arm with her head, as you walk to the table second closest to Alfredo, taking a seat in the undersized stool.
>“So what will it be Minty?” asks Alfredo, “We have a new Panini press with spinach and avocado.”
>Minty pulls a few bits out of the coin purse around her neck and tells him, “We’ll have the usual please.”
>“Hoho! Very nice.”
>With an order, he heads into the kitchen, and Minty takes a seat, scooting her stool next to yours.
What exactly is “the usual”?
>Her head rises to the ceiling as she tries to remember.
>“Uuum...I think there was some olives...pe-ppers...shaved asparagus, and something really sweet...what was that called? Rumptersomething dressing…I think it’s from Hoofington East if I remember.”
Okay, now this is just turning into rambling. More important question; that guy said you were his favorite customer. You come here often?
>Her eyes shift to the side, and her brows lower slightly.
>“Well, I used to a few months ago.”
With your old friends?
>“Yeah,” she says with a wide smile. “We used to always come here after something really cool would happen, and my old friend Teddy would always tell Mr. Alfredo, “BRING OUT THE USUAL! IT’S TIME TO CELEBRATE!” And then we’d revel in whatever happened until Mr. Alfredo would kick us out. Good times.”
Ya know, we’ve been together for over three months, and only now are you mentioning your old friends?
>“Well, you don’t see me pestering you about your old life in college.”
Yes you have! You were bombarding me with questions nonstop during the first night we spent.
>“That’s beside the point. What’s important isn’t the past. What’s important is the now...and the you...and the me.”
>Alfredo walks back to the counter, telling you two, “Your pizza will be ready in a bit. While we wait, Minty, mind telling me what’s so special that you’re paying this old colt a visit?
>“Anon’s cleared 20 disasters!”
>“Doh-ho, you don’t say?”
>“Uh-huh, he just finished at noon, and it was super crazy.”
Don’t exaggerate, Minty.
>“Did it involve that giant lady at the horizon of town?”
It wasn’t anything special.
>“Don’t be so modest, Anon! You should’ve seen it, Alf. At noon, when the snow was getting especially bad, there was this unicorn mare that knocked on our door, with wild blue hair, and dark brown fur, and bloodshot yellow eyes. And even though it was snowing bats and rats outside, she had nothing, and I mean NOTHING on.”
---
>Minty’s voice becomes much more dry, slow, and almost Latin in accent, to reflect the mare’s voice.
>““I’m not here for one of your tacky sweaters, young mare; I’ve come to challenge Anon to a battle, one on one.” I wasn’t going to let some stranger try and fight Anon for no reason, so I told her, “Get out of my store before I have Anon make you leave,” but for some reason, that didn’t scare her away. Girl must’ve had nerves of steel.”
---
>“And then she dives through the window after Anon, so I crawled my way out after them. But then her horn started glowing bright pink, and she says “I shall eat your heart and devour your courage ‘pikaeto’.” I don’t know what that word means...And then she started GROWING!”
---
>“The news ponies came to the scene quick, but when you’re a twenty foot unicorn stomping around the streets, you’re gonna get attention. Anyways, her voice got super deep, and she was all like, “SWALLOW ANOOON”, “DEVOUR ANOOON.”
Mares and their disgusting fetishes these days.
>“But then Firefly ZOOMED IN to try and talk things out peacefully, but the unicorn was all like, “No,” go then Brightly was all like, “KABLAM” and shot her with this crackling blast of light, right in the eye, and it was awesome!”
---
>Anon had this um...t-this thing that shot some kind of blue fire.”
Psychometaphisical Aura Combustion Beam.
>“You really need to think of catchier names for your stuff,” she said with a little smile. “Anyways, Anon tried to use his burn beam-”
No.
>“...Fffire flinger?”
Even worse.
>“...Scorching...surge.”
…
>“...Nailed it. Anyways, it wasn’t doing anything, and the mare was laughing, “MWAH HA HA! YOU’RE PUNY MAGIC IS NO MATCH FOR ME.” And the whole time this was happening, Ember was doing this weird meditation stuff to “Align her chakras” or something, and I was hiding behind a rock, yelling, “Ember, what the hay are you doing?! That mare is too old to be fighting giants.”
>Alfredo laughs heartily.
>“Ho ho, very good. Okay, Hold your story a moment, I’ll-a get your pizza.”
>“Thank goodness, I’m starving.”
>He soon returns levitating a pizza covered with so many toppings that it’s hard to recognize.
>“Enjoy,” says Alfredo with a wink as he returns to the counter.
>You can clearly see everything Minty mentioned, along with onions, mushrooms, broccoli, sliced tomatoes, and a stripped covering of some kind of purple dressing.
>Minty doesn’t take the time to admire his work though, as she immediately works her mouth around a pair of slices, biting off a huge chunk with a trail of different cheeses following to her lips.
>“Mmm. MMM!~”
>Must really be something.
>You pull up a slice to try yourself. The ways its cheese and toppings almost fall off as you pull its delicious scent to your mouth, only makes your mouth water more as you finally take a bite into it.
Hmm! This is really good stuff, Alfredo.
>“A-thank you so much Anonymous.”
>It has such a rich taste from the cheeses, along with an unorthodox blend of spice from the green peppers, and a slight sweetness from the mysterious dressing, spinach and...Something tastes off with this. It sort of taste like…
Hey Minty.
>“Nyah?” she says with her mouth full.
By any chance, does the usual have pineapple in it?
>“Oh yeeeah, I forgot about that one.”
I see. Well, this has been fun, I guess.
>You flip the table and collapse to the ground, cramming your fingers in your throat, vomiting the content out of your stomach on the floor.
>“I just cleaned that!” yells Alfredo.
>“Anon! What’s going on?!”
I fucking HATE pineapple pizza!
>“What?!”
I’m allergic! Didn’t I tell you this?!
>You begin a horrible fit of coughing as your throat begins to slowly swell.
>“Oh no. No no no! Anon, I’m sorry! Please, what do I do?!”
>Through your hacking and wheezing you barely get the words you need out.
...Minty?
>“Yes?!”
*wheeze wheeze*...THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT, AND I EXCLUSIVELY BLAME YOU FOR THIS! I just wanted to go home!
>Your skin begins to overcome itself with a horrible itching sensation, but you do exactly what your Momma told you last time this happened 13 years ago.
>You lie on your back, try not to move, and focus solely on breathing.
>“Don’t move. I’ll get help!”
>Minty gallops out of the building, leaving Alfredo who awkwardly tells you, “I’ll-a go get a mop.”

~LATER THAT NIGHT~

>You’re not sure how long it’s been since you went into anaphylactic shock. You can’t check because your eyes have basically swollen shut, and you’re already struggling to breath, so talking’s through you puffy lips probably won’t get you anywhere.
>You were carried away on a stretcher at some point, and currently find yourself in one of the beds at a nearby clinic that Minty told you was, ‘The Helping Hoof’. The nurse, Ms. Meadosweet had no idea what was wrong, or what to do, so she’s just been observing you to make sure your condition wouldn’t worsen, and she’s rubbed some soothing ointment on your exposed chest, since you wouldn’t stop rubbing yourself.
>It’s a full body rash, but you were sure to ignore anything below the belt. It did take a bit of extra resistance though.
>Thankfully, Minty was smart enough to get the others, one by one. You’re not sure how Firefly found out, let alone got here first since she lives in a sky apartment, but she did, and once she set eyes on you, she knew that the best course of action would be to fly to Megan’s, and see if she knows what’s wrong.
>Now you just have to wait for some results.
>Ember arrived much later, panicking at first, but then eventually calming down through her all-important deep breathing exercises. Once she was calm enough, she tried to comfort you by having you join in her “Sensory Meditation” to calm your mind.
>Somehow, imagining myself in a “happy little meadow” doesn’t solve my swollen, itching hide as she expected.
>Brightly was last to appear, with Minty following her, and being the least sympathetic of the bunch, she began to silently chuckle at your expense.
>You give a disgruntled groan at the door where she stands, wishing you could smack her in the back of her dumb head.
>“I’m sorry,” she says through a couple more snickers, “You look like a puffer fish though.”
Hnnn!
>“Remind me to deliver some pizzas to your house when you get better.”
HNNN!
>Minty tells her, “Stop teasing Anon! Can’t you see you’re hurting his feelings?”
>“Don’t be so melodramatic. Friends rip on each other all the time,” responds Brightly.
>You can hear her hoofsteps as she comes closer towards you.
>“It’s not like we have anything to worry about. Firefly will be back before you know it, and we can pretend like this never happened.”
>Her hoof runs across your hair as she tells you, “Be more careful though. The last thing you need to see is me worrying.”
>“...Anon can’t see anything,” says Minty in the background.
Uuugh.
>Ember, who’s to your left, picks up on the uncomfortable vibe and changes the subject.
>“Anonymous? I’m sure you’ll be happy to know that our sleeping giant had finally awoken while you were gone.”
Hnnn?
>“Uh huh. I couldn’t get much out of her, but here’s what I know. Her name is Trottin Bothered; apparently she’s a bounty hunter from the Galloponysian Islands. She didn’t say who hired her, but whoever it is has a very close eye on you. She was also really mad at us for getting in between you and her. Apparently, we’re not as important.”
>You want to say this is the work of Paul, but to your knowledge, he has no connections to the Gallopysians. You’ll need to launch an investigation for anyone who’d have a motif later, but for now, all you want is to get some sleep, and wait things out. Who knows, maybe you’re symptoms will cure over the night.
>It could happen.

~THE NEXT DAY~

>You didn’t sleep.
>You wanted to sleep, the others even picked up on this and left early, but every time your eyes closed for more than a few seconds, Minty would shake you awake, thinking that you were dying. By the time 2 AM hit, the nurse forced her to stop, yet she would still wake you periodically on accident, placing her hooves and ears on your chest to see if you were still breathing.
>You like Minty, you really do, but it’s times like these that really get her under your skin.
>On a positive note, the swelling has lowered just enough to give you a small sliver of vision in your eyes.
>With the sun barely peeking through the window, you wonder for a minute how much longer Firefly’s going to be.
>Hopefully she’ll be back soon.

~MEANWHILE IN THE GUEST ROOM OF MEGAN’S HOME~

>As I lower the blanket enough to expose my mouth, Megan blows the spoonful of tomato soup and tells me, “Say aaah.”
>I sniffle, before responding weakly.
Aaaaaah.
>Slowly, she brings it to my mouth, sending a warm sensation throughout my entire body as I swallow the bubbling hot content.
Mrs. Megan? How long do you think the rain’s going to last?
>She sighs.
>“Firefly the Second, don’t tell me you’re honestly going to try flying to Dream Valley in your condition. Flying all the way here is what got you so sick in the first place.”
But Anon needs me.
>“And right now, YOU need ME.”
>She takes another spoonful and brings it to my mouth.
>“You’re almost as difficult as your mother when she was your age.”
I’ll take that as a complement.
>Megan grins at the statement.
>“Trust me, my little pony. I’ve been with Anon long enough to know he’ll be fine. He’ll die on his own terms, in a chemical explosion or something. Besides, he’s never been the type to rely on medicine anyways.”
>She gives me another spoonful.
I hope you’re right.

~~~

>It wasn’t until much later in the morning that Minty’s head finally collapsed on your stomach from exhaustion, and she went to sleep.
>You were so excited.
>Finally you can get some damn sleep!
>Unfortunately however, you’ve reached that odd point during sleep deprivation, where your body produces compensational adrenaline, to allow you to work through the morning.
>Unable to compel yourself into sleep, you grumpily lie there with your eyes closed for the next twenty or so minutes, until you eventually realize that you need to take a runny dump.
>You wheeze out,
“...Min…” Deep inhale “...Minty!”
>“Ughghgh...Did you say something Anon?”
I need...the bathroom.
>“If you want, I could still get you that bedpan Nurse Meadosweet offered.
“No!” you weakly say.
>“Okay then. Mount me like one of your Earth horses, and I’ll take you to the bathroom.”
>Why does she have to make it sound so weird?
>You force your painful, swollen body onto her back, trying your best to get comfortable.
>“You’re REALLY warm today.”
…
>She begins slowly and gently stepping her way out into the halls, and takes you to the bathroom where you work yourself off of her, and into the room.
>“I’ll be out here waiting. Just knock on something if you need me.”
>You find the door and close it, hoping that Minty won’t need to open it, and you waddle around, until you find the toilet by accidentally kicking it.
>Thank goodness.
>You apply a thin layer of toilet paper on the seat, throw down your pants, and begin the always pleasant task of trying to crap quietly, when you know someone else is listening.
>It’s a good feel though. Very relieving.
>You were honestly weighing whether or not to stay a few extra minutes, but you know it’d be rude to leave Minty waiting, so you wipe, flush and get ready to pull up your pants and wash your hands. Before you can however, you’re suddenly hit with a feeling that you’re positive is unicorn magic. Your body suddenly goes limp, and you almost fall off of the toilet, but a hoof pushes your shoulder to keep you in place.
>Who the hell is this?!
>In a whisper faint enough for Minty to not notice, you hear the familiar Latin voice of the mysterious mare, Trottin Bothered, causing your heart to stop for a moment in shock.
>“You cheated in our fight.”
>How? How did she get in here?
>Her voice resonates in your left ear, as her face grows closer to yours.
>“Goodness pikaeto, your face looks like a puf-fer.”
You’re suppose...to be-
>“In jail? True, but I heard the news of your condition, and wanted to pay you a visit. Do not worry; I shall not kill you...yet. I believe in fair competition, unlike you and your friends apparently.”
“What,” deep inhale, “What do you want?”
>She playfully tells you, “Ooh, ya knooow. A little competition, a bounty to collect...to eat your heart and maybe your brain. The usual things a mare ask for in a male.”
>You try as hard as you can to knock the toilet bowl and get Minty’s attention, but it’s so slow and weak even you can’t hear it.
>“Listen Anonymous, my boss believes in your talents, that’s why I was sent to try and kill you. Call it a test if you will. Boss wants to see if you are really worthy of your title in Dreamland, yet unsurprisingly, our first encounter was interrupted.”
>Minty finally picks up on some kind of foreign sound, and asks from outside the door, “Are you doing okay in there? You want I should come in?”
>Trottin gives you a small peck on the cheek, which hurts like a bitch before backing away.
>“I will see you a week from today. Use your best to fight me. Now...pull up your pants dear.”
>The numbing sensation of her magic disappears, and you almost swing a fist in her direction, but you know she’s no longer there. Rather, you just pull up your pants, and wash your hands as you hear the sound of the door’s handle opening, to let Minty peek on you.
>“Everything all...Anon?”
Hmm?
>“Where did that black lipstick on your cheek come from?”