F/Z romance drama

*Ding Dong Ding Dong*

Narrator (Lancer/Midorikawa): This Anthology Drama CD is fiction and the story and characters from the television series, Fate Zero, will be quite different. Now, please enjoy the story.

*God has said, or to be more specific, he looked at Type-moon Ace published by Kadokawa Shouten and said: “It could be said that Fate Zero is like a romance game with Saber as the main heroine, huh~” (Nasu….)

*El-Shaddai reference

At that moment, Big Bang.

Far off galaxies, darkness behind further darkness, (???), a new possible world was imagined. Yes, this is what happened in that parallel universe.

Saber: I can’t believe such a strange world existed. Wanting to fill my heart throb meter (Toki Meki Dou) I, who became a Heroic Spirit to participate in the Holy Grail War and decided to disregard my gender ever since pulling out the sword and becoming a king, have been pursued by the other famous figures in history.  If I think about it, it’s not too bad a situation. And a romantic school drama AU is something I have yet to experience. I wonder what will happen… Yes, perhaps first meeting with a classmate and have a refreshing development is the most possible.

*Imagining*

Lancer: You’re the master of the Kendo Club, I’m the hope for the Javelin club. Although we’re in different clubs, let’s complete who’ll reach the top at the Inter-High Championship!

Saber: Yes, sounds good to me!

Lancer: Alright! I won’t lose!

Saber: Ehe he he he. Aha ha ha ha.

*End Imagination*

Saber: But perhaps, a refreshing development isn’t enough. For example, perhaps a forceful approach from an upperclassman.

*Imagining*

Gil: Listen! At the next Cultural Festival, my Archery club’s booth will be decorated with my treasures and will sell the most. And if your measly Kendo Club can’t beat us, as the representative of the Kendo club you will be subservient to me, the winner.

Saber: Ku, what nonsense!

Gil: Fuhahahaha, my decision won’t be changed now. Now, bow before me!

*End Imagination*

Saber: No, perhaps imagining a more impossible development will be good in this setting. For example, maybe someone who will protect me or something.

*Imagining*

Saber: At this rate, in front of the Archery Club, we’ll….

Rider: I’ve kept you waiting.

Saber: Gasp, you are-

Rider: My gang, all the king’s army, will buy from you. This way you won’t lose.

Saber: Ah, yes, thank you for your support, but why?

Rider: I’ve told you before. One day, you’ll be part of my army. And, uh you see. I won’t allow you being anyone’s but mine, the Banchou of Conquerors.

*End Imagination*

Saber: I see. Indeed, a world of possibilities! Good, I’ve visualized the possibilities and been captured by the words ‘Let there be Romance’, all I have to do is act as I am as a beautiful flower. Fufufufu, who will be the first to come. I’m prepared to be like, at first “If we go home together, it’ll be embarrassing if my friends spread rumors. ////” Now, let’s open the curtains to this blooming school romance!

*Scene Change*

Gil: But still, this is going too fast. It feels like just yesterday that that hellish Holy Grail War ended.

Lancer: Finally, my body is able to move. Who would have thought we’d see the cherry blossoms blooming and going to Homuhara High School.

Gil: Ohh, it’s been a long time I’ve seen the school gates. Let’s see, I’ll be the first to go in!

Lancer: Wait! I’ll be the first one!

Gil: Nuo?! Eii, let go of me!

Lancer: I won’t let go!

Gil: Urgh, you mongrel!

Lancer: Shut up, I said I won’t let go so I won’t let go!

Gil: Then I’ll put you in your place! Enuma-

Lancer: Too soft! Hm? Hey, wait! Do you hear something strange?

Gil: Huh? *helicopter noise* W-What?! That’s a military helicopter, Mi-24 Hind!?

Lancer: Look! Someone’s coming out!

Rider: Joui De Aru!! (??? i think it’s like “top class” but that sounds really awkward…)

Lancer: What!? Jumping out from that height without a parachute!

Gil: Deciding on a landing point!

Lancer and Gil: And landed perfectly!!??

Rider: He he he top class. You have been accepted to participate in the *Tenchou Gorin Dai Holy Grail War Tournament.

*Reference to Otokojuku… which I know nothing about orz.

Gil: What!? Tenchou Gorin Dai Holy Grail War Tournament…!?

Lancer: What?! You know about it, King of Heroes?

Gil: Yeah, Tenchou is not held on earth but rather above the heavens, a great tournament held on the moon! *Moon-something, gathering the powers of the something, 128 students gather and fight to the death, a rigorous fight.

*Reference to Fate/Extra

Lancer: Interesting. I don’t really care to go to the moon to meet rabbits, I’ll show off my lancing skills even in space.

Rider: Oh, but, I have to test you guys if you are truly worthy to participate.

Gil: What…did you say!?

Rider: Homurahara School’s specialty is ‘Oil-bathing!’ Covering yourself in oil while in a pot of boiling oil with a candle floating in it. But you can’t let yourself get beat to the heat. One small movement and the candle will tip and catch the oil on fire! A true test of being a man overcoming fear and agony.* How about it? Will you test yourself as a true man? Show me, if you can.

*Again Otokojuku.

Gil: Hmph, you ask if I’m man enough? Alright! I’ll show you!! This is a man’s true spirit!!

Lancer: King of Heroes!!!

Rider: Ohhh ho ho ho….

Saber: What drama are you guys doing!!??

*flips the oil*

*screaming and fire*

Gil: Ahhhhhh on my body, oil!!! And it lit up by the candle!!!!!!!!

Lancer: This is horrible!

Saber: No, you’re the ones who have drifted further and further away from the original concept and going crazy with these unstoppable developments that are horrible! How long are you going to ignore me, the main heroine!

Rider: Eh? No, but I heard we were doing a school themed story.

Saber: NO! This might be school themed, but what school theme we’re going for is something completely different!!!

*Scene Change*

Saber: Well, let’s try to introduce our roles in this world. I am Saber. King of Knights, Arturia. This time, I’ve been summoned as the lovely captain of the Kendo Club as the main heroine of this school. I’ve been summoned in this strange world in this strange situation, but I’ll do my best.

Lancer: Diarmiud O’Dyna. Summoned into the Lancer class. The club I’m participating in is… The Civil Engineering Club.

Saber: Eh? Civil Engineering, when you’re a Lancer…?

Lancer: What about it?

Saber: No, if you’re satisfied with it, it’s fine.
Lancer: Well, right now, I’m helping my lord, the president of the CE club, with his graduation project, a maze atelier. It spans an entire floor, has twenty-four trap doors, three sound machines, dozens of guard dogs, countless traps. Parts of the hallway lead to trap doors. (parody of Kayneth’s magical atelier from ep. 6)

Saber: What can I say…. I feel like this maze won’t work out well….

Gil: Oh that’s right, mongrel. About your club’s president, I saw you and his lover, the manager of the club, together the other day. What was that about?

Lancer: Urh, that was… I was forced to… or I couldn’t resist…

Saber: Ahh, it seems he’s been summoned as quite the unfortunate character.

So then, Rider. Are you part of the horse-riding club?

Rider: No, I, King of Conquerors, Iskander, has been summoned into the Military Research Club.

Saber: Ho, Military Research. It’s a bit unusual you’re part of a cultural club, but it does match your character. As expected as the King of Conquerors, you’re involving your past experiences.

Rider: Well, the truth is, we just play games all day in the clubroom. But don’t think I’ve forgotten about conquering the world. Actually, we’re researching on that too, in the game world.

Saber: Ah, actually he’s kind of an unfortunate character too.

Then, King of Heroes, what club are you participating in? As you are in the Archer class, are you in the Archery club?

Gil: Yuetsu research club. (pleasure..? joy? it’s kinda awkward so i’m keeping it as is)

Saber: Huh?

Gil: Yuetsu research club. We go to that dank basement of the church, Kirei and I drink wine together and question the true meaning of pleasure while imagining these situations and laugh ‘Fuhahahaha’ evilly. That is the Yuetsu club! Alright, Saber, I approve of you joining!

Saber: I’ll have to refuse.

Gil: Fast!

Saber: What is this… there are only unfortunate characters.

Rider: Alright, we’ve done our introductions. Then let’s start over again. In this world overflowing with romance!

Lancer: Yeah!

Gil: Good! I’ll approve this opening!

Saber: Alright, let’s begin. Raise the curtains to this imaginated world!

Rider: Then let’s continue from before. Fuhahahahahaha you guys have been approved to participate in the Tenchou Gorin Dai Holy Grail War Tournament.

Gil: Tenchou Gorin Dai Holy Grail War Tournament, you say!?

Lancer: What!? You know about it, King of Heroes?

Gil: Yes! Tenchou is-

Saber: Too innocent, Aiguille!!* (あまりに無垢なエギーユ!!)

*Reference to Gundam 0083??? not sure.

Gil: That hurts! An extremely painful punch has been recieved!*

*I think this is a Animate Tenchou joke??

Saber: I’ve been saying that that’s wrong!

Lancer: Wait. King of Knights, wait! We’re not joking around either.

Saber: What nonsense. What part of this is not a joke!?

Rider: Calm your anger, and listen to us with an open heart. Seriously, no joking around. This time we’ve been called to “do Romance,” right? Then this is actually the right way.

Saber: …what do you mean?

Rider: Because, look. In this future, my legend was so great it gave birth to the Alexander Romance genre, so am I not the incarnate of the romance genre itself?

Saber: The King of Conquerors, the incarnate of romance?

*Imagination mode*

Rider: Oh, I’m done for. The only thing that can save me now is a kiss from a maiden. Only that. Now let’s see, are there any young maidens around here?

*End Imagination*

Saber: *Cough*

Rider: You, what did you just imagine.

Saber: ….n-nothing…

Rider: No, I don’t want to hear it. But, Saber. You are making a great mistake.

Saber: A mistake…?

Rider: The word “Romance” is not to describe love stories.

Saber: Eh?

Gil: Coming from the term “Rome like,” it’s used to describe tales of chivalry.

Lancer: A knight leaves home and goes on an adventure. He meets with a beautiful maiden. He protects her from evil dragons and monsters and then becomes a king. Is what a true romance is. In other words, the courageous acts of bravery are the true important parts. But in recent times, the focus shifted to the chivalrous parts and eventually the term romance = love story. Ah, how tragic.

Saber:….

Rider: You don’t get it? Then let me give you an example to work with.

A girl with glasses was told by a frivolous boy, “You look cuter without glasses.” And when she took them off, she became really popular but realizes “I’m only popular because of my looks, they’re not looking at the real me” and come together with the prince that first saw her true self. That kind of cliched shoujo manga pattern is usually parodied only closing up on the part where she takes off her glasses and becomes popular. Something like that.

Saber: No, that’s not what I was concerned about. Then, romance is…

Lancer: Yes, those who commit courageous acts, a story of winning glory and victory in the face of danger.

Gil: And, with the power of the Holy Grail, we’ve been summoned with today’s knowledge. If we’re talking about a school romance, what we have been doing is right on track.

Saber: No, that reasoning is strange!

Lancer: And if we’re talking about romance, King of Knights, are you not a popular topic for the romance genre?

Saber: ….is that so?

Lancer: The famous legend of Britain, it opened the genre of romance in France.

Saber: ….after crossing over that hill, I’ve realized my circumstance. It feels strange, but I’m also happy. I suppose I should be honored. If I think about it, the grounds of the Holy Grail War, in this far off land of Japan, I’ve been granted with high ranking bonus stats. That should be proof of how far and wide my legend has been spread. Since I’m different from the other heroic spirits and still alive, I did not know how my legend was told after my death. If my valor is this famous … I’m happy.

Gil: Nfufufufufu… Valor… Famous… huh.

Saber: King of Heroes. What do you want to say?!

Gil: No, it’s really amazing. According to these romance novels, you’ve… MASSACRED MILLIONS OF ROMANS.

Saber: I did no such thing!

Rider: Even though the term romance came from Rome, you didn’t have to go massacre the Romans.

Saber: That’s slander!

Gil: The romance of romance, King Arthur! Looming over the Roman Emperor Lucius, seventeen city states and thirteen senates. And what’s more, protecting the empire was fifty demon giants. Without holding back, you massacred the reviving empire with Excalibur!

Saber: That’s crazy! What giants?! In fact, who is Emperor Lucius?! From what country did that story come from?

Gil: Lancer just said it was from France! You’re the hero that saved France from the Romans and giants, right?

Saber: That’s the first time I’ve heard it!
Lancer: King of Knights, since when have you been a representative of France?

Saber: I am, without mistake, the representative of Britain! Also I would like it if they didn’t make up these crazy stories with giants!

Gil: In a different book, you’re portrayed as a strong character that laughs while exterminating witches. Good! This time go with that character and charge! Charge! And become the source of my pleasure! In fact, join my Yuetsu club!!!

Saber: Are you taunting me, Archer!?

Lancer: That’s right! It’s rude to humiliate the King of Knights like that!

Saber: Lancer…!

Lancer: That’s much too cruel! That’s wrong! The true King of Knights is not like that!

Saber: Lancer!

Lancer: To be accurate, King Arthur in Arthurian legend is called the king who didn’t do anything. When he knew about Lancelot and Guinevere’s affair, all he did was become depressed over his lost love. And after drinking and eating at banquets he took naps and lazed around. And since Lancelot’s legend was more famous, King Arthur = NTR man was a popular interpretation.

Saber: Lancer!!!!

Lancer: No, see there are several different tellings of King Arthur’s legend, but the Round Table was more focused on and Lancelot became a more important character.

Rider: Ahh, it’s like that. There isn’t much different from that one and this one. For example, let’s say the Fifth Holy Grail War started, and the King of Knights was summoned was again. In that world, she becomes a eating, sleeping, and always hungry character. Who could deny this?
Lancer: If we focus on the napping part, she wears a cute lion kigurumi pajamas and becomes a cute character.

Gil: NTR… It’s my turn, huh!

Rider: You may grieve, and even tear up, but you should never deny the past! Even if you’re NTR’d! Even if you sleep!

Saber: Ex — Calibur!!

*Screaming*

Narrator: And so, the curtain for this parallel universes’s school romance opens. But Saber had not yet noticed. A man who would go along with Saber’s desired love story development. Even now, in the shadows of the classroom, he stares at her. The bug-eyed president of the Biology club, Caster.

The End.