Admin abuse? Changed like 2 things nobody really gives a fuck about while you did sweeping changes cos you were in a bad mood (as you said). There's only like 4 people who interact in the server with any regularity the rest just show up every now and again when they ain't busy. There was some rando with a role who said like 2 sentences when she was invited and hasn't said anything since (I know Lottie wanted her in but that doesn't change facts).

I was willing to move on and was even speaking to you normally until you started shit again just because I wouldn't apologise for a dumb meme and you getting annoyed without my knowledge - something that happens regularly. I'm sure you and others had a good time calling me childish when I was gone but it was better that than another argument in general chat. Also, I was joking when I said I enjoy pushing your buttons as I've made clear before - this isn't very enjoyable, frankly.
I'm not willing for anyone to take their grumpiness out on me so instead of rising to it I ignored it. If something I'm doing is annoying you, say so at the first and I'll stop. I am categorically not going to apologise for something because you think it confuses people that don't even interact in the server. I'm aware of the strong possibility that some of them don't like me and don't really mind because I try my best to be friendly with everyone who has ever interacted in the server and if they don't like me, they don't like me. Not everyone is going to like everyone. I frankly feel uncomfortable with you constantly gatekeeping behaviour you deem unseemly because some random might finally glance at the server for the first time in a month.

I've invited people to this server as well who've actually tried to interact and have felt that they've been ignored at times (I'm not going to say who since I don't want them drawn in) so I honestly get a little pissed off when stuff I do is attributed as annoying or offensive to people who've either said 2 sentences or are never around. If someone takes issue with what I do or say then they can take it up with me themselves if they even see any of it.

If the reality is that it's just you that's annoyed a simple "cut it out, it's annoying" right away would suffice instead of keeping it to yourself. I can neither infer from body language nor the tone of your voice that you are uncomfortable over the internet when we're only using text.

None of this has anything to do with my mood or situation. It was a dumb meme and I left the server the first time as a joke like I've done a bunch of times before. I left the second time, like I said, because I couldn't be bothered being the bad guy when literally nobody else gave a shit. If you think our relationship is toxic then stop talking to me. I do not take my situation out on anybody and actively seek to remove myself from other people if I'm grumpy - how many times have you seen me refuse to come on voice because I'm not in a good mood? I'm sorry that you feel that I use you as an emotional punching bag because that's not my intent and if you feel that's what you are doing I would ask you in the nicest way possible to please stop. I value you as a friend but if you think that that's what I'm doing you maybe don't know me that well. The reality is that I am constantly saying things that you find objectionable and lead with your emotions into an argument that I will try to keep emotions out of.

I apologised for the last time you flipped out at me over nothing even though I didn't want to and I'm not doing it again. I was trying to have some fun and was under the impression that you and Lucas were in on that fun. I'm not trying to discount your feelings, I'm just not going to apologise for not being aware of them because you didn't tell me until shit already hit the fan. I'm not a mind reader.