Exile

Byster cinched his belt taught around his waist. His pack was laden with supplies, and his heart was heavy with burden. But the village needed him. It needed him now more than it ever had before.

“Elder… Are you certain you don’t need me here to protect the village?” he asked the gnarled old man in front of him.

The man nodded solemnly. “Yes, dear Byster. The other guards can fend off the evils of the world until you return. We need you on the front lines, taking the fight to the monsters. Only once their incursion is repelled can we live without fear once again.”

Byster nodded. A monumental task indeed, but one that needed to be done all the same. The other guards didn’t have the skill or courage for such an undertaking.

“Before you go, take this.”

The blacksmith handed something wrapped in cloth to the elder. He slowly unfurled the cloth revealing a new sword.

“May it serve you well.” Said the elder, bowing his head and handing the blade to Byster.

“Wooooowww!” gasped Byster. He wrenched the sword out of the old man’s hands, nicking the elders fingers as he pulled the blade away. “Oh, sorry!”

The old man cursed and shook his bleeding hand in the air.

“Just…! Ferrop will show you where to go.” Said the elder, glaring at Byster. “Chief God be with you.”

“And you as well.” Said Byster. The blacksmith handed him a scabbard for the sword, which Byster quickly affixed to his pants. It took him several attempts to sheath the blade, but after he had opened a few new holes in his pants he finally managed to sink the blade into the hardened leather.

The villagers around him gave him their heartfelt farewells. Some of them cried. Byster understood that they were afraid, but knew that their worry was unmerited. He would return triumphant over the demonic hordes. Seeing one of the village girls looking plaintively at him, he smiled and nodded at her to reassure her. She turned away. Too shy and sorrowful to face the departing hero. Perhaps he would find her when he returned…

Ferrop pushed through the crowd. “Chief God be praised, I thought the day would never come. Come on, we’re leaving.”

Ah, Ferrop. The second fiddle. Sure, he had a higher body count when it came to bandits, and he brought home the most meat during the winter, and his farm tended to be a liiiittle bit better than everyone else’s, but everyone knew that Byster was the REAL heart and soul of this town. He was glad that Ferrop would be here to help the town. It would be fine in his (mostly) competent hands. Ferrop was a good man; even if he did get a little surly…

“Do you have food? Actually, never mind. Let’s go.” Said Ferrop. He dragged Byster by the collar towards the woods. Byster waved to the villagers as he stumbled backwards, already thinking about their reactions when he marched back into the village.

~~~~~~~

The elder watched Byster go. The nightmare was finally over. Years ago, the poor man had made the mistake of adopting the boy after finding him abandoned in the center of town by a passing caravan.

Though the elder did his best to raise Byster as his own son, the lad had proved time and time again to be nothing more than a bumbling oaf. At best. Houses had been burnt down by neglected fires. Crop fields had gone unharvested after Byster forgot to harvest them. Winters were long and harsh when Byster constantly left the door to the woodshed open, allowing snow to accumulate over the logs. The man didn’t have any concept of rationing either. The elder’s food socks would vanish overnight, consumed by Byster “because he was hungry.”

Byster’s reign of terror had come to a head when he had contaminated an entire grain silo with fungus because he hadn’t washed his tools as he’d been told too. The village had quickly come together, and deeming that Byster’s very existence was a blight to the community, decided to exile him. It was an easy choice, and they all felt little regret in relieving themselves of his presence. He was a kind person, but also delusional and arrogant. The elder sighed. If only he could have raised him better…

“Is he gone?” whispered the tavern keeper.

“Give him a Ferrop a few more minutes…” muttered the elder.

One of the town’s hunters jogged into the forest. He returned a moment later. “They’re gone.”

The crowed erupted in celebration. Kegs were rolled out and cracked open as the revelry commenced. Food supplies were low after Byster ruined a portion of their stored grain, but they feasted nonetheless with the knowledge that they wouldn’t have to support the gluttonous degenerate anymore.

“Cheers, Elder.” Said the tavern keeper.

The elder knocked his mug against his, and drained the mug of mead in one swig.

“Ahh… I haven’t felt this young in years!” he roared.

The tavern keeper laughed and poured him another.

~~~~~~~

“Gods are you slow.” Said Ferrop, pausing once again to allow Byster to catch up.

Byster blundered through the bushes, clothes and skin torn to tatters on the branches and brambles that he had snared himself in.

“I’m… fine!” wheezed Byster. He tried to climb over a log and slipped on a patch of moss. Ferrop watched in indifference as he landed face first in the dead leaves.

“Right. Come on, I want to be there before nightfall.” Said Ferrop.

He pushed a branch aside, allowing it to swing back and clothesline Byster. He COULD pretend that this was the front line and return to the village, but everyone knew that there was only one thing Byster was good at: finding his way back.

No matter how many errands they sent him on, no matter how many trips he took, no matter how far away he ended up, Byster ALWAYS wound up back in the village. Once, he had been kidnapped and blindfolded by bandits. They quickly realized that he was worth nothing, and left him for dead in the woods. Byster walked for three days through unfamiliar woods to reappear in the tavern in the middle of the night, eating raw potatoes from the root cellar. Some of the guards had tried to lose him in the woods, dragging him deep into the forest and telling him to keep watch here until further notice. Byster arrived back before the guards did, who had gotten lost on the way back, to ask exactly how long ‘until further notice’ was. Some said that he was cursed; a man too stupid to die. Most folks just thought he WAS a curse.

 Ferrop stopped to inspect a tree. A branch the size of his bicep was partially torn off a tree, hanging by a thin layer of wood bent to the extreme. They were close now. It was hard to believe that an ogre lived this close to town without causing problems. Not many problems. Occasionally a sheep would go missing, but Ferrop had never been interested in tangling with an ogre over a few missing livestock. He had tracked her here after one such instance, and after seeing the beast with his own two eyes, realized that attacking her with his old hunting bow was probably a poor choice. The elder was the only other person who knew of her existence.

Ferrop sighed. The elder, and now Byster. He was a little sad to see the lad go, but he was a danger to the village, and worse, an unrepentant danger. No matter how many lessons he was taught, no matter how he was scolded, no matter how little time had passed, he ALWAYS repeated his mistakes. Such an incorrigible soul would doom them all if he was allowed to remain with them. Ferrop had been tasked with finding a suitable means of ‘removing’ Byster, and deemed that the ogre was probably the most merciful way to go. And hell, if by some miracle he managed to kill the thing, that would be just fine too. He must have SOME sort of divine protection to live this long…

“Ferrop, we’ve been walking all day! Are we almost there?” whined Byster.

“Almost.” Grunted Ferrop.

It was clear to even Byster when they arrived at the lair. All the trees in the surrounding area had been chopped down, and all the vegetation trampled flat. A cave entrance had been crudely barricaded with chunks of wood. Smoke lazily wafted out of a rudimentary chimney jutting out of the rock. Several hides had been stretched to tan in the sun.

“This must be the place.” Said Byster.

“Yep. That’s their stronghold. Do you think you can take them?” asked Ferrop.

“Yeah!” cried Byster. He charged forward, tripping over a stump. Fumbling with his sword, he managed to unsheathe it and continue his assault.

“Goodbye, Byster.” Said Ferrop. The screaming simpleton arrived at the door to the cave and began hacking at it with his sword. Ferrop turned his back on the poor fool and headed for home.

“COME OUT, CURS!” roared Byster, knocking another chip out of the wood. He stabbed the sword into the door. The blade sunk into the soft pine he had impaled. Try as he might, Byster couldn’t pull it free.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON OUT HERE?!”

The door burst open, knocking Byster back. An ogre stomped out and glared down at him.

“What the hell?! A human? Here? And you’re…” she looked back at the sword, still jiggling back and forth in her door. “…Attacking me?”
Byster stood up. She was certainly… bigger than he imagined. Ferrop was nowhere to be seen either.

“I-I’ve come to destroy you and your ilk.” Said Byster.

The ogre laughed. “My ‘ilk?’ Where did you get the impression that I was with company?”

“Ferrop said that there was an army in there.”

The ogre gave him a bemused look. “A demon army? In a cave? In the middle of the woods?”

Byster’s face reddened. How dare this beast mock him! He rushed forward and tried to pull the sword out of the wood. The ogre watched as he dashed past her.

“Hey! What are you doing, pipsqueak? Don’t tell me you’re trying to get that thing out.” Said the ogre. She strode over to him and seized him by the throat. Byster squealed as she lifted him off the ground.

“Let go of me!” shouted Byster, battering her wrist with his fists.

“Eugh! You’d think that village could have sent me someone a little more… sturdy.” Said the ogre, looking him over. She pulled the sword out of the wood.

“And what the hell is this? Piece of junk looks like it was made in a hurry.” Said the ogre, inspecting Byster’s sword. Little did she know, the blacksmith had cast and created the thing in a day. It was a miracle it hadn’t broken already.

“Dull, chipped already, and…” the ogre smacked the flat of the blade against a rock. The blade snapped in two. “…Brittle. Is this REALLY the best you humans can do?”

“I’m the strongest there is!” cried Byster. His gloat was cut short by a firm squeeze to his neck.

“Quiet, meat. You’re mine now, that’s what you are. Hmm…” the ogre tore away his shirt. Byster yelped and squirmed as her fingers prodded his stomach. “A little soft, but that’s alright. A fitting body for a weakling like you. I’m going to enjoy sinking my teeth into you~”

Byster wailed. “NOOOOO! You can’t eat me! Everyone is counting on me! I’m the strongest!”

“Would you shut up?” sighed the ogre, flicking his forehead.

Byster sobbed. To think that this was his fate, bested and eaten by a monster in the middle of nowhere. What would happen to the village? How would they go on without him?

“Crying only turns me on~” warned the ogre. She slung Byster over her shoulder and entered her cave.

The interior of the cave was just as austere as the ramshackle exterior. A few roughly skinned pelts draped over logs tied together by vines formed the only furniture in the hovel. In the center of the cave, a divot had been dug to allow a firepit to be constructed. A cauldron bubbled lazily over the embers. Byster whimpered. No doubt he would soon be tossed into the broth. The ogre rummaged around a basket and pulled out a coil of rope. In a flash, she had Byster’s hands and legs securely tied.

“There. Now you just wait there while I get everything ready.”

Byster thrashed about the floor as the ogre began adding extra animal skins to her bed.

“This might be a little thin for a softy like you, but I think you’ll be alright. And if you aren’t? Well…” she chuckled. “Even better.”

The ogre added pelts until she was satisfied with the plushness of the bed. She turned back to Byster. He was desperately trying to gnaw through the ropes but had gotten a piece of the cordage lodged between his teeth.

“Let’s hope that tenacity is good for more than just escape.” Said the ogre, licking her lips.

Byster shrieked as his pants were torn away.

“Please, no!” he squealed.

“Oh, good. You already know your lines~”

The ogre tossed the bound man onto the stack of furs and stripped herself. “Now, get ready…”

She straddled Byster. His member was already standing attention, enticed by the musky smell of the cave.

“To become my-“

The ogre slammed down onto Byster’s hips. He moaned and painted her innards with his semen.

“-Bitch!? What the hell?! Did you just…”

The ogre stood up. She wiped a trickle of spooge off her thigh.

“DID YOU JUST CUM?!” she roared.

Byster sobbed.

“That village… They sent you to fuck with me! Spared me anyone who could put up a fight, and sent the most worthless, incompetent, fuckwit to piss me off!” shouted the ogre.

“I want to go home!” wailed Byster.

“Shut up! This is your home now.” Said the ogre. She rummaged through her belongings beside the bed. Pulling out a handful of manticore spines, she jabbed one into Byster’s thigh. He screamed and writhed as the venom started to numb his leg.

“If you can’t be useful, then I’ll just have to MAKE you useful.” Said the ogre.

Byster looked at the pile of spines resting next to him as the ogre remounted him. The tears flowed, but all he could do was whimper in despair.

~~~~~~~

“Byster! How many times do I have to tell you to put the axe away!?”

Byster scurried over to his wife and nabbed the axe. His wife, whose name he had learned was Hylo, grumbled as he stashed the crude stone implement in the shed and returned to her side.

“What do you say?” she asked coldly.

“S-sorry…” he murmured.

“Louder!” she said, flicking his forehead.

“Sorry!” yelped Byster.

Hylo grunted. She lurched off into the forest to hunt for roots. Byster followed behind her, jogging after her as she lumbered through the woods. It had been several months since his capture, and Hylo was just as brutal today as she was the day she had enslaved him. More brutal, if anything. Hylo insisted that she was going to “make something of him” by teaching him various things. This ranged from simple domestic tasks to hunting. Byster failed them all. And thus, he often received his punishment: violence. Hylo was a strong proponent of the idea that gratuitous sexual violence and light beatings would toughen Byster up. It hadn’t, but that wasn’t stopping her. As far as she was concerned, a competent husband was just a bruised pelvis away.

“Hylo~”

Byster flinched. And the reason for all that training was…

“Still dragging that ‘man’ around, Hylo?” a grizzly teased.

“Shut up, Ornatu.” Bristled Hylo. She pulled Byster closer to her.

“Heyya Byster. Doing alright?” said the grizzly, sneering down at him.

Byster hid himself behind Hylo’s thigh.

“Aww~ How cute.” Mocked Ornatu.

“Byster! Use your words, damn it!” said Hylo, dragging her husband out from behind her thigh.

“I-I’m fine.” Said Byster. He hated this damn bear woman. No matter what he did, her antagonistic comments always incensed Hylo. And that meant more ‘training’ when they got back to the cave. Damn this green woman. But Byster wasn’t afraid, no sir. All part of the plan. Once he discovered Hylo’s weakness, he would defeat her and return triumphant to the village. It was just taking longer than anticipated. As it turns out, ogres are REALLY strong. Byster had tried attacking her several times already, at worst inflicting an injured toe when he had accidently dropped the cooking pot on it. On purpose. An effective tactic, but he wasn’t going to repeat the assault after Hylo had forced him to spend the rest of the day kissing it to make it better.

“Suuuuure you are, Byster! You’re always fine, aren’t you?” said Ornatu. “Say, did you finally manage to hunt anything for your precious wife yet?”

Hylo grit her teeth.

“N-not yet…” mumbled Byster.

“Not even a rabbit?” gasped Ornatu, clapping her hands to her cheeks. “Goodness! You’d better learn fast, Byster. After all, your wife’s wonderful curves will disappear if she goes too long without food.”

Hylo stepped towards the grizzly. “Shut the hell up! He’s learning.”

“Isn’t that what you said a few weeks ago? When you promised me that he’d be bagging deer bigger than himself by now?”

Hylo blushed. “Byster’s doing alright! He even stopped fucking up so much around the cave.”

“Hah! ‘So much,’ she says. I love it! Delivering that guy to your doorstep was the smartest thing that village ever did.”

“I’ll make something of him yet. Just you wait.” Said Hylo.

Ornatu smirked. “Sorry Hylo, you know I can’t help myself. The biggest, baddest girl this side of the mountains marries a bumbling oaf, and I’m not supposed to relish the irony? Impossible!”

Hylo tore a branch off a nearby tree and hefted it. Ornatu retreated a few steps, aware that she had crossed the line from banter into bonk territory.

“For such a big girl, you always did have such a fragile ego. Oh well, I must be off anyways. MY husband caught an elk, and the thing is so big he needs my help to get it back home. Maybe I’ll leave you some bones for a stew after we’re done with it~” said Ornatu. The grizzly hurried off into the forest.

Hylo cursed and continued on. Byster stumbled over a root and clambered after her. The silence was oppressive.

“Don’t mind her.” Said Hylo gruffly.

“Huh?”

“Ornatu. Don’t listen to her.”

“Oh… Alright…” said Byster.

Hylo stopped to inspect a plant. Satisfied by what she saw, she pulled a trowel off her belt and unearthed the root. Byster watched as she did. Better to learn what the good plants looked like, lest he accidently contaminate the whole pack with a poisonous herb. Again.
“Hold this.” Said Hylo, passing him the pack. She began to yank out other roots and stuff them in as Byster waited.

“Byster, do you… like me?” asked Hylo.

“Huh?”

“Stop saying ‘huh’!” snapped Hylo.

“What do you mean ‘do I like you’?”

“It means exactly what it sounds like, idiot!”

Byster thought for a moment. For all his schemes that he had conceived to escape her clutches, he had never actually put any of them in motion. Some days, he didn’t think of the village at all. Just went about his daily routine with Hylo, eking out a life in the woods.
No, it was ridiculous! Of course he hated her. She beat him, raped him, ate his food, snuggled with him, taught him how to survive…
She had taken time for him. Byster frowned. No one in the village had ever done that. Everyone was always so jealous, they just foisted him off to the closest available person. Hylo was the only person- monster that he had ever met to give him the time of day. And it DID seem that her infatuation was genuine. Not that Byster was surprised. Women were just drawn to his good looks and charm. All in all, he couldn’t find any reason to hate her beyond her being an aberration in the eyes of the Chief God and a blight on Her otherwise pristine plane of existence.

“Kinda.”

“Kinda?!”

Hylo glared at him. Byster raised the bag to protect himself, spilling roots as he did. Hylo frowned and sighed.

“I suppose ‘kinda’ is fair…” she said despondently.

“Why did you ask?”

“…No reason.”

Hylo collected the last of the herbs and took the pack from Byster. They meandered through the forest for a while, Hylo moving slower than she normally did. More than once, Byster caught her staring back at him to see how he was doing.

“Byster, come here.” Said Hylo. She found a mossy slope and laid out on the plush sheet of greenery.

Byster quickly took his place next to her.

“Put that pack down.” Said Hylo. Byster unslung the pack and she grabbed him. Knowing better than to struggle, Byster patiently allowed himself to be placed on top of Hylo’s considerable body.

“Byster, I want you to know that even if you aren’t good at anything, that’s still okay with me.” Said Hylo.

“Huh?”

“I told you to stop saying that!” said Hylo.

“Sorry…”

“I see you trying all these things, and I know I drive you to try many things as well, but I don’t expect you to be the best at everything you try. Sometimes, it’s alright if you’re just good enough.” Said Hylo.

“But I’m really good at most things I do.” Said Byster.

“No, you aren’t. You can’t cook, you can’t hunt, and you’ve almost killed us both when I sent you out to go get some more herbs. It took you three trips to the creek to get a bucket of water without falling and spilling it all.” Said Hylo.

“But there were the other things!” insisted Byster.

“Name one.”

“I made the bed really well!”

“It’s a pile of pelts. And the last time I let you rearrange it, my back was in knots for a week.”

“I uhh… I collect a lot of firewood!”

“You get twigs and dry leaves. We had to leave the door open all night after you almost killed us with smoke. The only time you ever brought back decently sized logs, they were wet. It took ages to restart the fire after you put them in.”

Byster wracked his brain for more instances of his talents. Hunting? No, he hadn’t caught anything yet. Fishing? No, the closest he had come was being pinched by a crayfish. Manual labor? No, it took Hylo minutes to do what he could do in hours. He listened to the beat of Hylo’s heart as he thought. Was he REALLY that useless?

“I can farm!” blurted Byster.

“You mean your ‘garden’ outside? I’ve been tending to that for two weeks! You always forget to water it.”

“I never watered my crops in the village, and they still grew.” Said Byster.

“Byster, crops need water. SOMEONE watered your plants.”

Byster squirmed. Now that he thought about it, the soil HAD seemed quite damp most days, even if it didn’t rain. Did the villagers REALLY look after him like that? Did THEY think he was a burden too?

“Byster, you’re getting all tense. What’s wrong?” asked Hylo, squeezing him.

“Nothing…”

“Liar. Tell me. Now.” Said Hylo firmly.

“I-I just don’t want to be a burden to anyone…” said Byster. “I try so hard, but it always seems like I mess everything up.”

“That’s okay.”

“Huh?”

Byster’s ribs creaked as Hylo crushed him in her arms.

“I’m sorry! It slipped out!” squeaked Byster.

Hylo eased up on him. “It’s okay if you’re not the best at anything. Or if you aren’t good at anything. You make my life hard sometimes, but… I really do like having you around. I want you to be good at what you do, but there's no deadline. If it takes years for you to achieve proficiency, so be it. I'll be there to support you every step of the way. But don't think I'll go soft on you! I plan on making sure you're REALLY up to snuff. So don’t ever think you’re burdening me; having you here is all I need from you.”

Byster could hear Hylo’s heartrate quicken. Now SHE was the one who was getting all stiff. He awkwardly raised his hand to clasp hers. Her breath hitched, but she gently squeezed his hand in her own.

“I don’t mind being out here, I guess. Sometimes I miss everyone, but I get the feeling they don’t miss me. No one has come looking for me after all… And I like it out here. When the other monsters aren’t around, at least.” Said Byster.

Hylo nuzzled the top of his head. “Bah! Those humans in the village don’t know what they passed up. Tell you what, why don’t we go steal one of their sheep tomorrow?”

“Really?” asked Byster.

“Really.” Said Hylo.

“Okay, but just a little one.” Said Byster.

“Depends on whose definition of ‘little’ we use.” Chuckled Hylo.

Hylo stretched and yawned. Byster could sense her drowsiness, exacerbated by the warm sun seeping through the canopy and the soft moss beneath her. In no time, Hylo was talking in her sleep about how good the mutton was. Byster felt his own eyelids drooping. For the first time in his life, he slept without the weight of expectations bearing down on him.