Desert Elves Shootout

>I was hanging out in a small town in Southern Arizona with my posse, about 25 men
>We're orc hunters by trade
>Desert elves roll into town one day practically wearing coats made out of orc scalps
>Local tribe, folk around town kinda know them but they mostly stick to themselves from what I gather, only coming in occasionally to drop off a handful of scalps and drop by the liquor store for some cheap whiskey or tequila
>This time is different
>Nine of them, deeply tanned and dressed like extras from some low budget cowboy movie
>Most of them are using some pretty strange guns for orc hunters too, lever actions, revolvers, ones got a Winchester shotgun sawed off at the barrel and stock, hanging off him with some leather straps around the pistol grip and trigger guard
>Seems to be some kind of right hand man with the way he carries himself
>Their leader is a woman, apparently "young" by elf standards and with two damn mares legs in gun belts
>Just catch a little of what they say passing by
>They got this bastardized attempt at Southern accents and slang with a little Spanish thrown in for good measure
>It's a strange sight, but I ignore it
>Until about three hours later

>Now what I say next I only gathered from a hasty conversation with a small squad of frantic small town cops
>Anyway, elves head to the local department and hand in their scalps for a few hundred dollars
>The leader, Lurahn, asks if they know any local bars
>Cops direct them to a few places and they all walk out money in hand
>Don't take long before the department gets a few calls
>Elves are out of control, set up in a local bar and chugged down enough liquor to kill most humans
>Would be fine if it weren't for the fact that they start throwing bottles into the air and shooting them for fun, right in the middle of town
>Cops rush down there and try de-escalating the situation
>They didn't even threaten arrest, just tried to get them to leave
>Guess I can't blame them, heard stories about how dangerous desert elves can be
>Actually goes pretty well for a bit until another cop car pulls up
>And what should step out but an Orc in uniform

>Decent guy from what I gather, not one of those savage human eating tribals
>Granted my profession makes me wary but I respect the laws of the land
>Desert elves apparently don't
>Nothing actually happens at first, the Orc cop approaches to get info from the other cops
>Speaks to the "negotiating" officer's partner while Lurahn seems to only give sideways looks at the Orc
>Everything seems to be going smoothly until Lurahn nods, finishes her tequila, throws the bottle in the air while drawing her mares leg
>And casually points it right against the Orc cops head and hits him in the ear canal
>Panic goes through all the cops, most trying pulling their guns only to get shot down before they can even bring their muzzles up
>A few duck for cover and call in the situation
>The elves start running
>And cop cars start coming
>Gunfights start popping off all over the town
>None of them last all that long though
>A quick one or two minute exchange of some slow shots and then silence for a few more minutes
>Hell, most of these my posse hear but we ignore it
>Not our fight

>Gotta say, the cops were being pretty damn stupid
>Their constant skirmishes just ended up pushing the elves deeper into the town while they were just trying to high tail it out of there
>Fact that they're drunk as shit and can't tell the road from the sky probably doesn't help
>Anyway
>After about seven firefights, thirteen dead cops, and not so much as a stubbed toe (that they were sober enough to notice) on the elves, it becomes pretty obvious that small town cops with pistols and maybe a few shotguns are no match for a group of desert elves, and calling in Phoenix PD for some real firepower would take too damn long
>So a creative solution is called for
>That solution, of course, is us
>Cops knew we were in town and knew we were well armed and used to dealing with non-humans
>So they gave us one hell of an offer
>Kill the elves, or at the very least drive them all out, and we'd get $300 for each of them
>Three times the price of an Orc scalp
>Of course we decide to take that offer
>A stupid decision on our part

>So now we get to the part where we answer an age old question
>"Just how dangerous is a drunk elf?"
>Well let me tell you boys, extremely
>We grab our gear and start rushing to where the cops tell us the elves are headed
>Most of us are using 7.62x51 guns, lot of M1a's (of which I am particularly fond of, along with my 1911) and PTR-91's, Orc hunting usually requires a bit of a bigger hit that 5.56 give you
>As we're rushing there we're yelling out strategies on how to approach
>We don't get the luxury of discussing it in any significant detail
>Long before we even think we're in range a volley of bullets flies over our heads
>A few guys get hit in their plates and get winded, one of our boys takes a shot right between his eyes
>We all go down behind cars and dumpsters and into alleys and start firing back
>It's obvious they're really, really drunk, otherwise I reckon that volley would have completely cut us down
>All tactics are out the window, we just need to push forward
>We do some basic leapfrogging, some boys sprint to closer cover to the elves while the rest of us keep the pressure on
>We close about half the distance without any casualties
>On what we decide is going to be the big charge to really push them back two of our boys die
>The lead is hiding behind a car door and yells out "now!"
>Half a second later a bullet goes right through the door and into his mouth, damn elves and their inhuman hearing
>Another gets his head blown off by some well placed buckshot the second we stand
>Other than that the charge works

>Elves break cover and run as we keep up the shots
>We don't hit a single one, but we manage to concentrate enough fire to put a wall of lead between them
>They split off on an intersection, five going straight and four turning to the left
>Think I saw Lurahn with the group of five but wasn't sure at the time
>We chase again
>Philip, the defacto lead of our posse, yells at us to split so ten of us (including me) go left, the remaining twelve chase Lurahn's group
>We see their tails and keep running, they turn off right at another intersection
>The second we round the corner shots start flying our way and we dive under whatever we can, trying to stick behind tires and engine blocks
>Me and another boy, Tim, managed to get to the far side and just behind the edge of a house
>Tim whispers
>"Alright Anon, we're gonna go through some of these backyards and flank them"
>We look at the other group, eight boys all exchanging shots with the elves, I notice buckshot flying way more accurately than most the other shots and keeping heads down too damn well
>Tim waves to get their attention, shows them four fingers, and makes a movement to indicate he wants them to flank from the other side
>They nod, get a team together, and rush into the alley
>Me and Tim also rush down the side of the house and start jumping fences

>We hear the gunfight going almost continuously
>Funny thing is we hear both the loud shots from just a few blocks away and the quieter pops from a few streets down
>I figure it's a good sign until I notice the shots start slowing down a bit
>And of course the gun singing the most in unmistakably a shotgun
>As me and Tim sneak low between a couple houses I catch a glimpse
>Sure as hell it's that elf with the sawed off Winchester I notice earlier, and god damn is he working it
>Slam fires the whole thing in a second, reloads faster than I've ever seen any man load shells, and goes right back to it
>I reckon he's probably the most sober of the lot considering how effortlessly he's keeping up
>Suddenly he dodges back behind the car looking panicked and turns to his left, unloading his shotgun against whatever's there
>Me and Tim take the opportunity to rush forward and start firing
>The second we're in view I notice our boys killed one of the elves, but all four of our right flank is dead, buckshot tore their heads to chunks
>I quickly aim at the shotgun bastard (who I dubbed Winchester) and fire
>He notices at the last second and jumps back, I manage to wing him in the right arm but not before he gets a shot off
>Doesn't hit me but Tim gets hit in his plate and drops his gun
>The very next second another elf with a lever action rifle rounds the corner and hits Tim right in the throat
>I pop him before he can work the lever and lean out of cover
>There's only two elves left, one of which is Winchester
>I focus fire on him as he ducks behind a car
>Looks like for a second he's considering shooting back before our suppressing fire team, of which there were only two left, advance
>Winchester and his friend with just a revolver take off down another intersection and turn right

>Me and the other two run after them
>Just as we're about to catch up to them they turn around and start firing
>Wonder why they got their nerve back until I see Lurahn and three other elves back up into them
>Now Lurahn, she's a thing of wonder
>Obviously drunk as shit, hell, more so than the rest I reckon from her stumbling walk and little bit of vomit running down the corner of her mouth, but damn she's working her guns
>Both mares legs out, she fires one and flips it John Wayne style to reload, while she does the other one comes up and fires
>Doing this she's firing a pair of lever actions so fast that if I just heard it I'd swear she was magdumping a semiautomatic
>But now is not the time to gawk
>As they're taking fire I notice the one who was with Winchester drop from a gut shot and Winchester turns his attention to the advancing group
>My group rushes forward a bit and aims
>Apparently all of us want Winchester dead because the second we start firing all our shots tear him apart
>I quickly change aim at Lurahn and fire
>She actually fucking dodges it, the bullet hits an elf that was behind her at the wrong time but just rips a bit of her hair off
>She quickly turns her guns and fires two shots
>One of my group has his eye popped, the other gets his nose pushed in
>I duck behind a car tire, and in the next half second the tip of my boot and a little skin on my toe gets scrapped off
>Realize it's the only thing I had sticking out of cover
>Holy shit she's good

>Lurahn grabs Winchester's gun and a bandoleer and holds it low, hipfiring fast as she can while two of her elves follow
>I hold firm through the shotgun barrage, nothing hitting me, and the second it stops ready my rifle
>Lurahn and another elf rush right past me, not even looking back
>I'm about to fire on her when I quickly remember there were three, then dive to the cars other tire and pull my pistol
>Sure enough another elf shows up a second later with his revolver aimed where I was
>He shoots the ground
>I drill him with three shots in the face
>The second he goes down I shove my gun back into my holster and rush after Lurahn
>Eventually I catch up enough to get on my knee and fire
>It hits the elf she had with her right in the back, he goes down instantly
>Lurahn turns around, looking pissed
>I shoot at her too
>It hits

>But it doesn't kill her
>Hell, she doesn't even seem to notice a bullet just went straight through her left upper arm
>I don't know if she's just really disciplined to not react to pain, or just too drunk to even realize she's been shot
>But in the next second she lifts one of her mares legs and gets me right in the leg, my shot probably being the only thing that threw her aim off
>I scream and drop, try pushing myself behind a fucking lamp post with my good leg for lack of better cover
>Probably would have died too, but when Lurahn tried to shoot me with her other gun she realized she could barely move her left arm
>Instead she holsters her right gun, pumps the Winchester with her right hand, and then gets the grip in her hand and fires
>She walks towards me, firing surprisingly quickly using this method, most her shots don't go near me but one hits the post dead on
>A few pellets go into my side and I scream out again
>Thankful her shotgun is empty and she's fumbling to get her other mares leg out of the left holster with her right hand
>She does
>But it's right as two more of my posse show up
>Before they can get a single shot off Lurahn shoots one of them in the head
>The other fires two shots that go wide before Lurahn shoots the side of his jaw off
>When she charges the mares leg again and aims at me I close my eyes and prepare to die
>Then I hear a click
>My eyes shoot open at the realization, and gritting my teeth through the pain I pull my pistol and start firing
>She runs, but just as she turns one of my bullets actually hits her in the side of the head
>She stumbles a bit and one of her ears flies off, but she still manages to run away
>I can't chase her, I wait for some of the others of the posse to do so...
>None of them do

>The whole town was a frantic mess for days after that
>I ended up in the hospital a few hours later, along with about seven others of my posse, including the poor bastard who took a bullet to the jaw
>Two elves also being treated but under heavy police presence, they'll be transferred to Phoenix and put in a high security prison hospital when they're stable enough to transfer
>The eight of us left get the full payment for taking out the elves
>Technically we didn't take down all of them but the local cops didn't care much, having them gone was good enough
>And gone they'd stay I reckon
>Lurahn managed to break away, got into the desert
>Phoenix PD tried tracking her when they showed up but eventually the blood trail went cold
>Hell, knowing desert elves she was probably in Mexico or halfway to Canada by the time they finally showed up
>Likely no one will ever see her again in this State
>But hot damn do I think about her
>Never saw anyone as good as her
>Never took a beating that bad in my life
>And on top of that she was drunk as I'd ever seen a woman, I can't even imagine what she'd be like sober
>Well, I do know one thing
>I'd have ended up in a six foot ditch instead of a hospital bed if she was