Tidbits

Thanksgiving? What holiday? It comes once a year, it receives only six hours of preparation, and anyone smart couldn’t care less about it, just like the SOLs at TJ.

	Who decided we needed a holiday to celebrate a time when two groups of people didn’t kill each other? There’s a reason we don’t celebrate it when someone does the bare minimum to not fail. If that were the case, my IBET paper would be a national treasure.

	So where does the community stand on November Christmas promotions? To find out, I asked Cheryl Mensah, current senior, to continue her streak of being quoted in thirty-seven straight issues of tjTODAY. “I freaking love it,” she said.

	Take the red cups at Starbucks, for example. That was my prompt for this article - “write about how Starbucks is already issuing holiday cups!” So you want a Thanksgiving cup? You want a turkey on your cup? Turkeys are the Danny Devito of birds. They’re so dumb they can’t survive without the president granting them legal immunity. And you advocate for them?

No, Christmas cups are better since you should always have a symbol of capitalist greed staring at you with every sip. This somehow justifies the fact that you just spent five dollars on ground beans soaked in water. People are just mad because nobody trusts teenagers drinking out of red cups any time of the year.

	And if we’d like to talk about useless, we can’t forget Columbus Day, but if I have to celebrate the systematic extermination of an entire continent’s worth of people to get a day off from school, then dangit, I will.