Not so Shy

>Be Lincoln
>Shit’s pretty cash money yo
“Ace Savvy.”
“Musclefish.”
“Ace Savvy!”
“Musclefish!”
>You were sitting at your usual table, the hustle and bustle of the cafeteria all around you
>Clyde and Rusty were currently engaged in a battle of the wits
>Which is to say they were arguing which superhero could totally beat the other in a fight
>To the winner would go the spoils
>To the loser eternal shame
“Personally, I’ve always thought Mr. Anonymous could beat both of them.”
>Well screw you too Zach!
>Everyone knows pulling the Mr. Anonymous card was cheating
>Freakin’ utility belt motherfu-
“We’re not going down that road Zach!” Rusty snapped
“But he’s totally got some Stupidnameium in his utility belt!”
>AND THERE IT IS!
>LIKE CLOCKWORK!
“We’re not doing it Zach! Musclefish!”
“You are an actual troglodyte if you think Musclefish can beat Ace Savvy,” Clyde said, wiping off his glasses on his shirt, “I can’t believe I’m talking to a literal caveman here!”
“Musclefish gets stronger the more determined he gets, all he has to do is outlast Ace Savvy and he’ll-
“You can’t outlast Ace Savvy! The whole point of Ace Savvy is that he’s not only superstrong, but supersmart. He’ll have already deduced Musclefish’s powers AND weaknesses three minutes into the fight, and from there it’s only a matter of time before he comes up with the perfect trap to incapacitate him.”
“Why are we even havin’ this conversation,” Liam chimed in, chewing on his tuna sandwich, “Musclefish and Ace are friends, why would they fight? This don’t make a lick ‘a sense!”
“Maybe Lady Spectre has one of them under her mind control?”
“This plot’s highly predictable, and if that’s the case then the one that’s mind controlled is gonna lose ‘cause the villain always loses. ‘Sides, everyone knows that once you’ve been hypnotized yer fighting ability is hindered, yer graspin’ at straws here!”
>You watch the shitshow with a critical eye, having wisely decided to sit this one out
>The whole day was pretty much like this, and as much as you liked the guys you really just wanted to get home so you could chill for the rest of the weekend reading comics in your underwear
>Alone on a Friday night?
>Fuck, you WISH you could get some alone time in the Hell House
>Unfortunately for you, a man can only stand so much sheer unbridled autism, and after a good ten minutes of listening to your buds make asses of themselves the veritable reservoir of your patience had begun to wear thin
>So had your lunch for that matter
>You give the sloppy orange mush a good poke with your spork and frown when it pokes back
“Think I’m done with this,” you mutter to yourself, your words going unheard as the lads begin to screech and flail around
>Grabbing the tray and giving the boys a quick glare, you pushed yourself up with a grunt and turned around...
>Only to bump into a tense looking girl with black hair covering one eye
>It’s Shy-qt!
>Good ‘ol Shy
>You really should learn your classmate’s names
>The first thing you notice is that she’s blushing
>This is not surprising, you’ve known Shy since kindergarten – though you could honestly count all the times you’ve had a genuine conversation with her on one hand – and that girl had some serious social anxiety issues
>Why, she’d get all flustered from a simple good morning or hello
>The second thing you notice is that she looks nervous
>Well, more nervous than usual
>Her hair and clothes look mussed, and her eye kept twitching as she looked around anxiously
>Her fists were clenched tightly around the hem of her skirt which she wrung mercilessly
>She was also doing something weird with her legs, like she was actively fighting every impulse in her body just to keep herself from running off
>She just couldn’t seem to keep still, shifting from side to side as she practically vibrated in place
>Honestly, it was starting to make you more than a little apprehensive
>But Momma Loud didn’t raise no rude boy, and the realization that Shy probably just wanted to say something to you but was too nervous to just spit it out calmed you down somewhat
>You give the social reject a genuinely friendly smile
“Oh, hey Shy, what’s up? You need—
“This one's mine!” Shy screams, pointing at you. “This is my boyfriend!”
>...
>Ex-fucking-cuse me?
>All around the cafeteria children stop and stare as the echoes of Shy’s outburst cascade over the walls
>Shy shudders a bit with so many sets of eyes on her, but with a mighty gulp she swallows her fears and stands up just a bit taller
“This is my b-b-boyfriend, a-and nobody else’s!”
>For a moment nobody says anything, nobody even reacts
>A few kids are looking at each other, smiling nervously and waiting for a punchline that just won’t come
>Finally, your mind catches up with reality and you open your mouth to ask her just what the hell she thinks she’s doing
>Suddenly she darts forward, and before you’ve had the chance to so much as blink, she swings a hand up and cups your Fabergé eggs
>Your legs cross, your pupils dilate, your tray hits the ground with a clang, and you open your mouth and let out a silent scream that sends every dog in a three-mile radius running for the hills
>Every boy in the cafeteria cringes
“Th-These are m-mine!” Shy stammers out loudly, trying her best to seem intimidating as she looks around the lunchroom.
>The jaws of every single girl present simultaneously hit the ground
>The orange mush sees its chance and makes a break for the door
>With a hoarse wheeze you bend forward and grab her hand, pulling it away from your most prized possessions
>Unfortunately, it seems Shy has mistaken your actions for a confirmation of your mutual affections, because she tightens her pale fingers around yours and her smile becomes much less nervous, the determination in her eyes all the fiercer
“Th-this is my boyfriend, and we-we’re going to go on dates, and watch movies together, and c-c-cuddle under the blanket and I’m going to love him forever!”
>Muhheart~
>Muhnuts!
>Guiding you by the hand Shy pulls you closer until your paled face is nestled into the crook of her neck
>Shy’s expression suddenly hardens, and she lets go of your hand for a brief moment to wrap her arm around you before grabbing it again
>She holds you tightly and glares at the motely crowd she’s attracted
“H-He’s my boyfriend, and if anybody’s got anything to say about it, well, they better say it!”
>Shy shakes a clenched fist at Stella who quickly takes a few nervous steps back, hands held up and head shaking back and forth
>Wow, fuck you too bitch
>Fuckin’ fair weather friend over here
“Nobody else can have him but me,” she continues. “Me and only me, so if anybody wants to t-take him from me they can... they can f-fight me right now!”
>You can hear Chandler’s signature chuckle from somewhere in the crowd and Shy whips around to face him, fire in her eyes and teeth bared
>Chandler clearly knows a losing battle when he sees one and flinches back, offering the irate lass an apologetic smile as he ducks behind Poppa Wheelie who merely shakes his head in disappointment
>Shy’s sudden movement throws you off balance and with a moan you throw your arms around her to steady yourself, cursing your wobbly knees and swimming vision
>Shy offers you a genuine smile and gives your cheek a big ‘ol smooch as she steadies you
"W-Well? Is anybody going to say something?" Shy demands, her voice cracking. "B-Because if you do, I'll... I-I'll do... SOMETHING! I mean it too!"
>Utterly baffled by what they were seeing not a single one of your classmates does anything but stare at the two of you in confusion
>Even in your hazy state you can tell nobody else is really laughing at you, or even making fun of the situation
>The whole thing was just too bizarre, too sudden to be anything but unsettling
>Hell, more than a few of them are giving you concerned and sympathetic looks
>You angle your head and stare back at your friends
>They too were ogling, eyes wide and mouths hanging open in astonishment
>Clyde’s eyes immediately lock onto yours and the two of you share a moment only true brothers are privy too
>Then he blinks, smiles, and gives you a thumb’s up with a cheeky little wink
>Goddammit Clyde
>Shy stomps a foot, looking all around to see if anybody’s going to step up
>She’s shaking like a leaf, though you’re not sure if she’s afraid of somebody doing something or actually looking forward to it
>When no one moves she relaxes, smiling softly and looking far too pleased with herself
“G-Good! Now, I’ll just take my b-boyfriend home with me so we can s-snuggle and hold hands in my bed!” she says, puffing out her chest proudly
>She then looks up at you, and with the widest smile you’ve ever seen on her gives you a quick peck on the lips
>By now the pain in your crotch is slowly beginning to subside and you finally feel like you can give this girl a piece of your mind
“Hrglblrgl.”
>Okay, maybe not now, but in a few minutes you were going to give this girl a piece of your mind!
>Shy chuckles and with a swing of her arms the world begins to spin and by the time it takes for you to clear your head you find yourself snuggled safely in her arms
>With a strength you’ve never seen from her Shy hefts you up, nuzzles your cheek, and begins to carry you bridal style towards the opened cafeteria doors
“D-Don’t worry Lincoln, I’ll be the best girlfriend ever, I p-promise,” she says, a note of genuine happiness in her voice as she starts babbling on and on about how happy the two of you will be and all the fun things she has planned for this weekend
>With an excited giggle Shy carries you over the threshold, leaving behind a stunned and silent lunchroom in her wake
>The entire student body population of Royal Woods Elementary watches the two of you leave, eyes and mouths wide open
>Nobody moves, nobody says a word
>There was a tenseness in the air that held them all captive, as each one of them asked themselves that same sempiternal question...
>What the hell just happened?
>The silence was broken by a long-winded sigh and a hundred eyes shot over to the loser table were Zach was currently throwing his arms behind his head and propping his legs up on the table with a grin of smug self-satisfaction
“See that?” the boy asks the room, a glint in his eye. “That’s my fetish.”
“You’re a sick little monkey Zach,” Rusty said, wagging a spork
>Zach glared right back and flipped him the bird
“Up yours, Roy Lee Dennis!”