Loveless Gal - Review by archivebro

So, Loveless Gal. Definitely not a quest I would have picked up even if I weren’t down to just two active quests now (I was once juggling around 20 and voting in 75% I think, and with write-ins for most) but it’s due to content moreso than style. Playing a guy into shotacon porn books in medieval (or close enough to it) society is a potential recipe for suffering, and I’m not an anon who enjoys continual suffering of the MC very much. I don’t know if those worries are unfounded, it’s too early to tell, but it’s going through my head anyway.

Just thought about it, what medieval-adjacent society would having a thriving doujin industry to support such materials? Printing techniques have to be pretty advanced to support that. The images aren’t easy to reproduce. Possibly SoD-breaking, but I’m not a stickler for that myself.

You’ve done a good job with character portrayal and interaction so far. The characters, while clearly flawed, are still adults and capable of speaking with each other without those traits overriding everything else. They have other normal traits to lean on, like awkwardness around discussing a favorite hobby, or motion sickness, or workplace rivalries!

Writing-wise, I do have to ding you like I dinged Anderson Thorell on ellipses. My poisoning wasn’t as severe because you used dashes to break up the text as well. I know, overuse of that is still a writing sin as well. However, dashes don’t bother me as much as ellipses do. Dashes are normally used for interjections, and interjections - even when taken at 120 mph - aren’t a pause, they’re a lane shift that merges back quickly. I have ADHD, hopping onto another train of thought just to hop back is annoying but something I do to myself so often that it won’t rate as an inconvenience unless it reaches truly grotesque levels.

So yeah, more people with ellipses problems should use dashes as a bridge punctuation in my opinion. It’s still a positive step forward to stripping your writing of both entirely as a matter of form so you can use them for maximum effectiveness at targeted points instead. Breaking writing norms should be done with intent. Unrelated, but I will give a “good job” to the mythical person who uses semicolons appropriately in writing often enough to prove it isn’t a fluke. You can use it anywhere both a period or a comma would be appropriate; most people default to one of the other marks instead.

Hopping off the writing high horse and onto the regular one, you’re doing well with the character action and portrayal side. I enjoy the art when posted, though I view it as a treat more-so than a core part of the experience. My main turn-offs are writing style - which can be addressed - and content, the latter of which has nothing to do with you and everything to do with (ir)rational fears on my part. As a small nitpick I don’t see write-in options either and that cuts off my own outlet for creativity, but there’s no requirement for those either and I know most QMs allow it even when not advertised depending on scope and support. It’s a matter of preference for QMs to decide how free-range they want anons to be with their votes after all.

Yes, this took twice as long to write as it did for me to read your quest end-to-end even including anon musings. Your bill comes to one review of a quest in this thread or that you enjoyed in the past, please shop at /qtg/ again in the future and pick up a copy of Drowned Quest Redux anthology if you are the sort of freak who likes suffering MCs. Personally not to my taste, but there’s all kinds of people.