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WhistlingFlame

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Aug 20th, 2017
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  1. Skywarp was younger than Thundercracker at about one and a half to two million years of age.@h@
  2.  
  3. Do you have proof of this from a previous episode, or is this creative license?
  4.  
  5. Skywarp was a trouble maker,
  6.  
  7. That should be "troublemaker".
  8.  
  9. Skywarp's record indicated that he was suspect in several murders,
  10.  
  11. "Suspect" should be "suspected" since "indicated" shows this is past-tense.
  12.  
  13. And then There was Starscream, the youngest of the three.
  14.  
  15. See my first comment, is there proof of this? Also, "There" should be lowercase.
  16.  
  17. He was sparked in Vos
  18.  
  19. Where did you get the term "sparked"? The current terms are "forged" and "constructed cold".
  20.  
  21. Initiated a second search, this one accessing the University of Iacon's records. This search required some hacking, which Darkstar was able to do.
  22.  
  23. This sentence needs a subject to show who's initiating the search. Readers shouldn't need to read ahead to find out, unless you're building suspense or intentionally omitting it.
  24.  
  25. Skyfire and Starscream had been on a geological study of a primitive alien world where Starscream had returned alone.
  26.  
  27. "Where Starscream had returned alone"? Did you mean "when Starscream had returned alone."?
  28.  
  29. The allegations made against Starscream was based off his report that Skyfire had gone missing and he had searched to no avail returned home alone.
  30.  
  31. "was" should be "were" since there were multiple allegations and "was" is a singular word. I would also tweak the end of the sentence like so:
  32.  
  33. The allegations made against Starscream were based off his report that Skyfire had gone missing and he had searched to no avail before he returned home alone.
  34.  
  35. The survey report was filed under Starscream's name yet they felt the story was deeper and that he murdered, then left Skyfire on the planet to advance his career.
  36.  
  37. "that he murdered" should be "that he had murdered".
  38.  
  39. Darkstar realised that this is what pushed the young scientist to the Decepticon's War Academy and not the Autobot's Academy. The young Seeker was quite potentially an Autobot sympathiser.
  40.  
  41. I'm confused. If he was an Autobot sympathizer shouldn't he have joined the Autobot's Academy? Also, I notice it's the Decepticon's War Academy, but the Autobot academy doesn't have a demarcation. Is it generic? Why did you choose "Decepticon's War Academy" instead of the "Cybertron War Academy" which is where Starscream went according to the G1 cartoon "A Prime Problem"?
  42.  
  43. 'An interesting grouping of backgrounds,' Darkstar thought as he glanced through other files and records, then opening the academic studies selected by each candidate.
  44.  
  45. Darkstar's quotation should be double quotes. Single quotes are used when quoting someone else, double quotes when you are speaking. "opening" should be "opened".
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