DAiE Ch. 3 P. 1 - The Makeover

>You are Doctor Anonymous. You have split the atom and then fixed it again.
>And right now, you are- okay, this is utterly stupid.
>What does a pone know about human fashion anyway?
>You grip onto your labcoat, as the white pony's magical aura attempts to wrest it from your grip.
>Fluttershy, who agreed to help with your makeover, just watches from behind one of the mannequins, looking quite terrified of the struggle.
"Rarity. I told you, the labcoat stays."
>Grunting, she yanks back her horn in an attempt to rip the garment off of you. "You're going to see the princess!" She growls through her teeth. "I simply won't allow you to go dressed in something so... uncouth!"
>Luckily, for all her "magic", she can't force the coat off of your body. Finally, she falls to the floor, panting.
"The. Coat. Stays."
>Sighing, she looks up at you with a mixture of annoyance and despondency.
>"Fine. At least let me wash it? It's stained with... who knows what."
"Oh, I know what."
>You begin pointing to the many technicolor stains on your coat.
"That one is formaldehyde. That one is coolant. That one is cider from last night. I have no idea what that one i-"
>The sound of fabric flapping through the air strikes you, as Rarity's magical aura takes advantage of your distraction and suddenly hooks the coat off your body.
>It drifts to the floor. You can see Rarity's mouth hanging open, and from behind one of the mannequins, a pair of yellow wings spring out stiffly.
"...what?"

>The normally eloquent white unicorn only manages a few garbled syllables. Meanwhile, Fluttershy, who has been scared senseless by you since is suddenly at your side, a hoof laid on your shoulder as she looks down at you.
>"Oh my, Doctor. I didn't know humans were so... muscular."
>What?
"Oh.. well, we're usually not. But I have a number of cybernetic systems that perfectly regulate my metabolic health to extend my lifespan until I can successfully upload my consciousness."
>That sentence seems to spring Rarity out of whatever stupor she was in. "...what?"
"Uhm. Nevermind."
>She looks away from you. "Well, I'm going to start getting this clean. Fluttershy, would you mind washing his mane? We've... got to do something about that."
>Fluttershy nods, guiding you over to one of the sinks in the boutique.
"Okay, I've had it up to here with ponies complaining about my ma-HAIR. What in the world is so important about hair?!"
>As you rant on, Fluttershy lowers your head to the sink. You comply, not even processing what's going on as you continue to complain.
"-just a bunch of pointless keratin. Dead proteins! And it's so disgust-
>The water comes on, and it takes a minute for it to become a pleasantly warm temperature.
"-filled with dirt and grease from your body. And another thhiiiiiihnou my god how do you do that with hooves."
>Fluttershy has already set to work, the appendages softly kneading and massaging your scalp as she works the warm water into your hair.
>Every muscle in your body falls sort of limp, and the yellow pony starts to hum a pleasant melody as she works the grime from your unkempt locks.
>Dear sweet science that's good.

>You could seriously let this pony wash your hair forever. All of your normal hang ups about other living things touching you just... they don't matter.
>This pony. This pony right here. Yellowquiet is officially golden in your book.
>You hear the clopping of hooves as Rarity approaches you. You look over in her direction, nominally.
>"Well, your labcoat is in the wash, but are you sure you won't let me design something else for you? It'd be a shame to ah... cover all that up."
>You're quite certain that your jimmies should be rustling at this moment in time, but you just can't find any fucks to give with Fluttershy massaging the shampoo into your neglected hair.
"Y...yeah, sure, Rarity. Anything you wanna do is fine. Everything is fine."
>You give a contended sigh, and the squee that emanates from Rarity as she gallops off deeper into the boutique is only an echo in the back of your mind.

>Only until after Fluttershy finishes (much to your displeasure) do you process what Rarity had just said. You get a terrible feeling in your gut, but you decide to give her the benefit of the doubt.
>You've seen what she designs hanging around the shop. It can't be too bad, right?
>Finally, the white pony emerges from her work area, a pair of stylish red glasses nesting on her snout. "Well, I managed to work something out. I've never designed for a human before, but your coat gave me enough insight, I think."
"May I see it?"
>She smiles. "Of course dear, but first, we need to give you a manecut. You're in desperate need of one."
>You resist the urge to break into another tirade and sigh, sitting on a stool Fluttershy found for you.
>Rarity's magic levitates a pair of scissors towards your head, and the clipping begins. You hate haircuts so much. There's always awkward conversation.
>Wait, conversation. Perhaps you can use this time to gather information.
"So, Rarity. Fluttershy. Do you mind if I ask you something?"
>Rarity shakes her head lightly, but it's clear she's only half paying attention as she continues to pull out and trim your hair. "Not at all, dear. What's on your mind?"
"It's... about Pinkamina."
>You hear her teeth grinding as she falters, but quickly composes her self. You turn your head just enough to see her expression without interrupting her work. Is that... disappointment?
>"Pinkie? Yes, dear, what about her?"
"Is what she can do normal for ponies?"

>This time Fluttershy chimes in. "Well, I don't think anyone throws parties quite like Pinkie, but it's not really abnormal."
"No, no. I mean- being in one place, and then appearing in another. The body distortion? That thing she did with her mane last night?"
>The ponies look at each other, then back to you. Rarity, sighing, returns to her work. "Ah, that. No, dear. Nopony is quite like Pinkie Pie."
"Why is that? I've seen both you and Twilight perform magic. What makes her different?"
>"Well, for one thing, she's not a unicorn. We're not even sure how she does it."
>This is completely unsatisfactory to you.
"There must be some explanation. Aren't you the least bit curious at how she just... ignores the laws of physics? I mean, at least you unicorns have a clear apparatus for doing so."
>Rarity looks at you with what appears to be pity. "Twilight's tried to analyze it, darling. And believe me, when she tries to explain something, it takes quite a bit to dissuade her."
"She just didn't investigate deeply enough, then. There's an explanation for everything, and-"
>Before you can get anymore heated, Rarity breaks out into a sudden smile, setting the scissors on a table and bring a mirror up to your vision.
"-and... and... holy crap."

>You look good. Hell, you look better than good. You are looking goooooood.
"This is... great, Rarity. I'm actually impressed."
>The white pony beams up at you. Any doubts you had in her talent are immediately erased.
>"And now for the new outfit!" Rarity declares, as she trots to the back to fetch it.
>The next fifteen minutes are a blur of fabric and frustration. Apparently dressing a human is much harder than undressing one.
>After a few minor adjustments, you're fitted into to the clothes. They're more comfortable than you had thought, and as Rarity leads you to the mirror, you are only more surprised.
>A white dress shirt, a blue double-breasted vest, and a new pair of black slacks to replace your old, dirty ones. This is perhaps the most stylish you have ever looked.
"Color me astonished. I look like a regular cosmopolitan gentleman."
>You didn't know you knew what that word meant. Actually, you still might not know what it means.

>The bell at the boutique's door rings, and you turn to see Twilight and Albert enter.
"Hello, Twilight. Albert."
>The purple pony gives you a warm smile, while Albert just hovers there, an astonished look on his face. "Lookin goooooood, Anon!"
"That's what I said! Or thought."
>She giggles, motioning to the door.
>"The carriage is here. Are you ready to go meet the princess?"
"Yes. Meet the princess! Right. That is definitely a thing I am ready to do. Yes."
>fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckyoutotallyforgotthat'swhatthismakeoverwasfor
>A black wind blows. You feel the rustling begin.