The Shimmering Spider-Woman! Issue #7

>Be Anon
"...."
>I said, be Anon
"......"
>Hello? Earth to spastic, come in, fucktard!
"........Heh."
>Ugh
>And this, children, is your brain on Happiness
>To be fair, it's not every day you manage to stumble your way into a relationship with a super sweet, super cool, super hot, super powered girlfriend
>For you, it probably wouldn't have been any day, ever
>But hey, who are you to look a gift horse in the mouth?
>Anyways, it's a couple of weeks since Sunset's lips told yours that the two of you were dating in a pretty decisive manner
>You've been on Cloud 9 since then, texting Sunny, eating lunch together, holding hands...
>It's amazing
>Not only that, but when she's Spider-Woman, she lets you take pictures to post in your threads!
>People call bullshit and talk about shoops, but over all, they're just as happy to see more of their favorite spider-heroine as you are
>Sunny seems to enjoy the positive response too, even making a few anonymous posts herself just to drum up more interest
>You're starting to think that, between the pictures and swinging around the city in only red and blue tights, your girlfriend is an exhibitionist
>Hot
>Today, however, is Saturday and that meant a date night with your lady-friend

"Squee~!"

>Very squee
>You had it all set up
>Sunny would come over, you'd walk together to this little diner around the corner, a movie at the nearby cinema, then cuddles on the couch
>It was perfect
>Sunset'd even agreed to leave the costume at home, so no superheroics to interrupt anything
>No offense, you really, really liked Sunny, but you were only human and the non-stop villain attacks were kind of wearing you down
>Plus whatever had been watching you that night so long ago...
>But not this time
>This time you were gonna just be a girl and a passably human guy
>Totally normal
>...Right?
>God you hope things go well
>A glance at the clock tells you it's only five in the evening
>You look down and realize that you'd gotten ready over two hours before your actual date
>Fuck
>Nothing to do now but wait
>....
>Another look at the clock
>5:01
>You might go mad from anticipation
>Right, internet, internet will help
>Smother the dread anticipation in your gut with pornography and memes
>This is a healthy life
>....
>Time passes, as it does, and you look at your phone
>7:30?
>Sunny's late
>A quick check shows no missed texts or messages
>Weird
>Might have gotten held up with something
>No big deal, you could skip the movie and just bring some food back to your place
>It'll be like the first time she came over, but hopefully with less awkwardness and more kissing
>She'll probably like it
>A few quick taps and you send her a text, just checking in
>Your eyes return to your monitor, humming and tapping your fingers as you scroll through pages for decent chinese, placing an order for a veggie meal and some shrimp with broccoli
>There, that should do it
>....
>Your stomach grumbles and you tap your phone screen again, digital clock reading 9:20
>Still no messages
>The chinese sits beside your monitor, starting to cool
>ThePanicRises.png
>You try calling, but there's no response
"Fuck..."
>You've got a bad feeling about this
>Hesitantly, your fingers brush over the keyboard
>/sup/
>There's a thread stickiedy to the top of the front page
>Your breath stops as you read the title
>"Spider Getting Squashed"
>It's pretty recent
>The whole thing is videos and comments on your girlfriend getting trashed by a group of supervillains
>Sandmare, Doctor Octopus, the Rhino, Electro, Mysterio, and the Shocker
>There are people chiming in, real time, naming the group The Sinister Six
>Each video varies in quality, but all have the same content
>Rhino tackling Sunset through bricks, Octopus crushing her with those tentacles, it goes on
>And almost none of Sunset winning
>One shot gets a good look at her struggling to stand, an arm hanging at her side limply
>Another post tells you all you need to know
>"Looks like they're at Canterlot Library, rip dead media and spdey"

>You're in your car before you know it, keys in the ignition, gunning down the street
>What are you doing?
>You can't fight those freak, what could you do for Sunset?
>Better to stay home and wait in your room, watching, like you've always done
"No, no FUCK that! Sunny's in trouble and I'm not letting a bunch of morons in bad costumes beat her to death."
>So what's the plan, Mr. Badass?
>That makes you pause
>What was your fucking plan?
".... Burn that bridge when we cross it..."

"...... Fuck."
>Well, you found the library
>What's left of it, at least
>The place looks like a fucking warzone, a far cry from the last time you were here
>Police have cordoned off what they can, but with debris and cars haphazardly arranged, it's not hard to park your car and slip past to where you can hear the fighting
>Creeping among the rubble, you catch a glance of the Sinister Six
>They've formed a circle, save Rhino, who's standing in the middle, laughing and pushing around your girlfriend, who limps and struggles to even stay upright
>A shove sends her into the arms of Electro, who shocks her back into Rhino's fist, making a crunch that you can hear from here
>For all their dramatics and costumes, villains really are just bullies
>Like six super-powered Flash's
>It makes you hate them even more
>But what could you do? You might as well be nobody.
>.... And maybe that's all you need to be? Even Sunset, at her worst, only paid you the barest of attention. Flash kept forgetting to pummel you for dating Sunny.
>Maybe these villains would be the same?
>Only one way to find out.

"U-Um, hey, uh, Rhino... How's it going?"
>Silence reigns as you stand out in the open, all six villains (and Sunny) eyeing you with confusion, incredulity, and surprise
>This is it
>This is how you die
>Standing here, like an idio-
>"Ahem, well, hey there cutie"
>Rhino, thankfully, stops kicking seven shades of webbing out of Sunset and swaggers towards you, pushing past the loose ring of psycho criminals with a swagger that terrifies you on a deep, personal level
>"What brings a cute guy like you out of the blue?"
>Don't panic-vomit, don't panic-vomit oh god she's pushing her tits together and you couldn't be less aroused
>This woman is walking, talking, death-by-snu-snu
>You find your voice, which you're proud to say only squeaks a little bit
"Ah, well, y-ykno-"
>"Rhinowhatthehell!?"
>Immediately an electric-blue woman-shaped bolt of lightening crashes into place beside you, glaring up at the massive muscle mountain
>"Yeah, dude, we're kinda in the middle of- hey, it's you again!"
>Oh god, and now Shocker's on the other side of you, looking you over before looking up to Rhino
>"Wait, you know him too, dude?"
>The terrible trio start to talk (at least you think Electro is talk, it's hard to catch at that speed) before you catch something
>"Y'know, Rhino, I thought you only dug big strong dudes. If you want, I could take him off your hands, he's kinda cute. Plus, didn't even squeal when I put my sonic blaster to his face. Major cool points for that."
>Wait what now?
>Shocker's eyeing you through her purple goggles, giving you a wink
>Rhino stomps in front of her, arms crossed, and snorts
>"Hey, I an date outside my type! 'Sides, he appreciates a strong woman, don't you, babe"
>Sweet christ, she's wiggling her eyebrows and flexing more muscles than you have in your whole body
>"Yeah right, dude, you'd break him in half! Nah, guy like him? I bet he's into something a little bit... softer~"
>Abruptly, Shocker's full, cushioned breasts press against your arm, her voice an electronic purr in your ear
>"What do you think, dude?"
>I think I want off of Miss Shocker's Wild Ride please
>Before you can answer, another voice chimes in
>"Imbeciles! Are you schoolgirls!? Did you come here to moon over some boy, cute as he is, or did you come here to kill Spider-Woman!?"
>"Agreed! I, the Great and Powerful Mysterio, find this to be a frivolous distraction from my ultimate goal!"
>The eight legged freak and the helmeted harasser join the fracas, which erupts into a full blown argument as they supervillains bicker and posture, with you trapped in the middle
>Great...
>But you get a glimpse past the wall of women to see Sunny limping away
>Great!
>But, uh... now how do you get out of here...?

>"YOU ARE UNDER ARREST! GET ON THE GROUND AND PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!"
>Ohthankgodit'sthecops!
>"Ohshitit'sthecops!"
>In a city with super-powered wackjobs, it's easy to forget that there are normal, non-costumed people who can show up
>Doctor Octopussy snarls and turns away, gesturing to the others with a tentacle as she stomps off over a rooftop
>"And because of this foolishness, she's gotten away! We'll finish this next time, now move, simpletons!"
>Mysterio vanishes in a swirl of blue and white smoke, swearing that this wasn't the last they'd seen of her
>Kinda obvious, they're openly working together, of course they'd meet again
>Sandmare, who'd been totally silent this whole time, just turns into a grey tornado and whirls away, a blank expression on her face
>That leaves just the Rhino, Shocker, Electro, and you
>Unfortunately, Rhino wasn't going to leave without taking you with her and  Shocker was clearly just egging her on for its own sake, not out of any real interest in you
>Before long it becomes a dangerous game of tug-of-war, with you in the middle and the supervillainess's on each arm, pulling in opposite directions
>"LET HIM GO, YOU TONE-DEAF HOE!"
>Holy shit, you feel your shoulder pop as Rhino gives the barest of tugs
>Tears of pain well up in your eyes, blurring your vision, teeth clenched tight to bite back a scream
>"Woah, dude, no way! 'Specially not now, you brain-dead cow! Wait, dammit, now you've got me doing it!"
>Shocker's techno gauntlets dig into your arm, squeezing like a vice
>"HE'S MINE!"
>"He's mine, dude!"
>"MI-"

>There's a sudden flash, a smell of ozone, and your chest feels like it's collapsing
>The two villains drop you immediately, staring at Electro, her hand pointed towards your now-bare, smoking chest
>"Nowhe'snoone's,youidiots,sogetmoving!"
>She's gone in a flash and the other two soon follow, leaving you twitching and smoking in the middle of the parking lot
"...Oh..."
>No, you stand corrected
>THIS is DEFINITELY how you die
>Strangely, despite the body-wracking agony, you're kind of okay with this
>Darkness flickers at the edges of your vision, closing in as lights shine over you
>Well... at least... you helped Sunny...

>'Beep... Beep...'
>Honestly?
>This could be worse
>Sure, you're in emergency care at Canterlot Medical
>And sure, you were nearly killed by three supervillains, one of whom wants to ride you until your pelvis is atomized
>Obviously there were the little hiccups of missed classwork, the poor hospital internet, and the somewhat depressing fact that absolutely none of your classmates had sent so much as a get-well-soon card
>The Canterlot Seven don't count, they were Sunset's friend's
>And speaking of Sunny...
>You look down to see her napping in a chair beside your hospital bed, both hands clutching onto your own as you use the other to read the news from your phone
>Well, there were reasons why it could be worse
>Even in the dark you can see the bruises and cuts that cover her face
>You'd never really thought about what could happen if Sunny lost to one of those psychos
>The idea that you could lose her just as suddenly as she'd entered your life..?
>You bring her hands to your lips and kiss them, setting your phone aside to stroke her hair

"But at least we have each other..."