Sugarfreefox's original "let me explain myself" post:

I'm going to start off by saying that I actually removed you from the patron chat in a last ditch effort to prove your innocence, because I didn't want to believe it was you who had caused me so much pain. I removed you to prove the leaker couldn't be you. I'll go into that later, but for now, we can start with the wrong assumption that seems to be underlying all of your actions:


"i started browsing the kf after the figurines got their time extended, and i felt cheated. i spent a lot of money on those figurines, i wanted that money back, and i expected it to be back when that timer hit 0 days, so when i didnt get my refund, i assumed you had taken the money and ran. the site itself is super sketchy, and i never got a reply from ESCToy when i asked for my refund. theyve responded since then, so lets just leave them out of it. if you dont want to mail me the beleth figurines, then refund me, or please just let them mail without sabotaging them."


To be clear, I was never the one running this campaign; this was stated several times, in several places - from the campaign update on the site, to the campaign page itself, to the Flora twitter,
to my personal twitter. The campaign was always being run by ESC-Toy, and it was their idea to begin with. They handled the campaign page, and the money went directly to them, not through me.


The campaign extension was also ESC-Toy's idea. I argued against it (and for cancelling the campaign entirely), because I wasn't sure it would get funded even with the extension. ESC-Toy said it would be fine, so I trusted (and still trust) their judgment, as they're someone who does a ton of merchandise for games and various publishers. They've been doing this for several years, working with Sony, Devolver Digital, etc, and so I deferred to their expertise, and hoped it would work out.


So to summarize what you thought was going on: you thought I ran off with money. You didn't check in with me. You didn't ask me.


And to summarize what was actually going on: I was stressing over how to make sure everyone got their rewards if it didn't meet the funding. I was figuring out where I could get the money, and if I would have to take on extra work to do it in a timely manner. ESC-Toy ended up handling it completely, and there was no issue. The campaign is still going just fine. The rewards will be shipped likely before summer hits, as you know, from the response you got from ESC-Toy.

This is one week after you decided to join the forums, for the reason of complaining about thinking you got "scammed"... despite the fact that the vinyl campaign is looking like it's only going to take a couple months longer to fulfill than the plush one did! You should know how long this takes - you were a high backer in the plush KS, and it took me over a year to have a spot for your cameo! Did you even really think you got scammed? Or is that a lie you told yourself to feel justified in how you ended up treating me?


Who knows. I see not a single email from you in my floraverse inbox about it.


"anyways, i was wondering if anyone else felt cheated like i did; i found the farms, and i read a lot about you. a lot i wish i never found out, which ruined my impression of floraverse and i stopped enjoying it."


I find this sentiment very difficult to believe, seeing as 24 hours prior to the quote above, you were posting on the KF forums griping about the fact that I made tweets angry about KF. I talked about it being a place that will poison both your enjoyment of things and your interactions with others. And then here, to me, you say KF poisoned your enjoyment of Flora. You say this to me, privately, one single day later after publicly (and anonymously) making fun of me for saying the same thing. In a thread dedicated to making fun of me and my work.


I don't know what exactly you "found out", but it's instructive to look at the things you contributed, for example:


"This horse is probably beaten to death but apparently PK has been having mouth issues as well. If she's on her period and not just regular cramps, taking a bath is fucking disgusting. I wonder if this is the precursor to a twitter chimpout? Stay tuned."


This is so bizarre and petty. Taking a bath is "fucking disgusting"?


Someone asked about the update not being posted yet, and I explained that I had been in pain due to cramps. It felt really innocuous to me. The pain made it hard to stand and hard to move, so I took medicine and waited it out in the bath. I didn't mention blood. There wasn't any, in fact. Even if there had been, I was literally in a fucking bath tub with a shower right the fuck there. But that didn't stop you from taking your comment in an absurd direction just to try to make people find me gross, and the entire thing is veiled misogyny that you're just reinforcing.


"Look guys, Hayden themselves actually made a guest comic. Wonder if PK paid them $20."


Huh. You don't seem to have any trouble referring to Mr. Hayden as "they", but you can't even bring yourself to use the right name for me.


Here, again, the KF MO: you don't know anything about the situation, you speculate that I did something wrong based on nothing, and chances are it'll end up in some callout post months or years down the road. Something that can be twisted into easy lies, wholly because you felt like being hateful and petty.


Here's the hilarious part! Hayden offered to do it for free at first. I insisted that no, I was going to pay him. I told him to tell me how much he wanted paid. He then asked how 20 bucks sounded. I said no, I would be paying him more. I told him as much, and then sent 65.


Congratulations! You could have found this out by asking me, or him.


But you didn't.

Instead you reinforced a bullshit narrative that I cheat people out of something they deserve, based on absolutely nothing. You just felt like saying it to get a cheap, easy jab in—just like the rest of your friends on the forum!


(Did you know that I've been accused on KF of scamming KS backers out of their rewards, because someone posted a Discord log of you asking about the plush cameo? They thought you were asking about a Seeds book cameo, which would mean I still hadn't done it several years later. This is what your new friends do, over and over: get just enough details wrong to make me sound as bad as possible, then spread it around like it's confirmed fact. Then if I point this out, they pretend I'm claiming they faked logs and call me a liar. Lies on top of lies, but each one is small enough that no one has to feel too bad, right?)


It's weird, too, because I remember you changing your avatar to one of the Beleths I drew in that style. What did you say about it, again? Wait, that's right: "these are so fucking cute"


So it's a little weird, then, because "Hayden themselves actually made a guest comic" makes it sound like everyone, you included, was making fun of the fact that I imitated his style. You know he encouraged it, right? He's the one who originally wanted me to do gag strips. It ended up being a great way to do the extra update, while also working on the Alice VN demo, which was extremely time-consuming.


Then, only a couple days ago, after I removed you from the Discord channel and Patreon:


"PK still hasn't said why I am not getting the patreon reward I paid for."


You leaked the rewards for months. You leaked the chat when you saw fit, to not just make fun of my work, but to make fun of me, personally. You knew you were doing this. This is why you left the server when I removed your role. You knew you'd been caught. We both knew it.


And yet, you word it in a way as if I was depriving you of something you deserved. As if this whole situation was something mean I decided to do to you. You purposely skewed it this way, and then capped it off with "Now she's posting how dangerous it is to be on kf". Are you fucking kidding me?


You do realize that the entire thread is full of people doing exactly what you just did there, right? That this is the kind of thing you "find out" there? Lots of little details changed, out of spite or whatever, to take something innocuous and spin it to sound evil or gross. It's so dishonest! And you still believe it, even after contributing to it yourself?


You do realize this is what makes KF a terribly dangerous place to be, because it rewards lying and skewing things in order to make people look terrible, and no one has to take any responsibility for the things they say as long as they cover their trail. Right?

As a matter of fact, you said a lot of things in that post that were specifically engineered to shift any blame and responsibility away from you, and onto me. Let's go over that latest post. Actually, let's go over a lot of your posts.


"Oh man, this is rich. She can't see how its her fault fans are turning away from this."


I'm going to go over all the misgendering stuff later, but if you're the average picture of the kind of fans that are turning away, then I'm glad to hear it. It's almost unbelievable that you called your own inexcusable actions my fault.


"Floraverse was at a point genuinely entertaining, but I love both enjoying media and discussing how it could be improved, or just flat out moment how dumb it can be. You can enjoy and criticize something at the same time. PK doesn't like that."


It's weird to say I "don't like that", given how strongly I engage with criticizing works I consume. That's the entire point of the podcast I do with Katy - we heavily analyze the works we listen to. Analyzing and critique are not always "this is a bad job and I hate these characters and this person sucks and everything they do sucks", which seems to be the standard "critique" on KF.


You had the same bullshit non-critique to offer me, except you made it sound like the Discord would dogpile you for getting out of line:


"i also really enjoy discussing things in a critical manner, and this was the ONLY place i could talk about such things without being hounded."


Okay, let's hear some of it. Let's hear the kind of criticism that you didn't think would be well-received, the kind of criticism that you only offer to help me improve.


"Beget the obnoxious gender/sexuality utopia and focus on the creepy, PK, you'll find it works way better for what you're going for."


Ah. Someone who goes by "they" thinks I need to cut back on the "gender utopia", which is "obnoxious".


Do you even believe this, or did you say it just to fit in? How can I tell? Can you even tell? If you only said it to be cool, then why should I take anything else as real criticism? Why should I take a single thing anyone says there as criticism to be observed and listen to?


Can you imagine if you wanted to tell a story about non-binary characters, and about being non-binary, and people made fun of you for it? I'm asking you that. Can you imagine trying to tell a story about something personal to you, but then people make fun of you for the way you exist? And some of the people who exist in the same fucking way are joining in to make fun of you?


"New ROM page up, and Neon is a hack as usual."


The page in question being this: http://forbiddenflora.com/gallery/major-comics/rom/675-rom-p17/


Neon's a hack? Why? For being socially unaware? That's the entire point of the story. Her learning some social awareness, and learning that the things she says have effects on others. She does her best, and doesn't like learning there are ways to accidentally hurt others with her words. I was hoping it was a story that might reach people who desperately need to learn that, but the fact that you "have no regrets" about the way you've treated me leads me to wonder if that was a hope in vain.


"It's like all of the usual problems are right here on this page. Magenta, flat, too many words, unnecessary speech bubbles (you dont need 4 (...) speed bubbles on a single page), and of course, starring Neon. I swear there's no shading on these characters at all."


Yes, all these absolutely *pressing* issues need to be addressed, such as:


-Used the wrong color.

Thanks for the heads up, but you should really have let me know every other color I'm not allowed to use while you were at it, or this criticism doesn't do much.


-Too many words.

The very first panel is specifically a joke about the fact that Neon's saying too many words. So, not technically wrong.


-Too many "..." speech bubbles.

"..." tends to denote a pause or uneasy silence. The panels look weird without it, but I guess you're the comics expert, since you're the one who's done hundreds upon hundreds of comic pages. Right?


-Starring Neon.

Oh, I'm sorry. You said she was your favorite a few months ago in the descriptions of the fan arts you drew of her. I somehow got confused and missed the memo that I'm not allowed to make comics starring my characters. I guess I should make one about someone else's character? Hold on, let me see what kind of criticisms you have for me about that:


"Who called it on V3nom's insert into the comic? Sure I pay a couple hundred bucks for my OC to cameo but this guy gets a whole comic. Yeah I'm bitter."


Okay. So I'm getting mixed messages here. I can't use V3nom either, even though I made her with Tiny? Okay… but, what are you saying here? Whose character does that leave? Your OC? I guess that WOULD solve the problem of the comic being about Neon, and it removes my characters from the scene. Seems to check out.


To summarize, your criticism that I refuse to take is that I use colors, characters, and conventions that you don't like. You say these are "the usual problems".


So, the usual problems are things I deliberately choose to do, because I like doing them. The problem is, somehow, with me and my work—because I'm not graciously accepting these "criticisms" by changing my work to fit your preferences. Are these even real preferences, or are you just saying whatever will impress KF? If I changed the comic like you want, would you just find something new to nitpick?


I do not give a shit about this kind of entry-level "critique". I do not fucking care if you don't like the colors I picked. I picked them for a reason. I do not care if you don't like how much text is on a page. It suits the story and does what I need it to do. And I certainly do not give two shits if you don't like the fucking characters I'm currently making a story about. No matter who I made a story about, someone there would make fun of the main character. It happens every single time, without fail. And you fed into that, while happily pretending in the patron chat that you liked it!


No one was making you read it. You chose to do that. Everyone there is choosing to do that. No one was making you look at the colors you wouldn't have picked. No one made you continue to engage with anything at all, except for yourself.


The only "crime" I committed here is ignoring KF's useless bullshit. The "glip doesn't like criticism" mantra is repeated when people have "critiques" like "glip uses too much pink". That's not a fucking criticism. That's a preference. I have no obligation to use less pink because someone else doesn't like it. I make the art I want to see. Why the fuck should I make anything else?


Do you want me to go look at all the art you've done and talk about all the ways in which you've failed for not doing it like I'd do it? Do you want me to talk about the ways in which your colors don't work? The ways you've fucked up anatomy? I'll make sure to do it to the drawings you're proudest of. Don't worry, I'll only word it in a condescending way that makes you feel like shit. And then I'll say it's all to "help" you, and honestly, who doesn't want to improve? So really, I'm doing you a favor by making you feel bad.


Do you get how fucking stupid you and your KF friends sound? Do you realize how awful and fucked up this is?


It's exactly what abusive relationships are like. Spitefully tearing someone down, and then reframing it as "critique" and "helping" someone. Telling someone the harassment or abuse they're suffering is for "their own good". It's an abusive way to exist! This is the definition of abuse! There is absolutely no need to act that way, or to pick on things just for the sake of being mean!


Literally anything I do will be criticized, so I may as well do what I like, and do what makes me happy. When people have genuine critiques, I listen carefully. Useful critiques do not come from KF. Useful critiques do not come from people who say whatever nasty things everyone else is saying just to fit in. I filter out the bullshit, and you got caught in the filter.


Are you not seeing how fucking absurd this situation is?


Oh, I forgot your critique on Krypto.


"Honestly, I already can't stand Krypto. You can have an annoying character, but they have to have _something_ redeemable about them in order to not just hate them."


Yeah. Those kinds of characters never exist as real people. You don't just get people who are jealous and petty and spiteful out of wrongful assumptions and deep insecurities. And if you did, they'd just be someone people hated, so it obviously doesn't make sense to tell a story about how characters might deal with the existence of someone like that. Because that kind of thing doesn't happen.


I got sidetracked. Let's head back to your recent KF post, in which you were super dishonest in order to shift the blame of your actions onto me:


"A short bit ago I posted snapshots of the discord chat on my phone and left my timezone in, and within a day I was taken off the patron discord with absolutely no explanation."


I figured you'd be smart enough to know you were removed for leaking the chat that the other members trusted to be private, and for leaking rewards early in order to make fun of them publicly among others.


Pretty weird that you'd expect me to try to contact you about this.


"i wanted you to find out it was me, so that i could finally cancel my pledge, leave the discord, and be done with floraverse. i never anticipated you actually trying to interact with me."


Oh, surprise. You didn't actually expect me to contact you! You just wanted to say something that would make me look like I rob people of their money, a narrative that KF loves to fucking spread for some reason. A narrative you pushed, knowing it would reaffirm what they already believed to be true. A lie.


Also, you once again make your actions somehow fall on my head. Rather than cancel your pledge, delete your KF account, leave the discord, or whatever, you specifically waited until I caught you out. You somehow spun this into being my fault, yet again, as if you're not in control of yourself or your actions.


I figured if you wanted to talk about it, you would have messaged me. But you didn't. You left the server and immediately set your pledge to 0 dollars.


You then continued to leak updates, because I wasn't aware that a person whose pledge was 0 dollars could still see rewards until the next month. So I banned you from the Patreon.


"as for my persona on kf, you know how the site is. you know their views on nonbinary genders."


Yes, I fucking do. This is part of the reason I urge people to stay away from it. You're part of a group of people they hate. They would turn on you in a fucking moment if they learned who you were. You think they wouldn't? You think it wouldn't be easy for someone to make a thread about you, post all your art criticizing it, and go through making fun of you for using "they"? You think it wouldn't be easy for someone to stalk you and harass you and doxx you and post about it in a thread, but, hey, they just want to criticize you, and what's wrong with that? You value criticism, right? It helps you improve!


You're playing a dangerous game. I've been in your shoes, though not to the degree you've carried it out. There is no winning. It makes you feel like shit to hate on people, and it makes you feel worse about your own work. There's a huge difference between "critiquing" work and emptying every spiteful and vindictive thing you've got in your head into a fucking forum post.


I don't think I've adequately stressed how many times I've wished I were dead because of people on kf. People like you. Let me try to explain it. I can't even think about that site without the threat of an anxiety attack. I cannot stress how deeply sad it makes me that so many people choose to believe terrible lies, choose to perpetuate worse lies... because it's fun for them to do so. I get so stressed over people harassing me when I'm just trying to make a fucking comic I like. It makes me so incredibly sad that I can't just exist normally and try to make things people enjoy without it being turned into a narrative about how horrible I am for some bullshit lie or another.


Wait, hold on. Let me see what you had to say about that:


"PK needs to give up the pity party, she's trying so hard to get sympathy, where a normal person would either ignore the criticism, or actually listen and take it."


Un-fucking-believable. I can't even properly word how disgusted I am that you participated in my harassment and then made fun of me for complaining about how bad being harassed makes me feel.


But you're right, normal people just ignore criticisms like "hey guys here's glip's address, sure would be bad if something happened to them huh" and "don't sit in the bath when you might be bleeding you gross freak" and "the comic is bad because it's about glip's characters and not my OC." Sorry, I was paraphrasing a little.


What else do normal people do? Go complain about petty gripes anonymously in a forum thread about their "favorite artist", and then turn around moments later to praise said artist in a private chat. They do, right?


Wait, no. That's absolutely fucking insane.


To them, to you, it's just some forum posts. To me, it's people googling my fucking name and a bunch of petty bullshit I've disputed and refuted (with proof!) shows up, but... without my refutations, because no one wants to read that. Because it's not juicy gossip. It lets people feel justified in using me as a fucking punching bag, about things that are nonsense or are flat out wrong. This, rightfully, frustrates me. And so I talk about how much it sucks, on Twitter, where it might have a chance at reaching the people—you—who are actively choosing to hurt me.


I was so sad when I posted the first video update... and saw it had more views than it should. When I saw it just had a lot of spiteful thumbs-downs. It's a small thing, but I worked so fucking hard on those videos. And I was so, so sad that they were being leaked early in order to be mocked. I wanted to cry more than once at the idea that someone who called themselves a "fan", who was apparently in the chat and leaking logs, would be doing this. I didn't understand who, or why, or what I had done to them. It made me feel so sad, and unsafe. I thought people in the patron chat would understand just how much time and effort I pour into this stuff. The idea that someone was purposely doing this to me made me feel so ill while I finished up the second video.


It made me want to give up. When that kind of spiteful thing happens, it makes me just want to give up. I don't understand how you wouldn't realize it has that kind of effect. I do these comics for fun, because I enjoy them, and because I have things in my head that I want to try to express. People started paying me for it because they liked it. I'm very grateful to be in this situation, but I'm still one person doing a vast majority of the work. When you're nitpicking details like "didn't shade like I think they should" or "neon's ears are wrong because I said so", I don't know what you're hoping to accomplish. Why the fuck are you reading it if you don't like it? Why the fuck did you do any of this to me if you do like it? Why would you participate in things that actively made it harder for me to focus on work?


I like trying new things and experimenting. I have no interest in engaging with people telling me that I'm doing my art wrong because I didn't fucking shade a head how they thought I should, or because I didn't give Beleth a fucking ass, or because I didn't give Furfur a cartoonishly evil grin for when she's Being Bad.


So what am I supposed to do, here? Take every single thing someone tells me I should be doing, and do that instead? Okay, guess I just won't make a comic or stories at all. Is that better? That's basically your end goal here, anyway, if your actions are any indication.


It's incredible that no one there bothers to correct themselves if they were wrong. You sure as fuck haven't, from what I've seen of your posts, and from this fucking message you sent me here. Your original grievance is even mentioned in this post: "In other news, I emailed about the floraverse figurines from ESCToy and got a response saying the figurines should be shipped out in May."


You ACKNOWLEDGE the ORIGINAL THING that brought you to the forums, here, as a fucking side note. You know, the thing you were wrong about? That you made an assumption about, in bad-faith? The thing that you blamed as the reason for reading the forums in the first place? And yet here you are, with an active KF account.


And now it's just a footnote. No "hey guys I guess I worried for nothing", no "I wasn't actually being scammed", no "I should have asked glip about it personally". Nothing.


You took nothing back. You don't correct yourself. You don't correct anyone else. You stack more lies on top, and let it grow into something worse. You let people misunderstand situations if it makes me look bad, just like every other person there. You skew comments to hate on me because I have a fucking uterus. No real other reason, just, you know. Gotta sound cool by dunking on someone being in physical pain over a part of their body they can't control, all because they have a uterus and you just gotta let everyone know how gross that is. You've really done a great job of learning to fit in on KF.


"so i referred to you as pk and used female pronouns on my kf account, and i referred to you as glip and used the right neutral pronouns everywhere else. i wanted to keep these accounts separate, so i could blend in, so kf could be my dirty little secret, and no one would make the connection of my two accounts based on those differing factors alone. morally, it was wrong. ethically, it was wrong. this is the one thing i do regret, and this is why i dont expect or even want you to forgive me. but whats happened has happened, and i cant control the past. i didnt expect you to vague about me though, i figured once you had enough you would message me on patreon and tell me to stop, and that would be it. but it got out of hand."


This is probably the worst part of your entire non-apology. All of it. The fact that the only thing you regret is misgendering and misnaming me. Not even a "sorry". No sorry for the misgendering, no sorry for your remarks, no sorry for leaking my content, nothing.


I don't understand. How did you let your principles on gender and pronouns and identity slip like this? What made you think people who blatantly make fun of something like that would be a beacon of truth? You knew these people would make fun of you for aspects of your own self that you betrayed, and yet you still thought it was a good idea to post there?


And somehow, you have no real regrets.


"so all im asking is for us to just stop interacting."


What makes you think you're in any position to ask anything of me? I ask this in earnest. I trusted you, defended you even, and you blatantly abused that trust.


"i leave you alone, ive already pulled all my contact with you away except for this last bit, we can block each other on every piece of social media if need be, and you stop posting about me. lets just stop feeding the farms."



So, hold on, let me get this straight.


-You assumed I was running off with money from a campaign that I have not seen a dime from. A campaign that is still being funded and produced, but that takes time, because manufacturing in China and shipment FROM China takes several months.


-You didn't get an email reply right away from ESC-Toy and also placed that on me, for some reason. Fluffy told you you could email me. You did not. ESC-Toy deals with hundreds of orders all the time, and sometimes it takes a while for them to get back to someone. It sucks when that happens, but I would have gladly prodded ESC-Toy about it for you to make sure.


-You claim you wanted a place to critique the comic, and that you had remarks that you'd be "hounded" for. You ended up being correct, because the remarks are largely transphobic, misogynistic, and hugely antagonistic. There is no place for that kind of behavior or those kind of remarks on the server. Instead of bringing up things like "her ears look a little goofy there huh" or "I hope we get to see more of X character" you suddenly become an Art Expert who feels it necessary to pick apart everything I do in order to call it bad or ugly. Not for any real reason, but just to be shitty.


-You leak my content for months, for some reason. In the meantime, it makes me feel like shit. But hey, everyone on KF is justified, right? I mean I wouldn't deserve it if I didn't draw ears weird sometimes or make a character someone didn't like, right? I guess it only makes sense that as punishment for doing nothing wrong, my updates should be leaked early to people who hate them.


-We realize there's a leaker. Do you want to know the kicker? I had a feeling about it in January, right before the videos went out. I thought, "this… it would make sense if it's sugarfreefox, but I don't want to believe it". I fucking argued for why I didn't think it could be you. I went through and eliminated everyone else it could've been first, because I didn't want to believe it. Because I wanted to believe in you.


-But it ended up impossible for it to have been anyone else, and that just left you. I wanted to remove you from the patron chat in order to RULE YOU OUT, because I was desperate to believe it was anyone else. But then you confirmed it was you. And then you made a post on KF, shifting all of the blame for the consequences of your actions squarely onto me, after I had defended the possibility that it still might not have been you.


-And then this message. This message, where you can't even bring yourself to say sorry, because you've already decided that you don't want my forgiveness. Because it's easier if we just part ways, like this were some mutual squabble that we both somehow caused. Yeah, I'm sure it'd be a whole lot easier for you if you just never had to think about what you did or the impact it had on me or how it wracked me with grief for months.


And then you want me stop posting about you. I made maybe a dozen tweets about this situation over the past couple days, and you aren't even named in them. You made dozens of posts openly lambasting me for no real reason, publicly and anonymously, over the course of nearly half a year. But I'm the one who's crossed the line?


Do you seriously think your message is good enough? You're really fine with leaving a trail of destruction in your wake? You honestly think "i dont regret what has happened, the past is the past and nothing i do can change it, or your opinions of me." is going to cut it?


You've given me absolutely no reason to believe any of your words. I have no reason to believe you won't even just try to use this to make me look bad, again. I'd love to say I don't think you'd do that, but I've just become painfully acquainted with the kind of person you've shown yourself to be.


I don't want to believe that you're the kind of person who does something shitty on this scale and then goes "Shrug! Well, guess there's nothing I can do about the past :) Whaddya say we both forget about it," because… I don't know. I thought you were a nice person, and I looked forward to reading your remarks in the patron chat. It's one of the few things I can enjoy - getting to see some thoughtful remarks on work I spent hours on. About work I put my whole soul into!


I don't want to believe you're the kind of person who will just leave a big fucking mess at my doorstep, who actively contributed to rumors intended to make people distrust and dislike me, without doing some work to undo the damage you caused. I don't want to! That's why it took me so fucking long to remove you from the chat! Because I didn't want to fucking believe it was you, but many things pointed towards it being the truth. And that was the worst part.


I don't know what kind of person you really are, though. The fact that you sent this message is something, I guess, but it's exceedingly hollow and I can plainly tell how much you don't want to deal with what a negative effect you've had on my life or how bad you've made me feel. Do you care? I honestly don't know. When someone happily talks about updates and also lists "favorite artist: glip" on one of their profiles, and then turns around to join the creeps who've been stalking and mocking me for years, what the fuck am I supposed to believe? These are both you.


You called it your KF persona, but you still made all these posts. Is that the kind of person you want to be? Are you proud of how you've been, and the ways in which you've beaten down other groups in order to get in a snipe about me? Are you proud of the trauma you've caused me? Are you proud of how frustrated and sad you've made each one of my mods who strive to keep the server safe for everyone? Are you proud of how much time and energy you've cost everyone who had to help deal with this?


And more importantly, are you going to actually do anything to undo the damage you've caused, or are you content to contribute to the pile of bullshit and then walk away? Will you take back the rumors you've seeded? Will you correct the things you've found out were untrue? You worked so hard to earn the respect of Kiwi Farms; will you use any of it constructively now, or just leave Jupiter Dune as another anonymous bully in a sea of anonymous bullies?


These are real questions, because I don't know the answer. But you do. If you're a person who cares about doing better and being better, like I hope you are, then you'll take an action that you could be proud of.


People gave you attention there, so you're in a place to actually use the modicum of respect you've earned to shift how people feel. No one there knows your other identity. You could easily make posts admitting where you were wrong, and you could easily bring up how unnecessarily mean you were, just because everyone else was doing it. What's there to be afraid of? You're anonymous. Do you think they're going to be mean to you, too, if you admit you were wrong? But even if they are, what does it matter? You could just ignore it, like a normal person. Right?


I hope you understand what I'm getting at, here. You've caused me damage for literally no valid reason, and now you're saying:


"we can block each other on every piece of social media if need be, and you stop posting about me. lets just stop feeding the farms"


Let's? Let us? Like I'm the one fanning the flames here? Again, you talk about this like I'd been just as bad to you! As if there are two sides to this at all! As if this isn't the story of someone fucking up, being cruel to someone else, and then essentially shrugging! "Oh well! What's to be done?"


This is complete bullshit to an extreme degree. You're in a position to seriously make people there doubt themselves and maybe reconsider that toxic lifestyle. You're in a position to talk about how it went too far, how you tried to fit in by doing things you say you don't believe in, and how you knew you were doing something wrong and kept doing it.


You're in a position to do something good with this, is what I'm trying to say. Walking away would be easy as hell for you. It would suck for me, as it's going to suck for me for the rest of my fucking life because of people buying into shit that people like you — your new friends, who you worked so hard to impress — badly skewed on purpose. But walking away from it is also exactly the kind of thing that I'm urging you to reconsider.


It's not worth it. It's not worth it, it has never been worth it, and it will never be worth it.


When I had to deal with the callout post bullshit, I made a decision that I needed to try harder to be better, because I wanted to prove through my actions who I was. I've continually been striving to be more empathetic, to listen to people with genuine grievances, and to pay attention to important issues as best I can. It's hard. Of course it's fucking hard. Being shitty to someone is so easy. All it takes is a few words to make someone crumble, to ruin their day, their week, their month. You've ruined quite a few of my days.


But it's not worth it, and you're not going to ever really be able to be yourself like that. You already proved you couldn't be yourself around them by adopting a "persona". That persona is still you. Change that persona into someone you're proud of being. Be yourself, but be kind, and caring. Do the right things, not the just the easy things. Fix yourself by cleaning up after yourself.


Words spoken anonymously are still words that have impact. Words having impact is the entire point of the ROM pages you "criticized". Words having impact is the entire point the Paranoia update. The impact can be good, or it can be devastatingly bad. What will you do with that kind of power? What will you do, knowing how easy it is to ruin someone with a few casually cruel remarks?


I know now that people pay attention to words—but I didn't always know that. I didn't always understand that my words could have a ripple effect, and could be the difference between someone having a good day or a bad week. Or month. This is something I so desperately want to teach as many people as I can, because it absolutely comes down to individuals being kind and empathetic—not just in good times, but in bad, too.


It's so easy to hate on people and assume the worst. It's so easy to make fun of small things that don't actually matter. But that kind of thing eats away at your soul, and makes it harder for you to express yourself—because you're constantly around people who could gladly find some harmless thing about you to nitpick and make fun of. It poisons your interactions with others.


The entire thread is full of people who feel justified in their actions for whatever reason. Most of the reasons are white lies or omitted truths. Some are just spiteful lies for the sake of it. I get dozens of people who act in a similar way to you, where they want to complain about some petty grievance or some misunderstanding they didn't bother to check on, and use this as reasons I deserve every horrible thing to follow. No one wants to stick their neck out and admit they were wrong, because no one wants to be attacked next, so people viciously defend reasons to keep mistreating me. Are you going to be another person who absolves themself of all guilt by the reasoning that you're not the only person doing it? You contributed to the lies and misunderstandings just as much as anyone else. You even started new ones. So many people run away from the situation once they realize they've been caught up in lies. So many people run away when they have to face the possibility that they hurt someone over an invalid reason. Are you going to run away, too?


So, you said cruel things and acted dishonest in order to fit in. You're not absolved just because everyone on KF there was doing it, too. You're equally at fault, along with everyone else there.


You disparaged a community that respected you and valued you for who you were, in order feel important to a community that will never value you.


But I don't know how much you actually care about any of that. I truly don't.


"if you have any questions, say what you must. ill leave this open, and ill let you be the one to control how long this discord chat remains open"


I don't know how you thought this would go. So much of what you wrote makes this out like I was an equal participant in my own harassment, when I've never wanted anything less than the attention of people who pull this shit. I sincerely hope you'll take some responsibility for this, but I don't know if you will.


One thing I do know is that if you used your influence to—at the very fucking least—undo some of the damage you caused, then that would be a start. This disaster is never going to end for me, not really, but it sure would be nice if there were a few less dishonest bullet points whenever the next bullshit callout post hits.


So. Are you going to ignore my criticism, or actually listen and take it?