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IT'S USELESS IT'S ALL USELESS

castfromhp
Apr 10th, 2013
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  1. [19:56:27] [~zoofman] The doll begins to smolder. The smoke coming from it is much thicker than you anticipated.
  2. [19:56:51] [~zoofman] The Ruby necklace seems to flash a red light as the smoke fills the room, enveloping your sight...then...fades.
  3. [19:57:55] * Genevieve looks down at the ruby then back up at the rest of the room. "You here, Deceiver?"
  4. [19:57:58] * Saryx has quit (Quit: )
  5. [19:58:04] [~zoofman] You stand in a dark room with black marble floor. A red carpet leading to a gold throne with red silks. There sits a light skinned man with red hair, a tan suit, a cape draped over the throne.
  6. [19:58:35] [~zoofman] Two braizers to the sides of the throne crackle as he slowly stirs. He was asleep, kneeling on one arm.
  7. [19:59:16] [~zoofman] He yawns as he looks over. "Ah. Crap. Was only a matter of time before you figured that out I guess."
  8. [20:00:13] * Botherer (Botherer@sux-DD2124CF.nycmny.fios.verizon.net) has joined #easternislesrhapsody
  9. [20:00:18] [~zoofman] "Whaddya waaaaant." he yawns again. "Still sleepy."
  10. [20:00:55] [Genevieve] Gen walks towards the throne, necklace still in hand, but she smiles. "Figuring things out is what I do. I wanted to have a chat, I don't know how up to speed you are on what's going on."
  11. [20:03:29] [~zoofman] "Bleeeh." He waves dismissively. "Yeah, yeah. Broken Lord finally kicked the bucket. The dumb purple party animal and the skinny weirdo murderskinner guy are looking for the new girl."
  12. [20:04:15] [~zoofman] "What's that gotta do with me though?"
  13. [20:06:55] [Genevieve] "You waking up is supposed to be a big deal, but you're not the only one." Gen crosses her arms. "I've got a lot of boring questions about dimensions and Unown and stuff, but the important one is can you help us find and protect the new girl?"
  14. [20:10:02] [~zoofman] He stretches some. "Maaan, help save the world once or twice and everyone thinks you're omnipotent. Why do you think your prettyboy bard friend got picked out by the giant purple dream eater?"
  15. [20:11:21] [Genevieve] "Because you guys can't or shouldn't interfere directly. I've already heard that."
  16. [20:13:04] [~zoofman] He nods. "I got no idea how scissorhands manifested in your dirty grimey fleshy space. But eventually? He's gonna burn out and be back here like the rest."
  17. [20:13:45] [~zoofman] "We can't sustain that for extended periods. It drains us. Much, much easier to bring servants back and forth and send messages."
  18. [20:14:36] [~zoofman] "And LAST TIME it happened to me was like friggen 20 years ago. Some jerks killed all my servants and summoned me to try to kill me. Seriously who does that?"
  19. [20:15:12] [Genevieve] "You are called the Deceiver and you've got a history of being a jerk."
  20. [20:15:48] [~zoofman] "Pft. DETAILS. The Dittos exagerate. They got exactly what we agreed to."
  21. [20:17:03] [~zoofman] "Look, point is girlie down there ain't gonna poof any time soon, speciailly cause she isn't bein' all god-like. We can last a good while but the kickback is like four-to-one."
  22. [20:17:37] [Genevieve] Gen looks up, distracted. "I really gotta get one of those." She faces the man in the throne again. "Whatever. So sustaining on our side is difficult, so you pull people back and forth. That's fine, but do you, like, actually provide help that way?"
  23. [20:19:03] [~zoofman] "Look hun, I told ya, my servants are all dead at the moment and not exactly in tip top shape to start the whole formin' cults shit quite yet. Ain't in season yet either."
  24. [20:20:13] * Genevieve rolls her eyes. "You're an idiot. I'd be willing to play servant at least until this whole thing gets fixed."
  25. [20:22:43] [~zoofman] "Oooooh well scuuuuuuse me sugar for not being presumptious for once." He yawns, examines his fingernails. "Not to mention the order's all screwed up now. I'm supposed to offer you a deal that sounds sorta forboding but fair but it's not exactly what you expected, GEEZ THANKS. Where the hell you find that keystone anyway?"
  26. [20:24:49] [Genevieve] "From some bandits holed up in Urmasheron's Rest. You knew him, right?"
  27. [20:27:42] [~zoofman] He starts to laugh. It's human at first, then grows monstrous in sound and volume as it bounces off the walls of this chamber. "-Knew- him? Yes. Yes. Long time enemy, always was the asshat of the originals."
  28. [20:27:57] [~zoofman] "Alll he wanted to do was destroy the world and recreate it as he saw fit, no big deal right?"
  29. [20:28:27] [Genevieve] "Sounds like he and Grant would have got along great."
  30. [20:31:19] [~zoofman] He shrugs. "Audino. Imma guess some moronic pygmie stole that 'shiny' and it just ended up there somehow. Urmaresheron has been dead for 150 years. His time passed the second the Voidmind took his place. Well least someone nice to look at found it this time."
  31. [20:34:36] [~zoofman] "Better hold onto that if you weren't just puffing hot air about the volunteerin' thing cause I sure as hell ain't gonna pay for a new one."
  32. [20:36:11] [Genevieve] "I wasn't just lying, I'd be interested, I'd just need details before signing anything." She cocks her head. "How much do you know about usurping divinity?"
  33. [20:36:51] [~zoofman] "HAHAHAHAHAHA"
  34. [20:36:59] [~zoofman] The chamber shakes as the sound echoes.
  35. [20:37:41] [Genevieve] "What, did you write the book?"
  36. [20:38:10] [~zoofman] "Oh jeez you're killin' me. Who ya think the mortals who started doing that got the idea from? Our entire existance is a friggen row of dominoes. Look, when Urmaresheron finally kicked the bucket, he got replaced by The Voidmind."
  37. [20:39:08] [~zoofman] "Doing so instantly kicked two other Gods out of divinity. One of the newer replacements did the same just by luck. We act up to much, we risk someone coming along and puttin' the axe to us."
  38. [20:40:10] [~zoofman] "What's this gotta do with what's going on in the land of the livin' though?'
  39. [20:40:22] [Genevieve] "Well, yeah, I put that together. What I mean is, someone is out there eating legendary hearts and looking for a baby god to butcher. Is there a way to reverse it or strip those powers once they're taken?"
  40. [20:41:18] [~zoofman] His face scrunches some.
  41. [20:41:37] [~zoofman] "Wait. Waitwaitwaitwait. A human. Tryin' to eat the new born."
  42. [20:41:49] [~zoofman] "..." He gets up, pacing around a bit.
  43. [20:42:18] [~zoofman] "Yeah can't say I ever heard of that happening. Wonder what it'd do. Hrm."
  44. [20:42:36] [Genevieve] "Human, maybe. There's this...other thing that might be doing it, too, we're not really sure WHAT that is."
  45. [20:42:56] [~zoofman] "And yeah if you kill em' the powers poof up to ol' goat boy and he makes new ones or something."
  46. [20:44:22] * Aori_Radidjiu (Revolution@sux-32336578.itap.purdue.edu) has joined #easternislesrhapsody
  47. [20:45:38] [~zoofman] "I dunno about any of that business though. I deal with Love and slowly watching things fall apart as I watch in amusement. Like Divorce. Divorce is funny."
  48. [20:46:30] [Genevieve] "I'd really rather not have 'just kill the god' as our back up plan." Gen pulls out her phone and finds a still image of Dandyman from Corbin's last video. She walks over to Deceiver and shows him the screen. "This one of you guys?"
  49. [20:47:33] [~zoofman] He jumps back a bit. "DAYUM HE MORE FUG THAN EVERHUNGRY."
  50. [20:48:23] [Genevieve] "You should have seen him in action, things got creepier."
  51. [20:48:32] [~zoofman] He looks over it closer after that, shakes his head. "Nada. Too flashy."
  52. [20:48:45] [~zoofman] "Those eyes make me think of somethin' though."
  53. [20:49:29] [Genevieve] "What's that?" Gen closes out of the picture and puts her phone away.
  54. [20:52:07] [~zoofman] He returns to sitting, crosses a leg over the other. "You know what they say about folks who make deals with the devil?"
  55. [20:52:47] [Genevieve] "Besides being huge idiots who go to hell for it?"
  56. [20:53:27] [~zoofman] "He brands ya." He pokes at you and makes a hissing sound. "Gotta sign the contract somehow."
  57. [20:53:43] [~zoofman] "Most common way I recall it ever being done is the eyes."
  58. [20:54:04] [~zoofman] "So if I had to guess this is all fucking his fault. Again."
  59. [20:54:09] [~zoofman] "God we need to fire that jerk."
  60. [20:55:01] * Genevieve blinks a moment. "Wait wait wait. I hadn't even heard of you guys until I fell into the Library, but you basically confirm that Bondye exists. Who's the devil then?"
  61. [20:56:18] [~zoofman] He makes some hand gestures to calm yourself. "Well he's not really SATAN as you're thinkin cause that's stupid. But I'm referrin' to that dumb lizard who watches over the souls of the dead."
  62. [20:56:26] [~zoofman] Roll me Occult Edu
  63. [20:56:43] [~zoofman] "Bondye musta been trippin' balls the day he let that guy make deals with mortals."
  64. [20:56:52] [Genevieve] 2d6
  65. [20:56:53] [DiceMaid-9001] Genevieve, 2d6: 9 [2d6=6,3]
  66. [20:57:17] [~zoofman] You're -pretty sure- he's talking about Giratina
  67. [20:57:30] [~zoofman] Who is often depicted with big red glowy eyes
  68. [20:58:16] [Genevieve] "Giratina?"
  69. [20:58:30] [~zoofman] "Yeah that butthead."
  70. [20:58:49] [Genevieve] "Oh man, Deceiver doesn't like him, he must really be an ass."
  71. [20:59:25] [~zoofman] "We used to play Poker on Lunar Eclipses till we found out he was counting cards. Jerk."
  72. [21:00:17] [~zoofman] "If he likes ya, he likes ya, if he doesn't well you best lawyer up cause he's gonna screw ya over."
  73. [21:00:57] [Genevieve] "Who makes a deal with the devil to go cut up some cultists and eat hearts?"
  74. [21:01:23] [~zoofman] He rests his head on a palm. "Fuck if I know girl. How about I go have you ask him what the eff he did this time."
  75. [21:02:09] [Genevieve] "...that won't get me killed, right?"
  76. [21:03:46] [~zoofman] He sighs, leaning back. "I'll be real, you waking me up was about a tenfold dumber than this."
  77. [21:04:00] [~zoofman] "Though it's not something you should do unprepared."
  78. [21:05:51] [Genevieve] "Alright, point taken. What would I need to do to prepare?"
  79. [21:06:37] [~zoofman] The Deciever hrrms as he looks over you. "First, what the hell are you looking for out of taking up my banner?"
  80. [21:08:33] * Genevieve frowns. "I'd say help, but I guess it's really power. I don't think we can handle something this big without looking for something outside and you -should- have a vested interest in restoring stability."
  81. [21:09:47] * zoofman has quit (Ping timeout)
  82. [21:10:03] * zoofman (zoofenhamm@sux-F0B768DA.hsd1.pa.comcast.net) has joined #easternislesrhapsody
  83. [21:10:03] * UboaServ sets mode +q on #easternislesrhapsody zoofman
  84. [21:10:03] * UboaServ gives channel operator status to zoofman
  85. [21:11:20] * zoofdude (zoofenhamm@sux-F0B768DA.hsd1.pa.comcast.net) has joined #easternislesrhapsody
  86. [21:11:47] [zoofdude] !dm9001 lastlines #5
  87. [21:13:00] [zoofdude] "Hmmmm."
  88. [21:13:10] [zoofdude] "What was this about Dittos you mentioned?"
  89. [21:13:13] * zoofman has quit (Ping timeout)
  90. [21:13:18] * zoofdude is now known as zoofman
  91. [21:15:35] [Genevieve] "Ah, well, that's-" she pauses to sort her thoughts, "The world-ending cultists are building Mewtwos, but I recovered some samples and am going to attempt to reverse engineer the Mew genome. I wanted to do some experiments in Mew cloning that would benefit from some Ditto eggs."
  92. [21:16:23] [zoofman] He raises an eyebrow.
  93. [21:16:32] [zoofman] "What in the hell do they tell you Dittos are nowadays?"
  94. [21:17:59] [Genevieve] "Hey, there's scientific...speculation to support the theory that they're little puddles of stem cells. And/or a genetic similarity to Mew given that both are capable of rearranging their cells."
  95. [21:18:39] [zoofman] He thinks for a moment.
  96. [21:19:05] [zoofman] "EH. SCIENCE." He shrugs.
  97. [21:20:58] [zoofman] "Alright, then. You wish to act on the behalf of little old me? And a favor to me, sorta, I guess. Errrgh. Man I'm not used to this BEING helped part."
  98. [21:21:20] [Genevieve] "Really, it'd be quite the scientific break through to discover a method of creating true clones of any species rather than resorting to corrupted DNA and symbiotic development like with the Mewtwo process and-" she gushes, then stops to catch her breath, "it's really not related to the world saving thing, it's just what I think about in my spare time to deal with the stress."
  99. [21:22:27] [zoofman] "I can't grant you any special powers or anything as I am. Later? Maybe. We'll see about that. I'll also think of some fancy ass title for you later if you want the cultists always thought that shit was rad. In return for you investigating and acting as I cannot..."
  100. [21:23:40] [Genevieve] "I don't really need a title, I worked hard enough for 'doctor', just getting one for free feels like cheating."
  101. [21:24:15] [zoofman] "I can assure you that Dittos will be a presence in this undertaking."
  102. [21:26:01] [Genevieve] "Sounds promising. Anything specific you want me to look into right away or is this something where you'll call when you need me?"
  103. [21:26:59] [zoofman] He points at the necklace.
  104. [21:28:04] [Genevieve] "Alright, I'll keep an ear out. Do I have to sign something or shake hands or what?"
  105. [21:28:17] [zoofman] "You continue as you were. I really mean it when I need my shut eye ya know. But I'll be keepin' an eye half open on things. If somethin' is up, I'll let you know."
  106. [21:29:31] [zoofman] "Pht. Naw. You'll simply wake up about now if you truely agree."
  107. [21:29:55] [Genevieve] "Good, thank you. I'll spread the word that you aren't as much of a jerk as we thought. I agree."
  108. [21:30:32] [zoofman] He snickers as smoke from the braizers covers the room...
  109. [21:30:40] [zoofman] You awake on the floor where you started this.
  110. [21:30:46] [zoofman] There's a stinging sensation on the back of your neck.
  111. [21:31:11] * Genevieve takes out a compact and opens it, angling the mirror to look at her neck.
  112. [21:32:08] [zoofman] There's a tattoo on the back of it. A red heart with a miasmic purple ring around it.
  113. [21:32:17] [zoofman] Intuition roll will ya~
  114. [21:32:33] [Genevieve] 2d6
  115. [21:32:44] [DiceMaid-9001] Genevieve, 2d6: 4 [2d6=2,2]
  116. [21:33:13] [zoofman] Well, it's evident whatever happened, this is probably what 'bound' it
  117. [21:33:21] [zoofman] but the tattoo doesn't really remind you of anything.
  118. [21:33:42] [Genevieve] "At least it's cute."
  119. [21:33:45] [zoofman] (annnnd /mini I think unless you got any last minute comments on it~)
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