Advertisement
Not a member of Pastebin yet?
Sign Up,
it unlocks many cool features!
- 1
- 00:00:05,168 --> 00:00:30,168
- Subtitle Created By Sahos from Subscene. com.
- Please Dont' Forget to Rate.
- 2
- 00:00:33,368 --> 00:00:37,247
- <i>NARRATOR: It has been said that</i>
- <i>magic vanished from our world</i>
- 3
- 00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:38,665
- <i>a long time ago,</i>
- 4
- 00:00:38,831 --> 00:00:42,710
- <i>and that humanity can no</i>
- <i>longer fulfill its desires</i>
- 5
- 00:00:42,794 --> 00:00:44,837
- <i>through the power of wishes.</i>
- 6
- 00:00:45,004 --> 00:00:49,008
- <i>To those who have lost the</i>
- <i>wondrous vision of childhood eyes,</i>
- 7
- 00:00:49,133 --> 00:00:52,929
- <i>submitted here is</i>
- <i>the story of a little boy</i>
- 8
- 00:00:53,012 --> 00:00:55,431
- <i>and a magical</i>
- <i>Christmas wish</i>
- 9
- 00:00:55,515 --> 00:00:58,560
- <i>that changed</i>
- <i>his life forever.</i>
- 10
- 00:01:01,479 --> 00:01:06,150
- <i>It began in 1985, in a</i>
- <i>town just outside Boston.</i>
- 11
- 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:12,282
- <i>It was Christmas Eve, and all the</i>
- <i>children were in high spirits.</i>
- 12
- 00:01:12,365 --> 00:01:14,450
- <i>That special time of year</i>
- 13
- 00:01:14,534 --> 00:01:16,786
- <i>when Boston children</i>
- <i>gather together</i>
- 14
- 00:01:16,953 --> 00:01:18,705
- <i>and beat up the Jewish kids.</i>
- 15
- 00:01:18,830 --> 00:01:19,998
- Hey, Greenbaum!
- 16
- 00:01:20,290 --> 00:01:21,291
- Uh-oh.
- 17
- 00:01:21,374 --> 00:01:22,375
- Get him!
- 18
- 00:01:22,750 --> 00:01:24,002
- (KIDS YELLING)
- 19
- 00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:30,425
- <i>But there was one child who</i>
- <i>wasn't in such good spirits.</i>
- 20
- 00:01:30,508 --> 00:01:32,260
- <i>Little John Bennett,</i>
- 21
- 00:01:32,343 --> 00:01:34,512
- <i>that one boy in</i>
- <i>every neighborhood</i>
- 22
- 00:01:34,596 --> 00:01:37,307
- <i>who just has a tough time</i>
- <i>making friends.</i>
- 23
- 00:01:37,682 --> 00:01:39,225
- Hey, GUYS, can I play?
- 24
- 00:01:39,309 --> 00:01:40,435
- Get out of here, Bennett.
- 25
- 00:01:40,518 --> 00:01:41,561
- Get lost, Bennett!
- 26
- 00:01:41,644 --> 00:01:42,604
- Get out of here, Bennett!
- 27
- 00:01:42,687 --> 00:01:44,188
- Yeah, Bennett
- get lost.
- 28
- 00:01:44,522 --> 00:01:45,898
- (YELLING INDISTINCTLY)
- 29
- 00:01:47,317 --> 00:01:49,694
- <i>John longed</i>
- <i>with all his heart</i>
- 30
- 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:52,989
- <i>for that one, true friend</i>
- <i>that he could call his own.</i>
- 31
- 00:01:53,531 --> 00:01:57,285
- <i>And he knew that if he</i>
- <i>ever found that friend,</i>
- 32
- 00:01:57,368 --> 00:01:59,412
- <i>he would never let him go.</i>
- 33
- 00:02:01,831 --> 00:02:06,210
- <i>Well, as it does every year,</i>
- <i>Christmas morning finally came.</i>
- 34
- 00:02:06,544 --> 00:02:10,548
- <i>All the children were opening</i>
- <i>their gifts with holiday glee.</i>
- 35
- 00:02:18,181 --> 00:02:20,058
- <i>And for little John Bennett,</i>
- 36
- 00:02:20,141 --> 00:02:24,729
- <i>Christmas Day brought a</i>
- <i>very special new arrival.</i>
- 37
- 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,611
- Wow!
- (JOHN'S DAD CHUCKLES)
- 38
- 00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:34,405
- I guess Santa paid attention to
- how good you were this year, huh?
- 39
- 00:02:34,489 --> 00:02:36,407
- Aw! Merry Christmas, John.
- 40
- 00:02:37,492 --> 00:02:38,618
- RECORDED TOY VOICE:
- <i>I love you!</i>
- 41
- 00:02:39,202 --> 00:02:40,620
- He talks!
- 42
- 00:02:40,745 --> 00:02:41,913
- (JOHN'S DAD LAUGHS)
- 43
- 00:02:42,121 --> 00:02:44,374
- I'm going to
- name you Teddy.
- 44
- 00:02:46,501 --> 00:02:50,171
- <i>NARRATOR: John became</i>
- <i>instantly attached to Teddy.</i>
- 45
- 00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:52,799
- <i>There was something</i>
- <i>about that bear</i>
- 46
- 00:02:52,882 --> 00:02:56,344
- <i>that made him feel as if</i>
- <i>he finally had a friend</i>
- 47
- 00:02:56,427 --> 00:02:59,806
- <i>with whom he could share</i>
- <i>his deepest secrets.</i>
- 48
- 00:02:59,889 --> 00:03:01,307
- RECORDED TOY VOICE:
- <i>I love you!</i>
- 49
- 00:03:01,933 --> 00:03:03,935
- I love you, too, Teddy.
- 50
- 00:03:04,769 --> 00:03:08,564
- You know, I wish you
- could really talk to me.
- 51
- 00:03:08,731 --> 00:03:12,902
- Because then, we could be best
- friends forever and ever.
- 52
- 00:03:13,903 --> 00:03:16,989
- <i>NARRATOR: Now, if there's one</i>
- <i>thing you can be sure of,</i>
- 53
- 00:03:17,073 --> 00:03:21,828
- <i>it's that nothing is more</i>
- <i>powerful than a young boy's wish.</i>
- 54
- 00:03:22,412 --> 00:03:24,539
- <i>Except an Apache helicopter.</i>
- 55
- 00:03:24,622 --> 00:03:28,126
- <i>An Apache helicopter has</i>
- <i>machine guns and missiles.</i>
- 56
- 00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:31,879
- <i>It is an unbelievably impressive</i>
- <i>complement of weaponry,</i>
- 57
- 00:03:31,963 --> 00:03:34,924
- <i>an absolute death machine.</i>
- 58
- 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,552
- <i>Well, as it turned out,</i>
- 59
- 00:03:37,635 --> 00:03:41,097
- <i>John picked the perfect</i>
- <i>night to make a wish.</i>
- 60
- 00:04:18,760 --> 00:04:19,969
- Teddy?
- 61
- 00:04:23,806 --> 00:04:25,099
- Teddy?
- 62
- 00:04:29,562 --> 00:04:30,646
- Teddy?
- 63
- 00:04:39,071 --> 00:04:40,156
- Hug me.
- 64
- 00:04:40,281 --> 00:04:41,282
- (SCREAMS)
- 65
- 00:04:41,365 --> 00:04:43,576
- You're my best friend, John.
- 66
- 00:04:43,868 --> 00:04:46,412
- Did you...
- Did you just talk?
- 67
- 00:04:46,496 --> 00:04:47,955
- Don't look so surprised.
- 68
- 00:04:48,039 --> 00:04:50,124
- You're the one who wished
- for it, aren't you?
- 69
- 00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:54,337
- Yeah.
- I did wish for it.
- 70
- 00:04:54,629 --> 00:04:56,297
- Well, here I am.
- 71
- 00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:59,425
- You mean, we get to be
- best friends for real?
- 72
- 00:04:59,509 --> 00:05:00,843
- For real.
- 73
- 00:05:01,052 --> 00:05:02,303
- Forever and ever?
- 74
- 00:05:02,595 --> 00:05:03,888
- Sounds good to me.
- 75
- 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:08,851
- <i>NARRATOR: John was just about</i>
- <i>the happiest boy in the world</i>
- 76
- 00:05:08,935 --> 00:05:12,438
- <i>and he couldn't wait to tell</i>
- <i>everyone the good news.</i>
- 77
- 00:05:12,772 --> 00:05:15,566
- Mom, Dad, guess what?
- My teddy bear's alive!
- 78
- 00:05:15,650 --> 00:05:16,818
- (CHUCKLES)
- 79
- 00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,653
- Really? Well, isn't
- that exciting.
- 80
- 00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:21,113
- No, Mom, he's really alive.
- Look.
- 81
- 00:05:21,823 --> 00:05:23,658
- Merry Christmas,
- everybody.
- 82
- 00:05:24,242 --> 00:05:25,326
- (SCREAMING)
- (DISHES SHATTERING)
- 83
- 00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:26,494
- Jesus H. Fuck!
- 84
- 00:05:26,744 --> 00:05:28,204
- Let's all be best friends.
- 85
- 00:05:28,287 --> 00:05:29,288
- Oh, my God!
- 86
- 00:05:29,372 --> 00:05:31,374
- John, get away from that thing.
- Get over here right now.
- 87
- 00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:32,959
- But, Dad...
- Get over here!
- 88
- 00:05:33,251 --> 00:05:34,585
- JOHN'S MOM: Listen to your father!
- Come here!
- 89
- 00:05:34,669 --> 00:05:36,546
- Helen, get my gun.
- Dad, no!
- 90
- 00:05:36,629 --> 00:05:37,797
- Is it a hugging gun?
- 91
- 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:39,465
- Helen, get my gun,
- and call the police!
- 92
- 00:05:39,715 --> 00:05:42,802
- I'm sorry, Mr. Bennett, I
- didn't mean to scare anybody.
- 93
- 00:05:42,969 --> 00:05:45,054
- I just wanted John
- and I to be friends.
- 94
- 00:05:45,137 --> 00:05:48,599
- Yeah, Dad, I made a wish last
- night that Teddy was alive
- 95
- 00:05:48,683 --> 00:05:49,976
- and my wish came true.
- 96
- 00:05:51,727 --> 00:05:53,437
- Oh, my God!
- 97
- 00:05:54,689 --> 00:05:56,315
- It's a miracle.
- 98
- 00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:59,777
- It's a Christmas miracle.
- 99
- 00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:03,114
- You're just like
- the Baby Jesus.
- 100
- 00:06:03,698 --> 00:06:07,785
- <i>NARRATOR: Well, it wasn't long before</i>
- <i>the story of John's little miracle</i>
- 101
- 00:06:07,869 --> 00:06:09,620
- <i>was sweeping the nation.</i>
- 102
- 00:06:09,787 --> 00:06:11,038
- Out of a Boston suburb
- 103
- 00:06:11,122 --> 00:06:13,916
- comes what is, without a doubt,
- the most incredible story...
- 104
- 00:06:14,083 --> 00:06:15,877
- A young boy's stuffed animal
- 105
- 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:18,588
- has magically come to life for,
- as yet, unknown reasons...
- 106
- 00:06:18,754 --> 00:06:23,342
- Look what Jesus did! Look what Jesus did!
- Look what Jesus did!
- 107
- 00:06:24,010 --> 00:06:27,555
- <i>NARRATOR: Before long, Teddy</i>
- <i>had become a huge celebrity</i>
- 108
- 00:06:27,638 --> 00:06:29,056
- <i>in his own right.</i>
- 109
- 00:06:29,307 --> 00:06:30,433
- (APPLAUSE)
- 110
- 00:06:34,312 --> 00:06:35,479
- Hello, Teddy.
- 111
- 00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:42,403
- (CHUCKLING) You... you are a...
- You surprise me.
- 112
- 00:06:43,029 --> 00:06:45,239
- For some reason I thought you
- were going to be taller.
- 113
- 00:06:45,323 --> 00:06:47,742
- I thought you were
- going to be funnier.
- 114
- 00:06:47,825 --> 00:06:49,118
- (AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
- 115
- 00:06:51,495 --> 00:06:53,789
- <i>NARRATOR: But through</i>
- <i>all the fame,</i>
- 116
- 00:06:53,873 --> 00:06:57,960
- <i>Teddy never forgot</i>
- <i>his very best friend, John.</i>
- 117
- 00:06:58,044 --> 00:07:00,671
- The thunder
- can't get us, right?
- 118
- 00:07:00,796 --> 00:07:04,425
- Nope, we're thunder buddies,
- and the thunder knows it.
- 119
- 00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:06,010
- We're totally safe.
- (THUNDER RUMBLING)
- 120
- 00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:07,970
- Teddy?
- 121
- 00:07:08,304 --> 00:07:09,305
- Yeah, John?
- 122
- 00:07:09,472 --> 00:07:12,058
- Do you promise we'll
- always be together?
- 123
- 00:07:12,683 --> 00:07:14,101
- I promise.
- 124
- 00:07:14,518 --> 00:07:15,978
- (THUNDER CRASHES LOUDLY)
- 125
- 00:07:16,687 --> 00:07:19,023
- Thunder buddies for life.
- 126
- 00:07:19,565 --> 00:07:22,151
- Thunder buddies for life.
- 127
- 00:07:23,694 --> 00:07:28,574
- <i>And that was a promise that</i>
- <i>neither one of them ever forgot.</i>
- 128
- 00:07:29,533 --> 00:07:32,620
- <i>So, where are</i>
- <i>John and Teddy today?</i>
- 129
- 00:07:32,703 --> 00:07:34,789
- <i>Well, let me</i>
- <i>put it this way.</i>
- 130
- 00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:38,084
- <i>No matter how big a splash</i>
- <i>you make in this world,</i>
- 131
- 00:07:38,167 --> 00:07:42,088
- <i>whether you're Corey Feldman,</i>
- <i>Frankie Muniz, Justin Bieber,</i>
- 132
- 00:07:42,171 --> 00:07:44,006
- <i>or a talking teddy bear,</i>
- 133
- 00:07:44,090 --> 00:07:46,717
- <i>eventually,</i>
- <i>nobody gives a shit.</i>
- 134
- 00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:13,447
- (WATER BUBBLING)
- 135
- 00:10:18,869 --> 00:10:19,912
- (COUGHS)
- 136
- 00:10:20,246 --> 00:10:22,039
- <i>Do I dare look</i>
- <i>at the clock?</i>
- 137
- 00:10:22,414 --> 00:10:26,168
- Look, all I'm saying is that
- Boston women are, on the whole,
- 138
- 00:10:26,252 --> 00:10:29,630
- a paler, uglier sort than women
- from the elsewheres of life.
- 139
- 00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,382
- That's bullshit. What about Lori?
- She's hot.
- 140
- 00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,551
- No, Lori's from Pennsylvania.
- That's not a Boston girl.
- 141
- 00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:34,718
- They're not that bad.
- 142
- 00:10:34,885 --> 00:10:37,138
- See, the fact that you have
- to say they're not that bad
- 143
- 00:10:37,221 --> 00:10:38,556
- means that
- they are that bad.
- 144
- 00:10:38,848 --> 00:10:40,933
- Did you ever hear a Boston
- girl have an orgasm?
- 145
- 00:10:41,016 --> 00:10:45,354
- (IN BOSTON ACCENT) Oh, yeah, oh, yeah!
- Harder! Harder!
- 146
- 00:10:45,437 --> 00:10:47,356
- Oh, God,
- that was so good!
- 147
- 00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:50,651
- Now I'm going to stuff my fucking
- face with Pepperidge Farm!
- 148
- 00:10:52,236 --> 00:10:53,279
- (COUGHS)
- 149
- 00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:55,447
- Jesus, this is weak.
- 150
- 00:10:55,614 --> 00:10:59,118
- It's not even getting me high. I got
- to have a talk with my weed guy.
- 151
- 00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:00,202
- It's working for me.
- 152
- 00:11:00,286 --> 00:11:01,871
- I think it sucks. I'm going
- to have a talk with him.
- 153
- 00:11:01,954 --> 00:11:04,206
- I don't know that you want to go
- to a drug dealer with complaints.
- 154
- 00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:07,209
- No. I know this guy a long time.
- I've known him since 9/11.
- 155
- 00:11:07,293 --> 00:11:09,962
- You remember? I was, like, "Oh, shit, 9/11.
- I got to get high."
- 156
- 00:11:10,254 --> 00:11:11,839
- Is it 9:30?
- Yeah.
- 157
- 00:11:11,922 --> 00:11:13,465
- Shit, I got to
- get to work!
- 158
- 00:11:13,757 --> 00:11:15,259
- I don't know
- if I can drive!
- 159
- 00:11:15,509 --> 00:11:17,553
- It's okay, I'll drive you.
- I feel fine.
- 160
- 00:11:38,699 --> 00:11:39,867
- (BRAKES SCREECHING)
- 161
- 00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:42,286
- Fuck!
- Shit.
- 162
- 00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:43,412
- Oh, man!
- 163
- 00:11:43,579 --> 00:11:47,082
- TED: Johnny, I'm sorry, man. That
- car just came out of nowhere.
- 164
- 00:11:47,208 --> 00:11:48,626
- God, is it bad?
- 165
- 00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:50,753
- Oh, man!
- 166
- 00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:54,465
- John! May I speak
- with you, please?
- 167
- 00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:55,549
- Shit.
- 168
- 00:11:55,633 --> 00:11:57,051
- It's all right, go, go, go.
- I'll pull out of here.
- 169
- 00:11:57,134 --> 00:11:58,344
- Hi, Thomas, how are you?
- 170
- 00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:05,059
- (METAL SCRAPING)
- 171
- 00:12:12,191 --> 00:12:13,192
- MAN: asshole!
- 172
- 00:12:13,275 --> 00:12:15,736
- TED: That's my bad.
- I was sending a tweet.
- 173
- 00:12:17,780 --> 00:12:19,907
- John, it's almost 10:00.
- 174
- 00:12:20,616 --> 00:12:22,660
- I know, sir, I'm sorry.
- It wasn't my fault.
- 175
- 00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:24,662
- What do you mean?
- 176
- 00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:27,331
- (STAMMERS)
- 177
- 00:12:27,957 --> 00:12:31,335
- I guess I wasn't really prepared
- for a follow-up question.
- 178
- 00:12:32,253 --> 00:12:34,838
- John, all you got to do
- is not fuck up
- 179
- 00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:37,424
- and you get my job when I
- go to corporate next month.
- 180
- 00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:39,176
- You're the new
- branch manager.
- 181
- 00:12:39,260 --> 00:12:41,262
- All you've got to do
- is not fuck up.
- 182
- 00:12:41,345 --> 00:12:42,846
- I realize that.
- Good.
- 183
- 00:12:43,222 --> 00:12:44,890
- Glad to hear it.
- 184
- 00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:48,727
- Because in a month,
- my life could be your life.
- 185
- 00:12:48,811 --> 00:12:51,772
- A cushy, $38,000-a-year
- branch manager
- 186
- 00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:54,942
- who's personal friends
- with Tom Skerritt.
- 187
- 00:12:55,025 --> 00:12:56,652
- Not a bad life, is it?
- 188
- 00:12:57,194 --> 00:12:58,362
- No.
- 189
- 00:12:59,196 --> 00:13:01,282
- I'm going to show you something
- that I don't like to show people
- 190
- 00:13:01,365 --> 00:13:04,118
- because I don't want them
- treating me differently.
- 191
- 00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:09,123
- Boom.
- That's me and Skerritt.
- 192
- 00:13:09,373 --> 00:13:10,416
- Wow.
- 193
- 00:13:10,499 --> 00:13:12,126
- Goddamn right, "Wow."
- 194
- 00:13:12,584 --> 00:13:14,128
- I'm gonna dock you
- for dinging the car
- 195
- 00:13:14,211 --> 00:13:15,671
- and for showing up
- late today, all right?
- 196
- 00:13:16,046 --> 00:13:17,923
- Try and be a little more
- responsible tomorrow.
- 197
- 00:13:18,007 --> 00:13:19,591
- I will, sir, I promise.
- 198
- 00:13:21,010 --> 00:13:22,261
- I'm not going to
- let you down, Goose.
- 199
- 00:13:23,137 --> 00:13:24,138
- What?
- 200
- 00:13:24,805 --> 00:13:25,806
- <i>Top Gun.</i>
- 201
- 00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:27,516
- So?
- 202
- 00:13:28,225 --> 00:13:29,226
- Tom Skerritt.
- 203
- 00:13:30,144 --> 00:13:31,395
- I know that.
- 204
- 00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:32,646
- Get out of here, okay?
- 205
- 00:13:32,771 --> 00:13:33,814
- Thank you, sir.
- 206
- 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,817
- All right, here's your keys,
- your rental agreement,
- 207
- 00:13:36,900 --> 00:13:38,610
- complimentary
- map of Boston.
- 208
- 00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,238
- Thank you for choosing Liberty.
- Drive safely.
- 209
- 00:13:41,322 --> 00:13:43,073
- Thanks.
- Thanks so much.
- 210
- 00:13:44,575 --> 00:13:45,909
- I heard you got busted.
- 211
- 00:13:46,744 --> 00:13:49,038
- Jesus, Guy, you look like shit, man.
- What happened?
- 212
- 00:13:49,288 --> 00:13:52,291
- I don't know, I got fucking
- wasted last night.
- 213
- 00:13:52,374 --> 00:13:56,128
- My phone says I texted someone at
- 3:15, asking them to beat me up.
- 214
- 00:13:56,545 --> 00:14:00,257
- And then, at 4:30, I texted the
- same person saying, "Thanks."
- 215
- 00:14:00,466 --> 00:14:01,467
- And you don't remember it?
- 216
- 00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:02,843
- No, same as last time.
- 217
- 00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:05,095
- It just seems kind
- of gay, doesn't it?
- 218
- 00:14:05,596 --> 00:14:07,097
- I don't know.
- Maybe, yeah.
- 219
- 00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:09,600
- Well, do you think you're part
- of some gay beat-up underworld?
- 220
- 00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:11,685
- Like one of those gay
- beat-up clubs or something?
- 221
- 00:14:11,977 --> 00:14:13,520
- I don't know.
- I dig chicks, man.
- 222
- 00:14:13,604 --> 00:14:15,522
- I don't remember any of it.
- I was so fucked up.
- 223
- 00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:16,732
- I might be gay,
- I don't know.
- 224
- 00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:18,400
- Do you mind covering
- for me for a bit?
- 225
- 00:14:18,484 --> 00:14:20,027
- I might go lay down
- in the john.
- 226
- 00:14:20,194 --> 00:14:21,695
- Hey, buddies.
- Where is it hanging?
- 227
- 00:14:21,779 --> 00:14:23,364
- Hey, Alix, what's up? You
- get in the club last night?
- 228
- 00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:26,992
- I didn't get in because
- the bouncer was douche-face.
- 229
- 00:14:27,076 --> 00:14:28,452
- But I made friends
- in the line.
- 230
- 00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:29,828
- That's good, I guess.
- 231
- 00:14:29,912 --> 00:14:32,539
- Hey, guys, anybody
- know a nice restaurant,
- 232
- 00:14:32,623 --> 00:14:33,624
- like something
- where they give out
- 233
- 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:34,958
- free bubblegum
- in the bathrooms?
- 234
- 00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,168
- For what?
- 235
- 00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:37,711
- Lori and I have been dating
- four years tomorrow.
- 236
- 00:14:37,795 --> 00:14:39,463
- I want to take her
- someplace really nice.
- 237
- 00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:41,256
- Aw, congratulations, John.
- 238
- 00:14:41,382 --> 00:14:43,133
- GUY: You guys have been
- going out for four years?
- 239
- 00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:45,219
- My longest relationship
- was like six months
- 240
- 00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:46,762
- and then she farted
- in her sleep.
- 241
- 00:14:46,845 --> 00:14:49,598
- I'm like, "I'm out of here, man."
- I was gone before she woke up.
- 242
- 00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:51,809
- You're not
- very tolerant, huh?
- 243
- 00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:53,310
- Lori ever fart
- in front of you?
- 244
- 00:14:53,394 --> 00:14:54,436
- Yeah.
- 245
- 00:14:55,521 --> 00:14:57,481
- Really?
- Yeah, many times.
- 246
- 00:14:58,232 --> 00:14:59,983
- You Italian?
- No.
- 247
- 00:15:01,402 --> 00:15:02,444
- Why?
- 248
- 00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:04,530
- Never mind.
- Take her to Benihana.
- 249
- 00:15:04,696 --> 00:15:06,573
- John, look, don't you
- think after four years
- 250
- 00:15:06,657 --> 00:15:08,784
- maybe she's hoping for
- something more than dinner?
- 251
- 00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:09,952
- Like what?
- 252
- 00:15:10,035 --> 00:15:14,039
- I don't know, but if it were me,
- I'd be expecting a proposal.
- 253
- 00:15:14,415 --> 00:15:16,667
- Come on, nobody's expecting
- anybody to propose.
- 254
- 00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,127
- I mean, marriage isn't...
- 255
- 00:15:19,336 --> 00:15:21,839
- Isn't love enough? I submit
- that love is enough.
- 256
- 00:15:22,172 --> 00:15:25,008
- You can put the ring in her
- ass, let her fart it out.
- 257
- 00:15:25,217 --> 00:15:26,844
- (THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
- 258
- 00:15:32,391 --> 00:15:34,476
- So bad, but so good.
- 259
- 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:35,561
- (COUGHS)
- 260
- 00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:37,271
- Hey, by the way,
- don't let me forget,
- 261
- 00:15:37,354 --> 00:15:38,605
- you and I got to
- nail down a plan
- 262
- 00:15:38,689 --> 00:15:40,190
- for the Bruins game
- tomorrow night.
- 263
- 00:15:40,357 --> 00:15:42,484
- No, I can't.
- I'm taking Lori to dinner.
- 264
- 00:15:42,568 --> 00:15:43,569
- For what?
- 265
- 00:15:43,652 --> 00:15:45,612
- Well, we've been dating
- four years tomorrow.
- 266
- 00:15:45,696 --> 00:15:47,114
- Oh, fuck me. Nice.
- 267
- 00:15:47,531 --> 00:15:49,116
- Let me ask you something.
- 268
- 00:15:49,199 --> 00:15:50,409
- You don't think
- she's going to be
- 269
- 00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:51,869
- expecting something big,
- do you?
- 270
- 00:15:52,286 --> 00:15:53,287
- What, like anal?
- 271
- 00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:56,498
- No, like a fucking circular
- gold thing on her finger.
- 272
- 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,293
- Oh, fuck that! It's been
- four years, Johnny.
- 273
- 00:15:59,376 --> 00:16:01,211
- You and me have been
- together for 27 years.
- 274
- 00:16:01,295 --> 00:16:04,214
- Where's my ring?
- Where's my ring, asshole?
- 275
- 00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:06,175
- Where's my ring, motherfucker?
- Stop it. Come on!
- 276
- 00:16:06,258 --> 00:16:08,594
- Put it on my fuzzy finger,
- you fuck! Come on!
- 277
- 00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:09,720
- (LAUGHS) All right,
- knock it off!
- 278
- 00:16:09,928 --> 00:16:11,096
- All right,
- I'm just saying.
- 279
- 00:16:11,180 --> 00:16:14,057
- But do you think she might be expecting
- me to make that kind of a move?
- 280
- 00:16:14,141 --> 00:16:17,436
- No, I don't think she is. And, not
- only that, it's the wrong time.
- 281
- 00:16:17,728 --> 00:16:19,980
- It's a terrible idea. I
- mean, you got the economy.
- 282
- 00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:22,065
- You got the credit bubble,
- the Supreme Court.
- 283
- 00:16:22,149 --> 00:16:23,192
- I mean, look at Haiti.
- 284
- 00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:25,319
- I guess I didn't
- think about that.
- 285
- 00:16:25,402 --> 00:16:27,154
- Well, that's...
- It's a factor.
- 286
- 00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:28,739
- <i>Who are you?</i>
- 287
- 00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:32,367
- <i>Flash Gordon. Quarterback,</i>
- <i>New York Jets.</i>
- 288
- 00:16:32,743 --> 00:16:34,912
- This is the American
- fantasy, right here.
- 289
- 00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:38,832
- A professional NFL player is
- called upon to save the world.
- 290
- 00:16:38,916 --> 00:16:41,043
- Tom Brady could do that.
- Tom Brady could do that!
- 291
- 00:16:42,252 --> 00:16:43,837
- Hey.
- Hey, sweetie.
- 292
- 00:16:43,921 --> 00:16:44,922
- Hey, Lori-.
- 293
- 00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,757
- Hi.
- Hi.
- 294
- 00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:48,008
- What do you got there?
- 295
- 00:16:48,091 --> 00:16:50,260
- Turkey burgers.
- 296
- 00:16:50,344 --> 00:16:52,971
- Are we having homosexuals
- over for dinner tonight?
- 297
- 00:16:53,597 --> 00:16:55,224
- Ha-ha. No, just you homos.
- 298
- 00:16:55,432 --> 00:16:56,558
- Whoa!
- Whoa!
- 299
- 00:16:57,142 --> 00:17:00,270
- You kind of just reworded my
- joke, but, uh... (CHUCKLES)
- 300
- 00:17:00,354 --> 00:17:01,355
- How was work?
- 301
- 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:02,648
- It was fine.
- 302
- 00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:04,107
- How's your dickhead boss?
- 303
- 00:17:04,525 --> 00:17:05,526
- Rex is fine.
- 304
- 00:17:05,609 --> 00:17:08,403
- He only hit on me once today,
- so, it's a good thing.
- 305
- 00:17:08,654 --> 00:17:10,197
- Hey, Johnny,
- how about a beer?
- 306
- 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:11,657
- A couple of
- Charles Brew-kowskis?
- 307
- 00:17:11,740 --> 00:17:13,534
- Couple of Brew-stoyevskis?
- 308
- 00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,577
- Maybe a Mike Brew-gaslowski?
- 309
- 00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:17,120
- Perhaps a Tedy Brew-ski?
- 310
- 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:18,205
- That's a good one.
- 311
- 00:17:18,288 --> 00:17:21,667
- You know what, I think I, too,
- want a Martina Navrati-brewski.
- 312
- 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:22,834
- No, that doesn't work.
- 313
- 00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:23,961
- Don't ruin it. No.
- 314
- 00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:25,420
- Bullshit!
- That totally works.
- 315
- 00:17:25,504 --> 00:17:26,505
- TED: No, no.
- 316
- 00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:27,965
- Yeah, it does.
- It doesn't work.
- 317
- 00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,383
- The name has to have
- a "ski" at the end of it
- 318
- 00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:31,885
- and you just put "brewski" at the
- end of "Martina Navratilova," so...
- 319
- 00:17:31,969 --> 00:17:33,762
- I just thought we
- were saying funny names.
- 320
- 00:17:33,929 --> 00:17:36,098
- No, it has to have
- a "ski" at the end of it.
- 321
- 00:17:36,181 --> 00:17:37,391
- Otherwise,
- where's the challenge?
- 322
- 00:17:37,558 --> 00:17:39,726
- If there's no "ski" at
- the end of the root word
- 323
- 00:17:39,810 --> 00:17:42,729
- then we would just be
- idiots saying nonsense.
- 324
- 00:17:51,989 --> 00:17:52,990
- Hey.
- 325
- 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:54,616
- They found
- the missing hikers.
- 326
- 00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:55,742
- They did?
- 327
- 00:17:55,826 --> 00:17:56,827
- Yeah.
- What happened?
- 328
- 00:17:57,286 --> 00:17:58,537
- They said
- they got separated
- 329
- 00:17:58,620 --> 00:18:00,163
- and one of them had his
- foot stuck under a rock
- 330
- 00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:01,582
- for like, five days.
- 331
- 00:18:01,665 --> 00:18:03,083
- Wow.
- Mmm.
- 332
- 00:18:03,542 --> 00:18:07,045
- You know, if your leg got
- trapped under a rock
- 333
- 00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:08,630
- I'd chew it off
- to get you free.
- 334
- 00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:10,591
- You would?
- 335
- 00:18:10,674 --> 00:18:11,758
- I sure would.
- 336
- 00:18:11,842 --> 00:18:13,302
- Is that cannibalism?
- 337
- 00:18:13,385 --> 00:18:15,846
- No, I think it's only
- cannibalism if you swallow.
- 338
- 00:18:15,929 --> 00:18:17,097
- Oh, yeah, no!
- 339
- 00:18:17,180 --> 00:18:18,932
- Don't worry about that,
- because I don't swallow.
- 340
- 00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:20,809
- Really? 'Cause
- that's not what I heard.
- 341
- 00:18:21,059 --> 00:18:23,937
- Well, it's not true, okay?
- I'm a classy broad.
- 342
- 00:18:24,021 --> 00:18:25,063
- (LAUGHING)
- Yeah.
- 343
- 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,441
- I can see that.
- (SIGHS)
- 344
- 00:18:27,524 --> 00:18:29,443
- Listen,
- speaking of classy,
- 345
- 00:18:29,526 --> 00:18:31,653
- Ciao Bella is a really
- expensive restaurant.
- 346
- 00:18:31,737 --> 00:18:34,615
- So, we can go
- anywhere else tomorrow.
- 347
- 00:18:34,698 --> 00:18:36,825
- I really don't care,
- as long as we're together.
- 348
- 00:18:37,409 --> 00:18:38,994
- Are you kidding me?
- 349
- 00:18:39,077 --> 00:18:40,829
- No, no, no. Four years,
- we've been going out.
- 350
- 00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:43,206
- I'm taking you to
- the best place in town.
- 351
- 00:18:43,999 --> 00:18:45,417
- You know I love you.
- 352
- 00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,337
- I love you, too. (LAUGHING)
- And you're nasty.
- 353
- 00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,464
- Do you want to get nasty?
- 354
- 00:18:50,547 --> 00:18:52,591
- You're a nasty girl.
- 355
- 00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:57,054
- (THUNDER CRASHING)
- (SCREAMS)
- 356
- 00:18:57,846 --> 00:18:58,805
- I don't understand.
- 357
- 00:18:58,889 --> 00:19:01,600
- Thirty-five years old and you're
- still scared of a little thunder.
- 358
- 00:19:01,683 --> 00:19:03,226
- I am not!
- 359
- 00:19:03,435 --> 00:19:04,853
- (EXCLAIMING FEARFULLY)
- 360
- 00:19:05,729 --> 00:19:07,648
- Thunder buddies for life, right, Johnny?
- Fucking right.
- 361
- 00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:09,650
- Let's sing the thundersong.
- All right.
- 362
- 00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:12,903
- <i>BOTH: (SINGING) When you hear the sound</i>
- <i>of thunder Don't you get too scared</i>
- 363
- 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:16,573
- <i>Just grab your thunder buddy</i>
- <i>And say these magic words</i>
- 364
- 00:19:16,948 --> 00:19:20,285
- <i>Fuck you, thunder</i>
- <i>You can suck my dick</i>
- 365
- 00:19:20,410 --> 00:19:23,330
- <i>You can't get me, thunder</i>
- <i>'Cause you're just God's farts</i>
- 366
- 00:19:23,413 --> 00:19:24,414
- (BOTH IMITATE FARTING)
- 367
- 00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:25,707
- Ugh!
- 368
- 00:19:27,125 --> 00:19:29,503
- TED: Hey, Lori, can you set
- the alarm for 11:00 a.m.?
- 369
- 00:19:29,586 --> 00:19:31,296
- I've got a lot of
- stuff to do tomorrow.
- 370
- 00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:45,602
- WOMAN:
- Good morning, Lori.
- 371
- 00:19:45,811 --> 00:19:47,396
- Good morning.
- 372
- 00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:52,609
- (SIGHS)
- 373
- 00:19:52,693 --> 00:19:54,486
- Okay. You okay
- there, sweetheart?
- 374
- 00:19:54,569 --> 00:19:56,530
- (GRUNTS) You look a
- little flustered.
- 375
- 00:19:56,613 --> 00:19:57,656
- I'm fine, I'm fine,
- 376
- 00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:59,908
- I just didn't have time for
- breakfast and the garage was full,
- 377
- 00:19:59,991 --> 00:20:02,160
- oh, and that's right, my boyfriend
- can't sleep through a thunderstorm
- 378
- 00:20:02,244 --> 00:20:03,453
- without his teddy bear.
- 379
- 00:20:03,829 --> 00:20:05,539
- I don't understand why you
- keep putting up with him.
- 380
- 00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:09,292
- Yeah, I mean, the guy's 35, and he's
- working for a rental car service.
- 381
- 00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:11,211
- You know, you guys,
- it's really not about that.
- 382
- 00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:14,381
- I don't care about that. I mean,
- I'd love him if he was a janitor.
- 383
- 00:20:14,464 --> 00:20:18,009
- I mean, he has a huge
- heart and we laugh a lot.
- 384
- 00:20:18,093 --> 00:20:21,388
- It's just a bonus that he's
- the hottest guy in Boston.
- 385
- 00:20:21,596 --> 00:20:23,473
- I don't know. I just wish he
- would get his life together.
- 386
- 00:20:23,682 --> 00:20:25,976
- Our life.
- And he can't.
- 387
- 00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:28,562
- And, I swear to God,
- it is because of that bear.
- 388
- 00:20:28,729 --> 00:20:31,648
- You should give him an ultimatum.
- It's you or the bear.
- 389
- 00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:34,985
- No, I can't do that.
- That would devastate him.
- 390
- 00:20:35,068 --> 00:20:38,655
- Besides,
- what if he chose Ted?
- 391
- 00:20:38,989 --> 00:20:39,990
- Well, hello there.
- 392
- 00:20:40,157 --> 00:20:42,242
- Sorry if I'm interrupting
- any private girl-talk
- 393
- 00:20:42,325 --> 00:20:43,785
- about Channing Tatum's
- index finger.
- 394
- 00:20:43,869 --> 00:20:46,079
- But, Lori, I need to
- see you in my office.
- 395
- 00:20:46,163 --> 00:20:48,415
- Yeah, the thing is, Rex, I have a
- lot of work I need to get to...
- 396
- 00:20:48,498 --> 00:20:51,084
- Oh, this is work,
- I swear.
- 397
- 00:20:51,168 --> 00:20:52,461
- (SIGHS)
- 398
- 00:20:52,544 --> 00:20:54,254
- Great.
- 399
- 00:20:54,671 --> 00:20:56,339
- Good luck.
- Thank you.
- 400
- 00:20:57,424 --> 00:20:58,717
- He's such an asshole.
- 401
- 00:20:58,842 --> 00:21:00,719
- Out of control.
- He's such a sleaze.
- 402
- 00:21:00,844 --> 00:21:03,764
- A hundred bucks says he's showing
- her the diving team photo.
- 403
- 00:21:04,514 --> 00:21:06,767
- Check this out.
- 404
- 00:21:06,850 --> 00:21:09,186
- That's me on
- the high school diving team.
- 405
- 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,146
- We dove the shit out
- of that pool that year.
- 406
- 00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:12,939
- You promised me
- this was about work.
- 407
- 00:21:13,064 --> 00:21:15,275
- Lori, why don't you like me?
- Ugh!
- 408
- 00:21:15,358 --> 00:21:17,402
- I'm rich, I'm good-looking,
- my dad owns the company.
- 409
- 00:21:17,486 --> 00:21:19,571
- I have a boyfriend.
- I have told you this.
- 410
- 00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:21,198
- Yeah, the guy with the bear.
- 411
- 00:21:21,281 --> 00:21:24,367
- But I'm talking about
- a mature relationship, Lori.
- 412
- 00:21:24,534 --> 00:21:27,746
- If we were together, our
- babies would be spectacular.
- 413
- 00:21:27,913 --> 00:21:32,417
- With my top-of-the-pyramid
- Caucasian genes and your splash of
- 414
- 00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:36,755
- dark, beautiful, smoky...
- 415
- 00:21:37,005 --> 00:21:38,840
- Baltic? Czech?
- 416
- 00:21:39,007 --> 00:21:40,383
- Goodbye, Rex.
- 417
- 00:21:40,759 --> 00:21:42,052
- (SOFT PIANO PLAYING)
- 418
- 00:21:54,648 --> 00:21:55,732
- LORI: Oh!
- 419
- 00:21:56,024 --> 00:21:57,901
- Okay, that was perfect.
- 420
- 00:21:58,109 --> 00:21:59,694
- Would you like me to
- wrap your leftovers?
- 421
- 00:21:59,778 --> 00:22:01,321
- No, I'm good.
- Thank you.
- 422
- 00:22:01,404 --> 00:22:03,156
- Actually, could you
- wrap just this up for me?
- 423
- 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,324
- I want to scare
- the shit out of somebody.
- 424
- 00:22:04,407 --> 00:22:05,408
- Sure.
- 425
- 00:22:05,700 --> 00:22:06,660
- What are you,
- five years old?
- 426
- 00:22:06,743 --> 00:22:07,744
- JOHN: Yeah.
- 427
- 00:22:07,953 --> 00:22:10,163
- But I read at a
- six-year-old level, so...
- 428
- 00:22:10,247 --> 00:22:11,498
- (LAUGHING)
- 429
- 00:22:11,581 --> 00:22:15,710
- Sir, and madam,
- here is your dessert
- 430
- 00:22:15,794 --> 00:22:17,754
- and champagne.
- 431
- 00:22:18,088 --> 00:22:19,172
- (GASPS) Ooh!
- 432
- 00:22:19,422 --> 00:22:20,757
- Cristal.
- 433
- 00:22:20,841 --> 00:22:23,510
- It's a special night. We've
- been dating for four years.
- 434
- 00:22:23,593 --> 00:22:26,221
- And hey, all those rich black
- people can't be wrong, right?
- 435
- 00:22:26,304 --> 00:22:27,389
- (LAUGHING)
- 436
- 00:22:28,598 --> 00:22:29,683
- (SIGHS)
- 437
- 00:22:29,766 --> 00:22:31,643
- It doesn't feel like
- four years, does it?
- 438
- 00:22:32,269 --> 00:22:33,603
- No, it doesn't.
- 439
- 00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:37,148
- You know, you had no business
- being out on that dance floor,
- 440
- 00:22:37,232 --> 00:22:39,276
- but I'm really happy
- that you were.
- 441
- 00:22:39,442 --> 00:22:40,944
- (HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
- 442
- 00:22:45,615 --> 00:22:47,200
- This song is so great.
- 443
- 00:22:47,284 --> 00:22:50,328
- Oh, yeah. Chris Brown
- can do no wrong.
- 444
- 00:22:50,745 --> 00:22:52,664
- Wow, you can really move.
- 445
- 00:22:52,747 --> 00:22:54,958
- You like that, huh?
- Check this shit out.
- 446
- 00:23:01,631 --> 00:23:02,883
- Oh, my God!
- 447
- 00:23:03,717 --> 00:23:05,051
- Are you okay?
- (GROANING)
- 448
- 00:23:05,135 --> 00:23:06,344
- Oh, God, lam so sorry.
- 449
- 00:23:06,428 --> 00:23:07,596
- No, I'm fine,
- I'm fine.
- 450
- 00:23:07,679 --> 00:23:10,432
- Jesus, lam so sorry. I didn't see you.
- It was an accident.
- 451
- 00:23:10,515 --> 00:23:11,600
- Did you hurt your head?
- 452
- 00:23:11,683 --> 00:23:13,310
- Yeah, my head hurts a lot.
- 453
- 00:23:13,393 --> 00:23:14,978
- Oh, man. Here, let
- me get you some ice.
- 454
- 00:23:19,316 --> 00:23:20,317
- Cw!
- 455
- 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,944
- Sorry, sorry.
- Does it hurt?
- 456
- 00:23:25,906 --> 00:23:28,658
- No. It's fine.
- 457
- 00:23:30,327 --> 00:23:32,996
- Okay, here's a test to see how
- much you actually care about me.
- 458
- 00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:35,624
- You remember that night,
- after the club
- 459
- 00:23:35,707 --> 00:23:39,544
- we went and had late-night eggs
- and waffles until about 5:00 a.m.
- 460
- 00:23:39,628 --> 00:23:42,589
- We watched a movie on the
- little TV in the diner.
- 461
- 00:23:42,672 --> 00:23:44,007
- Name that movie.
- 462
- 00:23:44,466 --> 00:23:45,508
- <i>Octopussy.</i>
- 463
- 00:23:45,717 --> 00:23:48,678
- (GASPS)
- Baby! Gold star.
- 464
- 00:23:48,762 --> 00:23:51,056
- And, by the way, my
- dancing was not that bad.
- 465
- 00:23:51,139 --> 00:23:52,974
- It was pretty bad.
- I have cool moves.
- 466
- 00:23:53,058 --> 00:23:54,434
- Yeah, so do people
- with Parkinson's.
- 467
- 00:23:54,517 --> 00:23:55,769
- That's not
- how I remember it.
- 468
- 00:23:55,852 --> 00:23:57,187
- Okay, how do you
- remember it?
- 469
- 00:23:57,437 --> 00:23:58,939
- (DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)
- 470
- 00:24:27,092 --> 00:24:29,052
- All right,
- whatever you say.
- 471
- 00:24:29,219 --> 00:24:30,512
- Hey
- Yes?
- 472
- 00:24:30,595 --> 00:24:31,930
- Here's to four more years.
- 473
- 00:24:32,263 --> 00:24:33,932
- Okay.
- You make me happy.
- 474
- 00:24:34,808 --> 00:24:36,309
- Now, I know we said
- no gifts, but...
- 475
- 00:24:36,393 --> 00:24:37,394
- We said no such thing.
- 476
- 00:24:37,477 --> 00:24:40,313
- I got you something anyway, in clear
- violation of the "no gift" rule.
- 477
- 00:24:40,397 --> 00:24:41,606
- We had no such rule.
- 478
- 00:24:41,690 --> 00:24:45,110
- Lori, I've wanted to give
- this to you for a long time.
- 479
- 00:24:48,279 --> 00:24:49,531
- John“.
- 480
- 00:24:55,245 --> 00:24:57,956
- Those are the ones you like, right?
- From that kiosk at the mall.
- 481
- 00:24:59,082 --> 00:25:00,583
- Yeah.
- 482
- 00:25:02,627 --> 00:25:04,129
- You know, Lori,
- 483
- 00:25:04,212 --> 00:25:05,630
- someday, there's going
- to be a ring in there.
- 484
- 00:25:06,047 --> 00:25:08,758
- But I want to wait until I get
- you something really special.
- 485
- 00:25:08,842 --> 00:25:10,677
- I just don't have
- the money right now.
- 486
- 00:25:12,470 --> 00:25:15,056
- Look, I'm only saying this
- because I love you.
- 487
- 00:25:15,140 --> 00:25:16,641
- You're not going to
- have any sort of career
- 488
- 00:25:16,766 --> 00:25:18,309
- if you keep
- wasting time with Ted.
- 489
- 00:25:18,393 --> 00:25:19,436
- Oh, jeez, here we go.
- 490
- 00:25:19,519 --> 00:25:21,146
- Baby, please ask Ted
- to move out
- 491
- 00:25:21,229 --> 00:25:22,605
- so we can move on
- with our lives.
- 492
- 00:25:22,689 --> 00:25:25,233
- Lori, look, he's been my best
- friend since I was eight.
- 493
- 00:25:25,316 --> 00:25:26,943
- I was not a popular child.
- 494
- 00:25:28,695 --> 00:25:30,321
- You have to understand, I had no
- friends before he came along.
- 495
- 00:25:30,405 --> 00:25:32,741
- He's the only reason I ever
- gained any fucking confidence.
- 496
- 00:25:32,824 --> 00:25:35,869
- But you're no longer eight.
- You're 35 years old.
- 497
- 00:25:35,952 --> 00:25:37,912
- And unless you're
- too blind to notice,
- 498
- 00:25:37,996 --> 00:25:39,914
- he's not your
- only friend anymore.
- 499
- 00:25:39,998 --> 00:25:41,541
- Can we talk about
- this another time,
- 500
- 00:25:41,624 --> 00:25:43,043
- and just enjoy
- our anniversary dinner?
- 501
- 00:25:46,421 --> 00:25:47,630
- (LORI CLEARS THROAT)
- 502
- 00:25:53,845 --> 00:25:55,388
- Oh, shit, hang on a second.
- 503
- 00:25:55,805 --> 00:25:57,640
- Now my phone fell under
- the seat somewhere.
- 504
- 00:25:57,724 --> 00:25:58,767
- Can you call it?
- 505
- 00:25:58,975 --> 00:26:00,185
- Yeah.
- 506
- 00:26:03,813 --> 00:26:04,898
- (DIALING)
- 507
- 00:26:06,191 --> 00:26:08,651
- (OMINOUS RING-TONE PLAYING)
- 508
- 00:26:14,532 --> 00:26:15,992
- Is that my ringtone?
- 509
- 00:26:16,409 --> 00:26:17,827
- Oh, yeah.
- 510
- 00:26:18,453 --> 00:26:20,413
- What is it?
- 'Cause it sounds negative.
- 511
- 00:26:20,497 --> 00:26:22,415
- <i>No, no,</i>
- <i>it's from The Notebook.</i>
- 512
- 00:26:23,291 --> 00:26:24,334
- Oh.
- 513
- 00:26:24,918 --> 00:26:26,586
- This is going to take
- some doing, I think.
- 514
- 00:26:26,669 --> 00:26:27,962
- I'll just meet
- you upstairs then?
- 515
- 00:26:28,046 --> 00:26:29,589
- Yeah, I'll be right there.
- 516
- 00:26:31,841 --> 00:26:33,551
- (MUFFLED ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
- 517
- 00:26:37,639 --> 00:26:38,681
- Oh!
- 518
- 00:26:38,765 --> 00:26:40,391
- Lori, hey,
- you're home early.
- 519
- 00:26:40,475 --> 00:26:42,102
- What the hell is this?
- 520
- 00:26:42,185 --> 00:26:44,604
- The ladies and I were just
- <i>watching Jack and Jill.</i>
- 521
- 00:26:44,687 --> 00:26:48,608
- Adam Sandier plays a guy and his
- sister, and it's just awful.
- 522
- 00:26:48,691 --> 00:26:49,776
- It's unwatchable.
- 523
- 00:26:49,859 --> 00:26:51,611
- But, they're hookers,
- so it's fine.
- 524
- 00:26:51,694 --> 00:26:54,197
- This place is a wreck.
- Who are these girls?
- 525
- 00:26:54,322 --> 00:26:55,907
- Oh. Where are my manners?
- 526
- 00:26:56,074 --> 00:27:00,703
- Lori, this is Angelique, Heavenly,
- Cherene, and Sauvignon Blanc.
- 527
- 00:27:01,037 --> 00:27:02,122
- I love you girls.
- 528
- 00:27:02,205 --> 00:27:04,707
- You know, somewhere out there
- are four terrible fathers
- 529
- 00:27:04,791 --> 00:27:06,835
- I wish I could thank
- for this great night.
- 530
- 00:27:06,918 --> 00:27:08,336
- What is that?
- 531
- 00:27:08,545 --> 00:27:09,879
- What is what?
- 532
- 00:27:10,380 --> 00:27:12,507
- There is...
- 533
- 00:27:12,590 --> 00:27:14,509
- ...a shit on my floor.
- 534
- 00:27:14,759 --> 00:27:16,970
- In the corner,
- there is a shit!
- 535
- 00:27:17,220 --> 00:27:19,681
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, we were
- playing truth or dare
- 536
- 00:27:19,764 --> 00:27:21,599
- and Cherene's
- pretty ballsy.
- 537
- 00:27:21,683 --> 00:27:23,560
- There is a shit
- on my floor!
- 538
- 00:27:23,643 --> 00:27:28,565
- "Or is the floor on the shit?"
- is what Kierkegaard would say.
- 539
- 00:27:29,399 --> 00:27:30,441
- (JOHN ROARS)
- (LAUGHS)
- 540
- 00:27:30,567 --> 00:27:32,944
- JOHN: Who lives here? I'm coming
- to get whoever lives here.
- 541
- 00:27:33,194 --> 00:27:34,529
- You owe me lobster money.
- 542
- 00:27:35,071 --> 00:27:36,489
- (LAUGHS) That's
- my buddy, Johnny.
- 543
- 00:27:36,573 --> 00:27:38,158
- Not the lobster,
- the guy running it.
- 544
- 00:27:38,575 --> 00:27:40,535
- I found my phone.
- 545
- 00:27:40,618 --> 00:27:41,661
- What's going on?
- 546
- 00:27:43,371 --> 00:27:45,582
- Is that a shit?
- 547
- 00:28:01,097 --> 00:28:03,683
- God, there are some
- fucked-up fish out there.
- 548
- 00:28:03,933 --> 00:28:06,186
- Look at that one.
- WASP-y, white-guy fish.
- 549
- 00:28:06,269 --> 00:28:10,815
- "I married the wrong woman, and
- now I lead a life of regret."
- 550
- 00:28:10,899 --> 00:28:12,025
- Oh, look at this guy.
- 551
- 00:28:12,108 --> 00:28:17,113
- "I went to New York once in 1981,
- and I just did not feel safe."
- 552
- 00:28:17,197 --> 00:28:18,281
- (SIGHS)
- 553
- 00:28:18,364 --> 00:28:20,575
- Ted, you gotta move out.
- 554
- 00:28:22,493 --> 00:28:23,536
- What?
- 555
- 00:28:24,078 --> 00:28:26,247
- It's got to happen.
- 556
- 00:28:27,832 --> 00:28:29,959
- What did I do?
- 557
- 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,922
- My relationship is at a very
- delicate stage, you know.
- 558
- 00:28:35,131 --> 00:28:37,300
- Lori and I may just need
- a little space right now.
- 559
- 00:28:37,842 --> 00:28:40,720
- Plus, a hooker took a
- shit in our apartment.
- 560
- 00:28:40,803 --> 00:28:42,472
- Oh, God!
- Ah, what?
- 561
- 00:28:42,555 --> 00:28:43,681
- Oh, this is so gross!
- 562
- 00:28:43,765 --> 00:28:45,767
- Don't tell me! I don't want to hear about it!
- Did you get it?
- 563
- 00:28:45,850 --> 00:28:47,727
- No, I didn't get it!
- Tell me when you get it!
- 564
- 00:28:47,810 --> 00:28:50,396
- Oh, my God,
- I got some on my thumb!
- 565
- 00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,815
- No! You can never cook
- with that hand again!
- 566
- 00:28:53,024 --> 00:28:54,734
- Oh, my God! You have to
- learn to cook left-handed.
- 567
- 00:28:54,817 --> 00:28:56,736
- This is the most
- disgusting thing ever!
- 568
- 00:28:56,819 --> 00:28:58,238
- Don't!
- Get it away from me!
- 569
- 00:28:58,321 --> 00:29:00,240
- Look, that was a tough
- night for all of us.
- 570
- 00:29:00,490 --> 00:29:04,035
- Ted, you mean everything
- to me, and so does Lori.
- 571
- 00:29:04,118 --> 00:29:07,080
- I'm just trying to find a way
- to keep you both in my life.
- 572
- 00:29:07,580 --> 00:29:08,581
- (SIGHS)
- 573
- 00:29:08,665 --> 00:29:10,541
- She's making you
- do it, isn't she?
- 574
- 00:29:11,125 --> 00:29:12,210
- Yes.
- 575
- 00:29:12,293 --> 00:29:15,463
- But that doesn't mean we can't hang out.
- We'll hang out all the time.
- 576
- 00:29:15,922 --> 00:29:18,508
- Yeah, but what about "thunder
- buddies for life," Johnny?
- 577
- 00:29:18,591 --> 00:29:21,094
- I know. I just don't
- know what to do, here.
- 578
- 00:29:21,177 --> 00:29:25,139
- I know it sucks, but otherwise
- I'm going to lose her.
- 579
- 00:29:25,265 --> 00:29:26,808
- And I do love her, Ted.
- 580
- 00:29:27,433 --> 00:29:29,060
- I know you do, Johnny.
- 581
- 00:29:29,310 --> 00:29:31,479
- I'll help you get on your
- feet out there, I promise.
- 582
- 00:29:31,938 --> 00:29:33,856
- I know. And we'll hang
- out all the time, right?
- 583
- 00:29:34,023 --> 00:29:35,441
- All the time.
- 584
- 00:29:35,650 --> 00:29:37,318
- Fuck it. Bring it in. Come here.
- 585
- 00:29:37,402 --> 00:29:39,320
- Bring it in, you bastard.
- Come on.
- 586
- 00:29:39,862 --> 00:29:41,114
- RECORDED TOY VOICE:
- <i>I love you!</i>
- 587
- 00:29:41,364 --> 00:29:44,075
- Fuck. Shit, sorry, that's
- the thing from the...
- 588
- 00:29:44,242 --> 00:29:46,077
- The old...
- Yeah, yeah.
- 589
- 00:29:46,160 --> 00:29:47,578
- I'm not gay.
- I know.
- 590
- 00:29:47,662 --> 00:29:49,789
- And you're not gay,
- so we're fine.
- 591
- 00:29:50,999 --> 00:29:53,459
- We gotta get you a job.
- 592
- 00:29:54,836 --> 00:29:55,920
- I look stupid.
- 593
- 00:29:56,004 --> 00:29:57,213
- No you don't.
- You look dapper.
- 594
- 00:29:57,297 --> 00:29:59,674
- I don't. I look like
- Snuggle's accountant.
- 595
- 00:29:59,757 --> 00:30:01,050
- Come on,
- it's not that bad.
- 596
- 00:30:01,134 --> 00:30:02,510
- John, I look like something
- you give your kid
- 597
- 00:30:02,593 --> 00:30:04,095
- when you tell him
- Grandma died.
- 598
- 00:30:04,262 --> 00:30:06,139
- Look, I know
- it sucks, okay?
- 599
- 00:30:06,222 --> 00:30:07,265
- But you've got
- to make some money
- 600
- 00:30:07,348 --> 00:30:08,391
- so you can pay
- for an apartment.
- 601
- 00:30:08,474 --> 00:30:10,518
- I don't want to work
- at a grocery store.
- 602
- 00:30:10,601 --> 00:30:11,978
- Yeah, but you
- have no skills.
- 603
- 00:30:12,145 --> 00:30:14,147
- I told you,
- I can totally be a lawyer.
- 604
- 00:30:14,564 --> 00:30:17,483
- You get the job, we're
- celebrating after, okay?
- 605
- 00:30:17,942 --> 00:30:19,319
- Uh-huh. And if I
- don't get the job,
- 606
- 00:30:19,402 --> 00:30:20,737
- are we still going to
- smoke that pot?
- 607
- 00:30:21,070 --> 00:30:22,238
- Probably, yes.
- 608
- 00:30:22,363 --> 00:30:24,324
- Uh-huh. Okay, all right.
- Good talk, coach, thanks.
- 609
- 00:30:24,407 --> 00:30:25,408
- All right, buddy,
- go get 'em.
- 610
- 00:30:26,409 --> 00:30:28,286
- And don't worry,
- I'll do my very best
- 611
- 00:30:28,369 --> 00:30:30,496
- to get this job
- that I so crave.
- 612
- 00:30:31,456 --> 00:30:33,166
- So you think you
- got what it takes?
- 613
- 00:30:33,333 --> 00:30:36,377
- I'll tell you what I got. Your
- wife's pussy on my breath.
- 614
- 00:30:38,504 --> 00:30:40,757
- Nobody's ever talked
- to me like that before.
- 615
- 00:30:40,923 --> 00:30:44,218
- That's 'cause everyone's mouth is
- usually full of your wife's box.
- 616
- 00:30:46,429 --> 00:30:47,555
- You're hired.
- 617
- 00:30:47,805 --> 00:30:48,890
- Shit.
- 618
- 00:31:34,852 --> 00:31:38,481
- Well, I am a former celebrity
- in a minimum wage job.
- 619
- 00:31:38,564 --> 00:31:41,317
- <i>This is how the cast of</i>
- <i>Diff'rent Strokes feels.</i>
- 620
- 00:31:41,401 --> 00:31:43,611
- All day, every day.
- Just awful.
- 621
- 00:31:43,694 --> 00:31:45,988
- They must feel awful. The
- live ones must feel awful.
- 622
- 00:31:46,072 --> 00:31:47,156
- Come on.
- It's not that bad, okay?
- 623
- 00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,700
- I got a shitty job, and I
- assure you, lam quite content.
- 624
- 00:31:49,867 --> 00:31:51,077
- Excuse me.
- 625
- 00:31:51,244 --> 00:31:52,412
- I'm sorry to bother you
- 626
- 00:31:52,495 --> 00:31:56,499
- but my son and I couldn't help
- but admire your teddy bear.
- 627
- 00:31:56,999 --> 00:31:58,418
- Oh, thank you.
- Thanks.
- 628
- 00:31:58,501 --> 00:32:01,587
- Yeah. I'm Donny,
- this is Robert.
- 629
- 00:32:01,754 --> 00:32:04,507
- I have to say, I've been following
- you ever since I was a young boy
- 630
- 00:32:05,675 --> 00:32:08,344
- and I remember seeing you
- on the Carson show.
- 631
- 00:32:08,511 --> 00:32:09,846
- You were just wonderful.
- 632
- 00:32:10,012 --> 00:32:12,348
- Oh, yeah, that was
- a weird interview.
- 633
- 00:32:12,432 --> 00:32:15,852
- Ed thought I was ALF, and he kept
- muttering anti-Semitic comments.
- 634
- 00:32:16,018 --> 00:32:17,979
- He thought ALF was
- Jewish for some reason.
- 635
- 00:32:18,062 --> 00:32:19,730
- Have you ever considered
- selling the bear?
- 636
- 00:32:20,022 --> 00:32:21,023
- What?
- Excuse me?
- 637
- 00:32:21,107 --> 00:32:22,316
- I want it.
- 638
- 00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:24,652
- I'm not an "it," pal.
- I'm a "he," all right?
- 639
- 00:32:25,194 --> 00:32:27,155
- I'm sorry, little guy,
- but my bear isn't for sale.
- 640
- 00:32:27,238 --> 00:32:29,115
- See, I've had him
- since I was about your age.
- 641
- 00:32:29,198 --> 00:32:30,908
- He's very, very
- special to me.
- 642
- 00:32:30,992 --> 00:32:33,244
- Stand up straight when
- you're talking to me.
- 643
- 00:32:33,578 --> 00:32:35,288
- Why the fuck
- would he say that?
- 644
- 00:32:35,371 --> 00:32:38,374
- Sorry, you really shouldn't
- swear in front of children.
- 645
- 00:32:38,458 --> 00:32:40,209
- Look, we're very
- interested in the bear.
- 646
- 00:32:40,334 --> 00:32:41,919
- If you want to make
- some sort of arrangement
- 647
- 00:32:42,003 --> 00:32:43,713
- here's my address
- and phone number.
- 648
- 00:32:43,880 --> 00:32:46,132
- And you can call me
- any time, okay?
- 649
- 00:32:46,215 --> 00:32:47,258
- Will do.
- 650
- 00:32:47,425 --> 00:32:50,303
- Here it goes, in the really important
- pocket for really important stuff.
- 651
- 00:32:50,386 --> 00:32:52,013
- Okay? Okay.
- 652
- 00:32:52,180 --> 00:32:53,848
- Okay.
- See you later.
- 653
- 00:32:53,931 --> 00:32:54,932
- Come on, Robert.
- 654
- 00:32:55,016 --> 00:32:56,017
- TED: Take it easy.
- 655
- 00:32:56,184 --> 00:32:57,226
- What the fuck?
- 656
- 00:32:57,393 --> 00:32:59,353
- Can you imagine what that
- little shit would do to me?
- 657
- 00:32:59,437 --> 00:33:01,314
- I could totally see him just
- taking you down to the basement
- 658
- 00:33:01,397 --> 00:33:02,940
- and really slowly
- de-limbing you
- 659
- 00:33:03,024 --> 00:33:05,359
- while singing some creepy
- Victorian nursery rhyme.
- 660
- 00:33:05,735 --> 00:33:08,154
- <i>(SINGING) Oh, my little sixpence</i>
- <i>My pretty little sixpence</i>
- 661
- 00:33:08,237 --> 00:33:10,114
- Stop it.
- Knock it off.
- 662
- 00:33:10,198 --> 00:33:11,699
- <i>I love my sixpence</i>
- <i>Better than my life</i>
- 663
- 00:33:11,782 --> 00:33:13,659
- Stop it! Fuck! Why you got
- to take it to that place?
- 664
- 00:33:13,743 --> 00:33:16,287
- You took it to a very... Now it's real.
- Now it's a real thing.
- 665
- 00:33:16,370 --> 00:33:17,538
- Come on.
- Take it easy.
- 666
- 00:33:17,622 --> 00:33:20,583
- All right, look, let's just find
- a better place to get stoned.
- 667
- 00:33:37,934 --> 00:33:39,227
- (GRUNTS)
- 668
- 00:33:40,520 --> 00:33:41,729
- (SIGHS)
- 669
- 00:33:42,438 --> 00:33:44,065
- I guess this is it, huh?
- 670
- 00:33:44,232 --> 00:33:46,526
- Yeah. Yeah, I guess so.
- 671
- 00:33:46,692 --> 00:33:47,818
- First night on your own.
- 672
- 00:33:48,152 --> 00:33:51,280
- Yeah, first night in
- my beautiful new apartment.
- 673
- 00:33:51,906 --> 00:33:53,449
- It'll be great
- when it's furnished.
- 674
- 00:33:53,616 --> 00:33:55,993
- Yeah, and the guy said it ain't
- hardly had no murders in it.
- 675
- 00:33:56,077 --> 00:33:57,995
- So, that's good.
- 676
- 00:33:58,829 --> 00:34:01,666
- Okay, so,
- if you need anything...
- 677
- 00:34:01,832 --> 00:34:05,461
- Yeah, I know. Don't worry,
- Johnny, I'll be fine.
- 678
- 00:34:06,337 --> 00:34:08,339
- I know you will.
- 679
- 00:34:09,131 --> 00:34:10,258
- (SIGHS) All right.
- 680
- 00:34:35,992 --> 00:34:37,368
- Hey there.
- 681
- 00:34:37,451 --> 00:34:38,494
- Hey.
- 682
- 00:34:38,578 --> 00:34:40,162
- Hi.
- Hi.
- 683
- 00:34:42,498 --> 00:34:46,127
- Listen, I just want
- to say thank you.
- 684
- 00:34:47,044 --> 00:34:50,506
- I know what you did
- with Ted wasn't easy,
- 685
- 00:34:51,007 --> 00:34:54,427
- and I just want you to know
- that I love you for it,
- 686
- 00:34:54,510 --> 00:34:58,347
- and I think it's a new beginning
- for our relationship.
- 687
- 00:34:58,723 --> 00:35:01,434
- Hey, anything for you.
- 688
- 00:35:01,517 --> 00:35:03,978
- This is all part of the new,
- grown-up adult John Bennett,
- 689
- 00:35:04,061 --> 00:35:06,731
- so you better
- get used to him.
- 690
- 00:35:06,814 --> 00:35:07,857
- Really?
- 691
- 00:35:08,816 --> 00:35:11,027
- Well, you know,
- 692
- 00:35:11,110 --> 00:35:14,780
- I don't have to be at work
- for another 20 minutes.
- 693
- 00:35:15,531 --> 00:35:17,158
- Well, that's perfect.
- 694
- 00:35:17,241 --> 00:35:19,118
- Because I'm only
- going to need one.
- 695
- 00:35:19,243 --> 00:35:20,286
- (LAUGHS)
- 696
- 00:35:22,204 --> 00:35:24,540
- You know what my favorite
- thing about you is?
- 697
- 00:35:24,874 --> 00:35:29,545
- That, even after four years,
- you can still surprise me.
- 698
- 00:35:30,880 --> 00:35:34,967
- To step up and change such
- a huge part of your life
- 699
- 00:35:35,051 --> 00:35:37,762
- just to make your
- girlfriend happier...
- 700
- 00:35:38,304 --> 00:35:40,890
- I don't know, I guess most
- guys wouldn't do that.
- 701
- 00:35:41,057 --> 00:35:44,393
- Well, most guys don't have
- you to motivate them.
- 702
- 00:35:46,771 --> 00:35:49,523
- I know I'm not
- a talking teddy bear,
- 703
- 00:35:50,775 --> 00:35:53,611
- but at least you didn't have to
- make a magical wish to get me.
- 704
- 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:55,780
- How do you know?
- 705
- 00:36:06,916 --> 00:36:08,000
- Oh.
- 706
- 00:36:08,209 --> 00:36:10,002
- Is that a Flash Gordon
- ray gun,
- 707
- 00:36:10,086 --> 00:36:11,837
- or are you just
- happy to see me?
- 708
- 00:36:13,964 --> 00:36:15,174
- (ZAPPING)
- (LAUGHING)
- 709
- 00:36:19,345 --> 00:36:20,846
- There we go.
- 710
- 00:36:21,305 --> 00:36:25,142
- Thank you very much, please come again.
- We have a lot more groceries.
- 711
- 00:36:25,726 --> 00:36:26,769
- (SIGHS)
- 712
- 00:36:30,940 --> 00:36:32,692
- Hey, Ellen.
- 713
- 00:36:32,775 --> 00:36:33,776
- Yeah?
- 714
- 00:36:34,068 --> 00:36:35,111
- Who's that over there?
- 715
- 00:36:36,862 --> 00:36:38,197
- That's the
- new checkout girl.
- 716
- 00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:39,949
- Don't know her name.
- Seems cute.
- 717
- 00:36:40,116 --> 00:36:43,202
- Yeah, very cute. Do you know
- what I'd like to do to her?
- 718
- 00:36:43,369 --> 00:36:45,204
- Something I call
- a Dirty Fozzie.
- 719
- 00:37:01,804 --> 00:37:02,847
- (LAUGHING)
- 720
- 00:37:19,113 --> 00:37:21,615
- Okay, all right, so that's
- where we'll draw the line.
- 721
- 00:37:25,995 --> 00:37:27,580
- Hey, how are you
- holding up?
- 722
- 00:37:28,497 --> 00:37:31,792
- Oh, I'm all right. I'm just getting
- used to things, that's all.
- 723
- 00:37:32,293 --> 00:37:33,335
- It's going to be all right.
- 724
- 00:37:33,794 --> 00:37:36,881
- I actually went through something
- like this with my last boyfriend.
- 725
- 00:37:36,964 --> 00:37:38,382
- Really?
- Yeah.
- 726
- 00:37:39,133 --> 00:37:43,012
- We were together for eight
- months, and I really loved him.
- 727
- 00:37:43,179 --> 00:37:46,056
- And then he got
- deported back to Iran,
- 728
- 00:37:46,140 --> 00:37:47,600
- so I know what
- you're going through.
- 729
- 00:37:48,017 --> 00:37:52,354
- Oh, yeah. So, I guess we both
- lost our furry little guy.
- 730
- 00:37:53,022 --> 00:37:54,064
- We sure did.
- 731
- 00:37:54,690 --> 00:37:56,150
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- 732
- 00:37:59,695 --> 00:38:01,363
- Hey, Ted. Hey, Johnny,
- what are you doing?
- 733
- 00:38:01,447 --> 00:38:02,698
- You want to come over
- and catch a buzz?
- 734
- 00:38:03,199 --> 00:38:04,658
- Well, I could probably
- stop by after work.
- 735
- 00:38:04,742 --> 00:38:07,369
- Fuck that. I traded off yesterday
- so I got the other shift.
- 736
- 00:38:07,453 --> 00:38:10,039
- Come on, I'm bored as crap over here.
- Just swing by for a bit.
- 737
- 00:38:10,122 --> 00:38:11,707
- I cannot just
- ditch work, man.
- 738
- 00:38:11,832 --> 00:38:12,875
- Look, I'm trying to
- get my shit together
- 739
- 00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:14,752
- and be an adult here,
- for Lori's sake.
- 740
- 00:38:14,919 --> 00:38:17,171
- John, five minutes and then
- I'll kick you out, I promise.
- 741
- 00:38:17,254 --> 00:38:20,341
- Just come over. I got
- the Cheers DVD box set
- 742
- 00:38:20,424 --> 00:38:21,967
- and the guy down
- at the store told me
- 743
- 00:38:22,051 --> 00:38:24,428
- that everybody talks shit about
- each other in the interviews.
- 744
- 00:38:25,554 --> 00:38:26,639
- You'll kick me out
- in five?
- 745
- 00:38:26,722 --> 00:38:29,141
- I will kick you out in five.
- John, I have to kick you out.
- 746
- 00:38:29,225 --> 00:38:32,728
- I have so much teddy bear paperwork
- I have to get to, it is sick.
- 747
- 00:38:32,895 --> 00:38:34,271
- What do I tell Thomas?
- 748
- 00:38:34,355 --> 00:38:35,731
- <i>Just tell him you</i>
- <i>don't feel well.</i>
- 749
- 00:38:36,232 --> 00:38:37,983
- I gotta cut out for a bit.
- 750
- 00:38:38,067 --> 00:38:39,443
- Lori tried to
- break up a dog fight
- 751
- 00:38:39,527 --> 00:38:40,861
- and I guess she
- got hurt pretty bad.
- 752
- 00:38:41,153 --> 00:38:42,196
- Oh, my God!
- 753
- 00:38:42,279 --> 00:38:43,989
- Yeah, that's
- the way she is.
- 754
- 00:38:44,073 --> 00:38:45,533
- She sees trouble and
- she wants to help out,
- 755
- 00:38:45,616 --> 00:38:48,160
- and I guess one of these dogs
- clamped his jaws on her forearm
- 756
- 00:38:48,244 --> 00:38:49,995
- and wouldn't let go
- until the fireman showed up
- 757
- 00:38:50,079 --> 00:38:52,248
- and stuck his finger
- in his ass.
- 758
- 00:38:53,040 --> 00:38:54,041
- Oh, Jesus.
- 759
- 00:38:54,124 --> 00:38:55,417
- Yeah, she's
- pretty shook up.
- 760
- 00:38:55,709 --> 00:38:57,336
- Up the dog's ass, right?
- 761
- 00:38:57,419 --> 00:38:59,046
- Yeah, up the dog's,
- not the fireman's ass.
- 762
- 00:38:59,129 --> 00:39:01,549
- I thought the fireman stuck his
- own finger up his own ass.
- 763
- 00:39:01,632 --> 00:39:03,384
- No, I don't think a
- firefighter would do that.
- 764
- 00:39:03,467 --> 00:39:05,511
- Go, take care of it.
- Let me know how she is.
- 765
- 00:39:05,594 --> 00:39:07,096
- Thank you.
- Go.
- 766
- 00:39:08,764 --> 00:39:09,849
- (GROANS)
- 767
- 00:39:10,391 --> 00:39:14,103
- <i>Woody Harrelson. Smallest</i>
- <i>dick I've ever seen on a man.</i>
- 768
- 00:39:14,270 --> 00:39:15,437
- (BOTH LAUGHING)
- 769
- 00:39:16,480 --> 00:39:17,982
- See, that's why
- I watch these things.
- 770
- 00:39:18,065 --> 00:39:20,442
- That's like a cool behind-the-scenes
- thing that you wouldn't know.
- 771
- 00:39:20,776 --> 00:39:22,403
- Oh, hey,
- listen, try this.
- 772
- 00:39:22,486 --> 00:39:24,697
- I told my weed guy to step
- it up and he gave me that.
- 773
- 00:39:25,114 --> 00:39:26,156
- What is it?
- 774
- 00:39:26,240 --> 00:39:28,659
- It's called "Mind Rape."
- It's actually pretty mellow.
- 775
- 00:39:29,118 --> 00:39:30,369
- It doesn't sound
- very mellow.
- 776
- 00:39:30,452 --> 00:39:32,371
- Well, he only had
- three other batches.
- 777
- 00:39:32,454 --> 00:39:33,747
- "Gorilla Panic,"
- 778
- 00:39:33,831 --> 00:39:35,708
- "They're Coming,
- They're Coming,"
- 779
- 00:39:35,791 --> 00:39:37,585
- and something called,
- "This is Permanent."
- 780
- 00:39:37,668 --> 00:39:38,669
- Go on, spark it up.
- 781
- 00:39:44,091 --> 00:39:45,175
- (COUGHING)
- 782
- 00:39:45,801 --> 00:39:47,720
- There you go.
- You got it.
- 783
- 00:39:47,845 --> 00:39:48,929
- (LAUGHS)
- 784
- 00:39:49,013 --> 00:39:52,182
- Nice. Good, huh?
- Good job.
- 785
- 00:39:53,225 --> 00:39:55,227
- Yeah.
- Take pride in that.
- 786
- 00:39:55,728 --> 00:39:57,021
- You know,
- this place looks great.
- 787
- 00:39:57,146 --> 00:39:58,939
- Thanks, man,
- it's all IKEA.
- 788
- 00:39:59,023 --> 00:40:00,482
- Did the whole place
- for $47.
- 789
- 00:40:00,816 --> 00:40:02,401
- Nice.
- Yeah.
- 790
- 00:40:02,484 --> 00:40:03,944
- How are the neighbors?
- 791
- 00:40:04,486 --> 00:40:06,447
- You know, there's an Asian
- family living next door
- 792
- 00:40:06,530 --> 00:40:08,741
- but they don't have a gong or
- nothing, so it's not too bad.
- 793
- 00:40:08,824 --> 00:40:10,659
- That's lucky.
- Yeah, it is.
- 794
- 00:40:11,035 --> 00:40:12,703
- How's work?
- It sucks.
- 795
- 00:40:13,329 --> 00:40:14,288
- You?
- 796
- 00:40:14,371 --> 00:40:15,497
- You know,
- not bad actually.
- 797
- 00:40:15,581 --> 00:40:17,041
- I met a girl.
- She's a cashier.
- 798
- 00:40:17,207 --> 00:40:18,751
- No way, that's awesome! Yeah.
- 799
- 00:40:18,834 --> 00:40:20,502
- Well, we should fucking
- double-date, or something.
- 800
- 00:40:20,586 --> 00:40:22,212
- You, me and Lori,
- and what's her name?
- 801
- 00:40:22,296 --> 00:40:23,797
- White trash name.
- Guess.
- 802
- 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:26,342
- Mandy?
- No.
- 803
- 00:40:27,176 --> 00:40:28,344
- Marilyn?
- No.
- 804
- 00:40:28,510 --> 00:40:30,346
- Britney? Tiffany?
- No. No.
- 805
- 00:40:30,512 --> 00:40:31,597
- Candice?
- No.
- 806
- 00:40:31,680 --> 00:40:33,307
- Don't fuck with me on this.
- I know this shit!
- 807
- 00:40:33,432 --> 00:40:35,100
- Do you see me fucking with you?
- All right, speed round.
- 808
- 00:40:35,184 --> 00:40:36,393
- I'm going to
- rattle off some names
- 809
- 00:40:36,477 --> 00:40:37,603
- and when I hit it,
- fucking buzz it.
- 810
- 00:40:37,686 --> 00:40:38,896
- I will tell you.
- You got me?
- 811
- 00:40:39,063 --> 00:40:40,189
- All right,
- Brandi, Heather, Channing,
- 812
- 00:40:40,272 --> 00:40:41,482
- Breanna, Amber,
- Sabrina, Melody,
- 813
- 00:40:41,565 --> 00:40:42,733
- Dakota, Sierra,
- Bambi, Crystal,
- 814
- 00:40:42,900 --> 00:40:44,777
- Samantha, Autumn, Ruby,
- Taylor, Tara, Tami,
- 815
- 00:40:44,944 --> 00:40:47,196
- Lauren, Charlene, Chantal,
- Courtney, Misty, Jenny, Krista,
- 816
- 00:40:47,363 --> 00:40:49,156
- Mindy, Noelle, Shelby,
- Trina, Reba, Cassandra,
- 817
- 00:40:49,323 --> 00:40:50,908
- Nikki, Kelsey, Shawna,
- Jolene, Earline, Claudine,
- 818
- 00:40:51,075 --> 00:40:53,077
- Savannah, Kasey, Dolly, Kendra,
- Carla, Chloe, Devon, Emmylou.
- 819
- 00:40:53,243 --> 00:40:54,662
- Fucking Becky?
- No.
- 820
- 00:40:55,371 --> 00:40:57,873
- Wait, was it any one of those
- names with a "Lynn" after it?
- 821
- 00:40:58,082 --> 00:40:59,124
- Yes.
- 822
- 00:40:59,208 --> 00:41:00,417
- I got you, motherfucker.
- 823
- 00:41:00,542 --> 00:41:02,002
- I got you. Okay.
- 824
- 00:41:02,169 --> 00:41:03,796
- Brandi-Lynn, Heather-Lynn, Channing...
- Tami-Lynn.
- 825
- 00:41:03,879 --> 00:41:04,964
- Fuck!
- 826
- 00:41:08,509 --> 00:41:09,510
- What the hell?
- 827
- 00:41:09,593 --> 00:41:11,804
- Hey, man, you think you can
- open more than one register?
- 828
- 00:41:11,887 --> 00:41:13,514
- There's, like,
- 1,000 people here.
- 829
- 00:41:13,597 --> 00:41:15,808
- There's supposed to be
- three registers open.
- 830
- 00:41:15,891 --> 00:41:17,559
- For God's sakes.
- 831
- 00:41:22,481 --> 00:41:23,732
- (WOMAN MOANING)
- 832
- 00:41:25,985 --> 00:41:27,194
- (TED GRUNTING)
- 833
- 00:41:30,906 --> 00:41:33,575
- TED: Stick your finger
- in the loop of my tag.
- 834
- 00:41:34,410 --> 00:41:36,996
- You had sexual intercourse
- with a co-worker
- 835
- 00:41:37,079 --> 00:41:39,915
- on top of the produce
- that we sell to the public.
- 836
- 00:41:40,082 --> 00:41:42,334
- I fucked her with
- a parsnip last week
- 837
- 00:41:42,418 --> 00:41:45,796
- and I sold the parsnip to a
- family with four small children.
- 838
- 00:41:46,588 --> 00:41:50,217
- That took guts.
- We need guts.
- 839
- 00:41:50,384 --> 00:41:52,094
- I'm promoting you.
- 840
- 00:41:52,761 --> 00:41:54,930
- You got a lot of problems,
- don't you?
- 841
- 00:42:08,360 --> 00:42:09,486
- All right, Kareem!
- 842
- 00:42:09,570 --> 00:42:10,654
- (GLASS SHATTERING)
- 843
- 00:42:10,738 --> 00:42:12,614
- Ah! You suck, Kareem.
- 844
- 00:42:15,325 --> 00:42:16,702
- (BOTTLE TINKLING)
- 845
- 00:42:19,163 --> 00:42:20,497
- Hello?
- 846
- 00:42:24,376 --> 00:42:25,461
- Huh.
- 847
- 00:42:29,006 --> 00:42:30,466
- Hey, Ted.
- (EXCLAIMS)
- 848
- 00:42:32,509 --> 00:42:34,470
- Hey there, fella.
- How are you?
- 849
- 00:42:35,387 --> 00:42:36,847
- Are you out here
- all alone?
- 850
- 00:42:37,139 --> 00:42:39,141
- Uh, no, no, I'm not.
- 851
- 00:42:39,850 --> 00:42:42,227
- You know, you're never alone
- when you're with Christ.
- 852
- 00:42:42,311 --> 00:42:44,605
- So, no, I'm not alone.
- 853
- 00:42:44,688 --> 00:42:47,524
- Yeah. Me, too.
- 854
- 00:42:50,611 --> 00:42:53,822
- You know, Robert and I could
- give you a very, very good home.
- 855
- 00:42:53,989 --> 00:42:56,200
- Yeah, I'm pretty happy
- where I am.
- 856
- 00:42:56,283 --> 00:42:57,659
- I just got
- a shitty new apartment...
- 857
- 00:42:57,826 --> 00:43:00,621
- I can offer you
- $6,000 in rail road bonds.
- 858
- 00:43:01,288 --> 00:43:03,207
- Well, you know,
- since I just returned
- 859
- 00:43:03,290 --> 00:43:05,000
- from active duty
- in the Civil War
- 860
- 00:43:05,084 --> 00:43:06,460
- that actually
- sounds very appealing.
- 861
- 00:43:06,543 --> 00:43:07,753
- Oh, wait, I'm sorry.
- 862
- 00:43:07,836 --> 00:43:11,006
- That was 150 years ago
- and I don't give a shit.
- 863
- 00:43:11,507 --> 00:43:12,716
- Okay.
- 864
- 00:43:15,135 --> 00:43:17,846
- Teddy, come on, we're going to be
- late for dinner with your friends.
- 865
- 00:43:17,930 --> 00:43:19,431
- Okay, be there
- in a second, baby.
- 866
- 00:43:19,515 --> 00:43:21,767
- As you can see, my dance
- card is quite full.
- 867
- 00:43:21,850 --> 00:43:23,519
- So, I'm going to
- have to decline.
- 868
- 00:43:23,685 --> 00:43:24,978
- Can I just get a hug?
- 869
- 00:43:25,354 --> 00:43:27,314
- Oh, uh. No.
- 870
- 00:43:27,481 --> 00:43:29,024
- Yeah.
- No, no.
- 871
- 00:43:29,191 --> 00:43:32,194
- And it kills me to have to tell you
- no, because I'm a people pleaser.
- 872
- 00:43:32,361 --> 00:43:33,445
- Yeah.
- 873
- 00:43:33,612 --> 00:43:35,489
- Thank you for
- creeping up my night.
- 874
- 00:43:35,656 --> 00:43:37,282
- And Jesus be with you...
- Okay.
- 875
- 00:43:37,366 --> 00:43:38,367
- ...In Christ.
- 876
- 00:43:39,993 --> 00:43:41,370
- TAMI-LYNN:
- Who was that guy?
- 877
- 00:43:41,453 --> 00:43:43,163
- That was
- Sinead O'Connor.
- 878
- 00:43:43,247 --> 00:43:44,540
- She don't look
- so good no more.
- 879
- 00:43:49,545 --> 00:43:51,505
- How great is this? The
- four of us out to dinner.
- 880
- 00:43:51,588 --> 00:43:53,382
- How long have we been saying
- we were going to...
- 881
- 00:43:53,549 --> 00:43:56,260
- Lori, how you doing? I haven't
- talked to you in forever.
- 882
- 00:43:56,343 --> 00:43:58,137
- I'm good. I'm good.
- 883
- 00:43:58,220 --> 00:44:00,806
- The company's having their 20th
- anniversary party next week.
- 884
- 00:44:00,889 --> 00:44:02,474
- So, that's something.
- 885
- 00:44:02,766 --> 00:44:04,852
- Lori's a senior VP
- at a big, huge PR firm.
- 886
- 00:44:04,935 --> 00:44:06,687
- It's not that
- big of a deal.
- 887
- 00:44:06,770 --> 00:44:07,980
- Company's turning 20, huh?
- 888
- 00:44:08,063 --> 00:44:10,107
- So you can bang it,
- but you can't get it drunk.
- 889
- 00:44:10,649 --> 00:44:13,068
- (LAUGHING) Right?
- Yeah, she gets it.
- 890
- 00:44:13,152 --> 00:44:15,529
- She enjoys my humor.
- 891
- 00:44:16,113 --> 00:44:18,115
- Yeah, Rex is having
- a house party
- 892
- 00:44:18,240 --> 00:44:20,534
- but I'm surprised John
- didn't tell you, considering
- 893
- 00:44:20,617 --> 00:44:23,495
- you two have seen each other every
- single day since you moved out.
- 894
- 00:44:24,163 --> 00:44:27,416
- You know, it's funny, because
- whenever Johnny and I hang out
- 895
- 00:44:27,499 --> 00:44:29,751
- the first item
- on our agenda is,
- 896
- 00:44:29,835 --> 00:44:31,044
- "What's going on
- with Lori?"
- 897
- 00:44:31,211 --> 00:44:33,255
- So, it's funny that
- that didn't come up.
- 898
- 00:44:33,338 --> 00:44:34,464
- That must have
- slipped through the cracks.
- 899
- 00:44:34,548 --> 00:44:36,008
- Yeah, but we do talk
- about you all the time.
- 900
- 00:44:36,091 --> 00:44:37,885
- Yeah, you remember the
- other day, I was saying
- 901
- 00:44:37,968 --> 00:44:40,387
- how great Lori's
- hair always looks.
- 902
- 00:44:40,679 --> 00:44:42,639
- Oh, my God,
- it always looks so great!
- 903
- 00:44:42,723 --> 00:44:44,600
- I always want to
- fucking brush it.
- 904
- 00:44:44,683 --> 00:44:45,893
- Right, Johnny?
- I say that.
- 905
- 00:44:48,812 --> 00:44:50,314
- So, Tami-Lynn,
- 906
- 00:44:50,397 --> 00:44:52,733
- why don't you tell us
- a little bit about yourself?
- 907
- 00:44:52,816 --> 00:44:53,942
- Like, where are you from?
- 908
- 00:44:54,026 --> 00:44:56,695
- I'm always fascinated
- to meet Ted's girlfriends.
- 909
- 00:44:57,112 --> 00:44:58,697
- What do you
- mean "girlfriends"?
- 910
- 00:44:58,780 --> 00:45:00,449
- Was there a lot of them
- or something?
- 911
- 00:45:00,616 --> 00:45:02,993
- No, that's not what she meant at all.
- Right, Lori?
- 912
- 00:45:03,118 --> 00:45:04,453
- Lori, you didn't mean that.
- No, no,no.
- 913
- 00:45:04,828 --> 00:45:06,622
- What I meant to say
- was Ted's very handsome
- 914
- 00:45:06,997 --> 00:45:08,624
- so I'm always
- interested in meeting
- 915
- 00:45:08,707 --> 00:45:10,542
- the lady that
- can snatch him up.
- 916
- 00:45:11,168 --> 00:45:12,377
- Did you just
- call me a whore?
- 917
- 00:45:12,461 --> 00:45:13,462
- What?
- 918
- 00:45:13,629 --> 00:45:16,006
- You just worry about your own
- "snatch." How about that, honey?
- 919
- 00:45:16,089 --> 00:45:17,090
- Whoa! Whoa!
- JOHN: Whoa!
- 920
- 00:45:17,174 --> 00:45:19,092
- What the hell happened? We're
- having a friendly meal here.
- 921
- 00:45:19,176 --> 00:45:20,260
- This was a nice evening.
- 922
- 00:45:20,344 --> 00:45:21,386
- Don't talk shit to me.
- 923
- 00:45:21,553 --> 00:45:22,930
- I just asked you
- a question.
- 924
- 00:45:23,013 --> 00:45:24,473
- You know,
- you're a freaking snob.
- 925
- 00:45:24,640 --> 00:45:25,891
- You think you're
- cool because you work
- 926
- 00:45:25,974 --> 00:45:27,601
- at some fucking fancy
- shit place, whatever.
- 927
- 00:45:27,684 --> 00:45:29,811
- Okay, take it easy.
- Nice, Lori, real nice.
- 928
- 00:45:29,895 --> 00:45:32,147
- Me? It's not my fault
- she can't speak English.
- 929
- 00:45:32,231 --> 00:45:33,357
- Oh, fuck you!
- 930
- 00:45:33,440 --> 00:45:35,609
- Just because you're on the business
- world and shit you think, what,
- 931
- 00:45:35,692 --> 00:45:37,319
- everybody should suck your
- asshole, or something?
- 932
- 00:45:37,444 --> 00:45:39,738
- Okay. All right, Tami, come on, honey.
- Let's get out of here.
- 933
- 00:45:39,821 --> 00:45:42,115
- We'll go back to my place for a
- couple of vodka and strawberry Quiks.
- 934
- 00:45:42,199 --> 00:45:43,951
- You know what?
- I gave birth once, bitch.
- 935
- 00:45:44,034 --> 00:45:45,327
- I could kick
- your fucking ass.
- 936
- 00:45:45,619 --> 00:45:47,704
- And you better never show your
- face around Quincy, you hear me?
- 937
- 00:45:47,788 --> 00:45:48,956
- Okay, come on.
- Ever!
- 938
- 00:45:49,039 --> 00:45:50,666
- I didn't know you had a baby.
- Is it alive?
- 939
- 00:45:50,958 --> 00:45:52,042
- (SIGHS)
- 940
- 00:45:52,501 --> 00:45:53,669
- What a cunt.
- 941
- 00:45:53,835 --> 00:45:55,462
- Ow! I hate that word!
- 942
- 00:45:55,545 --> 00:45:56,630
- What?
- That word.
- 943
- 00:45:56,713 --> 00:45:58,215
- It's so sharp,
- it's like an electric sword
- 944
- 00:45:58,298 --> 00:45:59,424
- slashing
- everything in its path.
- 945
- 00:45:59,508 --> 00:46:00,759
- Why would you say that?
- 946
- 00:46:00,842 --> 00:46:02,636
- You didn't exactly
- stand up for me.
- 947
- 00:46:02,844 --> 00:46:04,346
- I'm trying to
- walk a line, here.
- 948
- 00:46:04,429 --> 00:46:05,722
- I want to be fair to you
- and to him, you know?
- 949
- 00:46:05,806 --> 00:46:07,641
- I think you're being a
- little more fair to him.
- 950
- 00:46:07,724 --> 00:46:08,850
- Oh, come on.
- 951
- 00:46:09,977 --> 00:46:13,355
- You know, your boss called this
- morning asking me how my arm was.
- 952
- 00:46:14,231 --> 00:46:15,232
- Huh?
- 953
- 00:46:15,357 --> 00:46:18,527
- Yeah, because of that dog fight
- that I tried to break up.
- 954
- 00:46:19,278 --> 00:46:20,362
- Oh.
- 955
- 00:46:20,779 --> 00:46:21,947
- If I had to make a guess
- 956
- 00:46:22,030 --> 00:46:24,241
- I would say that you made
- up some bullshit excuse
- 957
- 00:46:24,324 --> 00:46:25,701
- to get out of work
- to go to Ted's.
- 958
- 00:46:25,784 --> 00:46:28,161
- Now, am I right?
- 959
- 00:46:29,705 --> 00:46:30,872
- I made you out to
- be a hero.
- 960
- 00:46:30,956 --> 00:46:32,291
- You know what, John,
- we asked Ted to move out
- 961
- 00:46:32,374 --> 00:46:33,917
- so we can give ourselves
- a chance without him.
- 962
- 00:46:34,167 --> 00:46:36,044
- You're not giving
- anything a chance
- 963
- 00:46:36,169 --> 00:46:38,714
- if you keep blowing off work to
- get high with your teddy bear.
- 964
- 00:46:40,090 --> 00:46:41,717
- You're right.
- 965
- 00:46:42,426 --> 00:46:44,511
- I've been getting stoned too much.
- I know that.
- 966
- 00:46:44,678 --> 00:46:47,931
- I've been bumming around with Ted too much.
- I know that, too.
- 967
- 00:46:48,015 --> 00:46:50,267
- You give me one more chance,
- I promise I can fix it.
- 968
- 00:46:51,351 --> 00:46:54,980
- John, I need a man. Not a
- little boy with a teddy bear.
- 969
- 00:46:55,063 --> 00:46:58,317
- I know, done. Man. Right here,
- in front of you, all right?
- 970
- 00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,986
- Look at these pecs.
- These are man pecs.
- 971
- 00:47:01,069 --> 00:47:03,530
- Look at the hair on my upper lip.
- That's man hair.
- 972
- 00:47:04,614 --> 00:47:06,575
- I just farted.
- That was a man fart.
- 973
- 00:47:06,658 --> 00:47:07,701
- (GIGGLES)
- 974
- 00:47:13,749 --> 00:47:18,128
- Fine, John, but this is, I swear
- to God, your last chance.
- 975
- 00:47:18,587 --> 00:47:19,921
- Trust me. I love you.
- 976
- 00:47:20,255 --> 00:47:21,590
- All right, I love you.
- 977
- 00:47:21,757 --> 00:47:23,967
- I love you so much. You
- won't be sorry, I swear.
- 978
- 00:47:24,926 --> 00:47:26,261
- Did you really just fart?
- 979
- 00:47:26,428 --> 00:47:28,513
- Yeah, but I pushed it
- that way with my hand.
- 980
- 00:47:29,431 --> 00:47:31,224
- I wonder who it's
- going to hit first.
- 981
- 00:47:31,308 --> 00:47:33,143
- So, if I told him once,
- I told him a million times
- 982
- 00:47:33,268 --> 00:47:36,104
- these numbers do not add up.
- (GAGGING)
- 983
- 00:47:36,188 --> 00:47:38,065
- Who did this to us?
- 984
- 00:47:38,148 --> 00:47:41,568
- God damn it!
- I'm here on business!
- 985
- 00:47:42,110 --> 00:47:43,236
- (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)
- 986
- 00:47:45,655 --> 00:47:47,324
- LORI: All right,
- here we go.
- 987
- 00:47:47,616 --> 00:47:48,784
- (DOORBELL RINGING)
- 988
- 00:47:50,619 --> 00:47:52,037
- I'm really glad
- that you came.
- 989
- 00:47:52,120 --> 00:47:53,372
- Me, too.
- Yeah?
- 990
- 00:47:53,455 --> 00:47:55,499
- Is it okay if I
- kick your boss's ass?
- 991
- 00:47:55,582 --> 00:47:57,542
- That won't affect your
- workplace chemistry, will it?
- 992
- 00:47:57,626 --> 00:47:59,211
- Please play nice.
- 993
- 00:47:59,294 --> 00:48:00,462
- For you, I will.
- 994
- 00:48:00,545 --> 00:48:02,005
- Thank you.
- Anything.
- 995
- 00:48:04,758 --> 00:48:07,427
- There she is. I was worried
- you weren't coming.
- 996
- 00:48:07,511 --> 00:48:09,930
- Hey, squirt, how you doing?
- Where's your bunny rabbit?
- 997
- 00:48:10,430 --> 00:48:11,431
- He's a bear.
- 998
- 00:48:11,515 --> 00:48:14,935
- Got it. Oh, my God! This
- house is fucking huge!
- 999
- 00:48:15,018 --> 00:48:17,479
- I know. Try not to get lost.
- Come on in.
- 1000
- 00:48:17,938 --> 00:48:19,439
- (PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC)
- 1001
- 00:48:28,907 --> 00:48:30,992
- Wow! Here
- are the ladies.
- 1002
- 00:48:31,159 --> 00:48:33,995
- Look at you guys.
- You guys look amazing.
- 1003
- 00:48:34,162 --> 00:48:36,206
- A little heavy on the eye
- makeup, but pretty good.
- 1004
- 00:48:36,373 --> 00:48:37,457
- Thank you, Rex.
- Thank you.
- 1005
- 00:48:37,541 --> 00:48:38,583
- You guys know
- Lori and Jim, right?
- 1006
- 00:48:38,667 --> 00:48:39,709
- John.
- 1007
- 00:48:39,793 --> 00:48:41,086
- You guys remember John.
- WOMEN: Hi.
- 1008
- 00:48:41,336 --> 00:48:45,382
- Listen, why don't John and I
- go get a drink at the bar?
- 1009
- 00:48:46,007 --> 00:48:47,050
- Sure.
- 1010
- 00:48:47,134 --> 00:48:49,594
- Great, we'll be right back.
- Come on, buddy.
- 1011
- 00:48:51,012 --> 00:48:52,848
- It's an old sweater, huh?
- 1012
- 00:48:53,890 --> 00:48:55,934
- This is Wade Boggs'
- autographed bat.
- 1013
- 00:48:56,017 --> 00:48:58,645
- I just barely outbid Phil
- Donahue for that at auction.
- 1014
- 00:48:58,728 --> 00:48:59,771
- Wow, cool.
- 1015
- 00:48:59,855 --> 00:49:01,815
- Yeah, cool.
- 1016
- 00:49:01,898 --> 00:49:05,026
- These boxing gloves were worn by
- Joe Louis in his first fight.
- 1017
- 00:49:06,069 --> 00:49:08,113
- This is art.
- Get it?
- 1018
- 00:49:10,866 --> 00:49:12,617
- These were
- John Lennon's glasses.
- 1019
- 00:49:12,701 --> 00:49:14,494
- They're worth,
- like, a million dollars.
- 1020
- 00:49:14,578 --> 00:49:16,079
- That's me
- and Tom Skerritt.
- 1021
- 00:49:16,371 --> 00:49:17,330
- Oh.
- 1022
- 00:49:17,414 --> 00:49:18,874
- Check this out.
- 1023
- 00:49:20,041 --> 00:49:22,210
- It's Lance Armstrong's nut.
- 1024
- 00:49:22,294 --> 00:49:24,045
- I had it
- freeze-dried and bronzed.
- 1025
- 00:49:24,713 --> 00:49:26,173
- Every now and then
- when my life's
- 1026
- 00:49:26,256 --> 00:49:28,467
- getting me down
- and things are tough,
- 1027
- 00:49:28,633 --> 00:49:31,595
- I just come up here
- and I look at it.
- 1028
- 00:49:32,888 --> 00:49:36,433
- And it reminds me that
- things aren't so bad.
- 1029
- 00:49:38,310 --> 00:49:40,270
- Sometimes you feel
- like a nut.
- 1030
- 00:49:41,229 --> 00:49:42,856
- Sometimes you don't.
- 1031
- 00:49:44,524 --> 00:49:48,153
- So, talk to me, Johnny Quest. How
- are things with you and Lori?
- 1032
- 00:49:48,236 --> 00:49:49,738
- Things are great,
- actually.
- 1033
- 00:49:49,821 --> 00:49:52,073
- That's great.
- That is great.
- 1034
- 00:49:53,492 --> 00:49:56,119
- You know, Lori would
- hate me for saying this,
- 1035
- 00:49:56,203 --> 00:49:58,413
- but she told me how
- you are at the office.
- 1036
- 00:49:58,580 --> 00:50:00,248
- And, as one gentleman to
- another, I just want to say
- 1037
- 00:50:00,332 --> 00:50:02,584
- I really hope you fucking
- get Lou Gehrig's disease.
- 1038
- 00:50:02,834 --> 00:50:03,960
- (CHUCKLES)
- 1039
- 00:50:04,586 --> 00:50:06,004
- (STAMMERS)
- 1040
- 00:50:06,087 --> 00:50:08,423
- I think I need to clear
- the air here a little.
- 1041
- 00:50:08,590 --> 00:50:11,760
- Yeah, I'm kind of a
- fun-time boss and what-not.
- 1042
- 00:50:11,927 --> 00:50:14,846
- But, look, man, I do that
- with everybody at the office.
- 1043
- 00:50:14,930 --> 00:50:16,097
- I'm a kook.
- 1044
- 00:50:16,181 --> 00:50:18,225
- I have no designs
- on your girlfriend.
- 1045
- 00:50:18,308 --> 00:50:20,352
- We work together,
- and that's it.
- 1046
- 00:50:20,477 --> 00:50:24,272
- I think you're a great guy
- and she's a very lucky girl.
- 1047
- 00:50:25,941 --> 00:50:27,234
- Well, that's good to hear.
- 1048
- 00:50:27,317 --> 00:50:28,527
- Yeah.
- 1049
- 00:50:28,652 --> 00:50:29,945
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- 1050
- 00:50:30,487 --> 00:50:31,530
- Excuse me.
- 1051
- 00:50:32,405 --> 00:50:33,406
- Hey, Ted.
- 1052
- 00:50:33,490 --> 00:50:35,700
- <i>TED: Johnny, where are you? You</i>
- <i>got to get over here, man.</i>
- 1053
- 00:50:35,784 --> 00:50:36,785
- Why, what's going on?
- 1054
- 00:50:36,868 --> 00:50:38,203
- Okay, so I'm having
- a little impromptu thing
- 1055
- 00:50:38,286 --> 00:50:39,621
- with some people
- at my apartment.
- 1056
- 00:50:39,704 --> 00:50:41,998
- And, John,
- Sam Jones is here.
- 1057
- 00:50:42,415 --> 00:50:43,416
- What?
- 1058
- 00:50:43,500 --> 00:50:46,503
- <i>Sam Jones.</i>
- <i>Flash-fucking-Gordon is here.</i>
- 1059
- 00:50:46,586 --> 00:50:47,754
- Holy shit! What?
- 1060
- 00:50:47,837 --> 00:50:50,382
- You remember I said my buddy's
- cousin is friends with Sam Jones?
- 1061
- 00:50:50,465 --> 00:50:51,883
- My buddy's in town
- with his cousin,
- 1062
- 00:50:51,967 --> 00:50:53,802
- and who do you think is with him?
- Sam Jones.
- 1063
- 00:50:53,969 --> 00:50:56,471
- <i>Sam Jones is here,</i>
- <i>and, John,</i>
- 1064
- 00:50:56,555 --> 00:50:59,140
- <i>(WHISPERS) his hair is</i>
- <i>parted down the middle.</i>
- 1065
- 00:50:59,641 --> 00:51:00,934
- Just like in the movie.
- 1066
- 00:51:01,017 --> 00:51:03,436
- <i>Yes. Get over here</i>
- <i>right now.</i>
- 1067
- 00:51:03,603 --> 00:51:04,854
- Fuck, I can%!
- 1068
- 00:51:04,938 --> 00:51:06,815
- I'm with Lori here.
- I'm already on probation.
- 1069
- 00:51:09,150 --> 00:51:10,277
- I can't.
- 1070
- 00:51:10,360 --> 00:51:13,738
- John, Flash Gordon was the most important
- influence of our formative years.
- 1071
- 00:51:13,822 --> 00:51:16,199
- He taught us right from
- wrong, good from evil.
- 1072
- 00:51:16,283 --> 00:51:18,076
- And that the word
- "acting" apparently
- 1073
- 00:51:18,159 --> 00:51:19,911
- has an extremely
- broad definition.
- 1074
- 00:51:20,078 --> 00:51:23,290
- <i>Flash Gordon is the symbol</i>
- <i>of our friendship, John.</i>
- 1075
- 00:51:23,373 --> 00:51:25,500
- <i>Come share this with me.</i>
- 1076
- 00:51:26,459 --> 00:51:27,752
- I'm coming.
- 1077
- 00:51:28,295 --> 00:51:30,171
- Rex, I got to go.
- 1078
- 00:51:30,964 --> 00:51:33,216
- I'll be back in 30 minutes
- tops, okay?
- 1079
- 00:51:33,300 --> 00:51:35,844
- But Lori cannot find out. She
- absolutely cannot know I was gone.
- 1080
- 00:51:36,344 --> 00:51:39,055
- If you can cover for me, I'm
- cool with all that other shit.
- 1081
- 00:51:39,681 --> 00:51:42,058
- I got your back on this. She won't know.
- I've been there.
- 1082
- 00:51:42,225 --> 00:51:43,768
- All right, this is
- one man to another.
- 1083
- 00:51:43,852 --> 00:51:45,937
- I don't really know you, but
- I'm trusting you, as a man.
- 1084
- 00:51:46,021 --> 00:51:47,063
- This is serious.
- 1085
- 00:51:47,355 --> 00:51:51,109
- Dude, one man to another.
- I got you on this.
- 1086
- 00:51:51,276 --> 00:51:53,361
- Thank you.
- I'll be back.
- 1087
- 00:51:54,863 --> 00:51:56,906
- I'm going to have sex
- with your girlfriend.
- 1088
- 00:52:06,875 --> 00:52:08,126
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- 1089
- 00:52:38,573 --> 00:52:40,367
- Johnny, thank Christ
- you made it.
- 1090
- 00:52:40,533 --> 00:52:42,160
- Dude, I got 10 minutes.
- Where's Flash Gordon?
- 1091
- 00:52:42,243 --> 00:52:43,244
- Okay, get ready.
- 1092
- 00:52:43,328 --> 00:52:45,747
- Hey, Sam, this is the guy
- I was telling you about.
- 1093
- 00:52:46,706 --> 00:52:48,083
- (THEME SONG PLAYING)
- 1094
- 00:52:53,254 --> 00:52:54,255
- <i>(SINGING) Flash!</i>
- 1095
- 00:52:54,881 --> 00:52:56,257
- <i>A-ah!</i>
- 1096
- 00:52:56,966 --> 00:52:58,593
- <i>Savior of the universe!</i>
- 1097
- 00:53:06,601 --> 00:53:07,602
- <i>Flash!</i>
- 1098
- 00:53:08,103 --> 00:53:09,270
- <i>A-ah!</i>
- 1099
- 00:53:09,938 --> 00:53:11,439
- <i>He'll save every one of us!</i>
- 1100
- 00:53:14,943 --> 00:53:18,988
- <i>Just a man</i>
- <i>with a man's courage</i>
- 1101
- 00:53:20,281 --> 00:53:23,201
- <i>He knows nothing but a man</i>
- 1102
- 00:53:23,993 --> 00:53:26,329
- <i>But he can never fail</i>
- 1103
- 00:53:28,123 --> 00:53:33,461
- <i>No one but the pure in heart</i>
- <i>Can find the golden grail</i>
- 1104
- 00:53:47,016 --> 00:53:48,643
- How you doing?
- Good to meet you.
- 1105
- 00:53:50,019 --> 00:53:52,188
- I thank you for
- saving every one of us.
- 1106
- 00:53:52,272 --> 00:53:53,314
- Well, you're welcome.
- 1107
- 00:53:53,690 --> 00:53:55,024
- (SQUEALS EXCITEDLY)
- He acknowledged it.
- 1108
- 00:53:55,191 --> 00:53:56,234
- Let's do some shots.
- 1109
- 00:53:56,317 --> 00:53:57,360
- With you?
- 1110
- 00:53:57,527 --> 00:53:59,529
- Ch, my God, yes!
- Ch, my God, yes!
- 1111
- 00:53:59,612 --> 00:54:00,655
- Let's go!
- 1112
- 00:54:04,576 --> 00:54:05,618
- Thanks, Flash.
- 1113
- 00:54:05,702 --> 00:54:07,328
- There you go, my friend.
- Thank you.
- 1114
- 00:54:07,537 --> 00:54:09,372
- Death to Ming!
- 1115
- 00:54:09,873 --> 00:54:11,040
- Yes!
- 1116
- 00:54:13,835 --> 00:54:15,378
- You know,
- you guys seem pretty cool.
- 1117
- 00:54:15,545 --> 00:54:17,046
- You like to party?
- 1118
- 00:54:18,631 --> 00:54:19,674
- Uh...
- 1119
- 00:54:19,799 --> 00:54:20,800
- Cocaine, right?
- 1120
- 00:54:20,884 --> 00:54:23,678
- Come on, dudes. Don't tell
- me you never done it before.
- 1121
- 00:54:24,220 --> 00:54:26,389
- Not recently, no.
- 1122
- 00:54:26,556 --> 00:54:28,308
- I thought that was just
- for people in Florida.
- 1123
- 00:54:28,475 --> 00:54:29,684
- You better follow me.
- 1124
- 00:54:29,851 --> 00:54:30,977
- Come on.
- 1125
- 00:54:31,060 --> 00:54:32,687
- Johnny, I'm frightened.
- 1126
- 00:54:33,062 --> 00:54:34,314
- (ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)
- 1127
- 00:54:41,571 --> 00:54:44,199
- We are going to
- party like the '80s.
- 1128
- 00:54:44,282 --> 00:54:45,450
- Show us how, Flash.
- 1129
- 00:54:45,533 --> 00:54:46,785
- It's easy.
- 1130
- 00:54:46,868 --> 00:54:49,245
- We just gotta nail a lot
- of girls named Stephanie.
- 1131
- 00:54:49,329 --> 00:54:51,331
- God, Johnny,
- I got so much energy.
- 1132
- 00:54:51,414 --> 00:54:53,208
- We better start
- doing stupid shit.
- 1133
- 00:54:53,625 --> 00:54:54,834
- (SINGING)
- 1134
- 00:55:01,758 --> 00:55:03,051
- Look, Johnny,
- if we're ever going to
- 1135
- 00:55:03,134 --> 00:55:04,344
- get serious about
- opening a restaurant
- 1136
- 00:55:04,427 --> 00:55:05,428
- we got to start
- planning it now.
- 1137
- 00:55:05,512 --> 00:55:06,721
- Italian.
- Italian, yes.
- 1138
- 00:55:06,763 --> 00:55:08,473
- What's the special on Tuesdays?
- Eggplant parm.
- 1139
- 00:55:08,556 --> 00:55:09,599
- Chopped salad, half price.
- 1140
- 00:55:09,682 --> 00:55:10,850
- And it's
- a non-restricted place.
- 1141
- 00:55:10,934 --> 00:55:12,811
- Yeah. What do you mean?
- Anybody can come.
- 1142
- 00:55:12,894 --> 00:55:14,312
- Of course.
- Jews are welcome.
- 1143
- 00:55:14,395 --> 00:55:15,480
- Well, yeah.
- Why wouldn't they be?
- 1144
- 00:55:15,563 --> 00:55:16,648
- Exactly,
- that's what I'm saying.
- 1145
- 00:55:16,731 --> 00:55:17,816
- Why even bring that up?
- 1146
- 00:55:17,899 --> 00:55:19,108
- You don't bring it up,
- you just let them in.
- 1147
- 00:55:19,192 --> 00:55:20,652
- Why mention it?
- No one will.
- 1148
- 00:55:20,735 --> 00:55:21,778
- Why are we
- talking about it?
- 1149
- 00:55:21,861 --> 00:55:23,321
- You're talking about it. I'm
- just saying, let them in.
- 1150
- 00:55:23,404 --> 00:55:25,240
- Let them in. Right. Okay.
- Exactly. Good.
- 1151
- 00:55:25,323 --> 00:55:26,324
- No Mexicans, though.
- 1152
- 00:55:26,574 --> 00:55:27,742
- (SINGING)
- 1153
- 00:55:29,410 --> 00:55:31,287
- This is how everybody
- sang in the '90s.
- 1154
- 00:55:31,412 --> 00:55:32,705
- (SINGING)
- 1155
- 00:55:43,091 --> 00:55:45,134
- Trust me, I can do this.
- Shut up.
- 1156
- 00:55:45,301 --> 00:55:46,469
- Let him try it, man.
- 1157
- 00:55:46,594 --> 00:55:47,804
- All right, fuck it.
- 1158
- 00:55:49,931 --> 00:55:51,057
- (GUESTS CHEERING)
- 1159
- 00:55:51,307 --> 00:55:53,268
- ALL: Go, go, go!
- 1160
- 00:55:57,939 --> 00:55:59,107
- (SCREAMING)
- 1161
- 00:56:01,776 --> 00:56:03,111
- You son of a bitch!
- 1162
- 00:56:03,194 --> 00:56:05,363
- Well, you never should have trusted me.
- I'm on drugs.
- 1163
- 00:56:05,780 --> 00:56:07,115
- (SINGING)
- 1164
- 00:56:14,289 --> 00:56:16,124
- Hey, Johnny,
- I just had a great idea.
- 1165
- 00:56:16,207 --> 00:56:18,626
- Let's go get drunk and puke
- on cars from the overpass.
- 1166
- 00:56:18,710 --> 00:56:21,796
- Come on, I do not sound
- that much like Peter Griffin.
- 1167
- 00:56:22,046 --> 00:56:23,256
- (SINGING)
- 1168
- 00:56:24,757 --> 00:56:26,885
- You can do any '90s
- song with just vowels.
- 1169
- 00:56:26,968 --> 00:56:28,595
- (SINGING)
- 1170
- 00:56:33,933 --> 00:56:37,103
- A-E-I-O-U
- 1171
- 00:56:39,314 --> 00:56:42,483
- See? There, proof. Garfield's
- eyes look like a pair of tits.
- 1172
- 00:56:42,567 --> 00:56:43,568
- You were right.
- 1173
- 00:56:43,651 --> 00:56:46,237
- If you can punch through this wall,
- you really are Flash Gordon.
- 1174
- 00:56:46,404 --> 00:56:47,447
- Are you going to do it?
- 1175
- 00:56:47,530 --> 00:56:48,531
- I'm going to
- punch through it.
- 1176
- 00:56:48,698 --> 00:56:49,991
- Come on, Sam, do it!
- Do it!
- 1177
- 00:56:50,992 --> 00:56:52,994
- (PLASTER SMASHING)
- Oh, my God!
- 1178
- 00:56:54,412 --> 00:56:55,747
- Yes! He did it!
- 1179
- 00:56:56,080 --> 00:56:57,081
- (SHOUTING IN CANTONESE)
- 1180
- 00:56:57,165 --> 00:56:58,207
- What the hell you problem?
- 1181
- 00:56:58,374 --> 00:57:01,002
- You break my wall!
- I break you wall!
- 1182
- 00:57:01,085 --> 00:57:02,420
- (WOMEN EXCLAIMING)
- 1183
- 00:57:02,503 --> 00:57:03,838
- (SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY)
- 1184
- 00:57:05,465 --> 00:57:06,466
- Break his arm off!
- 1185
- 00:57:06,549 --> 00:57:08,343
- We're going to die.
- We're all going to die.
- 1186
- 00:57:08,468 --> 00:57:09,928
- Break this up,
- break this up.
- 1187
- 00:57:10,011 --> 00:57:11,012
- Get him!
- 1188
- 00:57:11,179 --> 00:57:12,138
- (YELLING)
- 1189
- 00:57:12,221 --> 00:57:15,099
- MING: You break my wall!
- This my home long time.
- 1190
- 00:57:15,183 --> 00:57:16,976
- You break my wall,
- you bastard men.
- 1191
- 00:57:17,060 --> 00:57:18,436
- We're sorry,
- it was an accident, okay?
- 1192
- 00:57:18,519 --> 00:57:21,147
- I try to make duck dinner,
- now plaster everywhere.
- 1193
- 00:57:21,230 --> 00:57:23,983
- Chill out. Can we just talk about this?
- What's your name? I'm John.
- 1194
- 00:57:24,150 --> 00:57:25,610
- My name is Wan Ming.
- 1195
- 00:57:25,902 --> 00:57:26,945
- Ming?
- 1196
- 00:57:27,111 --> 00:57:28,863
- You pay many dollar
- for wall!
- 1197
- 00:57:28,947 --> 00:57:31,658
- This bullshit!
- This all bullshit!
- 1198
- 00:57:31,824 --> 00:57:33,826
- Death to Ming!
- 1199
- 00:57:39,874 --> 00:57:40,875
- (ALL CHEERING)
- 1200
- 00:57:41,084 --> 00:57:42,418
- (SQUAWKING)
- 1201
- 00:57:51,302 --> 00:57:52,387
- (SNARLS)
- 1202
- 00:57:55,515 --> 00:57:56,516
- (SCREAMS)
- 1203
- 00:57:57,433 --> 00:57:58,559
- Rape!
- 1204
- 00:57:58,726 --> 00:57:59,894
- (YELLING)
- 1205
- 00:58:01,270 --> 00:58:02,313
- Sam, let him go.
- 1206
- 00:58:07,819 --> 00:58:09,946
- You crazy!
- You crazy, man!
- 1207
- 00:58:10,363 --> 00:58:11,823
- Come on, James Franco.
- 1208
- 00:58:14,951 --> 00:58:17,078
- You pay for wall!
- 1209
- 00:58:17,412 --> 00:58:18,913
- Move, sucker!
- 1210
- 00:58:36,639 --> 00:58:38,683
- Greatest night ever!
- 1211
- 00:58:45,940 --> 00:58:47,150
- (SIGHS)
- 1212
- 00:58:49,527 --> 00:58:50,737
- Hey.
- 1213
- 00:58:51,029 --> 00:58:52,071
- Hey, GUY-
- 1214
- 00:58:52,280 --> 00:58:53,698
- What's going on?
- 1215
- 00:58:54,615 --> 00:58:57,035
- This is Jared. He's the
- guy who beat me up.
- 1216
- 00:58:57,452 --> 00:58:58,953
- And we're in love.
- 1217
- 00:58:59,954 --> 00:59:00,913
- Huh?
- 1218
- 00:59:00,997 --> 00:59:03,833
- Turns out I'm gay,
- or whatever.
- 1219
- 00:59:04,625 --> 00:59:05,668
- I had no idea.
- 1220
- 00:59:06,878 --> 00:59:10,048
- Hey, Jared, let's go grab
- another one of these.
- 1221
- 00:59:13,593 --> 00:59:14,719
- SAM: How we doing, ace?
- 1222
- 00:59:15,219 --> 00:59:16,512
- You coming down?
- 1223
- 00:59:16,679 --> 00:59:18,514
- Yeah, I don't feel so good.
- 1224
- 00:59:18,681 --> 00:59:21,642
- Give it a couple of hours.
- You'll be golden, Ponyboy.
- 1225
- 00:59:22,143 --> 00:59:23,436
- You want a Xanax?
- 1226
- 00:59:25,021 --> 00:59:26,230
- Holy shit. Oh, my God.
- 1227
- 00:59:26,314 --> 00:59:27,315
- What?
- 1228
- 00:59:28,483 --> 00:59:30,151
- I got to go.
- 1229
- 00:59:38,201 --> 00:59:39,243
- Lori, I...
- 1230
- 00:59:40,661 --> 00:59:41,829
- Lori!
- 1231
- 00:59:43,706 --> 00:59:46,000
- Lori, wait, please.
- 1232
- 00:59:46,876 --> 00:59:48,753
- Look, I'm sorry,
- I messed up...
- 1233
- 00:59:48,836 --> 00:59:50,713
- John, I need you out of
- the apartment tonight.
- 1234
- 00:59:51,172 --> 00:59:52,590
- Can I... Just give
- me the car keys.
- 1235
- 00:59:52,673 --> 00:59:54,550
- Can I please just explain? No.
- 1236
- 00:59:54,759 --> 00:59:55,760
- Look, I was...
- 1237
- 00:59:55,843 --> 00:59:58,262
- I have given up a huge
- chunk of my life for you.
- 1238
- 00:59:58,429 --> 01:00:01,057
- I was going to stop in for like five
- minutes and then Flash Gordon...
- 1239
- 01:00:01,224 --> 01:00:03,184
- Just give me
- the car keys.
- 1240
- 01:00:13,528 --> 01:00:14,821
- Lori.
- 1241
- 01:00:15,196 --> 01:00:16,739
- Lori, please, I love you.
- 1242
- 01:00:30,545 --> 01:00:33,256
- Johnny, there you are.
- I had to get some air.
- 1243
- 01:00:33,339 --> 01:00:35,424
- That guy from your office
- is in there on the couch
- 1244
- 01:00:35,508 --> 01:00:37,635
- making outwith that
- Van Wilder-looking guy.
- 1245
- 01:00:37,885 --> 01:00:39,887
- You know what? Fuck you. I don't
- even want to talk to you.
- 1246
- 01:00:40,763 --> 01:00:41,806
- What?
- 1247
- 01:00:41,889 --> 01:00:44,142
- Do you know
- what just happened?
- 1248
- 01:00:44,225 --> 01:00:46,602
- Do you have any clue?
- My fucking life just ended!
- 1249
- 01:00:47,311 --> 01:00:48,813
- Come on.
- She'll go home,
- 1250
- 01:00:48,896 --> 01:00:50,898
- <i>she'll watch Bridget</i>
- <i>Jones- something-asshole.</i>
- 1251
- 01:00:50,982 --> 01:00:53,192
- She'll have a good cry, she'll be fine.
- You'll talk to her tomorrow.
- 1252
- 01:00:53,317 --> 01:00:55,027
- Come on upstairs. Are you
- even listening to me?
- 1253
- 01:00:55,111 --> 01:00:57,238
- Do you give any
- shred of a shit?
- 1254
- 01:00:58,406 --> 01:01:00,158
- Of course I do, Johnny.
- 1255
- 01:01:00,241 --> 01:01:02,118
- "Thunder buddies
- for life," remember?
- 1256
- 01:01:02,201 --> 01:01:04,787
- Jesus! Lori was right.
- 1257
- 01:01:04,871 --> 01:01:07,248
- I should have stopped hanging
- out with you a long time ago.
- 1258
- 01:01:07,415 --> 01:01:09,333
- I'm never going to have
- a life with you around.
- 1259
- 01:01:09,500 --> 01:01:11,961
- I'm 35 years old
- and I'm going nowhere.
- 1260
- 01:01:12,044 --> 01:01:15,506
- All I do is smoke pot and watch
- movies with a teddy-fucking-bear.
- 1261
- 01:01:15,590 --> 01:01:18,092
- Because of that, I just
- lost the love of my life.
- 1262
- 01:01:18,843 --> 01:01:20,219
- Johnny, I'm...
- 1263
- 01:01:20,386 --> 01:01:21,512
- I'm sorry.
- 1264
- 01:01:21,679 --> 01:01:24,015
- I gotta be on my own, Ted.
- I can't see you anymore.
- 1265
- 01:01:26,726 --> 01:01:28,853
- John, wait. Listen.
- 1266
- 01:01:29,228 --> 01:01:31,355
- RECORDED TOY VOICE:
- <i>I love you!</i>
- 1267
- 01:02:30,539 --> 01:02:34,043
- So, word through the
- grapevine is that you're
- 1268
- 01:02:34,168 --> 01:02:35,253
- newly solo.
- 1269
- 01:02:35,461 --> 01:02:37,380
- Rex, I have a lot of
- work I need to get to.
- 1270
- 01:02:37,713 --> 01:02:40,800
- I have tickets to Norah Jones
- at the Hatch Shell tonight
- 1271
- 01:02:40,883 --> 01:02:43,511
- and I would love it
- if you would go with me.
- 1272
- 01:02:43,803 --> 01:02:46,806
- You're asking me out a week
- after I broke up with somebody?
- 1273
- 01:02:47,265 --> 01:02:49,433
- Look, I'm going to
- cut the shit, here.
- 1274
- 01:02:49,517 --> 01:02:50,518
- Please.
- 1275
- 01:02:50,810 --> 01:02:54,146
- This is the first time
- that you've been single
- 1276
- 01:02:54,230 --> 01:02:55,731
- in all the years
- you've worked here.
- 1277
- 01:02:56,399 --> 01:02:58,985
- Just go out with me
- one time.
- 1278
- 01:02:59,068 --> 01:03:00,778
- And if you're miserable
- and you hate it
- 1279
- 01:03:00,861 --> 01:03:05,199
- then I promise I will never
- even hint at the subject again.
- 1280
- 01:03:06,742 --> 01:03:07,743
- Please.
- 1281
- 01:03:07,994 --> 01:03:09,453
- Rex, I don't think
- it's smart.
- 1282
- 01:03:09,578 --> 01:03:11,706
- I'm an asshole,
- I know that.
- 1283
- 01:03:11,789 --> 01:03:13,124
- It worked for me
- in high school,
- 1284
- 01:03:13,207 --> 01:03:14,709
- and it's been
- a reflex ever since.
- 1285
- 01:03:15,167 --> 01:03:17,336
- Lori,
- the worst that can happen
- 1286
- 01:03:17,712 --> 01:03:20,172
- is that you go on
- a fun, casual date
- 1287
- 01:03:20,256 --> 01:03:22,300
- with a guy who
- just wants a chance
- 1288
- 01:03:22,383 --> 01:03:25,886
- to prove that he can be
- something more than a jerk.
- 1289
- 01:03:25,970 --> 01:03:28,306
- Plus, you are a huge catch.
- 1290
- 01:03:28,389 --> 01:03:30,433
- And it's about time someone
- treated you that way.
- 1291
- 01:03:32,685 --> 01:03:34,687
- (SIGHS) Fuck it. Fine.
- 1292
- 01:03:34,854 --> 01:03:37,064
- Fine. It sure as hell beats crying
- myself to sleep every night.
- 1293
- 01:03:37,148 --> 01:03:39,358
- And if that means
- getting you off my back,
- 1294
- 01:03:39,442 --> 01:03:40,776
- well, that's just a bonus.
- 1295
- 01:03:40,860 --> 01:03:42,320
- I'll pick you up at 8:00.
- 1296
- 01:03:47,908 --> 01:03:49,118
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- 1297
- 01:03:49,910 --> 01:03:52,455
- Johnny. It's me.
- 1298
- 01:03:52,872 --> 01:03:53,914
- Go away.
- 1299
- 01:03:54,248 --> 01:03:56,959
- Johnny, open the door,
- please, I want to talk.
- 1300
- 01:04:02,423 --> 01:04:03,674
- (GRUNTING)
- 1301
- 01:04:06,677 --> 01:04:08,721
- Jesus Christ!
- What the fuck, man?
- 1302
- 01:04:08,888 --> 01:04:11,098
- Sorry. Look, Johnny, I know
- you're pissed, all right?
- 1303
- 01:04:11,265 --> 01:04:13,267
- But just listen to me
- for five seconds.
- 1304
- 01:04:13,476 --> 01:04:15,644
- I saw Lori leaving
- the apartment with Rex.
- 1305
- 01:04:15,728 --> 01:04:16,729
- What?
- 1306
- 01:04:16,812 --> 01:04:18,147
- I'm serious, John.
- I went over to talk to her
- 1307
- 01:04:18,230 --> 01:04:19,857
- and maybe take some
- of the heat off you.
- 1308
- 01:04:19,940 --> 01:04:21,317
- And there he was,
- picking her up.
- 1309
- 01:04:21,400 --> 01:04:22,735
- They were going
- to the Hatch Shell.
- 1310
- 01:04:22,902 --> 01:04:24,820
- You're fucking unbelievable,
- you know that?
- 1311
- 01:04:24,904 --> 01:04:26,489
- How stupid
- do you think I am?
- 1312
- 01:04:26,572 --> 01:04:28,074
- If you think that by
- making shit like that up
- 1313
- 01:04:28,157 --> 01:04:30,117
- you're going to make me choose
- some kind of loyalty to you
- 1314
- 01:04:30,201 --> 01:04:31,369
- over her you're out
- of your fucking mind.
- 1315
- 01:04:31,452 --> 01:04:33,621
- Johnny, it's the truth,
- I'm telling you.
- 1316
- 01:04:33,704 --> 01:04:35,623
- You know what?
- Get out of here.
- 1317
- 01:04:36,582 --> 01:04:39,001
- You know what? You're acting like a cock.
- You know that?
- 1318
- 01:04:39,168 --> 01:04:40,586
- What? I'm acting
- like a cock?
- 1319
- 01:04:40,669 --> 01:04:41,670
- Yes, you are.
- 1320
- 01:04:41,754 --> 01:04:43,756
- So shut your meat hole for
- a second and listen to me.
- 1321
- 01:04:43,964 --> 01:04:45,466
- Huh?
- Meat hole? What?
- 1322
- 01:04:45,549 --> 01:04:47,093
- That's not right,
- is it? No.
- 1323
- 01:04:47,259 --> 01:04:49,011
- "Pudding hole"?
- Is that what they say?
- 1324
- 01:04:49,095 --> 01:04:50,179
- No, it can't be
- that either.
- 1325
- 01:04:50,429 --> 01:04:53,682
- Because, "How can you have any
- pudding if you don't eat your meat?"
- 1326
- 01:04:53,849 --> 01:04:56,018
- (CHUCKLES)
- Right? Pink Floyd.
- 1327
- 01:04:56,185 --> 01:04:58,020
- Look, the point is,
- you're blaming me
- 1328
- 01:04:58,104 --> 01:04:59,855
- for something that
- you did to yourself.
- 1329
- 01:05:00,523 --> 01:05:01,732
- Lori was right about you.
- 1330
- 01:05:01,899 --> 01:05:05,528
- You cannot take responsibility for
- anything that goes on in your life.
- 1331
- 01:05:05,694 --> 01:05:06,737
- Oh, and you can?
- 1332
- 01:05:06,821 --> 01:05:09,073
- I don't have to.
- I'm a fucking teddy bear.
- 1333
- 01:05:09,532 --> 01:05:12,701
- You know something? I didn't tie
- you up and drag you to that party.
- 1334
- 01:05:12,785 --> 01:05:15,746
- I wanted you to come because
- you're supposedly my best friend.
- 1335
- 01:05:15,830 --> 01:05:16,997
- You can't stand there
- and tell me
- 1336
- 01:05:17,081 --> 01:05:19,125
- that you haven't always seen Lori
- as a threat to our friendship.
- 1337
- 01:05:19,208 --> 01:05:20,584
- It works out
- so much better for you
- 1338
- 01:05:20,668 --> 01:05:21,961
- when you and I are
- getting fucked up
- 1339
- 01:05:22,044 --> 01:05:23,295
- on the couch at 9:00 a.m., doesn't it?
- 1340
- 01:05:23,587 --> 01:05:24,672
- (SCOFFS)
- Listen to yourself.
- 1341
- 01:05:24,839 --> 01:05:27,383
- What am I? Emperor Ming,
- here, controlling your mind?
- 1342
- 01:05:27,550 --> 01:05:29,135
- That's your choice, John.
- 1343
- 01:05:29,343 --> 01:05:31,053
- And by blaming me,
- you, you're just
- 1344
- 01:05:31,137 --> 01:05:32,763
- making yourself
- look like a pussy.
- 1345
- 01:05:35,391 --> 01:05:37,143
- Sometimes I think back to
- that Christmas morning
- 1346
- 01:05:37,226 --> 01:05:38,394
- when I was eight years old.
- 1347
- 01:05:38,477 --> 01:05:40,187
- I wish I had just
- gotten a Teddy Ruxpin.
- 1348
- 01:05:41,772 --> 01:05:43,315
- Say that one more time.
- 1349
- 01:05:43,732 --> 01:05:46,610
- Teddy Rux-fucking-pin!
- 1350
- 01:06:09,884 --> 01:06:10,968
- JOHN: Shit!
- 1351
- 01:06:12,970 --> 01:06:14,472
- (GROANING)
- 1352
- 01:06:15,222 --> 01:06:16,307
- Fuck, man!
- 1353
- 01:06:18,058 --> 01:06:19,226
- (PANTING)
- 1354
- 01:06:24,732 --> 01:06:25,858
- (YELLING)
- 1355
- 01:06:33,449 --> 01:06:34,533
- (GROANS)
- 1356
- 01:06:56,263 --> 01:06:57,431
- (COUGHS)
- 1357
- 01:07:01,185 --> 01:07:02,853
- Ow! Fuck! Cocksucker!
- 1358
- 01:07:04,188 --> 01:07:05,898
- Fucking stop! Fuck!
- 1359
- 01:07:08,817 --> 01:07:09,902
- (GROANS)
- 1360
- 01:07:09,985 --> 01:07:11,111
- (COUGHS)
- 1361
- 01:07:18,118 --> 01:07:19,328
- (SOBBING)
- Why are you crying?
- 1362
- 01:07:19,995 --> 01:07:23,290
- My dick is squished
- by the TV.
- 1363
- 01:07:33,175 --> 01:07:34,969
- I'm so sorry, Johnny.
- 1364
- 01:07:35,177 --> 01:07:36,637
- So am I, man.
- 1365
- 01:07:37,179 --> 01:07:38,639
- I love you.
- 1366
- 01:07:38,806 --> 01:07:40,307
- I love you, too.
- 1367
- 01:07:40,808 --> 01:07:42,142
- Listen.
- 1368
- 01:07:42,685 --> 01:07:45,062
- You got to let me help you make
- things right with you and Lori.
- 1369
- 01:07:45,479 --> 01:07:47,982
- There's no putting things right.
- She fucking hates me.
- 1370
- 01:07:48,357 --> 01:07:52,069
- No, John.
- We can get her back.
- 1371
- 01:07:52,278 --> 01:07:53,279
- Look,
- 1372
- 01:07:54,321 --> 01:07:56,407
- you remember
- when you were 10,
- 1373
- 01:07:56,574 --> 01:07:59,201
- and you hit that squirrel
- with your BB gun?
- 1374
- 01:07:59,368 --> 01:08:01,078
- And then when we saw
- it fall from the tree,
- 1375
- 01:08:01,161 --> 01:08:03,205
- we both started crying,
- you remember?
- 1376
- 01:08:03,372 --> 01:08:04,707
- And then we ran up to it
- 1377
- 01:08:04,832 --> 01:08:09,003
- and we tried to give it CPR,
- and it came back to life.
- 1378
- 01:08:09,169 --> 01:08:11,005
- John, we could
- do that again.
- 1379
- 01:08:11,088 --> 01:08:12,131
- Ted,
- 1380
- 01:08:12,339 --> 01:08:14,967
- we crushed its ribcage and blew out
- its lungs trying to give it CPR.
- 1381
- 01:08:15,050 --> 01:08:16,218
- It died.
- 1382
- 01:08:17,428 --> 01:08:20,472
- Come on. We're going
- to the Hatch Shell.
- 1383
- 01:08:21,181 --> 01:08:22,850
- (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING)
- 1384
- 01:08:28,606 --> 01:08:29,815
- (SINGING)
- 1385
- 01:09:02,681 --> 01:09:04,058
- (AUDIENCE CHEERING)
- 1386
- 01:09:09,355 --> 01:09:10,481
- Yeah!
- 1387
- 01:09:10,564 --> 01:09:13,484
- Thanks. We're going to take a short
- break, but we'll be back in a few.
- 1388
- 01:09:21,659 --> 01:09:23,243
- TED: Play Chopsticks,
- you jazzy slut.
- 1389
- 01:09:23,327 --> 01:09:24,370
- Teddy!
- 1390
- 01:09:24,578 --> 01:09:25,621
- (LAUGHS)
- 1391
- 01:09:25,704 --> 01:09:26,664
- How are you?
- 1392
- 01:09:26,747 --> 01:09:28,374
- How are you doing,
- you fuzzy little asshole?
- 1393
- 01:09:28,457 --> 01:09:30,459
- Well, I'm not a hot,
- half-Muslim chick
- 1394
- 01:09:30,542 --> 01:09:33,087
- who sold 37 million records,
- but I'm hanging in there.
- 1395
- 01:09:33,754 --> 01:09:35,172
- Half-Indian, but thanks.
- 1396
- 01:09:35,255 --> 01:09:36,256
- Yeah, whatever.
- Thanks for 9/11.
- 1397
- 01:09:36,340 --> 01:09:38,342
- Listen, I want you to meet a
- good pal of mine, all right?
- 1398
- 01:09:38,425 --> 01:09:40,177
- John Bennett, Norah Jones.
- 1399
- 01:09:40,260 --> 01:09:41,845
- Hi, Norah Jones.
- 1400
- 01:09:41,929 --> 01:09:44,098
- Hey, there, sweaty.
- 1401
- 01:09:45,766 --> 01:09:47,017
- You ready to
- bring down the house?
- 1402
- 01:09:47,101 --> 01:09:50,270
- Yes, ma'am. Thank you for
- the opportunity, Miss...
- 1403
- 01:09:50,354 --> 01:09:52,356
- Ma'am Jones.
- Thank you.
- 1404
- 01:09:52,523 --> 01:09:54,108
- Jesus, you look fantastic.
- 1405
- 01:09:54,400 --> 01:09:56,694
- Well, you're probably not used
- to seeing me fully clothed.
- 1406
- 01:09:56,777 --> 01:09:58,237
- Yeah, I know, right?
- 1407
- 01:09:58,320 --> 01:10:01,949
- Me and Norah met in 2002 at a
- party at Belinda Carlisle's house
- 1408
- 01:10:02,116 --> 01:10:04,493
- and we had awkward
- fuzzy sex in the coatroom.
- 1409
- 01:10:04,660 --> 01:10:06,662
- Actually, you weren't so bad
- for a guy with no penis.
- 1410
- 01:10:06,870 --> 01:10:09,957
- You know, I have written so many
- angry letters to Hasbro about that.
- 1411
- 01:10:10,582 --> 01:10:11,792
- (AUDIENCE CHEERING)
- 1412
- 01:10:12,668 --> 01:10:13,752
- NORAH: Thank you.
- 1413
- 01:10:13,919 --> 01:10:15,671
- Now, I'm going to
- give my chops a rest
- 1414
- 01:10:15,754 --> 01:10:17,256
- and bring a friend up
- to the stage.
- 1415
- 01:10:17,423 --> 01:10:19,550
- He's going to sing a
- song to a special lady
- 1416
- 01:10:19,633 --> 01:10:21,802
- in the audience
- who he loves very much.
- 1417
- 01:10:21,969 --> 01:10:24,888
- Please give a big hand
- to John Bennett.
- 1418
- 01:10:28,100 --> 01:10:30,144
- Oh, my God.
- 1419
- 01:10:30,227 --> 01:10:32,104
- Holy shit!
- 1420
- 01:10:35,816 --> 01:10:37,651
- I gotta fuck her again.
- 1421
- 01:10:37,901 --> 01:10:38,902
- Uh...
- 1422
- 01:10:38,986 --> 01:10:42,489
- Hi, my name is John Bennett,
- 1423
- 01:10:42,823 --> 01:10:44,825
- and this is
- for Lori Collins.
- 1424
- 01:10:45,784 --> 01:10:46,994
- Because I love you.
- 1425
- 01:10:48,162 --> 01:10:52,332
- This song always reminds me of the
- most important night of my life.
- 1426
- 01:10:53,417 --> 01:10:55,002
- The night we met.
- 1427
- 01:10:55,169 --> 01:10:59,006
- This is the theme song
- from the movie Octopussy.
- 1428
- 01:10:59,256 --> 01:11:00,674
- (PLAYING THEME SONG)
- 1429
- 01:11:03,761 --> 01:11:10,350
- <i>(SINGING) All I wanted was a sweet</i>
- <i>distraction For an hour or two</i>
- 1430
- 01:11:11,185 --> 01:11:15,606
- <i>Had no intention to do</i>
- 1431
- 01:11:16,815 --> 01:11:18,817
- Still better
- than Katy Perry.
- 1432
- 01:11:21,945 --> 01:11:25,532
- <i>Funny how it</i>
- <i>always goes with love</i>
- 1433
- 01:11:25,699 --> 01:11:29,244
- <i>When you don't look,</i>
- <i>you find</i>
- 1434
- 01:11:29,411 --> 01:11:33,332
- <i>But then</i>
- <i>we're two of a kind</i>
- 1435
- 01:11:34,291 --> 01:11:36,543
- <i>(IN FALSETTO)</i>
- <i>We move as one</i>
- 1436
- 01:11:37,127 --> 01:11:38,462
- (AUDIENCE BOOING)
- 1437
- 01:11:38,545 --> 01:11:41,548
- <i>We're an all time high</i>
- 1438
- 01:11:41,924 --> 01:11:43,258
- You suck,
- get off the stage!
- 1439
- 01:11:43,342 --> 01:11:44,885
- Come on.
- Give him a chance.
- 1440
- 01:11:45,511 --> 01:11:46,804
- (AUDIENCE CONTINUES BOOING)
- 1441
- 01:11:47,721 --> 01:11:50,474
- <i>Doing so much more</i>
- 1442
- 01:11:50,682 --> 01:11:51,767
- You're an asshole!
- 1443
- 01:11:52,351 --> 01:11:53,644
- <i>Than falling...</i>
- 1444
- 01:11:55,854 --> 01:11:56,897
- (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS)
- 1445
- 01:11:58,190 --> 01:11:59,274
- Oh, Jesus!
- 1446
- 01:12:00,859 --> 01:12:02,528
- Someone call an ambulance!
- 1447
- 01:12:07,241 --> 01:12:08,742
- (AUDIENCE SHOUTING)
- 1448
- 01:12:11,954 --> 01:12:13,539
- REX: That was insane.
- 1449
- 01:12:13,622 --> 01:12:15,499
- Did you see the way the
- guy's body hit the ground?
- 1450
- 01:12:15,582 --> 01:12:17,209
- He was like a ragdoll.
- 1451
- 01:12:17,584 --> 01:12:19,586
- Yeah, I'd rather
- just not talk about it.
- 1452
- 01:12:19,670 --> 01:12:21,255
- Do you want to go
- get a drink after this?
- 1453
- 01:12:21,338 --> 01:12:24,258
- I feel like I could use one
- after seeing a guy almost die.
- 1454
- 01:12:24,341 --> 01:12:27,177
- (CLEARS THROAT) No, I think I'd
- rather just have you take me home.
- 1455
- 01:12:27,261 --> 01:12:29,179
- One drink.
- Come on.
- 1456
- 01:12:29,263 --> 01:12:31,181
- No, not really
- feeling up to it.
- 1457
- 01:12:31,265 --> 01:12:33,100
- All right, I get it.
- 1458
- 01:12:33,183 --> 01:12:36,186
- And, you know,
- I don't blame you.
- 1459
- 01:12:36,270 --> 01:12:37,855
- I mean,
- when you think about it,
- 1460
- 01:12:37,938 --> 01:12:41,191
- it was actually really unfair of
- him to embarrass you like that.
- 1461
- 01:12:42,401 --> 01:12:44,862
- Just to be clear,
- I'm not embarrassed.
- 1462
- 01:12:45,279 --> 01:12:48,073
- Listen, John and I may have our
- problems, but at least he tried.
- 1463
- 01:12:50,242 --> 01:12:53,245
- You know what? I don't feel
- like talking to you about this.
- 1464
- 01:12:53,745 --> 01:12:54,830
- Where are you going?
- 1465
- 01:12:54,997 --> 01:12:58,000
- Taking a cab.
- I'm going home.
- 1466
- 01:13:01,169 --> 01:13:02,212
- (FARTING)
- 1467
- 01:13:02,296 --> 01:13:03,672
- Finally.
- 1468
- 01:13:04,965 --> 01:13:06,258
- (DOORBELL RINGING)
- 1469
- 01:13:14,808 --> 01:13:16,018
- TED: Down here.
- 1470
- 01:13:16,101 --> 01:13:17,769
- Not looking up your towel.
- Swear to God.
- 1471
- 01:13:17,853 --> 01:13:20,355
- Not looking up your towel. Not
- looking at your funny business.
- 1472
- 01:13:20,522 --> 01:13:22,149
- Ted, what are you
- doing here?
- 1473
- 01:13:22,983 --> 01:13:24,318
- I need to talk to you.
- 1474
- 01:13:24,818 --> 01:13:26,904
- Listen, if you're here to fight
- John's battles for him...
- 1475
- 01:13:26,987 --> 01:13:28,864
- Look, just let me
- talk first, all right?
- 1476
- 01:13:28,947 --> 01:13:30,824
- And then you can
- say whatever you want.
- 1477
- 01:13:35,245 --> 01:13:38,916
- (SIGHS) Look, John
- loves you very much,
- 1478
- 01:13:38,999 --> 01:13:40,417
- more than
- anything in the world,
- 1479
- 01:13:40,500 --> 01:13:43,545
- and he's falling to fucking
- pieces without you.
- 1480
- 01:13:44,087 --> 01:13:45,964
- He knows
- he screwed up huge
- 1481
- 01:13:46,048 --> 01:13:49,509
- but you've got to believe me
- it wasn't all his fault.
- 1482
- 01:13:49,593 --> 01:13:53,305
- I told him to bail on you that
- night at Rex's and he said, "No."
- 1483
- 01:13:53,388 --> 01:13:57,392
- He said "no," he was going to stay there
- with you, and I twisted his arm, Lori.
- 1484
- 01:13:57,893 --> 01:13:59,937
- So, if you just give him
- one more chance
- 1485
- 01:14:00,562 --> 01:14:03,774
- I promise I will leave
- and I'll never come back.
- 1486
- 01:14:03,941 --> 01:14:06,068
- All right?
- He'll be all yours.
- 1487
- 01:14:06,944 --> 01:14:08,904
- Ted, that's
- a really nice offer,
- 1488
- 01:14:08,987 --> 01:14:11,365
- but I don't want
- you to do that.
- 1489
- 01:14:11,531 --> 01:14:15,535
- This is between John and me and
- I don't think it can be fixed.
- 1490
- 01:14:15,702 --> 01:14:17,079
- Yeah, because of me!
- 1491
- 01:14:17,204 --> 01:14:20,457
- Look, Lori,
- you want him to be a man.
- 1492
- 01:14:20,540 --> 01:14:22,459
- But as long as
- he's got his teddy bear,
- 1493
- 01:14:22,542 --> 01:14:24,670
- he's always going to
- be a boy.
- 1494
- 01:14:26,713 --> 01:14:29,466
- He's waiting down
- at Charlie's right now.
- 1495
- 01:14:29,633 --> 01:14:33,220
- So, if you go down there
- and just talk to him
- 1496
- 01:14:33,387 --> 01:14:35,222
- I'll be gone
- when you get back.
- 1497
- 01:14:36,139 --> 01:14:37,432
- Forever.
- 1498
- 01:14:37,891 --> 01:14:40,811
- And, you'll see,
- 1499
- 01:14:40,894 --> 01:14:43,897
- he'll never be
- scared of thunder again.
- 1500
- 01:15:27,607 --> 01:15:31,236
- "Michelob Ultra
- Tuscan Orange Grapefruit."
- 1501
- 01:15:31,403 --> 01:15:33,697
- My God,
- America is imploding.
- 1502
- 01:15:42,748 --> 01:15:43,790
- Hi, Ted.
- 1503
- 01:15:44,416 --> 01:15:45,459
- Fuck!
- 1504
- 01:16:04,686 --> 01:16:05,979
- Lori, what...
- 1505
- 01:16:06,480 --> 01:16:07,522
- Hey.
- 1506
- 01:16:07,689 --> 01:16:08,899
- What are you doing here?
- 1507
- 01:16:09,483 --> 01:16:11,318
- You can thank Ted.
- 1508
- 01:16:14,988 --> 01:16:17,199
- Should I sit?
- 1509
- 01:16:17,657 --> 01:16:19,701
- Yeah, if you want.
- 1510
- 01:16:19,951 --> 01:16:21,244
- Okay.
- 1511
- 01:16:23,330 --> 01:16:25,040
- So, work's good?
- Everything good, there?
- 1512
- 01:16:25,207 --> 01:16:27,709
- Yeah. Yeah, work's good.
- 1513
- 01:16:29,503 --> 01:16:32,047
- I guess we can't make
- small talk all day, huh?
- 1514
- 01:16:33,340 --> 01:16:37,052
- If it's okay with you, I just
- want to say what I want to say.
- 1515
- 01:16:38,178 --> 01:16:39,721
- I could sit here and
- tell you I'm sorry,
- 1516
- 01:16:39,805 --> 01:16:41,264
- it was a huge
- misunderstanding,
- 1517
- 01:16:41,348 --> 01:16:43,892
- and I'm ready to change,
- 1518
- 01:16:44,017 --> 01:16:45,852
- but I don't think you want
- to hear any of that crap.
- 1519
- 01:16:46,686 --> 01:16:49,022
- I'm not going to try to
- get you to take me back.
- 1520
- 01:16:49,523 --> 01:16:50,565
- Why would you?
- 1521
- 01:16:50,649 --> 01:16:52,567
- I've been a really shitty boyfriend
- for the last four years.
- 1522
- 01:16:52,651 --> 01:16:54,277
- I don't deserve you.
- 1523
- 01:16:55,028 --> 01:16:58,782
- I know I didn't take our
- relationship seriously but, Lori,
- 1524
- 01:16:58,865 --> 01:17:00,700
- I do love you more
- than life itself.
- 1525
- 01:17:02,661 --> 01:17:06,081
- All I want is... I just
- want to end on good terms.
- 1526
- 01:17:06,164 --> 01:17:07,457
- I owe that to you.
- 1527
- 01:17:07,624 --> 01:17:10,043
- I want you to be happy.
- You deserve that.
- 1528
- 01:17:10,877 --> 01:17:14,840
- And I just hope that maybe
- we can still be friends.
- 1529
- 01:17:16,550 --> 01:17:18,468
- Thank you for
- being so honest.
- 1530
- 01:17:21,555 --> 01:17:23,515
- That's pretty much it.
- 1531
- 01:17:26,268 --> 01:17:27,394
- Thanks for coming by.
- 1532
- 01:17:49,457 --> 01:17:50,584
- (TED GRUNTING)
- 1533
- 01:17:58,884 --> 01:18:00,010
- TED: Whoa!
- 1534
- 01:18:03,096 --> 01:18:05,682
- Yeah, as you can see
- 1535
- 01:18:05,765 --> 01:18:09,102
- you've been a part of our
- family for quite some time.
- 1536
- 01:18:10,937 --> 01:18:12,189
- Welcome home.
- 1537
- 01:18:12,272 --> 01:18:13,815
- Yeah, it's kind of
- funny, actually.
- 1538
- 01:18:13,899 --> 01:18:16,276
- I got a lot of pictures of
- you guys at my house.
- 1539
- 01:18:16,526 --> 01:18:18,278
- Is he all mine, Daddy?
- 1540
- 01:18:18,904 --> 01:18:22,199
- Yes, he is, my little winner.
- Yes, he is.
- 1541
- 01:18:22,574 --> 01:18:24,659
- Ted, you've arrived
- at a lucky time.
- 1542
- 01:18:24,743 --> 01:18:26,494
- It's almost
- Robert's play hour.
- 1543
- 01:18:26,703 --> 01:18:29,080
- Yeah, I'm guessing you guys
- don't have a PS3.
- 1544
- 01:18:29,164 --> 01:18:32,042
- I'm guessing you're more of a "wooden
- horse with a wig" kind of family.
- 1545
- 01:18:32,876 --> 01:18:34,461
- Yeah.
- 1546
- 01:18:34,544 --> 01:18:36,421
- No. Yeah. No.
- 1547
- 01:18:36,963 --> 01:18:37,964
- Yeah.
- 1548
- 01:18:45,513 --> 01:18:47,474
- TED: Yeah, see,
- there's the guy.
- 1549
- 01:18:47,766 --> 01:18:51,269
- Now, Ted, you belong to Robert now, okay?
- You do as he says.
- 1550
- 01:18:51,436 --> 01:18:53,438
- You think you're just going to
- get away with a kidnapping?
- 1551
- 01:18:53,605 --> 01:18:54,940
- That's a nice fucking
- example you're setting...
- 1552
- 01:18:55,023 --> 01:18:56,149
- (SHOUTING) Language!
- 1553
- 01:18:56,233 --> 01:18:57,734
- Sorry. Sorry.
- 1554
- 01:19:02,989 --> 01:19:05,951
- You know, Ted,
- when I was a little boy,
- 1555
- 01:19:08,036 --> 01:19:10,247
- I saw you on television.
- 1556
- 01:19:10,413 --> 01:19:11,873
- And I thought you were
- the most amazing,
- 1557
- 01:19:11,957 --> 01:19:14,626
- most wonderful thing
- I'd ever seen. Ever.
- 1558
- 01:19:15,752 --> 01:19:20,423
- And I asked my dad if I could have
- a magical little teddy bear, too.
- 1559
- 01:19:20,507 --> 01:19:21,925
- And he said, "No."
- 1560
- 01:19:22,300 --> 01:19:24,511
- Can you just email me
- the rest of this story?
- 1561
- 01:19:24,886 --> 01:19:26,930
- And I was so heartbroken.
- 1562
- 01:19:27,639 --> 01:19:30,433
- And I promised myself that
- if I ever had a son,
- 1563
- 01:19:30,600 --> 01:19:35,689
- I would never,
- ever, ever say no to him.
- 1564
- 01:19:37,816 --> 01:19:39,109
- Even
- 1565
- 01:19:39,276 --> 01:19:42,279
- Maybe "no" to a Snickers bar every
- once in a while wouldn't hurt.
- 1566
- 01:19:42,362 --> 01:19:44,364
- Me and Ted are going
- to be best friends, Daddy.
- 1567
- 01:19:44,906 --> 01:19:47,909
- Yes, you are,
- my little chipmunk.
- 1568
- 01:19:51,538 --> 01:19:53,164
- Happy playtime.
- 1569
- 01:19:55,125 --> 01:19:57,210
- Jesus fucking Christ!
- 1570
- 01:19:57,294 --> 01:19:59,421
- I said a bad word
- one time.
- 1571
- 01:20:00,213 --> 01:20:01,840
- Daddy punished me
- for it.
- 1572
- 01:20:01,923 --> 01:20:04,175
- That's a great story.
- I felt like I was there.
- 1573
- 01:20:04,384 --> 01:20:06,177
- Daddy gave me an ouch.
- 1574
- 01:20:06,469 --> 01:20:09,180
- Now, I have to
- give you an ouch.
- 1575
- 01:20:10,056 --> 01:20:11,308
- (SCREAMING IN PAIN)
- 1576
- 01:20:14,227 --> 01:20:16,563
- All right, kid, you win.
- We'll do it your way.
- 1577
- 01:20:16,646 --> 01:20:18,231
- What do you want to do?
- You want to play a game?
- 1578
- 01:20:18,315 --> 01:20:19,733
- It's playtime, right?
- We'll play a game.
- 1579
- 01:20:19,816 --> 01:20:21,735
- Yeah, I want to
- play a game.
- 1580
- 01:20:21,818 --> 01:20:23,862
- Good, good. Let's see.
- How about we...
- 1581
- 01:20:23,945 --> 01:20:25,697
- How about we play a little
- game of hide and seek?
- 1582
- 01:20:26,072 --> 01:20:28,283
- I love hide and seek.
- I'll hide.
- 1583
- 01:20:28,450 --> 01:20:30,618
- Now, hang on a sec, there.
- 1584
- 01:20:30,702 --> 01:20:34,247
- Your dad likes you to show good manners.
- Right, Tubby McFat-Fuck?
- 1585
- 01:20:34,581 --> 01:20:36,458
- Okay. You hide first.
- 1586
- 01:20:36,541 --> 01:20:37,625
- Great. Fantastic.
- 1587
- 01:20:37,709 --> 01:20:41,212
- Okay, now you count to 100, and
- then you try to find me, okay?
- 1588
- 01:20:41,296 --> 01:20:42,339
- Okay.
- 1589
- 01:20:43,882 --> 01:20:46,551
- Do I need to wash my hands
- before I play this game?
- 1590
- 01:20:47,260 --> 01:20:50,555
- No. That's a weird fucking question.
- No, just start counting.
- 1591
- 01:20:52,682 --> 01:20:54,768
- One, two,
- 1592
- 01:20:55,643 --> 01:20:59,105
- three, four, five,
- 1593
- 01:20:59,814 --> 01:21:01,900
- six, seven...
- 1594
- 01:21:02,067 --> 01:21:04,235
- No peeking, now,
- or you'll get kid cancer.
- 1595
- 01:21:04,402 --> 01:21:07,697
- ...eight, nine, ten,
- 1596
- 01:21:08,365 --> 01:21:11,826
- eleven, twelve,
- thirteen...
- 1597
- 01:21:20,001 --> 01:21:21,544
- (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)
- 1598
- 01:21:24,172 --> 01:21:25,340
- (SINGING)
- 1599
- 01:22:03,670 --> 01:22:04,921
- (STAPLING)
- Ah!
- 1600
- 01:22:05,088 --> 01:22:06,798
- (MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
- 1601
- 01:22:31,156 --> 01:22:32,198
- Hey.
- 1602
- 01:22:32,740 --> 01:22:33,992
- Hey.
- 1603
- 01:22:35,285 --> 01:22:36,578
- You walking home
- alone, huh?
- 1604
- 01:22:37,036 --> 01:22:38,079
- Yeah.
- 1605
- 01:22:39,414 --> 01:22:40,582
- Do you need a lift?
- 1606
- 01:22:40,999 --> 01:22:42,083
- Oh, I'm okay.
- 1607
- 01:22:42,167 --> 01:22:44,836
- If I get raped, it'll be my
- fault for what I'm wearing.
- 1608
- 01:22:45,712 --> 01:22:47,922
- Listen, John.
- 1609
- 01:22:49,174 --> 01:22:51,426
- There's something that I
- need to say to you, too.
- 1610
- 01:23:01,311 --> 01:23:02,729
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- 1611
- 01:23:06,858 --> 01:23:08,568
- HEY
- HEY
- 1612
- 01:23:08,818 --> 01:23:10,487
- John, I hope that...“
- 1613
- 01:23:11,237 --> 01:23:13,406
- Listen, I don't want
- you to think that...
- 1614
- 01:23:13,531 --> 01:23:14,866
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- 1615
- 01:23:16,534 --> 01:23:17,869
- Sorry.
- 1616
- 01:23:18,369 --> 01:23:21,331
- I want us to keep talking
- because I think that maybe...
- 1617
- 01:23:21,414 --> 01:23:22,415
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
- 1618
- 01:23:22,499 --> 01:23:23,541
- Go ahead.
- 1619
- 01:23:23,625 --> 01:23:25,335
- Whoever this is,
- it's not a good time.
- 1620
- 01:23:25,418 --> 01:23:26,878
- John, it's me.
- Can you hear me?
- 1621
- 01:23:27,378 --> 01:23:29,547
- Ted? Listen,
- I got to call you back.
- 1622
- 01:23:29,631 --> 01:23:31,591
- No, John, don't hang up!
- I'm in trouble.
- 1623
- 01:23:32,008 --> 01:23:33,259
- What do you mean?
- What kind of trouble?
- 1624
- 01:23:33,426 --> 01:23:35,470
- They got me. That freaky
- guy from the park,
- 1625
- 01:23:35,553 --> 01:23:37,222
- and that kid who I
- think is his son,
- 1626
- 01:23:37,305 --> 01:23:38,681
- but may also be his lover,
- I don't know.
- 1627
- 01:23:38,765 --> 01:23:40,099
- Whoa, whoa, slow down.
- Where are you?
- 1628
- 01:23:40,350 --> 01:23:41,434
- Uh...
- 1629
- 01:23:41,518 --> 01:23:42,894
- I'm not sure, it's...
- 1630
- 01:23:42,977 --> 01:23:44,020
- (DIAL TONE)
- 1631
- 01:23:44,103 --> 01:23:46,105
- Hello? Hello, John?
- 1632
- 01:23:47,482 --> 01:23:48,525
- Hello?
- 1633
- 01:23:49,359 --> 01:23:51,861
- You're not a very
- polite guest, are you?
- 1634
- 01:23:51,945 --> 01:23:53,029
- Shit!
- 1635
- 01:23:53,112 --> 01:23:55,323
- Ted, hello? Ted?
- 1636
- 01:23:55,406 --> 01:23:56,783
- What's the matter?
- Is he okay?
- 1637
- 01:23:57,242 --> 01:23:58,952
- I don't know.
- Where is he?
- 1638
- 01:23:59,118 --> 01:24:00,828
- I don't know. He just
- said he was in trouble.
- 1639
- 01:24:01,663 --> 01:24:03,039
- Can you call him back?
- 1640
- 01:24:03,122 --> 01:24:04,332
- No, it's blocked.
- 1641
- 01:24:05,500 --> 01:24:06,584
- Wait a second.
- 1642
- 01:24:10,630 --> 01:24:12,590
- Go. Take Columbus to Herald
- and get on the expressway.
- 1643
- 01:24:16,177 --> 01:24:17,804
- Hello, 911?
- 1644
- 01:24:17,929 --> 01:24:19,222
- I need the police
- right away.
- 1645
- 01:24:19,389 --> 01:24:21,391
- This guy took
- my teddy bear.
- 1646
- 01:24:22,183 --> 01:24:23,226
- Hello?
- 1647
- 01:24:26,104 --> 01:24:28,273
- TED: Let me out of here,
- you crazy bastard!
- 1648
- 01:24:30,900 --> 01:24:31,901
- I hear the fat kid running.
- I hear the fat kid running.
- 1649
- 01:24:31,985 --> 01:24:34,153
- I bet it's hilarious.
- Let me out of here!
- 1650
- 01:24:34,362 --> 01:24:36,239
- I am a citizen of
- the United States of America
- 1651
- 01:24:36,322 --> 01:24:37,699
- and I have rights!
- (GRUNTS)
- 1652
- 01:24:40,451 --> 01:24:41,995
- Robert, seatbelt.
- 1653
- 01:24:42,954 --> 01:24:44,831
- JOHN: It should be
- right here, somewhere.
- 1654
- 01:24:46,165 --> 01:24:47,500
- (ENGINE REVVING)
- 1655
- 01:24:49,127 --> 01:24:50,169
- Johnny!
- 1656
- 01:24:50,753 --> 01:24:53,256
- Whoa, whoa! Stop, stop!
- That's them, turn around!
- 1657
- 01:24:59,512 --> 01:25:00,555
- Stay with them.
- 1658
- 01:25:04,726 --> 01:25:05,810
- (HONKING)
- 1659
- 01:25:08,521 --> 01:25:09,564
- Hang gm
- 1660
- 01:25:25,705 --> 01:25:26,789
- (GASPS)
- 1661
- 01:25:27,582 --> 01:25:28,875
- Back off, Susan Boyle!
- 1662
- 01:25:34,088 --> 01:25:36,174
- Oh, my God! He's going to jump!
- Get closer.
- 1663
- 01:25:41,137 --> 01:25:42,972
- All right, easy.
- Come on, Ted.
- 1664
- 01:25:46,559 --> 01:25:47,644
- Shit!
- Yes!
- 1665
- 01:25:47,935 --> 01:25:50,313
- Hey, Johnny!
- Total T.J. Hooker, right?
- 1666
- 01:25:50,396 --> 01:25:51,648
- Yes! Fucking-A right!
- 1667
- 01:25:51,814 --> 01:25:52,940
- (LAUGHS)
- 1668
- 01:25:53,608 --> 01:25:54,859
- (BRAKES SCREECHING)
- 1669
- 01:25:55,234 --> 01:25:56,361
- Oh, shit!
- 1670
- 01:26:01,574 --> 01:26:02,575
- Go! Go!Go!
- 1671
- 01:26:15,421 --> 01:26:16,714
- Daddy!
- 1672
- 01:26:18,758 --> 01:26:20,635
- Let's see how well
- you know these streets.
- 1673
- 01:26:22,595 --> 01:26:23,638
- Where is he?
- 1674
- 01:26:37,527 --> 01:26:38,653
- (GRUNTING)
- 1675
- 01:26:44,450 --> 01:26:45,576
- Jesus!
- 1676
- 01:26:58,047 --> 01:26:59,298
- JOHN: There he is.
- Pull over.
- 1677
- 01:27:08,516 --> 01:27:09,517
- (PANTING)
- 1678
- 01:27:15,606 --> 01:27:16,649
- (GRUNTING)
- 1679
- 01:27:30,496 --> 01:27:31,581
- (GRUNTING)
- 1680
- 01:27:32,874 --> 01:27:33,916
- Where?
- 1681
- 01:27:36,002 --> 01:27:37,211
- ROBERT: No!
- 1682
- 01:27:37,295 --> 01:27:41,382
- You can't have
- my teddy bear!
- 1683
- 01:27:47,847 --> 01:27:49,348
- Holy shit.
- 1684
- 01:27:49,432 --> 01:27:50,475
- Sorry.
- 1685
- 01:27:50,558 --> 01:27:52,518
- Somebody had to go Joan
- Crawford on that kid.
- 1686
- 01:27:52,810 --> 01:27:54,353
- Come on.
- 1687
- 01:27:59,025 --> 01:28:00,193
- Ted?
- 1688
- 01:28:06,908 --> 01:28:08,034
- Oh, my God!
- 1689
- 01:28:11,245 --> 01:28:12,288
- Shit!
- 1690
- 01:28:37,146 --> 01:28:38,147
- (GASPING)
- 1691
- 01:28:38,397 --> 01:28:39,440
- JOHN: Jesus.
- 1692
- 01:28:39,732 --> 01:28:41,651
- Stay here. Just stay there!
- No, John!
- 1693
- 01:28:52,954 --> 01:28:54,497
- You're mine, Ted!
- 1694
- 01:28:54,831 --> 01:28:57,333
- Screw you, pal.
- I belong to John Bennett.
- 1695
- 01:28:57,416 --> 01:29:01,087
- But I can give you love,
- and rocking horses,
- 1696
- 01:29:01,712 --> 01:29:03,256
- and dancing.
- 1697
- 01:29:03,548 --> 01:29:06,008
- I think we're very
- far apart on this.
- 1698
- 01:29:17,061 --> 01:29:18,104
- (RIPPING)
- 1699
- 01:29:26,362 --> 01:29:28,072
- Ted!
- 1700
- 01:29:56,475 --> 01:29:57,852
- (POLICE SIREN WAILING)
- 1701
- 01:30:16,120 --> 01:30:17,121
- Oh, my God!
- 1702
- 01:30:17,204 --> 01:30:18,456
- Ted!
- 1703
- 01:30:20,750 --> 01:30:21,834
- John.
- 1704
- 01:30:22,501 --> 01:30:24,337
- Lori, get the stuffing.
- Get it all.
- 1705
- 01:30:29,842 --> 01:30:31,302
- Johnny.
- 1706
- 01:30:31,510 --> 01:30:33,220
- You're going to be okay, buddy.
- Do you understand?
- 1707
- 01:30:33,304 --> 01:30:34,555
- You're going to be fine.
- 1708
- 01:30:35,389 --> 01:30:38,476
- Jesus, I look like
- the robot from Aliens.
- 1709
- 01:30:38,559 --> 01:30:40,436
- No, look at me, buddy.
- 1710
- 01:30:40,519 --> 01:30:42,021
- I promise,
- you're going to be okay.
- 1711
- 01:30:43,272 --> 01:30:45,733
- I don't think so. I'm...
- 1712
- 01:30:47,735 --> 01:30:48,819
- I'm in trouble.
- 1713
- 01:30:49,820 --> 01:30:50,863
- I need.
- 1714
- 01:30:51,364 --> 01:30:52,865
- I need to
- tell you something.
- 1715
- 01:30:53,366 --> 01:30:54,533
- What is it?
- 1716
- 01:30:56,786 --> 01:30:59,622
- Don't ever lose her again.
- 1717
- 01:31:00,373 --> 01:31:02,541
- She's the most important...
- 1718
- 01:31:02,708 --> 01:31:03,918
- (COUGHING)
- 1719
- 01:31:05,002 --> 01:31:07,338
- ...the most important
- part of your life.
- 1720
- 01:31:09,340 --> 01:31:12,051
- Even more than me.
- 1721
- 01:31:13,177 --> 01:31:15,721
- She's your
- thunder buddy now.
- 1722
- 01:31:16,889 --> 01:31:18,724
- She's...
- 1723
- 01:31:35,908 --> 01:31:37,284
- (THUNDER RUMBLING)
- 1724
- 01:32:01,642 --> 01:32:03,185
- I got it.
- 1725
- 01:32:18,951 --> 01:32:21,078
- Baby, I don't know if
- this is going to work.
- 1726
- 01:32:21,162 --> 01:32:22,288
- Please, just try.
- 1727
- 01:32:32,339 --> 01:32:34,008
- Come on, buddy.
- 1728
- 01:32:53,444 --> 01:32:54,570
- (SOBBING)
- 1729
- 01:33:20,513 --> 01:33:22,890
- I'm so sorry.
- 1730
- 01:33:23,349 --> 01:33:26,185
- You did everything
- you could.
- 1731
- 01:33:26,894 --> 01:33:28,896
- I'm so sorry.
- 1732
- 01:33:29,980 --> 01:33:31,065
- (THUNDER CRASHING)
- 1733
- 01:35:46,575 --> 01:35:47,660
- (SIGHS)
- 1734
- 01:36:03,300 --> 01:36:04,260
- Ted!
- 1735
- 01:36:04,343 --> 01:36:05,427
- I'm alive, Johnny!
- 1736
- 01:36:05,594 --> 01:36:06,595
- Oh, my God!
- 1737
- 01:36:06,679 --> 01:36:08,973
- I'm alive.
- Your magical wish worked!
- 1738
- 01:36:09,807 --> 01:36:10,849
- You're back!
- 1739
- 01:36:11,058 --> 01:36:12,935
- Yeah, I mean,
- when you sewed me up
- 1740
- 01:36:13,018 --> 01:36:14,895
- you put some of the stuffing
- in the wrong places
- 1741
- 01:36:14,979 --> 01:36:16,772
- so I'm a little fucked up.
- 1742
- 01:36:16,855 --> 01:36:19,692
- But will you take care of me
- forever and ever?
- 1743
- 01:36:21,819 --> 01:36:23,821
- (LAUGHS) I'm just kidding you.
- I thought it would be funny
- 1744
- 01:36:23,904 --> 01:36:25,489
- if you thought
- I was fucking retarded.
- 1745
- 01:36:25,864 --> 01:36:27,032
- You asshole!
- 1746
- 01:36:27,449 --> 01:36:29,368
- Come here, you bastard.
- 1747
- 01:36:29,702 --> 01:36:30,786
- (LAUGHING)
- 1748
- 01:36:31,203 --> 01:36:32,246
- Ah!
- 1749
- 01:36:32,538 --> 01:36:33,914
- Welcome back, Ted.
- 1750
- 01:36:36,625 --> 01:36:37,668
- It was you.
- 1751
- 01:36:38,919 --> 01:36:39,962
- YOU did it.
- 1752
- 01:36:40,421 --> 01:36:41,797
- Son of a bitch!
- 1753
- 01:36:42,298 --> 01:36:43,966
- You wished for
- my life back.
- 1754
- 01:36:44,216 --> 01:36:46,510
- No. No.
- 1755
- 01:36:46,719 --> 01:36:48,512
- I wished for my life back.
- 1756
- 01:37:01,275 --> 01:37:02,318
- I love you.
- 1757
- 01:37:02,735 --> 01:37:04,445
- I love you, too.
- 1758
- 01:37:06,447 --> 01:37:09,325
- And I want you to know that,
- after last night
- 1759
- 01:37:09,408 --> 01:37:12,453
- I don't ever want to lose anyone
- who matters to me ever again.
- 1760
- 01:37:12,536 --> 01:37:14,830
- I'm not going to wait any
- longer for my life to start.
- 1761
- 01:37:15,831 --> 01:37:17,291
- Lori,
- 1762
- 01:37:18,667 --> 01:37:20,169
- will you marry me?
- 1763
- 01:37:21,837 --> 01:37:24,590
- All I ever wanted
- was you, John Bennett.
- 1764
- 01:37:29,678 --> 01:37:34,475
- <i>NARRATOR: And so John, Lori and</i>
- <i>Ted lived happily ever after.</i>
- 1765
- 01:37:34,767 --> 01:37:39,646
- <i>Having discovered at last, that all</i>
- <i>they really needed was each other.</i>
- 1766
- 01:37:41,982 --> 01:37:45,069
- <i>John and Lori were</i>
- <i>married in Cambridge</i>
- 1767
- 01:37:45,152 --> 01:37:48,447
- <i>by a very special</i>
- <i>Justice of the Peace.</i>
- 1768
- 01:37:49,114 --> 01:37:51,867
- By the power vested in me
- 1769
- 01:37:51,950 --> 01:37:54,953
- by the New York Jets
- 1770
- 01:37:55,079 --> 01:37:59,083
- and by the united peoples
- of the planet Mongo,
- 1771
- 01:37:59,208 --> 01:38:03,003
- I now pronounce
- you man and wife.
- 1772
- 01:38:03,087 --> 01:38:05,381
- You may kiss the bride,
- Johnny.
- 1773
- 01:38:09,051 --> 01:38:10,135
- (CHEERING)
- 1774
- 01:38:23,899 --> 01:38:26,902
- (MOUTHING)
- Hi. Tom Skerritt.
- 1775
- 01:38:27,319 --> 01:38:28,821
- (MOUTHING)
- Tom Skerritt! Wow!
- 1776
- 01:38:29,279 --> 01:38:31,532
- Thanks so much for coming.
- 1777
- 01:38:31,615 --> 01:38:34,827
- My daughter better be alive,
- you sick son of a bitch.
- 1778
- 01:38:35,994 --> 01:38:39,039
- I am so fake-happy
- for her.
- 1779
- 01:39:05,941 --> 01:39:09,278
- You know, Sam, there's only
- one way to end a perfect day.
- 1780
- 01:39:09,361 --> 01:39:10,320
- What's that?
- 1781
- 01:39:10,404 --> 01:39:11,488
- Flash jump.
- 1782
- 01:39:11,572 --> 01:39:13,198
- Right.
- 1783
- 01:39:13,282 --> 01:39:16,285
- BOTH: One, two, three!
- 1784
- 01:39:16,452 --> 01:39:18,704
- Yeah!
- 1785
- 01:39:22,374 --> 01:39:26,128
- <i>NARRATOR: And that's the story</i>
- <i>of how one magical wish</i>
- 1786
- 01:39:26,211 --> 01:39:30,632
- <i>forever changed the lives</i>
- <i>of three very special friends.</i>
- 1787
- 01:39:31,049 --> 01:39:35,762
- <i>Ted and Tami-Lynn continued their</i>
- <i>torrid love affair for quite some time.</i>
- 1788
- 01:39:35,846 --> 01:39:39,141
- <i>One afternoon, Ted was caught</i>
- <i>behind the deli counter</i>
- 1789
- 01:39:39,224 --> 01:39:42,686
- <i>eating potato salad off of</i>
- <i>Tami-Lynn's bare bottom.</i>
- 1790
- 01:39:42,769 --> 01:39:46,190
- <i>He was instantly</i>
- <i>promoted to store manager.</i>
- 1791
- 01:39:46,565 --> 01:39:48,859
- <i>Sam Jones moved</i>
- <i>back to Hollywood</i>
- 1792
- 01:39:48,942 --> 01:39:51,528
- <i>with the goal of</i>
- <i>restarting his film career.</i>
- 1793
- 01:39:51,612 --> 01:39:53,530
- <i>He currently</i>
- <i>resides in Burbank</i>
- 1794
- 01:39:53,614 --> 01:39:55,574
- <i>where he shares</i>
- <i>a studio apartment</i>
- 1795
- 01:39:56,408 --> 01:39:57,910
- <i>with his roommate,</i>
- <i>Brandon Routh.</i>
- 1796
- 01:39:57,993 --> 01:40:01,705
- <i>Remember Brandon Routh from</i>
- <i>that God-awful Superman movie?</i>
- 1797
- 01:40:01,788 --> 01:40:03,248
- <i>Jesus Christ!</i>
- 1798
- 01:40:03,332 --> 01:40:07,211
- <i>Thanks for getting our hopes up</i>
- <i>and taking a giant shit on us.</i>
- 1799
- 01:40:07,586 --> 01:40:10,797
- <i>Rex was forced to give up</i>
- <i>his pursuit of Lori.</i>
- 1800
- 01:40:10,881 --> 01:40:13,800
- <i>Not long afterward, he fell</i>
- <i>into a deep depression</i>
- 1801
- 01:40:13,884 --> 01:40:16,220
- <i>and died of</i>
- <i>Lou Gehrig's disease.</i>
- 1802
- 01:40:16,678 --> 01:40:19,181
- <i>Donny was arrested</i>
- <i>by Boston police</i>
- 1803
- 01:40:19,264 --> 01:40:22,017
- <i>and charged with</i>
- <i>kidnapping a plush toy.</i>
- 1804
- 01:40:22,100 --> 01:40:24,645
- <i>The charges were dropped</i>
- <i>when everyone realized</i>
- 1805
- 01:40:24,728 --> 01:40:27,231
- <i>how completely stupid</i>
- <i>that sounded.</i>
- 1806
- 01:40:27,689 --> 01:40:31,109
- <i>Robert got a trainer, lost a</i>
- <i>substantial amount of weight</i>
- 1807
- 01:40:31,193 --> 01:40:32,486
- <i>and went on to become</i>
- 1808
- 01:40:32,569 --> 01:40:34,613
- <i>Taylor Lautner.</i>
- 1809
- 01:40:34,813 --> 01:40:49,813
- Please don't forget to rate this Subtitle in Subscene.com.
- Thanks to www.yify-torrents.com for providing awesome qualty releases.
Advertisement
Add Comment
Please, Sign In to add comment
Advertisement