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May 24th, 2017
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  1. ashi (6:18:44 AM): maddie please
  2. ashi (6:18:51 AM): im not fucking perfect
  3. ashi (6:18:56 AM): i have fucked up
  4. 6:18:56 AM: kushina is now online
  5. ashi (6:18:59 AM): i know i have fucked up
  6. kushina (6:19:07 AM): it doesnt matter we cant be frineds.
  7. ashi (6:19:11 AM): i sent you a video on kik
  8. ashi (6:19:16 AM): i have been fuckingc rying so bad
  9. kushina (6:19:19 AM): im ending it.
  10. ashi (6:19:23 AM): maddie please
  11. ashi (6:19:32 AM): please please
  12. ashi (6:19:43 AM): just
  13. ashi (6:19:47 AM): let me fucking try
  14. ashi (6:19:50 AM): to become better
  15. ashi (6:19:55 AM): im going to get myself admitted
  16. ashi (6:19:57 AM): to the hospital
  17. ashi (6:20:07 AM): i know i have severe problems
  18. ashi (6:20:11 AM): but please dont give up on me
  19. ashi (6:20:12 AM): please
  20. kushina (6:20:13 AM): alexa
  21. kushina (6:20:21 AM): im starting to
  22. ashi (6:20:22 AM): you were my only friend
  23. ashi (6:20:26 AM): when no one else was
  24. ashi (6:20:29 AM): you were all i fucking had
  25. kushina (6:20:32 AM): full heartedly you put me through so much shit
  26. ashi (6:20:40 AM): im so fucking sorry
  27. ashi (6:20:44 AM): you have no fucking idea how fucking much
  28. ashi (6:20:49 AM): i wish i could take verything back
  29. ashi (6:20:50 AM): all the drama
  30. ashi (6:20:52 AM): getting mad
  31. ashi (6:20:54 AM): being jealous
  32. ashi (6:20:56 AM): im fucking sorry
  33. ashi (6:20:58 AM): please
  34. kushina (6:21:00 AM): i have fought with dylan countless times
  35. kushina (6:21:12 AM): i tole dylan
  36. kushina (6:21:22 AM): if it werent for the fact i was half asleep
  37. kushina (6:21:34 AM): i wouldnt be messaging you right now
  38. kushina (6:21:43 AM): id be kneeling in a puddle of blood
  39. ashi (6:21:48 AM): maddie
  40. ashi (6:21:56 AM): im so fucking sorry
  41. ashi (6:21:58 AM): that i hurt yuou
  42. ashi (6:22:03 AM): you were the last fucking person
  43. ashi (6:22:09 AM): i ever fucking wanted to do any of this too
  44. kushina (6:22:13 AM): and i dont wanna feel that way again
  45. ashi (6:22:13 AM): i care about you so fucking much
  46. ashi (6:22:20 AM): i have been fucking nasty to you
  47. ashi (6:22:22 AM): and im fucking sorry
  48. ashi (6:22:28 AM): i have just been jealous
  49. ashi (6:22:29 AM): honestly
  50. ashi (6:22:32 AM): i have been so fucking jealous
  51. ashi (6:22:41 AM): because i crave your fucking attention
  52. ashi (6:22:45 AM): and the love you use to give me
  53. ashi (6:22:50 AM): and i thought
  54. ashi (6:22:52 AM): i was losing that
  55. ashi (6:22:59 AM): i thought i would never have it again
  56. ashi (6:23:02 AM): and i fucking lashed out
  57. ashi (6:23:05 AM): i fucked up
  58. ashi (6:23:09 AM): i keep making shit worse for myself
  59. kushina (6:23:12 AM): i dont want another one of those
  60. ashi (6:23:16 AM): i wont
  61. ashi (6:23:17 AM): ever
  62. ashi (6:23:18 AM): fucking
  63. ashi (6:23:21 AM): lash out at you
  64. ashi (6:23:23 AM): or be angry
  65. ashi (6:23:27 AM): you dont have to believe me now
  66. kushina (6:23:30 AM): alexa
  67. ashi (6:23:31 AM): you dont have to be my friend
  68. ashi (6:23:32 AM): now
  69. ashi (6:23:36 AM): you dont have to do anything now
  70. ashi (6:23:40 AM): but i swear to you
  71. ashi (6:23:41 AM): this isnt
  72. ashi (6:23:44 AM): ever happening again
  73. ashi (6:23:48 AM): there will never be any drama
  74. ashi (6:23:49 AM): or
  75. ashi (6:23:50 AM): yelling
  76. kushina (6:23:50 AM): you havent did what you wanted to before, so why believe tou
  77. ashi (6:24:03 AM): i havent done what?
  78. kushina (6:24:16 AM): you pro.ised youd get better at things
  79. kushina (6:24:20 AM): but its like
  80. kushina (6:24:26 AM): you just forgot them
  81. ashi (6:24:30 AM): no thats not it maddie
  82. ashi (6:24:38 AM): im just getting worse
  83. ashi (6:24:39 AM): mentally
  84. ashi (6:24:44 AM): im getting really bad
  85. ashi (6:24:50 AM): i havent eaten ind ays
  86. ashi (6:24:58 AM): i have been having such bad sotmach pains
  87. kushina (6:25:02 AM): then fix that
  88. ashi (6:25:03 AM): plus all this drama with becky
  89. ashi (6:25:10 AM): im going to
  90. ashi (6:25:14 AM): im going to the hospital
  91. ashi (6:25:17 AM): im going to get admitted
  92. ashi (6:25:20 AM): im going to try to better myself
  93. ashi (6:25:27 AM): just please don't give up on me yet
  94. ashi (6:25:36 AM): i cant fucking lose you
  95. kushina (6:25:39 AM): i am
  96. ashi (6:25:40 AM): you were my first
  97. ashi (6:25:41 AM): fucking
  98. ashi (6:25:42 AM): real
  99. ashi (6:25:43 AM): friend
  100. kushina (6:25:45 AM): you need someone new
  101. ashi (6:25:52 AM): please dont do this
  102. kushina (6:25:52 AM): someone fresh
  103. ashi (6:25:58 AM): no one can fucking replace you
  104. ashi (6:26:13 AM): please let me fucking try
  105. kushina (6:26:19 AM): someone like a spong that can soak in all your problems without breakinh
  106. ashi (6:26:19 AM): to fucking be better for you
  107. ashi (6:26:23 AM): NO
  108. ashi (6:26:25 AM): maddie
  109. ashi (6:26:29 AM): there will be no more problems
  110. ashi (6:26:32 AM): i fucking swear to you
  111. ashi (6:26:35 AM): give it time
  112. ashi (6:26:39 AM): we dont have to talk
  113. ashi (6:26:41 AM): i prob wont be able to
  114. ashi (6:26:43 AM): for weeks
  115. ashi (6:26:44 AM): or months
  116. ashi (6:27:00 AM): but just please think about giving me one last chance once i get through this
  117. ashi (6:27:04 AM): i wont even come back to you
  118. ashi (6:27:07 AM): unless im fucking sure
  119. ashi (6:27:15 AM): i fucking swear to you
  120. ashi (6:27:29 AM): i will not come back to you unless i am 100% positive
  121. ashi (6:27:32 AM): i can keep it together
  122. ashi (6:27:40 AM): you are so fucking special to me
  123. ashi (6:28:05 AM): i am willing to do everything it fucking takes
  124. ashi (6:28:10 AM): to keep you in my life
  125. ashi (6:28:14 AM): if that means i have to fucking
  126. ashi (6:28:17 AM): get medication
  127. ashi (6:28:18 AM): therapy
  128. ashi (6:28:27 AM): i will fucking do it
  129. ashi (6:28:34 AM): i will fucking change
  130. ashi (6:28:50 AM): you always have been the number fucking one person i never wanted to lose
  131. ashi (6:28:59 AM): and made that happen
  132. ashi (6:29:06 AM): i have to make this right
  133. ashi (6:29:09 AM): i have to try
  134. ashi (6:29:16 AM): i have to try everything to make this right again
  135. kushina (6:29:22 AM): i dont think itll work.
  136. ashi (6:29:26 AM): please
  137. ashi (6:29:30 AM): just have faith in me
  138. ashi (6:29:49 AM): please remember the good times we had...
  139. ashi (6:29:56 AM): when we first met...
  140. ashi (6:30:00 AM): the things ive done for you...
  141. ashi (6:30:03 AM): the things you done for me...
  142. ashi (6:30:06 AM): i havent forgotten
  143. ashi (6:30:09 AM): all the sacrifices
  144. ashi (6:30:12 AM): you have made for me
  145. ashi (6:30:20 AM): i havent forgotten any of your fucking kindness
  146. ashi (6:30:27 AM): how you always go out of your way for me
  147. ashi (6:30:30 AM): how you protected me
  148. ashi (6:30:34 AM): and lashed out at the people who hurt me
  149. ashi (6:30:43 AM): im fucking sorry
  150. ashi (6:30:47 AM): i havent appreciated you enough for that
  151. ashi (6:30:52 AM): i havent thanked you enough for that
  152. ashi (6:30:55 AM): i did the fucking oppsoite
  153. ashi (6:31:04 AM): it was a fucking mistake
  154. ashi (6:31:06 AM): i fucking regret it
  155. ashi (6:31:13 AM): i fucking want to take it all fucking back so bad
  156. ashi (6:31:19 AM): but i cant
  157. ashi (6:31:26 AM): i know this
  158. ashi (6:31:30 AM): but i have to do something
  159. ashi (6:31:35 AM): i have to fucking show you how much
  160. ashi (6:31:39 AM): you mean to me
  161. ashi (6:31:43 AM): how much i fucking appreciate you
  162. ashi (6:31:46 AM): coming into my fucking life
  163. ashi (6:31:51 AM): and being my fucking ray of hope
  164. ashi (6:32:04 AM): i was already on the verge of suicide before i met you
  165. ashi (6:32:15 AM): but meeting you made me last as long as i fucking have
  166. ashi (6:32:26 AM): i fucking mean that
  167. ashi (6:32:41 AM): im going to fucking make this up to you maddie
  168. ashi (6:32:43 AM): i fucking swear it
  169. ashi (6:32:49 AM): i won't fucking rest until i do
  170. ashi (6:33:04 AM): i cant let you think i hate you, or that i meant to hurt you
  171. ashi (6:33:07 AM): i cant let you think
  172. ashi (6:33:11 AM): that it was my fucking intention
  173. ashi (6:33:17 AM): to make all this shit happen
  174. ashi (6:33:21 AM): i cant just let you fucking believe that
  175. ashi (6:33:24 AM): its not fucking true
  176. ashi (6:33:30 AM): i fucking love you so fucking much
  177. ashi (6:33:41 AM): you are not to fucking blame
  178. ashi (6:33:46 AM): for anything that has ever fucking happened
  179. ashi (6:33:53 AM): it has always been me
  180. ashi (6:34:02 AM): please dont ever fucking blame yourself
  181. ashi (6:34:05 AM): for my shortcomings
  182. ashi (6:34:07 AM): im fucking sorry
  183. ashi (6:34:12 AM): i will fucking pay for it all
  184. ashi (6:34:30 AM): maddie you are the most amazing fucking perosn i have ever had the pleasure of meeting
  185. ashi (6:34:36 AM): you really fucking are
  186. ashi (6:34:57 AM): you're loyal
  187. ashi (6:34:58 AM): kind
  188. ashi (6:35:06 AM): genuine
  189. ashi (6:35:21 AM): and i fucking destroyed your trust
  190. ashi (6:35:22 AM): and love
  191. ashi (6:35:24 AM): for me
  192. ashi (6:35:30 AM): when you were the only person
  193. ashi (6:35:33 AM): to actually fucking mean it
  194. ashi (6:35:37 AM): out of all these fucking
  195. ashi (6:35:38 AM): liars
  196. ashi (6:35:39 AM): and cheaters
  197. ashi (6:35:40 AM): and whores
  198. ashi (6:35:42 AM): and trolls
  199. ashi (6:35:53 AM): you were the only one that actually fucking cared
  200. ashi (6:36:06 AM): i realize that now, more than fucking ever
  201. ashi (6:36:10 AM): im fucking sorry i didn't before
  202. ashi (6:36:12 AM): im so fuckign sorry
  203. ashi (6:36:44 AM): im far from fucking perfect
  204. ashi (6:36:46 AM): i am the worst
  205. ashi (6:36:51 AM): and you deserve better
  206. ashi (6:36:58 AM): i have to be better
  207. ashi (6:37:04 AM): i cant afford to lose someone like you
  208. ashi (6:37:09 AM): no one els ematters
  209. ashi (6:37:24 AM): just give me time maddie
  210. ashi (6:37:27 AM): to eventually show you
  211. ashi (6:37:29 AM): convince you,
  212. ashi (6:37:33 AM): when i finally have changed
  213. kushina (6:37:39 AM): you know what sucks
  214. ashi (6:37:45 AM): we can take a break and stuff right now
  215. ashi (6:37:47 AM): i understand
  216. ashi (6:37:51 AM): your need to distance yourself
  217. ashi (6:37:56 AM): i dont blame you at all
  218. kushina (6:37:58 AM): i cant tell you to not to be friends with dylan
  219. kushina (6:38:00 AM): because
  220. kushina (6:38:29 AM): he would hate me for it, he would actually hate and youre his only other friend besides me
  221. kushina (6:38:36 AM): and as much ad i want to
  222. ashi (6:38:37 AM): maddie
  223. kushina (6:38:39 AM): i cant.
  224. ashi (6:38:48 AM): i would stop that for you
  225. ashi (6:38:50 AM): i would
  226. kushina (6:38:57 AM): i cant let you
  227. ashi (6:39:06 AM): you dont fucking understand how fucking badly
  228. ashi (6:39:13 AM): i cant just
  229. ashi (6:39:19 AM): i fucking cant lose you
  230. ashi (6:39:33 AM): i already told my sister irl about my depression, she will probably freak
  231. ashi (6:39:38 AM): and force me to go to the hospital
  232. ashi (6:39:40 AM): and take me
  233. ashi (6:39:43 AM): i have already hit
  234. ashi (6:39:46 AM): the point of no return
  235. ashi (6:40:01 AM): im serious about this
  236. ashi (6:40:05 AM): this isnt some dramatic
  237. ashi (6:40:08 AM): attention whore scene
  238. kushina (6:40:10 AM): i know
  239. ashi (6:40:12 AM): where im just gonna slip
  240. ashi (6:40:18 AM): and act like nothing ahppened tomorrow
  241. ashi (6:40:26 AM): im fully fucking commiting
  242. ashi (6:40:29 AM): to making myself better
  243. kushina (6:40:34 AM): i know
  244. ashi (6:40:40 AM): because i value your friendship so fucking much
  245. ashi (6:40:53 AM): im going to be better for you maddie
  246. ashi (6:40:57 AM): i fucking swear it on my fucking life
  247. ashi (6:41:00 AM): on our friendship
  248. ashi (6:41:03 AM): on everything we have been through
  249. ashi (6:41:05 AM): the good and bad
  250. ashi (6:41:07 AM): i swear it
  251. ashi (6:41:13 AM): i will fucking be better
  252. ashi (6:41:14 AM): for you
  253. ashi (6:44:00 AM): i love you, i always have and i always will.
  254. ashi (6:44:08 AM): but for now this is good bye
  255. ashi (6:44:29 AM): i'm not leaving you, just temporarily taking a step back. figuring my shit out so that i can come back
  256. ashi (6:44:35 AM): and be that trust worthy loyal friend
  257. ashi (6:44:38 AM): that caring mother
  258. ashi (6:44:41 AM): you have always fucking
  259. ashi (6:44:42 AM): deserved
  260. ashi (6:44:45 AM): since the beginning
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