Thread 40: Stories 1-15

Thread 40 archive: http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/S19541053
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 HIYA! Ya' wanna know what this is? This is a bunch'a stories about the coolest Princess Applejack of them all! And I know it, since there's more than one, and I'm one of 'em! A whooole lotta time ago she got changed from another kind'a pony, and now she's a princess! It's been nothin' but fun, she's had the bestest time! And now there's TWO Princess Applejacks... two the number, not... not the me Two. Well, kinda the me too, cause I'm the other one, but... uh...

Huh? How'd it start fer me? Well...
>Ya' just sign that little paper and I'mma princess?
>Yep. That's how adoption papers work.

And then I did a whooole lotta bouncin' and goin' "Yay", it was fun. Told ya' so!

Okay! Like I said ta' ya, there's a whooooole lotta stories that's been goin' on, and ya' can read'em all right here! http://pastebin.com/u/PrincessApplejack

Or if ya' already know that and just missed last time, I got that for ya' right here! >>>>>>http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/S19418937

OH OH OH! Could'ya pllleeeease try writing a story? Please? I'll like it and give ya' a star, really!
Or draw something, like marchmalleys! They ain't as fun ta' eat, but don't let that stop ya'!
Or ya' just wanna talk? I like talking too! So do they, they like hearing you talk, it's fun!

Now I know it seems really big, but if ya' gotta question, ask! We'll tell ya' what's goin' on or who someone is, really!

WOOO! WE MADE IT TA' 40! Threeead number 40!

MARCHMALLEYS FOR EVERYONE! THA'S A PRINCESS ORDER!
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 >Celestia
"???"
~~~~~

Ugh, mornings.

She hated mornings.

Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, she hated them. Hated, hated, hated mornings. She just wanted to go back to bed and never wake up. No more paperwork, no more dealing with crazy jerks, nothing. Just a nice, soothing rest, forever.

But, alas, it was required of her to raise the sun, and raise it she did. Through weary, blurry eyes, she stumbled across the room, bumped headfirst into the window, and dragged the curtains away. With a burst of magic, the sun rose upwards, into the sky, beginning it's journey.

And it was at this moment, with her face pressed to the glass, her mind still fuzzy from shaking off her dreams of salvation and a self sufficient world, that she realized something.

Mostly that the outside of her window looked like a bad drug trip.

>...Well... damn.

"It's not that bad."

She did not know why the talking flower with the wolf head could hear her.

She did know that she disagreed.

>...Better tell Twilight to get fixing...
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 >29
"MM"
'Trixie'
[Zecora]
~~~~

With a long, tired, dramatic groan, the changeling grabbed hold of the nearest pillow, and draped it across his eyes.

>Did anyone get the license plate of the... elephant... was there an elephant? I feel like there was... my goodness, this pillow is soft.

"EEP!"

>...Oh. That's... good?

'BLEEEGH!'

>Less good.

[I have a funny taste within my mouth, and I have a feeling last night went pretty south.]

>...Neutral...

Wearily, he took her rump off his face and peaked around. To his surprise, he had made it back into his room. They all had.

>...We'll call that one a break even.

"W-whyy do I taste glitter?"

'B-BECAUS-GLLUKKKKKK! Because SOMEONE DRUGGED US!'

[Yes, you. It's true.]

'I DIDN'-HYRRKKK-KNOW YOU HAD DRUGS!'

[Herbal remedies, you simple fool! It is nothing but a medical tool!]

"D-didn't feel very medical."

>I don't think we were supposed to ingest them all at once.

[THANK YOU!]

'YOU ALWAYS-GGGLLK- TAKE HER SIDE!'

>Yes, I do.

[...Thank you...]

>Ugh, thine foul taste in mine mouth will never leave.... What am I covered in?

"I don't even know, I'm sticky all over too."

'...Ah, crap, so is Trixie.'

[...]

>...We never examine what happened last night, agreed?

"'[Agreed]"'

>Good, now if you do not mind, I have the biological advantage.

*FWOOOSH!*

'CHEAP LITTLE...'

>AHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHGHGGHGHGHG! IT BUUUUUURNSAHHHHHHHHHH!

*FWOOSH!*

"NINEY!"

>OH SWEET MERCY IT HURTS SO MUCH! MY SKIIIIIIN!

'...'

[Don't you dare, show you care.]

'...haha.'

*SMACK!*

'Worth it!'

"It's okay, calm down, we'll get Zecora some more stuff, and then we'll..."

'...'

[...Shoot.]

>W-what!?

"Niney? I don't think the drugs wore off yet."

>Whyyyy?

'Look out the window.'

>....FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
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 >SA
~~~

Mornings.

He used to look forward to these, you know? He was 100 percent, pure morning person. And he would always wake up cuddling Caddy, with maybe sometimes Two in the mix. And hell, he'll admit it, he liked it when he woke up and one of the others had his back or something. He liked knowing they were looking out for him, he liked knowing his family was there with him, safe. He liked being home.

He didn't like this.

This feeling, waking up alone. Nobody else in the bed, nobody around, nobody there with him. He'd even go so far as to say he hated waking up today. He was mad at Cadence, he'd dealt with Chrysalis all day, he felt 18 needed some time to herself, 42 was blown out, and he didn't want to bother Celestia any further. He knew she wouldn't mind, but he felt like he had taken up too much of her time looking for Cadence already. So he thought to himself, maybe some time alone is just what I need. Maybe this is exactly what the doctor ordered. Just some Shiny time.

...He hated it.

So, he supposed, now was a good time to go down, let Cadence say she was sorry and do as she asked to not bring up the 'incident' again, have another chat with Chrysalis, make sure 42 was okay, properly thank Celestia for her help, let 18 make her quips, ensure Poindexter was still breathing, make Mane-iac put down whatever she was holding, and just hug the snuggles out of his daughter.

Yeah, this seemed like a good plan.

This was a good plan.

So good, he was going to completely ignore the warning sirens going off in his head, and not look out the window like his instincts were telling him.

Yep, everything was going to be just... fine...
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 >Actarius
"JJ"
~~~~

With a long, long groan, he sat upright.

>Ow... my rear legs are stiff.

"Yeah, you spent a lot of time on them."

>Did I?

"Yep, said you wanted to get your mind off stuff, so I helped out and we did stuff."

>Huh. That was considerate of you.

"Always happy to take one for the team!"

>...Ouch, looks like you did, your eye's shut.

"Yeeeeah, stray shot got me. It just stings a little, it'll be fine."

>Are those hoofmarks on your back?

"We got REALLY crazy last night."

>Oh wow, you weren't kidding.

"When have I ever? But don't worry, I healed from the back pain pretty quick, I'm extra sturdy."

>Guess so...

"So, uh... what did she want?"

>Ahhh, I'll tell you about it when we get back, nothing big, don't worry about it.

"If you say so... sooo... wanna try it again?"

>Are you serious?

"It was fun!"

>I looked silly.

"But the fun kind of silly!"

>Ehhh... nah. It's hard enough juggling as it is, doing it while standing on you is just out of my league.

"Awwww."

>And I know you were controlling the balls, that was cheating.

"It's not cheating if it's just us!"

>If I can't handle the balls I have no business doing what I was doing. It's an art, and it deserves respect.

"Fiiiine, we'll leave the ball handling to me."

>Good. I like the show better anyway.

"...Want to get some breakfast?"

>Like you would not imagine.

"How late in the day is it anyway?"

>Dunno, clocks out. Let me just check...

"..."

Very slowly, he closed the curtains.

"..."

>....

"...Uh..."

>JJ? Get my helmet. It's going to be a rough day.

"Meep..."
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 >13
~~

>uggggghhhh... today's gonna suck, I just know it.

*opens curtains*

>....

*Closes curtains*

>...I'm gonna die here...
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 >56
“Luna”
______

>Holy cripes… I’mma hafta talk with sunbutt about this whole mornin’ thing, it starts waaaay too early….

Groggy as hell, 56 stumbled over the snoozing lumps of Dadling, Batmom, and Luna, carefully and purposefully sliding over the lunar princess on his way to the curtains.

He wrenched them back and stared, rubbing at his eye with a hoof.

>Huh… hey. Hey, Moons… did Pinkie say anythin’ about new rides?

“Mmmmgh….”

>No, right? Didn’t think so but… I see a buncha pink manticores bouncin’ on the rooftops over there… annnnnd the fountain in that park is spoutin’ jelly. That normal?

“Nnnmph.”

>Well, yeah, for Pinkie prob’ly….

His gaze dropped to the lower right, where he saw another 56 waving back up at him, this one comprised entirely of wood with spigots for eyes.

>…Annnnnd here’s where I bow out. I’ll try again in a couple hours.

With that said, 56 promptly pulled the curtains back into place, stepped back over Dadling and Batmom and nestled his cheek against Luna’s evenly rising hips.
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 >Velvet
"Nightlight"
~~~~~

>...

"...You realize this is all your fault for jinxing it, right?"

>...

"...You should."

>Get the whip.

"Honey, you're going to be walking funny all day if we do it aga.... OH! Oh, that whip, yeah, right, I'll get right on that."

>...

"...Unless you meant the first thi-"

>GO!
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 >Screwloose
“???”
‘???’
_____

She awoke to a new day.

Well, awoke was the wrong term. She’d never gone to sleep to awaken to anything, but her tapping hoof, the one that tapped in tune to the passing seconds, told her that it was a new day, early morning.

>Tick tock, the screws are loose~.

“So. Are ya gonna go through with it today, Screws?”

The tapping stopped and Screwloose blinked for what felt like the first time in hours.

That was a damn good question, she figured idly, able to perceive her spectral caretaker the clearest she’d ever seen him.

He looked fit for duty. How stout, even in death.

>I suppose I should ask if you’re ready to move on as well…?

“Don’t be usin’ me as a scapegoat to make decisions, Screws. You’re a mare with a mind of your own. If ya wanna go, go. If ya don’t, don’t.”

>Never one to mince words, I’ll grant you that, Tinsel. …So tell me, they did bury you in the usual graveyard, right?

“No reason why they wouldn’t, s’not like I was anything special. Why?”

>I was just thinking to myself: ‘self,’ I thought, ‘you can’t take the soul with you but you don’t want to leave him… so the next best course of action would be to take the bones.’

“…”

>That’s what I was thinking last night anyway, just idle thoughts to keep my mind busy.

“I’m almost flattered you’d go the effort of gettin’ caught and put right back in this dump again just to keep in contact with me.”

>Don’t be. I’m pretty sure that’s just my mind’s little twisted way of saying ‘you don’t really want to leave regardless of what happens to Tiny’, and it may be right. I have two choices if I break free- and listen closely Redheart, it’ll make the chase more interesting.

She cast a devious smirk up at the recording camera.

>As I was saying, I have two choices. One, I go join up with that elementary organization, or two, I can just run. Forever. Neither of those options really appease me, I’ll have you know. I need a stable environment, somewhere with beakers, scalpels, a test subject to test the aforementioned scalpels out on.

“…”

>I can’t get that here, and I can’t get that out there. Fucked if I do, fucked if I don’t. Not, like, literally fucked, goodness knows how long that’s been, right? A conjugal visit? Here? For me? Pft, yeah, I’m not holding my breath. I mean, you’ve seen the box under my bed, it sure as hell isn’t full of long-distance love letters-

“Off topic, Screws. So very off-topic.”

The manic mare began rubbing her thighs together.

>First sign of a stagnating mind, aimless thoughts. Ah well, I’m sure I gave a few of those perverts listening in a stiffy. They probably think I’m rubbing my thighs together because I’m all hot and bothered now.

“…You’re not?”

>Celestia no. I’ve got an itch, and it’s numb. But that’s what happens when you spend all night tapping the blessed wall because these idiots won’t give me a clock. How the hell am I supposed to murder anyone with a clock when I’m hugging myself? How?! And let’s not forget they lost the key to this damn jacket in the first place!

She continued to ramble, jumping from one subject to the next without a hitch.

>-took my dolls away before I could see who won, the dog or the Chitania action figure, those sorry-

“Screws.”

>Yes?

“I think you should leave. Both this place and me. Neither of us are doin’ ya any good. And don’t gimme that blank slate face. You’ve got a lotta life left to live and seein’ ya waste it away in here? Not on my watch. I never lost a patient when I was alive and I damn sure won’t lose one in death.”

>…Did you rip that from a movie?

“Yeah. The movie of my life. Guess who the star is?”

The door opened before she could answer and a Changeling strode in, casually passing right through Tinsel and right up to Screwloose.

>You look like you swallowed a roach, pervert. Finally accepted the fact that you-

‘Today’s my last day.’

>…Come again?

‘I said today’s my last day.’

The itch in her leg was forgotten and Screwloose sat up in her cot, legs dangling over the edge.

>Why’s that?

‘The princesses are coming back from Partyland today, my Queen included, and I was only signed on for three days. This, all of this, has been volunteer work… and apparently I need something like my other job, something that brings in money.’

>Oh. Then just get officially hired.

Wow, how simple was that? Really, such an easy solution.

‘I asked. All the positions are filled.’

>Well… who did you ask, specifically? I need a name.

‘I asked the proprietor of the hospital, Screwloose.’

>Terrible choice, why’d you ask her? She’s been known to lie, probably a racist to Changelings from what I’ve seen. You’ve just got to ask someone else, that’s all.

“…”

‘I can’t. There’s no else I can ask. I got told no.’

There was something in 12’s tone that annoyed Screwloose more than it had any right to. It sounded like the weak cry of a wounded dog, like all the fight was gone before the match even started.

Where was the fire? Where was the fight?

>You don’t… want to stay here?

‘That’s not my choice anymo-’

>Bullshit! You have a choice, you ALWAYS have a choice! You just don’t want to fight for it! You’re just taking it on the chin without even a warning call! I thought you were better than that, you damn pervert!

He wasn’t looking at her.

‘What do you expect me to do?’

>Fight! Argue back! Throw shit around! Cut a bitch! Anything besides just… just giving up… I thought you liked coming here.

‘…I do. Which is why I got you this. I wanted to commemorate our last day.’

From within his white gown, he pulled out a box of fresh doughnuts and set them next to her on the cot.

>….

‘They’re sugar free. I know what sugar does to you so I….’

He fell silent, watching as Screwloose flipped the top up with a hoof. She then bent over and claimed a piece of doughnut between her lips.

A terrible shudder racked her body. Sugar free her ass, there was no such thing. But she kept chewing.

‘…Are you crying?’

What a stupid ass question. Of course she was, those doughnuts were downright disgusting.

She finished the first one, paused for a breath, then went for another.

‘I’m sorry, Screwloose.’

>You should be… bringing me these nasty things….

Tinsel had left somewhere into her third doughnut and she continued to nibble away at them, steadfastly telling herself that the doughnuts were the cause behind the tears rolling hot and heavy over her cheeks.

Yeah.

Just the doughnuts.

‘…You think asking AJ Prime might do something?’

She could’ve kicked him right smack in the face.

>F-first, you try to make me blow chunks, then you bring up a contingency plan, a plan that I thought you’d already and the common sense to try first… Why do I put up with you again, pervert?

A genuine smirk, from the both of them, one watery, the other slight.

‘Because I give a mean hoof massage?’

>Good enough. And speaking of….

‘Sure.’
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 >10
{BBB}
~~~~

>THIS IS CRAAAAZZYYYYYYY!... So it's got to be a great idea!

They we no longer in Canterlot, had not been since last night. Seeing the battle go so badly had at last pried her away from a potential story, and towards where the large congregation of really powerful beings were currently stationed. BBB's rockets were faster than most pegasi, and he could fly all night unlike them. He had his own... 'power source', let's just say.

Being a journalist was important to her.

Making sure nobody got hurt was more so.

Because at the end of the day, she was going to tell it like it was, and she didn't want to be the one to say "Like it was" meant "I let someone get hurt for a better story".

So, here she and her Camerapony was, en route to the party destination capital of the planet, ready to get some help and get going back to... back to...

>...Uh...

{BZZT! ERROR! ERROR! ERROR! INTERNAL DATA IS NOT CONSISTENT WITH READOUT FROM OPTICAL SENSORS!}

>BBB? Uh... think we just found a bigger story...

In awe, she gazed upon it. The floating near island size park hung in the air, massive tendrils of what looked like pink cotton candy and giant spires of candy canes shooting down from it's base and anchoring it to the ground. Even from here, she could see all sorts of twisted rides and giant creatures stomping about on it's surface. It looked like a child's dream come to life, specifically a nightmare from a child who was absolutely terrified of theme parks.

>...You rolling?

{BZZT! AFFIRMATIVE! CAMERA IS ROLLING!}

>That's my camerapony... DIIIIIVVVVVVE!

At her cheerful command, he rocketed towards the structure, completely uncaring as to what may lie for them below.

This was going to make one HECK of an article.
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 >Cordyceps

Throughout Equestria there was harmony...well except for Partyland...and Canterlot Castle...and the Crystal Palace...ok, throughout the unimportant parts of Equestria there was harmony.

There was also red, lovely lovely red. Red dust, red growths, nearly invisible red lines connecting from one creature to another. It was beautiful.

Cordyceps could not understand the concept of beauty, beauty was a concept only understood by its prey. It was useless.

>SPREAD.

Spreading, however, was not useless. It was very useful. Spreading was an imperative, an absolute. To not spread was to stagnate, and Cordyceps could not have that. Stagnation lead to death, or a close proximity to it. It never wanted to be that close again.

>SPREAD

Well, that is to say its default state was to not want that, Cordyceps had no true thought one way or another on the matter, it would spread, it would not, things like objectives and states of success and failure it left to the sentient minds it wished to inhabit.

>SPREAD

It would still spread though, it had to concept of ever NOT spreading. It was fucking foolish to think otherwise. It could not think, of course, nor could it conceptualize how a vulgarity could lend emphasis to anything. Speech befuddled it so, these simplistic hoots and chitters it mocked and used to communicate through its avatar were clumsy, useless.

>SPREAD

Unlike spreading, oh so unlike spreading, and the lovely very useful language of chemicals. Chemicals had no dialects no chances for things lost in translation, chemicals were not complicated.

>SPREAD

Except the chemicals in the heads of these beasts of fur and feather and non-jagged horns. So much more numerous than its old prey, the chemicals in their brains were proving difficult to parse and put towards its own use.

>SPREAD

But it would figure it out...all it would take is time. And time meant nothing to a creature that would soon be everything.
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 >Spike
"Applejack"
~~~
"Hey... Spike?"

>Yeah, AJ?

"Ever feel like tha world jus' wants to shit all over ya lately?"

Spike gingerly opens the curtains and both look outside

>I think the world just likes shitting over everyone.

"If Ah ever meet whoever's responsible fer runnin' things, Ah'mma buck'em in tha balls so hard..."

>Until then...

"Time ta git ta work."

>"Saddle up, partner!"
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 >Vekir
"Vekir's Brain"

>Yawwwwwwwwn! Another pretty pretty preeeeetty day on the surface...and also above it, where we are. The sky demon continues to be a great big burning jerk, the flying bunnies are trying to devour my brother's tail, and we have discovered the joys of the room...ser...vice...

"Vekir! Complications!"

>Report!

"Flying bunnies do not go with the servicing of your room nor the ever present threat of the sky demon!"

>Gasp!

"Muchly gasp! Quickly now, we must think! Whyfor do the flying bunnies only now show their wicked ways?"

>Becauuuuse...because this park trespasses on their flying bunny domain!

"GASP!"

>GASP!

"Then you realize what must be done!"

>Kill the bunnies, cook them for my brothers, and cancel the servicing of rooms as we shall be full...but some lemons aiding us would be nice.

"EXACTLY!"

>"CHARGE!"
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 >Bulk
"RD"
~~~~~

>RAINBOW DASH!

"GnnnngghH!"

>RAINBOW DASH!

"Too earlllly... go bug Spitfire."

>I DID! SHE SAID TO GET YOU!

"Don't yell."

>BUT IT'S IMPORTANT!

"How important?"

>REALLY IMPORTANT!

"Is the world ending? The world better be ending."

>LET ME CHECK!

"..."

>NOPE!

"Then you'd better-"

>JUST PARTYLAND!

"...Bulk, if this is about going home-"

>BUT RAINBOW DASH, WE SHOULDN'T TAKE THEM HOME WITH US, THEY'LL WRECK STUFF!

"..."

>...

"...There's monsters or some shit out there, isn't there?"

>YEP!

"Fucking... vacation..."
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 NON CANON

>Spike
"Applejack"
'Rarity'
~~~
>We need to swing by the confiscated items locker, I need to pick up Charity.

"Last Ah heard tha inner workin's o' this place were as mad as Pinkie 'erself! We'll need help"

'Someone call, darlings?'

>Rares! Thank the Dragon Fathers you're here, can you use some bullshit power to teleport Charity to us?

'I can do you both better! FABULOUS POWERS: ACTIVATE! FORM OF CHARITY!'

Rarity then shifts, contorts, and shrinks until she turns into the gun in Spike's claws

If Spike knew anything about mare anatomy though, then the trigger was actually her-

"Rares... Be honest, have you been snortin' tha chaos dust all around?"

'IT'S A HELL OF A DRUG, DARLING!'

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