kingblackchad, aka michael, love letter to milo/miley

My message to you Milo
By Michael
You deserve this much to know how I feel truly and this isn’t kingblackchad the persona talking to you this is michael the real me. I don’t know if your true name is Milo or not but you will always be milo/miley to me even if it isn’t. I also am just gonna say this that I enjoyed the pet name or nickname you gave me even if you didn’t mean it but it was called “choccy” I enjoyed that you called me that and it made me happy to see that you made that for me.
Anyways here it is I suppose:

I’m not sure how to start this but I guess I’ll just start it. I’m not sure if you think I’m being ironic or if you think I’m being unironic about my love for you but I’ll settle the score now I didn’t get fully in love until recently I’d say I got fully in love with you when you joined both my servers so a few days ago but I started to catch feelings a little bit maybe 1-3 weeks after talking and it continued to get stronger and stronger slowly from there but since I’m a dumbass I said I loved you and I sperged out I’ll admit that. To top that off I got my friends to message you which was stupid as fuck because it annoyed you and made you mad and because I’m blocked because of it even though you did the same thing but still I was wrong I’ll admit it. If that’s the reason why you blocked me I regret it even more. The reason why I did it was because I was missing you and our conversations because I enjoyed them so much and I just wanted to talk to you like we used to talk before I found out it was a “ruse.” It’s been a month of us going back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. I’m not even joking but this whole month of my contact with you has been great even if you hate me or whatever the fuck. It has also changed me for the better.  I enjoy even when you talk shit about me for some reason and I enjoy when you join the voice calls and I can hear your voice even if it isn’t directed towards me. I’m not sure why you stay in my servers and talk about me maybe you don’t have feelings for me maybe you do or maybe you are just bored and don’t give a fuck about me. Whatever reason I don’t know. But that isn’t the point of this message the point of this message is to prove to you I have unironic feelings for you and I’m not rusing you like most guys who’ve said this before. I think you are beautiful as fuck and I enjoyed our conversations even the small shitty ones. I’ll probably never be able to webcam with you ever in life again or even talk to you again but I wish I could. I wish I could invent a time machine to go back in time just to relive those experiences over and over. Even if we started off as friends or whatever the fuck and see how that went. But I know sadly that may never happen I still thought you deserved to hear this message. I doubt you’ll even read all of this but I want you to know that you aren’t ugly at least not in my mind if my opinion is even relevant at this point. And I hate it when you say you are or agree with others that you are it makes me mad as fuck because I don’t think you are. I don’t think you are a bad person either because I did the same shit too to other people so it was bound to happen to me. I see the good in you I see that you are intelligent funny and a enjoyable person to be around even when you rused me and of course very beautiful and I’m not mad at you at all considering I actually do love you at this point. My feelings are real the conversations we had were real I know you’ll say it was a ruse or whatever but I felt emotion on webcam and in our conversations but maybe I’m wrong. Even if you don’t ever want to talk to me directly I don’t even care about that at this point the mere fact you are in both my servers makes me smile and somewhat happy. I don’t even know why I’m writing this because I know you’ll say I’m obsessed or insane or whatever the fuck but I have to spill my emotions and guts on the table at least…. Hell I even enjoyed it when you said meh or wagwan or whatever the fuck even though I claimed I didn’t. I enjoyed your vocabulary and the interesting slang and words you had. I enjoyed your voice and the way you talked to me on webcam.  I made poor mistakes and I regret them. You didn’t deserve any of it or any of this. And I’m sorry that those people in your past treated you like shit. I didn’t want to treat you like shit I wanted to give you all the love I could give but sadly you rejected it for whatever reason I don’t know once again. I’ll still love you until I find another female and even then I’ll love you as a friend if you never talk to me ever again at least. I will admit your rusings and various other shit you did did help me become a stronger person and showed me not to trust people as easily and I’m not being sarcastic so I thank you for that. Even if I felt love or some happiness for a few weeks to a month at least I felt it. I wanted to make you happy and I still do but if you hate me I can’t really do anything about that y’know? I accept your “flaws” your “issues” your “mental illness” all of it because I have similar flaws and issues and I don’t see them as flaws or issues. I see it as strength as the ability to handle something normal people wouldn’t be able to handle in years. I see it as wisdom to be able to learn from your issues and mistakes and do better. I don’t hate you and never will even if I stop loving you in a intimate way but I don’t think I will at least not yet. I never leaked your logs I think I sent some stuff to some people but mostly for advice I think I sent some personal shit you said like once or twice after you rused me which I also regret. What people made me realize and it makes sense and I don’t know if you were hinting this but in the “trans” poem. Even though you claim you got it on deviantart (you could’ve) but I’m not so sure about that well anyways you said this and I quote:
i daydream of the day
i get to be your girlfriend
and make you smile and laugh in person.
i daydream of the day
i can wake with you next to me
and smile at me,
to tell me "good morning beautiful",
and treat me
as the good woman that god failed
to turn me into.
but to love
is to suffer
and i have made you suffer so,
so instead of coming clean
i accidentally let you go.
What others have pointed out and I noticed too was “and treat me as the good woman that god failed to turn me into”. It made me realize it isn’t about being trans but it’s about you thinking you are a bad person. I could be wrong and you could’ve gotten this off deviantart and not even have feelings but I’m risking it. Secondly in the poem you say “but to love is to suffer and I have made you suffer so so instead of coming clean I accidentally let you go.” I’m not sure if you were hinting about the ruse but you didn’t make me suffer and you didn’t let me go because I will always be here and also  you made me stronger even if you think you are a bad person I do not think this and never will think this. I think you are a great person and nothing about you bothers me. I enjoy our conversations and the time we spent together honestly and hopefully maybe you’ll allow me to talk to you again but who knows at this point. And I know you have a boyfriend or whatever but I saw you talking in front of me about how he’s insecure and various other things and I’m not trying to ruin that or break that up or whatever the fuck. You even said or someone said (I won’t say his name due to respect) that you were “trading up” nah fuck that he’s trading up he’s lucky to be with someone as great and as beautiful as you and if he doesn’t think so he’s a fucking dumbass from the way you were talking it seems like he’s fucking that up(maybe I’m wrong who knows.)  I just want to know are you truly happy with him does he really understand you as much as I do(maybe I’m wrong about understanding you more than him but it seems like I understand you really really well.)  and does he REALLY make you happy and do you REALLY enjoy his conversations and does he REALLY love you? And do you REALLY love him?  That’s something to think about honestly like I said I’m not trying to break you two up because that would be selfish. And I want you to be happy with me or without me in your life.  But I saw you talk about how it’s getting complicated and he’s getting insecure so this is why I ask in this message. And I’m not even gonna lie I tried to talk to several other women to move on but they aren’t you it’s not the fucking same. They don’t understand me on the level that I understand you(I think I understand you but maybe I’m wrong once again) and I don’t understand them on the level you understand me. I can’t have “boring conversations” (even though none of our conversations are boring to me.) But I mean I can’t have conversations with them about cheerios and shit and enjoy it like I do with you. I could literally talk to you about anything and still enjoy it and it could make me smile. I can’t do that with them I’ve tried. You are the most unique female I’ve met and the only person that “btfo’d” or “owned” me and was able to intellectually demolish me. I never met someone like that and I’m glad you did because I was on a bad path of trolling and fucking with people. When you did that it gave me a reality check and it made me realize I need to stop this before it gets out of hand. You have helped me in so many ways you can’t even imagine even if you didn’t intentionally try to you did. You have helped my confidence my self esteem the ability to deal with hard issues and problems in my life you have helped me understand that I shouldn’t give a fuck what people say. You have helped me understand that there are women out there that’ll love me unironically (if you don’t or you didn’t you still helped me understand that) You made me stronger mentally and gave me more happiness that I’ve had in years relationship wise. You did all these things and you aren’t a bad person you are a great person and a beautiful women. I don’t care what people say of how you are ugly or you are a nigger or you are a sheboon or whatever the fuck. Those things aren’t true AT ALL.  I don’t think any of these things and all of that shit is not true. And if we talk again hopefully I can eventually convince you that you are godtier in looks and personality. Anyways if you gotten this far I’m glad you did I’m glad you took the time to read this and somewhat give a fuck about my feelings I don’t know if you’d admit that you read this far but hopefully you did. I’m not sure if you like my poems or not but I know I loved yours to the point in which you got me back into rapping and into writing poems again which I thank you for helping me get back on my creative side even if you didn’t intentionally do that once again. But here’s a poem I wrote well I just thought of just now:
My heart erupts like hot lava for you.
My brain explodes like a ticking time bomb for you.
Even if you say I can’t never hit.
Even if you always treat me like shit.
I will always love you to some degree
You are beautiful on the inside and out to me.
No matter how many people say you aren’t
That’s their perception but baby you are a work of art
You’ve made me smile you’ve made me sad
You’ve made me happy and you made me learn not to give a damn
You’ve helped me in so many ways you can’t even imagine
I’d travel the ends of the earth just to find you
To say you matter to say your life matters
To say you're beautiful to say your not a challenge
To say your flaws don’t matter and they aren’t flaws to me
To show you that your strength is really my key
Because you're stronger than me mentally and emotionally
You handle things so much easily
But I know on the inside you are hurting
That you feel like crashing and burning
That you feel like running away and deserting
But I’d like to say you should never fear
Cause I care
I care about everything you say
I care about your tears and want to wash them away
I care about your problems and want to hear you say to me
How was your day then I’ll say how was your day
Then we’ll have a conversation for hours
Even when bad shit happens and turns sour
I’ll always be there for you regardless of what others say
People might say we are bad people we are this and that
But I know that isn’t true because I see the good in you
And hopefully pretty soon you’ll see the good in me
I see the side of you others don’t see
I see the kindness in your heart and it blossoms like a tree
I see the good in your heart that no one else sees
And maybe someday everyone else will see
Your everywhere including in my dreams
When I saw you for the first time it was like watching an actress on a movie screen
Even if you don’t talk to me forever you make my heart warm like a sweater
You made me feel things I ain’t feel in years
Or maybe never
I never hated you regardless of what others said or I said
I always loved you and always will somewhat until I’m dead
Even if you deny me or my friendship you’ll still have a place in my heart
You’ll still move my feelings around like parting the sea like it was Red
I know you probably won’t read this but hopefully you do.
If you made it this far maybe you’ll reconsider too
Maybe we’ll be friends and talk for a few
And could it become something more who knows but you?
Who knows the truth but us?
I’m not gonna make a fuss or get stuck if you say no to being my friend or being more
And stop giving a fuck
That’s not me and I’ll always care about you to some degree
You're in my mind and heart forever to some degree miley so if you say no rest in peace
To our relationship


That was the poem I just made for you which I put actual effort in and thought about what to say before I said or wrote it. It’s not perfect but that was the best I could do being tired at 6:30am. I can’t think of anything else to say so on a closing note I’ll say even if you don’t read any of this even if you read a little bit of it even if you do be my friend or it turned into something more even if it never did and you always hate me forever or you don’t I will always find you beautiful, intelligent and funny and your conversations as enjoyable and you will always make me happy and smile and you are a good person regardless of what people say and even if you don’t believe that I love you or any of this shit at least believe that you are a beautiful woman who is a good person that regardless of her flaws she is strong and intelligent and funny as well. I’ll always love you to some degree even if you don’t feel the same as me because you showed me several different things in my life I needed to fix and have made me a better person and have made me stronger because of it you showed me flaws I needed to fix (I fixed a lot of these issues I was dealing with thanks to you <3) and work on as a person and I thank you for it.
Sincerely
 Michael or “choccy” <3
You will always be in my heart to some degree milo/miley <3