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New LK21 HD
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Subtitles by explosiveskull

2
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(BIRDS CHIRPING)

3
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Bullshit!

4
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MORGAN: No.

5
00:00:38,073 --> 00:00:40,108
Since when?

6
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(SIGHS) Since 15 years ago.

7
00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:45,514
Bullshit.

8
00:00:45,516 --> 00:00:46,681
No, it's not.

9
00:00:46,683 --> 00:00:48,084
Where's your ring?

10
00:00:51,955 --> 00:00:54,087
Ha! I know a Cracker Jack prize

11
00:00:54,089 --> 00:00:56,090
when I see one. Where is he, then?

12
00:00:56,092 --> 00:00:57,827
He is in LA with a client right now.

13
00:00:57,829 --> 00:01:02,032
Okay, well, where's your
wedding-type snapshots

14
00:01:02,034 --> 00:01:05,467
and, you know, pretty photos
of you and this husband?

15
00:01:05,469 --> 00:01:07,770
We host a lot of parties here,

16
00:01:07,772 --> 00:01:10,106
and Grady thinks that personal
artifacts are tacky, so that's why...

17
00:01:10,108 --> 00:01:11,473
- G... Grady?
- Yes.

18
00:01:11,475 --> 00:01:13,175
His name is Grady? Come on.

19
00:01:13,177 --> 00:01:15,377
Yes... Yes, Stensland, his name is Grady.

20
00:01:15,379 --> 00:01:18,146
(LAUGHS INCREDULOUSLY)

21
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Bullshit! Ha! Nice try.

22
00:01:20,383 --> 00:01:23,051
Jesus, I can't believe you, Morgan.

23
00:01:23,053 --> 00:01:24,820
Where... Where are you going?

24
00:01:24,822 --> 00:01:27,156
To expose the lack of man
clothing in your closet

25
00:01:27,158 --> 00:01:28,592
and prove that you're bullshitting.

26
00:01:30,128 --> 00:01:31,628
What the fuck!

27
00:01:32,164 --> 00:01:34,166
I'm married!

28
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:38,602
Tell me you don't have
kids. Were they watching us?

29
00:01:38,604 --> 00:01:40,903
No. I don't... Why would
I have my kids watching...

30
00:01:40,905 --> 00:01:42,572
I don't have any kids.

31
00:01:42,574 --> 00:01:44,039
You don't have kids because
he's a violent drunk.

32
00:01:44,041 --> 00:01:45,742
- No, we just...
- He'd beat them.

33
00:01:45,744 --> 00:01:47,343
Each other is all we've
ever really wanted or needed,

34
00:01:47,345 --> 00:01:49,612
so we don't have kids.

35
00:01:49,614 --> 00:01:54,052
"Was." So, you'll be separated soon, right?

36
00:01:54,054 --> 00:01:55,487
No.

37
00:01:56,989 --> 00:01:59,790
Then what the fuck is this?

38
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You held my hand in the cab yesterday!

39
00:02:03,229 --> 00:02:05,963
That isn't the action of a
woman just looking for great sex

40
00:02:05,965 --> 00:02:10,569
behind her hubby's back, that's a
woman looking for Doctor Zhivago!

41
00:02:10,571 --> 00:02:12,138
This...

42
00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:17,175
He cheated on me, okay?

43
00:02:17,177 --> 00:02:19,177
He cheated on you?

44
00:02:19,179 --> 00:02:23,116
And I held your hand yesterday
because I like you, Stensland.

45
00:02:23,118 --> 00:02:27,353
- Aw.
- You know, I'm still... I'm still crushable.

46
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"Crushable"?

47
00:02:30,691 --> 00:02:33,359
You can't even say the
word "love," can you?

48
00:02:35,095 --> 00:02:37,429
You know, you can... You
can free the penis now.

49
00:02:37,431 --> 00:02:39,430
I mean, I've seen you
naked for the past two days.

50
00:02:39,432 --> 00:02:42,868
You've been seeing me naked
under sheets and in limited light.

51
00:02:42,870 --> 00:02:45,272
I've got very wide hips that make my unit

52
00:02:45,274 --> 00:02:47,239
look a lot smaller than it actually is.

53
00:02:47,241 --> 00:02:48,942
So it's like an optical illusion?

54
00:02:48,944 --> 00:02:51,678
Yes! I've got bitch hips. Leave it be.

55
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,713
Okay, listen. This was so much fun.

56
00:02:54,715 --> 00:02:56,582
And so, thank you.

57
00:02:56,584 --> 00:03:02,223
But this is the last time that we
will be seeing each other, okay?

58
00:03:03,492 --> 00:03:06,528
Good. I was testing you.

59
00:03:07,295 --> 00:03:09,095
Oh, phew!

60
00:03:09,097 --> 00:03:11,031
What a load off my mind.

61
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Oh, you know, my biggest fear,

62
00:03:13,836 --> 00:03:16,036
since we started hookin' up, baby,

63
00:03:16,038 --> 00:03:19,239
was that you would think this
was something more than fucking,

64
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like, God forbid, love.

65
00:03:21,443 --> 00:03:23,345
- Love, love, love.
- Listen, I...

66
00:03:23,347 --> 00:03:26,715
I didn't want to hurt
you. I'm really sorry.

67
00:03:26,717 --> 00:03:28,283
You're sorry?

68
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:32,787
As for these...

69
00:03:32,789 --> 00:03:36,525
Something tells me they're
due for a dry cleaning.

70
00:03:36,527 --> 00:03:38,160
Oh... What are you doing?

71
00:03:38,162 --> 00:03:39,894
What is wrong with you?

72
00:03:39,896 --> 00:03:41,362
Good day, madam.

73
00:03:41,364 --> 00:03:43,898
Oh. Oh, that was real mature.

74
00:03:44,568 --> 00:03:45,734
(SIGHS)

75
00:03:55,746 --> 00:03:56,747
(MUSIC PLAYING)

76
00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,883
(SOBBING)

77
00:04:03,421 --> 00:04:05,489
(STENSLAND CONTINUES SOBBING)

78
00:04:10,661 --> 00:04:11,763
What?

79
00:04:14,900 --> 00:04:16,400
"Crushable"?

80
00:04:18,338 --> 00:04:20,269
How dare she?

81
00:04:20,271 --> 00:04:21,704
COUNTER GIRL: All right, the usual.

82
00:04:21,706 --> 00:04:24,141
One pink scone, one strawberry milk.

83
00:04:24,143 --> 00:04:25,540
So $4.53.

84
00:04:25,542 --> 00:04:27,076
(STENSLAND CRYING)

85
00:04:27,078 --> 00:04:28,679
You, uh... You doing all right, Stensland?

86
00:04:31,348 --> 00:04:34,351
Could someone let me borrow 53 cents?

87
00:04:40,293 --> 00:04:42,361
(SNIFFLING)

88
00:04:52,339 --> 00:04:54,341
(SPEAKS PUNJABI)

89
00:04:55,507 --> 00:04:57,075
Sweet Christ, not now.

90
00:04:57,077 --> 00:04:59,646
Woman, I don't know what you're saying!

91
00:04:59,648 --> 00:05:01,513
No, not a single decipherable word!

92
00:05:01,515 --> 00:05:04,251
It's the same puzzling dance every day!

93
00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:06,652
Shut up!

94
00:05:13,926 --> 00:05:17,162
You're not the smartest,
you're not the coolest,

95
00:05:17,164 --> 00:05:18,564
you're not the best-looking,

96
00:05:18,566 --> 00:05:21,466
but God damn it, you are something.

97
00:05:21,468 --> 00:05:24,103
You've got something that attracts people.

98
00:05:24,105 --> 00:05:27,741
You've got something
that attracts the ladies.

99
00:05:27,743 --> 00:05:30,209
They don't know what it is,
you don't know what it is,

100
00:05:30,211 --> 00:05:35,916
but it's there, cocooned,
growing and learning.

101
00:05:35,918 --> 00:05:39,687
And one day, you'll bloom
into a big, beautiful condor

102
00:05:39,689 --> 00:05:43,322
that people will respect and fear.

103
00:05:43,324 --> 00:05:47,962
"I can't believe that used
to be Stensland," they'll say.

104
00:05:47,964 --> 00:05:51,465
"I can't believe that
used to be Stensland."

105
00:06:07,381 --> 00:06:09,482
(MUSIC PLAYING)

106
00:06:14,523 --> 00:06:16,391
Hello, old friend.

107
00:06:23,701 --> 00:06:25,300
- Go ahead.
- (DOOR OPENING)

108
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:27,103
Oh, great episode.

109
00:06:27,105 --> 00:06:29,905
LYLE: Stensland? Oh, you are here.

110
00:06:31,309 --> 00:06:32,507
Hey.

111
00:06:32,509 --> 00:06:33,673
Hey.

112
00:06:33,675 --> 00:06:35,712
Nah, I'm... I'm good.

113
00:06:35,714 --> 00:06:37,780
I thought you said you were going
to stop smoking during the day?

114
00:06:37,782 --> 00:06:40,048
Oh, look, my dead mom's back. Great.

115
00:06:40,050 --> 00:06:42,650
My God, what's the matter with you?

116
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,222
(SIGHS) Morgan dumped me, okay?

117
00:06:45,224 --> 00:06:47,522
She's married.

118
00:06:47,524 --> 00:06:49,659
Is that the older lady you
met at the furniture store?

119
00:06:49,661 --> 00:06:52,527
Don't make her sound like
Jessica Tandy. She's in her July.

120
00:06:52,529 --> 00:06:55,664
Whatever, man. At least
you got sex without strings.

121
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:57,633
I want strings.

122
00:06:57,635 --> 00:07:00,504
I want commitment and mutual adoration.

123
00:07:00,506 --> 00:07:03,105
I want to pass the bong
to someone with boobs.

124
00:07:03,107 --> 00:07:05,675
I want the danger of
forgetting anniversaries

125
00:07:05,677 --> 00:07:07,278
and the pain of holding in farts

126
00:07:07,280 --> 00:07:08,811
because someone is sharing my bed.

127
00:07:08,813 --> 00:07:12,014
- I want a girlfriend, Lyle.
- I know, I know.

128
00:07:12,016 --> 00:07:13,785
I'm sorry to change the subject,

129
00:07:13,787 --> 00:07:16,353
but you noticed the cardboard boxes, right?

130
00:07:16,355 --> 00:07:17,821
Did you drink and eBay?

131
00:07:17,823 --> 00:07:20,458
No, I started moving over to Linda's.

132
00:07:20,460 --> 00:07:22,225
Already?

133
00:07:22,227 --> 00:07:24,361
You need to find another roommate, man.

134
00:07:24,363 --> 00:07:25,596
(SNIFFS) Is this mine?

135
00:07:25,598 --> 00:07:27,597
I like you.

136
00:07:27,599 --> 00:07:31,503
I like you, too, buddy, just
not as much as Linda. I love her.

137
00:07:31,505 --> 00:07:32,904
All right, well, I'm out of here

138
00:07:32,906 --> 00:07:34,906
a week from tomorrow, next Monday.

139
00:07:34,908 --> 00:07:38,241
So find another roommate, Stens.

140
00:07:38,243 --> 00:07:39,743
God damn it.

141
00:07:41,180 --> 00:07:43,147
(SIGHS)

142
00:07:43,149 --> 00:07:45,583
JOEY: (ON TV) ...life
imitating art imitating life?

143
00:07:47,254 --> 00:07:51,624
...and maybe, you know,
it's not part of the plan.

144
00:07:51,626 --> 00:07:53,258
Then again, I never thought that

145
00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:56,061
losing you was part
of the plan, either.

146
00:07:56,063 --> 00:07:58,131
Oh...

147
00:07:58,133 --> 00:08:01,467
I think sometimes you have
to lose somebody completely

148
00:08:01,469 --> 00:08:04,203
before you can figure out
what they really mean to you.

149
00:08:04,205 --> 00:08:05,571
(SIGHS)

150
00:08:05,573 --> 00:08:09,441
Oh, D-dog, laying down the truth.

151
00:08:09,443 --> 00:08:10,975
MORGAN: (ON ANSWERING
MACHINE) Hi, it's me...

152
00:08:10,977 --> 00:08:12,678
Oh, Jesus!

153
00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,180
Morgan, would you please call me back?

154
00:08:14,182 --> 00:08:16,884
I worry I'm beginning to look desperate.

155
00:08:16,886 --> 00:08:19,219
LYLE: Phew! It smells bad in here.

156
00:08:19,221 --> 00:08:20,387
What are you doing?

157
00:08:20,389 --> 00:08:21,755
Oh...

158
00:08:21,757 --> 00:08:23,658
I'm, uh, relaxing.

159
00:08:24,393 --> 00:08:25,791
What about work?

160
00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:27,027
Oh, I'm on leave.

161
00:08:28,129 --> 00:08:29,695
You're not in the Navy.

162
00:08:29,697 --> 00:08:31,264
You work six-hour shifts
at an antique shop.

163
00:08:31,266 --> 00:08:33,098
- Why do you need a leave?
- My breakup!

164
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:35,570
For Christ's sake, man.
Was the sex that good?

165
00:08:35,572 --> 00:08:38,139
Good? It was transcendent, Lyle.

166
00:08:38,141 --> 00:08:41,442
My spiritual self is
still making an O-face.

167
00:08:41,444 --> 00:08:42,976
But I'm not mourning the sex.

168
00:08:42,978 --> 00:08:44,979
I'm mourning what we might have been.

169
00:08:44,981 --> 00:08:48,083
That tiny taste of affection
has made it very evident to me

170
00:08:48,085 --> 00:08:50,316
that something's missing from my life.

171
00:08:50,318 --> 00:08:53,622
Okay. I'm just surprised the
store gave you this much time off.

172
00:08:53,624 --> 00:08:55,757
Well...

173
00:08:55,759 --> 00:08:59,594
This is more like one of those
self-allotted time-out leaves, you know?

174
00:08:59,596 --> 00:09:01,331
What? Go to work!

175
00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,431
Stensland! I'm going to be
totally moved out tomorrow.

176
00:09:03,433 --> 00:09:04,734
You said I had till Monday.

177
00:09:04,736 --> 00:09:06,500
Tomorrow is Monday, man.

178
00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:09,171
- Tomorrow's Monday?
- Tomorrow's Monday. Come on.

179
00:09:10,540 --> 00:09:13,810
Shit. This chiba is unforgiving.

180
00:09:15,212 --> 00:09:17,045
(SHIP HORN BLOWING)

181
00:09:40,772 --> 00:09:41,971
(SIGHS)

182
00:09:44,541 --> 00:09:46,242
(EXHALES HEAVILY)

183
00:09:52,951 --> 00:09:55,019
Ah, Mr. Laframboise.

184
00:09:55,021 --> 00:09:57,756
I was just mulling a
froYo break. You want one?

185
00:09:58,758 --> 00:10:00,424
This is the last check.

186
00:10:00,426 --> 00:10:03,862
You don't showing up one
week, no call, no nothing!

187
00:10:03,864 --> 00:10:07,463
Wait a minute, are we doing a
scene from The Pawnbroker?

188
00:10:07,465 --> 00:10:10,766
Mr. Laframboise, are you back
in acting class? That's great.

189
00:10:10,768 --> 00:10:13,103
- Get out!
- Oh, okay, all right.

190
00:10:13,105 --> 00:10:15,573
You're a passionate bear,
you're upset, I get it.

191
00:10:15,575 --> 00:10:18,343
I need to work on my
communication skills, that's clear.

192
00:10:18,345 --> 00:10:20,878
But I'm pretty sure I was
already due a vacation week,

193
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,247
so can we just sit back, relax,

194
00:10:23,249 --> 00:10:24,816
I'll put on some jasmine tea, chill out...

195
00:10:24,818 --> 00:10:26,282
- PIERCE: Sir?
- What?

196
00:10:26,284 --> 00:10:28,619
I think this varnish may have turned,

197
00:10:28,621 --> 00:10:32,424
and I would hate to compromise the
honesty of that Victorian end table.

198
00:10:32,426 --> 00:10:34,060
Sorry, am I interrupting?

199
00:10:35,696 --> 00:10:37,096
Who the fuck is this?

200
00:10:37,098 --> 00:10:38,696
New Stensland.

201
00:10:38,698 --> 00:10:41,767
There's no other Stensland.
How could you say that?

202
00:10:41,769 --> 00:10:43,635
Um, my name is Pierce.

203
00:10:43,637 --> 00:10:46,806
Mr. Laframboise, your
assumption that my absence

204
00:10:46,808 --> 00:10:49,142
is barren of a logical
explanation offends me.

205
00:10:49,144 --> 00:10:51,744
- We're closer than this.
- No, we're not.

206
00:10:51,746 --> 00:10:53,779
Okay, look, here's what happened.

207
00:10:53,781 --> 00:10:57,115
I was sideswiped by a nasty
cyclone known as "woman."

208
00:10:57,117 --> 00:11:01,020
Lost aimlessly in her deceit,
and it stung like a biatch.

209
00:11:01,022 --> 00:11:04,926
So, please, just give me another chance.

210
00:11:05,694 --> 00:11:07,295
Fuck you!

211
00:11:19,540 --> 00:11:20,940
Morgan!

212
00:11:26,684 --> 00:11:28,215
Morgan!

213
00:11:28,217 --> 00:11:30,050
HANNAH: Hey! Hey, asshole! Come back here!

214
00:11:30,052 --> 00:11:32,052
- STENSLAND: Morgan!
- HANNAH: You can't go in there.

215
00:11:32,054 --> 00:11:33,355
STENSLAND: Morgan!

216
00:11:34,924 --> 00:11:36,255
Stensland.

217
00:11:36,257 --> 00:11:38,792
She remembers my name. Shocker.

218
00:11:38,794 --> 00:11:40,427
I'm calling security.

219
00:11:40,429 --> 00:11:42,029
No, no. No, it's okay.
No, it's okay. We're okay.

220
00:11:42,031 --> 00:11:43,465
You know this guy?

221
00:11:43,467 --> 00:11:45,699
Yeah, no, no. I'll handle it. It's okay.

222
00:11:45,701 --> 00:11:47,737
Moneypenny, could you order us
up some sandwiches and lemonade?

223
00:11:47,739 --> 00:11:49,137
This'll take a while.

224
00:11:49,139 --> 00:11:51,040
- No, it won't.
- STENSLAND: Yes, it will.

225
00:11:51,042 --> 00:11:52,508
Thank you, Hannah.
Thanks, honey. I got this.

226
00:11:52,510 --> 00:11:55,142
Yeah, no, no, this is, um... Stensland.

227
00:11:55,144 --> 00:11:58,713
It's not a thing at all. It's just a, um...

228
00:11:58,715 --> 00:12:00,884
- Okay.
- Thanks, honey.

229
00:12:03,254 --> 00:12:04,953
- What do you want?
- "What do you want?"

230
00:12:04,955 --> 00:12:06,688
We made love a week ago.

231
00:12:06,690 --> 00:12:09,324
I'm no dildo you wipe off
and put back in the drawer.

232
00:12:09,326 --> 00:12:11,026
Why haven't you called me back?

233
00:12:11,028 --> 00:12:13,430
Because that was it.

234
00:12:13,432 --> 00:12:15,230
It was a one-time thing.

235
00:12:15,232 --> 00:12:17,233
I don't care if you're married, Morgan.

236
00:12:17,235 --> 00:12:19,570
- I still love you. You love me, it's just...
- What?

237
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,405
What does that even mean?

238
00:12:21,407 --> 00:12:24,275
It means let's keep on keepin' on.

239
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:26,742
Let's ride this naughty little secret.

240
00:12:26,744 --> 00:12:28,176
No.

241
00:12:28,178 --> 00:12:30,747
Why? Isn't he cheating on you, too?

242
00:12:31,682 --> 00:12:32,815
I don't know.

243
00:12:32,817 --> 00:12:33,882
Oh...

244
00:12:33,884 --> 00:12:35,721
Now you don't know!

245
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:43,960
Is that him?

246
00:12:44,563 --> 00:12:46,565
MORGAN: Yes.

247
00:12:46,567 --> 00:12:48,431
STENSLAND: He has a moustache?

248
00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:49,501
MORGAN: Yes.

249
00:12:53,372 --> 00:12:56,306
I want $15,000, or I'm gonna tell him.

250
00:12:56,308 --> 00:12:57,309
Mmm?

251
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:01,780
(SCOFFS) I'm sorry.

252
00:13:01,782 --> 00:13:04,282
I'm sorry, you're... You're
gonna have to repeat that.

253
00:13:04,284 --> 00:13:06,216
What?

254
00:13:06,218 --> 00:13:09,587
I demand you pay me $15,000,

255
00:13:09,589 --> 00:13:13,191
or I'm gonna find Grady
and tell him everything.

256
00:13:14,861 --> 00:13:17,294
(LAUGHS)

257
00:13:17,296 --> 00:13:19,431
What the hell are you doing, Stens?

258
00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:22,601
"Stens," she says! Using the
abridged pet name to disarm me.

259
00:13:22,603 --> 00:13:24,437
- You're scared.
- Really?

260
00:13:24,439 --> 00:13:26,438
Grady's a criminal defense lawyer.

261
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:28,808
I doubt he will believe
that I slept with you.

262
00:13:28,810 --> 00:13:30,043
Okay?

263
00:13:30,045 --> 00:13:31,778
Oh, he'll believe me, all right.

264
00:13:31,780 --> 00:13:35,048
Why? Did you record us or something?

265
00:13:35,050 --> 00:13:37,884
No, but I have evidence of passion.

266
00:13:37,886 --> 00:13:39,651
Remember this?

267
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:43,054
"Kiss me between my
shoulder blades, Stensland."

268
00:13:43,056 --> 00:13:45,055
And remember this?

269
00:13:45,057 --> 00:13:48,494
"Rub my ass like this when you're
going down on me, Stensland."

270
00:13:48,496 --> 00:13:49,963
And what about this?

271
00:13:49,965 --> 00:13:51,631
Will this be evidence enough

272
00:13:51,633 --> 00:13:54,434
when I explain to Grady
in graphic, carnal detail

273
00:13:54,436 --> 00:13:58,104
that shaky little twitch
dance you do when you come?

274
00:13:58,106 --> 00:14:00,040
How does the chirp go?

275
00:14:00,042 --> 00:14:02,442
(IMITATES MOANING)

276
00:14:07,951 --> 00:14:10,250
You don't get it, do you?

277
00:14:10,252 --> 00:14:11,185
What?

278
00:14:11,187 --> 00:14:13,056
I already told him.

279
00:14:13,890 --> 00:14:14,988
Bullshit.

280
00:14:14,990 --> 00:14:16,956
No, I did.

281
00:14:16,958 --> 00:14:19,894
You see, I was...

282
00:14:19,896 --> 00:14:22,363
I was looking for someone
to have an affair with,

283
00:14:22,365 --> 00:14:24,565
so I could throw it in his face

284
00:14:24,567 --> 00:14:28,201
to show him that I'm not
just gonna sit here and smile

285
00:14:28,203 --> 00:14:29,772
while he tunes out our marriage

286
00:14:29,774 --> 00:14:32,074
and does God knows what
he's doing out there.

287
00:14:32,076 --> 00:14:34,542
Mm-hmm, and, uh, what did he say?

288
00:14:34,544 --> 00:14:37,781
He said a lot of stuff
that's none of your business.

289
00:14:37,783 --> 00:14:39,615
But we're gonna work it out.

290
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:43,252
- You're going to work it out?
- Yeah.

291
00:14:43,254 --> 00:14:46,687
Kid, I hate to crush your spirit here,

292
00:14:46,689 --> 00:14:49,058
but you're forcing me to.

293
00:14:50,427 --> 00:14:52,259
You're my pawn.

294
00:14:52,261 --> 00:14:56,097
You're like my little revenge marionette.

295
00:14:58,804 --> 00:15:00,370
(SCOFFS)

296
00:15:00,372 --> 00:15:03,074
You haven't told him
diddly squat, have you?

297
00:15:03,876 --> 00:15:05,274
(STENSLAND SCOFFS)

298
00:15:05,276 --> 00:15:07,009
Stensland holds all the cards.

299
00:15:07,011 --> 00:15:08,878
15 grand, sweetheart,

300
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,813
or me and Grady are going
to sit down and talk turkey.

301
00:15:11,815 --> 00:15:13,282
Good day, madam.

302
00:15:14,152 --> 00:15:15,319
Oh, look!

303
00:15:16,887 --> 00:15:21,258
Uh-oh. The little pitcher has
big ears. Yenta, yenta.

304
00:15:22,294 --> 00:15:24,229
Who the fuck is that?

305
00:15:27,334 --> 00:15:28,334
(KNOCKING)

306
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,834
- Hey.
- Are you all right?

307
00:15:31,836 --> 00:15:33,837
Yeah, no, I'm good. Um...

308
00:15:33,839 --> 00:15:36,807
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) How
much of that did you hear?

309
00:15:36,809 --> 00:15:38,007
None of it.

310
00:15:38,009 --> 00:15:39,343
Oh, okay.

311
00:15:39,945 --> 00:15:41,044
A little.

312
00:15:41,046 --> 00:15:42,179
(EXHALES)

313
00:15:42,181 --> 00:15:44,748
Okay, I heard everything.

314
00:15:44,750 --> 00:15:46,684
You slept with that guy?

315
00:15:46,686 --> 00:15:48,786
Oh, Hannah, I was in the
store, and I was depressed,

316
00:15:48,788 --> 00:15:52,290
and I was thinking about,
like, "Who the hell is Grady?"

317
00:15:52,292 --> 00:15:54,758
and, "Why the hell am I in the store?"

318
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:56,828
And then this kid comes up

319
00:15:56,830 --> 00:16:00,999
and starts flirting with me like
I'm Princess Grace or something.

320
00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,935
(SIGHS) Now I have a stalker.

321
00:16:02,937 --> 00:16:06,104
It's like, of course I sleep
with the one guy on the planet

322
00:16:06,106 --> 00:16:10,376
who's pissed off that his one-night
stand isn't just a one-night stand.

323
00:16:10,378 --> 00:16:12,912
Don't sweat it, okay?

324
00:16:12,914 --> 00:16:15,181
You already told Grady, so...

325
00:16:16,183 --> 00:16:18,517
- No.
- You haven't told Grady?

326
00:16:20,154 --> 00:16:21,989
Yeah, you're screwed.

327
00:16:27,763 --> 00:16:29,162
(SIGHS)

328
00:16:29,164 --> 00:16:32,197
Balls of wonder, balls of might...

329
00:16:32,199 --> 00:16:33,666
(PHONE BEEPING)

330
00:16:36,206 --> 00:16:38,172
SECRETARY: Law offices
of Dott and Rosen.

331
00:16:38,174 --> 00:16:40,407
Grady Dott, please.

332
00:16:40,409 --> 00:16:42,609
I'm sorry, he's out of the office.
Would you like his voicemail?

333
00:16:42,611 --> 00:16:44,345
No, no, no, patch me
through to his personal cell.

334
00:16:44,347 --> 00:16:45,812
This is an emergency.

335
00:16:45,814 --> 00:16:47,514
- Your name?
- Stensland.

336
00:16:47,516 --> 00:16:49,951
- Please hold.
- Mmm-hmm.

337
00:16:49,953 --> 00:16:52,653
Mr. Stensland, what's
this concerning?

338
00:16:52,655 --> 00:16:56,123
Uh, I fucked his wife many times?

339
00:16:56,125 --> 00:16:58,160
- Please hold.
- Uh-huh.

340
00:16:59,295 --> 00:17:01,929
Yeah, no baloney. Come on.

341
00:17:01,931 --> 00:17:03,597
GRADY: This is Grady Dott.

342
00:17:03,599 --> 00:17:06,535
Mr. Dott, my name is Stensland.

343
00:17:06,537 --> 00:17:09,304
I'm a 29-year-old, unemployed
diamond in the rough

344
00:17:09,306 --> 00:17:11,305
with no foreseeable
opportunities for financial

345
00:17:11,307 --> 00:17:13,441
or personal success until my death.

346
00:17:13,443 --> 00:17:17,144
It's my sad duty to inform you that
I met your wife, Morgan, last week

347
00:17:17,146 --> 00:17:19,114
in Soft Solutions Fine Furnishings,

348
00:17:19,116 --> 00:17:21,782
whereupon she took me back to
your home and made love to me.

349
00:17:21,784 --> 00:17:23,886
At no point over the
weekend did she inform me

350
00:17:23,888 --> 00:17:25,520
that she was maritally
or otherwise spoken for...

351
00:17:25,522 --> 00:17:27,856
- Stensland?
- Yeah?

352
00:17:27,858 --> 00:17:29,759
She told me.

353
00:17:29,761 --> 00:17:31,595
Oh.

354
00:17:31,597 --> 00:17:35,130
Now I'm going to find you,
and I'm going to kill you.

355
00:17:35,132 --> 00:17:36,665
(LINE DISCONNECTS)

356
00:17:38,735 --> 00:17:41,204
(SIRENS WAILING)

357
00:17:44,877 --> 00:17:47,579
(HELICOPTER HOVERING OVERHEAD)

358
00:17:54,819 --> 00:17:57,088
ELLA: You need to find
yourself a girl your own age.

359
00:17:57,090 --> 00:18:00,156
One who hasn't already been
fucked up by some other asshole,

360
00:18:00,158 --> 00:18:04,359
so you can fuck her up your own
damn self, your own damn way.

361
00:18:04,361 --> 00:18:07,298
Ella, Internet dating has turned you cold.

362
00:18:07,300 --> 00:18:10,031
She's right. This Morgan's a mess.

363
00:18:10,033 --> 00:18:11,770
Stay sane, stay away.

364
00:18:11,772 --> 00:18:14,038
- Spend that love on a woman who wants it.
- Amen.

365
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,473
That's right.

366
00:18:17,110 --> 00:18:18,975
Hit me with it straight, Denise.

367
00:18:18,977 --> 00:18:21,846
Coast is clear. No one's
outside your apartment, doll.

368
00:18:21,848 --> 00:18:24,580
Typical. That chump
ain't gonna fight for her.

369
00:18:24,582 --> 00:18:26,984
Ladies, let's get shit-faced.

370
00:18:26,986 --> 00:18:28,219
(LAUGHING)

371
00:18:34,929 --> 00:18:36,327
(GROANS)

372
00:18:51,712 --> 00:18:53,012
(EXCLAIMS)

373
00:18:53,014 --> 00:18:55,247
You've fucked your last wife, Stensland.

374
00:18:55,748 --> 00:18:57,382
Stensland?

375
00:18:57,384 --> 00:18:58,751
No, no, no. Sir, my name isn't Stensland.

376
00:18:58,753 --> 00:19:00,788
My name is Grady.

377
00:19:01,823 --> 00:19:02,957
Wrong.

378
00:19:02,959 --> 00:19:04,524
Oh, God!

379
00:19:04,526 --> 00:19:06,792
- (GUN CLICKS)
- (WHIMPERING) Don't! God...

380
00:19:06,794 --> 00:19:08,428
(CRYING)

381
00:19:13,102 --> 00:19:15,101
Oh, God...

382
00:19:15,103 --> 00:19:17,703
Hey, guy, the gun was
just to fuck with you.

383
00:19:17,705 --> 00:19:19,839
So you're not gonna kill me?

384
00:19:19,841 --> 00:19:22,341
No. My receptionist was listening
in when I threatened you,

385
00:19:22,343 --> 00:19:24,210
which means I'd have to kill her as well.

386
00:19:24,212 --> 00:19:26,947
And there's no way I'm
breaking in a new receptionist.

387
00:19:26,949 --> 00:19:28,914
No, sir.

388
00:19:28,916 --> 00:19:31,818
I am, however, going to kick
the ever-loving shit out of you.

389
00:19:33,288 --> 00:19:35,089
(SOBS) No, please...

390
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:38,991
Please don't kick the
ever-loving shit out of me.

391
00:19:38,993 --> 00:19:40,294
What are you doing?

392
00:19:40,296 --> 00:19:42,028
I just... I bruise so easily.

393
00:19:42,030 --> 00:19:43,663
Come on.

394
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:47,536
Huh...

395
00:19:47,538 --> 00:19:49,471
- Just don't...
- You've urinated in your shorts.

396
00:19:49,473 --> 00:19:52,741
Yes! You pointed a gun at my
face, and I already had to go.

397
00:19:52,743 --> 00:19:54,808
Jesus, Morgan!

398
00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:57,212
This is bullshit.

399
00:19:57,214 --> 00:19:58,514
She really knows how to pick 'em.

400
00:19:58,516 --> 00:20:00,114
She picked you to cheat with?

401
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:02,584
Yes. Are you still
kicking the shit out of me?

402
00:20:02,586 --> 00:20:05,488
Yes, so just sit there and shut up.

403
00:20:09,326 --> 00:20:11,562
Jesus Christ, your apartment looks like

404
00:20:11,564 --> 00:20:13,797
the cargo hold of a pirate ship.

405
00:20:13,799 --> 00:20:14,931
Thank you.

406
00:20:14,933 --> 00:20:16,431
It's not a compliment, dumbass.

407
00:20:16,433 --> 00:20:18,468
This is literally a shit hole.

408
00:20:18,470 --> 00:20:20,036
It stinks.

409
00:20:20,038 --> 00:20:21,937
What is that, beef chow
mein from last week?

410
00:20:21,939 --> 00:20:24,440
And your bong water spilled everywhere?

411
00:20:24,442 --> 00:20:26,910
And now it smells like your cowardly urine.

412
00:20:26,912 --> 00:20:28,411
It smells like man.

413
00:20:28,413 --> 00:20:31,280
Don't call yourself that in front of me.

414
00:20:32,083 --> 00:20:33,516
(SNIFFS)

415
00:20:34,787 --> 00:20:36,318
Huh.

416
00:20:36,320 --> 00:20:38,587
I'll be damned.

417
00:20:38,589 --> 00:20:40,723
I didn't realize they still made those.

418
00:20:40,725 --> 00:20:43,459
"Shanty. Irish Mulligan Stew."

419
00:20:43,461 --> 00:20:45,128
Hey, don't rag it.

420
00:20:45,130 --> 00:20:47,865
That is a hearty bouillon
at an affordable price.

421
00:20:47,867 --> 00:20:49,700
I know what it is.

422
00:20:49,702 --> 00:20:52,201
It's all I ate when I was
poor and pathetic like you.

423
00:20:52,203 --> 00:20:54,905
Well, the tradition continues.

424
00:20:59,512 --> 00:21:00,945
What happened in your shorts?

425
00:21:01,581 --> 00:21:03,781
It's a twosie.

426
00:21:03,783 --> 00:21:05,016
(CRIES)

427
00:21:05,953 --> 00:21:07,686
Mmm, mmm.

428
00:21:08,954 --> 00:21:10,588
Mmm, that was good.

429
00:21:11,725 --> 00:21:13,458
Okay, so level with me.

430
00:21:13,460 --> 00:21:16,292
Did Morgan pay you to tell me you had sex?

431
00:21:16,294 --> 00:21:20,199
STENSLAND: No. And I didn't
know she was married either.

432
00:21:20,201 --> 00:21:21,532
Yeah.

433
00:21:21,534 --> 00:21:25,203
Hey, why did you cheat on her?

434
00:21:25,205 --> 00:21:29,207
I didn't cheat on her. God...

435
00:21:29,209 --> 00:21:32,377
She picked up a scent of
perfume on one of my shirts,

436
00:21:32,379 --> 00:21:34,313
so that got her to thinking,

437
00:21:34,315 --> 00:21:36,581
and you know what happens when
vexed women start thinking.

438
00:21:36,583 --> 00:21:39,350
Civilizations fall, son.

439
00:21:39,352 --> 00:21:40,985
You can bank on that.

440
00:21:40,987 --> 00:21:43,254
So after a couple of
business trips ran long,

441
00:21:43,256 --> 00:21:47,394
the logical conclusion to her
irrational female intellect

442
00:21:47,396 --> 00:21:50,263
was that I was in fact cheating.

443
00:21:50,265 --> 00:21:51,732
Typical women.

444
00:21:51,734 --> 00:21:54,935
A brother can't even be late and tired.

445
00:21:54,937 --> 00:21:56,503
(STENSLAND GROANS)

446
00:21:56,505 --> 00:21:57,838
That's for sure.

447
00:21:57,840 --> 00:21:59,739
Oh, we give them our hearts,

448
00:21:59,741 --> 00:22:02,643
our penises, and still
they do not trust us.

449
00:22:02,645 --> 00:22:04,379
(STENSLAND VOMITING)

450
00:22:06,081 --> 00:22:07,614
That was a good one.

451
00:22:07,616 --> 00:22:09,716
The old shower vomit.

452
00:22:09,718 --> 00:22:11,752
Yeah, I miss those days.

453
00:22:11,754 --> 00:22:13,688
(STENSLAND COUGHING)

454
00:22:13,690 --> 00:22:15,555
GRADY: Yeah, I mean,
after 15 years of marriage,

455
00:22:15,557 --> 00:22:17,357
it's not so hot anymore.

456
00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:19,559
Do I get the urge to mess
around with other women?

457
00:22:19,561 --> 00:22:21,396
Of course I do.

458
00:22:21,398 --> 00:22:23,263
You can't control what goes
through this mastermind.

459
00:22:23,265 --> 00:22:25,432
No.

460
00:22:25,434 --> 00:22:28,270
That'd go against the very nature of
man, the very essence of evolution.

461
00:22:28,272 --> 00:22:31,272
When I get the desire to bang some strange,

462
00:22:31,274 --> 00:22:34,375
I just go find a quiet place, rub one out.

463
00:22:34,377 --> 00:22:36,712
Hence, desire quenched.

464
00:22:36,714 --> 00:22:38,848
Hey, you don't have to
tell me about quenches.

465
00:22:38,850 --> 00:22:41,852
I desire my quench all the fuckin' time.

466
00:22:42,686 --> 00:22:44,319
But you don't hate me?

467
00:22:44,321 --> 00:22:46,620
No, I don't hate you.

468
00:22:46,622 --> 00:22:48,524
Morgan's a beautiful woman.

469
00:22:49,558 --> 00:22:51,593
What are you gonna do?

470
00:22:51,595 --> 00:22:53,763
Ah, don't worry about me.

471
00:22:53,765 --> 00:22:55,599
Just get some rest.

472
00:23:12,450 --> 00:23:14,550
(JACKHAMMER DRILLING)

473
00:23:16,487 --> 00:23:18,086
(GROANS)

474
00:23:20,491 --> 00:23:21,959
(GROANS)

475
00:23:34,038 --> 00:23:35,672
(CLATTERING)

476
00:23:40,278 --> 00:23:41,845
What the...

477
00:23:49,155 --> 00:23:53,624
Ah, there's the ol' lush, sleeping in.

478
00:23:53,626 --> 00:23:55,661
(CHUCKLES)

479
00:23:55,663 --> 00:23:58,096
Oh, I hope you don't mind, I took
a couple of hits off the bong.

480
00:23:58,098 --> 00:24:01,765
I hadn't gotten high since The
Stones' "Bridges To Babylon" Tour.

481
00:24:01,767 --> 00:24:03,968
- Yeah.
- How do you like your eggs?

482
00:24:03,970 --> 00:24:05,102
Um...

483
00:24:05,104 --> 00:24:06,303
Scrambled?

484
00:24:06,305 --> 00:24:07,939
Scrambled it is.

485
00:24:07,941 --> 00:24:09,873
Four out of five American
men prefer scrambled.

486
00:24:09,875 --> 00:24:13,546
Over there in Europe,
they're all about the poach.

487
00:24:13,548 --> 00:24:15,816
Those guys are such pussies.

488
00:24:16,283 --> 00:24:17,682
Bacon?

489
00:24:17,684 --> 00:24:19,584
Uh, sure.

490
00:24:19,586 --> 00:24:22,055
I had bacon? And eggs?

491
00:24:22,057 --> 00:24:24,657
No. I went out and picked up a few things.

492
00:24:24,659 --> 00:24:26,692
Yeah, including some luggage.

493
00:24:26,694 --> 00:24:28,895
No, that was in the car.

494
00:24:30,263 --> 00:24:33,364
So, you left her.

495
00:24:33,366 --> 00:24:36,737
Temporarily. She'll
feel more guilt that way.

496
00:24:36,739 --> 00:24:38,739
- (PHONE RINGS)
- (CHUCKLES) Ooh! Ah...

497
00:24:38,741 --> 00:24:42,608
There she is. "Decline."

498
00:24:42,610 --> 00:24:45,979
Oh, you know what? I saw this
article on the refrigerator.

499
00:24:45,981 --> 00:24:50,015
Piqued my curiosity. "Men's
Life Crisis at Age 25."

500
00:24:50,017 --> 00:24:52,419
Yeah, that's what's wrong with me.

501
00:24:52,421 --> 00:24:55,454
There is now a life crisis
before the mid-life crisis

502
00:24:55,456 --> 00:24:59,126
that experts are calling
the "early-life crisis."

503
00:24:59,128 --> 00:25:00,627
Oh, that's clever.

504
00:25:00,629 --> 00:25:02,396
Yeah. I've been stuck in one of those.

505
00:25:02,398 --> 00:25:03,565
Yeah? For how long?

506
00:25:03,567 --> 00:25:05,199
Just over eight years.

507
00:25:05,201 --> 00:25:06,934
Close to a decade.

508
00:25:06,936 --> 00:25:09,237
I'm suffering from over-ambitious
aspirations for myself,

509
00:25:09,239 --> 00:25:12,139
so I worry about getting a better job,

510
00:25:12,141 --> 00:25:13,973
I desire a nicer place to live,

511
00:25:13,975 --> 00:25:16,810
and swankier clothes to
wear, and hotter girls.

512
00:25:16,812 --> 00:25:20,713
And I want to attain all of this
while I'm eradicating my debt.

513
00:25:20,715 --> 00:25:22,184
(CHUCKLES) It's ridiculous.

514
00:25:22,186 --> 00:25:24,685
"Should adopt more realistic ambitions

515
00:25:24,687 --> 00:25:26,754
"to feel happier and less stress."

516
00:25:26,756 --> 00:25:28,357
That's easy for them to say.

517
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,960
They have an awesome job at a magazine.

518
00:25:32,096 --> 00:25:33,229
Dickheads.

519
00:25:38,235 --> 00:25:39,567
(EXHALES)

520
00:25:39,569 --> 00:25:41,003
I'm moving in here for a while.

521
00:25:42,206 --> 00:25:43,738
- What?
- Yeah.

522
00:25:43,740 --> 00:25:47,377
Morgan's faithlessness has emboldened me

523
00:25:47,379 --> 00:25:49,913
to take a vacation from her,

524
00:25:49,915 --> 00:25:53,214
from our marriage, from my career.

525
00:25:53,216 --> 00:25:55,484
Yeah. I want to spend it here.

526
00:25:55,486 --> 00:25:58,455
You said it looked like a pirate
ship and smelled of beef noodles.

527
00:25:58,457 --> 00:26:02,159
And you said it smelled
of man, and you were right.

528
00:26:02,826 --> 00:26:04,628
I... I was?

529
00:26:04,630 --> 00:26:06,830
Yes. What the fuck am I going to do?

530
00:26:06,832 --> 00:26:09,365
I'm going to lay around a swanky hotel

531
00:26:09,367 --> 00:26:13,138
swimming pool in a fluffy robe with
a slice of cucumber in my water?

532
00:26:13,140 --> 00:26:15,639
Order caviar-topped potatoes?

533
00:26:15,641 --> 00:26:17,439
Get massages?

534
00:26:17,441 --> 00:26:19,743
I started making a little
bit of money as a lawyer

535
00:26:19,745 --> 00:26:22,678
and turned into George Hamilton.

536
00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:24,380
I don't know who that is.

537
00:26:24,382 --> 00:26:28,217
Morgan is largely responsible
for me becoming fancy.

538
00:26:28,219 --> 00:26:32,290
The flat screen had to be
moved out of the bathroom.

539
00:26:32,292 --> 00:26:35,761
Can't eat any food anywhere
near the Italian bed linens.

540
00:26:35,763 --> 00:26:39,532
She's even got me wearing pink
Polo shirts on the weekend.

541
00:26:39,534 --> 00:26:40,965
Pink is sometimes nice.

542
00:26:40,967 --> 00:26:42,802
Yeah, it's nice on birthday cakes.

543
00:26:42,804 --> 00:26:46,571
But it doesn't belong on a
rough-riding son of a bitch like me.

544
00:26:46,573 --> 00:26:48,672
Or you!

545
00:26:48,674 --> 00:26:52,776
This whole man-shed experience has
brought me back to a blissful time

546
00:26:52,778 --> 00:26:54,845
when I was emotionally unformed

547
00:26:54,847 --> 00:26:59,017
and completely devoid of a
woman's redecorating tips.

548
00:26:59,019 --> 00:27:02,255
All I did in those days
was follow my pecker around.

549
00:27:02,257 --> 00:27:05,725
I didn't give a fuck
about anybody or anything.

550
00:27:05,727 --> 00:27:07,959
Here. What I need is here.

551
00:27:07,961 --> 00:27:10,062
I can do anything.

552
00:27:10,064 --> 00:27:12,863
I can freeball on this ugly couch.

553
00:27:12,865 --> 00:27:14,433
Don't say that.

554
00:27:14,435 --> 00:27:17,602
I can eat chili fries
in that filthy shower.

555
00:27:17,604 --> 00:27:22,709
I can binge-drink without
judgment anytime I want.

556
00:27:22,711 --> 00:27:26,680
I appreciate you making
my man-shed sound poetic,

557
00:27:26,682 --> 00:27:30,084
but why don't you just
get your own private flop?

558
00:27:30,086 --> 00:27:32,018
Why do you need to share with me?

559
00:27:32,020 --> 00:27:34,455
That's the genius part.

560
00:27:34,457 --> 00:27:39,862
This is the ice cream on top of
the pie, on top of the candy bar.

561
00:27:41,029 --> 00:27:42,397
You don't see it, do you?

562
00:27:43,465 --> 00:27:44,796
I don't.

563
00:27:44,798 --> 00:27:46,868
Morgan's fucked us both over, correct?

564
00:27:48,003 --> 00:27:49,603
Very correct.

565
00:27:49,605 --> 00:27:53,307
Do you know how batshit
crazy she is gonna go

566
00:27:53,309 --> 00:27:56,011
when she finds out that
we're living together?

567
00:27:57,114 --> 00:27:58,178
Ooh.

568
00:27:58,180 --> 00:27:59,914
I'm going to pay the rent.

569
00:27:59,916 --> 00:28:01,281
I'm gonna pay for utilities,

570
00:28:01,283 --> 00:28:04,117
groceries, weed, booze, whatever.

571
00:28:05,189 --> 00:28:07,489
I'm going to pay for everything.

572
00:28:07,491 --> 00:28:09,423
(GASPS SOFTLY)

573
00:28:09,425 --> 00:28:11,427
Rent's due on the first.

574
00:28:15,331 --> 00:28:18,132
And the first variation
is to lean to one skate.

575
00:28:19,337 --> 00:28:21,702
This is a really good
stretch for your side.

576
00:28:21,704 --> 00:28:25,441
Okay, go ahead and come
up, square your shoulders.

577
00:28:25,443 --> 00:28:27,976
Try to reach for your other skate.

578
00:28:27,978 --> 00:28:29,210
(LOUD KNOCK ON DOOR)

579
00:28:29,212 --> 00:28:31,079
Shit, that's a cop knock.

580
00:28:31,081 --> 00:28:33,414
No, that's a Muumuu knock.

581
00:28:33,416 --> 00:28:35,017
(GROANS)

582
00:28:35,019 --> 00:28:37,086
Wait, this could be the weed talking,

583
00:28:37,088 --> 00:28:39,087
but there's a cow at the door?

584
00:28:39,089 --> 00:28:43,660
No, it's our indecipherable
landlord who only wears guess what?

585
00:28:43,662 --> 00:28:45,864
- (SPEAKS PUNJABI)
- Sorry about the noise last night.

586
00:28:47,031 --> 00:28:48,398
She sounds sexy.

587
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,766
Yeah, she's got charm for days.

588
00:28:50,768 --> 00:28:52,768
Lyle, my old roommate,

589
00:28:52,770 --> 00:28:55,872
he thinks she runs guns
out of the laundry room.

590
00:28:55,874 --> 00:28:57,307
(GROANS)

591
00:28:58,779 --> 00:29:02,078
- What are your plans for the rest of the day?
- Hmm...

592
00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,950
These leg lunges supersede any
plans I had for the rest of my life.

593
00:29:05,952 --> 00:29:08,050
INSTRUCTOR: (ON TV) Lean into it.

594
00:29:08,052 --> 00:29:09,988
Don't forget to breathe.

595
00:29:09,990 --> 00:29:12,390
(GRUNTS) You know where I've
always wanted to have lunch?

596
00:29:16,395 --> 00:29:18,127
GRADY: How's it going with that hangover?

597
00:29:18,129 --> 00:29:19,998
I think it's getting worse.

598
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:23,400
Well, damn it, boy, hit it
with another Engineer Beer.

599
00:29:23,402 --> 00:29:25,270
Or some of that Choo-Choo Chicken.

600
00:29:25,907 --> 00:29:27,471
Look at this.

601
00:29:27,473 --> 00:29:29,707
We had breakfast, like, an hour ago.

602
00:29:29,709 --> 00:29:32,043
Slow down. You're going to
give yourself a heart attack.

603
00:29:32,045 --> 00:29:33,912
Get used to my gluttony.

604
00:29:33,914 --> 00:29:37,015
I tend to eat a lot on vacation.

605
00:29:37,017 --> 00:29:40,351
Did... That... Did... What the fuck?

606
00:29:40,353 --> 00:29:43,755
That guy just took the last
of the Piggyback Potatoes!

607
00:29:43,757 --> 00:29:45,091
Shh.

608
00:29:45,625 --> 00:29:47,194
Shit.

609
00:29:47,196 --> 00:29:49,795
That's why I'm here.

610
00:29:49,797 --> 00:29:52,999
Oh, I am gonna have an excellent
bowel movement tomorrow.

611
00:29:53,001 --> 00:29:54,533
- Guaranteed.
- (SIGHS)

612
00:29:54,535 --> 00:29:56,936
So, what are your new aspirations

613
00:29:56,938 --> 00:29:59,938
now that the antiquities
industry has shit-canned you?

614
00:29:59,940 --> 00:30:03,708
Okay, um...

615
00:30:03,710 --> 00:30:06,311
To own my own company that
makes me a lot of money.

616
00:30:06,313 --> 00:30:08,580
What that company does,
I'm not really sure yet.

617
00:30:08,582 --> 00:30:11,552
I'd like a vintage Cadillac
with original leather interior.

618
00:30:11,554 --> 00:30:14,354
House on the water. Winter
home in the Virgin Islands.

619
00:30:14,356 --> 00:30:17,058
I'd like a wife, hot, preferably Asian...

620
00:30:17,060 --> 00:30:19,458
- I'm gonna stop you there.
- Yeah?

621
00:30:19,460 --> 00:30:22,462
I'm gonna recommend that you
adopt more realistic ambitions

622
00:30:22,464 --> 00:30:25,931
because it sounds like you're
a bit of an unrealistic dreamer.

623
00:30:25,933 --> 00:30:27,167
Guilty.

624
00:30:27,169 --> 00:30:28,400
I'm Pisces, so I view the world

625
00:30:28,402 --> 00:30:30,602
through rose-tinted spectacles.

626
00:30:30,604 --> 00:30:33,340
Oh, that stung all the
way to my brain stem.

627
00:30:33,342 --> 00:30:34,941
You gotta be kidding me.

628
00:30:34,943 --> 00:30:36,977
If you want to pick up a girl,

629
00:30:36,979 --> 00:30:39,147
you gotta infuse your vocab with
a little bit more testosterone.

630
00:30:39,149 --> 00:30:42,249
- Words like "tits" and "big tits."
- (GROANS)

631
00:30:42,251 --> 00:30:45,152
Listen, Cadillacs and beach houses,

632
00:30:45,154 --> 00:30:48,623
those are the dreams
of stupid, naive people.

633
00:30:49,593 --> 00:30:51,026
That's not you, right?

634
00:30:53,796 --> 00:30:54,894
Grady?

635
00:30:54,896 --> 00:30:56,697
Yeah.

636
00:30:56,699 --> 00:30:59,468
They put out more Piggyback Potatoes.

637
00:30:59,470 --> 00:31:00,937
What?

638
00:31:00,939 --> 00:31:02,670
When?

639
00:31:02,672 --> 00:31:04,706
(BURPS) I find it a
little strange, actually,

640
00:31:04,708 --> 00:31:07,442
that you blame "extreme muff deficiency"

641
00:31:07,444 --> 00:31:09,311
as the root of my problems,

642
00:31:09,313 --> 00:31:12,582
when the last muff I was
in belonged to your wife.

643
00:31:13,852 --> 00:31:15,351
- Thank you.
- Thanks.

644
00:31:15,353 --> 00:31:17,118
Let me ask you a question.

645
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:20,656
If a fat guy diets, exercises,

646
00:31:20,658 --> 00:31:23,325
takes vitamins two weeks out of the year,

647
00:31:23,327 --> 00:31:27,162
does that necessarily
make him a healthy person?

648
00:31:27,164 --> 00:31:28,963
I get your point.

649
00:31:28,965 --> 00:31:31,066
So how come you're not
out there closing some ass?

650
00:31:31,068 --> 00:31:35,138
How? Where? I hate going
out. I hate going to bars.

651
00:31:35,140 --> 00:31:37,105
The music's always so loud.

652
00:31:37,107 --> 00:31:38,708
I can barely hear myself speak,

653
00:31:38,710 --> 00:31:40,642
let alone the lady I'm
trying to connect with.

654
00:31:40,644 --> 00:31:42,912
So it becomes this choreographed routine

655
00:31:42,914 --> 00:31:46,017
of two people just leaning into
each other all night, saying, "What?

656
00:31:46,019 --> 00:31:48,085
"What? What? What?"

657
00:31:48,087 --> 00:31:49,585
Well, that's your problem.

658
00:31:49,587 --> 00:31:51,589
Bars are not made for talking.

659
00:31:51,591 --> 00:31:53,691
That's why the music is so loud.

660
00:31:53,693 --> 00:31:55,959
You only need to be
concerned about two questions,

661
00:31:55,961 --> 00:31:59,530
"What are you drinking?"
and, "Where are we humping?"

662
00:31:59,532 --> 00:32:01,565
(LAUGHS)

663
00:32:01,567 --> 00:32:03,902
Could you see that on a
T-shirt? I just made that up.

664
00:32:03,904 --> 00:32:07,405
Unfortunately, yes, I
can see that on a T-shirt.

665
00:32:07,407 --> 00:32:08,305
(GROANS)

666
00:32:08,307 --> 00:32:10,007
Are you okay to drive?

667
00:32:10,009 --> 00:32:11,877
No. Definitely not. Get in.

668
00:32:11,879 --> 00:32:13,578
(GROANS)

669
00:32:13,580 --> 00:32:17,849
What if you woke up
and you were 15 again?

670
00:32:17,851 --> 00:32:22,654
JOEY: The funny thing is, I
don't feel that way anymore.

671
00:32:22,656 --> 00:32:26,959
Oh... That was a delightful bubble bath.

672
00:32:26,961 --> 00:32:28,260
Whose Mr. Bubble is this?

673
00:32:28,262 --> 00:32:30,729
Who else lives here apart from you?

674
00:32:30,731 --> 00:32:33,065
I thought it might've
been your old roommate's.

675
00:32:33,067 --> 00:32:35,769
No, when people move out,
they bring their Mr. Bubble.

676
00:32:35,771 --> 00:32:37,403
That's how it works.

677
00:32:37,405 --> 00:32:39,606
Oh, well, you're out of Mr. Bubble.

678
00:32:39,608 --> 00:32:41,072
What?

679
00:32:41,074 --> 00:32:42,841
Jesus Christ, that was a new bottle.

680
00:32:42,843 --> 00:32:45,979
You're only supposed to
use a capful. A capful!

681
00:32:45,981 --> 00:32:49,550
It really smelled good, so
I just kept pouring it in.

682
00:32:50,819 --> 00:32:52,485
What are you watching?

683
00:32:52,487 --> 00:32:55,022
Ah. It's Dawson's Creek.

684
00:32:56,823 --> 00:32:58,826
(EXHALES) Is this VHS?

685
00:32:58,828 --> 00:33:02,763
Yup. I have every episode recorded
on their original air date.

686
00:33:02,765 --> 00:33:05,232
I got them on eBay from
this woman in Delaware.

687
00:33:05,234 --> 00:33:09,070
She sent them in this awesome
casket she made, too. Look.

688
00:33:10,205 --> 00:33:12,039
Seriously, what is this show about?

689
00:33:12,041 --> 00:33:13,673
It's about an ambitious young man

690
00:33:13,675 --> 00:33:15,909
named Dawson Leery and his friends

691
00:33:15,911 --> 00:33:19,646
as they learn all about love and
life in Capeside, Massachusetts.

692
00:33:19,648 --> 00:33:22,951
Romantic entanglements and
growing pains are aplenty.

693
00:33:22,953 --> 00:33:25,054
You are going to love it.

694
00:33:28,324 --> 00:33:31,859
That sounds like the worst
fucking TV show I've ever heard of.

695
00:33:31,861 --> 00:33:32,993
- No.
- Yeah.

696
00:33:32,995 --> 00:33:34,830
We're not watching this.

697
00:33:34,832 --> 00:33:38,633
Come on, find a sporting event
or something with car crashes.

698
00:33:38,635 --> 00:33:40,601
Do you bite off Morgan's head like this

699
00:33:40,603 --> 00:33:42,270
every time she wants to watch
her favorite programming?

700
00:33:42,272 --> 00:33:44,340
We don't watch television together.

701
00:33:44,909 --> 00:33:46,610
- Never?
- No.

702
00:33:47,777 --> 00:33:49,612
I always thought the best part of marriage

703
00:33:49,614 --> 00:33:51,246
would be settling in every night

704
00:33:51,248 --> 00:33:53,449
to watch television with your life partner.

705
00:33:53,451 --> 00:33:56,385
You know, making fun of
the weatherman's hair,

706
00:33:56,387 --> 00:33:59,356
shouting out answers
during Family Feud.

707
00:34:00,189 --> 00:34:01,889
Not even Top Chef?

708
00:34:01,891 --> 00:34:05,726
No, not even Top Chef,
whatever the fuck that is.

709
00:34:05,728 --> 00:34:08,497
We have jobs, and we work most nights.

710
00:34:09,299 --> 00:34:10,800
That's sad.

711
00:34:10,802 --> 00:34:12,235
What would you know about it, Stensland?

712
00:34:14,238 --> 00:34:17,874
Get me the Doritos and a tumbler of Scotch.

713
00:34:17,876 --> 00:34:20,311
- (SNAPPING FINGERS)
- Come on, come on, come on.

714
00:34:20,313 --> 00:34:22,111
We don't have tumblers.

715
00:34:22,113 --> 00:34:23,680
I'll put it in a jelly jar.

716
00:34:23,682 --> 00:34:25,280
You don't have jelly jars either.

717
00:34:25,282 --> 00:34:27,151
I threw them all out this morning.

718
00:34:27,153 --> 00:34:29,017
STENSLAND: (SIGHS) God damn it.

719
00:34:29,019 --> 00:34:31,021
(KNOCK ON DOOR)

720
00:34:31,023 --> 00:34:33,256
Hey, that's a Muumuu knock. You
want me to grab that, roomie?

721
00:34:33,258 --> 00:34:34,960
No, I'll get it.

722
00:34:34,962 --> 00:34:37,928
Sorry, we'll keep the fucking noise...

723
00:34:37,930 --> 00:34:39,897
Good, you're alive.

724
00:34:39,899 --> 00:34:41,931
What are you...

725
00:34:41,933 --> 00:34:43,935
Grady said he was coming over
here to kill you last night, so...

726
00:34:43,937 --> 00:34:45,536
You were worried about me.

727
00:34:45,538 --> 00:34:48,406
No, I was worried about
instigating a murder.

728
00:34:48,942 --> 00:34:50,875
Good night.

729
00:34:50,877 --> 00:34:54,679
GRADY: Hey, Stens! I'm very
high, and I cannot feel my feet.

730
00:34:58,485 --> 00:35:00,487
- Grady!
- Oh, shit!

731
00:35:01,621 --> 00:35:04,121
Whoa, what are you doing here, man?

732
00:35:04,123 --> 00:35:07,425
Um, you said you were going to
come here and kill him last night.

733
00:35:07,427 --> 00:35:09,093
She was worried about me.

734
00:35:09,095 --> 00:35:11,563
I was not worried about you, okay?

735
00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:14,066
What are you doing here?

736
00:35:14,068 --> 00:35:16,101
I thought you checked into
the Sorrento last night.

737
00:35:16,103 --> 00:35:19,172
Nope. Nope, I live here now, woman.

738
00:35:19,673 --> 00:35:20,773
What?

739
00:35:22,611 --> 00:35:25,846
(LAUGHS) That's a joke, right?

740
00:35:25,848 --> 00:35:27,781
No.

741
00:35:27,783 --> 00:35:29,649
Stensland and I have bonded
over the mutual hatred of you.

742
00:35:29,651 --> 00:35:31,783
Oh, well, "Hatred" is a strong word.

743
00:35:31,785 --> 00:35:33,652
GRADY: See, unlike you and your sisterhood

744
00:35:33,654 --> 00:35:35,721
of catty, hair-pulling harpies,

745
00:35:35,723 --> 00:35:38,959
men can move past their
mistakes and form a fellowship.

746
00:35:38,961 --> 00:35:41,928
A creed, if you will.
That's why we run the world.

747
00:35:41,930 --> 00:35:45,564
Oh, and what an honorable job you
frat dickheads are doing, thank you.

748
00:35:45,566 --> 00:35:47,501
Morgan, I don't hate you, per se.

749
00:35:47,503 --> 00:35:49,769
- I'm just very upset...
- GRADY: Wait a second. Wait a second.

750
00:35:49,771 --> 00:35:52,371
You said she lied to
you and broke your heart,

751
00:35:52,373 --> 00:35:53,940
and you're going to stand over there

752
00:35:53,942 --> 00:35:55,708
and kiss her ass like
you owe her something.

753
00:35:55,710 --> 00:35:58,012
- Shut up.
- Grow some balls, Stensland.

754
00:35:58,014 --> 00:35:59,114
Stop it, Grady!

755
00:35:59,116 --> 00:36:00,681
- Fucking do it!
- Fine!

756
00:36:00,683 --> 00:36:03,416
Morgan, I'm really fucking pissed at you!

757
00:36:03,418 --> 00:36:06,219
You're very pretty, but you're a liar!

758
00:36:06,221 --> 00:36:08,289
Get a load of this, sister.

759
00:36:08,291 --> 00:36:10,892
Me and this fella right here,
we're taking a long Morgan vacation,

760
00:36:10,894 --> 00:36:12,560
and if you don't like that,
then you can just head out

761
00:36:12,562 --> 00:36:15,263
and find yourself another boy toy!

762
00:36:15,265 --> 00:36:17,365
Yeah. High-five that shit.

763
00:36:18,568 --> 00:36:21,569
Oh, this is so twisted, even for you.

764
00:36:21,571 --> 00:36:23,406
- Is it?
- Okay, you know what?

765
00:36:23,408 --> 00:36:25,741
Just so you know, it's not lost on me

766
00:36:25,743 --> 00:36:28,475
how insulting this must be for you

767
00:36:28,477 --> 00:36:31,211
that I cheated on you
with this child over here.

768
00:36:31,213 --> 00:36:32,982
Don't mind me, Morgan, I'm
just standing right here.

769
00:36:32,984 --> 00:36:34,583
- Will you just shut up?
- All right.

770
00:36:34,585 --> 00:36:36,920
- Please? Just shut...
- Sorry. Yeah.

771
00:36:36,922 --> 00:36:38,654
- I'll stop talking right now.
- You talk too much.

772
00:36:38,656 --> 00:36:40,323
- Okay.
- Stop.

773
00:36:41,793 --> 00:36:44,561
What was my next move
supposed to be, Grady?

774
00:36:44,563 --> 00:36:46,193
I told you that we were losing touch,

775
00:36:46,195 --> 00:36:49,297
that I needed more from
you, and you ignored me.

776
00:36:49,299 --> 00:36:52,668
You blew off therapy, you
drifted further away from me.

777
00:36:52,670 --> 00:36:55,971
I mean, what is someone supposed
to do when they're wandering around

778
00:36:55,973 --> 00:37:00,410
in the emotional equivalent
of the Atacama Desert, huh?

779
00:37:00,412 --> 00:37:04,615
Or starving for affection like
some Brazilian street orphan?

780
00:37:08,220 --> 00:37:10,387
Is this BBC World News?

781
00:37:10,389 --> 00:37:11,787
(LAUGHING)

782
00:37:11,789 --> 00:37:13,858
Oh, Jesus, fuck you. Just fuck you.

783
00:37:15,327 --> 00:37:17,894
This is our marriage, Grady.

784
00:37:17,896 --> 00:37:20,164
We need to sit down, and
we need to talk, okay?

785
00:37:20,166 --> 00:37:21,697
But I am not doing it here.

786
00:37:21,699 --> 00:37:24,435
So please go get your stuff, and let's go.

787
00:37:25,672 --> 00:37:26,773
No.

788
00:37:29,810 --> 00:37:31,042
Sorry.

789
00:37:31,044 --> 00:37:32,775
I'm going to stay here with Stensland

790
00:37:32,777 --> 00:37:34,513
and watch an episode of
Darren's Stream.

791
00:37:34,515 --> 00:37:36,482
That'd be Dawson's Creek.

792
00:37:42,087 --> 00:37:43,521
You do that.

793
00:37:50,097 --> 00:37:53,332
Jesus. What's with her cheap shots?

794
00:37:53,334 --> 00:37:54,999
Aw, forget it.

795
00:37:55,001 --> 00:37:57,369
You told her off like a
man. Didn't that feel good?

796
00:37:57,371 --> 00:37:59,470
No, it exhausted me.

797
00:37:59,472 --> 00:38:01,204
I'm going to go to bed for a few days.

798
00:38:01,206 --> 00:38:03,209
What are you talking
about? It's not even 10:00.

799
00:38:03,211 --> 00:38:05,678
I mean, the pubs are
crawling with young bug.

800
00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:07,711
We've got to get out there,
we've got to get some.

801
00:38:07,713 --> 00:38:10,216
I've got to cash in a
"bang some strange" card.

802
00:38:10,218 --> 00:38:11,551
- No.
- Yes.

803
00:38:11,553 --> 00:38:13,386
- No.
- Oh, yes. Come on.

804
00:38:13,388 --> 00:38:14,953
Stensland says no!

805
00:38:14,955 --> 00:38:16,690
Two double Black Labels
on the rocks, please.

806
00:38:16,692 --> 00:38:18,527
- You got it.
- Thank you.

807
00:38:19,326 --> 00:38:21,094
First prospect on the board.

808
00:38:21,096 --> 00:38:24,163
Bartenders flirt for tips,
they can't be prospects.

809
00:38:24,165 --> 00:38:26,100
Oh, come on.

810
00:38:26,102 --> 00:38:28,502
Dogs beg for Milk-Bones, but
they still wanna hump your leg.

811
00:38:29,605 --> 00:38:31,504
Now then, in scouting for a prospect,

812
00:38:31,506 --> 00:38:33,105
you've got to take in the whole field.

813
00:38:33,107 --> 00:38:35,008
You know what a baseball scout is, right?

814
00:38:35,010 --> 00:38:36,675
I'm Irish, not Amish.

815
00:38:36,677 --> 00:38:39,613
Good. That's good. I knew
you'd be good at this.

816
00:38:39,615 --> 00:38:41,115
- There you go, boys.
- Thank you.

817
00:38:41,117 --> 00:38:43,720
- Keep that tab wide open.
- Giddyup.

818
00:38:44,887 --> 00:38:46,354
See?

819
00:38:47,523 --> 00:38:48,722
(SNORTS AND GASPS)

820
00:38:48,724 --> 00:38:50,425
Tonight we're muff scouts.

821
00:38:50,427 --> 00:38:52,793
I know, it lacks wit, but it's real.

822
00:38:52,795 --> 00:38:55,195
So, when we're scouting
quail, what are we looking for?

823
00:38:55,197 --> 00:38:56,530
Body, face, what else?

824
00:38:56,532 --> 00:38:58,968
Intelligence, sense of self, fashion.

825
00:38:58,970 --> 00:39:00,868
No! That's the pink part of your brain

826
00:39:00,870 --> 00:39:02,738
that allows you to enjoy
Dawson's Creek.

827
00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:05,006
The end game is to get 'em nude,

828
00:39:05,008 --> 00:39:08,142
sans fashion,
so it's never a factor.

829
00:39:08,144 --> 00:39:11,513
But what is a factor is personality.

830
00:39:11,515 --> 00:39:14,147
And it's as easy to spot as a panty line.

831
00:39:14,149 --> 00:39:17,018
Are they laughing? Are they smiling?

832
00:39:17,020 --> 00:39:18,754
Are they giving off any indication

833
00:39:18,756 --> 00:39:20,455
that they're having a good time,

834
00:39:20,457 --> 00:39:24,793
or that they're eager to
have a good time with you?

835
00:39:24,795 --> 00:39:28,295
Many of them are going to be
wearing this precious little smile

836
00:39:28,297 --> 00:39:34,637
that says, "Hey, please,
please come talk to me."

837
00:39:34,639 --> 00:39:37,639
I know that little smile.

838
00:39:37,641 --> 00:39:40,510
GRADY: Of course you
do, you fuckin' animal.

839
00:39:40,512 --> 00:39:42,677
That's why they're drinking here

840
00:39:42,679 --> 00:39:47,017
and not at home alone
with their kitty cats.

841
00:39:47,019 --> 00:39:50,386
Now then, survey the showroom,

842
00:39:50,388 --> 00:39:55,225
pick out a model, take her for a sex drive.

843
00:39:55,227 --> 00:39:57,026
And for the sake of Christ,

844
00:39:57,028 --> 00:39:59,429
keep drinking the rocket sauce.

845
00:40:01,267 --> 00:40:02,866
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

846
00:40:02,868 --> 00:40:04,734
- ♪ All we wanna know is
- ♪ Papalock

847
00:40:04,736 --> 00:40:06,671
- ♪ All we wanna see is
- ♪ Papalock

848
00:40:06,673 --> 00:40:08,470
- ♪ All we wanna hear is
- ♪ Papalock

849
00:40:08,472 --> 00:40:10,675
- ♪ We really wanna get some
- ♪ Papalock

850
00:40:10,677 --> 00:40:12,442
- ♪ All we wanna know is
- ♪ Papalock

851
00:40:12,444 --> 00:40:14,411
- ♪ All we wanna see is
- ♪ Papalock

852
00:40:14,413 --> 00:40:16,380
- ♪ All we wanna hear is
- ♪ Papalock

853
00:40:16,382 --> 00:40:18,181
- ♪ We really wanna get some
- ♪ Papalock

854
00:40:18,183 --> 00:40:20,650
♪ If I had my way, I'd rather play

855
00:40:20,652 --> 00:40:22,387
♪ Every day would be Saturday

856
00:40:22,389 --> 00:40:24,523
♪ The mice gonna play
when the cat's away

857
00:40:24,525 --> 00:40:26,724
♪ Oh, looking hot, yeah

858
00:40:26,726 --> 00:40:28,559
♪ When the mic is on...

859
00:40:28,561 --> 00:40:30,594
♪ I got the tightest game
I got the tightest song

860
00:40:30,596 --> 00:40:32,429
♪ Right or wrong, you're
gonna hear them all ♪

861
00:40:32,431 --> 00:40:34,832
- Hey!
- Hey.

862
00:40:34,834 --> 00:40:36,736
What kind of drink is that?

863
00:40:36,738 --> 00:40:38,638
It's a Harlem Mugger.

864
00:40:39,539 --> 00:40:40,640
What?

865
00:40:40,642 --> 00:40:42,506
A Harlem Mugger!

866
00:40:42,508 --> 00:40:45,977
Oh! What's in it? Racism?

867
00:40:45,979 --> 00:40:50,716
(GIGGLES) No, no, it's got vodka,
gin, white rum, tequila, champagne,

868
00:40:50,718 --> 00:40:52,452
and a little cranberry juice.

869
00:40:52,454 --> 00:40:53,819
Always gets me shitfaced.

870
00:40:53,821 --> 00:40:55,854
Oh, my God. (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)

871
00:40:55,856 --> 00:40:57,657
What's a lovely girl like you doing

872
00:40:57,659 --> 00:40:59,458
with a horrible drink like that?

873
00:40:59,460 --> 00:41:01,161
Are you a bootlegger?

874
00:41:01,163 --> 00:41:03,197
No, no.

875
00:41:03,199 --> 00:41:05,732
I ordered it because it smells
just like this anti-fungal shampoo

876
00:41:05,734 --> 00:41:07,701
I used to wash my pony with.

877
00:41:07,703 --> 00:41:08,902
Oh, is that right?

878
00:41:08,904 --> 00:41:10,938
Yeah, Gingerbelle.

879
00:41:10,940 --> 00:41:13,840
I couldn't decide between the
names Gingerbread and Clarabelle,

880
00:41:13,842 --> 00:41:15,541
so I combined them. Gingerbelle!

881
00:41:15,543 --> 00:41:18,244
- That's interesting.
- (LAUGHS) I loved her so much.

882
00:41:18,246 --> 00:41:22,216
Aw, Gingerbelle had this fungal
skin infection called "rain rot"

883
00:41:22,218 --> 00:41:25,452
and on warm nights, I used to
snuggle up with her in the barn,

884
00:41:25,454 --> 00:41:28,689
and then the bacteria from
her infection spread onto me.

885
00:41:28,691 --> 00:41:30,457
I still can't grow hair

886
00:41:30,459 --> 00:41:31,492
in my left armpit or half
my pubic region, but...

887
00:41:31,494 --> 00:41:33,059
Bye.

888
00:41:34,930 --> 00:41:36,398
Bye!

889
00:41:36,400 --> 00:41:39,767
So the guy goes, "Hey, who
put the baby in the dryer?"

890
00:41:39,769 --> 00:41:41,234
WOMAN: Excuse me, miss?

891
00:41:41,236 --> 00:41:43,537
BARTENDER: Oh, man. Be right back.

892
00:41:43,539 --> 00:41:45,006
What are you doing here?

893
00:41:45,008 --> 00:41:46,875
Ugh, it's not gonna happen.

894
00:41:46,877 --> 00:41:49,610
I got talking to a girl,
but she was into animals.

895
00:41:49,612 --> 00:41:51,114
Really?

896
00:41:51,116 --> 00:41:52,080
Not like that.

897
00:41:52,082 --> 00:41:54,350
Before I even got her name,

898
00:41:54,352 --> 00:41:56,551
she tells me about this pony she
caught a bacterial infection from.

899
00:41:56,553 --> 00:41:58,821
Yeah, that's rain rot.

900
00:41:58,823 --> 00:42:00,154
How do you know that?

901
00:42:00,156 --> 00:42:01,790
I was in 4-H when I was a kid.

902
00:42:01,792 --> 00:42:03,891
Look, it's nothing. It just makes you shed.

903
00:42:03,893 --> 00:42:05,792
It's no big deal.

904
00:42:05,794 --> 00:42:08,362
Go back out there and just
casually bring up your penis.

905
00:42:08,364 --> 00:42:10,265
This is pathetic.

906
00:42:10,267 --> 00:42:12,168
You do realize there's not a lady here

907
00:42:12,170 --> 00:42:14,003
who can hold a candle to your wife, right?

908
00:42:14,005 --> 00:42:17,875
Stensland! Don't bring her up again.

909
00:42:19,275 --> 00:42:20,876
Get away from me.

910
00:42:27,186 --> 00:42:29,084
- Everything okay here?
- Yeah.

911
00:42:29,086 --> 00:42:31,419
Can I get another double, please?

912
00:42:31,421 --> 00:42:35,458
Oh. And a shot of tequila.

913
00:42:35,460 --> 00:42:39,328
The shittiest, cheapest
tequila that you have.

914
00:42:39,330 --> 00:42:41,564
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

915
00:42:41,566 --> 00:42:43,133
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

916
00:42:56,316 --> 00:42:57,750
Hi.

917
00:43:00,054 --> 00:43:01,621
Hi.

918
00:43:02,956 --> 00:43:06,224
Can you get the fuck up
and off my $700 jacket?

919
00:43:06,626 --> 00:43:07,927
Oh.

920
00:43:08,728 --> 00:43:10,161
I'm sorry.

921
00:43:11,597 --> 00:43:13,463
- Just give it!
- Sorry.

922
00:43:13,465 --> 00:43:15,798
Just watch where the fuck
you sit next time, dick face.

923
00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:17,834
"Dick face"? Jesus Christ.

924
00:43:17,836 --> 00:43:21,808
Why don't you tell your whore to
watch where she drops her shit?

925
00:43:21,810 --> 00:43:23,475
(GASPS)

926
00:43:23,477 --> 00:43:24,910
Oh.

927
00:43:24,912 --> 00:43:26,979
No, I didn't say that, he said that.

928
00:43:26,981 --> 00:43:29,114
- No. No, I didn't.
- What?

929
00:43:29,116 --> 00:43:31,417
Listen, drink this, 'cause you're
gonna need it in about five minutes.

930
00:43:31,419 --> 00:43:33,285
Who'd you call a whore, motherfucker?

931
00:43:33,287 --> 00:43:35,721
I believe he's referring to her,

932
00:43:35,723 --> 00:43:38,223
and, uh, he also bet me a fish taco

933
00:43:38,225 --> 00:43:40,359
that he'd have her blowing him

934
00:43:40,361 --> 00:43:42,028
- in the men's room by last call.
- What the fuck are you doing?

935
00:43:42,030 --> 00:43:43,763
That is confidence.

936
00:43:43,765 --> 00:43:45,931
- Oh, fuck! Okay.
- Outside, right now.

937
00:43:45,933 --> 00:43:47,666
- Bitch.
- "Bitch"?

938
00:43:47,668 --> 00:43:50,235
- Bitch.
- "Bitch"? Jesus.

939
00:43:50,237 --> 00:43:52,105
Don't ever bring up a man's wife

940
00:43:52,107 --> 00:43:54,173
when you're on bush patrol with him, okay?

941
00:43:54,175 --> 00:43:55,742
You couldn't deal with a pony snuggler,

942
00:43:55,744 --> 00:43:56,943
and you dragged me down with you,

943
00:43:56,945 --> 00:43:58,744
and that has consequences.

944
00:43:58,746 --> 00:44:01,114
Consequences that apparently
mean my death, asshole!

945
00:44:01,116 --> 00:44:03,516
- Thanks a bunch!
- You're welcome.

946
00:44:03,518 --> 00:44:04,751
God damn it!

947
00:44:04,753 --> 00:44:06,786
Let's do this, pussy!

948
00:44:06,788 --> 00:44:08,355
I can't believe you did this.
He's gonna put me in the hospital.

949
00:44:08,357 --> 00:44:10,024
You know what, you pissed me off,

950
00:44:10,026 --> 00:44:11,792
but now I feel a little shitty about it

951
00:44:11,794 --> 00:44:12,959
because that fucking guy's huge.

952
00:44:12,961 --> 00:44:14,995
He's a giant.

953
00:44:14,997 --> 00:44:16,865
Do you know what? Aside from all
that, you need this, Stensland.

954
00:44:16,867 --> 00:44:18,298
- Oh, I need this?
- Yes.

955
00:44:18,300 --> 00:44:20,667
Violence is good for a guy.

956
00:44:20,669 --> 00:44:22,970
It'll cure you of the desire to watch
Dawson's Creek every day. Right?

957
00:44:22,972 --> 00:44:24,437
(ALL LAUGHING)

958
00:44:24,439 --> 00:44:25,906
Hey, it's an award-winner! Best Drama,

959
00:44:25,908 --> 00:44:27,874
Teen Choice Awards! Twice!

960
00:44:27,876 --> 00:44:29,510
Use that anger.

961
00:44:29,512 --> 00:44:31,011
You've been bullied your
whole life, Stensland.

962
00:44:31,013 --> 00:44:33,115
Do something about it.

963
00:44:33,117 --> 00:44:35,616
Put every prick's face that you
ever dealt with on that prick's face.

964
00:44:35,618 --> 00:44:37,886
- You just shut up and leave me alone.
- Good.

965
00:44:37,888 --> 00:44:39,987
MAN: Let do this, punk!

966
00:44:39,989 --> 00:44:41,588
- Fuck!
- Nice shot.

967
00:44:41,590 --> 00:44:43,991
All right. Proceed.

968
00:44:45,130 --> 00:44:47,163
This will all end very soon.

969
00:44:47,165 --> 00:44:49,063
GRADY: Come on, Stens.

970
00:44:49,065 --> 00:44:51,766
Hey, freshman dork.
Look at those bitch hips!

971
00:44:51,768 --> 00:44:53,768
Make good handles for your boyfriend, huh?

972
00:44:53,770 --> 00:44:55,203
- (GRUNTS)
- CROWD: Oh!

973
00:44:55,205 --> 00:44:57,038
GRADY: Keep 'em up. Get 'em up.

974
00:44:57,040 --> 00:44:59,374
You either get giddy about
the antique furniture,

975
00:44:59,376 --> 00:45:01,510
or get giddy in the unemployment line.

976
00:45:01,512 --> 00:45:04,513
- (GRUNTS)
- GRADY: Come on, Stensy.

977
00:45:04,515 --> 00:45:06,749
MORGAN: You're a child, Stensland.

978
00:45:06,751 --> 00:45:08,151
A mistake.

979
00:45:08,153 --> 00:45:10,754
I could never be your girlfriend.

980
00:45:10,756 --> 00:45:12,924
- (GRUNTS)
- (CROWD LAUGHS)

981
00:45:15,660 --> 00:45:16,992
- (YELLS)
- (CROWD GASPS)

982
00:45:16,994 --> 00:45:18,193
(GASPING)

983
00:45:19,764 --> 00:45:21,431
- Keep fighting!
- I did it! (LAUGHS)

984
00:45:25,004 --> 00:45:26,806
GRADY: Stensy?

985
00:45:29,174 --> 00:45:30,942
MORGAN: Stensland!

986
00:45:33,245 --> 00:45:34,478
Mmm...

987
00:45:35,480 --> 00:45:37,180
Hello, dolly.

988
00:45:38,417 --> 00:45:40,951
Why do I have Wilford Brimley's mustache?

989
00:45:40,953 --> 00:45:43,187
Stensland, you punched me in the face.

990
00:45:43,189 --> 00:45:46,492
You felt that? I thought
it was only pretend.

991
00:45:46,494 --> 00:45:48,059
(YODELING)

992
00:45:51,764 --> 00:45:53,365
Whoa.

993
00:45:53,367 --> 00:45:55,434
What's your assistant
doing in the Swiss Alps?

994
00:45:55,436 --> 00:45:57,535
Care for a schmoke, Stensland?

995
00:45:57,537 --> 00:46:01,006
Man, she's wearing the shit
out of those Hosen.

996
00:46:01,008 --> 00:46:03,207
HANNAH: Come, Stensland.
Ja, is good.

997
00:46:03,209 --> 00:46:05,642
Schmoke-ity,
schmoke-ity, schmoke-ity.

998
00:46:05,644 --> 00:46:08,178
- Hmm.
- Ja, is good.

999
00:46:08,180 --> 00:46:10,449
(BREATHS DEEPLY)

1000
00:46:10,451 --> 00:46:12,518
(GROANS)

1001
00:46:12,520 --> 00:46:14,522
I wanted a schmoke.

1002
00:46:15,656 --> 00:46:17,323
(CRIES)

1003
00:46:34,208 --> 00:46:37,411
Grady, you piece of shit.

1004
00:46:39,615 --> 00:46:42,449
And for some reason, she had two goats.

1005
00:46:44,954 --> 00:46:47,052
You're drooling jam.

1006
00:46:47,054 --> 00:46:49,922
(CLEARS THROAT) Okay. Okay.

1007
00:46:51,594 --> 00:46:53,860
So, we lived together for three years,

1008
00:46:53,862 --> 00:46:56,496
and by far the most scandalous
thing I ever saw you do was

1009
00:46:56,498 --> 00:46:58,799
roll the dice on some expired pudding cups

1010
00:46:58,801 --> 00:47:00,602
you found in the back of the fridge.

1011
00:47:00,604 --> 00:47:02,638
- A gamble I lost, if you remember.
- I do.

1012
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:05,040
Yet, in the 48 hours since I moved out,

1013
00:47:05,042 --> 00:47:06,973
you blackmailed your mistress,

1014
00:47:06,975 --> 00:47:08,477
you had a gun stuck in your face,

1015
00:47:08,479 --> 00:47:10,511
you let your mistress's husband move in,

1016
00:47:10,513 --> 00:47:13,413
and you fist-fought a man
twice your size in an alley?

1017
00:47:13,415 --> 00:47:15,181
Yes.

1018
00:47:15,183 --> 00:47:17,584
Why didn't you unleash any of
this radness when I was there?

1019
00:47:17,586 --> 00:47:19,555
None of this is radness, Lyle.

1020
00:47:19,557 --> 00:47:21,791
I need this guy out of my place.

1021
00:47:21,793 --> 00:47:23,992
No, it's all radness, man.
Adventure is erupting all around you.

1022
00:47:23,994 --> 00:47:27,396
- And I'm hating it.
- No. No, you don't realize you're loving it.

1023
00:47:27,398 --> 00:47:29,230
Soldiers go to war, and they hate it,

1024
00:47:29,232 --> 00:47:30,965
yet it's all they talk
about when they get back.

1025
00:47:30,967 --> 00:47:32,802
I'm a prematurely old man who wants

1026
00:47:32,804 --> 00:47:34,903
nothing more than a
comfortable place to sit

1027
00:47:34,905 --> 00:47:37,173
and a diet root beer to
enjoy the silence with.

1028
00:47:37,175 --> 00:47:39,039
I can't deal with all this.

1029
00:47:39,041 --> 00:47:42,043
You remember Final Destination
and its subsequent sequels?

1030
00:47:42,045 --> 00:47:43,711
The teenagers cheated Death,

1031
00:47:43,713 --> 00:47:45,281
and then Death came after
them to finish the job?

1032
00:47:45,283 --> 00:47:46,749
- Great movie.
- Yeah.

1033
00:47:46,751 --> 00:47:49,086
I think you cheated Youth in your 20s

1034
00:47:49,088 --> 00:47:53,256
by denying yourself sex, and
reckless behavior, and Fun in general.

1035
00:47:53,258 --> 00:47:55,057
Now Fun's come back to claim your soul,

1036
00:47:55,059 --> 00:47:58,160
and it's come in the form
of a middle-aged pervert.

1037
00:47:58,162 --> 00:48:00,129
What if I outwit Fun?

1038
00:48:00,131 --> 00:48:03,566
Perform the old switcheroo to
defend my geriatric way of life.

1039
00:48:03,568 --> 00:48:05,535
No, no, you can't outwit Fun, man.

1040
00:48:05,537 --> 00:48:07,504
Especially when you're broke,
and Fun's paying the rent.

1041
00:48:10,909 --> 00:48:12,543
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.

1042
00:48:14,980 --> 00:48:16,380
Shit!

1043
00:48:21,455 --> 00:48:22,487
Hannah!

1044
00:48:23,989 --> 00:48:26,322
What are you doing down
there? Did you find a penny?

1045
00:48:26,324 --> 00:48:28,891
No. I'm hiding from an annoying asshole.

1046
00:48:28,893 --> 00:48:30,594
Oh.

1047
00:48:30,596 --> 00:48:33,298
Listen, I just want to
apologize for the other day.

1048
00:48:33,300 --> 00:48:35,501
I had my panties in a pretty tight bunch.

1049
00:48:35,503 --> 00:48:39,037
I brought another apology
in the form of a warm scone.

1050
00:48:39,039 --> 00:48:40,604
A scone?

1051
00:48:40,606 --> 00:48:42,642
Yeah, it's from the German
term "Schonbrot."

1052
00:48:42,644 --> 00:48:44,542
Speaking of the old country,

1053
00:48:44,544 --> 00:48:46,477
do you happen to have any Germanic breeding

1054
00:48:46,479 --> 00:48:48,912
or own a pair of exotic
Lederhosen, by chance?

1055
00:48:48,914 --> 00:48:50,381
Nice eye shadow.

1056
00:48:50,383 --> 00:48:51,883
Oh, yeah, this is just a shiner

1057
00:48:51,885 --> 00:48:54,184
from a drunken duke-out I had last night.

1058
00:48:54,186 --> 00:48:55,586
- You did?
- Yeah.

1059
00:48:55,588 --> 00:48:58,525
Wow. You know, that's really sexy.

1060
00:48:58,527 --> 00:49:00,326
Really?

1061
00:49:00,328 --> 00:49:02,328
It's the weirdest thing. I'm
seeing you in this whole new light.

1062
00:49:02,330 --> 00:49:05,297
Well, you should see
the other guy. He's fine.

1063
00:49:05,299 --> 00:49:07,366
I kind of want you.

1064
00:49:07,368 --> 00:49:09,435
- Really?
- No. Go away.

1065
00:49:09,437 --> 00:49:10,569
Oh.

1066
00:49:10,571 --> 00:49:12,471
Listen...

1067
00:49:12,473 --> 00:49:14,605
I'm coming up to see Morgan.

1068
00:49:14,607 --> 00:49:16,808
Can't you just leave her alone?

1069
00:49:16,810 --> 00:49:19,212
She had me out drinking until
2:00 in the morning last night,

1070
00:49:19,214 --> 00:49:21,148
ranting and raving over the sick mind game

1071
00:49:21,150 --> 00:49:22,716
that you and Grady are playing.

1072
00:49:22,718 --> 00:49:25,519
You two jackoffs are
fucking up my shit now.

1073
00:49:26,655 --> 00:49:29,090
Have you tried smoking pot to cool down?

1074
00:49:29,092 --> 00:49:32,057
It helps me unwind when I'm
stressed out, like you are now.

1075
00:49:32,059 --> 00:49:35,764
Plus, it really increases
my orgasm when I masturbate.

1076
00:49:35,766 --> 00:49:38,231
- ALL: Oh.
- Oh, my God.

1077
00:49:38,233 --> 00:49:39,499
You remind me...

1078
00:49:39,501 --> 00:49:40,934
Of a girlish Tilda Swinton?

1079
00:49:40,936 --> 00:49:42,503
I get that all the time.

1080
00:49:42,505 --> 00:49:44,671
No, of a rash I picked up in South America.

1081
00:49:44,673 --> 00:49:46,942
Headache, nausea, made my skin crawl.

1082
00:49:46,944 --> 00:49:49,911
Sounds like the symptoms of
lovesickness. Maybe I'm growing on you.

1083
00:49:49,913 --> 00:49:51,745
(LAUGHS)

1084
00:49:51,747 --> 00:49:53,681
You couldn't grow on me with all
the seeds and soil in the world.

1085
00:49:53,683 --> 00:49:55,149
Eh. Could you tell Morgan I'm here?

1086
00:49:55,151 --> 00:49:56,585
She's in a meeting.

1087
00:49:56,587 --> 00:49:59,488
Please. We need to talk about Grady.

1088
00:50:01,189 --> 00:50:04,225
Thanks for staying late, guys.
I'll see you tomorrow, okay?

1089
00:50:06,163 --> 00:50:07,763
Hello.

1090
00:50:07,765 --> 00:50:10,700
(SNIFFS) Ooh. Caramel
macchiato. Excellent choice.

1091
00:50:10,702 --> 00:50:12,668
Do you want me in on this?

1092
00:50:12,670 --> 00:50:14,604
Actually, yes. I do want the
restraint of a witness present.

1093
00:50:14,606 --> 00:50:17,005
Hmm, I'd prefer a private sitdown,

1094
00:50:17,007 --> 00:50:19,307
so if you don't mind, Hannah.

1095
00:50:22,713 --> 00:50:24,347
Is he really living with you?

1096
00:50:24,349 --> 00:50:26,782
Yes, he even went grocery shopping.

1097
00:50:26,784 --> 00:50:28,017
(SCOFFS)

1098
00:50:28,019 --> 00:50:29,784
He's fucking unbelievable.

1099
00:50:29,786 --> 00:50:32,021
- You want to know what else he's doing?
- No. What?

1100
00:50:32,023 --> 00:50:35,024
Hitting on strange girls,
trying to have sex with them.

1101
00:50:35,026 --> 00:50:36,960
Gross, charmless creatures,

1102
00:50:36,962 --> 00:50:39,663
not even in your evolutionary
strain, let alone your league.

1103
00:50:39,665 --> 00:50:41,330
- No, he isn't.
- Yes, he is!

1104
00:50:41,332 --> 00:50:42,799
Okay, relax.

1105
00:50:42,801 --> 00:50:44,868
We went out last night "muff scouting."

1106
00:50:44,870 --> 00:50:47,569
- His despicable words, not mine.
- Okay, enough.

1107
00:50:47,571 --> 00:50:50,140
Do you really want to stay with this man?

1108
00:50:50,142 --> 00:50:51,741
A man who'd use your infidelity

1109
00:50:51,743 --> 00:50:53,576
- as nothing more than a...
- Okay, will you stop?

1110
00:50:53,578 --> 00:50:55,178
..."wham, bam, ram another
ma'am for free" card?

1111
00:50:55,180 --> 00:50:56,613
Okay, yeah, enough. Out. Out, go.

1112
00:50:56,615 --> 00:50:58,449
Step inside my new kind of love!

1113
00:50:58,451 --> 00:51:00,918
Go! Go home to your boyfriend.

1114
00:51:00,920 --> 00:51:02,987
You need weed very badly.

1115
00:51:02,989 --> 00:51:04,253
Auf Wiedersehen, loser!

1116
00:51:04,255 --> 00:51:07,025
German? I knew it.

1117
00:51:07,027 --> 00:51:08,960
(SIGHS AND CHUCKLES)

1118
00:51:08,962 --> 00:51:11,161
- Where are you going?
- I'm going to see Grady.

1119
00:51:11,163 --> 00:51:13,465
I mean, I screwed this up,
but it's his fault, too.

1120
00:51:13,467 --> 00:51:14,766
No, Morgan...

1121
00:51:14,768 --> 00:51:16,400
He can't act like this, okay?

1122
00:51:16,402 --> 00:51:17,869
He should be fighting for me, for us.

1123
00:51:17,871 --> 00:51:19,804
You would just be wasting your breath.

1124
00:51:19,806 --> 00:51:22,640
He is a brain-damaged ape. They all are.

1125
00:51:22,642 --> 00:51:26,145
As soon as they get a head full of
steam, they're impossible to control.

1126
00:51:26,147 --> 00:51:28,346
So, just let him beat
his chest, wag his dick,

1127
00:51:28,348 --> 00:51:32,384
whatever else he needs to do
to start thinking clearly again.

1128
00:51:32,386 --> 00:51:35,787
He will come crawling back, I promise.

1129
00:51:35,789 --> 00:51:38,991
Now, come on. Worry about you.

1130
00:51:38,993 --> 00:51:40,593
Worry about this pitch.

1131
00:51:41,229 --> 00:51:43,095
(SIGHS)

1132
00:51:43,097 --> 00:51:46,934
- I don't pay you enough, do I?
- No, you don't.

1133
00:51:46,936 --> 00:51:48,602
Let's remember that.

1134
00:51:49,469 --> 00:51:52,238
(SPEAKS PUNJABI)

1135
00:52:01,849 --> 00:52:05,052
There he is. You ready for
round two there, slugger?

1136
00:52:05,054 --> 00:52:07,453
It's ladies' night at
a whiskey bar downtown.

1137
00:52:07,455 --> 00:52:10,923
No, no. My head is still
throbbing from last night.

1138
00:52:10,925 --> 00:52:14,595
That's evidence of an excellent
two-fisted outing. Congrats.

1139
00:52:14,597 --> 00:52:17,031
No, I was hoping we could stay in,

1140
00:52:17,033 --> 00:52:20,368
you know, put some ice cubes in the
bong shaft for a nice cool smoke,

1141
00:52:20,370 --> 00:52:23,870
order some Thai, maybe hit up
some Easy Listening on Pandora.

1142
00:52:23,872 --> 00:52:25,472
Come on, buddy, that sounds like

1143
00:52:25,474 --> 00:52:26,774
a fuckin' baby shower in Portland.

1144
00:52:26,776 --> 00:52:28,975
We're not gonna get laid like that.

1145
00:52:28,977 --> 00:52:30,977
Let's get a little pre-party buzz
going before the Uber arrives.

1146
00:52:30,979 --> 00:52:32,980
Listen, I know you're on
vacation and everything,

1147
00:52:32,982 --> 00:52:35,148
but just because I agreed to room with you

1148
00:52:35,150 --> 00:52:38,052
doesn't mean that I also agreed
to a nightly Rat Pack tribute.

1149
00:52:38,054 --> 00:52:40,188
I'm staying in tonight.

1150
00:52:40,190 --> 00:52:41,656
You're gonna do what I say,

1151
00:52:41,658 --> 00:52:43,491
and that is that we're going out.

1152
00:52:43,493 --> 00:52:45,060
You're not the boss of me.

1153
00:52:45,062 --> 00:52:47,429
"stopbullying.gov." Visit it.

1154
00:52:47,431 --> 00:52:48,964
You know what I've got in here?

1155
00:52:48,966 --> 00:52:50,498
The private number of every police chief

1156
00:52:50,500 --> 00:52:51,933
and circuit judge in the county.

1157
00:52:51,935 --> 00:52:53,369
Big whoop.

1158
00:52:53,371 --> 00:52:55,168
How do you think those people would feel

1159
00:52:55,170 --> 00:52:58,573
about your attempt to
blackmail my wife for $15,000?

1160
00:52:59,744 --> 00:53:02,044
Yeah, that's not good for you.

1161
00:53:02,046 --> 00:53:04,178
Here's what's gonna happen.
You're gonna get dressed.

1162
00:53:04,180 --> 00:53:08,950
No hoodies, no sneakers, no
disturbingly tight shorts.

1163
00:53:08,952 --> 00:53:11,787
I want my wingman to look like a real man.

1164
00:53:12,789 --> 00:53:13,889
(GRUNTING)

1165
00:53:17,695 --> 00:53:22,766
So I make the mistake
of dressing as sexy Gumby

1166
00:53:22,768 --> 00:53:26,268
to my Halloween office party,

1167
00:53:26,270 --> 00:53:28,504
and I'm hiding in this room

1168
00:53:28,506 --> 00:53:33,977
because my drunk, douchey boss is
always wanting to fuck me and stuff.

1169
00:53:35,080 --> 00:53:38,982
So Grady finds me all
upset in the Xerox room,

1170
00:53:38,984 --> 00:53:43,085
and he just gives me
this pep talk, you know?

1171
00:53:43,087 --> 00:53:47,925
Like, about quitting my job,
and about opening my own firm,

1172
00:53:47,927 --> 00:53:52,430
and just fucking getting
life by the balls, you know?

1173
00:53:52,432 --> 00:53:56,934
So, five minutes later, my
fucker boss gooses my ass,

1174
00:53:57,936 --> 00:54:00,939
so I pick up this bowl of hummus,

1175
00:54:00,941 --> 00:54:04,675
and I just smash it over
the fucker's head. Seriously.

1176
00:54:04,677 --> 00:54:07,579
Grady was so great at the police station.

1177
00:54:07,581 --> 00:54:11,415
I mean, he stood by my side, he got me off,

1178
00:54:11,417 --> 00:54:15,288
and then, you know, he got me off.

1179
00:54:15,290 --> 00:54:17,087
(LAUGHS)

1180
00:54:17,089 --> 00:54:19,792
And, you know, we've just
been together ever since.

1181
00:54:21,562 --> 00:54:24,497
He asked if you wanted
chicken on your nachos.

1182
00:54:28,701 --> 00:54:30,636
That's not what I heard.

1183
00:54:32,239 --> 00:54:36,108
Oh, Jesus, what is this?
It smells like a dead body.

1184
00:54:36,110 --> 00:54:37,677
- MacCoinnich.
- What?

1185
00:54:37,679 --> 00:54:39,880
Quadruple-distilled. Drink it.

1186
00:54:43,885 --> 00:54:45,851
Oh, my God, it's burning me.

1187
00:54:45,853 --> 00:54:47,353
It's burning everything.

1188
00:54:47,355 --> 00:54:49,456
92% alcohol.

1189
00:54:49,458 --> 00:54:52,458
It's what Scottish priests would
drink whenever they were constipated.

1190
00:54:52,460 --> 00:54:53,994
Here, do another.

1191
00:54:53,996 --> 00:54:55,563
I don't really want to do another one.

1192
00:54:55,565 --> 00:54:57,263
- The second one is better.
- Is it?

1193
00:54:57,265 --> 00:54:58,665
Do it.

1194
00:55:00,736 --> 00:55:02,669
That actually makes me... (GAGS)

1195
00:55:02,671 --> 00:55:04,604
Oh, my God, it's worse.

1196
00:55:04,606 --> 00:55:07,574
Yeah. It's killing all the
tumors in your throat right now.

1197
00:55:11,214 --> 00:55:12,613
- You all right?
- Yeah.

1198
00:55:12,615 --> 00:55:14,982
Come on. Drink another.

1199
00:55:14,984 --> 00:55:16,350
I mean, we're...

1200
00:55:16,352 --> 00:55:18,053
Down the haggis hole.

1201
00:55:20,924 --> 00:55:21,989
(YELPS)

1202
00:55:21,991 --> 00:55:23,757
Yeah!

1203
00:55:23,759 --> 00:55:25,159
(BREATHES SHALLOWLY)

1204
00:55:25,628 --> 00:55:27,697
(ROARS)

1205
00:55:29,199 --> 00:55:31,465
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

1206
00:55:32,536 --> 00:55:34,704
Hey. You wanna talk?

1207
00:55:37,040 --> 00:55:38,572
(SNEEZES)

1208
00:55:40,375 --> 00:55:41,776
Who brought a cat?

1209
00:55:47,251 --> 00:55:48,584
How long was I out?

1210
00:55:48,586 --> 00:55:50,519
About an hour.

1211
00:55:50,521 --> 00:55:52,022
Is it midnight yet?

1212
00:55:52,024 --> 00:55:53,522
No, it's 9:30.

1213
00:55:53,524 --> 00:55:55,057
Come on, keep drinking.

1214
00:56:03,269 --> 00:56:04,799
(VOMITS)

1215
00:56:04,801 --> 00:56:06,667
I believe it was Hemingway who once wrote,

1216
00:56:06,669 --> 00:56:08,739
"No man is truly a man till he vomits

1217
00:56:08,741 --> 00:56:11,042
"behind Big Jim's Pancake House."

1218
00:56:13,246 --> 00:56:14,946
(LAUGHING)

1219
00:56:20,552 --> 00:56:22,219
Let's go, Grandpa, fuck or fight?

1220
00:56:22,221 --> 00:56:24,386
GRADY: Those are hurtful words, Jerry.

1221
00:56:24,388 --> 00:56:26,823
You know, I bluffed the DA
when I had your charges dropped,

1222
00:56:27,692 --> 00:56:29,726
but I'm not bluffing today.

1223
00:56:29,728 --> 00:56:31,761
Look at that.

1224
00:56:31,763 --> 00:56:33,564
Hey, wait a second.

1225
00:56:33,566 --> 00:56:35,768
Where the fuck is everybody?

1226
00:56:39,006 --> 00:56:40,504
Stensland.

1227
00:56:40,506 --> 00:56:42,705
She's left him.

1228
00:56:42,707 --> 00:56:44,910
(MUSIC PLAYING)

1229
00:57:03,629 --> 00:57:04,930
Grady, let me in!

1230
00:57:13,239 --> 00:57:14,241
(SPEAKING PUNJABI)

1231
00:57:15,609 --> 00:57:17,009
Grady!

1232
00:57:17,011 --> 00:57:19,812
Let me in! Grady, please let me in!

1233
00:57:21,450 --> 00:57:24,550
STENSLAND: I have had more
alcohol than oxygen for a week.

1234
00:57:24,552 --> 00:57:29,622
I can't wait to get home and
slip into my jimmy-jammies.

1235
00:57:29,624 --> 00:57:33,392
Cabbie, Campus and 27th. Step on it.

1236
00:57:33,394 --> 00:57:35,929
What campus? Campus?

1237
00:57:38,367 --> 00:57:41,635
CROWD: (CHANTING) Stensland!
Stensland! Stensland!

1238
00:57:41,637 --> 00:57:44,773
Stensland! Stensland! Stensland!

1239
00:57:51,714 --> 00:57:52,913
Stop it!

1240
00:57:52,915 --> 00:57:56,549
I said, shut up, God damn it!

1241
00:57:56,551 --> 00:57:58,520
- (PANTING)
- (MUSIC STOPS)

1242
00:57:58,522 --> 00:58:01,522
What's wrong with you people?

1243
00:58:01,524 --> 00:58:05,458
Has the collegiate experience
become so dull in this country

1244
00:58:05,460 --> 00:58:08,295
that causing irreversible
harm to your bodies

1245
00:58:08,297 --> 00:58:12,335
with this binge drinking is
the only way to have a hoot?

1246
00:58:13,135 --> 00:58:14,401
(PANTING)

1247
00:58:14,403 --> 00:58:16,938
This isn't fun!

1248
00:58:16,940 --> 00:58:19,206
This is sadomasochism!

1249
00:58:19,208 --> 00:58:23,679
Have you never heard of board games?

1250
00:58:23,681 --> 00:58:26,981
Scattergories is a laugh riot!

1251
00:58:26,983 --> 00:58:30,552
Whatever happened to Spin the Bottle

1252
00:58:30,554 --> 00:58:33,223
and kiss-chasing on the green?

1253
00:58:34,625 --> 00:58:36,761
You're all alcoholics.

1254
00:58:37,560 --> 00:58:41,096
You need to attend meetings!

1255
00:58:41,098 --> 00:58:46,368
Well, screw it, I'm making a stand!

1256
00:58:46,370 --> 00:58:51,473
Let's put an end to these
black sabbaths and brain damage!

1257
00:58:51,475 --> 00:58:53,009
Join me and say,

1258
00:58:53,011 --> 00:58:58,351
"We don't have to be
party animals to be cool!"

1259
00:59:01,219 --> 00:59:02,219
(SIGHS)

1260
00:59:07,994 --> 00:59:10,760
Let's make him drink from the hobo's boot!

1261
00:59:10,762 --> 00:59:12,996
ALL: Yeah!

1262
00:59:12,998 --> 00:59:16,499
ALL: (CHANTING) Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot!

1263
00:59:16,501 --> 00:59:19,668
Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot!

1264
00:59:19,670 --> 00:59:21,740
Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot!

1265
00:59:21,742 --> 00:59:23,207
Hobo's boot!

1266
00:59:23,209 --> 00:59:27,778
Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot! Hobo's boot!

1267
00:59:30,283 --> 00:59:32,049
How did that boot taste, buddy?

1268
00:59:32,051 --> 00:59:34,118
Like homelessness in my mouth.

1269
00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:36,254
Why did you make them refill it?

1270
00:59:36,256 --> 00:59:39,490
We didn't have enough camera
coverage for the YouTube video.

1271
00:59:39,492 --> 00:59:41,593
Hey, it was the hit of the
party. You're gonna be a legend.

1272
00:59:41,595 --> 00:59:45,030
Please tell me you found your
"bang strange" lady tonight.

1273
00:59:45,032 --> 00:59:46,665
I didn't, I didn't,

1274
00:59:46,667 --> 00:59:49,302
but Bacardi's is hosting a
pool party tomorrow night.

1275
00:59:49,304 --> 00:59:51,835
There'll be fur-burgers
grilling all night long.

1276
00:59:51,837 --> 00:59:53,538
- Tomorrow?
- Tomorrow night.

1277
00:59:53,540 --> 00:59:55,507
- I don't...
- Come on. Come on, watch your head.

1278
00:59:55,509 --> 00:59:57,909
Watch your head, watch
your head, watch your head.

1279
01:00:02,683 --> 01:00:05,118
(INDISTINCT CHATTER ON RADIO)

1280
01:00:06,554 --> 01:00:07,987
(SIGHS)

1281
01:00:13,729 --> 01:00:16,629
You know what? We're going
to take a quick detour.

1282
01:00:16,631 --> 01:00:18,298
Uh...

1283
01:00:18,300 --> 01:00:21,768
When you hit this stop
sign, let's go to the right.

1284
01:00:40,790 --> 01:00:41,855
(SIGHS)

1285
01:00:41,857 --> 01:00:43,759
My tummy hurts.

1286
01:00:44,828 --> 01:00:45,960
(GROANS)

1287
01:00:45,962 --> 01:00:47,963
Uh, we'd better get going.

1288
01:01:02,845 --> 01:01:04,278
(SIGHS)

1289
01:01:12,122 --> 01:01:13,891
- STENSLAND: Oh, God!
- (SOFT THUD)

1290
01:01:19,030 --> 01:01:21,698
Uh, we need to turn around.

1291
01:01:21,700 --> 01:01:23,234
He fell out.

1292
01:01:30,843 --> 01:01:32,810
Where did I come from?

1293
01:01:38,015 --> 01:01:39,281
HANNAH: Thank you.

1294
01:01:52,898 --> 01:01:54,097
Stensland?

1295
01:01:55,702 --> 01:01:57,735
Oh...

1296
01:01:57,737 --> 01:02:00,170
Please don't be mean to me right
now. I'm hanging on by a thread.

1297
01:02:00,172 --> 01:02:02,673
What the hell are you doing here?

1298
01:02:02,675 --> 01:02:04,474
I'm hiding from Grady.

1299
01:02:04,476 --> 01:02:06,677
At Soft Solutions?

1300
01:02:06,679 --> 01:02:08,712
Yeah. It's my favorite place.

1301
01:02:08,714 --> 01:02:11,817
It's clean, comfortable,
the staff are warm-hearted.

1302
01:02:12,553 --> 01:02:13,953
Stensy!

1303
01:02:13,955 --> 01:02:16,957
Hey, Brandon, looking
svelte, hombre.

1304
01:02:18,024 --> 01:02:20,091
They're so nice to me here.

1305
01:02:20,093 --> 01:02:21,926
Oh, God, you're weird.

1306
01:02:21,928 --> 01:02:23,962
Okay, well, I'll leave you to it.

1307
01:02:23,964 --> 01:02:25,696
No, no, no, please don't go.

1308
01:02:25,698 --> 01:02:28,767
Come on. We need to talk.
Let's square our beef.

1309
01:02:28,769 --> 01:02:32,271
Come and check out the "Casual
Refinement" Living Room set, huh?

1310
01:02:32,273 --> 01:02:34,274
- Seriously?
- Yeah.

1311
01:02:37,612 --> 01:02:38,945
(SIGHS)

1312
01:02:39,880 --> 01:02:41,780
There we go.

1313
01:02:41,782 --> 01:02:44,749
Take a deep breath, relax.

1314
01:02:44,751 --> 01:02:48,753
Let the comfort and ambience envelop you.

1315
01:02:48,755 --> 01:02:53,492
So, madam, what brings you
to Soft Solutions today?

1316
01:02:53,494 --> 01:02:57,729
Are you shopping for a
new home or just browsing?

1317
01:02:57,731 --> 01:02:59,531
None of the above.

1318
01:02:59,533 --> 01:03:01,834
Returning a hideous Moroccan
throw rug for Morgan.

1319
01:03:01,836 --> 01:03:04,571
God damn it. I picked that out for her.

1320
01:03:05,374 --> 01:03:06,939
You did?

1321
01:03:07,776 --> 01:03:09,276
You met Morgan here?

1322
01:03:09,278 --> 01:03:12,745
Yeah. In Decor Enrichments.

1323
01:03:12,747 --> 01:03:14,913
God, she was so beautiful.

1324
01:03:14,915 --> 01:03:18,718
I was intimidated, to say
the least, but, I don't know,

1325
01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:23,224
I got brave, we started
talking, and we clicked.

1326
01:03:25,261 --> 01:03:27,296
I just wanted a girlfriend.

1327
01:03:27,797 --> 01:03:29,795
Aw.

1328
01:03:29,797 --> 01:03:33,601
Okay, listen, let me give you
a tip as your search continues.

1329
01:03:33,603 --> 01:03:35,802
Going psycho and blackmailing a woman

1330
01:03:35,804 --> 01:03:38,474
isn't going to change her mind
about your boyfriend potential.

1331
01:03:38,476 --> 01:03:40,443
- That's fair enough.
- Yeah.

1332
01:03:41,576 --> 01:03:43,611
You know she really loves Grady, right?

1333
01:03:45,649 --> 01:03:47,783
Yeah, I know.

1334
01:03:47,785 --> 01:03:50,886
God, I can't wait to get
these people out of my life.

1335
01:03:50,888 --> 01:03:52,821
- Then kick Grady out.
- I can't.

1336
01:03:52,823 --> 01:03:55,591
I'm a blackmailer, remember?
He could have me arrested.

1337
01:03:55,593 --> 01:03:58,127
I'm his Kunta Kinte until
he decides to set me free.

1338
01:03:58,129 --> 01:04:01,129
That's not gonna happen until he
balances the scales with Morgan

1339
01:04:01,131 --> 01:04:03,031
and gets his revenge schtup.

1340
01:04:03,033 --> 01:04:04,700
Okay, so then what are you doing

1341
01:04:04,702 --> 01:04:06,367
to help him on this ridiculous mission?

1342
01:04:06,369 --> 01:04:08,339
Nothing. I hate going out.

1343
01:04:08,341 --> 01:04:10,306
I'm a total curmudgeon.

1344
01:04:10,308 --> 01:04:12,041
And a whiny little bitch.

1345
01:04:12,043 --> 01:04:14,210
I wear pajama tops and
flip flops to nightclubs.

1346
01:04:14,212 --> 01:04:17,045
You have the social skills of
a truck driver with Asperger's.

1347
01:04:17,047 --> 01:04:18,480
I'm a horrible wingman.

1348
01:04:18,482 --> 01:04:20,984
You're like a colossal cockblocker.

1349
01:04:21,786 --> 01:04:23,453
Oh, my God.

1350
01:04:23,455 --> 01:04:25,054
Hannah.

1351
01:04:25,056 --> 01:04:28,190
I'm the reason Grady hasn't
pulled the dick trigger.

1352
01:04:28,192 --> 01:04:30,694
Good God, you're a genius.

1353
01:04:30,696 --> 01:04:34,064
You're just realizing this now?

1354
01:04:34,066 --> 01:04:37,903
Grady? Where are we headed tonight?

1355
01:04:37,905 --> 01:04:40,005
I am parched for hootch!

1356
01:04:40,807 --> 01:04:42,474
GRADY: Dear Dumbass.

1357
01:04:42,476 --> 01:04:44,374
I have some work to
get done at the office.

1358
01:04:44,376 --> 01:04:45,908
Consider yourself on parole.

1359
01:04:45,910 --> 01:04:48,412
Love, the Motherfucker in Charge.

1360
01:04:49,414 --> 01:04:50,479
(SCOFFS)

1361
01:04:50,481 --> 01:04:53,016
Not on my watch, Kemosabe.

1362
01:05:05,165 --> 01:05:07,167
(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)

1363
01:05:32,394 --> 01:05:35,195
Yeah, looking good, Stensy.

1364
01:05:40,367 --> 01:05:41,767
Keep the change, baby.

1365
01:05:43,003 --> 01:05:44,372
Get yourself something nice.

1366
01:05:46,843 --> 01:05:47,908
(LAUGHING)

1367
01:05:47,910 --> 01:05:49,143
What was that?

1368
01:06:17,741 --> 01:06:19,139
(BARKS)

1369
01:06:19,141 --> 01:06:20,708
It's checking out time.

1370
01:06:20,710 --> 01:06:22,976
What the fuck are you doing here?

1371
01:06:22,978 --> 01:06:25,512
Put that shit away. It's Thursday
night, weekend's already started.

1372
01:06:25,514 --> 01:06:27,682
Jesus Christ, you look like shit.

1373
01:06:27,684 --> 01:06:29,851
Is that my Rocco Richetti pinstripe?

1374
01:06:29,853 --> 01:06:32,486
Yeah. Fits like a condom, right?

1375
01:06:32,488 --> 01:06:34,422
All I'm saying is Ladies' Night

1376
01:06:34,424 --> 01:06:37,024
at the Trinity Club is already in progress.

1377
01:06:37,026 --> 01:06:40,361
Three floors of DJs,
dancing, and binge drinking.

1378
01:06:40,363 --> 01:06:43,198
You take all those ingredients,
put 'em in a muffin pan,

1379
01:06:43,200 --> 01:06:44,767
when they come out of the oven,

1380
01:06:44,769 --> 01:06:46,901
they're hot, sweaty,
and destined for regret.

1381
01:06:46,903 --> 01:06:50,272
Come on. Are we gonna settle
the score with Morgan or what?

1382
01:06:50,274 --> 01:06:53,209
Let's finish what you fuckin' started.

1383
01:06:57,449 --> 01:07:00,083
You know what? You're right.

1384
01:07:00,085 --> 01:07:02,320
Fuck it. Let's do it.

1385
01:07:06,224 --> 01:07:08,090
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING)

1386
01:07:08,092 --> 01:07:10,927
Who is the ringleader? You're
up! You're up. You're up.

1387
01:07:10,929 --> 01:07:14,730
Who is the ringleader? You're
up! You're up! You're up!

1388
01:07:14,732 --> 01:07:17,334
Who is the ringleader? You're...

1389
01:07:18,770 --> 01:07:21,305
- Wow. You guys live here?
- Yeah.

1390
01:07:21,307 --> 01:07:25,109
We've stripped away all the
snobbery of modern trendy furnishing

1391
01:07:25,111 --> 01:07:29,245
to create a streamlined
hidey-hole of purified partying.

1392
01:07:29,247 --> 01:07:31,149
We call it "beatnik chic."

1393
01:07:31,151 --> 01:07:32,749
- Works for me.
- Cool.

1394
01:07:32,751 --> 01:07:35,252
- Tequila!
- Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

1395
01:07:35,254 --> 01:07:38,055
Fuck. I lasso Doublemint twins for us,

1396
01:07:38,057 --> 01:07:40,191
and you sit here like
a gassy infant? Come on!

1397
01:07:40,193 --> 01:07:42,260
- What the fuck happened to you?
- CARRIE: Burns so good, baby.

1398
01:07:42,262 --> 01:07:44,063
Ai!
Yi-yi-yi-yi!

1399
01:07:44,065 --> 01:07:46,864
- Was that a Middle Eastern war cry?
- That was.

1400
01:07:46,866 --> 01:07:48,400
- Where did that come from?
- I don't know.

1401
01:07:48,402 --> 01:07:50,003
You get up off of your vagina.

1402
01:07:50,005 --> 01:07:51,902
You're embarrassing yourself. Come on.

1403
01:07:51,904 --> 01:07:53,273
(SIGHS) Fuck.

1404
01:07:53,275 --> 01:07:54,639
The next one's for you, handsome.

1405
01:07:54,641 --> 01:07:56,241
Remember what we're doing here.

1406
01:07:56,243 --> 01:07:57,675
Thank you.

1407
01:07:57,677 --> 01:07:59,244
Are we too cray-cray for you, Grady?

1408
01:07:59,246 --> 01:08:00,679
(LAUGHS) Yes.

1409
01:08:00,681 --> 01:08:02,313
You'll have to excuse my friend.

1410
01:08:02,315 --> 01:08:04,516
He gets bashful around beautiful women.

1411
01:08:04,518 --> 01:08:06,185
- Aw!
- Aw!

1412
01:08:06,187 --> 01:08:08,789
- We need music.
- Yes!

1413
01:08:08,791 --> 01:08:11,957
Whoa... Cool! Records,
just like my nana's house.

1414
01:08:11,959 --> 01:08:15,062
The next shots are gonna
come out of my navel, boys.

1415
01:08:15,064 --> 01:08:17,398
- Here, help me up, Stensy.
- Ooh. Yeah.

1416
01:08:18,097 --> 01:08:20,600
I got it. Billy Ocean!

1417
01:08:21,636 --> 01:08:24,071
Oh. Oh, no, no, no.

1418
01:08:24,073 --> 01:08:27,206
(CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY) You know, I don't
think Billy Ocean is such a good idea.

1419
01:08:27,208 --> 01:08:28,540
SAMANTHA: Who's Billy Ocean?

1420
01:08:28,542 --> 01:08:30,174
What's your problem with Billy Ocean?

1421
01:08:30,176 --> 01:08:33,546
I... I just react strangely
to his music, okay?

1422
01:08:33,548 --> 01:08:36,015
I just... I just have an
emotional relationship.

1423
01:08:36,017 --> 01:08:39,653
There's a lot of history there,
okay? So, don't put it on.

1424
01:08:39,655 --> 01:08:41,523
GRADY: Hmm. You hear that, girls?

1425
01:08:41,525 --> 01:08:44,457
Stensland reacts strangely
to Billy Ocean's music.

1426
01:08:44,459 --> 01:08:46,894
No, no, no, elaborate.

1427
01:08:46,896 --> 01:08:49,395
- No, I don't really...
- Come on! Please?

1428
01:08:49,397 --> 01:08:51,131
- No, no, no, because...
- GRADY: Stensy...

1429
01:08:51,133 --> 01:08:53,100
Fine, fine, okay. It's...

1430
01:08:53,102 --> 01:08:58,239
It's kind of sappy, but,
uh, it's genuine Stensland.

1431
01:08:58,241 --> 01:08:59,841
All right.

1432
01:08:59,843 --> 01:09:02,510
Amber McGinnitty was the prettiest

1433
01:09:02,512 --> 01:09:04,878
12-year-old in the
history of 12-year-olds.

1434
01:09:04,880 --> 01:09:09,950
She loved Billy Ocean, and I
loved her, so I studied him.

1435
01:09:09,952 --> 01:09:15,157
He was everything I wasn't.
Suave, soulful, fashionable, black.

1436
01:09:15,159 --> 01:09:18,327
My mother made me a little
white suit just like Billy's.

1437
01:09:18,329 --> 01:09:23,433
I put it on, locked myself in my
bedroom, and danced to his jams.

1438
01:09:25,437 --> 01:09:28,706
And then I'd cry and feel sorry for myself.

1439
01:09:29,139 --> 01:09:30,239
Oh...

1440
01:09:30,241 --> 01:09:31,841
Aw...

1441
01:09:31,843 --> 01:09:34,509
So, anytime I hear the
sounds of the Ocean now,

1442
01:09:34,511 --> 01:09:38,615
it just puts me in mind
of Amber McGinnitty.

1443
01:09:38,617 --> 01:09:39,848
Well, did you ask her out?

1444
01:09:39,850 --> 01:09:42,417
Yes, to the Tropical Para-dance.

1445
01:09:42,419 --> 01:09:44,355
And she said yes?

1446
01:09:49,060 --> 01:09:50,160
- Oh!
- Oh...

1447
01:09:50,162 --> 01:09:51,995
- Oh...
- Ooh.

1448
01:09:51,997 --> 01:09:54,097
- CARRIE: Oh, Stensy...
- Oh, that's nice.

1449
01:09:54,099 --> 01:09:57,802
Hey. Hey, hey. I would
hug you, too, but, um...

1450
01:09:57,804 --> 01:10:00,405
I've got a beverage in my bellybutton.

1451
01:10:00,407 --> 01:10:02,871
- Come on.
- Come on.

1452
01:10:02,873 --> 01:10:04,407
Um...

1453
01:10:05,310 --> 01:10:06,743
Suck me.

1454
01:10:07,680 --> 01:10:09,682
CARRIE: Do it. Suck her.

1455
01:10:11,249 --> 01:10:12,416
(MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKER)

1456
01:10:12,418 --> 01:10:14,486
♪ Get outta my dreams

1457
01:10:16,423 --> 01:10:17,488
♪ Get into my car

1458
01:10:17,490 --> 01:10:18,690
(LAUGHS)

1459
01:10:20,860 --> 01:10:22,225
(YELLS)

1460
01:10:22,227 --> 01:10:23,394
SAMANTHA: Go, Stensy!

1461
01:10:23,396 --> 01:10:24,562
(WHOOPING)

1462
01:10:24,564 --> 01:10:26,030
♪ Get into my life

1463
01:10:28,034 --> 01:10:29,501
(GRUNTS)

1464
01:10:29,503 --> 01:10:30,835
- ♪ Oh, I said, "Hey"
- ♪ Hey

1465
01:10:30,837 --> 01:10:32,404
- ♪ You
- ♪ You

1466
01:10:32,406 --> 01:10:35,543
♪ Get into my car

1467
01:10:38,311 --> 01:10:40,779
CARRIE: Yeah, Stensy! Whoo!

1468
01:10:40,781 --> 01:10:43,282
♪ Let me take your wheel

1469
01:10:43,284 --> 01:10:44,584
♪ Smooth operator

1470
01:10:45,384 --> 01:10:46,953
Whoo!

1471
01:10:46,955 --> 01:10:48,587
(SAMANTHA AND CARRIE LAUGHING)

1472
01:10:48,589 --> 01:10:50,957
- Whoo! (LAUGHING)
- (LAUGHING)

1473
01:10:51,592 --> 01:10:53,457
♪ Make it real

1474
01:10:53,459 --> 01:10:55,527
♪ Like a road runner

1475
01:10:55,529 --> 01:10:57,596
♪ Coming after you

1476
01:10:57,598 --> 01:10:59,632
♪ Just like a hero

1477
01:10:59,634 --> 01:11:01,067
♪ Outta the blue

1478
01:11:02,070 --> 01:11:04,669
♪ I'll be your non-stop lover

1479
01:11:04,671 --> 01:11:06,439
♪ Get it while you can

1480
01:11:06,441 --> 01:11:09,141
♪ Your non-stop miracle

1481
01:11:09,143 --> 01:11:11,378
♪ I'm your man

1482
01:11:11,380 --> 01:11:13,681
♪ Get outta my dreams

1483
01:11:15,383 --> 01:11:17,749
♪ Get into my car

1484
01:11:17,751 --> 01:11:19,620
♪ Get into my car

1485
01:11:19,622 --> 01:11:21,688
♪ Get outta my dreams

1486
01:11:21,690 --> 01:11:23,758
♪ Get in the back seat baby

1487
01:11:23,760 --> 01:11:25,692
♪ Get into my car

1488
01:11:25,694 --> 01:11:27,727
♪ Beep beep, yeah

1489
01:11:27,729 --> 01:11:30,097
♪ Get outta my dreams

1490
01:11:31,702 --> 01:11:33,500
♪ Get into my car ♪

1491
01:11:33,502 --> 01:11:34,935
Fucking slut.

1492
01:11:35,572 --> 01:11:36,838
(MUSIC STOPS)

1493
01:11:36,840 --> 01:11:38,505
What?

1494
01:11:38,507 --> 01:11:42,675
I'm sorry. Samantha is a fucking slut.

1495
01:11:42,677 --> 01:11:45,179
You're nice, Stensland. It's just...

1496
01:11:45,181 --> 01:11:47,782
I kind of had my heart set on Grady,

1497
01:11:47,784 --> 01:11:50,350
and fucking bitch Samantha does it again!

1498
01:11:50,352 --> 01:11:53,321
She just sluts it up so early
that they can't even choose

1499
01:11:53,323 --> 01:11:55,189
when it comes time to pick rooms,

1500
01:11:55,191 --> 01:11:56,424
and then I just always get
stuck with the, you know...

1501
01:11:56,426 --> 01:11:57,993
With the what?

1502
01:11:58,727 --> 01:12:01,027
With the dorky one?

1503
01:12:01,029 --> 01:12:05,867
With the pale and waifish
pity case? The goat boy?

1504
01:12:05,869 --> 01:12:10,440
The sad sack who only watches
programming intended for teen girls?

1505
01:12:13,111 --> 01:12:14,578
(CRIES)

1506
01:12:15,713 --> 01:12:17,482
CARRIE: I'm sorry.

1507
01:12:21,252 --> 01:12:24,922
Oh, my God! This bathroom
is disgusting! (CRIES)

1508
01:12:41,171 --> 01:12:43,174
(PHONE VIBRATING)

1509
01:12:45,376 --> 01:12:46,776
(SIGHS)

1510
01:12:48,647 --> 01:12:50,078
What?

1511
01:12:50,080 --> 01:12:52,382
GRADY: Well, I did it last night.

1512
01:12:52,384 --> 01:12:53,917
You did what last night?

1513
01:12:53,919 --> 01:12:57,623
She was young and quite gorgeous.

1514
01:12:58,825 --> 01:13:02,028
So, how's it feel?

1515
01:13:04,732 --> 01:13:06,730
(SIGHS)

1516
01:13:06,732 --> 01:13:08,501
It feels awful.

1517
01:13:10,304 --> 01:13:11,804
Is there anything else?

1518
01:13:13,340 --> 01:13:15,239
No.

1519
01:13:15,241 --> 01:13:18,042
I've got nothing else to say, Morgan.

1520
01:13:19,814 --> 01:13:23,083
Well, then goodbye, Grady.

1521
01:13:23,618 --> 01:13:25,085
Goodbye.

1522
01:13:31,359 --> 01:13:33,058
Oh, hey.

1523
01:13:34,930 --> 01:13:36,963
Sorry about last night.

1524
01:13:38,099 --> 01:13:39,766
Yeah.

1525
01:13:39,768 --> 01:13:41,536
Whatever.

1526
01:13:46,373 --> 01:13:47,973
(SNIFFLES)

1527
01:13:51,111 --> 01:13:52,311
(SIGHS)

1528
01:14:03,892 --> 01:14:05,558
Hey, Stensland.

1529
01:14:05,560 --> 01:14:07,026
Good morning, Michael.

1530
01:14:10,467 --> 01:14:11,933
- Thank you.
- Okay.

1531
01:14:23,914 --> 01:14:25,913
BILLY: Excuse me, can you help me?

1532
01:14:25,915 --> 01:14:28,784
I'm sorry, I don't actually work here.

1533
01:14:29,818 --> 01:14:33,288
Are you Billy Ocean?

1534
01:14:33,290 --> 01:14:35,489
Feelin' pretty blue, huh, Stensy?

1535
01:14:35,491 --> 01:14:40,261
(SIGHS) Deep blue, Billy.
I fucked up, big style.

1536
01:14:40,263 --> 01:14:42,530
You sure did, my pale friend.

1537
01:14:42,532 --> 01:14:48,003
I indulged Grady's penis when it
was his heart that needed a hand.

1538
01:14:48,005 --> 01:14:50,806
Ah, this beach party ain't over, Stensy.

1539
01:14:50,808 --> 01:14:52,374
It runs on island time.

1540
01:14:52,376 --> 01:14:55,209
What's track number six
off of Love Zone?

1541
01:14:55,211 --> 01:14:56,778
Track number six...

1542
01:14:57,782 --> 01:15:00,282
It's Never Too Late To Try.

1543
01:15:00,284 --> 01:15:02,318
Slip on a new pair of boat shoes.

1544
01:15:02,320 --> 01:15:04,353
The world needs your help, Stensy.

1545
01:15:04,355 --> 01:15:05,989
In fact, I need your help right now.

1546
01:15:05,991 --> 01:15:07,857
- You do?
- I do.

1547
01:15:07,859 --> 01:15:11,661
Where can I find me a love
seat impervious to cat pee?

1548
01:15:12,531 --> 01:15:13,995
What?

1549
01:15:13,997 --> 01:15:15,865
Do you know, young man?

1550
01:15:15,867 --> 01:15:18,668
I... Wait, where did your breezy suit go?

1551
01:15:18,670 --> 01:15:20,472
You're not Billy Ocean.

1552
01:15:20,474 --> 01:15:22,438
Breezy suit? Focus, son.

1553
01:15:22,440 --> 01:15:24,575
I'm looking for a love
seat that won't stain

1554
01:15:24,577 --> 01:15:27,712
when my wife's crazy
cat takes a whizz on it.

1555
01:15:28,213 --> 01:15:29,646
Oh.

1556
01:15:29,648 --> 01:15:31,349
Yeah, uh, of course.

1557
01:15:31,351 --> 01:15:33,417
Well, the "Home Sweet Home" collection

1558
01:15:33,419 --> 01:15:36,254
has an optional stain-resistant fabric.

1559
01:15:36,256 --> 01:15:37,454
Excellent.

1560
01:15:37,456 --> 01:15:39,223
Come right this way, sir.

1561
01:15:39,225 --> 01:15:41,857
Now, this textile has the
look and feel of cotton,

1562
01:15:41,859 --> 01:15:44,295
but totally kicks blemishes to the curb.

1563
01:15:44,297 --> 01:15:47,132
Perfect. Does it come in tropical print?

1564
01:15:48,267 --> 01:15:50,667
- HANNAH: Morgan!
- Oh, jeez.

1565
01:15:50,669 --> 01:15:53,438
Did you eat all the Bismarcks? There's
not gonna be enough for the clients.

1566
01:15:53,440 --> 01:15:57,442
I'm sorry. I'm a little
upside down right now.

1567
01:15:57,444 --> 01:16:00,811
Oh, Grady. Grady finally
got his revenge last night.

1568
01:16:00,813 --> 01:16:02,413
He what?

1569
01:16:02,415 --> 01:16:03,515
Oh...

1570
01:16:03,517 --> 01:16:04,983
Yep.

1571
01:16:04,985 --> 01:16:06,784
- Who was it?
- I don't know,

1572
01:16:06,786 --> 01:16:09,788
but up in here, she looks like
Jessica Rabbit, only sexier.

1573
01:16:09,790 --> 01:16:13,459
I'm sorry. You can't be that surprised.

1574
01:16:13,461 --> 01:16:15,461
No, you're right, I'm not.

1575
01:16:15,463 --> 01:16:16,995
Can we look on the bright side?

1576
01:16:16,997 --> 01:16:18,396
We have more donuts?

1577
01:16:18,398 --> 01:16:21,199
No. Now, in Grady's stubborn mind,

1578
01:16:21,201 --> 01:16:23,068
the scales have finally been balanced.

1579
01:16:23,070 --> 01:16:25,203
He's shot his spiteful
wad, and we both know

1580
01:16:25,205 --> 01:16:27,806
what happens to guys
after they blow their load.

1581
01:16:27,808 --> 01:16:29,208
They get real.

1582
01:16:29,210 --> 01:16:31,410
It's too late to get real, Hannah.

1583
01:16:31,412 --> 01:16:35,249
I mean, it is over. It is over
like smoking on planes is over.

1584
01:16:35,251 --> 01:16:37,317
I'm telling you, if he was
to walk in here right now

1585
01:16:37,319 --> 01:16:39,151
and get down on his knees

1586
01:16:39,153 --> 01:16:41,254
with the Hope Diamond, I
would not take him back.

1587
01:16:41,256 --> 01:16:43,356
Fuck him.

1588
01:16:43,358 --> 01:16:48,427
Fuck him and his... His dreamy blue eyes.

1589
01:16:48,429 --> 01:16:51,732
Oh, God, I hope Judy in
Accounting has mini-Snickers.

1590
01:16:57,439 --> 01:17:00,107
Oh, hello there.

1591
01:17:00,109 --> 01:17:04,580
Just wanted to pay you in
advance for the kid's rent.

1592
01:17:04,582 --> 01:17:06,647
Just a couple of months.

1593
01:17:06,649 --> 01:17:07,849
(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

1594
01:17:08,583 --> 01:17:10,518
Stensland.

1595
01:17:10,520 --> 01:17:11,920
Thank you.

1596
01:17:12,655 --> 01:17:14,288
(SPEAKS PUNJABI)

1597
01:17:18,728 --> 01:17:21,063
- Hey.
- You got a job?

1598
01:17:21,065 --> 01:17:24,100
Yeah, my new grindstone.

1599
01:17:25,401 --> 01:17:27,135
(CHUCKLES) Well, you look sharp.

1600
01:17:27,137 --> 01:17:29,773
- Thanks.
- Congratulations.

1601
01:17:30,607 --> 01:17:32,541
Where are you going?

1602
01:17:32,543 --> 01:17:35,778
Ah, get some work done, then
check into the Four Seasons.

1603
01:17:35,780 --> 01:17:37,380
I tormented you long enough.

1604
01:17:40,884 --> 01:17:43,020
You slept with Samantha, I assume?

1605
01:17:45,958 --> 01:17:49,059
No, I didn't. I couldn't.

1606
01:17:50,629 --> 01:17:52,061
(CHUCKLES)

1607
01:17:52,063 --> 01:17:54,365
Well, you know,

1608
01:17:55,534 --> 01:17:57,967
the heart pumps blood into the penis,

1609
01:17:57,969 --> 01:17:59,435
but when that heart is broken...

1610
01:17:59,437 --> 01:18:02,570
- Oh, God, give me a break.
- ...the penis...

1611
01:18:02,572 --> 01:18:05,408
My penis wasn't the problem, dumbass.

1612
01:18:05,410 --> 01:18:07,578
And if you're so smart about this stuff,

1613
01:18:07,580 --> 01:18:09,780
why did she fuck around
on me to begin with?

1614
01:18:09,782 --> 01:18:11,714
- With you!
- I don't know.

1615
01:18:11,716 --> 01:18:16,086
Isn't marriage supposedly
harder than pole vaulting?

1616
01:18:16,088 --> 01:18:19,522
My parents lasted for four
years and threw in the sponge.

1617
01:18:19,524 --> 01:18:22,259
You and Morgan prevailed for 15.

1618
01:18:22,261 --> 01:18:24,128
But after 15 years of anything,

1619
01:18:24,130 --> 01:18:27,297
even something good is bound
to fritz a little, right?

1620
01:18:27,299 --> 01:18:30,299
I don't know if it's been good
for a long time, Stensland.

1621
01:18:30,301 --> 01:18:32,704
Whose fault is that, do you think?

1622
01:18:32,706 --> 01:18:35,708
I'm sorry, but why don't you just go home?

1623
01:18:35,710 --> 01:18:37,107
To Morgan.

1624
01:18:37,109 --> 01:18:40,012
You know she's sorry! You are too!

1625
01:18:40,014 --> 01:18:43,080
Because everything has changed, that's why.

1626
01:18:43,082 --> 01:18:45,650
No, look, your love has just been tested.

1627
01:18:45,652 --> 01:18:47,919
Like Aladdin in the Cave of Wonders,

1628
01:18:47,921 --> 01:18:52,156
or when Wonka's golden ticket-holders
got Everlasting Gobstoppers.

1629
01:18:52,158 --> 01:18:54,691
You passed the test, Grady.

1630
01:18:54,693 --> 01:18:56,629
You still love each other!

1631
01:18:56,631 --> 01:18:59,564
Sometimes, you have to
lose somebody completely

1632
01:18:59,566 --> 01:19:03,435
before you can figure out
what they really mean to you.

1633
01:19:03,437 --> 01:19:06,106
Why don't you go and tell her that?

1634
01:19:07,641 --> 01:19:11,576
I appreciate you caring.
It's not that simple.

1635
01:19:11,578 --> 01:19:12,645
Goodbye, Stensland.

1636
01:19:14,048 --> 01:19:16,380
Your butch ego is getting in the way

1637
01:19:16,382 --> 01:19:19,487
of your happiness, you asshole!

1638
01:19:19,489 --> 01:19:21,720
You're really not going to her?

1639
01:19:21,722 --> 01:19:24,359
No, I am not going to her.

1640
01:19:25,027 --> 01:19:30,363
Okay. Well... I am.

1641
01:19:30,365 --> 01:19:33,600
You wanna know why she
cheated on you? The truth?

1642
01:19:33,602 --> 01:19:35,269
It's because of me.

1643
01:19:35,271 --> 01:19:37,505
I'm the romantic and sensitive type of man

1644
01:19:37,507 --> 01:19:39,607
Morgan knows she should've married.

1645
01:19:39,609 --> 01:19:42,542
All I had to do was pay
her one gooey compliment,

1646
01:19:42,544 --> 01:19:45,579
and those waterlogged
panties hit the floor.

1647
01:19:45,581 --> 01:19:46,582
Ker-splash.

1648
01:19:47,517 --> 01:19:49,284
Your wife is the finest piece

1649
01:19:49,286 --> 01:19:51,517
of ass and boobs I've ever tasted,

1650
01:19:51,519 --> 01:19:54,221
and I'm going right back
to her office, right now

1651
01:19:54,223 --> 01:19:56,257
to get me some more!

1652
01:19:56,259 --> 01:19:58,827
Son of a bitch. Stensland!

1653
01:19:58,829 --> 01:20:02,131
My tongue is gonna be in her
vagina so long, it'll pickle!

1654
01:20:02,133 --> 01:20:04,164
I'm gonna make her go...

1655
01:20:04,166 --> 01:20:05,400
(IMITATES MORGAN MOANING)

1656
01:20:06,902 --> 01:20:08,603
All over again!

1657
01:20:08,605 --> 01:20:11,106
Come on. I'm gonna fucking kill you.

1658
01:20:11,108 --> 01:20:12,976
You don't deserve her! I do!

1659
01:20:12,978 --> 01:20:15,643
I'm gonna bury you, dig
you up, and kill you again!

1660
01:20:15,645 --> 01:20:17,212
I'm killing you.

1661
01:20:17,214 --> 01:20:18,982
Hey, girls.

1662
01:20:19,751 --> 01:20:21,649
Sorry.

1663
01:20:21,651 --> 01:20:23,919
- (GULPS) I owe you one.
- No problem, sweetheart.

1664
01:20:23,921 --> 01:20:25,957
Stensland, you little prick!

1665
01:20:26,724 --> 01:20:27,923
Ooh.

1666
01:20:27,925 --> 01:20:29,257
Must be the husband.

1667
01:20:29,259 --> 01:20:31,128
- I guess so.
- Mm-hmm. I'd tap that.

1668
01:20:35,066 --> 01:20:37,933
(SPEAKS PUNJABI)

1669
01:20:37,935 --> 01:20:39,336
STENSLAND: Not now, Muumuu!

1670
01:20:40,939 --> 01:20:42,372
Stensland!

1671
01:20:46,878 --> 01:20:48,078
Ooh!

1672
01:20:48,881 --> 01:20:50,081
(SCREAMS)

1673
01:20:56,655 --> 01:20:57,656
(BARKING)

1674
01:21:01,561 --> 01:21:04,361
Stay! Stay! Stay!

1675
01:21:04,363 --> 01:21:06,363
Stay! Stay, stay!

1676
01:21:06,365 --> 01:21:09,501
What the... Those are
$2,000 pants, asshole!

1677
01:21:09,503 --> 01:21:11,167
Morgan needs a fresh young buck,

1678
01:21:11,169 --> 01:21:13,237
not a bitter old nelly! Fuck you!

1679
01:21:13,239 --> 01:21:14,607
Son of a bitch.

1680
01:21:18,977 --> 01:21:20,613
What the hell do you want?

1681
01:21:20,615 --> 01:21:22,248
- GRADY: Stensland!
- (YELLS)

1682
01:21:23,849 --> 01:21:26,386
Hey! Hey!

1683
01:21:26,388 --> 01:21:28,422
Come back here, you little shit!

1684
01:21:35,827 --> 01:21:37,596
Son of a bitch!

1685
01:21:37,598 --> 01:21:38,599
(GRUNTS)

1686
01:21:40,767 --> 01:21:42,568
Where the fuck...

1687
01:21:44,005 --> 01:21:45,503
- Counselor?
- Tiny!

1688
01:21:45,505 --> 01:21:47,106
Carrot-top,
half-pants, which way?

1689
01:21:47,108 --> 01:21:49,241
Through the house. Want a knife?

1690
01:21:49,243 --> 01:21:50,976
No, I'm good. Thanks, Tiny.

1691
01:21:50,978 --> 01:21:54,113
Re-draw hearing Tuesday!
Judge's chambers! Don't be late!

1692
01:21:54,115 --> 01:21:56,483
That's my lawyer.

1693
01:22:02,322 --> 01:22:04,789
I'm gonna put my willy in her!

1694
01:22:04,791 --> 01:22:06,224
Son of a bitch!

1695
01:22:09,332 --> 01:22:11,030
Fuck you!

1696
01:22:11,032 --> 01:22:12,598
Die, fucker.

1697
01:22:12,600 --> 01:22:14,368
Taxi! Sorry.

1698
01:22:21,310 --> 01:22:24,079
So, where to, gentlemen?

1699
01:22:28,917 --> 01:22:30,150
Okay.

1700
01:22:32,187 --> 01:22:33,722
(PANTS NERVOUSLY)

1701
01:22:33,724 --> 01:22:35,691
- Going up, in her vagina.
- You little bitch.

1702
01:22:37,160 --> 01:22:38,527
(GRUNTS)

1703
01:22:38,529 --> 01:22:40,194
So, what impact does traditional

1704
01:22:40,196 --> 01:22:41,996
earned media have in the marketplace?

1705
01:22:41,998 --> 01:22:43,263
Well, I'm going to tell you.

1706
01:22:43,265 --> 01:22:45,800
- (ELEVATOR DINGS)
- Oh, shit.

1707
01:22:45,802 --> 01:22:47,302
Call the paramedics!

1708
01:22:49,472 --> 01:22:51,438
Now you're going to get
the ass-kicking you deserve.

1709
01:22:51,440 --> 01:22:53,273
Could you just free my windpipe?

1710
01:22:53,275 --> 01:22:55,476
- No.
- I'm getting an erection.

1711
01:22:55,478 --> 01:22:57,645
MORGAN: Call security, please.

1712
01:22:57,647 --> 01:23:00,217
(STAMMERS) I'm really
sorry, everyone. Um...

1713
01:23:00,816 --> 01:23:03,118
I apologize.

1714
01:23:03,120 --> 01:23:07,690
We are going to have to
reschedule this. I'm so sorry.

1715
01:23:08,560 --> 01:23:10,460
So...

1716
01:23:10,462 --> 01:23:13,498
HANNAH: Okay, folks. I'll call you
tomorrow to reschedule. Thank you.

1717
01:23:15,366 --> 01:23:18,503
- Sorry.
- The pitch was blown anyway.

1718
01:23:20,205 --> 01:23:21,872
Thank you. Grady.

1719
01:23:22,808 --> 01:23:25,309
Hannah.

1720
01:23:25,311 --> 01:23:28,378
Four weeks, I've been
working on that presentation.

1721
01:23:28,380 --> 01:23:31,782
Morgan, he's come to apologize.

1722
01:23:31,784 --> 01:23:35,318
- Wait, hang on.
- Yes, you did, Grady.

1723
01:23:37,322 --> 01:23:39,221
Morgan,

1724
01:23:39,223 --> 01:23:40,856
you should've seen how he reacted

1725
01:23:40,858 --> 01:23:43,959
when I told him I was coming
here to fuck you again.

1726
01:23:43,961 --> 01:23:48,400
He was transformed into
a violent love werewolf.

1727
01:23:48,402 --> 01:23:51,303
Cursed not by the bite
of another love wolf,

1728
01:23:51,305 --> 01:23:57,508
but by his ferocious, undying
love for you, his luminous bride.

1729
01:23:57,510 --> 01:24:00,177
This romance has teeth, people.

1730
01:24:00,179 --> 01:24:04,882
Your saga puts me in mind of
Napoleon and Josephine in many ways.

1731
01:24:05,919 --> 01:24:07,719
- Despite adultery and...
- Stensland.

1732
01:24:07,721 --> 01:24:09,556
Yeah? Oh.

1733
01:24:15,895 --> 01:24:17,563
Come on, Grady.

1734
01:24:20,435 --> 01:24:21,868
(SIGHS)

1735
01:24:22,971 --> 01:24:24,937
We wouldn't have burst in like this

1736
01:24:24,939 --> 01:24:27,539
if I'd known that, you
know, the pitch was today.

1737
01:24:27,541 --> 01:24:30,008
Oh, but how would you have
known about this pitch?

1738
01:24:30,010 --> 01:24:31,511
It didn't involve you.

1739
01:24:32,378 --> 01:24:34,179
It doesn't matter.

1740
01:24:34,181 --> 01:24:36,250
Hannah's right. It was
screwed from the beginning.

1741
01:24:36,717 --> 01:24:38,117
Really?

1742
01:24:38,119 --> 01:24:40,319
But you're the best
PowerPoint player in the game.

1743
01:24:40,321 --> 01:24:41,822
Yeah, well, you know what?

1744
01:24:41,824 --> 01:24:43,455
Not on the day that my husband calls me

1745
01:24:43,457 --> 01:24:44,624
to tell me he screwed someone else.

1746
01:24:46,328 --> 01:24:47,527
Right.

1747
01:24:48,564 --> 01:24:50,197
He's gonna fuck this up.

1748
01:24:50,199 --> 01:24:51,764
No, he won't.

1749
01:24:51,766 --> 01:24:54,199
Come on, Grady, give her the straight shit.

1750
01:24:54,201 --> 01:24:56,237
Listen, Morgan, I, uh...

1751
01:24:57,472 --> 01:24:59,472
I lied about that.

1752
01:24:59,474 --> 01:25:02,042
I didn't sleep with anybody.

1753
01:25:02,044 --> 01:25:04,679
I tried, but I didn't.

1754
01:25:05,246 --> 01:25:06,680
Why not?

1755
01:25:06,682 --> 01:25:09,684
Because I couldn't stop thinking about you.

1756
01:25:11,219 --> 01:25:12,719
And about us.

1757
01:25:14,156 --> 01:25:15,556
That's good.

1758
01:25:17,959 --> 01:25:21,229
I owe you an apology, and I get that now.

1759
01:25:21,231 --> 01:25:22,964
Grady, what do you get?

1760
01:25:22,966 --> 01:25:26,500
That I'm the one that
screwed up our marriage.

1761
01:25:26,502 --> 01:25:30,872
I neglected you, and I abandoned us.

1762
01:25:30,874 --> 01:25:34,375
And your firm took off,
and my career took off...

1763
01:25:34,377 --> 01:25:38,113
I tried. I was trying so hard, Grady.

1764
01:25:38,115 --> 01:25:39,681
I know you did.

1765
01:25:39,683 --> 01:25:43,318
I saw it. But I was stupid, and I was lazy,

1766
01:25:43,320 --> 01:25:47,688
and I took you, the only woman
I've ever been in love with,

1767
01:25:47,690 --> 01:25:51,227
I took you for granted, just like a...

1768
01:25:51,229 --> 01:25:53,030
An asshole.

1769
01:25:54,297 --> 01:25:55,831
And I'm sorry, Morgan.

1770
01:25:57,135 --> 01:26:00,268
But assholes can learn.

1771
01:26:00,270 --> 01:26:04,974
And I think, in a positive
way, our love has been tested.

1772
01:26:04,976 --> 01:26:10,112
Not unlike Aladdin in the Thunder Cave,

1773
01:26:10,114 --> 01:26:15,553
or even Willy Wonka when
he was giving food away

1774
01:26:15,555 --> 01:26:17,586
- to the homeless.
- What?

1775
01:26:17,588 --> 01:26:19,855
He's getting Wonka all wrong.

1776
01:26:22,659 --> 01:26:25,962
Oh, Grady. I'm sorry, too.

1777
01:26:26,431 --> 01:26:27,897
(SIGHS)

1778
01:26:29,601 --> 01:26:31,969
Look, I do know one thing.

1779
01:26:31,971 --> 01:26:35,939
Sometimes you have to
completely lose somebody

1780
01:26:35,941 --> 01:26:39,509
before you can really
appreciate what they mean to you.

1781
01:26:42,882 --> 01:26:45,716
Fucker.

1782
01:26:45,718 --> 01:26:48,586
- I'm almost impressed right now.
- Oh, don't be.

1783
01:26:48,588 --> 01:26:50,688
Grady subconsciously knew what I was doing.

1784
01:26:50,690 --> 01:26:52,323
- You think?
- Yeah.

1785
01:26:52,325 --> 01:26:54,761
He's too mule-headed to
come see her on his own,

1786
01:26:54,763 --> 01:26:56,794
so I just gave him an
excuse rooted in an emotion

1787
01:26:56,796 --> 01:27:00,333
he's comfortable expressing.
Blind, vengeful fury.

1788
01:27:00,335 --> 01:27:02,400
Hmm.

1789
01:27:02,402 --> 01:27:05,003
On second thought, that is pretty
impressive. Admire me accordingly.

1790
01:27:05,005 --> 01:27:06,673
- (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)
- (CHUCKLES)

1791
01:27:09,277 --> 01:27:11,175
(SIGHS)

1792
01:27:11,177 --> 01:27:14,947
Well, as Mary Poppins and a
paraphrased Jesus once said,

1793
01:27:16,183 --> 01:27:17,850
"My work here is done."

1794
01:27:19,354 --> 01:27:20,821
Goodbye, Hannah.

1795
01:27:21,956 --> 01:27:22,955
Bye.

1796
01:27:22,957 --> 01:27:25,058
- You're welcome.
- What?

1797
01:27:35,371 --> 01:27:36,869
Hey!

1798
01:27:36,871 --> 01:27:37,770
Oh.

1799
01:27:37,772 --> 01:27:39,905
We wanted to thank him.

1800
01:27:39,907 --> 01:27:41,839
Yeah, well, it'll have to wait.

1801
01:27:41,841 --> 01:27:46,112
He's on to his next adventure. Or whatever.

1802
01:27:46,114 --> 01:27:50,918
He seems different
somehow. Like, I don't know.

1803
01:27:50,920 --> 01:27:53,487
Like a big, beautiful condor

1804
01:27:53,489 --> 01:27:57,457
that people will respect and fear.

1805
01:27:57,459 --> 01:28:01,661
"I can't believe that used
to be Stensland," they'll say.

1806
01:28:01,663 --> 01:28:04,899
"I can't believe that
used to be Stensland."

1807
01:28:08,278 --> 01:28:13,278
Subtitles by explosiveskull

1808
01:28:17,280 --> 01:28:18,713
(MUSIC PLAYING)

1809
01:28:25,321 --> 01:28:26,854
♪ Hi, everybody

1810
01:28:26,856 --> 01:28:28,690
♪ I'm Archie Bell of the Drells

1811
01:28:28,692 --> 01:28:30,326
♪ Of Houston, Texas

1812
01:28:30,328 --> 01:28:32,727
♪ We don't only sing but we dance

1813
01:28:32,729 --> 01:28:34,395
♪ Just as good as we walk

1814
01:28:34,397 --> 01:28:35,699
♪ In Houston

1815
01:28:35,701 --> 01:28:37,633
♪ We just started a new dance

1816
01:28:37,635 --> 01:28:39,334
♪ Called the tighten up

1817
01:28:39,336 --> 01:28:41,772
♪ This is the music
we tighten up with

1818
01:28:44,041 --> 01:28:46,210
♪ First tighten up on the drums

1819
01:28:47,478 --> 01:28:49,845
♪ Come on now, drummer

1820
01:28:49,847 --> 01:28:51,915
♪ I want you to
tighten it up for me now

1821
01:28:52,683 --> 01:28:53,883
♪ Oh, yeah

1822
01:28:54,952 --> 01:28:56,754
♪ Tighten up on that bass now

1823
01:28:57,755 --> 01:28:59,489
♪ Tighten it up

1824
01:28:59,491 --> 01:29:01,725
♪ Ha, ha, yeah

1825
01:29:01,727 --> 01:29:03,661
♪ Now let that guitar fall in

1826
01:29:06,430 --> 01:29:07,630
♪ Oh, yeah

1827
01:29:10,202 --> 01:29:11,203
♪ Oh, yeah

1828
01:29:14,540 --> 01:29:16,006
♪ Tighten up on that organ now

1829
01:29:19,746 --> 01:29:21,614
♪ Yeah, you do the tighten up

1830
01:29:22,314 --> 01:29:23,847
♪ Yeah, now

1831
01:29:23,849 --> 01:29:25,784
♪ I said, "If you can do it now

1832
01:29:27,019 --> 01:29:28,785
♪ "It sure would be tough"

1833
01:29:28,787 --> 01:29:30,420
♪ Now look here

1834
01:29:30,422 --> 01:29:32,724
♪ Come on now Now make it mellow

1835
01:29:35,628 --> 01:29:37,661
♪ Let's tighten it up now

1836
01:29:37,663 --> 01:29:39,562
♪ Do the tighten up

1837
01:29:39,564 --> 01:29:41,665
♪ Everybody can do it now

1838
01:29:41,667 --> 01:29:43,033
♪ So get to it

1839
01:29:43,035 --> 01:29:45,036
♪ We're gonna tighten up

1840
01:29:45,038 --> 01:29:47,305
♪ Let's do the tighten up

1841
01:29:47,307 --> 01:29:48,840
♪ You can do it now

1842
01:29:48,842 --> 01:29:50,876
♪ So, baby, get to it

1843
01:29:50,878 --> 01:29:52,777
♪ Look to your left now

1844
01:29:52,779 --> 01:29:53,979
♪ Look to your right

1845
01:30:10,999 --> 01:30:14,333
♪ Tighten it up You can get it

1846
01:30:14,335 --> 01:30:16,135
♪ Move to your left

1847
01:30:16,137 --> 01:30:18,072
♪ Move to your right

1848
01:30:18,074 --> 01:30:19,838
♪ Tighten it up now

1849
01:30:19,840 --> 01:30:21,741
♪ Everything will be outta sight

1850
01:30:21,743 --> 01:30:23,810
♪ Come on and tighten it up

1851
01:30:23,812 --> 01:30:25,644
♪ Tighten it up now

1852
01:30:25,646 --> 01:30:27,180
♪ You can do it ♪

1853
01:32:53,300 --> 01:32:55,001
(LAUGHING)

1854
01:32:56,706 --> 01:32:57,873
That is delightful and witty.

1855
01:32:57,875 --> 01:32:59,475
I know.