Mando in Equestria ch.6

>Oh Osik, was someone peeling your ribs apart?
>Your eyes flutter open and the light that greets them hurts.
>You bring up your right hand to block some light and try to sit up.
>'Ribs here, yeah, fuck you'
>You groan and just roll out of the bed you were laying in.
>Your boots touch the ground and you hear the jingle of loose straps.
>After a minute of looking constipated, you finally fully open your eyes.
>It looks like your in a hospital.
>A small glass of water sits next to you on a bedstand with a note in some language you don't understand.
>You down the water and sigh as it soothes your dry throat.
>Ignoring the pain in your ribs, you push yourself up off of the small bed.
>You shuffle around the room, grabbing your helmet and various other things that had been removed from your armor.
>You pop your helmet on and carry your jetpack by a strap.
>All of your weapons are absent, but you are in a hospital.
>You shuffle out into the hallway, your boots making squeaking noises against the polished floor.
>"Are you allowed to be out of bed?"
>You turn around to see a white and pink nurse pony. "Well?"
>You grunt and return to your half-dead shuffle.
>"Have you at least received your painkillers?" Painkillers? You turn around and look at the nurse.
>"Painkillers? I could go for some of those." The nurse rolls her eyes.
>"Did you get the note on your injuries? It was next to the water."
>Next to the..."Uhh, I couldn't read it.."
>Looked like a bunch of squiggles to you.
>"But...you speak Equestrian..you can't read it?"
>You shrug and wince at the pressure on your ribs. "Follow me, I'll get you some painkillers. The Princess also left you a note."
>You grunt and shuffle along behind the nurse. "What does the note say?"
>"I have no clue, I couldn't read it."
>The nurse heads around a corner and into a room. "It should be about.... here!"
>She pops her head out of the room, a bag and a note held in her mouth.
>She drops them into your outstretched hand.
>You pull open the note and curse.
>No wonder she couldn't read it. It was written in Mando'a.
>Damn Celestia.
>The nurse stares at your expression. "Uhh, is everything all right?"
>You look at the nurse. Well, she seems alright. "Celestia wants to give me another job..."
>The nurse blinks. "Uhh, job?"
>You shake your head. "Nevermind that. Do you know who or what the 'Elements of Harmony' are?"
>" Oh, them? They're some of the nicest ponies. There's Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle.."
>Damn you Celestia! You toss the note away.
>"You won't enjoy your job, will you?" You rest your helmeted head in your hand.
>"Not one bit. Seems I even have to find a place in ponyville."
>The nurse seems to think for a bit. "Well, I know somep0ny looking for a housemate."
>Better then anything. You take down the information.
>"Thanks, you're one of the few p0nes I've met that I can deal with.."
>She laughs. "It's called being a nurse, Hun."
>"One question, shouldn't you be stopping me from leaving till I'm cleared?"
>"The Princess said not to stop you if you decided to leave. Something about being hard headed?"
>You grunt and hold out a hand. "Anonymous."
>She shakes with her hoof. "Nurse Redheart. I take it you couldn't read the nametag?"
>"No, I couldn't."
>"Well, off you go. And remember, no alcohol with those meds."
>You step out of the hospital, carrying your Jetpack in one hand and your painkillers in the other.
>If there's alcohol, you know where you're going. You don't even question how you ended up in Ponyville.
>Probably Celestia, damn her.
>You pop off your helmet and down two of the painkillers. You shove the bottle in a satchel on your belt.
>You look over the information you gained from Redheart. "I'm looking for a...Berry Punch."
>You sigh and rub the bridge of your nose. Let's see.
>Find the Elements or get wasted?
>"Hey, I know you!" You look straight up, staring at an approaching grey and blond p0ny.
>"Uhhh, hello?" The p0ny leaps at you and wraps herself around your chest in a hug.
>"Thank you for saving me and my Dinky!" She let go and dug around in a satchel holding letters.
>"Dinky made this, She said to hive it to you if I ever saw you again."
>She hoofed you a a small drawing. It was a picture of you, Luna, the p0ny in front of you, a small unicorn and Discord.
>It looked like the ponies were cheering you on while you aimed your Z-6.
>You couldn't read the writing, but you smiled at it. "Errr, thanks?"
>She nods. "My name is Derpy." You pocket the drawing and stand awkwardly.
>And stand.
>And stand.
>Finally, Derpy flutters off.
>Maybe these things arn't so bad.
>"What are YOU doing here!?"
>You thought to fast.
>You turn around to stare at a white unicorn. Rarity, you think her name is.
>"Well? You savage brute! Do you have anything to say for yourself?"
>You roll your eyes. You're too sober to deal with her.
>You open your mouth to speak only to get a hoof shoved in your face.
>You resist the urge to rip it off and beat her to death with it.
>"Save it you wretch! I don't want to hear anything you would have to say."
>"You know what?" You have the nastiest sneer on her face. "I'm soooo sorry for hurting such a DELICATE little flower."
>She doesn't catch your sarcasm. "E-excuse me?" "You heard me!" You give her the universal hand sign and stalk off.
>You stop the first p0ny you see, a brown male with some timepiece on his flank.
>He points you to the nearest bar and you happily head in the direction he showed you.
>You arrive in front of a small building, tucked in tightly against what you think is an Inn.
>You open the door and music blares loudly from inside.
>You step in and look around. Ponies sit around drinking, eating, and.. licking salt blocks?
>You sigh and sit at the bar. "Woah, Arn't you a strange looking fella?"
>You set your helmet down and look at the pony behind the bar.
>He looks familiar...almost like....what was her name?
>Ahh, Derpy. He looks kind of like her.
>You shift the jetpack you've placed on your back. "Can I get....I don't know, the strongest thing you have?"
>He whistles. "If you say so chief."
>He walks off to get your drink.
>The door opens and a few ponies walk in. You recognize Derpy and she sees you.
>"Hey! We meet again." She ushers her two friends over and sits at the bar with you.
>One of them, the wine-purple one, already looks half-wasted.
>The barkeeper comes back, balancing  a tray with your drink on it.
>It's a clear drink and you sip it. This'll get you drunk, that's for sure.
>Derpy looks at the barkeeper. "Hey big bro, we'll take the usual!"
>Looks like you had been right. The purple one drunkenly waves at him.
>" 'Ey Herpy, how ya' been?"
(Yes, I named Derpy's brother Herpy. Fuck you)
>"Same old same old Berry." He walks off to gather more drinks.
>"Berry? Berry Punch?" She looks up at you from stuffing her mouth full of pretzels.
>"Yeah? That's me." She chews loudly.
>"I heard you were looking for a housemate?" She nodded and shoved more pretzels in her mouth.
>"So...?"
>"Do you *Crunch* have the bits to pay for rent?" You nod and blink.
>She's the one whos house you crashed into.
>Best not to mention that.
>The drinks come a Berry lifts hers. "New housemate! Let's celebrate." She downs a drink similar to yours.
>Ehhh, what the hell?
>You don't remember much after that.
>The next thing you know, you're waking up on a couch with a puke bucket nearby.
>Oh fuck, your head.
>You slide off the couch, head pounding and dangly bits hanging in the open air.
>What in Mand’alor’s name happened last night? As soon as you stand up, nausea hits you like a land speeder.
>You double over and empty your stomach into the bucket. After a minute or two of this, your stomach has no more to give and you actually feel a lot better.
>You wipe some saliva off the corner of your mouth. Uhhg, the aftertaste.
>You shuffle into the kitchen, your pale ass exposed for all to see. Headache plus missing armor plus vomit mouth equals no fucks.
>You want some Caf or anything really. Sweet, sweet Caf.
>You shuffle into the room and yawn. Berry Punch is sitting at a p0ny-sized table with Luna. Surprise, Berry is already drinking.
>They both stare at you and you just scratch your ass. “Hey, Berry, you have any Caf?”
>She points a hoof at a little machine on a counter and tries to stifle some giggles. You stretch and pour a cup of the black brew from the brewer.
>You sniff it. This isn`t Caf…
>Whatever, anything to get the pukey taste out of your mouth. You start drinking it and it`s actually pretty damn good, a little stronger then caf but good anyway.
>You sit at the table and rub at your sore arm. Where one of Discord’s rounds hit you was nothing more than angry red flesh. Not even a scar.
>Why couldn`t they do that to your ribs? Oh yeah, your armor was in the way….
>Speaking of armor.
>You look up. “Hey, Either of you know where my gear is?” Berry points to a closet that is just visible from her seat. You nod at her and look at Luna, who’s been staring at you.
>”Take a Holo-pic, it`ll last longer.” You finish your drink, grimacing at a few grounds of whatever this was made from sticking to your tongue. You scratch your chest and shuffle over to the closet Berry had pointed out.
>You open the door and grin at what lies inside. Your Mandalorian shock trooper armor lays folded neatly.  Armor plates stacked atop your flight suit and greet you. Your helmet tops the small pile of metal, cloth, and various weaves of fabric.
>You pull out the flight suit and start the 10 minute hassle of sealing, clipping, zipping and snapping that is placing on your armor. You love this armor but it can be a bitch to put on.
>You affix the right chest plate to your flight suit and sigh. After so long in your armor, you`d gotten rusty on putting it back on.
>You rotate your shoulders, glad to have the familiar weight of Beskar hanging off of you. The drab grey armor was criss-crossed with deep scars and dents, scratches and burns marred its features and peeled some of the paint off.
>It was your dear old Dads, inherited when he died shortly before you left your home planet.
>You wiped away some soot from the top of the helmet. Homesickness flooded through you and you wondered how your Mother was doing.
>You shook your head and slipped the helmet on.
>You fish a pill out of your belt and dry swallow a pain killer. Hopefully this would help your headache along with your ribs.
>You grimace at the powdery taste and shuffle back into the kitchen, Luna looks at you. “We…apologize for staring; we just didn’t expect one such as you to be so…pale.”
>You grunt and shuffle over to the fridge, going through whatever you can find. “Yeah yeah, it’s what happens when you spend a lot of time in armor. How did I end up naked anyway?”
>You grab a small round red fruit out of the fridge and slip it into a pouch for later, your stomach couldn`t really handle food right now.
>Berry laughs and Luna grins. She must already know. “After the celebrations at the bar, and I have to say, you drank a lot, we ran across an old friend of mine.”
>Your inquisitive look is hidden behind your helmet. “…Yes?”
>”Well, that friend is an old classmate that we jokingly refer to as ‘Slab Bulkhead’. You apparently being a drunken genius decided to race him and promptly stripped and streaked half-way across ponyville. “
>What?
>”Please tell me that’s all.” You can tell from Berry’s look it isn`t. “What else?”
> “We found you passed out on a bench with one Lyra Heartstrings sucking on your hand. Weird girl, she’s got some crazy kinks. Guess you’re a new one.”
>Great, just fucking great.
>You spend a total of one night in this town, get wasted, streak, and create a new fetish for these damned things.
>Your jimmies are quite rustled.
> “Great, just bloody great! I still have to go deal with those six ponies from before…” You grab Berry’s drink and take a gulp.
>You`re too sober for this shit.
> “Berry, I`m never drinking with you again….” She just smiles and grabs another bottle.
>Luna clears her throat. “Anonymous, our sister wishes us to accompany you upon your meeting with the Elements to halt the hostilities.”
>You grunt, chug what was left of your stolen drink, and shuffle toward the door. “Let’s just get this osik over with…”
>You march through Ponyville with Luna hot on your heels. “Anonymous, we’re heading to Twilight’s home.”
>You grunt and stop, motioning with your hand. “Lead the way ‘Princess’.” She nods and does as you advised.
>You follow behind her. “Hey, Luna, Where are my weapons at?” She turns her head to look back at you. “Our sister has them at the palace, after the meeting with the Elements we shall go and retrieve them.”
>You grunt and nod.  If things went south you could always just fire the rocket on your jet pack and kill yourself and everyone with you.
>You laugh out loud at that thought and Luna looks back at you. “Is something amusing?” You just shake your head and keep laughing.
>You pop another painkiller as you and Luna approach a house built into a tree. To be honest, You`ve seen stranger shit.
>You  sigh, and motion at the door. “Alright, you first Luna.” She mutters something about “Always having to do everything.”
>You pull out the fruit you saved from this morning and nibble on it while waiting. Finally, Luna calls you in with a shout of “We’re ready!”
>You put your helmet under one arm, bite into the fruit and waltz into the room. The ‘Elements’ are glaring at you and you just chew on your fruit.
>The blue one, Rainbow Dash is the first to speak. “Princess! You remember what this guy is capable of! I mean, has everyp0ny forgotten he stabbed you?!”
>You chuckle as you chew on your fruit. “Trust me Swirley, I don`t like this either. Guarding you, Twilight Sprinkle and your other friends is the last thing I want to do.”
>Twilight seems to be biting her tongue but the white one doesn`t seem to e able to do the same. “Her name is Twilight Sparkle! Princess, this ruffian will be the cause of so many fights, are you sure we have to deal with him?”
>You toss the tough core of the fruit into a bin full of crumbled up papers and pop your buy’ce onto your head. “I just have to watch over you six, we don`t have to talk to each other, you don’t even need to look at me. If it wasn’t for how much I was getting paid….”
>The Yellow one was hiding behind her hair and you resist the urge to laugh at her. So meek, so delicate, so….useless.
>Why do these six bring out your worst tendencies? Probably head trauma or something….
>Miss Pinkamena is the first to approach you, though her hair isn`t flat like the last time. It was actually quite poofy. “Listen buddy, I`m not sure why Princess Celestia want you to guard us, or what you even are! But I Pinkie promise that the next time you hurt my friends you won`t like the party I’ll have planned.”
>You grunt and move her out of the way. “Alright Luna, are we done here?”
>You don’t like that grin on her face. She magic’s up a note. The note hangs thickly in the air covered with various seals. “Our sister wishes for you to spend the day with the Elements.”
>Damn you Celestia.
> “Your sister is going to milk this for all it`s worth, isn`t she Luna?” Luna nods at your question and you can`t help but sigh.
> “I`m sure our sister is just looking out for everyone’s best interests.” You resist the urge to roll your eyes.
> “Sith’s blood! She just likes jerking me around.” You cross your arms and feel and dull thump across your lower back. You turn around and look into the angry eyes of Twilight.
> “Oh, It`s you, What do you want Twilight Spackle?” She frowns at you getting her name again and you grin under your helmet.
> “Watch what you say about Celestia! She’s been nothing but kind to you and you just insult her kindness! For all you know, she might be trying to teach you something!”
>You grunt and wave your hand around. “You see all this?” She nods. “All of this, this town, this country, this entire planet is nothing. I`ve been all around the big empty and one thing I’ve learned is not to trust anyone.”
> “The big empty? What do you mean by not trusting anyone?” Oh great, next thing they’ll want to know is your life story.
> “The big empty is space….” You feel so stupid for explaining this, but they are not a space faring race.
>Twilight forgets her dislike of you and stares at you in aww. “Y-you’ve been in space?” You grunt and nod in affirmation.
>All of the ponies have wide eyes and you can help but wonder if they have really short attention spans or maybe have a touch of stupidity. Luna isn`t helping, she just vanishes in a burst of light.
>Well fuck you too.
 >You turn back around and Twilight is going through her books. You can`t understand a single word of the star chart she shoves in your helmeted face.
> “Does this look familiar?” You push her back a bit and nod. “That cluster is near penal colony 34-023.”
> She blinks at the penal colony portion. “My book recognizes it as being the horse head nebulae.”
>You grunt. “Good to know.” Then comes the questions and references to the book.
> “Listen, my job has been to follow and either catch of kill the other guy, not gaze at stars so I’m not much help. It`s not like I can read your writing either.”
>Rainbow laughs at you. “Bahaha! He can`t even read.” Oh how you wish you could show her what you can do….
> “Shove it, you solar nova reject.” You grunt out. You don`t know which one is worse, Miss Light Spectrum or Marshmallow scream a lot.
>You have a feeling it`s going to take everything you have not to kill these things…..