Thread 41: Stories 91-105

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>32
"77"
'High Roller'
-Variolus In 32's Head-

'Oh hey more company, sweet. Is he gonna offer to suck you off too?'

"I'm sorry, what?"

'Nothin.' '

>Oh, grand, you're back finally.

"Hello to you too, brother."

>Barking up that tree still, are we? You're going to starve attempting it one day, little lapdog, and then where will the Queen be?

"I understand you nearly died of starvation this weekend."

>Why yes, yes I did. Thankfully 29 was prepared to assist me. I'm certain the little one would have as well if she'd been able to slip down here again.

"Or I could have."

>Please, you probably only came down here because 29 told you as much.

"I thought it proper to ensure there were no structural weaknesses a prisoner-"

>AKA Me.

"-could exploit."

'Dude, how the hell are Plushies gonna cause structural weaknesses?'

"Chaos magic is unpredictable."

'Seriously? Those things were chaos magic? Well shit, I feel a little better about them kicking my ass now.'

"You really shouldn't."

'Don't tell me how to live!'

>Well as you can see, my cell is untouched, I am fine, and despite the incompetence of my guard, I am still incarcerated. You may allay the Queen's concerns.

"What makes you think she'd be concerned?"

>An assumption, mostly, perhaps egotistical hope I'd be considered some kind of threat.

"Brother-"

>There are so few things I would risk this uneasy equilibrium for, but the chance to strangle you every time your treacherous mouth utters that word is one of-

-Do the right thing.-

>Gah!

32 falls from the bars, holding his head.

"Brother, are you alright?"

>Nngh...

'Yo, buddy, you feeling ok?'

>I...I...I'm sorry...brother but I don't think I'm up to your pedestrian conversation right now I...I need to lie down.

A vacant look in his eyes, 32 stumbles to his bed and collapses onto it. 77 turns to glare at High Roller.

"What happened to him?"

'I don't know, man, he got like this after we spent most of the first night drinking. I figured it was the hangover but...something may be wrong with him. Do changelings get sick if they're starving then get too much food like ponies do? The real prissy dude might have did something to him!'

"How did he manage to get that empty?"

'Well what'd you want me to do? Kiss him? Do I look like what's his face?'

"Damn it, I may need Princess Twilight to examine him..."

>Nngh...brother...

"What?"

>Should anyone find...a small crystal just...lying around...please have them return it.

"Your pet rock?"

'Oh yeah, the plushies totally...stole it, yeah, ran off with it the little bastards.'

"Hmm..."

>Please...

"Very well. I'll spread word to keep a look out."

'Sweet, and I'll make sure the sick old man doesn't leave his cell.'

>Go to hell...

77 goes to leave, sparing a concerned look back at the cell.

"The first time he's called me brother in months...and it's absolutely depressing..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Celestia"
~~~~~

>Tia? Got a question.

"And I have a-SMOKE BOMB ATTACK!"

*TINK!*

>...

"...Well, that's embarrassing. I swear this never happens."

>...

"...You were saying?"

>Jus' wanted ta' know, do ya' know what 'anti-monopoly' laws are?

"...Yes? Never saw any reason to put a law for that on the books, though. Why?"

>...No reason.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC
[???]
~~~~~

>Tia? What's this bill that just hit mah' desk?

"...motion to ban all magic smoke bombs? What?"

[CANCER IS A SERIOUS MATTER FAUSTDAMN IT! I AM NOT GETTING PUNCHED BY MY LITTLE SISTER AGAIN!]

>...
"..."
>...So do ya'll feel like ya' jus' took a bit o' crazy pills?
"Little bit yeah."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"SA"
~~~~~

>Ugghhh... Iffin' Ah' see one more shred o' paper, Ah'm gonna jump right out that window and ferget ah' can fly.

"You? My paperwork was so bad when I got home it literally came alive and tried to devour me."

>Drama queen.

"No, I'm using literally in its proper context there. It literally, not figuratively, came alive."

>Well, ya'll ain't got no room ta' say anythin', ya' got that there paperworkin' machine at yer' beck and call.

"Hey, I do half of the work."

>Pfft, Ah' wish ah' had someone who did half the work.

"Hey, you do less paperwork than us thanks to 18's crazy OCD with making everything perfect."

>Baloney.

"...what?"

>What?

"What the hay is baloney?"

>Ya' know? No idea, Gilda used it ta' tell me off the other day, and Ah' thought it sounded funny.

"Huh...I still do more paperwork than you."

>THEMS FIGHTIN' WORDS!

"DO NOT CHALLENGE THE SHIELDHORSE UNLESS YOU WANT THE HORN!"

>Shut up, Bubblehorse.

"SHIELD HORSE IS COOLER!"

>Bubblehorse is more accurate.

"...Why was I here again?"

>Ya' wanted me ta' tell Spike ta' stop settin' Chrysalis's cake on fire, because at some point that became our job to mediate.

"..."

>Ah' ain't gonna.

"Drat."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>AJ
"Celestia"
'SA"
[Chrysalis]
~~~~~~

>...

"Applejack, can we help you?"

>Are ya'll really about to do this?

"Do what?"

>Don't play that game.

'No no, you have to be specific.'

>No Ah' don't.

[Well then, how are we supposed to know what you are talking about?]

>Fine, ya' know what? Fine. Did ya'll really coat our freakin' long as all getout hallway with a magic spell specifically to slide down it at ridiculous speeds?

"What? No no no, not at all."

>...

[It's so we can RACE down it, not slide. Racing is different.]

'See? Specific.'

>...Ya' know, reporters ask me all the time what'cha do together. Every other question is about what ya'll are up to on these crazy things. Ya' know what? Ah' wish Ah' could say you were fuckin'. Ah' honestly wish Ah' could look at those reporters and say 'what're they doin'? Bangin' like they're a filly hopped up on sugar and givin' a drum set. That's what they'er doin'.' Because honestly? That would be so much easier ta' explain.

"...Well, we're not."

>Ah' get that.

[We could be. I have no objections to switching gears, as it were.]

'Well, I do. Married.'

[Awww, come on, don't you want to make Applejack's life easier?]

'Not really, no.'

>Hurtful.

[Very well, since you have denied some Queen-mashing, I insteadLATERSUCKERS!]

"HEY!"

'NO HEAD STARTS!'

[WHEEEEEEEE!]

>...What the buck happened ta' mah' life?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NCOmake
>Chitania
"Pinkie"
'42'
~~~~~

>OH COME ON, REALLY!? You're the header for the next one!? REALLY!?

'I'm... sorry?'

"Oh come on Chitty! We have to! It's thread 42! THREAD 42! We will NEVER get a more perfect chance!"

>I'm more important than her!

"Yeah, well, she's been around longer!"

>I can punch harder than her!

"OH YEAH!? I BET 42 CAN KICK YOUR ASS!"

'Wait, what?'

>YOU REALLY THINK SO!?

"I'd bet the thread header privileges on her whipping your big black booty!"

'PINKIE WHAT!?'

>YOU'RE ON!

"THEN SIGN HERE AND MAKE IT OFFICIAL!"

>SIGNED!

"KICK HER ASS 42!"

'WAITWAITWAIT-'

~~~~~~~

>HAH!

"Well, shoot."

>HA HA HA!

"Guess 42's doing the thread header after all."

>YEAH I-...WHAT!?

"Well, yeah. That was the bet, you signed it and everything. See?"

>...NOOOOO! YOU WIN THIS ROUND, PINKIE PIE! BUT I SHALL BE BACK!

"...We outsmarted her, 42, yay!"

'GLRGL!'

"...Yaaayyy..."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NC

>29
"32"
'???'
~~~~~~~

>BROTHER! This cannot stand, oh, this cannot stand! Be it in years yet passed, be it in horror or in joy, I shall find that which has brought you harm, and unto them, shall be RENT THE GLORY OF-...

He gently pulls 32's head away from his chest.

>Did you just lick me?

"I did. I'm still starving, you know."

>...

Flame covers him, and suddenly 29 is sporting a big bushy mustache.

>Well, partner, iffin' it's a little somethin' in yer' stomach yer' after, Ah've got just the thing ta'...'fill you up.'

32 blushes brightly as 29's hoof touches the top of his head, and starts to push him down.

"O-oh, niney..."

>Now say 'ahh', partner, and jus' close yer' eyes and think of a biiig old hose full of love ya' gotta get it out of.

He opens his mouth, tongue lolling out.

"Ahhhh-"

'CUTCUTCUTCUTCUUUUUUUT! ARRRGGGGH!'

>Pfffthahaha.

'For fucks sake! That's the eighth time you've fucked this scene up! Can you both be professional for TWO GODDAMN SECONDS!?'

>Oh, come now, maybe we're just trying to appeal to a wider audience.

'WE ARE NOT TURNING THIS SCENE INTO A BAD PRONO!'

>I resent that you call my work 'bad'. Anything I do is of the utmost class.

'I'm calling your mother!'

>PFFT, she'll just ask you for a copy.

'AND YOUR AGENT!'

>NO! YOU MONSTER!

'THEN BE PROFESSIONAL!'

>Fiiine. Mind if we get a five for some food?

'FINE! I need a drink anyway.'

>Cool. 32, you want something?

"....Nah."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NComeake
>AJ
~~~~~

>....when the fuck did this thread become about me again?
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NCOMAKE
>Celestia
"AJ"
~~~~

>Applejaaaack, what are you doing?

"...nothing."

>It looks like you're targeting Partyland for utter destruction.

"W-whaaa? Nooo."

>That's the orbital launch code.

"This right here? Nawww, this... thissin' right here is a recipe."

>...

"...Fer pie."

>...

"...Good pie."

>Applejack...

"AH' AIN'T GOIN' BACK!"
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon Omake
>Pinkie
~~~~
The entire cast lay in cryogenic tubes while Pinkie watches on a screen where they're blissfully continuing their lives. Unaware of their dreamlike state.
>No pony gets off Pinkie's Wild Ride. The Ride. Will last. FOREVEEEER!!!
Camera pans out revealing Partyland is still intact and floating high and mighty.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NC Omake

>PJ
“Blueblood”
_______

“So….”

>Yeah.

“Good times we had, right? You looking after me, that invasion… those were good times, we had good times.”

>We sure did, Bluey. We… we sure did.

“When they do the, uh… when Princess Applejack and I talk and I’m inevitably sent back to... there, will you come visit?”

>Do you want me to?

“I just figured you could teach me some potato dishes….”

She smiled.

>Don’t really know any to be honest. Best potato is plain potato.

“Oh. …Then I could teach you.”

>I’d like that.

A pleasantly awkward silence rolled in, during which his eyes found her ailment.

“…Hey, is your arm still broken?”

>This sling with all the graffiti of get-well wishes would say so, yeah.

As gently as he could, Blueblood lifted her battered arm and, surprisingly, put his lips to it.

The gasp that left PJ couldn’t be helped when she felt that surge of love twist and burn through her limb, righting the bone, mending the cracks, easing the pain.

Until she could freely flex her hoof again.

>I… Bluey, you….

“Thank you, PotatoJack. For everything.”
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NComake
>Cadence
"SA"
~~~~~

>HEY! Why are you still getting major screentime, even when they focused on AJ and Dash?

"I'm surprisingly versatile."

>I'M VERSATILE TOO!

"..."

>SHUT UP!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NCOMAKE
>32
~~~

>Sister? We might need another thread or two before we're ready for your arc, we're kind of taking a break. Do you need anythi-GOOD LORD!

All that remains in the room is a skeleton and a gigantic, withered remains of a fungus.

>...IT WAS ONLY THREE DAYS!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-canon preview

>Pinkie
~~~~~
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CoWplXbeUw

>We're off of Partyland and the Plushy invasion is over. We're going back to our usual lives now. It feels like it went by quick. Arana and Blueblood finally see each other again. Celesita goes grazing with the Dalai Llama. Applejack finds out somepony took over a small fort and is declaring it a sovereign nation. Twilight continues her research to find out what Arana's pheromones do. Will we find out more about Cordyceps? Find out next time in thread 42: Ponies, Ponies. Mushroom, Mushroom...and of course, ambiguous fan service!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

NCOMAKE
>Dash
"Pinkie"
'???'
~~~~~

>HOLY SHIT!

"HRMPH!"

>HOLY! SHIT! HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT!

"Plplplplplp!"

>IT WORKED! You said, "Sleep with Shining Armor and you get screentime". and I did! AND IT WORKED!

"But I didn't this time!"

>Oh crap, you're right! I'VE GOT TO GO GET SOME SHINY JUICE IF I WANT MORE SCREENTIME! Fill up the tank, buddy!

"HEY! IT'S MY TURN!"

>THE HELL IT IS! MOVE!

"YOU MOVE!"

>NNNNGGH!
"NNNGH!"

*DOORSLAM!*
~~~~~~
>...
"..."
>...
"..."
>...
"..."
>...
"....Fluttershy?"
'Uh, she can't talk at the moment. Her mouth is kind of... full.'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________