Episode 1 First Draft

<scene opens on a snow covered hill with someone walking down it>
Nar: "The icey grip of jack frost was only just beginning to loosen in the sleepy
town of trenton.
It was the end of march and our less-than-hero was only now worrying about rent"
<camera pans from ground up to Jimmy's face as the narrator explains>
Nar: "This is James, he is lower than the lowest form of scum, known by his
government as a NEET which is an acronym standing for 'Not in Education or Employment Training',
but his friends know him as simply 'Jimmy' "
Jimmy: "I can't fucking believe this incredible horse shit"
Nar: "You see the month was about to end and James being an absolute mess
had no money for rent, as usual"
<Nearing the bottom of the hill Jimmy turns on to high street with a sour
look on his face. switch to a freeze frame portrait shot of Jimmy and display 'The NEET'>

<scene opens on a ice covered East River, after a moment Andrew walks through the frame, face obscured>
Andy: "Man this horseshit, I can't fucking believe it"
<The camera focuses on his face for a moment as he pulls down his scarf/shemagh and you see the sour look on his face>
Nar: "He was of course not speaking of the same horseshit as James, he was talking about his work,
you see Andrew had been faithfully working the same security job for more than 3 years
he was hearing rumours of his impending unemployment; nothing special in this distopian town"
<freeze frame close up on Andy's face as he covers it again. display 'The Father'

<Jimmy walking through the snow trench in his yard towards the burnt out light of his apartment's door,
reaching in his pocket he grabs his keys. Shot from inside shows him swearing incoherently and struggling with door>
Jimmy: "Great and now on top of it all I can't even get into the apartment I can't fucking pay for, ODIN give me STR buffs!"
<scene is now inside his apt facing the window as you hear more swearing before Jimmy climbs through it>
Jimmy: "Great, fuck, now time to get some god damn food in me"
<shot from inside the freezer as it opens (empty and to a sad look from jimmy)
same shot for the fridge>
Jimmy: "Looks like hotdog buns again then" <as he sits on his bed and opens his laptop>
Jimmy: "What are we gonna do Tonberry?" <Jimmy sips cold coffee, and makes a face, lights a joint, then continues drinking (forgetting and making another face)>
Jimmy: "Sigh, whatever I don't wanna think about it. Let's see what Andrew is saying"

<Andrew walks down the sidewalk and as he turns to walk up his steps the shot switches to inside his porch>
<He slips and half-heartedly-bitches as he rights himself and begins to draw his keys to unlock the door>
Andrew: "And you never shovel the motherfucking SNOW!"
<he sighs and removes his boots and scarf>
<shot from his room (lights off) andrew opens the door, turns on his light, sits down and loads a bowl as he opens his laptop and immediately recieves jimmy's message>
Andrew: "Yeah fine, i'll chill with that faggot, maybe he'll have some of the money he owes me finally!"
Nar: "He unfortunately would not, like, ever"
Andrew: "Y-e-s, s-u-r-e, w-a-l-k, o-v-e-r" <with typing>
<Andrew smokes his bowl, stands up and walks out of frame as he coughs and smoke blows into the shot>
Nar: "There was a loud annoying knock at the door"
<Andrew opens the mini fridge and cracks a beer before loading a new bowl; meanwhile Jimmy is still knocking at the door (shot from inside)>
Nar: "THERE IS A LOUD ANNOYING KNOCK /AT THE DOOR/!"
<A loud BANG followed by Jimmy walking into andrew's room, Andrew looks up surprised as Jimmy rounds the bed to sit>
Jimmy: "I need rent but I have a plan and you stand to make some money if you're in, otherwise you can just have plausable deniability"
<Andrew stands up and puts on some outdoor clothes as Jimmy lights the bowl Andrew was loading>
Andrew: "We're not killing someone are we?"
Jimmy: "No but ya got spirit, kid. We're robbing the local new-money, sobey's old man just died and the scumbag son is fucked out of his mind on a drug fueled spending spree!"
Andrew: "How in the fuck are we supposed to do THAT?"
<Jimmy bends over his backpack, unzipping it and taking out two masks>
Jimmy: "I actually just got back from a necromancer-blood-orgy/lame party over at his place that I managed to sneak into Eye's Wide Shut style!
We just wait for the party to die down and then blow in there before he even has time to freebase some crack in his shiny new silver spoon!"
<Andrew now finished dressing picks up his beer and takes a long draw from it>
Andrew: "That's fucking stupid, we'll totally get caught, I'll roll a few joints."
<Cut to a shot of (insert nice house here), the guys are outside talking in low voices about the plan as andrew bitches half heartedly about the wind while lighting a joint>
Jimmy: "This is fucking stupid, I'm cold as fuck, what if this goes sideways and he summons skeletons or some shit?"
Andrew: (still lighting joint) "It was your idea, man, do you want rent or not?"
Jimmy: "Man I would be fine with a sandwich, stop bogarting the joint"
Nar: "The local rich family that owned almost all the land and grocery stores in the area had for whatever reason decided to live in this abstract hell"
<the guys arguing behind the narration>
Jimmy: "Well let's get this over with then, I'm hungry as fuck"
<Interior shot of a window being (loudly) opened from the outside and a duffle being thrown through before jimmy climbs in swearing>
Jimmy: "Pass me your bag and be quiet climbing in here, I don't wanna get arressted before I get some greasy foods inside my body"
<Andrew throws the bag inturupting Jimmy and climbs through the window giving him a dirty look>
<Walking over to the lightswitch and flicking it on as he enters the kitchen, Jimmy rushes to the fridge as Andrew runs after him turning off the lights and grabbing his arm>
Andrew: "Dude, WTF, you are the worst criminal wtf, leave the lights off and leave the fridge alone you can eat when we get home!"
Jimmy: "BUT I'm hungry NOW"
<Jimmy removes Andrew's hand and forces the fridge back open as he lifts his mask and cracks a beer and begins to chug it>
???: "What the fuck? I knew I heard someone, who the fuck are you clowns?"
<Andrew tackles the new intruder as another comes in the kitchen only to get put in a headlock by Jimmy>
Nar: "The guys now in their heated confrontation had unfortunately forgotten stealth as they yelled and cursed and wrestled around on the floor with their new company, it was then that the home owner entered the fray"
Sobeys: "OH MY GOD, I'M BEING BURGLED! HOLY SHIT, SHOULD I CALL THE POLICE?!"
Jimmy: "No, UHHHH... IT'S FINE WE'RE JUST <punched in the face and interupted> FUCK YOU <returns punch> FRIENDLY VIGILLANTES AND SHIT! WE CAN HANDLE THESE CRIMINALS FOR YOU!"
<Sobeys looks over the situation not looking reassured by this lie>
Nar: "And perhaps it was the hangover, the adrenaline or the cocain and weed mixing or maybe it was the very hand of Odin guiding them but <redacted> was just dumb enough to buy it"
Sobeys: "Uhh... oh-... okay, thanks!"
<Andrew still trying to wrestle his suspect into custody gives a thumbs up and then punches them repeatedly knocking them out>
<Jimmy throws his into (whatever) and then fixes his mask before turning towards his target>
Sobeys: "You guys are heroes! Don't worry about these fools, i'll have my people "take care of them" "
<Jimmy stoops over and searches one of them as andrew begins to do the same>
<they pull out wallets and flip through them throwing the cards all over as they upend them finding nothing but stray change and a giftcard>
Jimmy: "Well fuck, whatever lets go."
<they both stand and leave as sobeys looks confused and tries to understand what just happened>
<the guys are walking down the sidewalk towards sobeys and drinking the beers stolen from the fridge as Andrew lights the other joint>
Andrew: "That was bullshit, I just wanted you to know" <passes the joint>
Jimmy: "You're bullshit, at least we got a giftcard and some beers" <passes the joint>
Andrew: "Yeah well that was hardly the plan, we /HAD/ beer, maybe next time plan a little better"<passes joint>
Jimmy: "How the fuck was I supposed to know that someone ELSE would be burglarizing that dick-whip?" <passes joint>
<shot of andrew and cherie's retarded amount of junkfood>
Nar: "And it was money well spent, will the sugar high provide enough of a boost to bloodflow in the guy's brains to come up with a plan to pay James' rent?
Will the skeleton controlling Andrew break free of it's flesh-cage, murdering James in a xylophoneesque clatter of bones and terrifying shrieks?
Find out in the next exciting episode of <display title card>'WORK_IN_PROGRESS'!"
<fade in credits or whateverthefuck>