homestuck update generator

$name : Homestuck Update Generator
$author : Cookie Fonster
$description : Generates a random Homestuck update, i.e. an event that might happen in the story.
$amount : 1
$button : Update!
$picture : https://38.media.tumblr.com/avatar_9b01f6fd3194_128.png

$character
John
Rose
Dave
Jade
Jane
Jake
Roxy
Dirk
Karkat
Terezi
Gamzee
Kanaya
Calliope {75%}
Caliborn {75%}
Vriska {75%}
Aranea {50%}
Meenah {50%}
Aradia {50%}
Sollux {50%}
Tavros {50%}
Lord English {50%}
The Condesce {50%}
B1 Jack Noir {50%}
B2 Jack Noir {50%}
WV {50%}
PM {50%}
God Cat {50%}
Nannasprite {50%}
Jaspersprite {50%}
Davesprite {50%}
Erisolsprite {50%}
Arquiusprite {50%}
Brain Ghost Dirk {50%}
Lil Cal {50%}
Lil Hal {50%}
a doomed instance of [character] {50%}
[character]'s dream self {50%}
Andrew Hussie {30%}
Spades Slick {30%}
Doc Scratch {30%}
Becquerel {30%}
Snowman {20%}
[Itchy|Doze|Trace|Clover|Fin|Die|Crowbar] {20%}
[Stitch|Sawbuck|Matchsticks|Eggs|Biscuits|Quarters|Cans] {20%}
Nepeta {20%}
Equius {20%}
Eridan {20%}
Feferi {20%}
Damara {20%}
Rufioh {20%}
Mituna {20%}
Kankri {20%}
Meulin {20%}
Porrim {20%}
Latula {20%}
Horuss {20%}
Kurloz {20%}
Cronus {20%}
Jadesprite {20%}
Tavrisprite {20%}
Fefetasprite {20%}
Diamonds Droog {20%}
Hearts Boxcars {20%}
Clubs Deuce {20%}
DD {20%}
HB {20%}
CD {20%}
AR {20%}
WQ {20%}
WK {20%}
John's dad {20%}
Jane's dad {20%}
Rose's mom {20%}
Dave's bro {20%}
Jade's grandpa {20%}
Sweet Bro {5%}
Hella Jeff {5%}
Geromy {5%}
Nicolas Cage {5%}
Liv Tyler {5%}
Charles Dutton {5%}

$characterplural

[character] and [character]
[character], [character], and [character]
[character], [character], [character], and [character] {50%}
[character], [character], [character], [character], and [character] {30%}
the pre-scratch kids {20%}
the post-scratch kids {20%}
the pre-scratch trolls {8%}
the post-scratch trolls {20%}
the Midnight Crew {8%}
the Felt {8%}

$action

goes to [location]
explores [location][| with [character]| with [characterplural]]
[fights|strifes with|duels with] [character] [inlocation]
talks to [character][| about [topic]][| [inlocation]]
talks to [characterplural][| about [topic]][| [inlocation]]
[goes on a date with|kisses|has a sloppy makeout with] [character] {30%}
kills [[character]|[characterplural]][| [inlocation]] {30%}
[revives|revives|heals] [[character]|[characterplural]][| [inlocation]] {30%}
chats on a memo with [characterplural] {30%}
ascends to god tier as the [class] of [aspect] {20%}

$actionplural

go to [location]
explore [location][| with [character]| with [characterplural]]
[fight [character]|strife with [character]|duel] [inlocation]
talk to [character][| about [topic]][| [inlocation]]
talk to [characterplural][| about [topic]][| [inlocation]]
[go on a date|kiss|have a sloppy makeout] {30%}
kill [[character]|[characterplural]][| [inlocation]] {30%}
[revive|revive|heal] [[character]|[characterplural]][| [inlocation]] {30%}
chat on a memo with [characterplural] {30%}

$class

Heir
Witch
Prince
Bard
Rogue
Thief
Seer
Knight
Maid
Page
Mage
Sylph
Lord {5%}
Muse {5%}
Nick {1%}
Huss {1%}

$aspect

Breath
Space
Heart
Rage
Hope
Void
Light
Life
Doom
Time
Blood
Mind
Lips {1%}

$topic

[location]
[character]
[characterplural]
[movies|movies|movies|movies|Con Air|Little Monsters|Weekend at Bernie's|Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff] {20%}
Sburb {40%}
video games {20%}
their experiences so far {40%}
how hot [character] is {20%}

$troll

Aradia
Tavros
Sollux
Karkat
Nepeta
Kanaya
Terezi
Vriska
Equius
Gamzee
Eridan
Feferi

$location

LOWAS
LOLAR
LOHAC
LOFAF
LOCAH
LOMAX
LOPAN
LOTAK
John's [house|room] {50%}
Rose's [house|room] {50%}
Dave's [house|room] {50%}
Jade's [house|room] {50%}
Jane's [house|room] {50%}
Jake's [house|room] {50%}
Roxy's [house|room] {50%}
Dirk's [house|room] {50%}
[|future] [pre|post]-scratch Earth
[Alternia|future Alternia|Beforus]
[troll]'s hive
[troll]'s hive
[troll]'s planet
Prospit
Derse
Skaia
the Furthest Ring
the trolls' meteor
the trolls' computer lab
the Skaianet lab
the Prospitian battleship
a dream bubble
a dream bubble projection of [location]
a dream bubble projection of [location]
a dream bubble projection of [location]

$inlocation

on LOWAS
on LOLAR
on LOHAC
on LOFAF
on LOCAH
on LOMAX
on LOPAN
on LOTAK
in John's [house|room] {50%}
in Rose's [house|room] {50%}
in Dave's [house|room] {50%}
in Jade's [house|room] {50%}
in Jane's [house|room] {50%}
in Jake's [house|room] {50%}
in Roxy's [house|room] {50%}
in Dirk's [house|room] {50%}
on [|future] [pre|post]-scratch Earth
on [Alternia|future Alternia|Beforus]
in [troll]'s hive
in [troll]'s hive
on [troll]'s planet
on Prospit
on Derse
on Skaia
in the Furthest Ring
in the trolls' meteor
in the trolls' computer lab
in the Prospitian battleship
in a dream bubble
in a dream bubble projection of [location]
in a dream bubble projection of [location]
in a dream bubble projection of [location]

$update

In this update, [character] [action].
In this update, [characterplural] [actionplural].