Matters Of The Heart (ch3)

EARLY RELEASE FOR HIGHER-PLEDGING PATRONS!

I thought people might not guess the secret of the chapter titles until this one, but most of you got it already! Yes, they will be named after the Five Stages of Grief, and for good reason.

Disclaimer: I do not own Little Witch Academia.

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													Chapter 3. Bargaining

The following day, Akko and Diana go through a very similar routine.

They begin the morning with the usual breathing exercises. When she can, Diana gets used to drinking from a glass she herself is now able to hold without spilling it. She also makes an effort at using her voice a little more.

By noontime, Diana is able to hold brief conversations with Akko before requiring the use of the mask again. And when they can, they even dare to sneak in a few kisses when their nurse is absent. But Akko is very certain to keep them light and soft; she doesn't want to hinder Diana's breath any more than is necessary.

She continuously lets Diana know how proud she is of her progress.

However, when it's time for Akko to eat her lunch, she can't help but feel guilty, as all Diana gets are more supplements and pills. That's all she's gotten for over a week now, and her body is significantly weakened due to a lack of proper nourishment, on top of everything else that's ailing her. Even from where she sits on her own bed, Akko can still hear the poor girl's stomach growling.

Therefore, she brings her tray of food over to Diana and sits beside her on her bed instead. Diana removes her mask herself now and agrees to try eating a little.

They start very easily. Akko opens up a cup of heated soup and blows off a spoonful to cool it for her. Once it's ready, she holds it to Diana's lips expectantly.

"This should be all right. It's just basically more drinking practice."

Diana sips it down daintily. Before now, she'd never really appreciated something as common as the flavor of vegetable soup. But it does wonders not only for her throat, but for her stomach as well.

Akko swallows a spoonful for herself, then gives the next to Diana. When Diana needs the mask again, Akko waits for her before they continue.

In this manner, they finish off the soup together. Akko reaches for Diana's hand and covers it with her own.

"Are you okay? How do you feel?"

Diana offers her a small smile.

"I am all right."

"Okay. Do you wanna try something a little more solid?"

"I do."

So Akko picks up a piece of bread. She eats the crust herself and saves the soft, white inside for Diana. Though Akko kind of enjoys feeding Diana, she refrains this time and lets Diana do it herself.

Her arms don't shake quite as much anymore, but her fingers haven't done much these past few days other than interlock with Akko's. Diana gets used to remembering how to use them, how to grip and tug at the bread to break it into smaller, more manageable pieces. She eats almost all of it, then washes it down with more water before replacing her mask for a moment.

And Akko is just bubbling with relief.

"I'm so glad..." She can't help but lean in to hug Diana again, a little more tightly than she has been doing up until now.

But she doesn't want to overwhelm Diana's stomach. She knows she is probably still hungry, but she doesn't want to make her ill. She doesn't want to think about how dangerous it could be for Diana to throw up in her current condition.

So Akko apologizes for that and kisses her cheek, but Diana understands very well.

They take things easy for the rest of the evening, simply sitting next to one another and talking as much as they can.

Akko has been trying to avoid talking about what happened. She mainly tries to keep the topics on spells they'd learned in classes two weeks ago and things of that nature.

But eventually, there's nothing left to talk about.

As the twilight seeps in through the curtains, Diana turns her head and removes her mask. Even before she says it with her voice, Akko can read it in her eyes.

"Akko... what exactly... happened to me...?"

Diana hates to ask this of her. She knows it must put Akko through hell to recall those horrible events. Akko had already told her some details the day before. But there's more Diana needs to know. She believes talking about it, and acknowledging how real it is, will eventually help the both of them come to accept it.

So Akko holds her hand and threads their fingers together as she recounts everything.

She tells Diana of how the sorcerer pierced and poisoned her, how Akko herself had carried her to the professors, and how they had used a rather forbidden strand of magic in order to save her. It had taken five of the most skilled professors, including the Headmistress herself, to do it.

Akko's already crying by this point.

"And I... I c-couldn't do anything... to help you..."

Diana clutches her hand.

"Nonsense," she whispers. "Akko, if not for you... I do not think I would have survived."

"B-But it happened because of me-!"

"Hush." Sternly, Diana bores her gaze into Akko's. "Do not blame yourself for this, Akko. It was not your fault."

Diana opens her arm invitingly, and Akko sinks into her side, crying heavily. Diana pats her back for her as best she can, idly combing through her hair. She only needs to reapply her mask once before Akko straightens herself up again.

At the very least, Akko is highly grateful for the fact that Diana's heart rate hasn't altered at all today. Nothing has happened to warrant it speeding up or slowing down too badly.

But the murmur remains, as it always will.

Akko shakes her head. She doesn't want to think about that right now...

"Y'know..." she sniffles. "E-Even though you... you got hurt so badly... at the time you... you still managed to say something to me b-before you..." She doesn't finish the thought.

This news surprises Diana, and she tilts her head a little.

"Truthfully? I cannot recall anything from that incident."

"I th-think you were just... in so much pain y-you... probably weren't thinking clearly... You just said whatever was on your mind..."

Diana nods.

"Whatever it was, I am sure that I meant it."

But she leaves it at that. She doesn't want to ask Akko what it was she herself had said back then for fear it might cause the brunette more distress. So Diana is fine with not knowing. It isn't important, in any case.

They sit side by side for a while longer, until Diana lets out a yawn. Akko chuckles and gently pats her stomach for her.

"Sleepy?"

"...Perhaps a bit."

"Okay. Let's go to sleep, then. We did a lot today."

She kisses Diana's cheek one last time before making a move to get up. But before she can leave, Diana reaches out to hold onto her wrist.

"Akko."

"Hm? What's up?"

Diana waves her closer, and Akko dips her torso down. Diana holds her gaze for a moment, then smiles.

"I do not think I have ever noticed... just how beautiful your eyes are."

And she can't understand right away why Akko breaks down crying in her lap.

Only after ten more minutes when Akko can speak again does she tell her why.

"That's... what you told me before..."

But all the while, she's smiling.

Because Diana has said it this time without knowing of the last time she'd said it.

And this time, she is all right.

Akko gives her one more kiss, then urges her to put on her mask for the night. She retreats to the bathroom to clean up, then to her own bed to lie down.

Nurse Isabella enters and draws the curtain so she may wash Diana off and assist her with personal hygiene. When she's finished, Akko hears the woman's benevolent voice.

"You're doing so well, Miss Cavendish. I'm glad."

And Akko blushes at Diana's response.

"It is mainly because of Akko."

The nurse checks Diana's fluids and monitor, then wishes them both goodnight before turning off the main lights and exiting.

Akko calls out one last "good night" to Diana, who whispers it back to her before replacing her mask.

Akko watches as the other girl closes her eyes, and her chest deflates with a long sigh. She listens until Diana's heart rate has dropped to its resting speed, which Akko has also long-since memorized.

Only then does she close her eyes and invite sleep to come.

. . .

Diana doesn't know what's happening.

All she knows is that one second, there is nothing but the calm, unconsciousness of sleep.

And then-

She's burning.

Flames of the most excruciating agony ignite in her chest without warning in a split second, forcing her awake against her will. The sheer magnitude of the pain assaulting her is enough to jolt her body into motion she never intended.

She bolts upright, something she isn't supposed to do, but she doesn't have any other choice. The sudden motion sends the breathing mask falling uselessly off the side of the bed. Her hands fly to her chest, clutching aimlessly at the robes and the searing pain that's pounding beneath them. A cold sweat coats her skin in seconds, but it does nothing to douse the agonizing heat that's burning her skin from the inside out.

She can't breathe. It feels like thousands of searing iron stakes are being stabbed through her chest repeatedly and violently.

Over and over.

Her heart is in a frenzy. All she can feel is its erratic, thundering beat pounding through every vein in her body. All she can hear is the splitting, hard throbbing against her skull, and the screeching of the monitor behind her.

Every inch of her is on fire. But still, her body trembles, shuddering in spasms she knows she can't afford to be having.

But she can't stop it.

At the time of the sorcerer's attack, she couldn't remember feeling anything. Only numbness.

But now...

Now she can feel.

Everything.

The burning spikes seemingly pierce her through, then yank themselves out, and repeat the process with every deafening beat of her terrified heart. Her mouth hangs open in a silent scream of pain that never makes a sound.

Her nails claw desperately at her chest, enough to leave red crescent-shaped marks across her collar. She tries to cancel out the pain with more pain. Maybe it will all just end if she can tear her own heart out.

She can't take it. She knows she's going to die.

Every part of her body is seizing, burning, throbbing, with her heart at the epicenter of it all.

In only seconds, in a violent assault, all of this bombards her at once.

And in only seconds, Akko wakes to the frightening sounds. She can't tear the blankets off herself and scramble out of bed to reach her side quickly enough.

"Diana!"

Akko doesn't debate for a second whether or not this is real. She wishes it were a dream.

Diana's heart monitor is beeping so quickly now it almost sounds like one continuous flatline warning. In contrast, Diana herself is horribly silent and still, frozen in a perpetual torment she can't even comprehend.

Akko knows every second is another one Diana can't afford to lose.

She needs to be rational about this. This isn't just Diana waking from a bad nightmare. This is something much worse, something that's physically harming her.

Akko rushes to the other side of the bed, where Diana's intravenous wire is barely still clinging onto the inside of her wrist. And despite her own crushing panic, Akko can see, even in the darkness of the room, what has caused this.

Her dosage of painkillers has run out.

Akko wants to call out for help, but now she finds her voice isn't working.

She had seen the nurse do this before.

So Akko can only fumble for the correct bag of fluids before hooking it up properly. She watches with tears streaming down her face as the fluid makes its way through the clear wire, and slips back into Diana's wrist.

Akko hauls herself up onto the bed beside Diana and throws her arms around her, her grip tight and desperate to combat the small spasms tearing through her.

"D-Diana-"

She knows she herself had been shaking before. But now, as she presses close to Diana, she can't feel anything that isn't hers.

She feels Diana's shaking, Diana's fever, Diana's heart.

Everything attacking her all at once is so poignant, so hurtful, so violent...

Only when the new flow of painkillers seeps back into her system does Akko feel her begin to gasp for breath that's hardly coming. Her chest shudders from the vicious tremors, and her entire body all but convulses with spasms.

It's all Akko can do to squeeze her around the small of her back. She feels it's the only way to keep Diana from falling apart.

Akko's voice tumbles out, a tiny, weak plea that's drowned out by the screeching of the monitor.

"Oh g-gosh... oh gosh..."

She doesn't know what else she can do for her. She can only hold her and cry and pray. Akko can't even feel her own pulse anymore. All she can feel is Diana's.

Her heart is slamming against her chest, so much so that Akko truly fears it might reopen her wound and cause it to start bleeding. Her entire body jolts with every jarring beat of it.

It is wild. Furious. Rampant.

Akko feels it reverberating throughout her own body, and every beat is another shockwave of pain through Diana's chest.

Akko is at a loss. She can't move anymore. She's frozen in her terror. Just like last time.

Only now, she can't even manage to run for help. All she can do is pray.

She feels the heat wafting off Diana's skin, and the hot tears spilling down both their faces do nothing to douse that fire. Her heartbeat palpitates more than ten times every three seconds, and her body seizes slightly with each one.

The sounds of her frantic arrhythmia fill the room as Akko feels it firsthand for herself. She just presses closer, hoping the pressure of her chest against Diana's heart will keep it inside her body where it's supposed to be.

Akko sobs into her shoulder, clinging desperately to her back, choking out the only words she can remember.

"B-Breathe... y-y-you've guh-gotta breathe... Diana...please..."

She's never been more terrified in all her life. Not even when Diana had been impaled by the sorcerer.

At the time, all of that had felt surreal, like she'd been stuck in a nightmare, only partially aware and able to feel.

But now it's different.

Akko knows every second is real.

And she knows all the pain she is experiencing now isn't even a fraction of the agony Diana is suffering.

Somewhere throughout all of this, Diana has gone all but limp against her chest. She's shaking far too badly to be able to move in any way. But Akko can still feel her heart pounding, can still feel her sides heaving as she tries to breathe. Diana's collar is soaked with a mixture of both their tears.

But past the taste of salt and sweat clinging to the roof of Akko's mouth, she can smell something else.

Blood.

Diana's blood.

She knows it is Diana's.

She's smelled it before – almost all of it at once – and she knows she'll never be able to forget that scent for as long as she lives.

For an instant, she's back in that cavern, and Diana is bleeding out in her arms. She may not be bleeding this time, but the threat to her life is just as serious.

Akko fights to open her eyes, and at first all she sees are the silver waves of Diana's frazzled hair and the white fabrics of her ruffled robes.

But then she sees red.

Tiny scratch marks Diana herself had inflicted.

Akko sobs, chokes it down, and then bumps her lips against the wounds to cover them.

"S-Shhh..." she whispers. "D-Dia...na..."

She doesn't know if she's doing any good anymore. But she can discern that the intensity of Diana's pulse has begun to decrease by now, though the rapidity remains.

Akko caresses her hair, neck, back – wherever she can. She rubs up and down her heaving sides as slowly as she can.

Slow. That's what she needs.

"J-Just slow down..." she begs. "S-Slow your breathing... slow your heart... breathe..."

The words fall out of her mouth in choppy little strings, thick with emotion. She's hiccuping so hard she can barely talk, but somehow the words find their way up her throat.

She kisses Diana's collar over and over, keeping their chests firmly pressed together. She shares her own pulse with Diana, willing her to calm down until they match.

Akko eases back only a few inches, cradling Diana's head in her hands in order to guide their lips together.

Akko only kisses her for a split second, gently pushing air into her lungs. She pulls back, then repeats the process.

Over and over.

She kisses her, then lets her breathe.

In this manner, Akko gains control of Diana's breathing, and consequently, her heart. She controls the pace, and slows it down.

It takes a long, long time. It's a miracle Diana is even still conscious through it all.

But the painkillers must have taken affect by now, because the pounding in her body isn't quite so violent anymore, as far as Akko can tell. Her skin is still soaked with perspiration, but the overall temperature of it has gone down, bit by bit.

Akko kisses her until she herself is breathless.

But by this point, Diana has regained some semblance of control over her own lungs. Though the mask has fallen off, she still manages to breathe somehow.

Only now does Akko feel she can pull away long enough to grab the mask and bring it back up. She slips it into place over Diana's lips and rubs her chest in slow, soothing circles.

"Breathe... r-remember? In... Out... Y-You can... you can do it..."

Diana hasn't opened her eyes since she'd slumped into Akko's arms. Even now, her eyelids are sealed shut due to the tight pain in her head.

Akko rubs her back and her chest, then begins to trail kisses across her collar. She slips one hand onto Diana's left side to keep track of her heart rate, no longer willing to trust the monitor.

Akko measures Diana's pulse for herself, continuing her slow ministrations for close to half an hour.

Only after such a seemingly-endless amount of time does Diana's heart rate return to a pace that's as close to normal as it can get. The extra beat of her arrhythmia still disrupts the overall rhythm, but Akko can't feel her pulse hammering through every part of Diana's body anymore.

She pulls her in once again and simply holds her.

Akko had stopped crying a while ago, because she'd realized it wasn't doing either of them any good. Now, she is calm and collected, because she knows that whatever she feels will project itself and have an effect on Diana.

When Akko gives off waves of fear and distress, Diana's body absorbs and feeds off of that. But when Akko's panic subsides, so does Diana's.

Akko just holds her, running her hands up and down her sides, her back, her shoulders, through her hair, caressing her face.

At long last, Akko feels that everything about Diana's condition has come back to the way it was before she'd fallen asleep that evening. Her pulse has dropped, her breathing has slowed, and overall, everything is quieter.

There's always that lingering fear in the back of Akko's mind that Diana's heart could suddenly come to a stop altogether. But she pushes the thoughts away. Rather than lose her mind in a fabricated reality, she chooses to remain in this one.

The one where Diana is.

The one where Diana still needs her.

She loses track of time as she holds her, continuing to feel her breathing and listen to her heartbeat. She'd thought Diana had passed out a while ago, be it from fatigue, shock, or pain.

But now, Akko is dismayed when she realizes Diana has been conscious through every second of it.

She feels Diana shift her arms from where they'd previously been hanging loosely around Akko's shoulders. But before Akko can react, Diana pulls off her mask.

With a yelp, Akko grabs her hand and stops her.

"D-Diana! You can't! You have to-!"

"H-He's..."

The broken rasp of Diana's withering voice causes Akko to stop and listen. She knows Diana wouldn't do something as dangerous as this if she didn't absolutely have to.

Diana draws in another feeble breath and tries again.

"He's... h-here..."

Her voice is meek, thin, almost inaudible. But it's laced with the worst kind of fear.

Akko knows who she is referring to.

But she shakes her head, wipes Diana's tears again, and then gingerly puts the mask back where it needs to be.

"No he's not," Akko murmurs. "He isn't here, Diana. You just... your body can still feel the effects of the poison. But he isn't here. You're safe, Diana. I promise. I promise."

And it takes time.

A little more time.

But Diana opts to believe her.

Akko has never lied to her before, even when it would've been better for her to.

And she's right.

When Diana takes the extra breath to calm herself, the rational part of her mind kicks in at last.

There's no one else here.

Only Akko.

Diana's voice rises up in a thin, cracked wail. She buries her fingers in Akko's back, drawing her closer, begging her to stay.

Akko never intended to do anything else.

She keeps her arms firmly locked around Diana, kissing her again and again, softly and softer.

By the time the atmosphere has finally settled, Akko is relieved that she can't feel Diana's pulse quite so easily anymore.

It's still there – thankfully – thrumming against her own chest. But it isn't painful anymore; it's just as it should be. Akko counts the beats in her head until the extra one passes exactly as it should.

At last, she's finally able to believe the danger has passed.

Diana breathes steadily in her arms for several long minutes. Akko rubs her sides gently as she feels her ribs expand, delicate yet certain, even without the mask.

But she can tell Diana's consciousness is slipping. This was all too much for her. Her sobs become little hiccups that eventually dwindle and ebb into silence. But Akko feels her hands curl defiantly into her back, and Diana's voice whimpers in her ear.

"Ah... Akko-"

"Shh... It's okay..." Akko presses another kiss to her cheek. "It's okay. I promise..." Carefully, Akko eases back, supporting all of Diana's weight in her arms. "Sleep, Diana. You've gotta rest."

Slowly – slowly – she lies her back down onto the pillows. Diana struggles against the weight in her eyelids and forces them back up, just for a second. Akko doesn't miss the fear creeping back into her gaze. Akko wipes Diana's fresh tears first, then the dried trails of her own.

"Don't worry," she whispers. "I'm not leaving. I'm gonna stay with you."

Bracing her weight on her palms, she leans down over Diana and kisses her brow, coaxing her to close her eyes. Once she does, Akko kisses her eyelids as well, then travels down to her lips one last time.

Finally, Akko moves herself to one side of the bed. She ensures Diana is covered by the blankets as much as possible, but lays herself down on top of the sheets. Akko pulls up the breathing mask and puts it in place over her mouth, then curls herself up at Diana's side.

She rests her head beside Diana's and turns herself onto her side. She drapes her arm over Diana's stomach and moves her hand in slow, meticulous motions.

Akko watches over her for a long time, listening to the sounds of the monitor, but the pace never alters again that night.

Her thoughts don't calm down all the while.

She'd thought Diana would be able to get better soon. They'd made so much progress these past few days. She'd gotten so much stronger...

But this nightmarish incident only served to remind Akko that Diana isn't as strong as they'd both like to believe. Now, her body can't handle most things she'd once found to be so ordinary.

Akko swears she won't overestimate Diana's abilities – even if Diana's mind is stubborn and certain, Akko needs to pay attention to what her heart can handle.

By now, Akko has no tears left to shed.

She doesn't know how much time passes before she finally closes her eyes.

She knows tomorrow is going to be arduous for the both of them.

But she's going to help Diana through it.

No matter what.

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A/N: The reason Akko blames herself for what happened to Diana is because in this AU, Akko had previously used the Shiny Arc on the sorcerer and injured him. As such, he wants revenge for that, and that's the main reason he attacks Diana. Neon will be posting art for it later on tumblr!