Deadmeat Chronicles: Deadmeat Gets a Preaching

>You are a unicorn fluffy with a light green mane.
>And right now you are a happy and content fluffy.
>You found a great laying rock while looking for nummies.
>It is a grey, black speckled square rock raised from the ground.
>You found some red flower nummies beside it that you ate.
>You had to avoid the stems because they had thorns and gave you owwies.
>After your snack you saw how big and flat the rock was.
>You hopped up on it and laid out letting the sun warm your fluff as cool air blew through it.
>Sometimes it is good just to lay back and relax.
>You have rolled on your back with your eyes closed and a smile on your face.
>Your tummy is warming under the sun’s rays.
>A shadow falls over you.
>You quit smiling.
>A stupid cloud has blocked your warmies.
>You lay there for a bit but the shadow keeps over you.
>You snort.
>You guess it is time to get up.
>You start to wiggle up and-
>You see the winkled monster standing above you blocking the sun and smiling.
>”Munsta!”
>You turn and run off the other side of the raised crypt.
>The man shouts after you, “Please don’t run! I don’t want to hurt you!”
>You hit the ground and roll.
>You come up on your hooves and start to run.
>You hear the man chasing after you, “Wait! I have cans of spaghetti for you!”
>You run and find a cross tombstone and get behind it.
>You start to wish you hadn’t told your owchie friends to stay back.
>They could have warned you-
*pop*
>You spin around.
>He managed to get behind you!
>He is pouring out a pile of noodley goodness right in front of you.
>”I have been watching you.”
>”You seem like a good smarty friend.”
>”God rewards good fluffies.”
>You stare at the pile for a second and smack your lips.
>Wait! He is trying to trick you again!
>You close your eyes and spin running away.
>You open your eyes again and start to whiz between the tombstones.
>You will lose this two legged monster soon-
>The man steps out from behind a rock in front of you, “I have tended this eternal resting placed for decades little one.”
>”I know this place like the back of my hand.”
>You turn and run again.
>You run to a row of raised caskets and see Helper walk out from the end.
>He turns and sees you, “Hewwo! Haf nyu fwen heaw ‘bout de bestest ting fo fwuffy?”
>You turn and see the old priest walking behind you.
>You run between two caskets and take another turn.
>You realize you can’t out run the man.
>You fall rolling and closing your eyes.
>You come to a rest not moving.
>Helper comes truddling around a raised casket running after you, “De Biggest Daddeh wub aww gud fwuffy! Dey am skwetties and huggies-….”
>He freezes when he sees your still form, “NUUUUU!”
>He truddles up to your still body.
>”Why gud fwuffy get owwies? Pwease get up fwen! Pweas….. wahhhhhhhh!”
>He starts to hug your body.
>The man gets closer.
>”Oh no… I just wanted to teach him the good word…”
>He reaches down and rubs your body.
>”Wow, he feels pretty sturdy…”
>He places a finger on the side of your neck.
>”Well I’ll be…”
>The man stands up.
>”Pwease fwen! Pwease wakies! Huu huuuu…”
*pop*
>”Its ok helper, I think I know what will fix him up.”
>He pours out the can of spaghetti right in front of your mouth.
>Helper drops you and starts to nibble at the pile, “Pwease… *nom* wak- *nom*…. Huuuu…”
>The smell starts to make your mouth water.
>After a moment you stomp the ground then get up and start eating.
>Helper jumps back with his jaw agape staring in awe, “Am mawicle!”
>You snap between mouthfuls, “Nuu! *nom*nom*nom* Am munsta! *nom*nom*nom*”
>”I won’t hurt you little one. I just want to teach you that there is a better way in life.”
>After the spaghetti is gone you step back and give the monster a raspberry, “Nuu! Yoo wan twick Deadmeat!”
>Helper gets an indignant look to his face, “Daddeh nuu twick! Daddeh am gud daddeh!”
>You stick your tongue out at Helper, “Nuu! Aww munsta am bad!”
>The man laughs, “Its ok Helper. I’m not a bad human little one.”
>He gets down on one knee and looks at you, “Tell me truly, has every human you met been bad?”
>You think for a moment.
>You think of the stinky water monster.
>”Deadmeat know one munsta nuu bad as west…”
>You back up a bit, “Bu’ efen dat munsta twy twick Deadmeat…”
>The man smiles, “I will not trick you. That is a sin.”
>You look at the man for a moment, “Wha am sin?”
>Helper jumps up and down, “Hewpeh know wha sin am!”
>Helper looks at you, “Sin am when fwuffy am bad and do tings de Biggest Daddeh nuu wike!”
>You start to turn away, “Deadmeat haf nuu daddeh so Deadmeat nuu cawe.”
>Helper yells out, “But de Biggest Daddeh am aww fwuffy daddeh!”
>The man says, “That’s right! He takes care of all good fluffies!”
>You stare back at the man as he continues, “He looks after all good fluffies and is always there when they need him!”
>”Den why am Deadmeat nuu see dis fwuffy?”
>The man pauses taken back, “No, God isn’t a fluffy.”
>”Am daddeh of aww tings? Den daddeh of fwuffy?”
>”Yes! That is exactly-“
>”Onwy fwuffy be fwuffy daddeh!”
>You stare at the man as Helper starts to babble, “Nuu! Daddeh know wha Biggest Daddeh am! Yoo wisten!”
>The man laughs, “I guess I never thought of it that way, but that isn’t what the good book says.”
>The man keeps talking, “But that isn’t important now.”
>”I plan on spreading the holy word to everyone and that includes fluffies!”
>The man throws his arms to the sky, “God is great and he looks down on us every day!”
>He points at you, “And you need to know how you stand before God!”
>”Only through God’s grace is anything possible!”
>Helper is sitting up looking at the sky and wagging his tail, “Amen! Hawawuuyeh!”
>You just stare at this strange human yelling at the sky and everything in general.
>”But God doesn’t help out just anyone! He doesn’t help out just anything!”
>”No! he looks at his works as a garden!”
>”You have to ask yourself, are you a fruitful vine producing goodness or a weed!
>”Something useless contributing nothing!”
>”I ask you now! What are you!?”
>You cock your head puzzled, “Am Deadmeat.”
>”No! You have been a weed!”
>Helper hops up, “Weed! Nuu be weed!”
>”I will teach you to be fruitful! Because God wants you to be fruitful!”
>”He will reward good fluffies because he is everywhere and sees everything!”
>”Anything bad that happens is because of sin!”
>”Nuuuu! Nuu wan be bad fwuffy! Nuu wet sin make Hewpeh bad fwuffy!”
>”He can save you and keep you from danger and he does so if you are a good fluffy!”
>”So listen to the good word of God!”
>”Pwaise Biggest Daddeh!”
>The man calms and looks at you, “Come to God, bring your herd.”
>”Every other smarty has accepted him into his herd.”
>”With him you will never have to worry about anything again!”
>”You will get to Heaven!”
>You stare at the man for a bit.
>”Dis daddeh am efewy pwace?”
>He smiles, “Yes!”
>”Dis daddeh am kee’ bad tings fwom happen fwuffy?”
>”Yes! You got it!”
>He smiles warmly, “He looks after all good fluffies.”
>”Hawawuuyeh! De Biggest Daddeh haf nudder gud fwuffy!”
>”If fwuffy am gud fwuffy Biggest Daddeh nuu wet bad ting happen?”
>The man takes out another can of spaghetti and sits it down.
>You lower your head closing your eyes, “De Biggest Daddeh am dere fo fwuffies…”
>”That’s right.”
>”Hawawuuyeh!”
>”You are a good fluffy. Bring your herd and I can teach them the way to a better life.”
>”I will lead them to Heaven…”
>You start to clench your teeth, ”Deadmeat am gud fwuffy… “
>”I know you are. That’s why-“
>You look up at the man seething, “Den why speshul fwen get biggest owchies!”
>The man and Helper look shocked.
>”Deadmeat do gud tings and fwen get owwies!”
>”Deadmeat get owwies!”
>”Deadmeat see bad fwuffies get gud tings!”
>”GUD FWUFFIES GET DEAD!”
>You look up at the sky, “Dum dum daddeh up der!?”
>You run up to a tombstone and lean on it with your front hooves looking up at the sky.
>”Dum dum! Deadmeat wan yoo hewe!”
>You are huffing.
>“I am sorry little one but God doesn’t-“
>”Whewe yoo am at!? Deadmeat say yoo come hewe NOA!”
>You huff a bit more before giving the sky a raspberry.
>You get down and look back at the man.
>”Yoo say Deadmeat nuu gud fwuffy!”
>You truddle to the can of spaghetti and swat at it.
>”Yoo wie! Yoo twy twick Deadmeat!”
>”No! God does take care of good fluffies! He-“
>”Why speshul fwens dead!?
>”WHY DEADMEAT BABBEH BYE BYE!”
>The man seems at a loss for words as helper is laying on his belly looking at you.
>You stomp and get back on the tomb stone looking up.
>You point to the sky, “Dey nuu fwuffy up der!”
>The man lowers his head, “I am sorry, I had no idea you have had so many trials.”
>You puff you cheeks and stomp, “Yoo go way! Deadmeat nuu wan see dum dum munsta!”
>You start to stomp away.
>”I will pray for you little one!”
>”Hewpeh pway too…”
>You don’t even turn around, ”Deadmeat nuu wan pway noa!”
>You stomp all the way back to your hidey hole.
>You walk to your nest and lay down resting your head on the soft RIP letters.
>You feel a nose touching your rump.
>Before he can sniff you swat Haze with your tail, “Go way!”
>”Tee hee hee!”
>Haze crawls by giggling.
>Pookie walks up, “Smawty… Pookie tink yoo nee wook at Bwoose… nuu tink he gud fwuffy…”
>Momma fluffy comes scooting up, “Mommeh nee nummies! Gif bestest gud feew fo mo nummies pwease!”
>A shadow falls over your hidey hole.
>You hear Bruce yelling, “Go way! Dis am smawty’s wand!”
>Pookie starts to shout, “Gif dum dum hoomin sowwy poopies!”
>You glance up and see the man standing at the front of your hidey hole.
>His clerical collar adorning his neck.
>You snort, “Deadmeat teww yoo go way! Nuu wan heaw yoo twicks!”
>The man slowly grabs the bars of your hidey hole.
>You don’t care.
>He cannot get between the bars.
>You start to lay your head back down.
>”God hates all you abominations!”
>”YOU ARE ALL GOING TO BURN IN HELL!”