Thread 34: Stories 61-75

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>Twilight
"Dash"
'Pinkie'
[Fluttershy]
~~~~~

>...This can't be safe.

"I KNOW, RIGHT!? IT'S SO AWESOME!"

>It's a ride... where you get baked... into a pie.

'Uh huh!'

>...You get baked... into a pie...

'And then at the end of the ride you get to eat the pie!'

>The pie which you are currently in.

'Yep!'

"I SEE NO DOWNSIDE TO THIS!"

>Okay, Pinkie? Dash doesn't see a downside. There is no downside according to RAINBOW DASH. Do you see my issue? You are BAKING someone, in an oven, inside of food, and she sees now downside. This is becoming clear, right?

'...OH! Well obviously you get put inside of a heat insulated clear sphere BEFORE we turn on the oven, silly! It's mostly educational so that ponies can see the process of what happens when something is cooked first hoof! What, did you actually think I was going to roast ponies alive or something?'

>...I guess that makes some-

*BOOM!*

*SPLAT!*

>...
'...'
"...Why did the pie explode?"

[SORRY!]

'Fluttershy, what!?'

[I GOT STARTLED!]

'Gotta control that alicorn power, Flutters! Now we gotta go get the spare super-sphere! These things are expensive!'

[I'M SORRY!]

"So weird having to deal with her having magic, you know?"

>Tell me about it... oh, hey, self cleaning pies. That's pretty neat, how'd you do that, Pinkie?

'...'

*ZAP!*

[SORRY![

>...Nevermind then.

"Sooo...ME NEXT!"

>It's kind of exploded-

"ME! NEXT!"

'HER! NEXT!'

>Fine! Jeez... I wanted to go next...
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>Spike
"Chrysalis"
~~~

>Come on... how far out could they have been, really? I mean, I lit up the freaking sky with fire... speaking of, you'd think at the very least Twilight would rush over here to tell me how mad she was. "You used my WHAT to make the fire spell words!?"

"Yeah, how did you do that?"

Groaning in annoyance, the miniscule dragon rolled his eyes back at the curious Queen standing just behind him.

>Oh, yeah, totally going to tell you all about something someone can use to manipulate fire. While I'm at it, I'll also tell you all of my allergies, and most vulnerable weak points.

"...what?"

Double checking to make sure they were alone, Spike continued by flipping her off.

"...I have no idea what that means."

>Neither do I, actually, but apparently some grypons consider it a super insult, so I'm giving it to you. I'm insulting you, with my finger, is what you need to take away from this. And then take away explosives, and then be blown up by those explosives.

"Uh huh..."

>Do you mind? Really? I'd prefer it if you were far, far away from me right now. Off the edge of Partyland, even! I have no idea if that fall could kill you, but I can dream, and I dream big. And hey, worst case scenario, you're about a hundred or so feet down away from me, which is a super big plus.

"You're kind of pissy today."

>I'm pissy twenty four seven with you so long as we're alone. I said I'll act civil when third parties are here, not when you're standing here, existing when I don't have Charity around as insurance.

"I was just standing here."

>And I wish you were doing so while also on fire. The good kind of fire. The kind that would burn ME, if you catch my drift.

"...Interesting."

>Yes, my fantasies regarding you are very, very interesting, glad we agree, fuck off.

He didn't expect her to be bothered, of course, but for some reason he didn't think she would be so... curious looking as she walked off in thought.

>Thank goodness, I don't think I could have pretended to be nice to her if someone else had-

[AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! EMPRESS LOVELESTIA! WE HAVE FOOOOOOOUND THE HALL OF THE AMP OF THEEEEEEATERS!AHAHAHAHAH! GLOOOORIOUS!]

>...what the...

Turning around to find Mane-Iac attached to that all too excited voice was expected.

Finding Poindexter and Chrysalis walking right next to her was... well, less so.

>W-wait...

He flicked his head rapidly between the group and in the direction 'Chrysalis' had disappeared to. No way would she have had enough time to...

>...Oh, shit...

Out of his sight, 'Chrysalis' tapped a hoof to her chin in thought, and let the disguise fall away.

"Interesting..."
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>42
"Brain"
~~~~

>...

"Don't."

>I WASN'T GOING TO!

"You were."

>WAS NOT! It was all your thinking, I had nothing to do with it! You're the one that needs to stop trying to put ideas in my head!

"I'm not the one who came up with it, it was all you, body."

>WAS NOT!

"I have conscious in here, and conscious agrees that, and I'm quoting your own thoughts here, 'punching everyone down so I can see someone at her height' is a bad idea."

>I wasn't going to!

"Why are you so violent all the time?"

>IT SOLVES EVERY PROBLEM I HAVE!

"Oh yeah? How'd it solve your whole home problem."

>I was violent towards Shining Armor to the point where he appreciated the aftereffects of our sparring, allowing him to see the benefit of having me around closer and thus obtaining a room.

"...Job thing?"

>Violence directed at the Crystal Guard which resulted in a superior fighting force and a paycheck.

"Images of you on a beach between-"

*POW!*

"..."

>I rest my case. Violence solves EVERYTHING.

"..."

>...Don't tell Two I said that, she wants me to move to hugging, but I'm kind of stuck in my routine.

"How the fuck would I tell her?"

>Good, glad we agree.

"Did you just give yourself a concussion?"

>Don't be purple.

"..."

>...I mean silly.
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>Idris
"Gwen"
'Rekulk'
-Vekir-
~Grehm~

'Honored King of Gryphons, I have a question.'

>Again, the answer is no, you can't just eat the ENTIRE bottle of vitamins.

-But they taste of blue berries!-

'This was not question!'

>Well?

'You are King of these Kingdoms of Gryphons, yes?'

>Yes.

'Where are the Kingdoms?'

>Aha! Well you see, my malformed friend, the Gryphon Kingdoms span a vast area, from our ancestral home of the Aerie, to our seat of power in Griffheim, to our mighty seaport of Buzzard's Bay. Each of our settlements is a testament to our abilities as settlers, from the tranquil valleys of Fallen Feathers to the bleak marshes of Blackfeather Bog-

"Idris."

>Yes?

"He asked for directions, not a history lesson."

>Oh, well...take the train?

'Many thanks, honored Gryphon King!'

~...I want to know what an Aerie is.~

"Aw crap."

>Well you came to the right gryphon! The Aerie sits atop the largest mountain in the Kingdoms, it is said that is where the Great Lion, King of All Beasts, took the Queen of Eagles as his bride and created us soon after.

-Ooh...may I see the pretty mountain one day, King of Cat-Birds?-

>I...don't see why not.

-Hurrah! Bar Bird, more of the delicious honey water! Tell us more of the Lion King, honored Cat-Bird!-

"Aw crap, barkeep, I'm going to need about three glasses...and some ear plugs!"

>Aha, well you see, the Great Lion is the father of all Gryphons...
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>King Alistair was myth, Idris, a mere composite figure of three different kings and four generals.

"Then explain the golden sword of his father, which now sits in the throne room? Or proof of his journey to locate the Sacred Gourd?"

>Those could be anything, Idris! The golden sword could have been forged by anyone after hearing the myths because those myths have been around a fuck long time! Not to mention several battles that occurred in Alistairian myths were, historically, centuries apart!
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>29
"MM"
'T'
[Z]
{???}
~~~~~

>And upon his head was, no joke, a panama hat! I was actually quite jealous, or at least I was until her Majesty set fire to it to sate her own need to send something aflame. No reason, t'was but her whim. Unfortunately this meant that the floor upon we would normally sleep was alight, so we essentially had to tie ourselves to a tree that night to ride out the flames. I don't think anyone died, but one of them did get third degree burns...

"Your life sounds like it kind of sucked."

>Indeed! Never was I in a place that truly deserved my greatness. Alas, I still am not...

'Trixie, at last, understands your pain, even if she thinks you are being stupid for thinking you deserve something on the level She deserves.'

[You should be happier with that which you are given. You have both made mistakes, and should be glad you were forgiven.]

>Pfft, be glad my-

{29! BUDDY!}

>...Shoot me.

"What?"

>TRIXIE SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD-

*BLAM!*

"Trixie what?!"

'He said to.'

>...Cursed love that makes my Chitin so strong!

{Heeeyyyy budddy! You doing shooty stuff with your friends? Hi! Didn't get a chance to meet you guys yet!}

>...

"Uh, 29? Who is this?"

>...Sigh... mares of my life, this... excitable soul hanging from mine shoulders is the indescribably daft being known only as... 55.

{Heya! Me and 29 go WAY back! We were in the hive together!}

>Yes, you lummox, they figured that one out by the strange fact we are both, shockingly, changelings, and the fact there is only ONE HIVE LEFT!

"Actually, funny you should bring that up, 29 was just telling us about this one time you guys had to hide in a tree to escape a forest fire."

{Oh yeah! That was great, we got to spend the whole night up on strings like puppets! And I got to get in a new kind of fire! Never get to be like puppets anymore, but that's what makes it so special!}

>Someone here is certainly 'special'.

{Oh yeah?... Oh! Don't tell me, I'll guess...}

>Oh for the love of...

{...uhhhh.... I'm stumped.}

>The wonders upon this earth are never ending.

{Well, it's not fair! You've got that cool mayor from that one town Braeburn says is really awesome, that sweet lady who can do all the potions and knows, like, everything, and you've even got the Great and Powerful Trixie! I saw her show in Appleoosa, it was crazy! So many colors! And I mean, there's you! You're, like, the smartest changeling! You think up so many words that makes my head hurt and you know all about those books! I don't even think 18 knows as many books!... But she's really smart too, she can do stuff with numbers and the little funny pictures.}

'Math?'

{Right, that!}

[While all of what you say is true, I think he was referring to you.]

{Nah. My thing is fires. Not very special fires, just fires. You ever tell them about that?}

>Yes. I informed them of your eternal desire to sate your body with flames in an inexplicable need to continue on after a poorly made decision.

{Gotta stand by it!}

"So, uh, you live in the ballroom?"

{Nope! I have my shack in Appleoosa! It's, like, the best shack EVER!}

>According to 42, it's about the size of the closet in our office.

{That big, and they said I could have it! For free, even! Appleoosa's so nice, you guys gotta come down and see it sometime!}

"We'll... do that."

{Well, nice seeing you again 29! I was really worried when you disappeared, you know? But everyone said you were fine, so I didn't worry too much. They said you were just on vacation... You have fun there? Never got to ask.}

>...uhdunwannagoback....

{Sounds like you had fun! You gotta come visit later and tell me all about it! Nice meeting you all, but I'm going to go see if I can find another little coin thing so I can go on another ride, these are so fun!}

>... stop looking at me like that.

{Huh?}

>Stooooop.

{Hey, 29, you okay? Is your drink talking? My drinks talk sometimes too, it's weird.}

>Stop it stop it stop it- FINE!

{...}

>...A-hem, by the way, 55, I am just so glad you stopped by, there is something I needed to give you.

{What's that? Another one of those books?... I appreciate it, but I can't really read-}

>No no, it's uh... I'm paying back... a loan! Right! Do you remember back when we were outside Fillydelpia, and you loaned me forty bits?

{...I did?}

>See, glad you remember. Well, here, I've finally got enough to pay you back!

{...This is forty? I thought it would be smaller.}

>Are you questioning my counting skills?

{Wha-NO! Never! You can count better than me... but I don't remember-}

>Well, glad we've got all that cleared up. Off with you!

{Oh... okay! Nice seeing you again, 29! Thanks for paying me back, but you didn't have to-}

>GO!

{Right! Going!}

"..."
'...'
[...daw.]

>Shut up.

"He's adorable."

>Shuuut up.

'Trixie just wants to take him home and rename him fluffy.'

>He is not a child, he is almost as old as I am. He is simply stupid.

[And yet, you gave him something to make his day. Just for the joy of seeing him off to play.]

>The little child next to me insisted, and would not shut up until I did. I did this for the joy of hearing myself think again, nothing more!

[...]

>...What?

She just winked at him, and didn't say another word.

Idly, 29 reassured himself that surely, she couldn't see them... she wouldn't know...

...surely....

"...So are we ever going to visit-"

>NO!

"..."

>...Maybe...
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>???
“Big Mac”
‘Granny Smith’
______

Even after rubbing her eyes and taking a ninth stare, Granny Smith couldn’t believe it.

‘By the zap apple fallout of nineteen ought six… I think my ol’ eyes done finally gave up the apple, Mac.’

“Nnnnope.”

‘Eh? Ya sayin’ you see it, too?’

“Eyup.”

‘Huh. Then it’s prob’ly high time we both got some new glasses.’

>I don’t see the need to be so surprised. I told you guys I was going to look for Applejack about two weeks ago.

‘There she goes again…’

“Eeeeeyup.”

‘Won’er what she’s so excited about?’

>Would’ve left sooner but it took a long time to find that bone. Thirteen days actually. Looked in the orchard, the tub, that secret drawer of Granny's with all the weird sticks in it... I’d sooner leave my tail behind than my bone.

‘So she found her favorite toy, hm?’

“Eyup.”

‘Good. Started tuh’ think she was goin’ senile. Darn thing was only unner ‘er bed.’

>But this calls for action! Some big white horse thinks she can take away my orange horse? Nope. None doing. Not MY Applejack.

‘I almost wanna ask what she plans on doin', all this runnin' back'n forth nonsense, but then I remember I prob’ly won’t get an answer.’

“Nnnnope.”

>It took me forever to tie a knot in this handkerchief, but it was well worth it. Now I can carry all the essentials. Like this family photo… and my bone. Yup. These should hold me for about a week or two.

‘Should we find it the least bit… odd, that she can do that there? Tie knots?’

“Seen odder ‘round here.”

‘True.’

>Well, that should do it I think. Alright, granny, strong red horse. I’m off! I don’t know how long I’ll be gone but I promise to bring back Applejack! And I also know you can’t understand a word I’m saying so I left you a note. Riiiight here!

‘Wus’this now? A note? …I… I can’t read… it’s jus’ a big paw print.”

“Eeeyup.”

>That should sum up my intentions nicely, spent a week writing it out. Now… I’m off!

Both Granny Smith and Big Mac could only watch as Winona fixed her knapsack of items onto her collar and flung it over her back. Then, with a cheerful yip and an excited tail wag, she took off in a sprint down the road that led out of the farm.

‘Huh.’

“And there she goes, off on an adventure many dream for but very few actually have the courage to reach out and grasp. Who knows exactly what will happen on this journey, whether she’ll meet her mysterious goal or be left always searching, always wondering. One thing is for certain, with a hope so high and a heart so full, whether success or fail, she will always have my respect. So to you I say farewell, Winona. Farewell, and godspeed.”

‘Ya say somethin’, Mac?’

“Nnnnope.”

‘Hm… well, come on an’ help me figure out this here note. I think it means… she’s goin’ to buy groceries…? Awww… Such a good girl, she is.’

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Non-canon
>Idris (singing!)
"56"
~~~
>Now see here! Your contact with my wife has some daft implications which are not all pleasant

"Oh?"

>So I demand you must stop right now, this instant!

"Sorry!"

>'s alright, you're probably jus' confused.

>So let me lay the matters down about griffon cultural rules!

>Our space is very sacred, and touching's quite a slight!

>It all has to do with our need for flight!

"Fascinating!"

>Yes, and the royalty of old fought with assassins e'ery day!

>So our need for birth because wider, when you see us 'clear the way!'

"Like the queens!"

>Yes, yes... But as I understand, even your hive is packed

>Wall to wall changelings, sleeping in organic sleeping sacks.

"Sometimes."

>And love is what you need instead of daily bread

>So you need to get close or else you wind up dead!

"Very true."

>But griffon society is stand-offish, ponies think us rude

>But we're not giant arseholes, just trying to keep altitude!

>Our eyesight is keen and our hearing so acute

>Communication's often in subtle signs that through foreigners in a loop!

>But we get this makes us very hard to get along

>So that's why we try to clear these matters up in dance and song!

56 claps

"That was amazing! and very educational."

>Thank you... I hope you don't need a refresher... I'm not as young as I used to be and can't dance like that anymore...
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32's party stood face to face with the misshapen entities that mimicked the Gun Club, the changelings and unicorn facing down the jet black mockeries with all the courage they could muster.

"...damn, man, I'm never going to look at Princess Sparkle the same," Pommel grimaced.

The addresses creature at the head of the apparitions bared a set of fangs and hissed, milky white eyes glaring at the unicorn.

29 made a face, "Ok, the tube was one thing, but now she's just plain ug-"

29 barely managed to duck as a blast of magic nearly reduced him to ash.

He leapt up as it passed, "Oh you know I jest, you beautiful and delicate oily monstrositySHOOTITSHOOTITSHOOTIT!"

The changeling's companions didn't need telling twice, they loosed a volley of fire onto the faux-alicorn, blasting her back and into the tower's exterior. As one its compatriots hissed and rushed the group, changelings and abominations meeting in a tangle of limbs and weapons. 32 and Pommel moved to join but 50 cut them off.

"There's no time and we can't risk you getting axed by one of these clowns," The grizzled leader of the unit looked back at the battle, "Fuckers are skilled, I'll give 'em that, I'll try and give you an opening."

"50..." 32 frowned, "...thanks."

"Oh spare me the puppy dog eyes, you're still a shithead, it's just THAT fucker's even worse," 50 turned fully, "Now, let's get you and your boy toy a window. I've been itching to have a go at the lady in the kickass helmet!"

"Of course YOU'D like the helmet," 32 muttered as the other changeling charged forward, smashing into the melee and clearing a path straight into the tower.

"Welp, he's a dick, but he's a cool dick!" Pommel shouted happily as they ran into the tower, ducking low to avoid a shot from a sick mockery of Charity the fake Spike had fused to his hand.

"What can I say, brothers love to hate each other," 32 said as the two began to sprint up the steps.

"Like you and someone else?" Pommel arched an eyebrow.

"Yeah, yeah, of course."

"You really tore the poor fuck up, y'know that?" Pommel continued, "I mean, come on, you're severing ties because he didn't help you MURDER the Queen after you cold-cocked him and stole his knife?"

"Is now really the time!?" 32 snapped.

"I'm just saying, guy's never done anything but right by you, y'know? Maybe at least stop being all 'you ain't my brother' no more, like my little sister when I broke her scooter, I swear."

"Look maybe AFTER I stop being a mental case, okay!?" 32 gritted his teeth, "There's a lot of things you weren't around for, alright? A lot of mistakes, a lot of things he has to answer for-"

"One thing he's got to answer for," Pommel countered, "Something you weren't even around for."

"HE LET HER GO! HE COULD HAVE SAVED HER!" 32 glared at the memory of his friend, "HOW MANY MORE STAIRS ARE IN THIS LOVEDAMNED TOWER!?"

"Not long now," The voice chimed in, "You'll find a causeway to the keep up there, this stupid castle's a architectural nightmare but it's at least easy to navigate. We're on the home stretch, buddy, I'll see ya soon!"

32 bared his teeth, glaring upwards at their path.

"Not trying to fuck with ya, 32, you know I'm not," Pommel stated, "But I'm part of this crazy thing you call a mind and I know a sick fact."

"And that is?"

"Those things your brothers are fighting down there? They're based on the closest thing to friends you got left," Pommel's expression hardened, "Think about that."

32 shook his head, he needed to get to that exit, and a few minutes later, there it was, shining moonlight down from above. The two friends dashed through it and onto the bridge connecting the top of the tower with a central keep rising from an expansive rocky plateau.

And then the fake Twilight smashed down onto the bridge.

"Aw come on!" Pommel shouted, "You're supposed to be distracted!"

"Other me must have realized I wasn't in the fight down there," 32 glared at the faux-alicorn, "He's keeping his eye on the ball."

"Soooo...we're fighting an alicorn?" Pommel asked.

"We're fighting a fucking alicorn," 32 sighed, "It was nice knowing you."

"Ditt-oh wow, look!" Pommel pointed.

Rising from the side of the causeway, still crewed by the Flim Flam Brothers, Reggie, and Q, was the Cider Squeezy Mk3, the wheels replaced with hover repulsers.

"YOU ARE ROYALLY FUCKED!" The four ex-inmates shouted in unison as they unloaded rapid fire produce into its inky black skin, staggering it before ramming their ad hoc hovercraft into it, sending both sailing into the distance.

"Thank Faust for glorified drink dispensers," Pommel smiled, walking forward, "C'mon, let's get our asses in there and punch out your evil twin."

"Right behind you," 32 grinned back, walking along the bridge...before a rumbling began to shaking it, "Oh now what?"

"The changelings defending the castle are pulling back," The voice shouted, "They're converging on you, you gotta get out of there!"

"Damn it, he's going for a Hail Celly shot," Pommel gritted his teeth, "C'mon!"

The pony and changeling began a mad dash for the grand double doors, the rumbling shaking the ground they walked upon as the changeling defenders descended upon one side of the bridge, hovering in the air and...beginning to mesh into one another.

"The hell is this supposed to be?" 32 thought aloud as they kept running, watching in confusion as the thousands of changelings combined their bodies into one.

"Oh no, ohhhh no no no no no!" The voice began to panic, "You cheating jerk! No! You are not doing that!"

32 and Pommel's gaits began to falter, staring in awe as the changelings' new form began to take shape, towering over the bridge.

"What is he doing?" Pommel asked, his voice hollow, "What is the other 32 doing?"

"He's doing what all changelings in need used to do..." The voice said, fear dripping from every syllable.

"No..." 32's eyes went wide as the new creature roared out in an absolute rage.

"He called in Chitania."

Two massive white eyes regarded Pommel and 32 from above, a hiss issuing from its mouth. The fake Chitania was more massive than its real world counterpart, a disgusting beast made of pure nightmares, looking like a great smudge on the face of creation, blurry around the edges, but expansive to the point of grotesqueness.

"We can't outrun that thing!" 32's jaw dropped, "It could crush us with a single hoof!"

"...yeah..." Pommel glared at the beast.

"Private Pommel," The voice chimed in, "I believe you know what needs to be done."

"Yeah, yeah, I figured this was going to happen again," Pommel said stoically, before turning to 32, "You gotta go on ahead, buddy, I'll take care of her."

"Pommel...Pommel are you insane!? She'll kill you just like she did before!" 32 took a step towards his friend, but the guard shook his head.

"This time'll be different, believe me," Pommel smirked a bit, "You see I'm not the fastest, or the strongest, or the smartest, but there's one thing I am best at, and that's why you picked me."

Pommel's horn glowed, his armor hitched up a bit to reveal row upon row of frag grenades hidden underneath.

"I learn. I figured the big dumb bitch out, she may be damn near invincible on the outside, but inside? She's as squishy as the rest of us."

"Pommel, you can't-" 32 was cut off by a glare.

"Go, go and save your mind, I'll see you on the other side," Pommel smiled, "We all will."

32 sighed, looking from his friend to the behemoth and back again, "...farewell, Pommel, fight with all you have."

"Oh I will, don't you remember?" Pommel smirked, "I'm the Best in the World."

32 turned and began to run, behind him he heard a roar, and the sound of a magic blast hitting chitin.

"HEY! UGLY! Yeah, you! You're dealing with me now!"

He kept running, head down, he had to reach the doors.

"Yeah that's it, remember me? Your midday snack? Well it's time for the second course!"

Closer and closer it came.

Another roar, the sound of hooves clopping on stone, a grunt of a pony jumping.

So close.

"BEST IN THE WOOOOOORLD-!"

BOOM!

The force of the explosion threw 32 forward through the air, slamming him through the suddenly open doors and into darkness.

For a few moments, he laid there on the ground, panting, tears coming to his eyes. Once again, Pommel was dead, sacrificed in service of 32's ambitions, a willing lamb to the slaughter. He waited for the voice to tell him to get up, that time was running out, that he had to keep going.

But there was nothing, silence.

Because he was telling himself these things, he knew that if he didn't get up, then Pommel's sacrifice would have been in vain. So he got up and he readied himself for what came next.

"Such a brave little drone," A mocking voice rang out, "A shame its mind is that of a traitor."

From either side of 32, torches came to life, illuminating a great expansive throne. He stood upon a black carpet that carved a narrow path upwards, images of great battles and moments from changeling history emblazoned upon it in an expansive mural. To either side the walls were interspersed with stained glass windows depicting the dour faces of Queens big and small, slight and bulky, but all of them fierce. At the edges of the carpet stood stone-faced Warrior drones, armed and armored, standing at attention.

"Still taking in all the information except that which matters, typical," The voice was clearer now, at the end of the carpet, sitting on a throne, its owner smirked.

Queen Chrysalis.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
NC
>Chrysalis
"Twilight"
~~~
"Ah, Chrysalis, what brings you to my lab?"

>I just... I just want to know something, since we're being more honest these days.

"Ask away."

>Well... Did you ever find some great weakness to changelings?

"Honestly I never quite saw the need. 77's tale highlights that most changelings are as fragile as ponies, potentially moreso."

>That's what I mean, I mean 2's pretty tough but what should I- I mean we be worried about hurting her, even with all the love she's gained.

"Well, another changeling siphoning off love."

>Uh huh.

"Though the biggest one I'm amazed you didn't know yourself."

>What do you mean?

"You still get drunk and have hang overs, right?"

>Yeah.

"And you are vulnerable to cordyceps infection regardless."

>Still not following you here, are you saying there's a common bacta strain between fungus and barely?

"No. and Bacterial, you mean. What I mean to say is that most changelings are still vulnerable to poisons, powerful diseases, viruses, and virulent infections. For example, if you were to ever suffer cancer, Chrysalis, I dear say your love feeding would only make it worse."

>... you're kidding, right?

"I am not. I believe some changelings DO have poison immunity, tolerance, or can adapt, but as a general whole, I've noted nothing that would suggest that in the majority population. Which is why, should Chitania attack again, a potent nerve gas might do the trick."

>I think JerkJack and Pommel tried poisons, and that pink brat's tried to kill 56 before.

"Poisons are still our best shot on Chitania, and I'd rather not resort to bio weapons. As for 56, he is an anomaly I cannot explain. What I can tell you, Chrysalis, is to be careful for assassins who might poison your food or drink, and if you need to keep dissenting changelings quiet, a cyanide pills outta do the trick."

>That's a disturbing suggestion to hear from you.

"Oh, also, you may wish to avoid peanuts and cheese yourself. I think you inherited an allergy from your father."

>Uh oh, I just had a PB and J on the way over.

Chrysalis swells up

>Help...

"... I'll get my detox equipment."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>DT
"SS"
'77'
~~~~

>No, Silver Spoon, it's not illegal.

"How could that possibly not be illegal? It has to be."

>It's not illegal.

"77? Back me up here."

'It's illegal.'

>Fuck you, it's not illegal!

'Watch your language.'

>Oh suuuuure, when you assholes want me to hoof fight a fucking cyborg one on one and blow the fuck out of an airship swarming with killer laser spewing robots, everyone is just fine with my age and capabilities, as well they should be, but the minute I say a bawd wowd everyone freaks out because obviously I can't swear, right?! No! Somehow the shit I do whenever someone wants stuff done just doesn't quite reach the level of maturity necessary to tell those same assholes trying to kill me they can FUCK OFF! RIGHT!?

"..."
'...Uh, poppet? Is there... is there something you want to get off your chest?'

>Yeah! Stop acting like I'm not smarter and put up with more stuff than most 'adults' in this stupid place. I'm DIAMOND TIARA, thank you! 'NUFF SAID!

'...I'm telling your father.'

>PFFT! Like I care!

'...'
>...
'...'
>...Don't tell daddy! He'll ground me for a week! That's a whole half a day in my room, I'll go nuts!

'That math isn't adding up...'

>DON'T YOU DO IT!

'Doing it.'

>I WILL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF IN THE NEXT TRAINING SESSION!

'Not helping.'

>A DISTRACTION!

'Not falling for-... is that fire spelling words in the sky?'

"Can Spike do that?"

'I didn't think so...'

>And now I'm heading over that way.

'I'm still going to inform him.'

>...we'll just see about that...

*runs ahead*

'...She's going to kill me before I leave, isn't she?'

"Yes."

'...'

"Did you want me to sugar coat it? I won't, can't lie to you like that, man. You're going to die."

'...'

"...You're the dumbass who picked a fight with the one with the rocket launcher."

'I'll tell your parents too.'

"Good luck with that."

*Runs after DT*

'...And yet, somehow, those two are among the happier parts of my life... huh..'
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Blueblood
"PJ"
~~~~

>...

"Okay, you've been staring at those two outside for a while now, what's up blondy? You got a bit of a narcissistic crush? Heard she rented him out once, maybe you want to get another kind of 'visit' in before everyone gets back home?"

>...

"Fair warning, though, she probably won't keep that close to the chest. She seems like the type to blab."

>...How is he still going?

"My goodness, you took my advice and can see into the future! You're just full of surprises!"

>You don't understand, that thing isn't supposed to have a power supply that could last more than a week, at best. It's baffling that it could still be walking, let alone functioning.

"Look, buddy, you don't have to make stuff up to poke around under his hood. Have you seen the guy? Total sub, he'd let you do any command you wanted."

>You're doing this to annoy me.

"I'm doing it so you'll stop staring creepily out the window on 10 and her Botbuddy. You should be stretching your legs, eating some real food, stuff like that."

>I know, but.. it's so fascinating. She has such a genuine affection for him, she seems to truly believe he is her friend and she would do anything for him... but he's just a machine, a bunch of welded together steel and wires, any thought programmed in poorly by Flim or Flam. He was made for a single, dark purpose... and yet all she sees is her best friend in the whole wide world.

"And all I hear is "blah blah blah I'm so philosophical blah blah blah I'm DEEP MAN blahblahblah LIFE!", and so on and so forth."

>...

"Now, see, most guys frown when I do that stuff, your smiling may be the sign of a serious issue, mentally."

>I suppose I am being silly. She'll realize he's not capable of a friendship that is real, someday. His cold, dead skin will one day be undeniable. All illusions eventually fall away-

*SMACK!*

>OW!

"If I wanted a philosophy lesson, I'd get sloshed and go hit up that whiny asshole 29... if he's not dead, I mean. I have no idea, fucker ran off months ago and I haven't seen him since."

>Are you worried?

"Yeah, he might've survived, and that thought is terrifying."

>...

"...What?"

>I suppose time is wasting, best to get to enjoying what little free time I have left.

"That's the spirit!... mostly."

>...Thought I do wonder-

*SMACK!*

>OW! OKAY! I'M GOING!

"You're damn right you are!... Dumbasss."
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>Poindexter
"???"
~~~~~

>Didn't have to make me go get the snacks... could've just gotten it herself-

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

>... Hey, 18.

"YOU'RE ALIVE!"

>Yep.

"And not around Maney... ah, shit, did she-"

>I'm not barred off from seeing her under threat of castration, if that's what you mean.

"HOLY LOVING FUCK ON THE SANDIEST OF BEACHES! HOW!? HOW ARE YOU NOT-"

>...

"...Shiny?"

>I will never again call him a bad wingpony.

"Again?"

>Every freaking party they ended up shoving me aside and going after him. His best wingpony moment before today was "That day he called in sick."

"Mmm... he is something, isn't he?"

>...

"...Not knocking YOU, you have your own pluses, of course!... It's just... that's Shiny."

>Yeah... that's Shiny...

"Well, glad to hear you're not, I don't know, going to be set aflame or something."

>Yeah... any idea on how to make her less mad at me?

"Hook her up with Shining Armor."

>..

"Let's not pretend you asked me something I could answer helpfully and realistically, okay?"

>Fair enough.

"But if it makes you feel any better, I'll help."

>Really?

"Okay, you being shocked is a little offensive after how much I've helped you so far."

>No no! I'm appreciative, just, that's your Queen, right?

"Technically. Doesn't mean I don't get to have side things, you know."

>Technically?

"Stop questioning me, thank me for the help, and let's go."

>...Thanks. I uh, wow.

"Yes, I know, I'm so generous and amazing. No need to hold it in."

>You actually are, weirdly. But... why?

"Hey, maybe I just want a buddy to chase that carrot on a stick so I don't feel so alone."

>What happens if I, you know...

"Well, if that happens... you just tell me how that carrot tastes, okay?"

>...

"Come on, we've got work to do and I'm only a so-so wingpony."

>Yeah, right behind you, thanks for the help...

...

>...I wish I could return the favor...
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>Flim
"Flam"
~~~~~~~~

>So, Flam, what do you think?

"I think he might be crazy, Flim."

>Crazy he may be, but it is a possibility.

"Not a very good one."

>Not even feeling the sync talk?

"...We're screwed, Flim."

>Don't say that! You're far too pessimistic oh brother of mine! We could still... uh... I mean, he made it sound like maybe if we asked for forgiveness we could... it made sense when he said it!

"..."

>So what do you want to do, huh!? Just... just try to break out and go work for someone else?!

"Oh yeah, that'll come out great! Couple of national criminals working for some big, likely brutal and evil employer. We totally wouldn't be expendable fodder who would be used up and killed in a month. It's a great idea to put our lives in the hooves of someone who probably does killing and hiding bodies for a living. There is no way this can backfire!"

>Fine, whatever, some other employer would probably screw us over, yeah, but it's better than this!

"The hell it is! At least here we're not actively causing more chaos destruction!"

>...Flam, I...

"I want out too, but not like that."

>...I don't want to die in here.

"You think I do!?"

>...

"Let's just wait till they get back, ask to talk to one of the princesses like he said, and go from there."

>What do we do when it doesn't work?

"Now who's being pessimistic."

>Flam... I'm sorry.

"No need to apologize-"

>No, I mean because if the turn us down, if they say there's no chance we'll ever get out of here period... I'm finding another way out.

"Flim, we'll just end up running-"

>I don't care! I would rather spend ten years looking over my shoulder and then ending up in a shallow ditch than forty trying to find a reason to wake up in the morning. I'm not dumb enough to throw my lot in with another maniacal rich asshole, but running and hiding for the rest of my life is way better than sleeping on moldy sheets in a dank dungeon until they drag my grey haired corpse out of here. I need SOMETHING, brother. They just need to give me a possibility, and I'll stick around and try to get out the right way, like Blueblood said. But if they can't even give me that..

"Maybe we deserve to be in here."

>Maybe. Maybe we deserved a lot of things. Maybe not. It doesn't matter. I'm being optimistic, I'm being chipper and happy and willing to do whatever it takes to show I want to get out of here the right way and prove I'm not a threat or what have you. But if they take that away, I've got nothing to lose. I want a chance, Brother. If they can't give it to me, I'm going to take it my own way. You want to stay here, fine. I don't care if I don't even make it past the yard, It's not going to be in here. End of story.

"I... we're supposed to stick together. Together till the end, that's what we said."

>Flam, I love you, and nothing will ever change that. But if whichever princess we talk to looks me in the eye and says "You are serving a life sentence, with no parole", it will be the end. That will be the end of everything. It's your call if you want to follow me or not, but I'm running right into that abyss, and I'm not looking back.

"..."

>...Try to get some shut eye, they'll be back in a few days, and we can talk more then. Just... just try to get some sleep. Only thing we can do around here.

"...Brother?"

Slowly, a hoof snaked down from the top of the bed, and hung limply next to the occupant below.

>...

A hoof reached out to meet it, and held on tightly.

>I'm Flim

"I'm Flam."

>"And the Flim Flam brothers are together till the end."
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
>It's not illegal to launch a pony with a rocket so long as they survive!
>It's not illegal to get on a ride if you're shorter than the "You must be this tall" sign, and that money was a tip, not a bribe!
>It's not illegal to use a jump-boost to get ahead of someone so you can be at the front of the line! Pegasi can fly, just because they have less fire doesn't mean my way isn't valid!
>It's not illegal to eat an entire corndog at once!.. no, really, I'm pretty sure that's legal- No I did not threaten him, TBDRLIATU was just pointing that way! It's not illegal to lean him!
>It's not illegal to ride the roller-coaster with a rocket launcher between your legs! I don't care how it looks, it's only public indecency if you have your mind in the gutter!
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________