Thread 102: Stories 16-30

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OOCO
>SA
"AJ"
~~~

>...What in the-

"Don't ask."

>No, no I'm going to ask. This is asking.

"Don't. Ask."

>I'm seriously asking.

"Ah' will buck you in the dick."

>WOW! Wow, wooooww, going right there? Right to that right away? Wow, wow.

"Desperate times."

>...I'm still going to ask.

"Ya' know why Ah'm in yer' shower, and Ah' know why ya' don't see any steam."

>...wha...

"Ah'm still a mare, Shiny. Ah'm still a mare."

>...Should I ask what set it off?

"Do ya' REALLY wanna know?"

>...You know what? Nope. Enjoy my shower.

"Ah' won't!"

>Yep sounds about right...

"............ Not like ya'll would believe me anyway. Or iffin' ya' did, Ah'd rather kill myself than want ya' ta' know Ah've read Fifty Shades of Hay..."

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>Batmom
"Dadling"
~Babyling~
~~~~

~Brrbbrbrbrbbbbb~
Thup
~Brrrbrbrbrbrrbbbb~
Thub
~Giggle~

>Honey, I'm home. Ohhh, dinner smells good...

~Brbrbrbrbrbr~
Thup
~Giggle~

>...Honey? Uh... why...

"She's in the walker because she won't stop trying to fly away."

>Still bothers me she can fly this early... but uh, that's not my issue, bigger issue is your um... position.

~Brbrbrbrb~
Thup
~Giggle~

>...If you want to commit suicide there are way easier means than lying on the ground and letting her run your head over.

~brbrbrbrbr~
Thup
~Giggle!~

"She likes it."

>I can see that... so-

"Dinner's done, by the way."

>And you just decided to lay on the ground and let her run over your head after?... Odd train of thought.

~Brbrbrbrb~
Thup
~Giggle!~

"How was your day?"

>Seriously? You're asking me now?

"I like hearing about your day."

>Awww... tell you what how bout you spend some time with mommy, and we let daddy have his floor time.

~EEEEHEHEE!~

>That's my girl!... Don't worry, honey, after she goes to bed, you can keep spend more time on your back.

"...Thanks?"

>In the bed.

"...ohhhh... uh-"

>Come on, let's see what he made, huh?

~EEEEEEEE!~

"...sometimes, life is worth being run over for...."

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 >AJ
"Changelings"
'Guards'
~~~

>Okay, let's try this again from the top-

"COME ON EVERYPONY! SMILE SMILE SMILLLEEEE~!"

'FILL MY HEART UP WITH SUNSHINE SUNSHINE!"

"ALL I REALLY NEED'S A SMILE SMILE SMILE!"

'FROM THESE HAPPY FRIENDS OF MIIIIINNNNEEEE-'

>NO! NOT THAT PART!

"'....'"

>...Okay, fine, ya'll can finish that up first, but then we're talkin' about actually interactin' with ponies!

"'COME ON EVERYPONY SMILE SMILE SMILE~ FILL MY HEART UP WITH SUNSHINE SUNSHINE~"'

>...Smile! Smile! SMILE! SMIIIIIIILE! COME ON YA'LL SMIIIIIIIILE!

>"'COME ON AND SMILE! YEAH!"'

>...Why is that dang song so catchy...

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OOCO
>Chrysalis
"AJ"
'SA'
[Celestia]
~~~~

>WHAT THE FUCK!?

"Ahhh, shut it ya' dang bug monster."

'Now, AJ, don't be rude.'

[Yes, this is so very nice of her!]

>WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN MY BATHROOM!?

"It's in his castle."

'Now, AJ, I did say she could have it.'

[And then she took yours anyway.]

>GET THE FUCK OUT!

"Can't, we gotta clean up first.'

>WHAT!? Fuck off!

'We have to clean up, she said.'

>Go use your bathrooms!

[We can't, all of ours were broken one way or another.]

"Mostly her fault."

>So!? Fuck off!

"Can't, ain't clean yet. Pass the toothpaste."

>MY GIN TOOTHPASTE!

[You might be an alcoholic.]

>You're the one who gets drunk all the time!

'Celly, she's right, you have a problem.'

[Meh, I'll attend a meeting.]

'Good enough for me.'

>......

"Ya' gonna use this too or are ya' gettin' out?"

>...Nah.

FWOOSH!

>You guys enjoy needing that stuff to look presentable.

SLAM!

"..."
'...'
[...Oh my, those were rather racist thoughts.]

"Just give in, Celly... just give in..."

[...friggen broke ass changelings.]

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Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Fluttershy"
~~~~
>Welcome to Not Late Night/pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content does matter, but stress can make you loco in the coco! Now for our main guest....FLUTTERSHY!
Applause

"H-hi Pinkie."

>Hey Fluttershy! What's it like to be one of the most powerful beings in the world?

"My...house got destroyed earlier."

>Really? Mine too! We can be hobos together! You can be the bag lady and I can be your jolly magical zebra singing along! ...that's right, I went there. It's my show, I do what I want.

"Well, it's not like I've been living there lately anyway."

>Oh oh, you can also try bunking with me at the castle! What's the worse that can happen? We mash dimensions together?

"...when you say that it makes me-"

>That's all the time we have everypony! Zip-a-Dee-Doo-Dah zip-a-dee-ayy wonderful feeling wonderful day~!
Fluttershy wakes up.

"...why do I feel like that's the most normal thing that happened?"

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OOCO
>Rarity
"Buttercup"
'Spike'
[???]
~~~

>Fair warning, red looks absolutely terrible on my coat, if you get so much as a drop of it on me I will be forced to use drastic measures.

Her opponent gave nothing but a roar to the words, slamming down the talon shaped gauntlets where the princess had been but a second ago in frustration at having been dodged so easily again.

The metal hummed through the air as another swipe of massive claws raked its way towards impeccable white coat, renting nothing but air as once more she dodged away from those blades that sought her blood.

>Well! If you're going to be like that, I have no choice but to respond in kind!

More needles were summoned to her call. Not the best weapon, she readily admitted that, but she hadn't exactly been planning for an all out brawl when she had followed Spike to this place. It had been little more than curiosity and perhaps a bit of easedropping that had been what had forced her hoof, as it were.

Still, they were sharp, they were small and hard to block, and when used right...

"GRAAHHHH!"

Quite painful.

>Oh dear, I do so hope I didn't hit anything vital-

It seems she had struck a nerve, perhaps quite literally, with that last one. The brute before her wasted no more thinking jabs or shots, instead breaking down and racing full forwards with everything it had towards her.

It was now, and only now, that Rarity realized that behind her was little more than a sheer, empty drop.

>Oh my... you're more clever than you look.

Yet once more, those claws found nothing but air.

>But not quite that clever.

The opponent on the ground merely glared up at her, the princess's frame silhouetted in the sun as she rose to the sky withe easy beats of light, bright wings.

>Did you think these were just for show? Really now, I'm rather insulted that you are even trying to match wits with- OH DEAR!

Wings, far larger and more powerful than hers, beat like thunder.

She was no longer alone in the sky.

What a shame. She had such rare opportunities to take to the sky and really cut loose in flight.

A pity it would have to be in such a situation as flying for her life against a foe who's speed could charitably be called 'quick', and she knew quite a lot about charity.

"COME BACK HERE!"

She banked, twisted and turned, sticking close to the side of the high rise to prevent the larger foe from narrowing in too close, yet it was not enough. Claws swiped at her curly little tail, so close that Rarity could feel the steel brushing against the fibers. She was no Wonderbolt, to be sure, but right now she felt as if she could outrun Dash had they been side by side.

Honest fear will do that to you.

>Oh, begone with you, you horrid little thing!

She let loose a barrage of every needle she had, desperation fueling wild shots that either ricocheted off the steel helmet, buried themselves in a coat that would not slow down, or buried themselves in the side of the building she hugged so closely to.

Her heart seized when her ammo supply went dry all too soon.

"COME HERE!"

She could feel the feedback as those mighty, massive wings behind her beat ever stronger, closing the gap, bringing those claws closer to her, close enough to grab hold... So she did the only thing she could do.

She closed her wings.

"GAH!"

Just as she had thought. While the beast was quite large, quite fast and indeed had far better reaction time than it logically should, it still had one notable weakness. It couldn't stop quite as easily as she could.

So when the beast found itself with a prim white pony on it's head, covering it's eyes, it had very little time to do anything but flail wildly before she made her next move.

>If you're not going to use these properly...

Her hind leg struck out, kicking the base of one of the massive wings.

>Then you shouldn't use them at all!

Gravity and momentum joined hands and worked in perfect tandem, and did all the work Rarity could ever want done.

A roar split the air as the heavyset body veered to the side, slamming into the building they had been so closely hugging all this time, sending her flipping and spiraling upside down to add insult to the already painful blow.

It was right about here that Rarity regretted not letting go in time.

>I'VE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE!

Down the two tumbled, rolling through the air as if they had been flung by a ferris wheel, tumbling head over tail all the way until a hard, painful roof came to meet their call.

The ground cracked beneath the massive weight of the beast, yet was barely disturbed at all when the pony fell upon it as harshly as a marshmallow. They tumbled and rolled, only coming to a painful stop by the barrier that prevented them from rolling off the side and onto the street some eight stories below.

>...well, that was unpleasant-AHHH!

"You not see anything yet."

No time to correct her horrible phrasing when her hind leg was nearly pulled from it's socket with a jerk. The massive claw hurled her across the air, clear off the roof she was currently on and all the way over to the building beside it. She felt her back pop painfully when the stone finally ended her momentum, her wings bending painfully as they were forced closer to her. In a stunned daze, she slowly slid onto her back, all four legs pointed right up in the air.

>...well, this isn't going as well as hoped.

She had so precious little time to wallow dramatically in her pain. A shadow appeared over her, and she knew her foe was upon her once more.

She had no time to think, no time to wonder. Instead, she only had time to react in the very first way to come to her mind, no matter how crazy, or reckless, or just plain stupid it seemed.

And, in hindsight, very few things seemed as stupid as curling her spine inwards to bring her hind legs to her chest, rolling her head to the ground, and letting loose all the magic she could muster straight down.

That said, she couldn't help but feel a sense of rightness when she shot up in the air, and she felt an oddly familiar feeling when her hind hooves connected with the head of the one descending upon her.

"GAHHH!"

Both bodies rolled painfully to a stop once more, nursing aching limbs or a smarting lower jaw, respectively.

"You am annoying."

>Oh, darrrling.

Her voice was dripping with sarcasm all over her favored phrase, lingering on it even as the massive form rose it's full height once more, and cocked back an arm to strike.

>You haven't seen anything yet.

The talon struck forwards...

"GAHHHH!"

And came back to it's owner in a flash, cradled to the broad chest as pained hisses left through the mask.

"W-what..."

There, floating in the air, was what had stopped her assault.

A single, tiny piece of magic.

"WHY YOU-ARRRGH!"

Again, the larger foe tried to strike.

Again, she met what seemed to be a magical point, summoned in the air to meet the blow, painfully stabbing herself as she tried to reach the pony.

Again and again. Strike forwards, magic summoned seemingly in the one place that it would hurt the absolute most, somehow finding the weak spots in her steel gauntlet, and she could not progress any further.

>Really now, you brute. What did you expect? Massive flashing attacks? Beams of power? Now that is silly. I don't use offensive magic. Never have, and simply never learned. Oh no, my abilities are in my hooves...

"GRAH!"

She let out a cry of pain as another, single slim shot went into her bulky arm.

>And in my precision. I can't shoot off your limb, but I surely can make you wish it wasn't here.

More pained cries belted through the air as it happened again.

And again.

And again...

>Had enough, you ghastly thing?

Though the panting, the drool just barely visible glistening against the metal as it poured out, the bloodshot eyes of green glaring at her from behind that steel cage, it seemed so.

So it was quite cruel when that hope was dashed away when the beast let out a telling snarl, and shot forwards once more.

Again, she called her quite painful magic to bare. This time, however...

She kept going.

>OH DEA-

The beast gave into the rage, and the pony's words, and indeed the air in her lungs, were cut off as a bleeding, sore and painful talon found itself around her neck, hefting her up into the air as the beast reared back. Her wings beat as uselessly as her kicking hooves were, nothing compare to the considerably more impressive might of the one who held her.

"That. Was. Stupid."

>...N-now dear, weren't you listening to what I said earlier?

A growl of annoyance hummed though the metal, vibrating all the way down into the claws around her throat.

>I said, if you got any red on me, I would be forced to use drastic measures.

The green gaze flickered downwards, just enough to see that trail of red coming down from the talons. Blood.

Not the pony's blood.

>Now, as I said, I don't use offensive magic.

She looked back up just in time.

Just in time to see that horn on her head glowing a brilliant light.

>I'm making an exception.

The power washed over her in waves. Unfocused, untrained magic unleashed upon her. It was unsteady, unstable, the result of trying to force a magic every bit the opposite of everything she had ever used, known and trained for. She unleashed magic she never wanted, never needed, in a spell she reviled, and...

It did little more than leave noticeable holes in the black cloak, and nothing else.

>...Huh. So, that's why Twilight kept insisting I at least learned the basics.

Strangely, the one holding her seemed far more confused and befuddled than even she was that the bright wave of magic proved to be little more than a glorified lightshow. The look she gave the princess was positively scandalous.

>Oh don't give me that, I thought you just needed a lot of magic and pushed! I didn't think there was an actual method to this. I told you, I don't use offensive magic!

There was almost pity in the massive eyes as the pony was hefted up even higher, and the free claw cocked back.

"...You am really stupid-"

Bang.

The roar that followed nearly ruptured the eardrums of the pony. Had she not been dropped to the ground and her hooves free to clamp down over her ears, she likely would have had a ringing for the next month.

The massive beast stumbled back, clutching it's shoulder in an iron grip as unsteady paws barely kept it standing.

'Get away from her you BITCH!'

The hammer of steel cocked back as the drake finished pulling himself up the edge of the building, seemingly having jumped from the one across from it.

>Spike! Oh my... wait, why were you over there?

'Because that's where you landed! Or at least, it was when I started running down the building!'

>Wait, did you run all the way down and then go back up?

'Yes! What was I going to do, drop?'

>...Fair enough?

That settled, she joined by his side, horn pointed threateningly outwards while he trained the barrel on the still stumbling form, eyeing down the sight right into the things head.

'Now, you're going to tell me who you're-'

THUMP!

The pair went silent as the beast suddenly slumped forwards, it's body going limp and it's eyes rolling in the back of it's head. They watched as it took long, ragged breaths... and then stilled.

>...O-oh my goodness.

The dragon's heart felt like ice as he stared at the still, unmoving, breathless thing.

>SPIKE!

'I-I just aimed for it's shoulder! I didn't think it would die from that!'

>Oh dear, oh dear... oh dear...

She fretted, moving forwards to look over the body, noticing a trail of blood leaking out from it's massive form.

'I just... I was just trying to make her let you go...'

She bit her lip, prodding it ever so slightly.

Nothing.

The arm with the gun slumped to his side, suddenly too heavy to hold up. Despondently, he trudged forwards to it, a claw reaching out, but unable to touch.

A supportive, yet sad hoof touched his shoulder, held him up even as he felt he would fall. She supported him, held him.

>Oh... Spike, it-GAH!'

'OH SH-'

But the claws that sprang to life and snapped over both of them did a far better job of that.

'OH YOU PIECE OF SHIT!'

They would both swear they saw mirth in those green eyes as the massive form rose up once more, clutching both of them in an unbreakable grasp.

"It am basic technique, you know."

Slowly, the claws began to squeeze.

"Now, why am you-"

>OH SHUT UP!

Magic, as bright as had been before, unleashed from her horn. But this time it was different, rage doing what her own desires could not before, and packing a punch that would give Applejack pause into a blast of pure, alicorn magic.

The front of the helmet bent inwards ever so slightly against the force, and a cry of pain and surprise somehow made it out over the sound of magic against steel. Against such force, two hind paws could not stand. They were shoved back, over the side of the building.

Sadly, at no point in this did the grasp let go of tem.

>OH SHIT!

Unladylike as it was, it was all she could think of as the ground neared ever closer, and the hold would not release.

The eruption of hay and fruit and wood when they landed in a fruit cart was nothing short of explosive. For there is always a fruit cart. The ponies down below scattered in fear as the vague sights and sounds they had seen before now all suddenly made sense, gathering in a wide circle away from the massive body and those riding along with it.

'...Ow.'

That perfectly summed it up as the three lie on the ground in pain, scattered every which way by the blow having only been softened to 'survivable', not quite 'soft' from their cushion. So much so, only one of them could stand.

Of course, the princess.

>Well... that was thoroughly unpleasant... anything to say for yourself?

Under the gaze of an entire crowd circling them, looking to it with fear and worry of what it could be, the beast on the ground snarled, it huffed, it shook like a leaf as it tried to rise and stand, all four shaky limbs just barely able to support it.

A single, threatening claw raised up, and pointed to the pony with everything it had.

"GUARD! ARREST THEM!"

The whole world went silent.

>...WHAT!?

'What!?'

[Wait what now?]

Sure enough, a guard stepped forth from the crowd, long after the fighting had seemed to stop of course, looking far more confused than either princess or dragon managed, and that was saying a lot.

>Arrest US?! You're the one that needs to be arrested!

'Why would they arrest us!?'

[Yeah, why would I arrest them?]

That accusing claw swung over, this time angled squarely at the drake.

"Him sneak around behind house and creep up to window, then him pull out gun! Me see it! He did it!"

Again the world went deathly silent as, in seemingly single tandem, every single eye turned to the gaping dragon.

>Spikey-Wikey did no such thing! Tell them, Spike!

'...Uh-'

"Him did! Him take thing from funny bat-wing pony, him go into back yard, go up to window and hold gun like this!"

She mimed everything, from the steps to the bending, sneaking stance to even the mocking of how he held up his gun.

'...Well I mean, I did do that, yeah, but-'

>WHAT!?

Her gasp of such was echoed throughout the entire crowd, along with several other, far more profane cries of disbelief.

[Uh... so um... this actually is sounding like I should arrest you, but I really don't want to, so-]

'N-no, wait, it's not like what she's making it sound, this-'

He pulled out Charity, trying not to wince as everyone suddenly went on edge.

'Is my communicator, I use it to call stuff in, see?'

A claw depressed the much too provocative symbol of a pony on the side, and sure enough Rarity's horn lit up with the final word of 'See' ringing out.

'I use it to call stuff in!'

"...That am stupid! That am gun! Why you put calling part on gun!?"

[Oh, so this was all a big misunderstanding! Okay, well, that's fine then.]

"FINE!?"

She turned on the guard, looking to him with stunned, enraged eyes.

"Him am just walk up to window! In back yard! That am not right!"

[...Princess? That was authorized, yes?]

All eyes, again, shifted. This time to the pony that had been gaping in abject shock throughout all of this.

Suddenly, after far too long a wait when she thought about it, it hit her that, indeed, he was referring to her when he said 'princess'.

What an unusual occurrence.

>Erm... yes? Y-yes! This was a totally sanctioned investigation by the Equestrian Royalty, with absolutely no force or breaking or entering authorized, he was just... checking out a lead given by an informant! Yes! Nothing to worry about, and of course Spikey-Er, Spike the Dragon, who you all should know is a valued member of the A-team, was acting within' protocol and would never use his weapon on anyone unless he absolutely had to! This was all authorized!

Even the head made of steel seemed to have it's lower jaw drop as every pony around them seemed to simply accept the explanation, nothing further need said.

A princess had spoken, that was plenty.

[Alright!... Er, did you want me to arrest her for assaulting royalty and disrupting a royal investiagation, your highness?]

The look of scandal barely visible in the helmet had been all but unseen before.

After that, it might as well have been glowing like the sun.

>Oh... oh no no! She, um, she was clearly just acting on suspicious activity. Really, if anything it would be quite rude to punish her merely because she reacted when someone was creeping up on a window with gun drawn! Quite distasteful to punish her for not being psychic. Wouldn't you all say?

Murmurs of passive, easy agreement rang through the crowd.

>It was merely a misunderstanding, we'll take steps to ensure it never happens again. Sorry to you all, and do not worry, the crown will be paying for any damages sustained in this ghastly misconception. You may all return to your lives!

And that was it.

That, seemingly, was it. She had pacified the mob, removed all worries, and they couldn't care less anymore. It was done.

"...but... but him..."

The guard let out a sigh of relief trotting up to the one who's shoulders were slumping in disbelief. He leaned in, whispering conspiratorially while making a show of checking over the wounds on the far larger frame.

[Listen, buddy? Just let it go. That's a princess, and someone who works for a princess. If she feels like it, she can toss you in prison for treason or attempted murder or whatever for fighting her, just let it go and move on, okay? Trust me, you do not want to tick off the one who's got the ear of the pony who raises the sun.]

He backed off with a smile, seemingly satisfied of his 'assessment' for all to see.

She hadn't heard a word of it, of course, but the pony couldn't help but feel an uneasiness with that whole exchange. Something was very, very wrong...

[Do you need anymore help, Highness?]

>Hm? Oh, no no, I think we are alright, thank you.

[Any time, have a pleasant day, Majesty!]

He bowed to her, and then merely continued his patrol.

All around them, life merely returned to normal, aside from maybe one or two pointing or taking pictures. As if there hadn't just been a battle before, as if it had never happened...

'Ah... l-look, I'm sorry that-'

The roar made everyone, those on the street up up in buildings and especially the princess and dragon, jump.

But a roar was all it was.

A roar was all the wounded thing had, before she turned around, and trudged off with a noticeable limp. Tattered cloak fluttering in the wind, bent and twisted helmet gleaming in the light. The beast, so mighty and strong before, was now merely a picture of defeat as it walked away.

The two could not tear their eyes away until she was long, long gone from their sight.

And just like that... the world was back to normal.

>...So what was this all about, anyway?

'I uh... I was just following an address I grabbed off a nightguard.'

>Is that all?

'...Yeah, that's all. Pretty much just... followed a lead and it all kinda went wrong.'

>I see... did you at least find your answers?

'...I guess? It turns out Seven is just, uh... 'with' the occupant. That's all. So, at least he's okay, better than okay even, and the two guard I was sent here to find are okay, so... everything's okay?'

>Well, that's good.

Tired, aching limbs just barely let her move as she rose up, extending a hoof to help Spike rise as well. Together, they began their own walk towards the train station.

>I would hate to think this was all pointless.

All around them, the streets went on as it always did.

Life, for the world, went on just as it always had.

Time to go home.

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Thump, thump, thump.

Every single step of her paws was like it was weighted down.

Thump, thump, thump.

Every single movement was like her limbs were stretched unnaturally.

Thump, thump, thump.

Every twitch made the wound on her back, caused by that bullet, to burn even more. It hurt. She hurt.

But she did not stop.

She walked, and walked, and walked.

Until she found where she was supposed to be, in the place she had made, and she curled up to rest. He would be back soon, he would have heard of what she did, maybe he wouldn't be too mad.

Or maybe he would, and she deserved it. He had told her not to fight without him there, but he had been there, she just took the fight away. That counted, didn't it?

Or maybe not.

She had lost, after all. Not to the pony, no. She had lost to...

That thing.

That thing that looked... fun.

Maybe when he got back, she could ask him.

"...Me want one of those guns..."

Sleep took her, the rage and indignity long gone.

She dreamed, something the manticore had never been able to do before he showed her how to think. She dreamed...

Of metal in her paws, and how fun it would be to fire away.

She forgot the pain of losing.

She forgot the anger at the pony.

She forgot it all.

She forgot... and she dreamed.

"Maybe him get me one..."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >AJ
"Guards"
~~

>Alright, report!

"It's getting hard to hit everyone who keeps staring at Quicksilver, ma'am! We might have to move on to the hose!'

>...Noted. But, uh, meant about the-

"I have learned the ways of facepunch, ma'am! Assuming they do not make up more rules! Forty One informs me not to get my hopes up."

>Okay, little closer, but-

"It turns out that this writing is giving me deja vu and I don't know what to say about it, but I'm showing it to Daw."

>...Yay? Ah' meant-

"Ma'am!"

>WHAT!?

"I require an advance on my next... six months of salary."

>What!? NO!

"Please?"

>Quicksilver, why in tarnation would I need ta' give you six months salary?

"..."

>...Quicksilver.

"I may have a gambling problem... scratch that, I had a gambling problem about six spins in, I now have much bigger problems."

>I-ugghhhh.

"Please? I'm really deep in the hole here."

>No, Quicksilver, we don't have room in just... just deal with it yer'self!

"Oh, okay... you guys wanna give me a loan?"

"On your own, buddy."

"...Really, SG?"

"Hey, I stopped when I ran out of money, thank you!"

"I'm kinda saving it up for... an event. A masky event... with forty one."

"And I'm just plain not helping out, I have limits."

"Lucky come on!...No? Captain?"

"As your captain, it would be out of line to pay gambling debts for you."

"...sigh... anyone still have that-"

"Right here."

"..."

"..."

>...Why were ya'll carryin' a maid...

"..."

>...Nevermind. Ah' meant report on the dang changelings!

"Oh, that... they're on fire.'

>Oh.

"......"

>.........WAIT A MINUTE!

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OOCO
>AJ
"Rarity"
~~~

>Hey, Rars? Ah' gotta question.

"Oh darling, at last you've come to ask me! Finally! I've waited for this for so long! Ask away, please!"

>What do ya'll do around here?

"...Er... could you be more specific? And far less hurtful?"

>Its just, ya' eat up a lotta funds, but as far as Ah' can tell ya' don't really seem ta' do anythin' but occasionally help out someone who don't even live in this country as far as official business goes.

"...Uh..."

>Despite this, ya' tap in ta' a LOT of our funds. Like.. a lot lot.

"Uhhhhh-"

>Most of it's cake budget, fair enough, but then there's housin' and 'other'. Ah' don't even know what that there other is, but ya' use it a lot.

"Uh huh..."

>And yet, Ah' can't trace back a single dang thing ya' did as far as foreign relations, or city planning, or trade negotiations, or really anythin'. Last thing here is ya' made Wonderbolt costumes... after they paid you. They funded it with a charity show, ya' just made the costumes. Now, see, normally we give those funds ta' the private sector ta' benefit our economy, but now it looks like ya'll actually charged yer' own military fer' new uniforms. Mind helpin' me out here? What do ya' do?

"Oh Applejack, I wish you had just asked me! It's so simple! And of course there's a reason."

>Oh, phew, was worried there... what do ya' do?

"It's easy, I-DESIGNERPOCKETSAND-"

>GAHHHHH!

"OH NO WHO COULD HAVE DONE THAT I'LL GO GET THE GUARD WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATERRRRRrrrr...."

>Ow... ow... Rar?... Ah'mma just put down 'administrator' and call it a day. This ain't worth the headache.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Cadence"
'???'
~~~~

"...So this is... normal?"

>For her? I honestly don't know.

'...Lemon!'

"You don't know. That... that is by far the weirdest part about this, I'm pretty reliant on you knowing what to do here."

>I've noticed that.

'...Sunflower!'

"It's just, how exactly do we approach this? Is this good? Is this bad? Is this something we need to address or is she just being silly?"

>That's... pretty much my every day, yeah.

"Now that's worrying. You pretty much carry this team."

'...Lemonade? That's just the first things with sugar! That ain't natural! Disqualified!'

"...Should we ask?"

'BANANA!? OUTRAGEOUS!'

>I... guess so? Sweetie?

"Yeah, Shiny?"

>What, ahhh, what are you doing with all those slushies?

'Ah'm tryin' ta' solve a mystery!'

>A mystery of what?

'Ah' found this yellow snow outside the shield, and Ah' wanna know what it is! So Ah' started sniffin' all the yellow stuff we gots ta' see if it matches up. But it ain't matchin!'

>...

"...oh dear."

>You've just been smelling it, right?

'Yep! Ain't got to the taste test yet.'

>Oh thank Celestia.

"Phew!"

'...That part starts now! Bottoms up!'

>"TWO NO!"

*TACKLE!*

'OPPRESSION! AH'M BEING OPPRESSED!'

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Dadling
"Batmom"
~~~

>Soooo, I was thinking Caterlot school for the very very gifted, but Canterlot Esteemed State seems pretty good too, what do you think?

"...For..."

>For college, silly!

"...Can we at least wait till she's over a year old before we start looking at colleges?"

>NO!

"...Canterlot U?"

>...It's like you don't even want her to be a biomedical doctor astronaut...

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Non-Canon
>Pinkie
"Twilight"
~~~~
>Welcome to Late Night /pa/ with your host Pinkie Pie! It's during this time that content doesn't matter, and we pay our respect to our fallen archive! Now for our main guest....TWILIGHT!
Applause

"Hello everypony...my chair is sticky."

>Nah, just gooey. Do you think you can make science entertaining?

"Oh definitely. If done right knowledge in the form of entertainment can-"

Upbeat music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6OQkj1Tloo
>Twilight the Science gal (Twilight the science gal).
Disco lights.
>Twi twi twi twi twi twi twilight the science gal~ Now educate us Twilight!

"But you'll just end up cutting me off."

>What? And stop perfectly good opportunity to make ponies learn something? Come one!

"Oh okay. Hmm...did you know that-"

>I lied! That's the end of our show! G'night everypony!
Twilight wakes up.

"...I don't know why I try."

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>SA
"Chrysalis"
~~~~

>You're already bracing like this is going to hurt. You know, you don't have to do this.

"Oh, please... of course I have to... ngghhh... ngghhhhh.... GAHHHHHH!"

CRACK!

>Ooooooo~, ouch... you okay?

"MMMMM... yep, fine."

>Well, you've succeeded in looking longer and flatter, even if you aren't really. Have you just never heard of-

FWOOSH!

>...

"...Ta daaaaa!"

>...What? You, uh... you look like-

"Leaves, yeah!"

>Very specific set of leaves, but yeah. That's actually some half decent camouflage... assuming you're around that specific tree. The deep brown color kind of sticks out otherwise.

"Yeah, and since I did the stretchy part without fwooshing, now I can't accidentally run out of love and depower!... Can still starve, though."

>Is that how whoever owned this power died?

"Hm? Oh, no, uh... Auntie Tiaratum got set on fire."

>...They thought-

"They thought she was the tree, yeah."

>Saw that... coming...

"What?"

>...

"What!? Why are you sniffing?"

>...You smell like peanut butter.

"...WHAT!?'

>You smell exactly like peanut butter, EXACTLY like peanut butter.

"I do!?"

>You do, EXACTLY like peanut butter.

"Huh. Do you like peanut butter?"

>Hm? Oh, yeah, I love it, why do you...

"..."

>...Walked riiight into that one.

"I didn't even say it."

>But I heard it. I actually heard it in my mind.... 'do you want a taste'? I heard it.

"...Do you?"

>...

"...Can I see if you taste like-"

>Chrysalis.

"Can't blame a gal for trying!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

>18
"Celestia'
~~~

>No.

"-so thus I feel this would better help unity between our-"

>No.

"-nations and of course you would be compensated monetarily-"

>No.

"-though I'm sure all you would need is the knowledge you were making this land a better land and helping your allies-"

>No.

"-In trying times to compensate for the lack of-"

>No.

"-hoofpower and FOR THE LOVE OF ME EIGHTEEN COME ON!"

>No.

"Come on! Without Applejack, I'm the ONLY ONE DOING THIS SHIT!"

>No.

"I need backup! And you're an Applejack! You fit perfect."

>No.

"BETRAYAL! BETRAYED ME!"

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 >Maud
"Sombra"
~~~

>That is when I stopped worrying.

"I honestly have no idea why you were worried in the first place, who did he think was digging up all of my materials?"

>I follow your line of thinking.

"I mean, you've been wandering around the castle, what, did he think you were a ghost?"

>...

"Do not say a word."

>I rarely do.

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________