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- Contains slob, and is better read for laughs than for faps
- From http://archive.heinessen.com/mlp/thread/16439408
- >Alarm goes off
- >I wake up
- >Shower
- >Brush my teeth
- >The usual morning rutuine
- >About to leave
- >There's a letter that was slid under the front door
- >Pick it up and read it
- >It's from the travel agency I work at
- >Everyone was off on a paid leave for the next couple days.
- >Apparently the office has been shut down today due to a tragic accident when a couple zebras tried to use us to move dangerous chemicals out of the country
- >Fucking Ziggers
- >Anyway, I had nothing to do now.
- >Wasn't tired, and I was already up, so I might as well do something
- >Well, I did have some errands to run.
- >It's still a work day after all.
- >It's all done
- >Cleaned out the fridge, watered the plants, went out and bought more lightbulbs and a present for my sister for her upcoming birthday.
- >It's mid afternoon and I was getting a little hungry
- >Decided to get something to eat
- >Went to this burger place I've never been to before
- >Ordered a burger and a shake
- >Order came up
- >Some purple bitch came and swiped my burger
- >What the fuck
- >Probably some misunderstanding
- >"Excuse me, Miss, I think that's my b-"
- >It's Princess Motherfucking Twilight
- >It's best not to say anything
- >Eh, I should cut down on the burgers anyway, and the shake is probably filling enough
- >I sit down at a nearby table and enjoy my drink
- >Glance over and see the princess
- >Oh man
- >The Princess is stuffing her face with my burger
- >Literally shoving as much of it inter her mouth as she can
- >I can hear her breathe from here
- >She's happily grunting and panting while she "eats."
- >She finishes mine, lets out a loud, quick, burp, and moves on to the next sandwich
- >Her mouth and surrounding regions are completely covered in catchup and grease
- >Empty wrappers litter the floor
- >As she devours the helpless foodstuffs, the Princess gets progressively louder
- >Other people in the joint start to stare, but don't dare say anything
- >Miss Sparkle pours the entire bag of fries into her gaping mouth even though it's still packed with burger
- >She swallows and immediately moves on to the next
- >and the next
- >and the next
- >She leaves her drink for last
- >She slurps up half of it, and splashes the rest on her face to cool down
- >The room is completely silent
- >Everyone in the room is frozen in place, watching her trot to the line in front, completely wet and panting
- >Twilight walks up to the mare at the counter, pushing aside the other ponies in her path
- >She takes a moment to catch her breath and says
- "Hello, I'd like 7 double-double daisy burgers and three large Apple Colas, please."
- >The poor mare writes down the order, trying to avoid eye contact as best she can
- "Y-yes, your highness."
- >She disappears in back for a moment or two before emerging with Twi's sizable order
- >The princess's face lights up as she uses her magic to carry the food back to her table
- >The elegant royal's snorts and wheezes are even louder than before
- >The crowd watches in horror
- >Twi's chair starts to creek under the enormous weight
- >She's at least three sizes bigger than she was when she arrived
- >She looks down with a worried expression on her face when she notices the chair's legs starting to crack in several places
- >She adjusts her seating accordingly
- >She majestically struggles to climb up onto the table while still holding most of her food in one hoof
- >This effort takes at least five minutes, and another five minutes were dedicated to trying to breathe again before resuming her meal
- >She was now lying down on her back on the greasy, sticky table
- >Most of her drinks have been spilled onto the floor
- >The fur on her belly is matted with sweat and dry sauce
- >From this angle, it hardly resembles eating anymore
- >Now it just looks like she's rubbing the grub over her face and hoping some of it lands inside her mouth
- >She doesn't have very good aim
- >Twilight moans with pleasure as she continues to massage herself with the crushed burgers, accidentally getting a piece of tomato stuck in her mane
- >Most ponies are trying their hardest not to vomit
- >Mothers cover their children's' eyes and get up to leave
- >A few fillies are hiding under the tables, crying softly
- oh boy here we go
- >The princess finally stops gorging and sits up
- >Something's wrong
- >A subtle choking sound is heard
- >A minute or two passes with twi doing nothing but sitting there and panting
- >The surrounding ponies think the worst is over
- >They were wrong
- >Sparkle suddenly vomits, painting the floor a putrid, greenish-brown
- >It keeps coming out
- >She sprays the entire restaurant like a hose
- >The disgorge sent waves crashing into nearby tables
- >I was completely covered in it
- >It smelled
- >Oh Celestia it smelled
- >My eyes stinged and I reached for napkins to wipe them
- >But all my napkins were soaked in the hot goo
- >I forced my eyes open and tried to find a way out
- >What I saw was worse than what I smelled
- >The entrance was blocked, as too many ponies were trying to leave at one time
- >Pony after pony were trampled to death by the mob
- >Mothers weeped over their children, whose legs were crippled in the initial impact of the vomit
- >Pegasi were huddled together near the ceiling
- >While still regurgitating, the Princess regained activity and continued to force food down her esophagus, regardless of how much it spewed out
- >I ran up to the front counter, getting sprayed by more discharge in the process
- >I tried to find the employees, surely they'd know of a back door
- >It was too late
- >The five ponies who worked there had already slit their thoughts with kitchen knives to save themselves the suffering
- >Somehow they knew what was to come
- >The princess was done vomiting
- >She got up from the table that had shattered under her mass
- >She Waddled towards the counter in my direction still munching on what she had left of a burger
- >The ground shook and the floorboards broke
- >As she shimmied to the door that led behind the counter, her rolls of fat moved back and forth like trees in a forrest swaying in a hurricane
- >She made it to the door but it was much to small for her
- >She could only fit her head in
- >But this didn't stop her
- >She pushed and shoved and the doorway crumbled apart, making just enough room for her to squeeze in
- >It was a tight room
- >Her horn almost scraped the ceiling
- >I tried to catch her attention by yelling and waving at her but I was drowned out by the screaming near the front door
- >I moved quick to make sure she didn't step on me
- >The bodies of the dead employees were crushed under the enormous whalebone
- >She was headed straight towards the back where the pre-made burgers were kept warm
- >She squealed gleefully before digging her head into the pile of fast food
- >I watched as she swallowed each of them whole
- >She let out a belch that shattered the windows and my eardrums
- >I winced in pain and tried to escape her line of sight as she struggled to turn around
- >The refrigerators were her next victims
- >She attacked them with the force of a crazed war elephant
- >She washed it all down with all the condiments she could find and the entire soda machine
- >When she was done she searched desperately for more
- >she sighed
- "Well, I guess I'll have to go someplace else for my forth course."
- >Twilight tried to leave by climbing over the counter
- >It fell like a card tower as soon as she got up
- >She shouted as she fell down and hit the ground
- >The force sent her tumbling down, and rolling towards the door
- >She started to pick up speed headed right for the crowd
- >They noticed to late, and fell like bowling pins under the Princess's royal blubber
- >The blood and guts of panicking ponies showered the walls and the rolling whalepone broke through the front door leaving a gigantic, gaping hole where the entrance used to be
- >I stood in shock, trying to take in what I just saw
- >The royal guards arrived, and took me in for questioning
- >I explained to them in detail what I saw
- >After a long interrogation, the let me go
- >Made me swear not to tell anyone, and to keep it top secret
- >Came up with a couple empty threats to keep me quiet
- >I went along with it
- >Trouble with the guards is the last thing I need right now
- >Sent me home
- >Couple weeks later
- >I call up my sister, wish her a happy birthday
- >We chat a bit
- >She mentions her party
- >"A party? You never told me about a party."
- "Yeah, I know. It's kind of a last minute thing. You don't have plans, do you?"
- >"Nah, I'm free. Where is it?"
- "It's at this neat burger joint in town. They just re opened. I heard their double-double daisy burgers are amazing."
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