incoherent / silence screams

I think a million thoughts all of which I want to describe to you coherently. There is a phrase "grab life by the horns" well we try this of course but life is a great amorphous beast and reaching into it how can we tell where the horns are. I imagine myself falling in and seeing countless thousands swimming in grey water without direction. Lean too far on my motorcycle and scrape body and life across a great stretch of pavement.
This feeling competes with millions and I am still not coherent. Delete and redelete phrases that deserved to be read by millions! I peddle my bicycle hard and fast into a thicket of thorny brambles that immediately consume me and rape me and cut up my daring and dancing ego.
Bitter and vile thoughts of death come to me from boring wastage occupations. Days in which I learned nothing new, made no steps further, shared nothing, and starved slowly watching lizards interact with each other about how hot they like their heat lamps to be. Silence screams