SCENE 1
A forest.  Night.  A 6-year-old boy wanders aimlessly onto stage.  He wears a red shirt with the number 6 written large on his chest.  He finds a tree stump, which he sits upon.  The sounds of the forest grow louder, and more intense.    Out of the shadows emerges the Treeman.  The Treeman is covered in moss and leaves and wears a crown of antlers.  He moves slowly, but with purpose.  He speaks initially with gravitas, but as the scene progresses, he gradually begins to speak like a human.  The boy does not notice the Treeman until the Treeman speaks.
TREEMAN
Who are you?
BOY
(startled) Who the hell are you?
(They pause.)
TREEMAN
I...asked you first.
BOY
That's a pretty juvenile answer for a (he looks at the Treeman) a tree?
TREEMAN
It’s not important.
BOY
I’m important.
TREEMAN
Well Important, you have some pretty stupid parents.
BOY
How do you know?
TREEMAN
They named a young human child Important.
BOY
That’s not my name.
TREEMAN
Then why did you say it was?
2.
BOY
I didn’t.  You didn’t specify that you wanted my name in my answer.
TREEMAN
Did your parents throw you out of the house for being a little bitch?
BOY
No. I left.
TREEMAN
What is your name?
The boy thinks for a moment.
BOY
Mason.
TREEMAN
Is that actually your name, or are you messing with me again?
MASON
No, that’s my name.
TREEMAN
Why are you in the forest?
MASON
Because my parents are stupid and they smile too much.
TREEMAN
So why did you come to the forest as opposed to a, I don’t know, a shelter or something?
MASON
I’m finding myself.
TREEMAN
Well you seem to have found a tree stump instead.
MASON
What’s it to you?
TREEMAN
That’s where I usually sit.
MASON
Okay, who the hell are you?
TREEMAN
I’m a spirit.
3.
MASON
Really?
TREEMAN
Yes.
MASON
Like a ghost?
TREEMAN
No. Ghosts don’t exist.
MASON
Because that would be ridiculous.
TREEMAN
Yes.  Spirits inhabit living things.
MASON
Does that make me a spirit too?
TREEMAN
Yes.
MASON
Are you homeless?
TREEMAN
The forest is my home.
MASON
I believe that still means you’re homeless.
TREEMAN
I’m a spirit of the forest.  That’s what I meant.
MASON
Uh-huh.  So, should I be afraid, or are you a peaceful forest spirit?
TREEMAN
Peaceful, as long as you get off my stump.
MASON
Then where am I to sit?
TREEMAN
On the ground perhaps?
MASON
It’s all wet though.
TREEMAN
(with menace) Get off my stump.
4.
MASON
(scared) Okay.
The Treeman sits on the stump while Mason sits on the ground.
TREEMAN
You’re all so entitled these days.  It used to be that village children would wander in, and I'd ask "who are you?" and they'd be like "Billy" and we'd have a talk and maybe an adventure and I'd teach them something and they'd go on to become proper taxpaying members of society, but look at you.  I ask you "who are you?" and all you give me is lip.  Terrible.
MASON
An adventure would be nice.
TREEMAN
Well I’m put out now.
MASON
No, I’d like an adventure, really.
TREEMAN
(pause) You would?
MASON
I’m trying to find myself, and that sounds great.
(pause.)
TREEMAN
Really, don’t mess me about.
MASON
Really.
(pause.)
TREEMAN
Well then, let’s get right to it.  Follow me.
The Treeman leads Mason around the stage in circles and through the audience if possible. They walk for a while before talking.
MASON
I really hope this isn’t a molestation in the making.
TREEMAN
I’m a spirit of the forest.
5.
MASON
So you don’t like little boys.
TREEMAN
Of course not.
MASON
So you would know?
TREEMAN
What?
MASON
You would know what you do and don’t like?
TREEMAN
Yes.
MASON
So you like certain kinds of people?
TREEMAN
Who doesn’t?
MASON
But you’re a spirit?
TREEMAN
Yes.  I am a spirit.  (He takes a moment to let Mason marvel at this.)
MASON
(Mason doesn’t marvel)  Do you go on dates with other spirits?
TREEMAN
Shut up.
MASON
Are there female spirits?
TREEMAN
Who said anything about females?
MASON
So you do like boys!
TREEMAN
No.
MASON
Little boys?
6.
TREEMAN
No! Moss!
MASON
What?
TREEMAN
(Tentatively)  I like moss.
MASON
You like like moss?
TREEMAN
Yes!
 (Mason stops walking, which prompts the Treeman to stop.)
MASON
You like doing things with moss?
TREEMAN
You’re insufferable!
MASON
You brought up moss.
TREEMAN
Can’t you just stand in awe!  I’m a fucking spirit!  I could have magical powers! You have no idea if I present a danger or not!
MASON
I’m not afraid of death.
TREEMAN
Why?!  You’re like six!
MASON
I don’t fear the unknown.
TREEMAN
Maybe you should learn to.
They lock eyes.  Mason slowly looks sideways.
MASON
I recognize that stump.
TREEMAN
Different stump.
7.
MASON
That’s the same stump.
TREEMAN
I’ve had enough, go home.
MASON
What do you mean?
TREEMAN
I can’t handle this.  No adventures for you.  Leave.
MASON
Really?
TREEMAN
I'm not up to it.  I've had a lot of problems with deforestation as you can see (gesturing to the stump) and I'm not going to get onto a big ecological screed, but I'm too tired to take you on an enlightening journey.
MASON
But I haven’t learned anything.
TREEMAN
Oh, and whose fault is that?
MASON
Television these days?
TREEMAN
(pause)  Can we just figure out a moral, and then you leave?
MASON
I guess.  It’s pretty anticlimactic?
TREEMAN
I don’t care.  Do unto others as you would like to have be done unto you.
MASON
Okay, I’m six and I know that’s bad grammar.
TREEMAN
(pause)  Don’t be stupid. Just don’t be stupid.  Best of luck.  Get out of my forest.
MASON
Alright, well, I suppose this is goodbye.
TREEMAN
Goodbye.
8.
MASON
You’ll never see me again.
TREEMAN
Aware.  Bye.
Mason lingers.
TREEMAN
What?
MASON
I...
TREEMAN
Spit it out.
MASON
How does your body work?
TREEMAN
What?
MASON
How do you ...eat?
TREEMAN
I feed on the energies of the organisms.
MASON
Like a parasite?
TREEMAN
I only take a small amount.
MASON
Like a banker.
TREEMAN
What?
MASON
You’re skimming off the top, like a banker.
TREEMAN
Don’t compare me to those inhuman bloodsuckers.
MASON
But you are inhuman!
TREEMAN
Well you don’t have to be mean about it.  I still have feelings.
9.
MASON
(pause)  How do you release waste then?
TREEMAN
There’s no waste, I just use energy.
MASON
The law of conservation of energy states that--
TREEMAN
No, I get it, you don’t have to prove to me that you’re precocious.
MASON
But where does the energy go?
TREEMAN
I suppose it’s radiated out into the world through my loving actions.
MASON
You aren’t very loving.
TREEMAN
You aren’t very shut up.
MASON
(pause) But what about your lungs?
TREEMAN
What about them?
MASON
Do you breathe?
TREEMAN
Yes, like a tree.
MASON
Trees breathe?!
TREEMAN
Yes, we inhale carbon dioxide and exhale oxygen.
MASON
That’s so cool!
TREEMAN
I suppose.  Have I satisfied your queries?
MASON
Well, it would be really interesting to do a science experiment on your body.  It could help the scientists a lot.
10.
TREEMAN
You can’t tell anyone about me, I thought that went without saying.
MASON
But your body could cure cancer!
TREEMAN
I’m a spirit. They’d cut me open, and take away my moss and test it out as combat armor.
MASON
Oh.  Why would they do that?
TREEMAN
Haven't you seen any movies about aliens?  It always goes the same way.  Humans make contact with a previously unknown life form, the future looks hopeful, and then some loose cannon army coronal doesn't trust them and it's an allegory for racism and then he launches the missiles and the aliens all die.  It’s a simple five step plot.  I'm not going to be the aliens.
Mason thinks.
MASON
But what if--
TREEMAN
Simple 5 step plot.
MASON
But--
TREEMAN
Simple. 5. Step. Plot.  Say it with me.
MASON
I’m okay. (pause)Can I find you here again?
TREEMAN
Not if I can help it.
Mason looks like he is about to cry.
TREEMAN
Oh don’t do that.
Tears appear.
TREEMAN
No no, come on, not that.
Mason wails.
11.
TREEMAN
Oh come on, this is manipulative.
MASON
I just wanted to find myself.
TREEMAN
Look, that's a tall order, Mason.  Most people don't find themselves well into their mid-20's, some even longer.  Well, those people aren't the best role models, but the point is, you have time to find yourself.  You're six.  The world's a big place and one day you'll find your place within it.
MASON
Thanks.
TREEMAN
So, it’s been lovely, but...
MASON
Okay.  I’ll go.
TREEMAN
Sounds like a plan.
MASON
Thanks for the thoughts.
TREEMAN
I’m a spirit, not a hippy, Mason.
Mason leaves. The Treeman stands, looks after him, then pauses.  He takes a piece of moss from his body, looks soulfully into it.  Blackout.
SCENE 2
Lights up on a single swing set in the background. Sounds of children playing is heard.  Sophia, an 8 year old girl, stands holding a big red ball.  She bounces it.  Mason, wearing a new shirt with the number 8 written in the same manner as the previous number 6, approaches her.
MASON
Hi.
SOPHIA
Hi.
Sophia continues to bounce the ball.
12.
MASON
What are you doing?
Sophia catches the ball, looks at him, looks back at the ball and continues to bounce it.
MASON
Okay, bye.
Without blacking out, the scene shifts to The Treeman sitting on his stump, holding a nearly finished birdhouse.  He is fiddling with little things to finish it.  Mason, looking a little older emerges from the bushes.
MASON
You!
TREEMAN
(Shrieking) Agh!!!  (pause) Is that Mason?
MASON
Yes!
TREEMAN
Hello Mason.  What are you doing here?
MASON
I (pause) I just realized something.  You never told me your name.
TREEMAN
I definitely did.
MASON
No you didn’t.
The Treeman gives Mason a look.
MASON
I don’t know your name.
TREEMAN
I am The Treeman.
MASON
That’s a rather odd name.
TREEMAN
So is Mason.
13.
MASON
Mason’s a very reasonable name.
TREEMAN
Are you a Mason?
MASON
No.  I could be in the future, though.
TREEMAN
Strange, huh?
MASON
No.  Not really.
TREEMAN
(pause)  Why are you here?
MASON
Well, I need help.
TREEMAN
With what?  Finding yourself?
MASON
No, I did that already.
TREEMAN
Right. (pause)  What then?
MASON
A girl.
TREEMAN
A girl.
MASON
Yes.  A girl.
TREEMAN
Mason, you came back to find the spirit of the forest for some advice about girls.
MASON
Yes.  A girl.
TREEMAN
A girl, right.  What makes you think I know anything about girls?
MASON
What?
14.
TREEMAN
If you’ll recall, I don’t like humanoid creatures, as a rule.
MASON
But you are one.
TREEMAN
I mean attracted. I’m not attracted to humanoid creatures.
MASON
Oh.  Right.
TREEMAN
Moss.  I like moss.
MASON
But surely you know something about approaching girls, I mean you knew all that stuff about humans and movies!
TREEMAN
I watch a lot of TV.
MASON
(pause) How is that a thing?
TREEMAN
What do you mean?
MASON
There’s no TV around here.
TREEMAN
I don’t need one.  These antlers aren’t just for show, you know.
MASON
I don’t know.
TREEMAN
Since I was a sapling, I started to see visions in my head.  It was unlike anything I had ever seen before.  Weird, hairless creatures roaming about boxes, talking incessantly about other hairless creatures.  I began to think I was a prophet. These creatures knew of love, of beauty, of passion, of sadness.  I thought their struggles might teach me something of my own.  Then I was roaming the forest one day when I stumbled upon the camp of a few of these creatures.  They had brought a box witht ehm that held my visions, and I realized over time and subsequent weeks that I was only intercepting their signals.
MASON
That must have been a let down.
15.
TREEMAN
Yeah.  It was only recently that I learned how to change the channel and get Netflix, too.
MASON
You had no control over what you watched?
TREEMAN
Yeah, I had to wait for a good spontaneous sneeze to change the channel.  One time I got stuck on Oxygen for months and that was the worst by far.  They really need to rethink their programming.
MASON
A girl.
TREEMAN
Right, a girl.  Well, I’ll take a shot at it.  What’s your issue?
MASON
She doesn’t talk to me.
TREEMAN
Did you do something to her?
MASON
No, never!
TREEMAN
How many times have you tried talking to her?
MASON
Well, I said “Hi” to her and then she said “Hi” back, and then I asked what she was doing, and she was bouncing a ball so she showed me that she was bouncing the ball and she seemed very off-putting and then I said bye and I left the situation because I was under a lot of duress and I couldn’t handle the subtle rejection she seemed to be putting before me, or rather didn’t bother with acceptance and I don’t know what I’m gonna do.
TREEMAN
Slow down, now.  Mason, you’ve got to try harder than that.
MASON
I tried really hard.
TREEMAN
Perseverance is key.
MASON
Is that the wisdom, now?  Three words?
16.
TREEMAN
I’m starting to remember why I kicked you out last time.  Mason, when I was growing up, I wasn’t the most popular tree.  Barely any moss grew on me.  I could barely cover my northern side.  But I worked hard to attract moss and look at me now.  Practically swimming in it.
MASON
But I’m not attracting moss.  I’m attracting girls.
TREEMAN
(pause) Why is that?
MASON
What?
TREEMAN
Why are you attracting girls, trying to anyway?
MASON
Because... they’re... girls.
TREEMAN
That’s not a very good reason.  Run with me on this.
The Treeman puts an arm around Mason and gestures with the other hand as if to “show him the possibilities”.
TREEMAN(CONT”D)
Moss is compact, never leaves you, and is always fresh.  Not to mention, most moss is very loyal.
MASON
I don’t think that’s really a good idea.
TREEMAN
It’s a great idea-- What do you mean?
MASON
I’m not attracted to moss.
TREEMAN
And moss won’t be attracted to you with that attitude.
MASON
I don’t think it’s a good idea.  I think I’m just going to go back there and tell her that I like her.
The Treeman moves in front of Mason.
TREEMAN
Maybe that’s a better idea.
17.
Mason exits.  The Treeman looks down at his own moss.
TREEMAN
Hey, it’s no fault of yours... Oh darling, you mustn’t be so sensitive, he’s just a child.  Yes. You’re very beautiful.  I think every day of how lucky I am to have such shiny moss.
Blackout.
SCENE 4
Sophia is sitting on a bench at recess.  She stares at her hands and then notices that this might seem weird.  She snaps back to pose, in case anyone is watching.
Mason enters.
MASON
Sophia?
SOPHIA
Yes?
MASON
Hi.
Pause.
MASON
Do you want to out on a date?
SOPHIA
Where would we go?
MASON
Dinner?
SOPHIA
What afterward?
MASON
I don’t... know.
SOPHIA
Think.
MASON
An adventure?
SOPHIA
Yes.  I’d like that.
18.
MASON
Cool.  I’ll come to your house around 7?
SOPHIA
Will you?
MASON
Yes.  Goodbye.
SOPHIA
Bye.
Sophia turns and exits.  Mason pauses to cherish the moment, then skips offstage.
Blackout.
SCENE 5
Mason and Sophia walk a street at night.  Mason is dressed in his Sunday Best, while Sophia is dressed in entirely black.
MASON
Did you like the Chicken Tikka?
SOPHIA
Yes.
Mason looks relieved.
SOPHIA
So are we going on an adventure?
MASON
Huh?
SOPHIA
You said we were going on an adventure.
MASON
That was a little bit hyperbolic.
SOPHIA
I don’t know the meaning of the word.
MASON
Well we’re 8.
SOPHIA
I know.
19.
MASON
There’s not a ton we can do at this stage in our lives.
SOPHIA
But we can go on an adventure.
MASON
I don’t know what we could do.
SOPHIA
You’ve never been on an adventure before?
MASON
I did once a little bit.
SOPHIA
Where was it?
MASON
In the forest.
SOPHIA
When?
MASON
When was the adventure?
SOPHIA
Yes.
MASON
About two years ago.
SOPHIA
What did you do.
MASON
Oh.  Um.  I wandered.
SOPHIA
Around the forest?
MASON
Yeah.
SOPHIA
Let’s go do that.
MASON
I’m not sure that’s the best idea.
SOPHIA
Why not?
20.
MASON
It’s in the woods.  At night.  It could be dangerous.
SOPHIA
You’ll protect me, won’t you?
MASON
I’m protecting you by advising that we shouldn’t go.
SOPHIA
I want an adventure, Mason.
MASON
I mean, we had fun at dinner, right?
Sophia gazes of into space, disappointed.
MASON
Um.  Okay.  We can go on an adventure.
SOPHIA
You are turning out to be a good date.
Mason looks back at her and half nods.  He carries himself a little higher.
MASON
Follow me.
Mason leads Sophia into the clearing where he has previously found The Treeman.  Lighting returns to how it was at the beginning of the play.  Sound of forest crescendos to be slightly too large and then shrinks back to a just audible level.
MASON
Well, this is where it was.
SOPHIA
All I see is a stump.
MASON
Right, see that’s where it started, we just have to wait.
SOPHIA
Wait?
MASON
For the adventure to start.
21.
SOPHIA
Okay.
MASON
Any minute now.
The Treeman enters and sees Mason.
TREEMAN
Hey Mason.  Is this gonna be a regular thing now--
He sees Sophia.
TREEMAN (CONT’D)
Oh god damn it Mason.  What did I say?
MASON
Not to tell people about you.  And I didn’t.  You just showed up.
TREEMAN
This is MY house.
MASON
Forest.
TREEMAN
Same thing.
MASON
Look, she’s cool though.
TREEMAN
She’s dressed in all black!  And she’s 8.
MASON
What does that mean?
TREEMAN
Something’s got to be wrong with her.
SOPHIA
There’s nothing wrong with me.
TREEMAN
Well you’re certainly an unbiased source.
SOPHIA
And what are you?
TREEMAN
A homeless man.
22.
SOPHIA
(pointing to his head, to Mason) Why is he wearing antlers?
TREEMAN
I’m crazy. (Aiming to scare Sophia, he dances strangely) Bugahoolamachacha!
SOPHIA
Mason, hanging out with a homeless man isn’t an adventure.
TREEMAN
Mason, why is no child nowadays scared of me?  Have I lost my touch?
SOPHIA
I hope so.  You touching children isn’t a pleasant thought.
TREEMAN
(pause) What the fuck?
MASON
Treeman, do you remember when you offered me an adventure?
TREEMAN
How could I forget?
MASON
Why can’t you take us on that adventure now?
TREEMAN
Mason, could I talk to you alone?
MASON
Yeah, I guess so.
They walk to the opposite side of the stage.  The forest makes this function as a separate room. As they talk, Sophia wanders to the opposite side of the stage, gathers twigs, sits on the stump, and begins breaking them into smaller and smaller pieces.  The Treeman and Mason speak in hushed voices.
TREEMAN
What the hell, man?
MASON
What?
TREEMAN
I told you not to tell anyone about me!
23.
MASON
But she wants an adventure.
TREEMAN
So take her to a different part of the woods and show her a real adventure.
Mason stares blankly at The Treeman.
TREEMAN (CONT’D)
Right, 8.  She needs to go.  She already knows too much.
MASON
If I know, then why can’t she know?
TREEMAN
I don’t trust her.
MASON
Why?
TREEMAN
She’s a girl.
MASON
What does that have to do with it?
TREEMAN
They always seem to muck things up.
MASON
What are you talking about?
TREEMAN
They’re weak and conniving little creatures.  They connive.
MASON
Wow, you’re actually a sexist.
TREEMAN
And you let one of them into my home.
MASON
I need to make this a really good date.  Please help me.
TREEMAN
I’m telling you, moss is where it’s at.
MASON
Shut up with the moss!  Help me!
TREEMAN
Alright.
24.
They return to Sophia.
MASON
Cool.  So, uh, how about that adventure?
Mason gives him a look, as if he’s saying “come on.”
The Treeman thinks for a moment.
TREEMAN
Follow me.
They exit.  Blackout.
SCENE 8
The Treeman, Mason, Sophia, walk around the stage and throughout the theatre, as was done in Scene 1.
SOPHIA
Where are we going?
TREEMAN
You’ll see.
SOPHIA
I don’t like surprises.
TREEMAN
Then why are you on an adventure?
SOPHIA
Why not?
TREEMAN
There are hopefully going to be surprises on this adventure.
SOPHIA
Why should there be?
TREEMAN
That’s kinda the point of an adventure.
SOPHIA
Says you.
TREEMAN
Yes, says me, and says you too if you thought about it for a second.
SOPHIA
Why are you wearing antlers?
25.
TREEMAN
Why aren’t you?
SOPHIA
Because I’m not weird.
TREEMAN
We’re all weird around here.  Maybe this isn’t your scene.
Mason looks at Sophia.
MASON
I’m not weird.
TREEMAN
What’s wrong with being weird?
SOPHIA
Then people don’t like you.
TREEMAN
Yes they do.
SOPHIA
I bet you like to think so.
TREEMAN
People like weird people.
SOPHIA
Weird people, maybe.
TREEMAN
Eccentric.  Eccentric people.  People like eccentric people.
SOPHIA
Eccentric people don’t wear antlers.
TREEMAN
Some of them do!
SOPHIA
The weird ones.
TREEMAN
Oh shut up.
SOPHIA
I mean it.  Why are you wearing antlers?
TREEMAN
Because I’m a spirit.
26.
SOPHIA
Yeah, okay.
TREEMAN
Tell her, Mason.
They look at Mason.  Sophia gives him a wry look.
MASON
He is.
TREEMAN
See?
SOPHIA
He’s a spirit.  Like a ghost?
MASON
No no, he’s the spirit of the forest, he takes kids on adventures sometimes, he like likes moss.
SOPHIA
(pause)  Huh.
MASON
Yeah.
SOPHIA
Do the kids come back from the adventures?
TREEMAN
Yes.
SOPHIA
He’s not a...you know?
TREEMAN
No.
SOPHIA
I’m not talking to you.
TREEMAN
Well I’m not an inanimate fucking object.
SOPHIA
I don’t like the look of him.
TREEMAN
Why does EVERY kid think that EVERY adult they don’t know is a pedophile!?  This is RIDICULOUS!  Most molestations are perpetrated by adults that kids KNOW!  STATISTICALLY, I am much SAFER for you to be around than ANY OTHER ADULT!

I AM NOT a PEDOPHILE!  I am a SPIRIT!  SPIRITS don’t MOLEST CHILDREN! GET IT THROUGH YOU HEAD!
27.
SOPHIA
Pedophiles don’t usually think they’re pedophiles.
TREEMAN
Yes, they do!
SOPHIA
Sometimes they think they’re spirits.
TREEMAN
No, they don’t!
SOPHIA
Yes, they do.
TREEMAN
No, they don’t!
SOPHIA
You’re sounding a little childish.
TREEMAN
AGH!  (pause) I swear to Mother Earth, I’m gonna strangle this girl.
MASON
Sophia, can you not?
SOPHIA
What?
MASON
You’re agitating him.
SOPHIA
So?
MASON
Just, lay off.
SOPHIA
He’s weird.
MASON
I know.  (pause) For me?
SOPHIA
(pause)  Sure.
MASON
Thanks.
28.
SOPHIA
So, spirit.   Do you have special powers?
TREEMAN
I do.
SOPHIA
Like what?
TREEMAN
I can turn into a tree.
SOPHIA
Really?
TREEMAN
Yes.  I’m pretty good at it too.
SOPHIA
Demonstrate.
TREEMAN
I’m not your monkey.
SOPHIA
You were boasting about your powers.
TREEMAN
I wasn’t boasting.
SOPHIA
It sounded like boasting.
TREEMAN
You asked me a direct question.
SOPHIA
Did I?
TREEMAN
Yes.
SOPHIA
Show me your powers.
The Treeman mulls it over.
TREEMAN
Alright.  Give me a minute.  I need to concentrate.
29.
The Treeman puts his hands together in a meditative bind then releases them and then extends his arms out at odd angles.  He stays very still.  There is a pause.
SOPHIA
Huh.
TREEMAN
It’s good, isn’t it?
MASON
You don’t look like a tree.
TREEMAN
What?
MASON
You look like you always do but with your arms up.
TREEMAN
Huh.  Must not be working right.  Let me try again.
SOPHIA
You’re pretty dumb, aren’t you?
TREEMAN
Shut up, let me concentrate.
SOPHIA
If you think you’re funny, you’re not funny.
TREEMAN
Ignoring you.
The Treeman repeats the gestures and again there is a pause.  Nothing happens.  They stare at him, waiting.
TREEMAN
Damnit.
MASON
Have you ever been able to turn into a tree?
TREEMAN
All my life.
MASON
People weren’t just humoring you?
TREEMAN
What people?
30.
MASON
Right.  How do you know that you were able to turn into a tree?